Blueroses...

[Mannequin]

Oh, Blue. I am sorry that things did not work out as hoped. However, as many of the PSers have already stated, you are an amazing person who will find a way to come out of this experience stronger and happier. I have faith in you - I am inspired by the incredible woman you were and the phenomenal woman you are, and I cannot wait to see the powerful, self-assured, radiant woman you are going to be someday soon. ((((HUGS))))

 

[Gypsy]

BLUE! I''ve never been to this board and well... just came in here today...and I''ve noticed your absence and missed you very much... and now I know the reason behind it and I want to cry with you and cheer you up (with a couple of bottles of alcohol) at the same time. I can''t say I''ve been through this... but well... my fiance has. (Only for you, on here would I admit this).

If there is a block. It isn''t you. I know the therapist said it...but honey... I''m saying it as someone from the otherside of things. Someone who has almost thrown away years of well... life... because of things in her head. And it wasn''t John. It was me.

It''s going to break your heart, and has already, I know. I saw it break his and god did that hurt. But it wasn''t enough to cut through the noise in my head. But you have to let him go. And above all-- think of yourself. This is his choice, not yours... and you don''t owe him anything. And I know that hope is there in your heart that he''ll wake up. But, honey he may never do so. I almost didn''t.

You''re voice on here is so strong. But if there is another voice... one that you can''t voice here...

Oh crap. Wish I could post personal info here. But I can''t. But if you need anything... I''ll check this thread, routinely.

((HUGS)) Major, major HUGS.

 

[HOUMedGal]

Sweetie, I don''t know what else to say but that I''m thinking about you, my heart aches for yours, and I sincerely hope and pray that somewhere in this, you''ll continue to find yourself and what it is that you need in a life partner, whether it ultimately turns out to be him, or to be someone you have yet to meet!!! Remember to "take care of number one" right now, that''s the most important thing! Other things always seem to fall into place when we get to the right place within ourselves. Best of luck, and remember, we''re always here for you if things get tough!

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Blue,

I just read your update, and as everyone here has already said, you are the magical kind of person that has that spark - as evidenced by your posts. I wish I knew you IRL, because I can only imagine how lovely you truly are as a person. My heart hurts for you.

That being said, I feel confident that your strength and determination in taking a direction, and moving it to a new place to focus on yourself, can be nothing but beneficial for you. You''re a rock among the LIWs here, and I imagine to those who know you out there in the real world. There are many of us here who have gone through some level of separation from our beloved, only to find our way back to them and eventually live that *happy ever after, with a strong dose of reality* life. As cliche as it is, love is not an easy and simple journey, and sometimes you need to part ways on that journey, only to realize that when the road does eventually reconnect, you have a whole world of different experiences to share down the rest of the path.

And there are still others who have devoted so much time, effort, history, and dedication to their loves, and felt that the separation would cure whatever ails the relationship, to realize that it truly wasn''t anything that could be cured. I work with a woman, who had been with a man for 10 years, and was certain she would marry him, but nothing ever came of it, and at 30, they went their separate ways. They are still great friends, and both married to other people, 3 years later. Sometimes a "soulmate" is meant to have a different place in your life than you originally intended. I was involved with a man for 5 years, and we eventually split because he wasn''t ready to get married. I was devastated, and it took me years to get over him. He''s an incredible person, I''ve known him half my life, and we still talk quite often. He was a person I was meant to have in my life, but just not in the way I had originally thought half a lifetime ago. He has been so incredibly supportive of my finding the love of my life with Weston, and I am supportive of his relationship with his soon to be fiance.

Just know that however things work out, you have us here to talk to. If you are ever in Dallas, please let me know . . .

I don''t have anything profound to say, just know that you have the support of just one more person out in Texas who wishes you the very best, whatever that might eventually be for you. ((((hugs))))

 

[sk8rjen]

Oh, Blue, I really really feel for you right now. I wish there was something we could do to really take away that pain that you are undoubtedly still feeling. I wanted this to work out for you the way you wanted it to. You''ve proven yourself to be an amazing and strong woman (an inspiration to many of us) and I know as hard as it seems right now, you *will* pick yourself up , move on with your life, and eventually be happier than you ever knew was possible!

I sincerely hope that you can embrace the "moving forward" mentality ~ girl, 32 is a WONDERFUL age to start (you''re expereinced and you know what you both want AND need in a partner, plus you know what you can give of yourself). I "started over" at 31 and am the most fulfilled I''ve ever been, but at the time had similar doubts as you. Whether it''s 32 or 82, it''s never to late to get what you desire! (And if you want him back, I pray for you that he sees the proverbial "light" and comes back begging...)

Now, kindly allow me to go knock the guy upside the head for being such a dumba$$

((((HUGS))))
jen

 

[caligal]

Oh Blue.... HUGS! I have been reading this thread and just hoping for you that he would have less baggage. 10 years is a long time to invest in someone... know you have affected his life PROFOUNDLY and perhaps that is your purpose for now. But conversly, now is the time for your healing. If you''ve tossed him out to sea and he floats back with renewed vigor for you and your relationship- wonderful! I truly hope it happens for you dear. But, keep in your mind this may be a man who wants to give you what you need, but just can''t. 32 is still so young in our society- you have LOTS of life to live and soooo much wisdom, love, tenderness, and just plain fun to give someone else! Please take the time to surround yourself with all the fabulous people who love you and remember we are all thinking of you and standing in support of our friend...

 

[BrightSpot]

Oh, BR, I''m so, so sorry to hear things didn''t turn out as you''d hoped. My heart is aching for you.

You are such a special, strong, funny, beautiful, talented, sensitive, caring, wonderful woman. You deserve someone who wants to be with you 100%, without reservation. Someone who will beg you to marry him (with a big ol'' haloed asscher, as was mentioned earlier!) Please don''t look at your time with him as lost time. I know you have a lot of wonderful memories & you''ve grown tremendously as a person. You have a better sense of who you are and what you do & don''t want in a relationship. If he''s smart, he''ll realize what a fantastic girl he''s losing & come running back, asscher in hand. Or you''ll find someone who is an even better match for you. Either way, I have no doubt good things are in store for you.

Enjoy your tour--the time away will be a Godsend. Gosh, I wish I could give you an actual hug, sweetie.

Thinking of you...

 

[blueroses]

I am going to come back and thank all of you individually but I am running out the door. My dear friend and his husband, (yes, even my gay friends are married!!!) are in town from NYC and I am seeing them for lunch and then baby-shower shopping for another friend.

ANYWAY. I am BOWLED OVER and simply beyond words at the incredible kindness, support, virtual hugs, and FRIENDSHIP from all of you. Each message so filled with amazing love and compliments that just fill my heart. I wish we knew each other for real, as Lauren and others have said. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

This is such a devastatingly difficult time (we had a marathon therapy session yesterday morning, our first one together in 3 months, as we figure out the logistics of the break-up, say goodbyes, etc.) I''ve never seen him cry so much. He''s wrecked. I''m wrecked. He isn''t sleeping, has lost 6 pounds, had brought in 7 pages worth of all the things he is sorry for, and another many pages of all the memories and things he will miss. I know this isn''t about me or us. But it doesn''t change anything and just underscores how tragic it is.

I will figure out how to feel my way to the other side, no matter WHAT that brings for me. I am not leaving PS, or the LIW....you guys have been such a rock for ME. And I''ll post later this weekend. I can''t thank you girls enough.

 

[IrishAngel7982]

We love you too Blue! Have a wonderful time with your friends...you deserve it babe. xoxo

 

[FireGoddess]

Blue, there is nothing like some Queens near and dear to a girl's heart to make a girl feel FIERCE. I know from firsthand experience!! Have a great lunch and a relaxing weekend. *hugs*

 

[Croí]

My darling, darling Blue;

Even though I already knew the news, I didn''t get to come here to read until this afternoon. I''m at my desk in tears, not because this happened as it did necessarily but because it had to happen to you ! my sweet, darling girl ..... oh it''s just so unfair.
but so like my own old story. Unfortunately for us, when he finally seemed to think he DID want it all, I just didn''t {and couldn''t} go back to believing .... I couldn''t set myself up for a fall again. I still intimately remember the pain, the hollowness, the shock of those months that stretched to a year and more.
BUT you know my happy ending and I know you''ll have one too. For two reasons - first, you totally and utterly deserve complete happiness and fulfilment in love and life; and second, you have taken every step on this journey with honesty and hope and the Universe will reward that bravery with blessings.

This may seem crazy but here is a song for you .... this is the one {of all, and there were many} that became the final anthem to me of how and why to get through and move on. The first two lines haven''t happened for you yet obviously, but one day they probably will. I listened to this song like it was religion, until I finally was able to forgive - both me {beat myself up so badly after, wondering what I could have done differently} and him and just the huge horrible loss.

___________________________

I got the call today
That I didn''t wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin'' on the phone
She said you''d found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love''s open door
Make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?
I''m learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I''m learning again
I''ve been tryin'' to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it''s about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don''t love me anymore

Ah...these times are so uncertain
There''s a yearning undefined
and people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah...the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They''re the very things - we kill I guess...
Ohh pride and competition
cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
you know it doesn''t keep me warm
I''m learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I''d figured out
I have to learn again
I''ve been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it''s about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don''t love me anymore

There are people in your life who''ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; cause'' life goes on
If you keep carryin'' that anger, it''ll eat you up inside,
baby
I''ve been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it''s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don''t love me
I''ve been tryin'' to get down
to the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
So I''m thinkin'' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don''t love me...
Forgiveness (yeah)
Forgiveness (baby)
Forgiveness (ohh)
Forgiveness (ahh yeaaahhh)
Forgiveness (ohh)
Forgiveness
Even if, you don''t love me anymore
________________________________________

For all that your story now so brings me back to my old one I have to tell you {again and again and again !} that this IS RIGHT no matter how hard it is to see that and/or understand it now. It''s horrible that you both are hurting so much and believe me it will probably get worse before it gets better. Awful and all as it was when I still saw him, sorting and doing all the stuff you now face, there was a crazy solace just in the SEEING - when that was over, I mourned all over again.
Yet you will get there and ''there'' will be so much more than you ever dared dream or hope for. And I, and all these wonderful ladies, will be cheering you on from every corner of the country.

The BIGGEST, and most important, part of the story:

I see my life now, and all I have, all the joy and love and appreciation every day, and all the HOPE and POSSIBILITY that is in my future with P. and I really can honestly say that I thank God, or the gods, or whomever, that I took that step off of my old path.
Here''s to YOUR new path .........

so Happy Birthday you darling, beautiful, wonderful thing - here is to the BEST years of your life - which are all ahead of you !

*hugsSOtight*
C

P.S. hi fishie, I''m Croí ..... and hi to the rest of you girls .....

 

[Mara]

have a fab weekend Blue...we''re thinking about you!!!

 

[Starset]

Hey Croi

I never paid much attention to all the lyrics of that song until I just read them on screen.
They made me tear up a little - what an anthem.

Love that you check in here and there - your story is definitely an inspiration to those considering making that leap, and provides comfort to those like Blue who already have.

May we all find that kind of happiness you share.

Erin

 

[IrishAngel7982]

When has Don Henley ever been wrong? Good suggestion Croi!

 

[bee*]

have a great weekend Blue.

 

[fatafelice]

Oh, Blueroses! My heart is going out to you! I don''t think I can possibly add to all the wonderful thoughts and pieces of advice that have already been given, but please know that one more person is wishing you the best right now.

{{{{{BIG HUGSS!}}}}}

 

[KristyDarling]

Blue, my heart is breaking for you. I can''t imagine how painful that last time together must have been. But, this is the right thing for right now. Just remember that. And distract yourself with good times with your friends, and remembering how you were as a free and lovely lady on her own. Re-discover that identity and enjoy it!

 

[kanne]

Oh BR!!!! So sorry to hear about your news. I am glad that your gbfs came to lift your spirits. Big hugs!! You will get through this...and someday, when you are healed, you''ll meet a guy absolutely CAN NOT WAIT to marry such a smart, FIERCE, lovely gal. Just look at Croi. Post here when it gets to be too much and we will support you (and Toto too).

Thinking of you and hope you are having a better day today.

lovey

 

[Evie75]

Date: 6/23/2006 5:49:29 PM
Author: IrishAngel
When has Don Henley ever been wrong? Good suggestion Croi!

HA!! sorry i just thought that was funny.

Great song.. great story

I feel for you blue.. you''ll be fine!!

 

[Starset]

I found something on Ebay that reminded me of your avatar

 

[Croí]

hi sweetie !
Just checking in to see if you have been around. *hug*

I really really hope you have been feeling and receiving all the positive, supportive energy everyone here has been sending your way. I have been thinking of you so much. I just wish I could fast-forward you through this part because I know, I just KNOW, how much brighter the future ahead is going to be. It is so easy for me to say now {on the other side} but I have not forgotten those dark and hopeless early days and how much I felt my life was ''over''. I just wish there was someway of speeding up this part so it could be behind you. I do think you are SO strong and SO good but I know too that you probably don''t feel that way right now. It took me so long to get my confidence back, took me so long to believe myself worthy of love .... or even believe love was worth risking.

So I am going to be on a crusade ! I am going to give you mantras to repeat and stuff !
I hope your counselor is boosting YOUR energy about YOUR worth at every visit. That was the biggest and toughest part for me. Everyone took his side {since, in the end, I was the one who ''left''} and I just felt so alone and totally unworthy of any love or caring at all. I hope you have a TONNE of good and wonderful people around you telling you how GOOD and WONDERFUL YOU are.

Mantra for today:

'' I am strong. I will get through this. ''

repeat after me now ........ come on .......... out loud ...........

love you girlie,
hang in there
*massivebearhug*
C


p.s. don''t really have world cup fever but hey, he''s cute !

 

[bookworm21]

Blue, I just caught up with this thread, and I''m soooo sorry to hear that things didn''t work out. It must be so hard to have to see him when you know how it''s going to end. I know it''s difficult. Please vent here if you need to, let us know what''s going on, because we''re all here for you.

Aside from PS, spend as much time as possible with your friends. It''s amazing how much faster time can pass when you''re surrounded by people.

Again, I''m so sorry that this happened.

 

[blueroses]

Hi girls,

Still owing you all a real THANK YOU message to individual posters, but wanted to say hi

and thanks. I''m ok. Kinda. Had a great time w/ my boys on Friday and my girls this weekend and now I''m busy in rehearsals again which is a blessing. The boy and I have had some pretty profound therapy sessions. He''s doing some amazing work on himself. If losing me is really the impetus for this genuine growth, then I''m really happy and proud of him; it mitigates the pain some. Friday is the cut-off date for contact, when the break really begins.

Anyhooo.....more soon, but I wanted to pop in and send a big THANK YOU to you all. I have had dark moments and felt so low, but then when I feel lifted up, it''s like I DO feel that support and energy coming from you folks.

*repeating* I am strong....I will get through this......

 

[fisherofmengirly]

So once Friday comes, no more contact, at all? How many therapy sessions have you had since your talk on that Saturday?

Is he growing? Yay! That makes me proud of him, too. I lost one one time, and sadly, he never took the opportunity to dig deep and grow. It''s hard, but it''s worth it.

I hope things keep getting smoother and smoother for you!!

 

[Gypsy]

Hi blue! ((HUGS)) and page me on RT if you need another pick me up. I can tell you about my latest string of injuries and incidents. I''m a bit clumsy.

 

[Kaleigh]

I''m so glad you checked in, have been thinking about you a lot. Good luck with rehersals, I know you will be amazing. Keep that chin up, great things are ahead, I KNOW it. Hugs and Kisses, Lisa

 

[FireGoddess]

Thanks for the update, BR. You are constantly in my thoughts!

We are here for you....we know this SUCKS and it''s going to be hard and there will be times you think that you just can''t go on. But we''re right behind you keeping you upright and gently nudging you forward through this....because there IS much happiness waiting for you out there and you deserve all of it. *hugs*

 

[aussiegirl23]

Blueroses,

I haven''t posted anything to your thread because you don''t know me from the next stranger on the street...

But I thought you might like these : ) I can''t exactly send you the real thing - you''d think me a crazy stalker : )

Keep your head up!

Aussiegirl : p

 

[IrishAngel7982]

Aussie those are so pretty! I absolutely love blue roses (favorite flower and favorite color.) One of the grocery stores around here used to have the most gorgeous blue roses that they sprayed with silver glitter. So pretty!

Blue~we know you''re busy, good luck getting those rehearsals under your belt and let us know how you''re doing when you have a chance! *hugs*

~Megan

 

[ilovesparkles]

Oh Blue, I want you to know how much you have helped me through my own ending of a relationship. You are have been an inspiration to me of a truly wonderful, bright and intelligent, loving woman and that you can move past these times and think about yourself. I can only imagine how much harder things are for you, to say goodbye to a man you have 10 years with, and truly, I don''t know that I could do it. I admire your courage! Please check in when you can and know that you have a ton of virtual friends rooting you on! We miss you and hope you are doing well in this hard time.*HUGS*