Blueroses...
- Thread starter allycat0303
- Start date
- Status
diamondfan
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2005
- Messages
- 11,016
Blue, you are a doll and I hope that whatever path you take it is the right one for you both! I hope it all comes together and will hope to see a post with an update!
Aw, thanks Blenheim!!!!! Yep, West coast. So later for a lot of you. How''s that gorgeous ring doing? If I didnt'' mention it before, I LOVE the YG prongs--it makes the whole piece so unique and beautiful!!!
Ok girls. Have to get off PS now!
Ok girls. Have to get off PS now!
fisherofmengirly
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2006
- Messages
- 3,929
I too started thinking about you about three hours too early, Blue. But, now you''re in the midst of talking to your boy and oh how I hope it''s going well! Thoughts, happy thoughts, and lots of them!!
Scintillating
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2005
- Messages
- 1,192
Thinking out ya BlueRoses.
Hope it went well.
Sending out positive thoughts.
Scintillating...
Hope it went well.
Sending out positive thoughts.
Scintillating...
allycat0303
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2004
- Messages
- 3,450
Hey Blueroses,
Hope everything is going well. We''re all here thinking of you.
Hugs!
Hope everything is going well. We''re all here thinking of you.
Hugs!
FireGoddess
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2005
- Messages
- 12,145
Thanks again Blueroses!!! Even through birthday cake I was thinking about you yesterday. I hope it went well.
kanne
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2004
- Messages
- 525
As usual, I''m on the tail end of things but wanted to send you the BIGGEST VIRTUAL HUG possible.
You are a WONDERFUL gal and no matter what happens you will still be fabulous. Somehow, even though you''ve had such a tough year, you manage to come through with wisdom, humor and kindness.
I''ve been where you are right now (for us 8 years of limbo/couples therapy/relationship break) and it was terrifying, empowering, heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you today.
lovey
You are a WONDERFUL gal and no matter what happens you will still be fabulous. Somehow, even though you''ve had such a tough year, you manage to come through with wisdom, humor and kindness.
I''ve been where you are right now (for us 8 years of limbo/couples therapy/relationship break) and it was terrifying, empowering, heartbreaking. My thoughts are with you today.
lovey
IrishAngel7982
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- May 5, 2006
- Messages
- 1,412
Hey BlueRoses~I just wanted to say I hope Saturday went well, either way it turned out. I know you''ll let us know as soon as you''re ready, but we''re all thinking about you!
~Megan xoxo
~Megan xoxo
Mimikins24
Shiny_Rock
- Joined
- Nov 27, 2005
- Messages
- 185
Nothing new to add --- I just want send me best wishes to you blueroses. No matter what happens you are truly a strong and classy lady. Although I don''t post that often, I have been following your story, and you are truly an example for how to handle a difficult situation with grace.
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2005
- Messages
- 4,165
Blueroses -- HUGS!!!!! And lots of good PS vibes to you!
FireGoddess
Super_Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2005
- Messages
- 12,145
Just wanted to tell you we love you and we''re thinking about you! Good or bad, no pressure to fill us in but we hope you are doing okay!!!
BrightSpot
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2005
- Messages
- 2,547
BR, you''re a sweetheart & deserve the best life has to offer! Sending you a big hug & good PS vibes & hoping all went well....
I am overwhelmed by the kindness and support from you ladies, people who've never met me. Thanks very much for the recent words from Fishie, Scint, Ally, FireG, Lisa, Anchor, lovey, bee, jas, Starset, Alj, IrishAngel, Cailet, Princess V, Mimikins, Blue824, Equ, KristyDarling, Blenheim, sk8rjen, and Brightspot. Thank you.
I'm sure--given my silence since Saturday--that you have probably assumed correctly. It didn't turn out the way I wanted. He's not ready. Of course it's more complex than that. We love each other. He wants to be with me. Part of him is ready to start our lives together and wants that with me. But a larger part is not. All of him seems to realize what he is losing. (Not just me, but my family, our friends, dogs, a decade of shared history and jokes and support and births and deaths and LIFE.) But it's a genuine case, per our therapist and him, of "It's not you, it's him." Not that that is any comfort. It would be easier if it were just a case of not being loved enough. He's been in therapy EXTENSIVELY during this time, tears and self-help books (including that Oprah one, "lies at the aisle" or something!!!) up the wazoo. In the days leading up to the reunion, he went in 4 consecutive days. He wants to want this, to be ready. But his inner "truth" is that he's not. Perhaps from growing up too privileged and never having lost anything, perhaps being from an emotionally distant family--it really doesn't matter--he still has (at 33 and after almost 10 years together) work to do on himself; it's like he missed a step developmentally and is paralyzed. He went from the "umbrella" of his family to the "umbrella" of our relationship at age 23, without really ever flying solo.
Not that it makes it rational or any easier to understand. I can not wrap my head around it and in the last 4 days have boomeranged between pretty much every stage of grief (hanging out in bargaining for a while, trying to rationalize a way for it to work), and lots of time in shock, anger, denial. I am devastated and essentially broken. And all the while, as soon as we saw each other we both were like, "yep, this is right, we belong together." It feels wasteful, useless, tragic. I didn't miss him during the 3 months the way I do now.
It is possible--this is what our therapist thinks--that he needs to lose me to want this. That he needs to break up to grow up. And maybe that is true. But I can't wait any more, as much as every part of myself wants to go to his house, crawl in his bed, and cry in his arms right now. (Of course he's at work, so that would just be creepy.
Sorry, my brain will explode if I don't make jokes.) But I can't. It won't change it now.
So it remains to be seen what my story will turn out to be.
Maybe I'll have an ending like Lovey did and we will still find our way back to each other. It really could be that after TRULY losing me and being alone for a while that his head will be magically removed from his as$ and he will actually 100% WANT marriage. It's possible.
But I can't count on that.
So maybe I'll have an ending like Croi, and mourn this loss, mourn this DECADE of loving this man, and then will meet the person I'm supposed to be with.
Of course I want the former. Desperately. But if I stick around it never will happen.
I don't know what to do about myself on the list. I guess I should be removed. (I've been on there over a year and half, and I hate to force Starset up into #2!!!) I will leave it up to Anchor to decide what to do. Maybe I could be an "LIW Emeritus" or something.
So I will gratefully leave town in 10 days and be glad to have the geographical help with this break. I truly don't know if I can do it. The full cut-off hasn't happened, we have been talking and text messaging. We go to therapy together tomorrow. His garage is full of my storage. We'll still have to negotiate the "STUFF."
For now I will try to "enjoy" what's left of my birthday and continue to ponder this life I no longer recognize and the fact that I will be starting over at 32.
(((HUGS))) to all of you and thank you for your kindness.
I'm sure--given my silence since Saturday--that you have probably assumed correctly. It didn't turn out the way I wanted. He's not ready. Of course it's more complex than that. We love each other. He wants to be with me. Part of him is ready to start our lives together and wants that with me. But a larger part is not. All of him seems to realize what he is losing. (Not just me, but my family, our friends, dogs, a decade of shared history and jokes and support and births and deaths and LIFE.) But it's a genuine case, per our therapist and him, of "It's not you, it's him." Not that that is any comfort. It would be easier if it were just a case of not being loved enough. He's been in therapy EXTENSIVELY during this time, tears and self-help books (including that Oprah one, "lies at the aisle" or something!!!) up the wazoo. In the days leading up to the reunion, he went in 4 consecutive days. He wants to want this, to be ready. But his inner "truth" is that he's not. Perhaps from growing up too privileged and never having lost anything, perhaps being from an emotionally distant family--it really doesn't matter--he still has (at 33 and after almost 10 years together) work to do on himself; it's like he missed a step developmentally and is paralyzed. He went from the "umbrella" of his family to the "umbrella" of our relationship at age 23, without really ever flying solo.
Not that it makes it rational or any easier to understand. I can not wrap my head around it and in the last 4 days have boomeranged between pretty much every stage of grief (hanging out in bargaining for a while, trying to rationalize a way for it to work), and lots of time in shock, anger, denial. I am devastated and essentially broken. And all the while, as soon as we saw each other we both were like, "yep, this is right, we belong together." It feels wasteful, useless, tragic. I didn't miss him during the 3 months the way I do now.
It is possible--this is what our therapist thinks--that he needs to lose me to want this. That he needs to break up to grow up. And maybe that is true. But I can't wait any more, as much as every part of myself wants to go to his house, crawl in his bed, and cry in his arms right now. (Of course he's at work, so that would just be creepy.
So it remains to be seen what my story will turn out to be.
Maybe I'll have an ending like Lovey did and we will still find our way back to each other. It really could be that after TRULY losing me and being alone for a while that his head will be magically removed from his as$ and he will actually 100% WANT marriage. It's possible.
But I can't count on that.
So maybe I'll have an ending like Croi, and mourn this loss, mourn this DECADE of loving this man, and then will meet the person I'm supposed to be with.
Of course I want the former. Desperately. But if I stick around it never will happen.
I don't know what to do about myself on the list. I guess I should be removed. (I've been on there over a year and half, and I hate to force Starset up into #2!!!) I will leave it up to Anchor to decide what to do. Maybe I could be an "LIW Emeritus" or something.
So I will gratefully leave town in 10 days and be glad to have the geographical help with this break. I truly don't know if I can do it. The full cut-off hasn't happened, we have been talking and text messaging. We go to therapy together tomorrow. His garage is full of my storage. We'll still have to negotiate the "STUFF."
For now I will try to "enjoy" what's left of my birthday and continue to ponder this life I no longer recognize and the fact that I will be starting over at 32.
(((HUGS))) to all of you and thank you for your kindness.
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