I'm a widow

[Scandinavian]

Pinto, please take the money. It is not blood money. He loved you and you loved him. So it is a gift of love to the love of his life. Clean and simple.

Edit: Oh and re your mother. Please tell her that you have her genes and she raised you, so if she doesn't think you are perfect, it is her own fault and she should think deep thoughts and blame herself and not tell you about it! And perhaps order 20 pizzas from 20 different places for her address...

 

[PintoBean]

I feel like my husband was taken away so I'm not a wife anymore.

My job is being taken away so I'm not a professional any more. (I truly enjoyed explaining to people that I was a "working girl" who often worked in bed, on my back, with a laptop on)

What if Trump tries to "grab my pussies"? Then I won't be a fur mama anymore!

And everyone's too busy to sleepover...

 

[BlingDreams]

I feel like my husband was taken away so I'm not a wife anymore.

My job is being taken away so I'm not a professional any more. (I truly enjoyed explaining to people that I was a "working girl" who often worked in bed, on my back, with a laptop on)

What if Trump tries to "grab my pussies"? Then I won't be a fur mama anymore!

And everyone's too busy to sleepover...

PB - Maybe you're being given this break in responsibilities so you can take care of yourself? Sometimes we're forced in to solitude at the times we need it the most. You can finish what needs to be done with Michael's estate and do some self-healing too. Maybe adopt another pussy to add to your brood

And I'm happy to come up for a sleepover. I just don't know how to reach you to arrange it. If you're interested, let me know and we'll figure out a way! But you're going to have to keep me away from your mother because I don't think I could control myself from saying all of the things I want to. The nerve she has!

 

[luv2sparkle]

PB, I am sorry your mama is so disagreeable. Every daughter deserves a mama who supports her no matter what and always believes the best about her. I never had that either so I have made sure my daughter has it. So here goes, PB. You are beautiful inside and out. Life has wonderful things still ahead for you. You are strong and have had a wonderful marriage. The love you shared with Michael is a warm blanket around your heart. Even though he can't be with you, his love has never left. Sleep well, sweet girl and tomorrow will be another day.

 

[Gussie]

Hi PintoBean. I haven't written before but I have seen quite a few of the posts here. I am so sorry for your loss. I have seen your awesome wit and I admire you for expressing your grief with humor. I am praying for you.

 

[TooPatient]

I feel like my husband was taken away so I'm not a wife anymore.

My job is being taken away so I'm not a professional any more. (I truly enjoyed explaining to people that I was a "working girl" who often worked in bed, on my back, with a laptop on)

What if Trump tries to "grab my pussies"? Then I won't be a fur mama anymore!

And everyone's too busy to sleepover...

You ARE a wife -- you are a wife who loves her husband so much you are having to re-learn to live without him next to you. You will always be a wife.

You ARE a professional -- there is nothing wrong with a professional taking a little time between contracts to take care of other stuff in life. Anyone who has an issue with this doesn't know anything about the world you work in.

You'll always be a fur mama and I can only imagine how much pain someone would be in if they tried to grab your pussies.


You're going to have a line of PSers at your door if we can figure out where you live. You'll have half of us on a plane heading your direction before you know what happened! Seriously though, network through the PSers who know how to reach you and I am sure you will have sleepovers on offer!

 

[AprilBaby]

Every time I see your offer of a sleep over I want to come! I want NY pizza and carvel ice cream and I will be your momma and never criticize. Too bad I don't live there anymore. You could come back to Chicago and we could have another gtg sleepover!

 

[PintoBean]

I wanted to let you know I created a listing on Loupetroop if you need to reach me off the forum. If you don't get a response within 24 hours that means LT failed because I'm pretty good about checking my personal email address more than once a day.

I know I need time off, but I know that not having a job lined up will make me worrisome and anxious. Working was such a big part of our lives until I got jobs beginning mid 2013 that let me scale back and have a better work life balance. But being total hermit introverts, it was me and DH and us and work. We finally got to a point where we had enough house, enough bling (toys), enough savings to start considering scaling back further. I also need to change my saving strategy. DH's idea of saving was in the traditional sense, whereas I'm the spender, so I channel that by attacking debt aggressively. We balanced each other out. its funny bc DH saved, which went towards our down payment on our upgrade home, while I knocked out my law school loans in 2.5 years and then had our coop mortgage paid up to two years in advance .

It still feels like he never existed, that I made him up. Maybe I have multiple personality disorder and shop for men's clothing of a certain size! Then I see a picture of us, and I pause for a second and say, well looky looky, maybe I didn't make him up! I think this phenomenon is a result of how horrific his accident was. How clearly purposeful that he was meant to be yanked out of this world.

Ok just to lighten things up - my neighbor was complaining that she couldn't go to bed right after administering dewormer to the 5 week old kittens bc one of them pooped and she felt compelled to clean it up before they made a mess in it between now and tomorrow morning, so I texted her:
Me: get them little butt plugs
J: where can I buy them???
Me: wine corks
J: ouch

 

[VRBeauty]

PB: I'm so sorry that your mother doesn't have the wherewithal support you, especially now when you could really use her support. And her reluctance to share your sad news with other family members? Implying that you're looking for pity? Leaving open the possibility that you might have to share that news personally, and unexpectedly...? That all really seems beyond the pale.

I have to admit though that I feel a tiny bit of pity for her, imagining what it must be like to live with such a small heart...

I understand how the death benefits might feel inappropriate right now, but - just collect the check and deposit it. There will come a time or occasion when it will feel right to use that specific pool of funds. Until then, just know that it's there as a way of your hubby taking care of you.

I wish I could come over for a slumber party, but I'm afraid I live on the left coast... maybe we can have a good old-fashioned online PS slumber party some day!

 

[Matata]

It still feels like he never existed, that I made him up.

I get it. It's other worldly surreal psychedelic LSD flashback Twilight Zone David Lynch-Twin Peaks weird. And it's also normal. I know that repeating "it's normal" may want to make you hit me upside the head with an iron skillet. I get that too. But everything you're feeling is the normal progression of grief and coming to terms with a different way of living.

As others have said you are still a wife and a professional. More importantly you are still you at the core level. Husbands, jobs, bling, houses and all that other stuff are accoutrements that might enhance a person but they do not make a person. I'm hoping with all my heart that you do not lose sight of the fact that you are entire unto yourself. Wanting those enhancements is different from needing those enhancements. I believe the things we think we need make us weaker rather than stronger and it's only when we learn to cope with standing alone that we are capable of survival. My heart continues to ache for you, PB. But I'm also fervently rooting for you to find your new center and become stronger alone than you thought possible because, no matter what fairy tale we wish for, self-reliance is our only guarantee.

 

[Karl_K]

I am so sorry to hear of your added troubles.
Thoughts and prayers outgoing and will continue.

 

[valeria101]

I'm truly tired now.

You could moonlight into event planning: such outrageous - vacation, your brilliant arrangements take the cake of the Grand Tour ...

Can you laugh ? Come be an expat ! Everything seems to change anyway.

 

[marcy]

Pinto Bean, you SIL is my favorite person of the week.

You continue to be in my thoughts. I wish I could come up with something wise or witty to make you feel better but I am at a loss what those words would be. I believe you are stronger than you ever knew and that you will find your way to dealing with your new normal.

Take care.
Marcy

 

[PintoBean]

I spent a few hours earlier in the day cleaning the house for the cleaning lady . What that entails is some laundry and putting things away so that she has surfaces to clean lolol.

It was raining torrentially off and on, and that really turned me off to going to my in laws for the surprise Father's Day BBQ. I was also very tired from cleaning. I texted my BIL and SIL that I'm tired and don't want to drive in the rain. They told me to rally and come. That kinda pissed me off. So I texted back I'm scared to drive in the rain. Will try later. For the love of Hades, my husband died on a rainy day in a car. Good grief cut me some slack!

Once the rain stopped, I grabbed a stack of new shirts with tags that were DH's and headed to the in laws. I basically said if BIL didn't see any that fit, save them for the cousins. I hung out for an hour then left. At one point during the visit, a picture of Michael, his siblings and SIL caught my eye and I was like wtf he's real!

Went to a friend's house and had some of the best seafood I've had in ages. I had a lobster minus its head. (Aren't the heads edible too? Mine disappeared!), Perfectly cooked shrimp cocktail that was orange and so tender, two blue crab legs, and mussels in the most ridiculous sauce consisting of butter, cream, garlic, shallots and wine. I couldn't stop inhaling garlic bread dunked in that mussel sauce!

I always eat a ton with company nowadays, and I haven't eaten this much in ages lolol. My tummy is so stuffed hours later, and I almost feel sick bc it's definitely a bigger quantity of food than usual. I asked for a ride back to my car bc everyone wanted to start partying after dinner. That's not me. My idea of a party is DESSERT after dinner.

I am frustrated that there truly isn't anyone to sleepover. Everyone I know is working long hours and or juggling kids too. I hate not having real people in my life. Michael's cat jumped on the bed with me before. She's always been more his cat than mine. Tough noogies you're stuck with me!

Oh, I get a hand addressed piece of mail - clearly a card of sorts to MIchael. I'm like wtf, heart pounding. I open it, ermagherd it's a handwritten card from the SA at VCA that sold me the vintage Alhambra onyx bracelet MONTHS ago! I can't get that bracelet on me by myself grrrr.

 

[missy]

Hey PintoBean, I'm sorry. At least you made the effort and went for an hour. More than enough IMO. I have to say that was ridiculous that they said to you to rally and come. Insensitive comments for sure though I am sure they just wanted you to be with them yesterday and that was their (poor) way of saying it.

On a lighter note lol we all clean for the cleaning lady it seems.

I'm with you. My idea of a party always includes dessert and preferably as the main meal so I am not too full to enjoy it. Though your friend's food sounds very yummy and I am glad you enjoyed their company after the family BBQ.

Sorry about receiving the card addressed to Michael yesterday and also about not being able to get the bracelet on by yourself. I bet they make a tool thingy to be able to get on bracelets for just this reason. I will search it and get back to you. We cannot let good bling go to waste.

And I am also sorry about the sleepover shortage. I thought some PSers were interested...

(((HUGS))).

 

[yennyfire]

Hi PB, just wanted to check on you. I'm in Cooperstown, NY this week for my son's tournament at the Dreams Park. That however, means that I'm in the middle of nowhere with spotty internet. At the moment, I'm in my pj's by the main road, moving my phone around in the air, trying to send emails and catch up on stuff. So...know that you are in my thoughts, even if I'm not posting.

My Mom is also very critical of me (of people in general) and is just a sad person in general. She would rather criticize everyone than enjoy life. It sucks. I think your Mom just doesn't know how to support you....that's on her and is not a reflection of you at all. Eat that ice cream and seafood. Don't let her comments penetrate your brain.

I'm sorry about your job. I'm sure having another big change in your life is both scary and maddening. Take the benefits check and deposit it in case a day comes when you need it. You know that's what Michael would have wanted.

Sending tons of hugs to you....

 

[cmd2014]

PB,

I'm sorry too about how your mom has been reacting. Some people are uncomfortable with death and react in difficult and unhelpful ways. My mother gets angry because she can't let herself acknowledge sadness, and has reacted to every loss in the family by picking a feud with someone, threatening to boycott the funeral, and causing extreme drama until finally relenting and doing the reasonable thing (most of the time - my sister and I have had to jump in to support my dad at times when it's been his family and she's dug in and refused to go). Others try to rush us into bootstrapping into being ok so that they can feel ok and make us feel that our grief is somehow self indulgent or pathological. Neither is true. Your whole life has been ripped out from under you. Not just the present but also the future you assumed you'd have. It's ok to feel overwhelmed, or like it's some surreal bad dream, and like you'd give the money back 100 times over to have Michael back (and that it's tainted by his loss). I wish you had more support, but you have it here. Both from those you know as regular posters and from us lurkers. Take the money...it's meant to take care of you during this time when it's hard to take care of yourself. Reach out to people who are supportive, and don't be afraid to speak your truth to those who aren't understanding right now what you are going through. And try to be kind to yourself. This is unbelievably hard.

 

[Crazie4Cuts]

Dear PB, I am terribly sorry to hear about your contract ending and the stuff you still have to go through with family members. It is very hard right now to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there and a big rainbow is there to brighten your future! Please know that we all do care! I live also on the opposite coast and not able to visit and share my bling with you! I def want the best for you, so please continuing sharing and we will continue to pray, send you support, give you our hearts for you to say whatever you want. This is your life and you do mean a lot because there's only ONE PB and that's Y-O-U. Thinking of you today and lifting you up!

 

[gemgirl]

I'm so happy to see our Pricescope family continuing to lend their emotional support to you in your time of need. It honestly warms my heart to know that people really do care! It's important to keep talking at a time like this. Unasked for life changes are the hardest things in the world to deal with. I've been there a few times and frankly, it's a bitch.

You are a very strong woman and I believe that in time, you will get through this. Just keep talking your way through all your emotions and through all the stages of this process. Love, hugs and bling

 

[marcy]

Pinto Bean, I clean my house for our cleaning lady too. I would think your in-laws meant well when they said that; you seem to be surrounded by some insensitive relatives for sure. I have a sister like that and she is always stunned when someone calls her out on something she said. I don’t think they realize how things sound.

I am glad you did go visit them for a while after the rain quit.

Dinner at your friend’s house sounds good.

Sorry about the card you received addressed to Micheal. It had to be upsetting for you at first.

I hope you figure out how to get your bracelet on; lobster clasp bracelets were impossible for me to get on myself until I got ticked off one day and finally figured it out.

Take care.
Marcy

 

[azstonie]

PB, you're doing really well. "Unasked for change." That hit the nail on the head, what gemgirl wrote above.

 

[monarch64]

Pinto Bean, how about a Bracelet Buddy?

https://www.amazon.com/JH-Smith-Jewelry-Helper/dp/B004UR14WC

 

[missy]

Pinto Bean, how about a Bracelet Buddy?

https://www.amazon.com/JH-Smith-Jewelry-Helper/dp/B004UR14WC

Yes, thanks Monnie! I was about to link this solution and also share another solution to try perhaps:

http://www.womansday.com/style/fashion/advice/a53501/how-to-put-on-bracelets/

When you're in a rush to get out the door, it's always a hassle to put on a clasp bracelet. You know how it is: If you don't have someone there to help, you're stuck struggling, wishing you had a third hand.

If you're like us, you've tried laying your hand on a table, as if you're preparing for a procedure. When that doesn't work, you hold down the bottom half of the bracelet on your wrist and jerk your hand until the other half meets the clasp. Somehow you always manage it, but it's never easy.


Of course, there are accessories you can buy to make the process easier—like the Bracelet Buddy—but why spend the extra money? Especially now that we know there's a much simpler way to put them on, thanks to a handy (see what we did there?) household item—Scotch tape!

Take a small piece of tape, and place it on the end of the bracelet without the clasp. Then put both on your wrist, and you should be able to easily bring the clasp to the circle. Easy, right? Even better, the whole process takes seconds. For a full demo, see the video below.

Good morning PintoBean! Hope you had a good night. I am vouching for J. She is a terrific person. You are going to adore her. She and her dh are saints. Glad she connected with you. (((HUGS))).

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

PB are you in the city or on the Island? I live on the Island and work in Brooklyn.

 

[gemgirl]

I was going to suggest a Bracelet Buddy too, I just didn't know if they made them anymore. I saw them on QVC more than ten years ago. I found the one that I saw way back then. It's not as skinny as the first one suggested. I'm more comfortable with a more substantial BB to hold on to. This is it -https://www.theparagon.com/product/bracelet-helper/bracelets-watches?p=1029340&utm_medium=shopping_engine&utm_source=googleshopping&utm_medium=cpc&CAWELAID=120020190000017244&gclid=CPLdoJvwydQCFY6Fswod0dAHZw

 

[gemgirl]

Oh, better on Amazon $6.34 and free one day shipping with a Prime membership. Doesn't everyone have Prime at this point?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0006Z3HM...t=&hvlocphy=9004510&hvtargid=pla-304920744870

 

[jaaron]

Pinto Bean - I'm just beginning to catch up. I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. I really can't believe it. I hope you're being good to yourself and leaning on the people around you. You sound almost too brave. I wish I was closer - NY pizza and Carvel ice cream cake sounds perfect. Please be well.

 

[PintoBean]

Ermagherd...

Got an email about SiriusXM and had an oh shit moment - gotta cancel the account for Mike's car!

I call and when I'm asked the reason for cancelling I say, "my husband was in a fatal car accident."

To which the rep replies, "is he ok?"
To which I reply, "no, he was in a fatal car accident."

 

[liaerfbv]

I am in awe that someone was smart enough to create a bracelet buddy. I've literally been using scotch tape to tape the bracelet to my arm on one side so I could hook it in on the other. I am...not that smart.

 

[monarch64]

I am in awe that someone was smart enough to create a bracelet buddy. I've literally been using scotch tape to tape the bracelet to my arm on one side so I could hook it in on the other. I am...not that smart.

I don't know...I'm not as smart as you because I never thought of using tape to hold the bracelet in place! I'm usually contorted with two wrists against one drawn-up thigh, struggling and cursing.