Affordable ring for my girl...

[argh&stuff]

Yeah, all that about today being the day I bought... yeah, nevermind.

 

[pinkflamingo]

what happened??!!

 

[sunkist]

Uh oh! What happened, Argh?

 

[indecisive]

I hope everything is ok! Don''t leave us hanging!

 

[princessv]

Oh! I hope everything is fine please keep us updated!

 

[argh&stuff]

I''m not trying to leave anyone hanging, sorry bout that. I just didn''t get it today. And my girl is FURIOUS that I didn''t, too. I''m still waiting to see what one of my bills is, so I''ll know which diamond I can afford.

She is SO upset right now, and as I write this, I think she is likely in tears. What I don''t get, is why it''s so "heartbreaking" for her that I didn''t do it today, when she knows I''m going to do it, and have already done so much in the process. I mean, she was saying things like how I''d told her I was going to do it today or yesterday, and both were not true. And she''s asking if I question our marrying one another. Of course I don''t! She said I could at least put down a payment on the one I want, but what if I want to buy the whole thing at once? Shouldn''t I be allowed to purchase it however I want to? I know she has been thinking since December that I was planning on asking in April, and maybe this makes her think it''ll be later (and, it may be. I''ve warned her of that).

I just don''t get why she''s so upset.

Can anyone explain?

 

[sunkist]

Well this thread in LIW might help explain somewhat. I know it's not exactly your situation, but it may help to see what girls go through.

SO close...but now he's...

ETA: I know it's really hard for guys to understand, but sometimes we girls just act irrationally. I guess we just have our hearts set on something, and maybe feel a little insecure about it, and it's something we've been thinking about with excitement for a long time. It's kind of like telling a little kid that he gets to go to Disneyland on this day and then when the day comes saying, we're just not going to Disneyland today. I think her hopes were up and even though it is irrational we can't help but cry sometimes.

I'd suggest just being the caring guy that you are, and telling her you're sorry, but it just didn't happen today. Give her a hug (through the phone or something

) and tell her it's going to happen and soon. Maybe you're wanting to surpirse her since she's been so involved in the process lately! If this is the case, thank her for helping you to know what it is that will make her amazingly happy, tell her you love her, and that you want to take it from here.

Good luck, Argh!

 

[argh&stuff]

That''s a big part of why I''m thinking she''s upset. I''d originally said 1200, but this setting and stone (even if I go with the bigger stone) would be less than that.

She''s hurt. I hate it. I honestly thought I''d have all my bills in by this time of the month, and I don''t know what the bill that''s missing will be. It may be less, it may be more than I''m thinking. There are several variables here.

I feel like she thinks I can''t provide, or that I''m lying about my savings for this. ARGH!!

 

[argh&stuff]

Yeah, we''ve since talked more and she''s calmed down a bit. I think maybe she sees where I''m coming from, and she''s just frustrated. (This all goes back to an issue I had with my father; I''m a junior, and a credit card company--my company--called him, at his house because I never updated my phone number, to offer a new line of some such nonsense, and instead of listening to hear they were talking about ME, and not him, he said he was declaring bankruptcy to get them to stop calling, and yeah, they put that in their computer system, and now I''m trying to haggle with them over this stuff, and until it''s settled, my payments will be inconsistent, due to the changes they keep making with the account. It''s a LONG story, and I try not to think about it because it tends to make me want to be a bit angry with my dad for not piecing two and two together, instead of making up some dumb story. Anyway, I''ve been working on getting it all figured out without messing up my credit, and it looks like the end of the chaos is finally in sight.) Honestly, if all this wasn''t going on, I would be able to do this today, or a month ago, or back several months ago when it became apparent that she''s my wife.

I understand her impatience, to a degree, too, because I have the same desire to enter into the next phase of our relationship. But at the same time, I get so discouraged when she gets so upset. I know it''s a big thing and she''s been looking forward to it. I know that she''s the one for me, and that she knows it, too, and that it''s an exciting time in our lives and we want to go on ahead and make it "official." BUT, I also don''t want to order the smaller one, then find out I could have gotten the bigger one, which I really prefer. Again, argh, argh, argh!

 

[argh&stuff]

Sunkist,

She mentioned Disneyland, too. I guess it''s a good analogy.

She also said she''d been literally dreaming of the day I asked her, and that she''s SUPER eager to have it become more than a dream. She''d never told me before that she''d been dreaming about it, more than once, too...

I feel like such a jerk, but I''m really, really, not trying to be.

I DID tell her this weekend that I was going to call Jamie Monday, and then yesterday, I DID tell her I''d call today. But, every time I said it, I meant it, because I thought that dang bill would be in the mail so I''d be able to get things worked out right. I even called them today, to see what was owed, but they said they couldn''t release that information. Geesh, I''ve never heard of not being able to tell how much a person owes, so they can pay it!

And I would like for there to be a surprise element here, but she already knows too much now. The only surprise left will be the actual day and way I ask. I''ve given up on hoping for more. Knowing she really likes the end product and seeing her face when it''s finally on her finger will make up for the lack of surprise, I think. Anyway, saying I want to do it on my own is something she respects, but she still asks about it. Not in an annoying way, though. (Well, not until tonight. I did get annoyed and hurt myself when she first brought it up. I felt attacked.)

I''m glad she''s calmed down and understands that this doesn''t mean I''m waiting weeks or anything like that. I just wish I had a better idea of how long the process will be once I do really get it rolling... I know Wink is in idaho or some "i" state, and that they''d send the shank and head to WF to be placed together, in Texas, then they''d put on the stone. Then they''d mail to me in Georgia. I hope all that doesn''t add up to a lot of time. Oh, and I think Wink needs a week to get the shank in to his shop to ship, too.

 

[Small]

awwww Argh...how awful for you and your girl! I hope you get it all straightened out so you can get the ring for your girl. I can sympathize with her being a female and wanting that ring to make it official and let the world know you are committed to each other. But at the same time I can appreciate your way of acting responsibly with money and all. Her day will come but the waiting does suck LOL!
Keep us updated. Either stone is going to be great...which ever you end up with you''ll be so happy and so will she

 

[argh&stuff]

Haha, Small.... she said the same thing about either stone being fine, too. I still think the smaller one is her favorite, because she feels like the picture shows more "sparkle." Only, tonight, when she was still a little worked up, she referred to it as the "cheaper" diamond, which kinda made me like the bigger one all the more. I know that in reality, the difference in the stones is itty bitty, and that she''d never know which I chose anyway, but I have always thought the closer to 1/2, the better.

Thankfully, she''s gone to sleep now, and I''m confident that when we talk in the morning, she''ll be feeling better.

 

[Kaleigh]

Awww, hang in there. She knows you are buying it within a day or two. As far as the process goes of the shank and the head being put together and then sending it to WF and having the stone set would be about 3 weeks?? I could be wrong, though. Best to call Wink and see how long that will take. It will be done before you know it. Can''t wait to see it. Good luck!!!

 

[argh&stuff]

Yeah, I'm hoping it'll all be done soon. Tonight was just about more drama and tears and all that not-so-fun stuff than I could handle. I really enjoyed the process of finding a setting that worked, and even learning about diamonds, but I can honestly say that I'm ready for the process to be out of my hands now. I really, really am!

Having said that, I'm so thankful for this forum and for all the help and advice and pictures and ideas you've presented. It helped me find my girl's dream ring, which I CAN afford. Many thanks!

Bedtime is calling, and I'm eager to get this day behind me.

 

[Small]

So argh (night night btw) does that mean you are leaving us after the ring is in hand? You seem to like it here well enough...why not stick around and help other men like yourself find their girl a ''dream'' ring???

Can''t wait to see your choice...

 

[firebirdgold]

Date: 4/4/2006 9:15:55 PM
Author: argh&stuff
I''m not trying to leave anyone hanging, sorry bout that. I just didn''t get it today. And my girl is FURIOUS that I didn''t, too. I''m still waiting to see what one of my bills is, so I''ll know which diamond I can afford.


She is SO upset right now, and as I write this, I think she is likely in tears. What I don''t get, is why it''s so ''heartbreaking'' for her that I didn''t do it today, when she knows I''m going to do it, and have already done so much in the process. I mean, she was saying things like how I''d told her I was going to do it today or yesterday, and both were not true. And she''s asking if I question our marrying one another. Of course I don''t! She said I could at least put down a payment on the one I want, but what if I want to buy the whole thing at once? Shouldn''t I be allowed to purchase it however I want to? I know she has been thinking since December that I was planning on asking in April, and maybe this makes her think it''ll be later (and, it may be. I''ve warned her of that).


I just don''t get why she''s so upset.

Can anyone explain?

She may not know herself. I don''t know why I have the same worries. It could be some weird ingrained conditioning, simply insecurities, or even a friend/relative trying to be supportive yet really undermining her confidence. With me it may be all three.

I have the most trustworthy devoted guy a woman could ask for, but the slighest sign of delay I start thinking he has second thoughts.

What it comes down to is not that she doesn''t trust you and doesn''t believe in you. It''s that she doesn''t believe in herself.

The two pieces of advice both sides could use are 1) Don''t take it so personally, and 2) sometimes it''s going to be impossible to understand the other gender so you just have to let some things slide as inexplicable.

 

[argh&stuff]

Hi again. I''m in a better mood today. I know my girl doesn''t suffer from insecurities about me, or my level of love or devotion to her. Right here and now, I''d lay down my life for her, if it came to it. In a second, without a regret. She knows that. She just wants to finally get married. Me, I know it''s coming, and I want it, but I''m not "crazy" over it. She explained to me today that since her friends at work all know that she''s so in love and so ready to be my wife, that they question her about when it''ll happen, does she have her ring yet, what am I waiting on, and the like. I can see how that would give her a bit of anxiety, especially considering she wants it herself so much that she dreams aobut it.

All in all, I''m lucky as heck to have a girl so in love with me. She can be impatient, but she''s got a good heart and the best of intentions. She''s calmed down a lot and told me today that she will make her "best effort not to hound" on the topic, since she does know I have a bit of an independent streak in me myself, and I wanted to do this myself. She knows now that I know what she wants.

She did worry that the stone would be gone before I get it; I assured her that if that happens, I''ll handle it. She''ll have something sparkly and pretty and she''ll be able to gaze down at it for the rest of her life, so a few days longer wait won''t kill her in the long run. She sighed at this, but ultimately agreed.

I guess maybe I don''t quite understand the significance of getting a ring and making it "official." I mean, I do, because I can''t hardly wait to refer to her as my future wife myself, but I know it''s coming, and I know it''s coming SOON. For her, the ring is a symbol of it being here, being real, allowing her to plan, and prepare to be a wife. That''s quite cute, and I''d not thought of it like that. Last night I was almost annoyed, thinking the diamond meant so much to her. It''s not that. It''s what it means. And that changes things.

Small, I do enjoy coming to this site. I feel like I''ve made some nice friends, and I even want to check up on how you all are doing and that sort of thing. And I like learning how others'' plans work out and how things unfold and how girl''s dreams come true.

And I REALLY like how people around here find rings just as pretty as the 5,000 dollar designer ones for 1,000. It''s awesome.

I will most likely be around a good deal after this whole process is done on my part, because I do feel so caught up in other peoples'' stories. And if I ever get to where I''m educated enough to help out other guys (Good grief, we NEED it!!), sure I will. Gladly. It''s daunting and overwhelming. But in the end, I''m betting the pay off is WELL WORTH IT, too!

And, you are all SO complimenting toward me. How could I just up and leave??

 

[aphisiglovessae]

It sounds to me like the usual impatience and symbolism thing that you see with couples in your situation. She''s SO close to the proposal and being engaged that she can taste it and as a result, her patience is wearing thin. The ring is a symbol that you love her and that she''s going to have the coveted title of "wife" soon, so that adds to it. It''s something we see A LOT in the LIW forum. I think the best way for you to make her feel a little better is to continue to make her feel as special as you describe her to us here. Reassure her that the proposal will definitely happen and that you are trying to make it the most memorable and best time in her life. Also, maybe try to get her mind off it a little by talking about something else or doing something else not having to do with diamonds. You''ve had a LOT of diamond talk with her lately.

 

[Amandas_Jewels]

I loved reading your story! Thanks for sharing!

 

[anchor31]

Hey argh! I seemed to have missed yesterday''s events, but I''m glad things are going better today!!

I do understand your girlfriend''s impatience... My boyfriend and I are in a similar situation; I found the ring I want within his budget (less than 2k) and I''m waiting for him to save up the money he needs to buy it and it''s VERY frustrating at times. I''m doing my best to be understanding because I know he has other financial obligations and his job isn''t the most paying and most stable, which is frustrating in itself, but some days... Some days I just want to take money out of my savings account and pay for it myself, you know? Some days I get frustrated when he said he made such or such purchase because I think "Aren''t you supposed to be saving up for my ring?!", but then a few days later he tells me he wanted to buy something but changed his mind because he''d rather put the money on my ring, and it makes me feel better. He was horrible with money when I met him three years ago but he''s been steadily improving, and knowing that he''s limiting his indulges to less than 100$ a month so he can buy my diamond this summer shows how much it means to him too.

You''re doing great, argh! Keep us posted!

 

[argh&stuff]

Aph,

You''re right, we do talk about this stuff all the time. Mostly it''s her, though.

We did pretty good this weekend with not talking about it, for the most part.

I know that by telling her April, I set myself up for this.... but I was just so excited, that it came out. Now I''ll feel horrible if it doesn''t happen this month. It will, though, soon.

Good news, she''s not called me asking anything about anything relating to rings today.

 

[argh&stuff]

Hey everyone, again, I''m here for help. I can''t get the avatar to let me post a different picture. You can''t even see my girl in it, and she''s the best part of us. Why is it not letting me post?

 

[sunkist]

try renaming the photo, something simple with no symbols

 

[sunkist]

Oh and make sure it''s one of the supported file types gif,jpg,jpeg,pdf,png,gem,dmc

 

[argh&stuff]

It''s still not working. Argh!

Maybe I''ll try again, or just post a picture on here... I just don''t want it to come out HUGE, and you never know how big it''ll be...

 

[argh&stuff]

Score! I got it!

Now I can go to sleep in peace.

 

[sunkist]

Date: 4/6/2006 12:00:58 AM
Author: argh&stuff
Score! I got it!


Now I can go to sleep in peace.

Ahhh man! I saw this post and thought you bought the stone!!

(That''ll happen soon enough, I''m sure) But hey, congrats on getting the avatar up!

 

[KristyDarling]

Argh -- I''m coming into this thread super-late but I just wanted to say that you sound like a very sweet man and it''s obvious how much effort/time you''re putting into this ring and proposal (and all the little pitfalls you''ve had to navigate!). Your wife-to-be is very lucky!!!

Can''t wait to see the ring pics....and hand pics!!!

Good luck with the final moments of this journey...I hope you can get the diamond soon!

 

[argh&stuff]

Can''t sleep, so it seems.

Sorry; when I looked at that post after I''d hit submit, I did think, "hmm, I bet people will think I''ve bought now." I was right.

So yeah, since I can''t sleep at this exact moment, and even though I''m supposed to stop obsessing over making this choice, I''ve been looking at the pictures again, and well, now I wonder if there is a difference between "sparkle" and "fire." I mean, I''ve seen a lot of white stones that sparkle, but my girl likes the colored bits of sparkle. And maybe it''s just the angle in the photo, but the smaller one seems to carry more colored bits of light. Does that mean anything, or is it just a matter of photo conditions or photo quality? I guess my point is, if I end up paying more for a stone that''s only a fraction of nothing really, bigger than the other, I want to be sure that it''s got the element that she most prefers, which is the glistening of lots of colors. The bigger one appears more "white" and less "clear" to me, even though the color is supposed to be less in the bigger one. I don''t understand these things. And I know I''m just adding more to the fire than I need to; both have been given pleasant reviews. Maybe I need to just force myself to go to sleep, and stop rattling off things.

 

[argh&stuff]

Kristy,

I''ve visited your thread, too. Your stone is flippin HUGE! I''m glad you like it in it''s setting. It makes it look all the bigger.