I just wanna say -- the random comments thread

[missy]

Yeah, it’s making me feel like she thinks I’m some kind of ogre, because had she come to me at any point, we would have figured it out. There was a time in the summer where I offered to hire someone else to lighten the load, but she insisted that she didn’t want that (as it would have reduced her hours). And she insisted that everything was fine when I’d check in on her after that until she gave me her quitting speech yesterday. Not even a “can we talk about making some changes” - just an I’m leaving. I’ve always thought I was a pretty good mentor up until now...

This is about her and has nothing (and no refection on you) to do with your ability or skill or compassion as a mentor. This is all on her. I'm sorry you are dealing with the ramifications of her behavior. I am confident (based on knowing you as I do through your posts) that you are a wonderful and caring mentor.

 

[lyra]

@cmd2014 That's shocking behaviour. I'm not sure what field you're in (have a very loose general idea), but sheesh, jobs are so hard to come by, I can't believe she thinks she would even have the option to come back. My eldest (31) has had to keep going back to school in order to just get a permanent full time benefits job in the GTA. She's completing a 1 year post grad right now, further 10K in debt and top of her class, but the profs have already warned that she'll likely have to take a contract position, no benefits bottom rung job when she's done. So no, I don't get the "too stressed" or "I'll come back later" attitude you're facing.

 

[AprilBaby]

Made her arrival early this morning!

 

[cmd2014]

Congratulations @AprilBaby!!! She's beautiful and perfect!!!

 

[TooPatient]

Made her arrival early this morning!

She is beautiful!! Did you make her that cute hat?

 

[MamaBee]

Made her arrival early this morning!

She’s beautiful!! Congratulations grandma!

 

[Matata]

My millennial employee has just quit without notice (and feels justified in leaving me in a panic) because she feels stressed by her responsibilities (in life, not with me).

You're lucky she didn't ghost you and simply disappear. It's been widely reported that this generation feels no obligation to give notice and apparently there are a fair number who just stop going to work. While this was more common in service and low wage jobs, the phenomenon is increasing in white and blue collar positions. This is allegedly happening because plentiful jobs and they can hopscotch to a new job whenever something irks them about their present one. I'm calling BS on that because regardless of one's golden opportunities, common courtesy should still matter.

 

[AGBF]

Congratulations, AprilBaby! She really is perfect!

Deb

 

[TooPatient]

I am sick of doctors. Ignoring long term issues until June when I am done with school. Others are more immediate and I am dealing with even when it means finding new Drs because I am tired of begging the old one to listen. Specifically a "slightly abnormal" papsmere that I would have just had another done after a year to make sure all is good except now I have random pain plus have been bleeding every couple of days for the last month. My GP (with focus in gyn) hasn't even messaged me back. The place that did the pap has me coming in to talk about the issues and what is next. (I need to find a different place that is more equipped if they say it needs more than just a repeat pap.)

 

[Matata]

The shoes for my stepson's wedding. My dress (still being shortened) is about the same color. My pointy toes and I will be deadly to anyone who dares ask me if they are comfortable

 

[TooPatient]

The shoes for my stepson's wedding. My dress (still being shortened) is about the same color. My pointy toes and I will be deadly to anyone who dares ask me if they are comfortable

I love them!

Anyone who dares ask about comfort deserves that point to remind them that it is poor manners to ask such things.

 

[Matata]

Anyone who dares ask about comfort deserves that point to remind them that it is poor manners to ask such things.

 

[yssie]

You're lucky she didn't ghost you and simply disappear. It's been widely reported that this generation feels no obligation to give notice and apparently there are a fair number who just stop going to work. While this was more common in service and low wage jobs, the phenomenon is increasing in white and blue collar positions. This is allegedly happening because plentiful jobs and they can hopscotch to a new job whenever something irks them about their present one. I'm calling BS on that because regardless of one's golden opportunities, common courtesy should still matter.

Whilst I agree wholeheartedly, this would be more contextually reproachful if [many] employers hadn't spent decades mistreating job-seekers and current employees in exactly these ways. "At will" employment goes both ways, and "good will" is a relationship, not a soliloquy - maybe this generation's irreverence will force [all] corporations to (finally) take that to heart.

I've personally been lucky to land at wonderful companies... and have had enough questionable interviewing experiences and have heard enough anecdotes to know just how lucky I am!

 

[Matata]

employers hadn't spent decades mistreating job-seekers and current employees in exactly these ways. "At will" employment goes both ways, and "good will" is a relationship, not a soliloquy - maybe this generation's irreverence will force [all] corporations to (finally) take that to heart.

The balance of power has definitely shifted to the employee side of the house due to declining birth rates (in the US at least) leading to a smaller available workforce. But today's millennials haven't been mistreated for decades -- as their parents were -- and in a fair number of industries (perhaps the majority of which are tech), millennial supervisors are supervising other millennials. So either they aren't taught how to be good supervisors or they don't care or a combo of both. Corporations have been rethinking their practices since the population decline was predicted in the 1980s. I remember trying to get my employer to pay attention to what the trends were predicting. However, as long as money rather than people remains the top priority of US businesses, the change you and I would like to see will be incrementally slow. I suspect US businesses will begin importing more foreign employees and exporting ever more jobs oversees if adapting to millennials' expectations has a negative effect on profit and investors. It will be interesting to see what happens when all the old men who run corporations and control boards retire/die and are replaced by a more forward thinking group.

 

[cmd2014]

This is about her and has nothing (and no refection on you) to do with your ability or skill or compassion as a mentor. This is all on her. I'm sorry you are dealing with the ramifications of her behavior. I am confident (based on knowing you as I do through your posts) that you are a wonderful and caring mentor.

Thank you Missy. I did not have the best experiences in my own training eons ago, so I have always tried really hard to be supportive of the people that I am training. I know I tried in this case too, but I did wonder if she was suited to the job. She's very young for her age, and if I am being honest, she just wasn't getting up to speed in the same way that everyone else who has worked for me has. So I do think she was feeling criticized a lot, as I was having to give a fair bit of constructive feedback rather than just giving praise. I thought I was couching it in a lot of positive feedback, but perhaps not enough. But I did think that we had a good relationship, and I had hoped that things would improve with time.

@cmd2014 That's shocking behaviour. I'm not sure what field you're in (have a very loose general idea), but sheesh, jobs are so hard to come by, I can't believe she thinks she would even have the option to come back. My eldest (31) has had to keep going back to school in order to just get a permanent full time benefits job in the GTA. She's completing a 1 year post grad right now, further 10K in debt and top of her class, but the profs have already warned that she'll likely have to take a contract position, no benefits bottom rung job when she's done. So no, I don't get the "too stressed" or "I'll come back later" attitude you're facing.

I don't get it either. Jobs are NOT plentiful in our field, there's a lot of competition, and she's at a stage in her career where these early jobs can either launch you or skuttle you. She's also at a stage where time management and stress management have usually been worked out by now. She was surprised when I said that I did not feel that under the circumstances I could give her a good reference, given how she had handled announcing that she was leaving. Honestly, if she had come to me anywhere along the way and said she was struggling, I would have helped (and actually, I did ask her quite often if there were things that we could do to make it easier for her, but she always said no). So quitting without even talking to me about whether there might have been ways to make things work for her (after a total of 4 months on the job) is shocking and disappointing. It's not professional at all.

The good news is that I have reached out to my contacts and am interviewing tomorrow, so hopefully I will have a new person into the position soon.

 

[cmd2014]

I am sick of doctors. Ignoring long term issues until June when I am done with school. Others are more immediate and I am dealing with even when it means finding new Drs because I am tired of begging the old one to listen. Specifically a "slightly abnormal" papsmere that I would have just had another done after a year to make sure all is good except now I have random pain plus have been bleeding every couple of days for the last month. My GP (with focus in gyn) hasn't even messaged me back. The place that did the pap has me coming in to talk about the issues and what is next. (I need to find a different place that is more equipped if they say it needs more than just a repeat pap.)

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I've been through the abnormal pap smear dance and it's not fun. Hoping yours is able to get sorted out and that you can find a new doctor (at a convenient time) that is a better fit.

 

[AprilBaby]

She is beautiful!! Did you make her that cute hat?

Hospital supplied! Much nicer than my kids had!

 

[TooPatient]

Hospital supplied! Much nicer than my kids had!

It looks handmade! What a wonderful touch.

 

[Bonfire]

Made her arrival early this morning!

Congratulations grandma, she’s gorgeous!

 

[AprilBaby]

Thank you!

 

[missy]

Made her arrival early this morning!

@AprilBaby mazel tov! She's a beautiful girl. May she bring you and your family much love and joy and happiness.

 

[Calliecake]

@April Baby, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Such happy happy news.
Keep that little baby girl warm!

 

[Calliecake]

LOL on the shoes @Matata . They look beautiful. Unfortunately the really pretty ones are seldom comfortable.

 

[TooPatient]

I hate this part of having fur babies... One of my kitties is going in for a dental in the morning. The vet is good. Certified for veterinary surgery. All that. I just hate leaving one of my furries for surgery and waiting for news they are awake and all good. The staff calls as soon as they are done. I get updates through the day. They call if they find anything needing more than just a clean. I authorize life saving measures but they call immediately with details to allow me to continue or not. It is all the best you could want. It still just scares me so bad that I could be snuggling for the last time and letting them (potentially) die in a strange place thinking I abandoned them.

I'll be fine. I just hate the waiting!

 

[missy]

I hate this part of having fur babies... One of my kitties is going in for a dental in the morning. The vet is good. Certified for veterinary surgery. All that. I just hate leaving one of my furries for surgery and waiting for news they are awake and all good. The staff calls as soon as they are done. I get updates through the day. They call if they find anything needing more than just a clean. I authorize life saving measures but they call immediately with details to allow me to continue or not. It is all the best you could want. It still just scares me so bad that I could be snuggling for the last time and letting them (potentially) die in a strange place thinking I abandoned them.

I'll be fine. I just hate the waiting!

Aww I get how you feel and I feel the same way when our fur babies have procedures and need anesthesia.
Good luck to your sweet kitty today and may the dental procedure and anesthesia go smoothly and that kitty awakes feeling better than ever.

 

[missy]

Thanks @missy I hope so! Crummy pics from me will definitely be coming IF I ever get it..

@Mamabean I'm thinking of you and hoping you received the bling. I have a package that is late and tracking just says on way to destination but it arrived in Brooklyn on the 24th and here I am 7 days later and it has still not been delivered. How can it be still in transit? Not bling but winter boots from Quebec. Anyway just wanted to check in on you and see if you had any happy (I hope) updates.


@TooPatient hope kitty is done with the dental work and is doing well.

 

[MamaBee]

@Mamabean I'm thinking of you and hoping you received the bling. I have a package that is late and tracking just says on way to destination but it arrived in Brooklyn on the 24th and here I am 7 days later and it has still not been delivered. How can it be still in transit? Not bling but winter boots from Quebec. Anyway just wanted to check in on you and see if you had any happy (I hope) updates.


@TooPatient hope kitty is done with the dental work and is doing well.

Oh no @missy! It’s so upsetting..Was it USPS? I hope it comes tomorrow!

I’ve had more problems with them lately. I kept texting my mail carrier so he tore apart the post office and actually found it..Someone had put it in the wrong place!? It didn’t update for days..I was losing sleep over it too...It ended well so it’s all good. I posted some photos in the two week club thread but I can be forced to share my crummy pics again.

 

[TooPatient]

@missy I just got the call he is out of the cleaning and starting to wake up. They didn't have details for me yet as the tech and vet are still back in recovery but they would have called if complications so I am sure it is okay. They had several surgeries to complete before dentals today so I was warned it could be later than usual. Pick up pushed to 5:30 so he can recover from anesthesia before going home.

 

[TooPatient]

Long day! Finally home. They did one extraction but the rest looked great.

 

[Calliecake]

Great News Too Patient. Anytime anesthesia is involved it’s scary. It’s a huge relief when you know they are well and you get them back home.