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Caring for the elderly.

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Ellen

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Date: 5/21/2009 4:24:50 PM
Author: justjulia
Skippy-sorry I missed the part about your sister having a baby. That's exciting news.

Dr- I can't imagine what it's like to watch someone lose people they knew and loved.

Ellen- I'm thnking your mom's memory is going to get the best of her, eh? That and the strong will. What a powerful combination. I recall my mother decided that she could 'barter' and get her way, as in doing bunches of leg lifts meant she could smoke one more. Kinda loopy thinkin.
But your sister allowing her to try ellipticals? Is she that intiidated by your mother? How, I ask you, can she remember that she should try something like an elliptical but not that she shouldn't try it now? Don't you just want to put people over your knee and spank them sometimes??! But you can't because they are an adult! Damn. Damn. Damn. Sometimes you just gott say 'damn!'

Your sister is going to have to learn the concept of tough love.
Yes. That's part of it, and she just plain has to rearrange her thinking. She's used to being alone, now it's like she has somewhat of an adult kid to help take care of. And, as I said, her help could be a headache.....but that's too long a story to get into. I did tell her today that we need to sit down together soon and go over things, get on the same page, have ground rules, and keep eah other informed. It's going to be interesting.... I think part of it is, she just doesn't realize how much mom has slipped. But she'll find out soon enough.

And lol, seriously, I almost did feel like taking mom over my knee for the machine and bucket stunts. *sigh*
 

justjulia

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Date: 5/21/2009 4:56:36 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 5/21/2009 4:24:50 PM
Author: justjulia
Skippy-sorry I missed the part about your sister having a baby. That''s exciting news.

Dr- I can''t imagine what it''s like to watch someone lose people they knew and loved.

Ellen- I''m thnking your mom''s memory is going to get the best of her, eh? That and the strong will. What a powerful combination. I recall my mother decided that she could ''barter'' and get her way, as in doing bunches of leg lifts meant she could smoke one more. Kinda loopy thinkin.
But your sister allowing her to try ellipticals? Is she that intiidated by your mother? How, I ask you, can she remember that she should try something like an elliptical but not that she shouldn''t try it now? Don''t you just want to put people over your knee and spank them sometimes??! But you can''t because they are an adult! Damn. Damn. Damn. Sometimes you just gott say ''damn!''

Your sister is going to have to learn the concept of tough love.
Yes. That''s part of it, and she just plain has to rearrange her thinking. She''s used to being alone, now it''s like she has somewhat of an adult kid to help take care of. And, as I said, her help could be a headache.....but that''s too long a story to get into. I did tell her today that we need to sit down together soon and go over things, get on the same page, have ground rules, and keep eah other informed. It''s going to be interesting.... I think part of it is, she just doesn''t realize how much mom has slipped. But she''ll find out soon enough.

And lol, seriously, I almost did feel like taking mom over my knee for the machine and bucket stunts. *sigh*
Yes, she will find out soon enough, as you said. Quite a trade off for free rent. Whoo hoo, this is going to get interesting. The good part of all this is that your sister will be a good witness the next time you go to the doctor about memory loss.
 

Ellen

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Date: 5/21/2009 5:07:50 PM
Author: justjulia
Yes, she will find out soon enough, as you said. Quite a trade off for free rent. Whoo hoo, this is going to get interesting. The good part of all this is that your sister will be a good witness the next time you go to the doctor about memory loss.
Interesting indeed. And if it goes south, I had nothing to do with her moving back/in with mom. Wasn''t there when that decision was made.
 

justjulia

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Ah the beauty of what goes around comes around.
Date: 5/21/2009 5:18:33 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 5/21/2009 5:07:50 PM
Author: justjulia
Yes, she will find out soon enough, as you said. Quite a trade off for free rent. Whoo hoo, this is going to get interesting. The good part of all this is that your sister will be a good witness the next time you go to the doctor about memory loss.
Interesting indeed. And if it goes south, I had nothing to do with her moving back/in with mom. Wasn''t there when that decision was made.
 

Skippy123

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sorry for the mini thread jack but this is for Ellen, she knows what this is about.
The emoticon thread was locked so I thought I would put it here for now, my apologizes.
 

Ellen

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Ha, you''re good! Thank you miss!!
 

Ellen

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Mom''s cement injection went well. She is extremely sore, since they shoot right where the pain is coming from, but hopefully in a day or two she''ll be back to normal. *fingers crossed*

And thanks again for all your good wishes and prayers!
 

Kaleigh

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Glad it went well Ellen, I pray it does the trick.
 

justjulia

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Yay- that''s great. I just winced at the thought of the injection sight...
Glad that''s over.
 

Ellen

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Date: 5/22/2009 5:22:03 PM
Author: justjulia
Yay- that''s great. I just winced at the thought of the injection sight...
Glad that''s over.
Yes. And that''s the second time she''s had that done, the other was the cortisone shot. I feel sorry for her, it really hurts.


Thanks you two!
 

diamondsrock

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Ellen, I hope the injection helps your mom and she takes it easy from now on. No exercise equipment!

I'll have to admit I've been having a really hard time lately. I am an only child and my dad doesn't do much for my grandmother (his mother). My mother really can't stand her for reasons that go back many years, so she's not much help either. I am really feeling the weight of responsiblity on my shoulders. I try to do the best I can for her, but sometimes I really need them to help out and it's seriously like pulling teeth. She has a dr. appt. coming up in which they decide if she is having surgery, and I can't make it because I have a dr. appt. myself the day before and can't take off those two days from work, so I asked my dad to take her. So far he hasn't told her that he will, so she has made arrangements with the senior bus. I told him yesterday to tell her that he would take her so she can cancel the senior bus (he had told me that he would go with her but had not told her that). Well, yesterday, he says to her, so you're going to the doctor next week? She said yes, the senior bus is taking me. He says oh, ok. End of conversation. I am just so beyond frustrated right now. It's like he'd rather have a total stranger take her to the doctor than himself. Keep in mind, he doesn't work so it's not like he has anything to do. I just give up. I've tried explaining to him the importance of doing things for her or at least acting like he cares, but it falls on deaf ears. When she's gone it will be too late to show you care, but he just doesn't get it.
Sorry for the rant, been a difficult week. I'm ready to reschedule her appt. so I can go with her, however, I know she wants to go as soon as possible and this is the first one available. The next one was a full week after this one so she'd have to wait.
 

Ellen

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Aw, I remember you telling me about their relationship. That''s one reason why I said she would need you more than ever now. I''m sorry to hear it hasn''t changed, but not really surprised. Most people like that won''t/don''t change ever, or not until the person is gone. And as you said, then it''s too late.

I would stop trying with him, he knows better, he just chooses not to deal with it/her. Just let her know how much you care, and that you will help her when you can, but that you can''t be there all the time. That''s all you can do, and that is good enough. {{{hugs}}}


And thank you!
 

diamondsrock

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Thank you, Ellen. Your words are true. I just had another argument with my father and have decided that I will no longer ask him to help me care for her. It''s just too difficult and it almost always leads to an argument. Sometimes he''s willing to help, but other times he isn''t, like now. I can''t make him care and that''s what I''ve been trying to do. I told him I will no longer ask for his help and he''s out of the picture now so he doesn''t have to worry about it anymore. Then he proceeded to hang up on me after telling me that I''d like him out of the picture! In reality, I''ve been practically begging him to help her. I want him involved but he doesn''t want to be. Sigh..... It''s so hard to hear her crying about how her son doesn''t care about her. What can I say to that? I have no excuses for him.

I''ll just do the best I can, and I''ll reschedule her appt. on a day that I can go. If she has to wait another week or two, I guess that''s the way it will be. This dr. only sees patients once a week so it''s tricky to get in to see him.

Sorry for all the whining!



I feel like such a baby even complaining. I guess I''ve just reached my limit. I need a mini me around to do stuff when I can''t since I can''t rely on anyone else!
 

Ellen

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Date: 5/23/2009 7:40:20 PM
Author: diamondsrock
Thank you, Ellen. Your words are true. I just had another argument with my father and have decided that I will no longer ask him to help me care for her. It''s just too difficult and it almost always leads to an argument. Sometimes he''s willing to help, but other times he isn''t, like now. I can''t make him care and that''s what I''ve been trying to do. I told him I will no longer ask for his help and he''s out of the picture now so he doesn''t have to worry about it anymore. Then he proceeded to hang up on me after telling me that I''d like him out of the picture! In reality, I''ve been practically begging him to help her. I want him involved but he doesn''t want to be. Sigh..... It''s so hard to hear her crying about how her son doesn''t care about her. What can I say to that? I have no excuses for him.

I''ll just do the best I can, and I''ll reschedule her appt. on a day that I can go. If she has to wait another week or two, I guess that''s the way it will be. This dr. only sees patients once a week so it''s tricky to get in to see him.

Sorry for all the whining!



I feel like such a baby even complaining. I guess I''ve just reached my limit. I need a mini me around to do stuff when I can''t since I can''t rely on anyone else!
Don''t apologize dr, this is one of the main reasons I started this thread. Caregivers do need to vent, and sometimes often. It''s a thankless job, and taxing. No one can keep it up forever without feeling the affects. So you just vent away, any time you feel like it, I''m always here to listen. Seriously.


And I really do commend you for taking this on, even though you''ve really had little choice. You are a good person. Just keep telling yourself, as I tell myself when I get really frustrated, you''re earning your angel wings!


And you are welcome!
 

justjulia

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Date: 5/23/2009 11:48:17 AM
Author: diamondsrock
Ellen, I hope the injection helps your mom and she takes it easy from now on. No exercise equipment!

I'll have to admit I've been having a really hard time lately. I am an only child and my dad doesn't do much for my grandmother (his mother). My mother really can't stand her for reasons that go back many years, so she's not much help either. I am really feeling the weight of responsiblity on my shoulders. I try to do the best I can for her, but sometimes I really need them to help out and it's seriously like pulling teeth. She has a dr. appt. coming up in which they decide if she is having surgery, and I can't make it because I have a dr. appt. myself the day before and can't take off those two days from work, so I asked my dad to take her. So far he hasn't told her that he will, so she has made arrangements with the senior bus. I told him yesterday to tell her that he would take her so she can cancel the senior bus (he had told me that he would go with her but had not told her that). Well, yesterday, he says to her, so you're going to the doctor next week? She said yes, the senior bus is taking me. He says oh, ok. End of conversation. I am just so beyond frustrated right now. It's like he'd rather have a total stranger take her to the doctor than himself. Keep in mind, he doesn't work so it's not like he has anything to do. I just give up. I've tried explaining to him the importance of doing things for her or at least acting like he cares, but it falls on deaf ears. When she's gone it will be too late to show you care, but he just doesn't get it.
Sorry for the rant, been a difficult week. I'm ready to reschedule her appt. so I can go with her, however, I know she wants to go as soon as possible and this is the first one available. The next one was a full week after this one so she'd have to wait.
Hug hug hug, dear.
I commend you for taking it on. It is a thankless job and you are an angel.
I think all of this caregiving has taught me that you really need to watch how you treat your children and everyone else because eventually they will take care of you.
Regardless, we take care of those in need because it is what we would expect others to do for us, no questions asked.
 

diamondsrock

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thank you for the support! I certainly have no problem doing things for her and being there for her, in fact I feel a duty to do so. I just wish my dad would help her in those times when I am not available. I know I''ve heard that in many families it falls on one person only, even if they have many siblings (I don''t have any) so I''m sure this is not an unusual situation by any means.
It''s just very difficult now, with all her friends gone and my dad so disagreeable, to be able to be her rock, her only source of support, 100% of the time. I am just trying to juggle it all, and I always feel that I don''t measure up, I should be doing more, etc....
I''ll handle it, and thank you for this thread. It is very helpful!
 

justjulia

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Yes, I don''t know what I would have done without Ellen and her thread when I was caring for my mother. Her wit and care and sense of humor really were priceless.
 

Ellen

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Aw, thank you Julia. I really was glad to be here for you. And I so appreciate that you have been here for me as well.



And thank you too dr!
 

Ellen

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Just wanted to let anyone know who might be wondering how mom''s doing. Before the cement injection, on a pain scale of 1-10, with 10 being worst, she was at 10+. Now she says it''s about .5, so quite a difference, though not pain free as I had hoped. But, we''ll take what we can get!
 

Linda W

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Ellen, That is wonderful news. I am so happy the her pain has subsided. Maybe it will get even better, I sure hope so.


Love, Linda
xoxoxoxox
 

Ellen

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Thanks Linda! I wish it would be all gone too eventually, but she has said even if this is it, she can definitey live with it. So that''s a good thing.
 

diamondsrock

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that is great news Ellen! What a huge difference in pain levels. I''m so glad she is feeling better.
 

Ellen

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Thanks dr!

How are you and grandma doing?
 

justjulia

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Date: 6/10/2009 12:15:00 PM
Author: Ellen
Just wanted to let anyone know who might be wondering how mom''s doing. Before the cement injection, on a pain scale of 1-10, with 10 being worst, she was at 10+. Now she says it''s about .5, so quite a difference, though not pain free as I had hoped. But, we''ll take what we can get!
.5 is DEFINITELY better! Good deal! I should have thought to ask you about her progress earlier.

Does she take any of those monthly or yearly calcium supplements? I''ve been seeing so much of that advertised lately. I have yet to have my first bone density scan...but my dr has already told me it''s coming. Oh the joys of aging. Are YOU having your bones checked?

Here''s a clink from my glass to yours (it''s red tonight) and I''d hand you a brownie, too, if I could. We have to stop and count our blessings every now and then. Enjoy the embers of this fire before the next one starts.
 

Kaleigh

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That''s great news Ellen a 5 is soooo much better than 10+...
 

Ellen

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Date: 6/10/2009 9:58:26 PM
Author: justjulia
.5 is DEFINITELY better! Good deal! I should have thought to ask you about her progress earlier.

Does she take any of those monthly or yearly calcium supplements? I've been seeing so much of that advertised lately. I have yet to have my first bone density scan...but my dr has already told me it's coming. Oh the joys of aging. Are YOU having your bones checked?

Here's a clink from my glass to yours (it's red tonight) and I'd hand you a brownie, too, if I could. We have to stop and count our blessings every now and then. Enjoy the embers of this fire before the next one starts.
NO kidding.


Thanks Julia. Yes, she's taking Calcium and Vit D, not something like Boniva. A doc gave her a prescription for that, and I got online to look it up. I wanted to learn about it, and possible side affects. Among the warnings was that the patient should be able to stand for an hour. I have no idea why, but she definitely can't do that, plus there were other things. Honestly, after reading all about it, we all conclusively decided it would not be something we wanted her to take, even if she "qualified". My brother works in a dental lab, and has seen jaw bone deformation from this stuff. Honestly, it's kinda scary. So I have just started taking a Calcium with D supplement myself.

So, we're doing ok for now, as you say.... And good to see you!



Lisa, thank you miss! Much better indeed.
 

justjulia

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Date: 6/11/2009 9:35:36 AM
Author: Ellen

Date: 6/10/2009 9:58:26 PM
Author: justjulia
.5 is DEFINITELY better! Good deal! I should have thought to ask you about her progress earlier.

Does she take any of those monthly or yearly calcium supplements? I''ve been seeing so much of that advertised lately. I have yet to have my first bone density scan...but my dr has already told me it''s coming. Oh the joys of aging. Are YOU having your bones checked?

Here''s a clink from my glass to yours (it''s red tonight) and I''d hand you a brownie, too, if I could. We have to stop and count our blessings every now and then. Enjoy the embers of this fire before the next one starts.
NO kidding.


Thanks Julia. Yes, she''s taking Calcium and Vit D, not something like Boniva. A doc gave her a prescription for that, and I got online to look it up. I wanted to learn about it, and possible side affects. Among the warnings was that the patient should be able to stand for an hour. I have no idea why, but she definitely can''t do that, plus there were other things. Honestly, after reading all about it, we all conclusively decided it would not be something we wanted her to take, even if she ''qualified''. My brother works in a dental lab, and has seen jaw bone deformation from this stuff. Honestly, it''s kinda scary. So I have just started taking a Calcium with D supplement myself.

So, we''re doing ok for now, as you say.... And good to see you!



Lisa, thank you miss! Much better indeed.
Wow-I hadn''t heard about the Boniva type stuff. Scary indeed.
 

justjulia

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Ellen,

I don''t know what started this thinking...probably because I am putting all kinds of doodads out front for a yard sale this weekend...but for some crazy reason I had a flashback of a chair we "inherited" from my husband''s family when we were early married that lifted your butt up and forward, tipping you out of the chair-when you wanted to get up. We were short on furniture and it was such a fun gimick of a monsterous thing. I believe it was covered in burnt orange velor. Ah, good times. (snort.)

Anyway, (snapping out of the flashback) I thought of your mother and how something like that would be kind of neat for someone with a back issue.

Along that line of random thinking... does your mother have one of those accordian reachy grabby things?
Can she lean over to put on shoes? Does she get dizzy? I''m just remembering she can''t stand for long. She doesn''t use a walker, does she?
 

Ellen

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Date: 6/11/2009 7:26:10 PM
Author: justjulia
Ellen,

I don''t know what started this thinking...probably because I am putting all kinds of doodads out front for a yard sale this weekend...but for some crazy reason I had a flashback of a chair we ''inherited'' from my husband''s family when we were early married that lifted your butt up and forward, tipping you out of the chair-when you wanted to get up. We were short on furniture and it was such a fun gimick of a monsterous thing. I believe it was covered in burnt orange velor. Ah, good times. (snort.)

Anyway, (snapping out of the flashback) I thought of your mother and how something like that would be kind of neat for someone with a back issue.

Along that line of random thinking... does your mother have one of those accordian reachy grabby things?
Can she lean over to put on shoes? Does she get dizzy? I''m just remembering she can''t stand for long. She doesn''t use a walker, does she?


As far as I know, right now she''s back to being able to do just about everything she could before, so she''s doing good (can dress herself, including shoes). And you know, if we could get some more meat on her bones (she''s lost again, partial problems), she''d probably have enough strength to stand longer. But I will definitely store that away in case we need it for the future. I "think" I may have seen ads for those....

No, she''s not using a walker. Dizzy, can come and go. She gets bouts of Vertigo, that she''s supposed to do exercises for, when she remembers. Thanks for mentioning this, I''m going to call my sis and have her remind mom to do them.

Thanks mam!
 

justjulia

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Date: 6/11/2009 7:53:25 PM
Author: Ellen

Date: 6/11/2009 7:26:10 PM
Author: justjulia
Ellen,

I don''t know what started this thinking...probably because I am putting all kinds of doodads out front for a yard sale this weekend...but for some crazy reason I had a flashback of a chair we ''inherited'' from my husband''s family when we were early married that lifted your butt up and forward, tipping you out of the chair-when you wanted to get up. We were short on furniture and it was such a fun gimick of a monsterous thing. I believe it was covered in burnt orange velor. Ah, good times. (snort.)

Anyway, (snapping out of the flashback) I thought of your mother and how something like that would be kind of neat for someone with a back issue.

Along that line of random thinking... does your mother have one of those accordian reachy grabby things?
Can she lean over to put on shoes? Does she get dizzy? I''m just remembering she can''t stand for long. She doesn''t use a walker, does she?


As far as I know, right now she''s back to being able to do just about everything she could before, so she''s doing good (can dress herself, including shoes). And you know, if we could get some more meat on her bones (she''s lost again, partial problems), she''d probably have enough strength to stand longer. But I will definitely store that away in case we need it for the future. I ''think'' I may have seen ads for those....

No, she''s not using a walker. Dizzy, can come and go. She gets bouts of Vertigo, that she''s supposed to do exercises for, when she remembers. Thanks for mentioning this, I''m going to call my sis and have her remind mom to do them.

Thanks mam!
Does she like smoothies? Does she have a blender? I wish I knew what to say about the partial business--if I remember correctly, is it not working because the anchoring teeth are fragile? Would she be a good candidate for getting dental implants? Is her appetite alright?
Please don''t think I''m being too forward here, but do you think she might benefit from a walker? She could stop and catch her breath if she became dizzy.. And I assume you have those lovely bath/shower bars installed.... They make those canes that have a three prong bottom that are kind of nifty. Does she have a shower seat? That was a lifesaver for my mother; allowed her to sit for spells. There''s a whole disney world of assistive living gizmos out there at pharmacies--when I "discovered" them, I was like, "hey, cool." The only thing I think I never got was a mobile toilet. I still have the gortex wheelchair I used to take her on outings to the mall, the dr, etc... I''m all for helping doodads.

Now, if we could only convince our loved ones they aren''t stigmas.

Of course, the name of the game is getting people to think it was their idea in the first place. Tis sweet, the art of manipulation.

Boy, I''m in a catty mood this eve!
 
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