A lifetime of upgrades or a Hermes Birkin?

[TracyBear]

Also not to be mean, but in that thread you refer to $500. As being a lot of money because you are poor? Hit the lottery since then?? In this thread you say the bag is less than 2 months salary!!!! Can I be crass and ask what you do for a living cause if it isn't too late I'm switching jobs!
I saw your pictures you do look very young, I find it amazing that you already turned down a 5ct ring from a previous boyfriend. One who wanted to fund pharmacy school no less.
There is something about this whole thread that is giving me the willies. I'm sorry if I'm way wrong.
Please forgive me if I misinterpreted your comments and I've confused you with another poster, but I'm not feeling real here

Elisateach, $500 is a lot of money to me because I am poor. No, I haven't hit the lotto yet unfortunately. The bag is less than 2 months salary for me, but I have a huge student loan debt from medical school. I'm a physician. It's never to late to switch careers, just take your MCATs! We had fellow in our med class that was in his 60s.

Thanks for the comment about looking young, I laugh everyday so it helps keeps my spirits alive. The person who gave me the 5ct ring wasn't a previous boyfriend. The previous guy wasn't even a boyfriend, he was a colleague, who is also a physician. We were set up by our parents. I don't know how you felt about arranged marriages, but it's not for me. His family felt that as a physician I wouldn't have time to bare children and take care of their son, hence they push me to do pharmacy. It's not my thing. Would you turn down a guy who tells you to give up your career so you can take care of him?

 

[Sparklelu]

Also not to be mean, but in that thread you refer to $500. As being a lot of money because you are poor? Hit the lottery since then?? In this thread you say the bag is less than 2 months salary!!!! Can I be crass and ask what you do for a living cause if it isn't too late I'm switching jobs!
I saw your pictures you do look very young, I find it amazing that you already turned down a 5ct ring from a previous boyfriend. One who wanted to fund pharmacy school no less.
There is something about this whole thread that is giving me the willies. I'm sorry if I'm way wrong.
Please forgive me if I misinterpreted your comments and I've confused you with another poster, but I'm not feeling real here

Elisateach, $500 is a lot of money to me because I am poor. No, I haven't hit the lotto yet unfortunately. The bag is less than 2 months salary for me, but I have a huge student loan debt from medical school. I'm a physician. It's never to late to switch careers, just take your MCATs! We had fellow in our med class that was in his 60s.

Thanks for the comment about looking young, I laugh everyday so it helps keeps my spirits alive. The person who gave me the 5ct ring wasn't a previous boyfriend. The previous guy wasn't even a boyfriend, he was a colleague, who is also a physician. We were set up by our parents. I don't know how you felt about arranged marriages, but it's not for me. His family felt that as a physician I wouldn't have time to bare children and take care of their son, hence they push me to do pharmacy. It's not my thing. Would you turn down a guy who tells you to give up your career so you can take care of him?

Tracy Bear~
thank you for taking the time to enlighten me!
Not sure where to go with your comments~ as an old married lady, who paid off what to me was pretty big student loan debt before I got fancy purses and big( oh well not so big) jewelry purchases I'd like to say. Wait on the purse, pay off your loans, if you are pulling in 10k per month you can make great strides knocking that down. You also need to plan for retirement, I know at your age it seems way off. But I teach a money management class to MS students and the first thing I tell them to do is open up Retirement accts putting in at least 10% each paycheck. Imagine what a nice nest egg you will have!
No I would never marry someone who would not let me be me! I certainly would not be with a guy to be his or his kids babysitter! So kudos to you on that!

As for switching careers, was going the med school route originally, but did not have the self confidence to actually do it.
I regret it, as I have a real affinity for it and realize that I am very smart and could have one it! But alas, med school is out of the question, however when I finish my doctorate program, I can be called Dr. Elisateach if I want( heehee)

 

[TracyBear]

Wait on the purse, pay off your loans, if you are pulling in 10k per month you can make great strides knocking that down. You also need to plan for retirement, I know at your age it seems way off. But I teach a money management class to MS students and the first thing I tell them to do is open up Retirement accts putting in at least 10% each paycheck. Imagine what a nice nest egg you will have!

As for switching careers, was going the med school route originally, but did not have the self confidence to actually do it.
I regret it, as I have a real affinity for it and realize that I am very smart and could have one it! But alas, med school is out of the question, however when I finish my doctorate program, I can be called Dr. Elisateach if I want( heehee)

I'm a loooooonnnggg way from retirement, but I'll put some money aside for it. You've made a wise choice to NOT do medicine. It's a strange field for women. You give up most of your adult life studying while others around you are starting families and whatnot. Once you're out you basically at that age where you have a pop out a child or you're putting your baby at risk for all sort of genetic disorders due to your advance age. It's not a very family friendly field for women; hence, I plan to work part time after I pay off my debt. I want to have a real life. Congrats on the doctorate program! You'll be called a doctor in no time. As for me, when I hear "Dr...." I'm like, oh shiet, someone needs me. WAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!"

 

[whosurdaddy]

Is your partner in the same boat with large med school loan to pay off?
I think engagement ring upgrade can wait, plus I hear a lot of people who work at the medical field don't wear their large diamond rings to work just a plain band to avoid tearing the latex gloves.
Maybe start out by buying something available at Hermes and building a relationship with the SA. I would not buy the bag from a reseller who charges double of the retail price. I think a Constance would look nice on you... or maybe a small 25cm Kelly.

You should always respect your partner's wishes and compromise for a relationship to go far, at least that's what I learned in my 10 years with my partner.

 

[TracyBear]

Is your partner in the same boat with large med school loan to pay off? I hear a lot of people who work at the medical field don't wear their large diamond rings to work just a plain band to avoid tearing the latex gloves.
Maybe start out by buying something available at Hermes and building a relationship with the SA. I would not buy the bag from a reseller who charges double of the retail price. I think a Constance would look nice on you... or maybe a small 25cm Kelly.

You should always respect your partner's wishes and compromise for a relationship to go far, at least that's what I learned in my 10 years with my partner.

My man is established in his career so he has financial freedom. I sadly don't. I'm only rich in knowledge, but broke in all other aspects. A lot of us wear our rings on our necklace; hence I really wanted mine to be an eternity pave Ering so it won't look too odd as a pendent. I don't want anything from Hermes aside from their 30cm Birkin bag, but I guess I could get a scarf from them to build a relationship. I really hope my man changes his mind down the road, but if he doesn't I'll respect his wishes and wear his ring. A lot of members suggested a RHR, but honestly it'll be a waste of money since I won't get much use out of it. I'm currently wearing my 5 stone promise ring as a RHR already. No more rings unless it a larger Ering.

 

[CharmyPoo]

I have 4 friends who are women doctors and chose to work only part time (or barely work) after they finished their residency. They either decided to be stay at home moms or just didn't want the "stress" of work. I don't get why they would do that after all those years of studies ... but seems like the life.

 

[TracyBear]

I have 4 friends who are women doctors and chose to work only part time (or barely work) after they finished their residency. They either decided to be stay at home moms or just didn't want the "stress" of work. I don't get why they would do that after all those years of studies ... but seems like the life.

I can't speak for your friends, but from my personal experience I want to work part-time as soon as possible because I want to start a family and have children. Optimally speaking for myself, the max age for me to safely carry a child would be 35 and I'm approaching that deadline faster than a freight train. By the time you're out and practicing, you've spent at least 24 years of your life in school depending on your specialty. You're burnt out and stressed. A lot of us gave up time with our family, relationships, etc. I myself cancel my engagement party and postponed my wedding. There comes a time when we just want to take a breather and live life outside of the hospital. I want a low stress pregnancy and time to be with my children after they're born. A lot of doctor's children grow up spoiled and irresponsible because their parents didn't put in the time to show them affection so they seek it out in wrong places. I believe that my children will be my legacy so I want time to bring them up right.

Personally, I see it like this. I put in years of schooling so I can have a job that makes lots of money so I can work less and enjoy time with my family. I want to be enriched with life's experiences (being a wife, mother, going on vacations, etc), not really to accumulate wealth and be rich in a monetary sense. I never view working part time as a waste of my education, although my colleagues will beg to differ.

For your friends who became housewives, I tip my hat off to them. I am too busy to iron my clothes or cook, but had to do this and more on a recent trip with my FMIL. I swear to god, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Taking care of the house and running after the kids is a full time job. Anyone who claims otherwise isn't doing it right.

 

[Circe]

I have 4 friends who are women doctors and chose to work only part time (or barely work) after they finished their residency. They either decided to be stay at home moms or just didn't want the "stress" of work. I don't get why they would do that after all those years of studies ... but seems like the life.

I can't speak for your friends, but from my personal experience I want to work part-time as soon as possible because I want to start a family and have children. Optimally speaking for myself, the max age for me to safely carry a child would be 35 and I'm approaching that deadline faster than a freight train. By the time you're out and practicing, you've spent at least 24 years of your life in school depending on your specialty. You're burnt out and stressed. A lot of us gave up time with our family, relationships, etc. I myself cancel my engagement party and postponed my wedding. There comes a time when we just want to take a breather and live life outside of the hospital. I want a low stress pregnancy and time to be with my children after they're born. A lot of doctor's children grow up spoiled and irresponsible because their parents didn't put in the time to show them affection so they seek it out in wrong places. I believe that my children will be my legacy so I want time to bring them up right.

Personally, I see it like this. I put in years of schooling so I can have a job that makes lots of money so I can work less and enjoy time with my family. I want to be enriched with life's experiences (being a wife, mother, going on vacations, etc), not really to accumulate wealth and be rich in a monetary sense. I never view working part time as a waste of my education, although my colleagues will beg to differ.

For your friends who became housewives, I tip my hat off to them. I am too busy to iron my clothes or cook, but had to do this and more on a recent trip with my FMIL. I swear to god, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Taking care of the house and running after the kids is a full time job. Anyone who claims otherwise isn't doing it right.

Wise words.

Charmy, I think it might be more common in medicine than in other fields with high educational requirements is, simply, that doctors can work part time and still bring in decent money. A humanities Ph.D.? A fully trained social worker? Not so much on that front ... and what I find kind of frightening is that women *have* to make this choice in the society we've built, because the idea of a work-life balance is so very, very foreign to us.

Getting back on topic ... Tracey, could I suggest maybe going at it in the other direction? You say you don't want your fiance to "bond" more with the stone because you fear that at 5, 10, 50 years he'll just be that much more attached. In my experience, it's actually the opposite that's true: a lot of men seem to feel this immense initial pride, but as they're not the ones wearing it ... they kind of forget about it a ways down the line.

So if you HAVE to keep the ring to salve his feelings now (and it really is a gorgeous ring, btw), I'd suggest that instead of a Birkin, you just get the biggest eternity band in all the land.* Once you're married, you can wear it alone, maybe reset the ring into a pendant, and look again when a significant anniversary arises ....

* One of my doctors, top of her field, has one of these. I think it's a 6 carat emerald cut channel set? It screams SUCCESS louder than any purse I've ever seen ....

 

[rosetta]

I have 4 friends who are women doctors and chose to work only part time (or barely work) after they finished their residency. They either decided to be stay at home moms or just didn't want the "stress" of work. I don't get why they would do that after all those years of studies ... but seems like the life.

I can't speak for your friends, but from my personal experience I want to work part-time as soon as possible because I want to start a family and have children. Optimally speaking for myself, the max age for me to safely carry a child would be 35 and I'm approaching that deadline faster than a freight train. By the time you're out and practicing, you've spent at least 24 years of your life in school depending on your specialty. You're burnt out and stressed. A lot of us gave up time with our family, relationships, etc. I myself cancel my engagement party and postponed my wedding. There comes a time when we just want to take a breather and live life outside of the hospital. I want a low stress pregnancy and time to be with my children after they're born. A lot of doctor's children grow up spoiled and irresponsible because their parents didn't put in the time to show them affection so they seek it out in wrong places. I believe that my children will be my legacy so I want time to bring them up right.

Personally, I see it like this. I put in years of schooling so I can have a job that makes lots of money so I can work less and enjoy time with my family. I want to be enriched with life's experiences (being a wife, mother, going on vacations, etc), not really to accumulate wealth and be rich in a monetary sense. I never view working part time as a waste of my education, although my colleagues will beg to differ.

For your friends who became housewives, I tip my hat off to them. I am too busy to iron my clothes or cook, but had to do this and more on a recent trip with my FMIL. I swear to god, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Taking care of the house and running after the kids is a full time job. Anyone who claims otherwise isn't doing it right.

What's your specialty tracybear? I too am a physician but I sure as heck don't earn $10k per month after tax (i assume you mean US dollars here) I think I should change fields to yours! Then again, I have no student loans. What are you doing right???

To answer your question, I'd give up upgrades for my dream house. I'd be stupid not to, my dream house costs enough to buy a very large fancy pink diamond.

I'm going part time too, but not for kids but because my husband earns enough now for me to do so. I'm really looking forward to all that free time

 

[TracyBear]

What's your specialty tracybear? I too am a physician but I sure as heck don't earn $10k per month after tax (i assume you mean US dollars here) I think I should change fields to yours! Then again, I have no student loans. What are you doing right???

To answer your question, I'd give up upgrades for my dream house. I'd be stupid not to, my dream house costs enough to buy a very large fancy pink diamond.

I'm going part time too, but not for kids but because my husband earns enough now for me to do so. I'm really looking forward to all that free time

I don't do anything special, but I do speak multiple languages and moved myself to work in no man's land for the perks. As a result, my salary is a tiny tad inflated for what others usually get. The downside of leaving a big city and moving to a small town is that the largest store in my area is a Macy's.

What a blessing for you to get all that free time.

 

[whosurdaddy]

What's your specialty tracybear? I too am a physician but I sure as heck don't earn $10k per month after tax (i assume you mean US dollars here) I think I should change fields to yours! Then again, I have no student loans. What are you doing right???

I would think a young internist will get paid at least that much. It's not unusual to see some specialists to have incomes double or triple of that amount if he/she is not in academia.

 

[Rhea]

I think it varies by store and store location. I went to Hermes in Italy. Though no sales person came up to help us (DH and I were dressed like total vagabonds tourists) the moment we asked to see a few things they were very helpful though we didnt' buy anything. We got the same treatment in Cartier. Totally ignored till i asked to try on some bracelets. We did end up buying a bracelet and the manager pretty much said that SA's just smile and nod to you- don't approach at all, till you ask for their assistance. I guess it keeps them from spending too much time with tourist who are just browsing etc.

This is typical in England as well. Salespeople back off until you approach them. Same goes for servers in restaurants. I really like it and now find the American way of approaching you and being fake friendly with you very intimidating. It's much nicer and relaxing to be allowed to take your time looking rather than being interrupted constantly.

 

[rosetta]

What's your specialty tracybear? I too am a physician but I sure as heck don't earn $10k per month after tax (i assume you mean US dollars here) I think I should change fields to yours! Then again, I have no student loans. What are you doing right???

To answer your question, I'd give up upgrades for my dream house. I'd be stupid not to, my dream house costs enough to buy a very large fancy pink diamond.

I'm going part time too, but not for kids but because my husband earns enough now for me to do so. I'm really looking forward to all that free time

I don't do anything special, but I do speak multiple languages and moved myself to work in no man's land for the perks. As a result, my salary is a tiny tad inflated for what others usually get. The downside of leaving a big city and moving to a small town is that the largest store in my area is a Macy's.

What a blessing for you to get all that free time.

Ah that makes sense. I live and work in London, there's no way I'd move to no man's land for work. I think it's only fair that you should be financially compensated for that. I also keep forgetting that docs in the US work more hours than us: we only work max 48 hours in a week (thanks to the European Working Time Directive) and I'm more than happy with that. Still, I would consider moving to the US if we needed the money!

ETA: I wanted to add that I entirely agree with you that raising kids would need a doctor mother to work fewer hours if she wanted to spend any decent time with them. Fewer hours of paid work anyway: you'll be ptting in plenty of unpaid hours caring for kids of course. And that's a very real job as we all know.

 

[partgypsy]

Congrats on your engagement. I agree with Circe, I've seen it here a number of times. When a man first buys an engagement ring, they have invested their personal pride in it, they feel it reflects on them both the ring and how the fiancé feels about it, and any comments on it can easily hurt the man T(hat's also why I think the man and woman should shop for the ring together!)

If you weren't able to give input on the ring, then yes I would give it a few years. Pricescope is the land of upgrades. People DON'T notice or make as much to do about an upgrade as they do the original ring, and the man's personal investment in the ring has faded to normal proportions.
It is a beautiful ring, don't let the memory of the 5 carat affect it. I'm thinking you would rather have your fiancé and a 1 1/2 carat ring (in a designer setting, yet) than someone you didn't love with a bigger ring? Enjoy the ring and in a few years, then bring up upgrades.

With that said, I think the purse should be kept separate. If he buys it, he may feel an upgrade is off the table. Pay off your student loans, and when you do buy yourself the bag as a reward for paying off school loans. Then you will feel you have truly earned it, and you will feel less guilt about it.

Beside me, I always do better financially (paying debt) if I have a motivation waiting at the end of it .

 

[madelise]

Holy crap, I'd love your paycheck. I'd buy big ass diamonds for any occasion! Happy Tuesday! Look, an emerald cut!

 

[peacechick]

Out of everyone's advice, I actually think part gypsy's the best! Do nothing for now... Take neither the upgrade nor the Hermes. The Hermes binds you to a promise... Besides, you'll have more satisfaction buying it for yourself.

I agree that your DH's attachment to the ring is strongest now and will probably fade as years pass. Plus, after hearing about your SIL and MIL, I don't think you really need the drama of an upgraded e-ring so soon. Who knows what that would provoke? It sounds like at this stage, their opinions do get under your skin, whether you want to care or not. Maybe wait till you've cleared your loans, had some kids, celebrated a few anniversaries, solidified your position... And by then, you'll have a thicker skin and can really splash out.

 

[msop04]

...instead of a Birkin, you just get the biggest eternity band in all the land.

It screams SUCCESS louder than any purse I've ever seen ....

Now, we're talkin'!

 

[TracyBear]

Congrats on your engagement. ...If you weren't able to give input on the ring, then yes I would give it a few years. Pricescope is the land of upgrades. People DON'T notice or make as much to do about an upgrade as they do the original ring, and the man's personal investment in the ring has faded to normal proportions. It is a beautiful ring, don't let the memory of the 5 carat affect it. I'm thinking you would rather have your fiancé and a 1 1/2 carat ring (in a designer setting, yet) than someone you didn't love with a bigger ring?

Great advice Gypsy, I'll take it! I wore that 5ct diamond so briefly that I scarcely remember it. Besides, I had no say in the setting and it was a hideous ring. The jeweler in Houston created some odd sculptural custom design that encased the 5ct center stone with an additional 4ct side stones, resulting in a 9.0ct mini skyscraper that sat 1 inch off my 3.25 finger. A hot mess. The ring looked so visually grotesque that I wore it to places like IHOPs and no one even thought to rob me for it. My current diamond is smaller, but at least the ring looks cute!

 

[Niel]

Congrats on your engagement. ...If you weren't able to give input on the ring, then yes I would give it a few years. Pricescope is the land of upgrades. People DON'T notice or make as much to do about an upgrade as they do the original ring, and the man's personal investment in the ring has faded to normal proportions. It is a beautiful ring, don't let the memory of the 5 carat affect it. I'm thinking you would rather have your fiancé and a 1 1/2 carat ring (in a designer setting, yet) than someone you didn't love with a bigger ring?

Great advice Gypsy, I'll take it! I wore that 5ct diamond so briefly that I scarcely remember it. Besides, I had no say in the setting and it was a hideous ring. The jeweler in Houston created some odd sculptural custom design that encased the 5ct center stone with an additional 4ct side stones, resulting in a 9.0ct mini skyscraper that sat 1 inch off my 3.25 finger. A hot mess. The ring looked so visually grotesque that I wore it to places like IHOPs and no one even thought to rob me for it. My current diamond is smaller, but at least the ring looks cute!

Good gracious what I would do to see a picture of that!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

Tracy, just wanted to say that I respect you for realizing that life needs balance, and you can do things exactly the way you want to have a happy family life and career! I found part-time work to be very rewarding and gave me the time with my family that I wanted!

 

[TracyBear]

Good gracious what I would do to see a picture of that!

Ask and thou shalt receive!






Very intricate scroll work. I like!



Interesting, you have some plain metalwork, some paving with milgraining going on, even some channeling...






BAM!

What better way to incorporate 4ct of extra side diamonds onto a 3.25 size ring then to stack them on top of one another? FAILED! The only redeeming factor is the F color center stone, I'm a sucker for a colorless diamond.




What a 1.03ct F color center stone looks like next to the animal on my finger.




My simple 1.6ct G color stone looks a little warm in this photo. Oh well, the design is much more elegant by comparison.

 

[diamondseeker2006]

My goodness. Whoever thought that design was a good idea??? Yikes!!! Such a shame to have a nice diamond in such an unwearable ring!

 

[partgypsy]

Wow I could not have imagined that, if you did not show me. One of those, what were they thinking? It looks like they had a bunch of leftover parts from a bunch of other rings that they welded together to make that ring.

I'm glad you found my advice useful. Don't worry, good things come to those who wait!

 

[rosetta]

Omg I am so glad I came back to this thread. That ring has given me the laugh of the century!!!

When you said 5 carat, I thought you meant a 5 carat centre stone solitaire and I never, ever imagined this monstrosity! It's simply mind boggling.

Your current ring is a ZILLION times better!

 

[Niel]

Omg I am so glad I came back to this thread. That ring has given me the laugh of the century!!!

When you said 5 carat, I thought you meant a 5 carat centre stone and I never, ever imagined this monstrosity! It's simply mind boggling.

Your current ring is a ZILLION times better!

If I'm not mistaken its a 5ct center, 9tcw.


That ring is unbelievably terrible.

 

[rosetta]

Omg I am so glad I came back to this thread. That ring has given me the laugh of the century!!!

When you said 5 carat, I thought you meant a 5 carat centre stone and I never, ever imagined this monstrosity! It's simply mind boggling.

Your current ring is a ZILLION times better!

If I'm not mistaken its a 5ct center, 9tcw.


That ring is unbelievably terrible.

Sorry I misread. It doesn't even look like a 5 carat, it's completely lost in the ugliness and is dwarfed by the rest of the ring. I'm still in shock, that is the worst ring I've ever seen.

 

[blackprophet]

WOW.

Who's idea was the design? THe guy or the designer? If it was the designers, they should just give up jewelery making.

I foundit interesteing to read all of this. I did have a suggestion. Since you look at it as your hard earned money, and he shouldn't be able to tell you what to do with it. Instead of paying of your student loans and saving up for a Birkin Bag, why not save up and buy your upgrade? Does your FI have to buy it? And at that point you will be able to keep the one he bought you. And wear either one as appropriate. More motivation to get those loans paid off.

As well, lots of people have said that your FI interest in the ring will fade. How do you know your interest in the ring will not grow? Its only been a month as I understand.

I can't resist saying though, sometimes I read threads on PS and feel like it exsists in some twilight zone that is not a part of reality. As I went through this one I had ringing through my head "first world problems..."

 

[peacechick]

I started in my seat when I saw the photo of the ring, it really is a monstrosity! The 5ct diamond however was very beautiful. Aren't you glad you don't have to wear that ring? I can't imagine flashing that anywhere Your current ring is so much classier.

 

[yssie]

Oh...my. Where's the emotie with the nervous tic when you need it?

 

[Sparklelu]

But I must say the underside is pretty