I'm a widow

[BlingDreams]

I agree with everyone else... that dress is adorable! I hope you find an occasion to wear it; one day, it might provide some comfort.

And I love all the stories you've been sharing about you and your husband. It sounds like you had a lot of spark and fun together. Share photos of this gorgeous garden you've got going on! I love hydrangeas <3 <3 <3.

Have you been able to get your paperwork scanned in yet? Any other "tasks" hanging around that need to be taken care of (that perhaps we could help with??)?

I'm thinking of you and hoping today is a good day. And that you get some great snuggles with your kitties tonight!!

 

[luv2sparkle]

What a great dress! I love it and I also love lace. I hope you will wear it anyway as a tribute to your years and love with Michael. I am quite sure you will be beautiful in it.

 

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean, I hope you got some rest last night. I like that you are sharing some treasured memories of your DH with your family, friends and us. I hope those give you some comfort. I think about you a lot and want you to know so many of us care.

Marcy

 

[Slickk]

Pinto, I too have been thinking of you these last few weeks. I love your dress and your spirit. You will be whole again. It takes time and comes in waves. Know that your beloved is with you in spirit. Watch for signs of him.
I'm not religious, but after seeing a medium (cold reading) after my parents passed away, I became a believer. Maybe someday you might feel up to seeing one.
Praise the bridge that carried you over. Hugs to you! Xoxo

 

[junebug17]

Just wanted to send some good thoughts and love to you PB. I'm glad you're enjoying your garden. Such a beautiful story about your husband. I hope you are able to get some rest. I'm keeping you in my thoughts. xox

 

[PintoBean]

Yesterday's widow stuff really was like a gut punch. I have to fill out a form for the DMV that is almost a copy of the police accident report... like so close that they have the same number code but the police form has an additional "a" at the end. I only had the nerve to fill it bc my SIL was there. I've had a scan of the draft police report but I hadn't looked at it. Also, I had heard of the car rolling over on itself from Frankie and a friend who heard from firemen but my neighbor wondered if it happened bc the roof looked untouched in the newspaper photo. Well, it's confirmed. I had to fill out the accident description and they gave me less space than the police report. My SIL is crying as I'm copying shit like hit sign, trees, rolled, woods, etc.

On a lighter note I went to visit my friend at the dive bar she works at and ordered "icy rocks with melted icy rocks." Crickets...crickets... "you want water?" They don't have filtered water so my friend went next door to the pizza place who hooks her up with free bottles of water, but the icy rocks are apparently filtered (except the local bar flies swear that my friend files her toenails over the ice.). Everyone at the bar is from the village I grew up in or the village I live in now. I feel like a "towny"!

I got to meet the 7 foster kittens. The woman who dropped them off is good friends with my Bellerina's foster mom! Small world! I've named the 11.4 oz runt "Piddles". There was caca on Piddles elbow so i washed it off. Piddles started purring when I held her in my outstretched hand, but that kept me from eating my Carvel sundae so I passed her off to my 70 year old neighbor who I told Piddles, "Piddles, he's so old that we'll call him ANCESTOR!" His wife almost fell out of her seat from laughing so hard.

 

[december-fire]

Awww, Pinto! Piddles is so cute but looks sad.
I hope she got lots of cuddles.

I also hope you don't have any, or much, paperwork left to do. That's just ... well, I have no words.

Sending hugs to Piddles and you.

 

[marcy]

Piddles is a total cutie.

Sorry widow stuff was so awful. Filling out the forms and paperwork just sucks.

Ancestor is a great nickname for your neighbor.

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Take care

 

[Tekate]

PB, hi!, I was away and you have been on my mind... I hope you are taking care of Pinto Bean.. I hope you are experiencing some sort of calmness.. I wish I could take away this whole thing. I am here, and I watch the thread.. you can find me on Instagram as Instagram recommended I follow you. Shock takes a long time to dissapate... remember everyone here has you in their hearts. Much love.

Tekate.
Peace to your soul.. and love.

 

[tyty333]

What a sweet little fur baby! I'm sorry you have to fill out all that paperwork. It seems like they have no compassion for the spouse. I hate it when
different government offices cant communicate. Seriously, police dept. cant share info with DMV? Or when you have to give the same info to 5 different
agencies that all have their own "form" with basically the same info.

 

[Puppmom]

Pinto, geez - I never really thought about the inefficiencies of government agencies and how that could impact someone who has lost a loved one.

It sounds like Michael was so sweet and that you two had such a special bond that not all married couples share.

 

[PintoBean]

I've been meaning to vent about this, but I'd get sidetracked or tired! First, sleep. Fell asleep around 2AM and woke up at 5AM! Honda laid on me for a little bit (we do "shnuggle shnuggle cuddle cuddle"). Then Bellie ended up snuggling against my left side. That put me to sleep. I woke up a few times to see her on her back doing her little "hands up" dance she does when she's content - waving her little arms in the air and rolling a little on her back. Intermittent sleep and finally woke up at 12:30PM to feed everyone "breakfast".

I suspected Mom didn't tell relatives about Michael passing. The lack of relatives at the wake and funeral... hmmm... I figured she's had a few weeks, so maybe she's taken care of it by now. I call her on Sunday and ask her, hey, btw, have you notified family members that Mike passed? No. Then she gave me some BS about how it's a "cultural" thing not to give bad news out (not going into it, but it's BS), and then she flips the script on me - "What, do you want people to call you to tell you how sorry they are? You just have to be strong." WTF? I called her on the BS and said mom, it's not a "cultural" thing it's a YOU thing. From what I gathered, she's only told 2 of her siblings, and no one on dad's side. What she doesn't realize is that I have some cousins on FB and they KNOW because of all the posts I was tagged in made by others. I asked her, "Don't you think family members will feel slighted finding out months later?" She replies, "I don't need to let everyone know. This is private. I didn't let anyone know you were getting married, either." At that point I peaced out.

I called one of my first cousins a few nights ago. I explained what happened, and that most likely my mom won't call them, but if she does out of the blue, just pretend you didn't know. And don't bother calling her. We talked a little, and my cousin, who is super super proper and polite said, it's no secret in the family that my mom has always been very critical of me, unnecessarily so. She wasn't surprised that my dad will call and ask me if I want anything to eat because she said my dad has always been very sweet. The "very critical" comment - that was an amazing revelation of sorts - like a ton of bricks off my back. My cousin's DAD (mom's oldest sibling) was notoriously strict with his daughters. If that family thought my mom was very critical, that speaks volumes lololol. My cousin also was very sympathetic and empathetic because a few years ago, her husband's best friend passed away after a short battle with cancer, and they supported his widow as she grieved.

I've still got an open invite for anyone to sleepover. I'll take you to all the NY PS vendors, and feed you! GOG has the best pizza place next door!

 

[Matata]

Your mom has the distinction of being most critical mom in the family? Geez PB, I don't know what to say. <<<<<hugs>>>>> You can love her and still tell her to kiss your Badonk-a-Donk.

 

[BoubaFris]

PB I am very late to this thread. I am so sorry. {big hugs}

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto Bean, I'm sorry about the paperwork. That had to be so hard to fill out. Why on earth can't you just scan a copy of the police report and send it in. It seems ridiculous to put you thru this. I'm glad your talk with your cousin went well. I wish I could give you a reasonable explanation on why your mom acted this way but unfortunately I'm still banging my head against the wall after reading this. I'm sorry. I'm sure your mom loves you. You are impossible not to love.

PIddles is the reason there are crazy cat ladies. How did you manage to leave without bringing her home???? That little face is precious!!!

 

[tyty333]

Your mom has the distinction of being most critical mom in the family? Geez PB, I don't know what to say. <<<<<hugs>>>>> You can love her and still tell her to kiss your Badonk-a-Donk.

I wanted to "Like" this about a hundred times! Family dynamics can be so fun??? I cant believe she is telling you, "You just have to be strong". Like, do you
need to remind her you just lost your husband...you need time to grieve! She sounds like a really tough cookie (and probably a flavor thats hard to swallow at the moment).

 

[ringo865]

Oh pinto. Your mom. Yikes. (((Hugs)))

 

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean. I am glad you got a little bit of sleep; and good deal you slept in until time for a late breakfast. I hate to hear about your mom. That was nice you discussed things with your cousin. Could your cousin notify your relatives for you? I wish we could all come over for a slumber party. I am keeping you in my thoughts. Big hugs!

Marcy

 

[PintoBean]

Blood doesn't make family. Bling does !
I'm supposed to get the death benefit check on Monday. It makes me want to vomit. I don't DESERVE it, I don't care that Michael would want me taken care of, it's ****ing blood money to me.

At some point I have to update my beneficiary for my benefits to someone. I think @iLander is my PS mom, @Phoenix is my younger sister and @upgradingmama is my PS daughter . Somehow when bling is involved we end up adopting each other Bahahaha

@monarch64 and I like the word "snugz". I decided to play joker and "riddle me this..." a la Batman. I'm still laughing at the joke, bc the voices in my head are funny.
Q: "what did the balls say to each other inside the speedos?"
A: "snugz"

Who wants to sleepover? I promise if I have gas I will pass it on the opposite side of the house. Weather permitting I'll even run outside!

I struggle being kind to myself. Michael would say, " don't listen to your mom. If you want ice cream let's go get ice cream." The night before he passed I had a wicked cold and I wanted fried chicken bc of the texture. Anything soft grosses me out when I lose my sense of smell. He brought home rotisserie instead and I was annoyed. Even though I hadn't asked for ice cream he brought home a couple pints of Ben and Jerry's bc regardless of whatever obstacles we were facing, I deserved a little sweet indulgence.

When my SIL and I went to the beach on Tuesday, we stopped by my parents' house bc she'd never been there before. As we were leaving my mom told my SIL that I have to cut my weight. Mortifying. My SIL took it well and just smiled and said, "we are going to the beach to exercise."

 

[MarionC]

Good morning Pinto
I'm thinking of you this morning so I came here to check on you. Wow about your Mom. I will adopt you right here and right now and tell you how wonderful you are, today and every day.
Sending love!
Jimmi

 

[snotty_pie]

Huge hugs to you, @PintoBean. And hang in there with your mom. She's being a piece of work, to say the least...

 

[LLJsmom]

PB, I'm so sorry about your Mom. You are handling it so well. Hugs to you and keep trying to put yourself first.

 

[mochiko42]

Oh, Pinto. I thought MY mother was critical, but holy moly, sounds like she has nothing on your mom. I'm sorry you have to hear such criticism! Eat all the damn ice cream you want to, who gives a sh*t.. In fact, eat a double helping just because!

 

[elle_71125]

Wow, your mom is something else. My mom at least has the "courtesy" of saying things behind my back. She's the kind of lady that points out the flaws on random strangers. I cringe just thinking about what she says about me.

I do think your Michael would want you to be taken care of. Try thinking about that check as something he's gifting to you. A way to make sure your safe and cared for. A gift isn't something you deserve. It's just given out of the kindness of someone's heart. It seems to me that your Michael loved you very much and had a big heart.

 

[missy]

PintoBean, I am sorry sweetheart. Mothers can really hurt us the way no one else can. I am so sorry honey but you know she loves you and she is doing the best she can under the circumstances. An imperfect human being just like the rest of us (maybe a little more imperfect than she should be under the circumstances but she is doing the best she can and I think that is important to remember) but it hurts deeply because she is your mother. ((((HUGS)))).

And fwiw I would take Jimmianne up on her offer. She is one amazing mother!

 

[Queenie60]

PintoBean - I am sorry about your conflicts with your mother. She's a mom...... what can I say? Thank you for sharing your stresses with her, this is reminding me to be kind to my daughter and to accept her for the beautiful person she is, flaws and all. You've given me a gift via this thread, I will treat Christina like the lovely young women she is. Thank you for this gift PintoBean. I wish you a nice weekend and see your strength coming through your posts. Keep your chin up sweetie - we're all here praying for you. Your biggest fan club!

 

[PierreBear]

Just wanted to say hello PintoBean and mention that you are so strong, dealing with family members. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

 

[tyty333]

Pinto...you make me laugh and want to cry in the same post. Your mother makes me just want to shake my head...do your best to realize that her need
to criticize says more about her than about you. Roll your eyes, let it bounce off, and move on. Your SIL sounds like a good one...I'm glad you have her right
now. I know that she is suffering too.

 

[TooPatient]

I'm sorry you've had so much to deal with. I have started to post so many times but needed time to chill after reading what the state and your mother are putting you through. You shouldn't have to deal with that when you are already going through so much.

Please think of the check as Michael's way of giving you a hug and making sure you are happy and comfortable. He planned to make sure you are taken care of.

I sold life insurance for awhile. The most memorable couple I visited turned out to be an older couple with plenty of coverage already. The memorable part is that he had cancer and was out of treatment options. I helped them understand their cancer policy so they could start getting help paying bills. Then he asked me about the actual death benefits. His wife wanted nothing to do with this part. She just wanted her husband to be okay. But he was so worried about her. He let me know that his biggest fear was that he would die and she wouldn't have enough to be comfortable. We talked about what would happen and how much she would get. You could see the weight lift from him as I went through it with him. He hugged me before I left and thanked me for letting him focus on enjoying his remaining time instead of being afraid for his wife.

So, please, just put it in an account and know that Michael made sure you had it because he loves you and wants to take care of you as long as he can.

 

[PintoBean]

Le sigh... my boss confirmed that they cannot get my contract extension approved due to more reductions in force happening this week. He offered to write me a letter of recommendation and be a reference, which I accepted.

I'm financially ok, but I wasn't ready yet, mentally and emotionally, for this change.

I am also having second thoughts about going to my in laws on Saturday. I'm truly tired now. I feel useless without a job.