How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From?"

[Circe]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

so...pretty much what i'm getting is that if I walk outside tomorrow and find a small green hairless man w/big eyes and a large head, I'm just going to smile and say Hi, beautiful day isn't it? and keep on a walkin.

Yes, exactly! And when he passes news of your acceptance and sensitivity on to my home planet of Judea, we will speak highly of your tact.

 

[packrat]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

thas' me, Ambassador of Iowan Tact and Acceptance!

 

[Circe]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

thas' me, Ambassador of Iowan Tact and Acceptance!

Heheheheh - seriously, though, it *does* feel a little like being an alien when the ways in which you are not-the-default becomes the center of attention. A few years ago when I went to Sweden, my husband was talking about history with a 12 year old friend of the family ... a newspaper article about Hitler's plans to invade Sweden had just been published. He asked him, "So ... why did he hate Jews so much? What did they do to deserve it? Are they really that different?"

The he asked, "I mean, have you ever met a Jew?"

And my husband gestured at me and said, "You could say that ... Circe's Jewish."

It's no fun being exotic. And to his credit, the kid didn't ask me any weird or prying questions, but apparently he did read more about the history: we had a chat about it this year. I think that's the way to go ... to research the culture or whatever points of curiosity might arise independently, unless and until you and the person are really close. Otherwise it puts people into that awkward "native informant" class" ....

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I'm with Deb in lumping all "whites" into one category.....I'm beginning to not like it at all. Most of my ancestors came from Scotland, on both sides, and they settled in Tennessee when they got off of the boats. One of the Grandmothers refused to learn English because she didn't want to come over here. So, does that make me Scottish-American even though it was many generations ago???? I was conceived in Texas, born just outside of Chicago, and came back to Texas when I was 2 1/2 months old. My whole family is from the South and I'm the only one born up North...am I pissed? YES! But, I consider myself a native Texan since life begins at conception...at least I believe so! Someone on here griped because I'm a Christian, too. More discrimination....SAD!

My Mother's maiden name is Jordan. Does that mean some of our family came from the country of Jordan? Maybe so? I would love to find out! My Grandfather had olive colored skin.

I have whlte colored skin, green eyes, and speak with a Texas accent. I've been asked, many times, where I'm from. I welcome the question because it gives me a chance to talk about my history. Somebody on PS has accused me of being too proud and that Texans think they are better than anyone else and that's why Texans are hated around the US....talk about discrimination! If Texas is so bad, why are there so many people here from all over the US and the World looking for good jobs and a great standard of living???? You should hear all of the different accents and see the different "colors" of people here in the Houston area! I love it! I've made friends from all over the World and we have enjoyed learning about each other and I find it quite fascinating. Not EVERYTHING has to be negative! My former job, with Exxon, involved interacting with the International side of business and every day was spent with employees from every country you could imagine.

Since I have SLE Lupus, you wouldn't believe how differently I've been treated.....asked what is wrong with me. I welcome those questions, too. It gives me a chance to explain what SLE is.

This issue has really peaked my interest. Not all "white" people have it easy, either.

Lori

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

And you can call me Texan-American! I'm very friendly and get along with everyone who will get along with me!

Lori

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

When I visited Ireland many years ago, some people found out I was from Texas and asked if I owned oil wells and horse ranches.....

Lori

 

[Autumnovember]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I get asked often and I just answer. I haven't ever been asked in an offensive context so I easily open up and talk about where I'm from. I'm 100% Russian, half jewish, half christian. People LOVE to ask me if I love vodka. THAT annoys me.

A lot of times people hear my name and assume I'm spanish.

Judging by my looks, people think I'm Italian.

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I'm with Deb in lumping all "whites" into one category.....I'm beginning to not like it at all.

Hi, Lori. I love your postings. Always. They are very real and human and just...personal. You never have an ounce of pretense and I love you for it. I am not sure I said what you think I did about white people, though. On the other hand, I sometimes say things and accidentally confuse people. Just don't take me too seriously

Hugs,
Deb

 

[Circe]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Just putting this out there as a general observation ... if you (collective "you") disagree with generic "white" or Caucasian as an ethnic grouping, that means you're very careful to differentiate between Ukrainian and Georgian, Nigerian and Ugandan, Tibetan and Hmong, right?

Right?

ETA: Off-topic, but, Deb, your sig made me giggle a little.

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I just wonder why we are all called WHITE in the first place. I will take back my quote from you Deb. I recently had a conversation with a fellow who was, in his words...."half white, half Hispanic" and he hated the Hispanic part. It blew me away because he had dark hair, brown eyes and dark skin. I'm pale, green eyes, medium brown straight hair and I've tried to look his color all of my life....used to use baby oil to bake in the sun!

We were both waiting outside of our shrink's office when we had this discussion. I tried to talk with him about this issue, but had no clue what to say to him...this guy wanted to look WHITE and there way no way around it. I used to want to look brown and there was no way around it! Thanks to my SLE Lupus, I'm allergic to the sun and I'm as pale as a ghost.

I was born with straight as a rod hair...used to perm the heck out of it cause I wanted an afro....it was the 70's....why couldn't I be happy with my straight hair?

Guess I'm puzzled at all of the racial stuff. It hasn't changed. People are being tortured all over the world for what they look like and for what other people "think" they are all about.

I would LOVE to be bilingual....tried to learn Spanish my entire life...I can understand the language more than I can speak it. Maybe I'm a minority since I would love to have an awesome family history....well, I do, but it is Texan....I'm very proud of it...when I'm not being comdemned for it.

Lori

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Personally, I've been put down for being from Texas, for being from the South, for being white, for being a female, for having SLE Lupus, for being overweight due to the SLE Lupus, for having tattoos, for not being able to work any longer, for being on SSI disability, for being a Christian, for being a Baptist, for not going along with the crowd.

Being white isn't always a piece of cake! I tell it like I see it now that I have nothing to lose....every day is a fight for my life and I know where I'm going when I leave this world!

Lori

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

ETA: Off-topic, but, Deb, your sig made me giggle a little.

The quotation from Nelson DeMille's book in which his protagonist John Corey says, "If someone asks me how many people work here, I say, 'about half '. " ?

I love that. (Obviously.) I hate Nelson DeMille's politics, but I love his writing for its entertainment value and his sense of humor. Some critics think that John Corey makes too many wisecracks, but I am always amused and entertained for every second of a Nelson DeMille book featuring John Corey. Uh oh. For a minute I thought I was in one of The Library threads. Never mind.

Deb

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Just putting this out there as a general observation ... if you (collective "you") disagree with generic "white" or Caucasian as an ethnic grouping, that means you're very careful to differentiate between Ukrainian and Georgian, Nigerian and Ugandan, Tibetan and Hmong, right?

Right?

That would make some logical sense to me, Circe, but I am not invested in the matter. I am willing to go with the flow on that. I feel mellow about it.

What I said earlier, by the way, (to Freke who already replied to it in full) was not that I objected to grouping people as white or Caucasian. I said it bothered me that white Hispanic people were sometimes called "Hispanic" as their race.

I said, "Hispanic" isn't a race. One can be of African American/black racial heritage; Caucasian/white racial heritage; Indigenous Native American racial heritage from any of many tribes... or a mix of any of those and still be Hispanic if one has a certain historical and cultural heritage in Latin America.

Deb/AGBF

 

[Circe]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Oh, agreed - I think that the distinction between being Latino/a and being Hispanic is an important one that tends to be obscured (just as I know a number of people of Caribbean descent who don't really love being referred to as African-American). But I do think that "Hispanic," like "Jewish," is used to reference a whole lot of things simultaneously ... culture, ethnicity, and more. I'm all for specificity, I just think we should be consistent about it!

 

[SandyCheeks]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

This has been an interesting question I've pondered through all my life. My dad was German/Welsh and my Mom is Japanese. When I lived in Japan all the locals would call my 'gaijin' which is foreigner as they thought I looked more Caucasian and when I was growing up in a small desert town in California I always got 'oriental'. Now at 43 living in a metropolitan area ofSouthern California, there are so many mixed marriages and children of mixed heritage I feel that in the past15 years I've come to embrace my background. However I still get the question once in a while.

 

[ForteKitty]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I don't mind when people ask, "where are you from?", but I do get a little annoyed when people ask, "WHAT are you?" If they are curious about what type of Asian I am, they should just ask about my ethnicity. I know most people don't mean to be rude, they're just curious. The real racists will just flat out make slant eye/chink comments to you face. Like I mentioned in the other thread, I've encountered those comments everywhere, even in diverse California.

 

[blackprophet]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I live near Toronto, and here asking where you are from is the norm. Everybody asks everyone. Even whites get asked by whites and non-whites. Its just the norm. From what I've seen anyways. So I don't mind when people ask me, cause I probably am curious myself! And being black, I have enough negative steriotypes levied against me to fill a pool. Although I must say people don't usually ask "where are you from", I'd say they ask "what is your background".

I think it is partially because this is just a high immigrant area (from all places around the world). But as well I think its an interesting contrast between the US and Canada. In Canada (in Ontario at least) we haven't gone the melting pot route, I think our society has held on to the fact that we all came from somewhere else even if it was hundreds of years ago (except for native americans). Most people can trace their heritage to their country of origin (even those who's ancestors have been here hundreds of years). And those heritages are celebrated.

I do have two interesting antedotes though. First I have a friend who's parents are Fillipino, he was born and raised here. But he will adamantly tell you that he is canadian, and that is how he identifies himself. Not fillipino. This is the exception here not the rule.

The second, is years ago my Dad took my brother to open a bank account. And the lady asked my brother "where are you from". My dad responded very angrily "why are you asking him that!". He did it, because he was protecting agains those steriotypes. And he figured the lady thought my brother wasn't born in the country, which she had no reason to think just because he was black.

 

[House Cat]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I smile and say, "California!"

Why would anyone be offended by such small talk? I would imagine that if someone wanted offend me, they would use much more creative means.

 

[Ella]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

A Threadjack, but AGBF, please contact us. Your registered email address is bouncing and we have some information for you.

 

[Chewbacca]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I've never been asked in a rude way, so I don't mind the question. So many of us here originated elsewhere, and so many of us have mixed backgrounds! SO and I have been presumed to be tourists a handful of times, even after we have spoken. Sometimes people want to know how long your family has been here, and they share the same about theirs.

For the record, I'm New Zealand European.

 

[Ella]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

 

[04diamond<3]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I don't like when people ask me if I'm Mexican. I've gotten that my entire life. I'm 100% Romanian but I have olive skin, dark long hair and *big* brown eyes. I'd get pretty upset when I was younger, but as I've gotten older I just correct them. Living in the suburbs where most of the people I'm around are American (like my DH), I enjoy standing out.

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

There has been a really interesting conversation in the thread that started this one. I didn't want people posting here to miss it, so I am reposting the most recent posts from it.

Initial post that I am reposting:

Pregcurious - I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I honestly don't see a problem with asking someone where they are from. I see the problem with asking based on some fear of an ethnicity, or based on dislike for other races yes. I just don't see a problem with asking about people. Again, to me it is part of embracing who they are, be it if they say they're from Boston, or they say they're from Korea, or they say they're from London. Part of getting to know someone is getting to know who they are, where they're from, how they live, what they value, what they don't value, and ethnicity does play a role in that in families who honor their heritage. I am a white American girl, no doubt, but I have Portuguese blood very close up, and my family cooked certain meals and my grandmother is a firm Roman Catholic, and there are parts of that heritage that I embrace and that I recognize and that I sometimes like to share with others. My friend and her mother do not look at themselves as foreign, but they do recognize and honor traditions from their family and from that country. In some cases, it can make a difference in what someone eats, or wears, or how they speak, or their mannerisms. It's important to me to be able to respect those things about someone who has a different background than myself. It's not like someone's looking at you and saying "You're black, you must be from Africa." But to see someone who is different from myself, and to ask them "So where are you from, tell me about yourself," shouldn't be an offensive issue. Especially if you have no problem with yourself and your own history and ethnicity. Automatically assuming someone is asking from a perspective of discrimination or misunderstanding of who you are based on your race is playing the cards in reverse in my opinion. "You're white so you must not understand me being hispanic in America." That thought process isn't really fair for those of us who wish to better understand the people we meet, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or home country.

You identify as a "white American girl." In many ways, that is a privilege that others can't share in the same way.

Its likely that you don't mind the question because you aren't asked it very often. I understand that the question "Where are you from?" might seem like harmless question, but its a question that comes with the connotation "You're not from here. You do not belong here." Like when you find an errant screw on the ground, and you wonder, "where is this from?" because the screw is not in its rightful place.

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Second post that I am reposting:

I enjoyed Leonard Pitts column on the subject http://www.miamiherald.com/2013/09/21/3639842/ignorant-bigotry-of-miss-americas.html

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Third post that I am reposting:

Pregcurious - I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I honestly don't see a problem with asking someone where they are from. I see the problem with asking based on some fear of an ethnicity, or based on dislike for other races yes. I just don't see a problem with asking about people. Again, to me it is part of embracing who they are, be it if they say they're from Boston, or they say they're from Korea, or they say they're from London. Part of getting to know someone is getting to know who they are, where they're from, how they live, what they value, what they don't value, and ethnicity does play a role in that in families who honor their heritage. I am a white American girl, no doubt, but I have Portuguese blood very close up, and my family cooked certain meals and my grandmother is a firm Roman Catholic, and there are parts of that heritage that I embrace and that I recognize and that I sometimes like to share with others. My friend and her mother do not look at themselves as foreign, but they do recognize and honor traditions from their family and from that country. In some cases, it can make a difference in what someone eats, or wears, or how they speak, or their mannerisms. It's important to me to be able to respect those things about someone who has a different background than myself. It's not like someone's looking at you and saying "You're black, you must be from Africa." But to see someone who is different from myself, and to ask them "So where are you from, tell me about yourself," shouldn't be an offensive issue. Especially if you have no problem with yourself and your own history and ethnicity. Automatically assuming someone is asking from a perspective of discrimination or misunderstanding of who you are based on your race is playing the cards in reverse in my opinion. "You're white so you must not understand me being hispanic in America." That thought process isn't really fair for those of us who wish to better understand the people we meet, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity or home country.

You identify as a "white American girl." In many ways, that is a privilege that others can't share in the same way.

Its likely that you don't mind the question because you aren't asked it very often. I understand that the question "Where are you from?" might seem like harmless question, but its a question that comes with the connotation "You're not from here. You do not belong here." Like when you find an errant screw on the ground, and you wonder, "where is this from?" because the screw is not in its rightful place.

The bolded part is pretty much it. This is what people usually ask:

"Where are you from?" "Los Angeles"
"No, where were you born?" "Los Angeles"
"But you're Asian. Where are you really from?" "seriously?"

eta: I am very proud of my heritage. I speak and read the language and I know more about my history than most of my peers. I just don't like when people assume I'm not from around here. You don't want to know how often I've been told that I should "Go back to where you belong".

 

[AGBF]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

You identify as a "white American girl." In many ways, that is a privilege that others can't share in the same way.

Its likely that you don't mind the question because you aren't asked it very often. I understand that the question "Where are you from?" might seem like harmless question, but its a question that comes with the connotation "You're not from here. You do not belong here." Like when you find an errant screw on the ground, and you wonder, "where is this from?" because the screw is not in its rightful place.

IndyLady-

I found these to be the most powerful lines I had read in this thread or any other in quite a while. You were extremely succinct and you hit the nail on the head. Many, many years ago-back in the 1960's-The Black Panther Party used to talk about, "white skin privilege". White skin privilege was the privilege, completely taken for granted by white people, that they would be treated like everybody else: maybe not well, but badly by the mean people and well by the good people and so forth. White skin privilege ensured that you could do the normal things people do with the normal risks.

People of color can't. Kenny wrote about his significant other is treated differently from the way he is because Kenny has light skin and his SO is Mexican and looks Mexican. We have heard stories here from Asian women who heard comments made. If you are white, sometimes you are not aware of the privilege you have in the US just by being white.

AGBF

 

[GliderPoss]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

This is a really interesting thread!

I'm whitey mcwhite Aussie with a fairly common English/Scottish heritage (yes First Fleet and all that!) so I've never experienced any discrimination for appearance/name reasons. In Australia the accent doesn't really vary state to strate so usually you cannot tell just by talking to someone where they are from - hence many people will ask you "Where are you from?". I don't believe in that context it's meant to be offensive. Usually links to futher questions about your particular state - NSW, QLD etc...

I guess I do find it interesting that some people identify more strongly with their heritage than where they were born/live (if indeed the two are separate!). Eg. Common answer to where are you from may be (example) "I'm Lebanese". I say oh wow - which town etc and they reply "oh no I was born in Australia but my parents are Lebanese!". This baffles me seriously. Born & bred here - never stepped foot elsewhere but identify with a totally foreign country? Genuine question, anyone else feel this way - can you explain it to me?

 

[Indylady]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

Deb, I respect and value your thoughts very much, and appreciate your comment very much. Thank you for relaying my post to this thread. I hadn't read it yet, but I will now.

 

[loriken214]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

I had a conversation with a very nice gentleman, while waiting to see my rheumatologist, yesterday afternoon. This man was black...I don't know if he was from Africa or not. I heard him say that his last name was "Walker" and it peaked my interest because my maiden name is Walker, too. So, I introduced myself to him and said I wonder if we might be related since we share the same name. It started a lively conversation about where our "people" came from and it turns out that both of our families came to America through Tenn. Some of his family went to Florida and so did mine. It was awesome!

Also, I NEVER grew up with the "white privilege" feeling since my late mom grew up in public housing here in Houston. Both of her parents were disabled and they both worked to the best of their ability. My grandfather went blind when mom was 11, but he worked until he retired. My grandmother had a stroke at 22 and her left arm was paralized. She could only do limited work at the church. Mom had to work part-time, while in high school, to help support the family.

My dad was born on the farm and my grandfather had to come to Houston to find work after the depression hit. They had nothing and my grandparents worked hard for everything they had.

I wasn't raised with money and I have had to work for everything I have, too.

Being white didn't make a difference to me as far as I can tell.

Lori

 

[LaraOnline]

Re: How Do You Feel When Strangers Ask , "Where Are You From

As soon as I open my mouth, it is obvious that I am not Australian - I get asked where I'm from often. It used to bother me when I first arrived; I missed a sense of anonymity. I hated standing out. I'm used to it now - Perth is rather multicultural, so there's always casual banter regarding where we're all from and how we got here.

What I *do* find annoying is that many guess straight off the bat, and they ALWAYS guess Canadian. They do so because, as I've been told over and over, Canadians down here get very bent out of shape if their identities are guessed to be American. So Aussies have been trained to guess that a North American accent is Canadian first. THAT annoys me - the fact the Canadians here overreact to being guessed to be an "ugly American," and thus behave in a poor manner themselves.

Yes, that's the thing isn't it... Politicisation of migration means that even a natural curiosity can be a barrier to connection and understanding. There is nothing for it but for all of us to develop a degree of patience and forbearance, towards the overarching goal of genuine friendship.

I am sad to say, but such is the state of Australian domestic politics that there is even something of an unspoken political rift between the Aboriginal heritage members of my extended family and the euro members (my brother married a beautiful Aboriginal-heritage woman). Chips on the shoulder run very deep, and can be hard to rationalise. Should I explain, for example, that my own ancestral background traces back to the forced slavery of a 16-year-old girl? She was a house maid in a fancy British home and was caught 'borrowing' a horse for a clandestine visit to a boyfriend on a neighbouring estate. She was shipped out to Australia as a convict and used as a slave of the British government as a result. Indeed, she was lucky to survive the journey to Australia. Victim hood and racial sensitivity gets no-one anywhere. Yet because I am identified as Anglo, I apparently carry and must assuage white guilt...

I relay this story only as a point of interest, as the use of convict / slave labour is a neglected aspect of Australian history today. Indeed, perhaps it is deemed, in this new age of racial point-scoring, not to have been that big a deal, because the 'victims' were white. Today is a new age, full of opportunity for all.