A lifetime of upgrades or a Hermes Birkin?

[TracyBear]

You gals know that I've been struggling with my Ering for quite some time. The second day that we received our diamond, I wanted to exchange it for a lower quality stone because this stone was too small for me. However, my fiance formed an unnatural bond with the stone and highly suggested that we keep it for rarity's sake. I wanted to see him happy so I kept the stone with a suppressed intention of upgrading it myself in the future. Even though I struggled to postpone the upgrade since it's a big hassle, I felt so uneasy about settling that I've started looking at upgrades again.

Recently, my man made an intriguing offer. If he got me the Hermes bag that I've been eyeing for years, will I keep his Ering, as is, forever? Monetarily speaking, it's going to be a "no." My 30cm togo leather Birkin is only ~20K max so it's totally not worth a LIFETIME of upgrades. Besides, I want to get my dream bag by myself as it marks my transition of becoming a financially stable and independent woman. But I did find it ironically sweet that he offered to get me a bag that he once mocked. Every time I'm ready for the upgrade, he shows me how desperately he wants to retain this specific stone and I can't pull the trigger. I think this stone will have to grow on me.

Fun question for the gals. Besides your man's love, is there anything that would make you give up a lifetime of upgrades?

 

[Circe]

An upgradable RHR would do it!

 

[tyty333]

Money and frugality (for lack of a better word) ...at some point I have to wonder do I really need to have a ring that
cost as much as a car even if we can afford it?

(I don't judge others...this thinking is for me personally)

 

[Enerchi]

If you are looking at an Hermes Birkin --- you are travelling in a whole different snack bracket than where I ride!!! I can't imagine being able to have that much disposable income that I could get such a significant upgrade or a fabulous purse like that, so I think I'm a little too out of my zone on how to respond fairly

The first thought I had was "what would mean more to me than anything, that I would hold onto and never change?" and immediately it was my children/husband/health (in a collective "WOOMPH" of a thought, it wasn't prioritized 1 more than the other it was just a single thought)

So... if my husband/kids/health was as secure as it can possibly be and I had to chose between diamond upgrades or a purse (not just any purse, I grant you!!) I'd still go with the lifetime of upgrades!! Nothing sparkles like a diamond but that's just me....

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I would 1000 times rather have the $20k extra towards a diamond upgrade than $20k on a purse. People like me will notice the diamond but honestly, I would never in a million years know you were carrying a 20k purse. I would turn that diamond into a 3 stone ring to wear on your right hand since it apparently has sentimental value to him, but I'd be saving for a larger diamond to wear as an e-ring. My purses cost a small fraction of what my diamond costs, and that is for a reason. I can use a $300 purse for one or maybe two seasons and then move on to a new one.

 

[woofmama]

This is completely out of my realm really. The most expensive purse I own is $200. Even if I had triple the income I do now, I would never spend more than $300 on a purse. I would happily spend $20k on a ring if it was with-in my budget.

I second DS in turning your original diamond into a three stone RHR. It's still sentimental, the whole past/present/future concept so your SO should except the reset. Who knows perhaps you'll love it and not want another ering. Or maybe get a different type of stone for your left hand after the three stone is made for your RHR. A cushion or emerald cut perhaps.
If you're dissatisfied with your ring, I do think it would always nag at you.

Back to your original question though: What would make me give up a lifetime of upgrades...my dream house maybe. Not a purse by any means.

 

[msop04]

I would much rather have a lifetime of upgrades (or maybe just a couple of significant ones ) than have any handbag, regardless of cost. I couldn't fathom spending 20K for a purse- this is just me personally, of course.

My rationale is that you wear your ering every day and don't take it off until you shower, clean, sleep... not to mention you probably glance at it and enjoy it hundreds of times throughout the day. The bag would only be carried several times in and out of places (and enjoyed a lot less, IMO). Also, a bag is, well, leather "with a name", and can be replicated a thousand times over. It can be easily scratched, ripped, dirtied, etc... A diamond takes millions of years to "make," will never go out of style, and is virtually indestructible.

Couldn't you just reset the original stone, like diamondseeker2006 mentioned? Maybe in a nice pendant??

 

[msop04]

Almost forgot!!
What would make me trade a lifetime of upgrades??

Probably a lifetime of dream vacations and the "perfect house."

 

[momhappy]

I'm sure that you've posted this elsewhere, but would you mind offering up the details of your current ring? I know that none of that really matters because if you are unhappy with the ring, you are unhappy with it and that's all that matters (and I can appreciate that).
I have to wonder if part of the reason why you wouldn't accept his offer is because if you buy your own Hermes, you get to have your cake and eat it too because you end up with both the bag and the new ring(s). In my marriage, money is shared, so even if I saved up for my own Hermes, that's still money that I would be taking from the both of us, which means that I really, truly wouldn't be purchasing the bag all on my own. I'm not saying that your situation is the same, just looking at it from the perspective of many married folks who share finances.
I can certainly appreciate your dilemma. I hope to own a Birkin too one day and I also hope to own my dream upgrade (a large fancy intense yellow diamond). If it came down to it, I would likely have to choose as I wouldn't feel comfortable spending that much on myself when there are others in this family besides just me.

 

[yssie]

I can't fathom spending 10k on a purse.
On the other hand... 10k on a setting by a designer only a handful of people have ever heard of? No problem!

I just don't *get* purses. I don't get what makes one leather better than another, or what makes one designer more noteworthy than another, so I don't understand the appeal - besides the unattainability, and the exclusivity of belonging to the Birkin clientele. Of course, many people know and love and *get* purses and don't get diamonds, so they'd feel exactly the opposite!

 

[astar11]

I prefer to respect my man by keeping the diamond since it has sentimental value for him.


In the future, when i have more money...

Logically, its better to get bigger diamond. However, its hard to choose when you dont have birkin but have diamond haha...

 

[Niel]

Haha I feel like you're asking the wrong forum. I think pretty much anyone here would pick the diamond. Go over to a purse forum and you'll hear a different tune. My sister and I actually represent both of these groups. I know she would pick the bag and I would pick the diamond.

 

[CharmyPoo]

You will likely get a very different answer on the Purse Forum than on Pricescope. My thoughts are that your husband loves the current diamond that much to offer to buy you a purse he thinks is stupid. Doesn't how much the original diamond mean to him mean something to you? Or does having a bigger rock on your finger mean more? I am not saying this with any negative connotations ... I am just asking you to decide what matters more ... his feelings or material goods that make you happy.

 

[junebug17]

You will likely get a very different answer on the Purse Forum than on Pricescope. My thoughts are that your husband loves the current diamond that much to offer to buy you a purse he thinks is stupid. Doesn't how much the original diamond mean to him mean something to you? Or does having a bigger rock on your finger mean more? I am not saying this with any negative connotations ... I am just asking you to decide what matters more ... his feelings or material goods that make you happy.

Yeah, I think I agree with this...I know a lot of us love big rocks here on PS, but I also feel that sometimes the feelings of our spouses should enter into our choices...I just checked out your current ring, it's a lovely sized stone that looks really substantial and beautiful on your hand and your size 3.5 finger - honestly, no judgements here but I couldn't help but notice that this diamond is extremely important to you husband, and I just think that counts for something.

And who knows, maybe in a few years time your husband will feel differently and will be ok with an upgrade.

And yes, I agree with others who say you won't be getting many people on a diamond forum saying they'd prefer the purse!

 

[diamondseeker2006]

I'd place my bets on the diamond holding it's value better over the long haul, like in 20 or 30 years (or at least there'd be a lot more buyers for a well cut diamond). I always think of balance, and I think if I carried a $20k purse, I'd need about a 4+ ct diamond for the whole package to look right. But like Niel said, this is a diamond forum, so you are going to be hearing more from diamond lovers!

I'm still in the camp of keeping this diamond out of respect for him, but getting another engagement ring. I still have my original ring, but I have new ring, too! You can alternate the rings or wear the old one on your right hand. Upgrading doesn't have to mean trading in the original diamond.

I will add that your ring is certainly nice at 1.6 cts with a halo. It would make a great right hand ring as it is or center stone with side stones.

 

[Niel]

Yes see I say keep the ring you have and get 20k to get something completely different in a rhr. FCD, some cool shape like a emerald cut, or a fun sapphire three stone or something. 20k is a substantial budget to get something beautiful and that can be done without hurting your DHs feelings. Plus, then you get something completely differerent!

 

[distracts]

Fun question for the gals. Besides your man's love, is there anything that would make you give up a lifetime of upgrades?

Okay well, right now I can't see myself ever upgrading my engagement ring, as the sapphire is for me the perfect color and there is huge sentimental attachment, so if this were about, say, upgrading a RHR...

If my husband did away with his "we can only have two pets at a time" rule, and I could have two bunnies and a cat (in addition to the dog), and three kids instead of the two that he wants, I'm sure I'd be too busy to even think about bling!

But in reality, I don't think happiness and wanting work like that. I want what I want, and that's lots of books, lots of bling, and lots of little things to take care of. I think if you're not happy with your diamond, getting a Hermes bag isn't going to magically make you happy with it, even if you want it to.

 

[Rosebloom]

This is completely out of my realm really. The most expensive purse I own is $200. Even if I had triple the income I do now, I would never spend more than $300 on a purse. I would happily spend $20k on a ring if it was with-in my budget.

I second DS in turning your original diamond into a three stone RHR. It's still sentimental, the whole past/present/future concept so your SO should except the reset. Who knows perhaps you'll love it and not want another ering. Or maybe get a different type of stone for your left hand after the three stone is made for your RHR. A cushion or emerald cut perhaps.
If you're dissatisfied with your ring, I do think it would always nag at you.

Back to your original question though: What would make me give up a lifetime of upgrades...my dream house maybe. Not a purse by any means.

This is my answer exactly!

 

[kenny]

I totally get the Birkin bag thing.
It is considered the best of the best of the best of something.
I appreciate the pursuit of the finest materials on earth combined with the skill of master artisans.
Such goods always sell for astronomical sums and are in short supply.
There are only a few people on the planet who understand and can afford such esoteric things.

I am NOT a high income person.
I'll bet I'm in the lower 10% of income level of PS members.

But I've spent 50 years being neurotically tight with money.
Now I can afford a few splurges that are not the norm like expensive cars, home remodeling, fancy restaurants, or vacations.
My passions are ... some FCDs, a new 9' 2" German concert grand piano that cost almost what our house cost, nice camera gear, the best binoculars made, and a nice white diamond to wear.

If a $20,000 bag makes your heart sing and you can swing it then go for it and enjoy the hell out of it.
Whether it is mostly for others to notice, or exclusively for your own appreciation matters not.
You owe nobody an explanation or justification.

Now, as to whether to pick the bling or the bag I say get the bag today while the offer is there.
Be a nice girl and in 5 or 10 years start bringing up a diamond upgrade.

 

[msop04]

Now, as to whether to pick the bling or the bag I say get the bag today while the offer is there.
Be a nice girl and in 5 or 10 years start bringing up a diamond upgrade.

 

[MomInstyle]

Hi Tracey,

I completely understand your dilemma because I would love to have both myself. I second to Kenny.

I believe that Birkin 30 Togo if you are working with SA, retail at $9,450 and if you go with reseller route then the mark up should be $14K-$15K unless is bi-color and the rarity of colour for such astronomical mark up to $20K.

It's much harder to find a Birkin and then it's for your diamond with the preferred specs and we just cannot walk in the store and the birkin is available to buy. The resell of the birkin is also hold up nicely and increase yearly. Let say if you get the ering and a beautiful wedding and 3 months from now you want to sell it, you will loss at least 20% of the original purchase price. With birkin, it hold much better price 4 or 5 yrs from now. I recently sold both of my Kelly and able to get more than what I paid.

Like Kenny, you really have to look what sing to you and what will get use more and only know it. I must say the finest craftsmanship and leather is impeccable. I have bad habit that I baby my Bs it so much and I don't wear often so it mostly it sit on the shelf but I have much gratification just looking and when i pull her out. I wear more jewelry more than Bs.

Good luck!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I get purses. I get big diamonds. I get brands...you get the point. So I can relate. Hence, buy the purse that for you ends all purses. Funny thing is, we all say that AND once we get this stuff.....then.....it never seems to be the end....

But I am in no position to buy a bag of this cost. And, if and only if money were NO option, would I buy a new Birkin. Or a gently loved one.

20K is a significant sum and would buy a large colored stone ring for another large modern RB or OEC for your RH. But it is your 20K!

cheers--Sharon

 

[junebug17]

I just realized I didn't complete my post I think if the purse is really important to you and you really want it, you should go for it. That said, I'm not that into purses so I wouldn't go that route...but you're not me! I would rather get an OEC, colored diamond, or colored stone RHR. Good luck with your decision and let us know what you decide!

 

[phale]

Recently, my man made an intriguing offer. If he got me the Hermes bag that I've been eyeing for years, will I keep his Ering, as is, forever? Monetarily speaking, it's going to be a "no." My 30cm togo leather Birkin is only ~20K max so it's totally not worth a LIFETIME of upgrades. Besides, I want to get my dream bag by myself as it marks my transition of becoming a financially stable and independent woman. But I did find it ironically sweet that he offered to get me a bag that he once mocked. Every time I'm ready for the upgrade, he shows me how desperately he wants to retain this specific stone and I can't pull the trigger. I think this stone will have to grow on me.

Fun question for the gals. Besides your man's love, is there anything that would make you give up a lifetime of upgrades?

Would you be settle when you receive that Birkin?

For my upgrading ring, I was thinking to buy a less expensive diamond. It would save enough to buy a small Kelley or HAC. But I realized that I'd rather have the ring on my finger that I really love. Hermes can wait.

Suprise your fiance, say you will keep his ring (because he loves it) and you dont want Birkin just yet. It might end his attachment to the ring

 

[SB621]

If he is so attached then wear it as a pendant or a RHR.

I'm already at 5cts so I don't really think I can go up from there. However, if given the choice again to keep my 2ct and spend the money on say a porsche I probably would have gone for the porsche as I love the boxer. Don't get me wrong- I ADORE my upgrade but I was happy with my 2ct round. It wouldn't have been my dream ring but then I would have had my dream car. I can't have both- at least not now so we will see what happens in the future.

However, if I wasn't already content with my current ring then I would upgrade.

And on that note- I would also never spend that much money on a bag. Last year I got a beautiful MK purse that I adore. Maybe 4 months later my DS threw up in it. We were at the doctor because he wasn't feeling well. He looked at me and I just knew he was going to up chuck so I opened my purse and it became a rather expensive vomit bag. hence I'm done with nice purses till the kids are in HS.

 

[TC1987]

Earlier threads say your current ring was $10,000 over budget for the center diamond and that it's in the ballpark of 1.6ct G IF and 7.5mm. And it's in a top-notch custom halo mounting. And apparently it hasn't even been on your hand for a year yet? So surely the time to speak up was before all of this was purchased? "A lifetime of upgrades" doesn't seem like a very realistic expectation to me. I guess I am just completely baffled by this thread. If I were the man, I honestly think I'd take that ring back and walk. Sometimes the answer is "Cool your jets."

 

[momhappy]

^Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the ring just completed last month?

 

[Niel]

If I were the man, I honestly think I'd tak thread. e that ring back and walk. Sometimes the answer is "Cool your jets."

How amazingly rude! On this site you see all the time people with buyer's remorse. Because she has it and he doesn't he should leave her?!

This isn't a relationship forum its a diamond forum. I think some people forget that on this forum.

 

[kenny]

TracyBear, have you asked the same question on a purse forum?

 

[momhappy]

^Good point Niel. Even though I might have some trouble understanding the upgrade myself (in terms of timing), that's certainly not grounds to walk out on a relationship.
I have an Hermes on my wish list too, so I can appreciate the dilemma. However, having just received my halo within the past couple of months too, I have no desire to upgrade - I am in love with my new ring Eventually, I'd love to upgrade, but that's many years down the road.