I'm a widow

[valeria101]

Good to see run of the mill good news on this thread !

I contemplated pursuing a PhD

Much easier than the license thing ...

 

[TooPatient]

PB -- hope you are having a good week.

 

[ame]

This person is not your friend. Stop telling people you're a widow? They can get bent.

 

[PintoBean]

One great outcome of the trip is that when I got home, I found myself sleeping with much less interruptions.

Unfortunately, I'm falling asleep too late lolol. Monday night I slept from 6am-1pm, Tuesday 5am-12pm and Wednesday 3am-1:55pm. I am tired from my period kicking in. Now I need to continue falling asleep earlier and then work on waking up earlier.

I'm scared about the pressure of job searching. It feels like going from sharing half the burden as a couple to shouldering twice the burden as a widow. It's also funny that I find myself saying I am too old to take a job that has me working till 1am at night lolol. Boy when did I become old enough to utter too old?

 

[PintoBean]

Here we flipping go again. I'm at the DMV for trip #4. The receptionist tried to send me away bc I should have a form from the police. I said no they asked for a total loss letter and death certificate. Wtf .... wish me luck

 

[lovedogs]

Here we flipping go again. I'm at the DMV for trip #4. The receptionist tried to send me away bc I should have a form from the police. I said no they asked for a total loss letter and death certificate. Wtf .... wish me luck

noooooo not again!!!! why is this such BS?!

 

[mary poppins]

Glad you got away and had a nice visit with PSers. Looks like your sleep schedule, while still off, is moving in the right direction. I hope today is the day your DMV paperwork is complete. Good luck!

 

[PintoBean]

noooooo not again!!!! why is this such BS?!

It gets better. They rejected my letter bc the plate number and vin numbers have type-o's that I missed. Like the plate number is missing a digit. Even though the insurance rep claimed this was an original signed letter and UPS overnight it to me the DMV says it doesn't look original.

And the best part...I call the insurance rep and her voicemail says she no longer works there. I shot off an email and left a voicemail to/for my insurance account manager asking him to please help me figure out who has my case next bc I need this letter edited.

 

[BlingDreams]

It gets better. They rejected my letter bc the plate number and vin numbers have type-o's that I missed. Like the plate number is missing a digit. Even though the insurance rep claimed this was an original signed letter and UPS overnight it to me the DMV says it doesn't look original.

And the best part...I call the insurance rep and her voicemail says she no longer works there. I shot off an email and left a voicemail to/for my insurance account manager asking him to please help me figure out who has my case next bc I need this letter edited.

The incompetence that continues to be displayed is unbelievable. I mean, wtf? Seriously. I wish I was there to help you through all of this.

Is there ANYONE who could make a difference? Perhaps a letter from a lawyer?

 

[tyty333]

It gets better. They rejected my letter bc the plate number and vin numbers have type-o's that I missed. Like the plate number is missing a digit. Even though the insurance rep claimed this was an original signed letter and UPS overnight it to me the DMV says it doesn't look original.

And the best part...I call the insurance rep and her voicemail says she no longer works there. I shot off an email and left a voicemail to/for my insurance account manager asking him to please help me figure out who has my case next bc I need this letter edited.

Oh Pinto...I'm so sorry. This is getting almost comical (in a hysteric going-insane kind of way). Who was it that mention just breaking down
on the floor of the DMV and crying??? I think that should be your next approach. Someone has to take mercy on you and help you get it done.

This whole process has just been cray-cray!

 

[PintoBean]

I really want a job there now. I could be sleeping and be a superstar there.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Beanie, crazy question but what happens if you just don't this? Do the plates come up for renewal? If so, what if you just don't renew them? I'm sure there's some administrative component where the DMV wants stuff like this done, but who cares? Is it going to cost you anything if you just put the paperwork aside and, um, *forget* to ever get back to it? If this is just a matter of administration and not a matter of money (in your pocket) I say fvck 'em.

 

[ringo865]

The insurance company will not pay off on the auto insurance policy unless and until she gets the DMV stuff straightened out.

Sounds kind a like they're in on the run around as it benefits them to not have to pay.

@ame I haven't heard "get bent" since like 1980!

 

[PintoBean]

Beanie, crazy question but what happens if you just don't this? Do the plates come up for renewal? If so, what if you just don't renew them? I'm sure there's some administrative component where the DMV wants stuff like this done, but who cares? Is it going to cost you anything if you just put the paperwork aside and, um, *forget* to ever get back to it? If this is just a matter of administration and not a matter of money (in your pocket) I say fvck 'em.

I can't remove the car from the auto policy until I get the plates/registration canceled. Why continue paying for 2 cars when one doesn't exist anymore?

 

[Dee*Jay]

Ah... gotcha.

 

[Tekate]

Pinto, you make me proud to be a woman. I observe you on IG and think to myself... if I had a daughter I would have wanted her to be just like you and I think what you have gone thru and continue to go thru makes me sad every day. I send you a hug, a respect and an honor. all my best to you.

 

[monarch64]

I worked in insurance years ago. Yeah, companies will do any and everything to avoid paying a claim. That's just the nature of the game. I remember one case in which the wife died from a brain tumor and the company refused to pay out the death benefit because of some stupid loophole or other that was obviously constructed in the favor of the company. Insurance is like the oldest scam ever. Fat paychecks for everyone working for those companies, though!

My neighbor was widowed about a year after I met her and started hanging out with her and her husband. He died very suddenly and I will NEVER forget that weekend. I sure as HELL never told her, even years later, to stop referring to herself as a widow, or to stop talking about Phil, or to stop grieving because it made me uncomfortable. And yes, it made me uncomfortable and I wanted her to be "ok" again so we could go back to our regular programming/friendship, but ffs, I never told her that!!! I hate your "friend" now. Grr.

Agree with others re your sleep patterns. Get that back to regular and go from there. Grieve as long as you like. And however you want. This is your process, no one else gets a freaking say in the matter.

 

[Slickk]

O. M. G. What a cluster! I agree with falling to the floor in tears. When my son was a baby, we were in line at a NYS DMV for an hour or so and he started crying, just balling. Well, I was not leaving my spot on line. After several minutes of the crying, a DMV employee came over, opened up the velvet gate and said, "Ma'am, what are you processing, please follow me!" Applause literally broke out among the other frazzled people. I got those plates so fast, and they didn't even loook at my papers. Family and friends wanted to borrow my DS after that to take to the DMV. Lol.
In addition, after my mom passed away, I went to turn in her vanity plates and the clerk felt such kind sympathy for me she slid one of the plates over to me as a keepsake. They can have sympathy.
Have a fit. Get some sympathy. Good luck!

 

[lovedogs]

100% agree that you should try crying hysterically. Or just refuse to leave until they get you what you want. Demand to speak to supervisors (while crying loudly) until they do. Because this is just next level BS. The stupidity is so beyond anything I've ever heard before that I just can't.

Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets the grease (or so the saying goes).

 

[yennyfire]

Another vote for hysteria! They'll do anything to get you to stop thrashing and crying! Problem solved! You need to write a sitcom about your experiences with you narrating in a voice over. Your "exploits" are just too fantastical for words (and by that I mean that no one, could ever predict/create/imagine the cluster that you've been living through!!)...who would you get to play you? Your nasty in laws? Horrible "friend"?

 

[monarch64]

Crying definitely garners support. That's how I get out of speeding tickets, anyway. (That, and apologizing profusely.) I don't know about thrashing and hysterics, but well-timed tears and choking up with rummaging around in your bag for a tissue looking helpless will surely do the trick.

 

[valeria101]

I could be sleeping and be a superstar there.

PhD !

- unless you end up working past midnight ...

 

[valeria101]

Here we flipping go again.

Eh ... War of attrition !

Is there a deadline for these things ? If not, you might just count the idiotic little chores inflicted by The System, along with annoyong weather & let them pass you by one by one. Who knows - might as well work as intended. Or else, you'd have a track record of waste of time more interesting than most Art these days [Public Art - in other words, a monument ! ]

Eh ...

 

[december-fire]

Pinto,

You might want to write to whoever is the top person at the DMV (Transportation and Utilities?) outlining the facts.

I'm not familiar with the departments/agencies in the US, but I'm talking about the top person, i.e., the Big Fish before whom all the little fishies flee.

Your letter will be sent down the line for the reply to be drafted, but the reply to you will have the Big Fishes fin as the signature, and Big Fish like to look good.
What you, as a widow, are dealing with does not look good on the Big Fish.

So, yeah, write to the Biggest Fish in the appropriate Pond.
The bigger the Fish and the bigger the Pond, the better.

 

[PintoBean]

My insurance account manager just called me and he's looking into getting the letter corrected for me ASAP. He's always been amazing.

As someone who used to work in the public sector I can tell you they don't care. I also live in a very corrupt county. This is why I keep my transactions minimal when it comes to the public sector. For example, when I got married, there was no way I was changing my name lolol.

 

[december-fire]

I'm glad your insurance account manager is good.
I really hope all the crazy administrative stuff gets sorted out quickly.
You've been through far too much already.

I hope you realize how much inner strength you have displayed.
Know that you're strong and capable, but also know that you're human and all of this takes a toll.
Be gentle with yourself and try to rest and recharge in whatever way works for you.

Continuing to send positive thoughts and prayers.

 

[PintoBean]

I'm really happy that the roofer came and put up the remaining 3/4 of my gutters and leaders in copper. They are beautiful. Last year we changed out one section when we took down the existing aluminum gutters with rain guard and leader to change the rotted soffit and fascia. That gutter ended up having significantly less ice damming. My handyman replaced 75% of the clapboards and soffits we had planned for this spring and summer. The last 25% can wait till next year. It feels good to wrap up these exterior projects. I have a few things for the handyman to caulk and a couple spots in the guest bath that needs a little grout tapped into the floor.

One of the handyman's crew rested a ladder against my window trim and dented it :roll. I'll call him about it now while it's on my mind.

 

[MollyMalone]

How nice that the week ended for you with a feeling of accomplishment -- and copper leaders and gutters are soooo pretty!

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Can you post a pic? It sounds gorgeous. I hope you can watch the autumn sunlight reflected in the copper.

If I had a daughter, I'd be proud of myself if she was half as capable as you.

I'm really happy that the roofer came and put up the remaining 3/4 of my gutters and leaders in copper. They are beautiful. Last year we changed out one section when we took down the existing aluminum gutters with rain guard and leader to change the rotted soffit and fascia. That gutter ended up having significantly less ice damming. My handyman replaced 75% of the clapboards and soffits we had planned for this spring and summer. The last 25% can wait till next year. It feels good to wrap up these exterior projects. I have a few things for the handyman to caulk and a couple spots in the guest bath that needs a little grout tapped into the floor.

One of the handyman's crew rested a ladder against my window trim and dented it :roll. I'll call him about it now while it's on my mind.

 

[tand*m]

Hi PintoBean,
You are handling all these shockingly incompetent people so well. Hats off to you. I hope things get resolved in your favor soon-- they need a kick in the pants!

On support groups-- everyone is different but I didn't feel like in person groups worked well for me. Online was much easier logistically and required zero commitment. Now I have a therapist I click with and one thing he says is that crying your body weight in tears is therapeutic. I think I'm there (if not way past that mark). All this to say-- do whatever works for you, on your own timeline.

Glad you are able to get stuff done on your house, what a satisfying feeling! I love copper and the gorgeous patina it develops. Enjoy.

Sending you a Sat night widow hello.