I'm a widow

[lovedogs]

One of mine insists on sitting on the back of the toilet and supervising while I use the human litterbox. I figured he should make himself useful and taught him to flush for me. When I'm done and close the lid I say "flush" and he does it.

This is f-ing brilliant.

 

[canuk-gal]

This is f-ing brilliant.

No kidding! You are on to something!

 

[PintoBean]

No kidding! You are on to something!

Ughhh... Still falling asleep late and waking up late. I'm just exhausted. I went to the bank to open an estate account which took an hour. My BIL randomly texted Me and I told him I didn't get the accidental insurance benefit due to Mikes BAC. His replies indicated he was in denial. This information made him go away real fast.

Despite 9 hours of sleep I'm still exhausted. My love bracelet is tight and mouth tAcky so I'm dehydrated too. It's funny bc I'll wake up at 7 and 9am and text a bit and then pass out. Not surprising when I only just fell asleep after 4AM.

Bye bye...

 

[PintoBean]

I do want to add that while I'm still battling grief depression anxiety fatigue yada yada yada I AM happy being single - just me and the girls lol.

 

[MissGotRocks]

I still think you are doing well considering all things. Glad to hear that you and the girls are enjoying yourselves!!

 

[redwood66]

PB I want to thank you for your openness in sharing all your ups and downs in this tragedy. You have helped me in ways you will never know. My heart is with you every day.

 

[PintoBean]

I feel like time is flying by too fast. Every weekend I say I will start studying and it never happens lol.

I have way too many bad days. I do some organizing then I just want to knock it all down because it feels pointless. I laugh I smile I joke around but it's what I'm supposed to do. Programmed to do. I have happy moments. I dress my cats up. I sing to them. I have them perform their tricks. They don't feel enough. I'm not even sure what to buy myself to feel a little high.

I enjoy crocheting but I feel betrayed by my age and mortality when my hands start to ache.

I have my period now and I'm super struggling with depression at the moment. After my birthday in January, if I can't shake this, I may have to have a talk with my parents that I'm just going to be like this - no different than I've ever been when I had a break, e.g. From school. Sleep odd hours and long hours, play with the cats, crochet, and light traveling. There's so much baggage I need to sort out. Parent baggage, pre Michael baggage from other men that hurt me, Michaels alcoholism, Michaels death, and my new normal. It feels like whenever I get something unraveled in therapy I realize that there are more tangled layers underneath that I couldn't see before?

I'm just tired. At least I have reflexology tomorrow. I don't understand how the two widowers I know are married and engaged in less than two years of losing their wives and I have to pay someone to touch me?

 

[Scandinavian]

Pintobean, I'm so sorry that all this is happening to you! Please try to take care of yourself! I might be way out of place / line with this, but the only thing that ever helps me when I'm feeling down is exercise and fresh air. Taking the dogs for a walk or a run. Preferably in the forest or in the mountains. For me it helps to get exhausted - resets my brain and stops me thinking sad thoughts. Oh I do hope you have friends to drag you out of the house every now and then. If not, come and visit me? Hugs!

 

[valeria101]

Could you ditch the baggage un-sorted ? It rots even faster that way. IHMO, the gesture feels at least as good as two thirds of revenge.


Otherwise, doing nothing sounds happy to me.

 

[PintoBean]

Progress in widow administration! I went to two banks today and got one account closed and the other is under review with that banks legal department. They will call me when it's done.

All that's left is the mutual fund paperwork.

 

[valeria101]

Already an impressive pile of stamped paper !

 

[nala]

I feel like time is flying by too fast. Every weekend I say I will start studying and it never happens lol.

I have way too many bad days. I do some organizing then I just want to knock it all down because it feels pointless. I laugh I smile I joke around but it's what I'm supposed to do. Programmed to do. I have happy moments. I dress my cats up. I sing to them. I have them perform their tricks. They don't feel enough. I'm not even sure what to buy myself to feel a little high.

I enjoy crocheting but I feel betrayed by my age and mortality when my hands start to ache.

I have my period now and I'm super struggling with depression at the moment. After my birthday in January, if I can't shake this, I may have to have a talk with my parents that I'm just going to be like this - no different than I've ever been when I had a break, e.g. From school. Sleep odd hours and long hours, play with the cats, crochet, and light traveling. There's so much baggage I need to sort out. Parent baggage, pre Michael baggage from other men that hurt me, Michaels alcoholism, Michaels death, and my new normal. It feels like whenever I get something unraveled in therapy I realize that there are more tangled layers underneath that I couldn't see before?

I'm just tired. At least I have reflexology tomorrow. I don't understand how the two widowers I know are married and engaged in less than two years of losing their wives and I have to pay someone to touch me?

I'm sorry you feel this way. Just know that some of us would have never gotten as far as you have under your same circumstances. You will pull through this.

 

[azstonie]

Self awareness=as many layers as it takes. You're on your way

 

[PintoBean]

10/24 was our first date and for years we'd say happy anniversary on the 24th of each month. His birthday is in a week and a half. To be forever young and beautiful...

 

[valeria101]

Rest in Peace ...

 

[Matata]

I have way too many bad days. I do some organizing then I just want to knock it all down because it feels pointless. I laugh I smile I joke around but it's what I'm supposed to do. Programmed to do. I have happy moments. I dress my cats up. I sing to them. I have them perform their tricks. They don't feel enough. I'm not even sure what to buy myself to feel a little high.

I think of you as a chrysalis, changing and evolving and eventually you will emerge finished and beautiful and fly away into a new life.

 

[mochiko42]

The lotus is the most beautiful flower, rising up from the dirt and the mud. Without the mud, the lotus would not exist.

 

[TooPatient]

PB, you are doing so well given what life has thrown you. Remember that it is totally normal to have lots of bad days. Anniversaries of different things are hard. Not just the first. Holidays are hard. It is normal to have a difficult time around these days that hold so much meaning.

As to the widowers who are married again, you don't know what they felt or how they feel. Each person is different.

There is no wrong feeling to have. Do what is right for you!

 

[valeria101]

I don't understand how the two widowers I know are married and engaged in less than two years of losing their wives

Would you believe you wrote this: "I AM happy being single", not one year into it ?

From where I am, it looks as if what you are doing words fast & good !


________

You got me thinking of how I handle working more rather than less alone - an occupational hazard I loath ... & somehow learned to handle once choice at a time, without quite thinking about it. Taking on a random new client is perhaps my most extreme measure. Then again - you need 'extreme', because your circumstances are extreme ! I did this perhaps five times overall. Such acts certainly did not involve studying - as you need to do for a license - i.e., a probe of nerves if there ever was, thus perfectly wrong for such occassions. I cannot know how this might apply to your background, sure enough ...

 

[House Cat]

10/24 was our first date and for years we'd say happy anniversary on the 24th of each month. His birthday is in a week and a half. To be forever young and beautiful...

You’re beautiful too PB. Even in tragedy, you’re an inspiration.

Sending love and warmth your way.

 

[Karl_K]

checking in, thoughts and prayers continue!

 

[PintoBean]

Last night I took a stab at the Oppenheimer fund paperwork and it looks like I can't get past step 1. To transfer the account to me I have to go open a acccount. Ugh... the accountant we use is the named financial advisor on the statements so I emailed him last night a bunch of questions.

If he doesn't get back to me by tomorrow then I'm going to choose the easiest route, which is to have them issue me a check. It's frustrating bc when I first called Oppenheimer last week, the customer service rep made it seem like a one step easy peasy form.

 

[TooPatient]

Last night I took a stab at the Oppenheimer fund paperwork and it looks like I can't get past step 1. To transfer the account to me I have to go open a acccount. Ugh... the accountant we use is the named financial advisor on the statements so I emailed him last night a bunch of questions.

If he doesn't get back to me by tomorrow then I'm going to choose the easiest route, which is to have them issue me a check. It's frustrating bc when I first called Oppenheimer last week, the customer service rep made it seem like a one step easy peasy form.

A joint account or retirement? If retirement, you will HAVE to open an account or face tax consequences if a check is issued.
It is simple enough to shift whatever account. You just need to talk to someone who knows what needs to be done, preferably at the company you want to hold the accounts.

 

[PintoBean]

A joint account or retirement? If retirement, you will HAVE to open an account or face tax consequences if a check is issued.
It is simple enough to shift whatever account. You just need to talk to someone who knows what needs to be done, preferably at the company you want to hold the accounts.

It's a non retirement fund with about $3,000 that he was sole owner of

 

[TooPatient]

It's a non retirement fund with about $3,000 that he was sole owner of

In that case, I am pretty sure there is no problem just getting a check (or ACH even). Not worth the trouble of setting up an account. Double check with your financial guy as each state is different and regulations may have changed in the last 5 years...

 

[PintoBean]

Ummm

So I'm sitting in my living room crocheting and watching tv when the doorbell rings. It's 2 police officers in uniform with 2 big marked SUVs. I'm like who the **** died now?!?!

They were looking for the last homeowners. I was like ok... you're gonna give the neighbors a heart attack bc the last time police came to my door it was to notify me that my husband died... I was about to ask, do I have another husband I don't know about?!?! One Sgt joked about Vegas lol. (Ironically I got legally married in Vegas). I ended up putting the officers in contact with the realtor for contact information.

In 5 months I've had 2 pairs of cops show up at my door... and they weren't even strippers...

 

[december-fire]

In 5 months I've had 2 pairs of cops show up at my door... and they weren't even strippers...

Third time's the charm.

 

[valeria101]

Two days early ...

 

[TooPatient]

PS gtg idea... Get a bunch if police and firemen to strip at PB's house. I'd fly across the country for that!

 

[ringo865]

Wonder what kind of news they were bringing for the last homeowners?