Blueroses...

[allycat0303]

Hi Sweetie,

I just read your post in the marriage thread. I remember you posting around New Years saying that this year would be an impass. I know you''re not around much anymore, so I wanted to start a new thread to make sure you saw this. I know that the trial seperation must be hard on you, but I really think you are doing the right thing. You''re a gem, and I hope he realizes it. I''ve always kept tabs on you and Erin and you can''t believe how much I''m pulling for you.

I''m sending you lots of love and positive vibes that your way! Hope to see you around PS more often.

Hugs!

Ally

 

[MissAva]

Blueroses,
We miss you! I am praying for you. (((Hugs)))

 

[BrightSpot]

Blueroses,

--I''m praying for you too!

 

[Erin]

Hang in there friend. In five years you''ll look back and see that all this was meant to happen. Whatever the outcome.

Just be true to yourself.

 

[aphisiglovessae]

Wait a minute... Did I miss something???

 

[moon river]

Blue I just read. I hope things work out for you. You''ve stuck it out so long now. It''s good to see people ''trying'' before just ending things. It will be good for both of you. Give you a chance to breath and think things out. We''re on your side whatever the outcome. You have alot of friends who care about you here and will support you.

Just remember Laura, your namesake, when the unicorn lost its horn. It''s a horse now. Things may never be the same for you guys, but something totally differant could come from it.

 

[blueroses]

Aw, girls.....FRIENDS....thank you so very much for the hugs, support, prayers. The LIW are always so great.

It is SO hard to be apart, but I know it''s the right thing for the greater good for us. We both went into this separation sad but hopeful; one way or the other this is going to bring about the right result. There is the possibility that after 3 months he could be no closer to a decision--and if that''s the case, then that IS a decision. For me. But in the meantime, it means so much that we are working through this stuff together and that he is really taking it all seriously. And I have a good feeling.....we''ll just have to see?!

Anyway, I''ve been pretty MIA from PS out on the road, but I can''t tell you how much your kindness means, gals. THANKS

(Oh yeah.....and I''m still on that list!!)

 

[moon river]

Please keep us posted Blue. You don''t have to go into details or anything, just let us know how you are. I think ya''ll are doing the right thing.

 

[Mara]

I just read the post as well and I agree that this is the right thing for you to do...

I already posted in the marriage thread on this but 2 months broken up for Greg and I really showed us alot about wanting to be with each other. I also tend to think that something like that stays with you forever. I STILL remember what it was like to be without him and miserable and making it on my own, which face it, we all can make it on our own just fine, but still wishing that we were together, that things hadn't exploded, whatever. I would have dreams that we were getting back together, I would hope he would call etc. Who knows what he was feeling during that time, but I really do remember all of that very clearly in my mind, even 2+ years later.

Absence does make the heart grow fonder...or it just won't. Better to find this out now than later. I totally agree with counseling as well, to discuss issues he may have privately, you may have, you have together etc. I have the utmost respect for you that you are giving it a really good hard try with all guns blazing and being patient, but still have one foot down on the ground saying 'well it just may not work out'. Sometimes love is just not enough.

Honestly I will be very blunt here and I hope you don't get upset. I don't know that I could stick around the way you have, at this point I'd be so frustrated with his kind of inability to move forward, in general it bothers me about people who are like that about life, I would seriously think about the 'future' and what that holds for you two, what does that mean about your life together if he is so frozen and paralyzed by this one step in his life now. If you get him past this hump what is in store? Have you guys talked about kids, future goals etc? What if he balks again like this on something huge? That kind of inability to commit to something while giving lip service about it would be the kiss of death for me. But you are doing what is right for you and you are a better person definitely for sticking with it. If more people were committed like you were, there would probably be less divorce out there. Just my thoughts, take them to heart or with a grain of salt...however you please.

I hope you check in sometimes with PS, not just the LIW because we do miss you!! Oh and before you check out, pleeeassee check out my new upgrade thread in SMTR. I miss seeing your avatar next to posts. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

 

[anchor31]

I don''t know your whole story blueroses, but I''m glad to see you and you boyfriend have decided to do what is best for both of you even if it''s a hard decision to take. I truly hope everything turns out for the best, and my thoughts are with you.

 

[lilmaria]

I haven''t checked out the original thread, though I will. I hope all works out for the best. KIT.

 

[Blue824]

Blue, I was sad to read about the temporary separation. However, hope I truly believe that all things happen for a reason and whatever decision you two make at the end, it will be the best. Early Feb my bf & I ran into some pretty major issues and we considered couples therapy. We did have a break up, well sort of, it didn''t last for long, but it was long enough for us to realize we needed to get our butts in gear and fix our problems because we loved each other too much to let go. For us, that bit of distance, as short as it was, was a fabulous thing and did wonders for our relationship. We ended up opting against the therapy but both agreed that if we ever felt ourselves having problems communicating, we''d go for it before the problems manifest into something bad again. I think it was a great decision for both of you to do give the counseling a try, many people are too afraid to do that. Anyway, I wish you only the best. *hug*

 

[blueroses]

Thank you so very much, girls, ALL of you!! I know this is the right decision and I appreciate the support immensely.

Mara and Blue824, it''s very encouraging to hear about separation bringing things into focus for your relationships.
Blue, I really recommend couples'' therapy if it comes to that again for you two--it''s actually been a very bonding and validating experience for us as a couple.....well, prior to the mandated separation, that is!!

Mara, I remembered that you and Greg had had that 2 month break--we''ll see what happens, and wouldn''t it be lovely if our outcome was similar! Don''t worry--your frankness is part of your charm and I am not in the least offended. You''re not saying anything I haven''t thought about a lot (Starset and I had discussed this on those dearly departed PMs....if THIS decision brings so much angst, what ELSE is in store when it''s time for touch choices about kids, careers, buying a house, etc....)

That''s been a major angle of our counseling: addressing this pattern of resistence to committment and decision-making for him in general. God bless him, my bf has some amazing attributes, his humor, his compassion (and has really shown his true colors with his support through this past year through two family deaths, another family cancer diagnosis, my depression, etc. etc.)...BUT....he''s a trustfund kid who''s never had to struggle or deal with truly difficult choices. So he''s learning now. No matter what happens with us (obviously I have MY preference), this experience is forcing him to address those issues and learn to follow his heart as a grown-up and really (psycho-babble alert) "feel his feelings" so he can get "clear" and "un-stuck."

Anyway, I will keep you girls posted and try to get more active again on PS. For a while there it was just getting to be too much, so between being on the road and forcing myself to stop thinking about sparkly stuff all the time, I had to take time off.

And heLLOOOOO, Mara, Matatora, Alley(??!!), I have been frantically trying to catch up! I just finished Mat''s 11 pages, I''m 1/2 way through Mara''s, I DID read the entire TierHog saga (in my on-the-road lurkerdom), and WOW, I have missed some fun stuff!!!! (Plus I still have to get my heirloom diamond mounted....WOW, I don''t think I ever posted all my antique ebay setting pictures

)

I''m rambling. Long story boring: THANK YOU.

 

[Lorelei]

Blue, I have been wondering where you were, best of luck to you

 

[HOUMedGal]

Blue, I''ve been off and on PS lately too, and so I haven''t been keeping up either! I also just recently read about Mat''s ring, Ally''s ring, and Mara''s new lovely, AND now this?!!??! I''m so outta the loop.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I''m thinking about you, and hoping that whatever happens in the end, you end up happy. I think it''s great that you guys are making such an effort and not just diving into marriage blindly OR giving up too easily just because it was hard. Of course, I hope that this separation and therapy and such just strengthens your love and makes for a rock-solid foundation upon which you can build your life together, but if that''s not the case, I hope you can still find peace and comfort wherever you end up. What''s meant to be will be.

Keep in touch with us!! *HUGS*

 

[Blenheim]

I followed your story some when I was still a lurker, and I wish you the best. I''ll be praying for you too.

 

[icekid]

blueroses- we miss you, and I haven''t been around as much lately either... med school, who knew?

I just wanted to say that I wish you the best. No matter what happens, everything always has a way of working out and I know your situation will be no exception. It sounds like you are making the right decision for both of you right now, and that there is finally some sort of "conclusion" to your LIW time in sight.

Hang in there... HUGS!

 

[Kaleigh]

Aww, Blueroses,
I am just reading this now. You are doing the right thing. I miss you lots and am sending you the biggest hugs your way. Lisa

 

[fatafelice]

Oh, Blueroses! I was so happy to see that you had posted because I have been wondering how you are doing!

I''m sad to hear about the separation, but I agree that it could be the best thing to happen for you, either way. Mike and I broke up for about 6 months (my decision) and during that time, I truly realized that I didn''t want to spend the rest of my life without him. I hope your Bf comes to a similar realization. And even if he doesn''t, I know that you will find happiness on your own as well. I highly recommend reading books by Sark -- very empowering and comforting!

Please keep us updated. We miss you!

(on a lighter note, I would love to hear more about your "project"

)

 

[Kaleigh]

Blueroses,
Are you out there?? Been thinking of you. Email me when you can. Lisa

 

[hlmr]

Blueroses:

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I hope things can be worked through to result in the happiest outcome for you. Take good care of yourself!

Heather

 

[decodelighted]

Awwww! Blueroses ... I''ve missed you so much around here! I''m sorry you''re going through a difficult time right now (though I agree with your therapist & your decision 100%). I sincerely hope the outcome is what''s best for your happiest future!!!!! ***HUGS**** Mara mentioned her mini-break ... I''ve had one too with my fiance, and we BOTH changed for the better in terms of our intentions & (gasp) both ate a little humble pie too. Strong, smart people can be difficult, and when we get a little older & set in our ways, it''s hard to bend for other people - until you know you absolutely cannot live without the other. Then you bend away. You truly do deserve someone who''ll bend. And I absolutely know - the wonderful gal you are - you''ll get yours, sooner or later.

 

[LaurenThePartier]

Blueroses! OMG, I had no idea what was going on, simply because I''ve been wrecked at work since we got back in town.

I have immense amounts of respect for you to have stuck through it all the way that you have, and to still try and work on improving the relationship. Like Mara, Weston and I had a brief 3 months separation period about a year or so in. The way Mara described it was exactly as I felt - I was miserable without him, making it on my own, but really missing his presence in my life. Sometimes it takes that bit of absence to knock some sense into our boys. I know he missed my presence in his life, as much as I missed him.

I can only hope that you and your honey can resolve this in the way that will work for you both. Bear in mind that you need to ensure your well-being, and that it will work out how it is supposed to.

Please keep us up to date, as I wish you the best of luck, and I''m sending all kinds of positive vibes your way!

 

[blueroses]

Hi everyone,

I''ve been mostly away from PS--minus a bit of lurking--but wanted to say hello.

I have just finished the Spring tour and am back home for now. (Although I could tour briefly in July....we''ll see. It''s been offered, I''m just not certain I''m up for a 3rd consecutive one. But work is work.) I''m sure you''ll all be amused to know that the only gig I have currently lined up is "playing" a domestic violence victim for medical students--(Much like Kramer did with gonorrhea on Seinfeld)--over the next few weeks. They really do that! Very funny.

My bf and I are almost 1/2 way through the separation--it''s been 5 weeks now since we''ve seen or spoken to one another. No e-mails, nothing. I''ve gotten used to it at this point, but it is still strange. We''re each working alone w/ our counselor and I''m still feeling around how I might react/feel to the variety of outcomes that could emerge from this seperation--running the entire gamut from engagement to breaking up. (There''s so much grey area in there, and I need to be prepared for anything--although I''m pretty well done with LIW limbo, so it will probably either be or not be. Slings and arrows, yadayada.) The weirdest was his birthday which came and went last week. We''ve been together for every birthday of his since 1997, so that was odd. A high school friend''s dad died (funeral was yesterday--my 3rd funeral this year) and that was weird too--it just seems strange to be going through these life events without him. But that IS the point of this!!

I really wish I had Starset''s e-mail, but since I don''t, I will have to just bite the bullet and post this. I''ve been playing Dorothy for the last 3 months. Yep. Kansas girl, a little dim, likes sparkly shoes? That one.

I will keep you all posted on things, and thank you again for all of the wonderful virtual support!

 

[ilovesparkles]

Can someone post a link I can''t find the original story and I am dying here! THanks and Blue, whatever you are going through you are in our prayers!

 

[Blue824]

Blue,

I can''t imagine 5 weeks with no contact. So hard, kudos do you guys for doing what is necessary to work everything out, I don''t know if I''d have that kind of willpower. I know the hardwork you two are putting into this will pay off in the end.

Cute Dorothy picture..! Was your wicked witch as cool as Idina...? I am *this* close to winning my bf over to taking a weekend trip to London to see her perform this fall

 

[moon river]

Blue I''m so sorry things are going this way for you.

I was so sure things would work out for you guys. We''re here for you girl. Just click you heels together and we''ll be there with shoulders to cry and lean on.

 

[Mara]

Hang in there sweetie!! Sounds like you are doing okay, but I know what you mean about going through ''life'' things without him there feeling odd. It''s funny how we can plug along and do just fine but life isn''t just about doing ''fine''...it''s about being happy, in my opinion anyway.

Stay busy, and keep us posted...I will keep my fingers crossed for you that things turn out in a positive way.

 

[Kaleigh]

I just wanted to give you hugs and tell you to hang in there. That pic of you as Dorothy is too cute. You''ve been through so much this year. I hope things turn around for you soon. Lisa

 

[blueroses]

Thanks gals--very much appreciate the good thoughts and "cheerleading" as this goes along!!

(And Mara, I agree...you can have a wretched time and still be more or less fine but really, there''s so much more to life than that. My family has had a pretty rough year, *I* have had a rough year+, really, but I''ve still been FINE. But fine ain''t gon''cut it no mo''!!!)

Blue824, my witch was not even close to Idina, but charming in her own way.....when you''re performing for little ones it works to play up some of the funny (vs. scary) so our witch was VERY eccentric. Kind of hilarious, actually. OOH, you guys have to go to London! So cool that she''s doing it there!!

MoonRiver, it hasn''t not worked out--yet anyway. The 3 month separation w/ no contact is part of the "plan" with our therapist. It still remains to be seen what will happen when we get to see each other again, and I have absolutely no idea what kind of work/progress is going on on his end. But it would be much easier to just click my heels (on my SILVER, not RUBY shoes, by the way!!)

Thanks Lisa!! I probably have some pics of me as Pinocchio from the last tour too but that costume was far less flattering

ilovesparkles, there are tons of "original posts" about this (I''ve been on THE LIST since 11/04) but I think there is a nutshell in Starset''s marriage poll thread https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/if-marriage-is-very-important-to-you.42588/page-3 and as far as US.....it would take a lot of searching, I imagine! Together 9.5 years, both in our 30s now, lots of missed "deadlines," etc. Maybe there''s something in the "introduce yourself" thread wayway back?

YOU guys are great--thanks.