I'm a widow

[gemgirl]

You are still in my thoughts PB...I read this thread multiple times a day (so I'm staying up with you...feel free to consider me a stalker ).

I am glad that there are things you can do that will give you a break from dealing with all the paperwork etc. You have a lot to offer and you
have a beautiful soul that you dont mind sharing with others.

When we were sitting outside at the burial site for my FIL, a white feather came slowly floating down out of the sky from like out of no where.
It was very odd but we use it as a sign and whenever we see a feather we (my kids) say grandpa's thinking about us. Its a nice way
to remember him and keep him in our thoughts. That's what the deer story reminded me of. Kind of like a sign.

That reminds me of the butterflies that seem to find me since my Dad's interrment service. Butterflies landing on me will always remind me of my Dad and him saying, "it's OK. I'm OK. It was meant to be."

 

[sweetpea&babycorn]

Hi PB: Just came across this thread, and wanted to say I"m so very sorry for this terrible loss. I love this community because of the support it brings for everyone in any situation or circumstance. I'm glad you find comfort here, and hope that you find your way back to peace. Sending you all the love and hugs in my heart.

 

[marcy]

Hi Pnto Bean. I've you continue to be in my thoughts I am glad you are talking to friends and neighbors, hopefully you find some comfort in getting some of your thoughts out. Counting crabs sound pretty interesting. That is very nice of you to offer to tutor. take care.

Marcy

 

[valeria101]

My mother would subject you to a 12 part lecture on why you shouldn't marry me.

All in a day's work ! ,-)

 

[valeria101]

The county is quite corrupt.

Would they take a simpler request for a Slippery Road sign - or let you plant one ?

 

[PintoBean]

@valeria101

I think it takes either a person of a certain "quality" having that accident or a "quantity" of people having that accident to make a difference.

It felt good today HELPING my friend/neighbor bc that's easy for me. I took him to my Toyota dealership to look at RAV4s. I told him to trust me that everyone knows me and everyone's nice. Lolol. One of the sales guys greets us and asks me what's new. I reply, "I'm a widow! You know that accident that happened over there east bound a few weeks ago?" "Yeah." "That was my husband." (Neighbor said I shocked everyone). Then I pointed at my friend and said this is my neighbor. He's looking for an AWD. I'm here too bc I'm considering one too. I'm one of those PITAs that walks around the show room when I'm getting my car serviced and asks about the new models and what's new and what not lol. And when I buy I come in with my figures and points of references lolol. And I also have a tendency to show a cat picture on my phone every 5 minutes.

I just can't deal with "how is your husband?" Questions bc everyone always remembers us - me as miss yackety yack and him as the quiet dude with the beard glasses and hat.

Ha ha - when we worked together A lot of people didn't know that we were the engaged then married couple except for our immediate colleagues. People were always shocked when they found out who my husband was lolol. Anyways, one time I walked by his cube and I leaned over and whispered to him, "I'm gonna fart and then I'm gonna walk away and everyone's gonna think you did it bc it will be emanating from your cube." He looks at me with this nervous smile and asks,"you're joking right?" He sees the look on my face and pleads," please don't." (Too late)... this event was from then on referred to as the "drive-by fart" incident.

 

[valeria101]

(Neighbor said I shocked everyone). ...

I just can't deal with "how is your husband?"

Lovely preemptive attack on the salesman ,-)

Better you shock them !

 

[thecat]

PB, you sound like a very positive person. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care.

 

[missy]

Hi PintoBean, just checking in here and saying hello. Hoping you are having a good night's sleep. You are in everybody's thoughts and prayers and hope you realize that so many people care about you.

When we get together feel free to do all the "drive by farting" you want... I'll blame it on the cat.

 

[upgradingmama]

PB I have not been on here in forever and just saw this. I'm so very sorry to hear this awful news. Take good care of yourself. Hugs...

 

[rainydaze]

Ha! I would have raced you out of my cube so fast if you had done that to me!! The older I get and the more couples I have gotten to know, the more I understand why it is said that opposites attract. And why it works.

What is bubble tea? Huh, looked it up and that sounds pretty yummy.

I'm sorry for the quiet discomforting nights. And for the calm after the storm, where you watch as people get on with their lives and you're left more alone with your void. *Hugs* Pinto.

 

[OreoRosies86]

Sending you heart shaped nose love today PB

 

[december-fire]

My mother would subject you to a 12 part lecture on why you shouldn't marry me. (She also asked my husband many many times if he was sure he wanted to marry me bc I'm not domestic and I'm messy and he would end up picking up after me. And if he liked Korean food so much had he considered a Korean wife?)

Good for your Mom!
If she'd been able to talk your dear husband out of marrying you, it would have revealed his love wasn't strong enough or he was actually looking for a maid or cook.

Pinto, your husband saw and loved you. You have such a wonderful, generous, loving, funny spirit and soul. That comes through so clearly just through your posts. You've touched our hearts through this forum, without ever meeting you in person. Thank you for what you've brought to our lives. I hope your husband's love for you will bring you comfort, warmth and strength, and that the painful, lonely days will diminish in intensity and frequency. It will take time. We'll be here to try and provide some support through the difficult times.

Well, back to extending my little garden. I really should have hired a gardener instead of a pool boy. I don't have a pool but, you know, pool boy.

 

[TooPatient]

You sound like a memorable couple. I can see why everyone remembers you both and asks after him. I'm sorry something so special ended so soon.

I also had to stop before posting a reply so that I could clean the tea off the dashboard of my car... I can imagine you walking in with a grin and doing your drive by fart. That is awesome.

 

[WhoaNelly]

I haven't been by in a long time and don't often comment---I ditto what others have said so eloquently---you are such a kind, cheerful, and wonderfully quirky soul. You and your husband sound like quite the pair; I'm grateful you had time with someone who saw, appreciated, and loved you for you, especially your farts which sound quite spectaular.

FWIW, when my mother died in the middle of winter, I saw monarch butterflies here and there. I took it as a sign from her.

 

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean, you are facing things head on and I admire your humor and spirit. I think that is a good idea just to get the new about your husband out there from the beginning. Did you and your neighbor buy some Rav4's today? I hope you get some sleep tonight. I am keeping you in my thoughts.
Marcy

 

[PintoBean]

Hee hee - I've taken to walking outside around my house in the AM in my night gowns if I haven't had my breakfast yet and I need to get something done. My night gowns are more modest than what the younger folks wear nowadays as outfits! After rushing outside to stuff another bag into the garbage can, I decided to walk around the back and check out my garden. 3/4 of my tomato plants are giving me tomatoes! 1+1+2=4 little green tomatoes!!!! One of my hydrangeas is showing some pink and another one is showing blue. The other hydrangeas are holding back on me!

I had therapy session 2 and I felt myself cringe when the psychologist complimented me on two occasions for being insightful and later impressive. Eesh! I asked @Tacori E-ring why it felt like me just chatting? And what am I supposed to get out of this again? She explained that the therapist is building a rapport with me right now (ohhh...) and I'm supposed to learn coping skills (ohhh...). I hope we get the learn on soon!!! I need coping skills for sure!

I decided to take a look at the dress I had bought for our 5 year anniversary. It's cute and cheeky with the black lining and the little collar and bow tie. I love lace.

A friend texted me tonight. One of those friends from HS who tend to drop the ball with communication that I always had to pull teeth to maintain the relationship. I appreciate the effort she and her sister are making. It's no coincidence that they both texted me one after the other. I thought it was sweet that she relayed an exchange with Mike that really stuck with her and impressed her with how special he was. He sent her a message once. It was either shortly before or after the wedding. It was a day She and her sister had taken a bit too long to reply to me about plans we were making together. He reached out to ask if everything was okay. Then said something like oh, was just checking bc he didn't want my feelings to get hurt from waiting too long. She said he was so quietly considerate it floored her. I said yes, that was my husband, always delicately handling my heart and my feelings. He knew that this tough girl wasn't so tough and is really a big mush (or as @jordyonbass would say in "Australian" - a sook). I cried when she texted me this story.

Anyways, here's my dress!

 

[valeria101]

Nice morning & fun dress - such things make me happy, sure bet ! Not sure I'd go for Cringe Therapy ...

 

[sweet_blossom]

Beautiful dress.

Thinking of you....

 

[gemgirl]

You would look just adorable in that dress. Do you have a pair of cute strappy sandals with a nice heel? Ohhh, black patent leather would look perfect!

 

[Calliecake]

Pinto, That dress will look gorgeous on you!!!

Reading your post it is plain to see that your husband really "got you". I'm so sorry you are going thru this.

 

[yennyfire]

Love the dress PB! It fits the image I have of you in my head perfectly! I hope you'll find a special occasion and wear it, knowing that your hubby would have loved it.

I LOL'd at your description of therapy session #2. Yup, rapport and establishing a safe environment....check! Truly though, give it some time. No therapist worth their salt would expect anyone to open up the first session or two...it takes time.

Yay for tomatoes and hydrangeas! I hope you make a yummy salad or something with the tomatoes when they are ripe. Or maybe a BLT? The possibilities are endless, really!

I hope that you manage to sleep better tonight.....sendings hugs PB.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

YAY for new blossoms--like your dress. Big YAY!

cheers--Sharon

 

[lovedogs]

awww your dress is super cute! I definitely understand that therapy can feel (at first) like just chatting and not much substance. But yes, it's true that she needs to built rapport and a relationship with you before starting any real work--especially since you are going through grief right now. It's important that there's trust built first, but it can feel weird initially. Thinking of you!!!

 

[marcy]

Hi Pinto Bean. Your dress is very cute; I love lace too. That is a very nice story your HS friend relayed to you. I would imagine it will take several sessions with your therapist to get past the initial getting to know each other stage. That is great you have some tomatoes and new flowers. I love veggies right out of the garden. Thinking of you. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

Marcy

 

[december-fire]

What a great dress! Definitely 'cute and cheeky'; perfect for you.

I've been thinking about your garden. Hydrangeas are beautiful, and I'm impressed that you've got pink and blue! I thought I read that the colour is dependent upon the soil composition, so figured a person would get one or the other unless they did something to the soil.

Wow! Tomatoes! Wonderful! What about your mesculan (?) - lettuce?
I put in a non-flower garden this year. First time ever. Just a small, raised bed of 30 x 40 - inches! I don't think it will impact the number of trips to the grocery store, but I'm loving the fresh leaf lettuce and little tomatoes. I also planted a few strawberry plants (which are producing berries! Who knew!), and my neighbour gave me some oregano plants and - you'll love this - some Egyptian Walking Onions. Yup!

By the way, I love hearing about your wonderful husband. What a sweet and special man. I hope your pain will be replaced by the warmth of his love.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

PB, give the therapist a few months if you feel comfortable with her. You'll get there. I wish WE could get bubble tea together. I *puffy heart* bubble tea.

 

[mary poppins]

Thinking about you tonight, PB. I hope you are getting a good night of rest.
Great dress!

 

[Sagefemme]

PB, I just noticed this thread. I am so sorry. What a shock you have suffered. Five years is not enough time to have with your beloved. But it does sound like you had some wonderful times together. Make sure you say "yes" to all offers of assistance from friends and family. Now is the time to let people do nice things for you, and for you to be extra nice to yourself.

 

[missy]

PintoBean I love the dress. Glad that therapy is going smoothly. I hope you're sleeping well.

You were the first one I told the news from yesterday to by the way. We will have to get you that side car...

TTYL. (((HUGS))).