When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond...

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

They do it because of this quote I recently came across, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

In these times we are so connected in a way that we've never been before. Facebook, Instagram, online magazines, etc.( hello, Show me the Bling thread anyone?) make it almost impossible to be happy with what you have. Ten years ago I wouldn't see that an acquaintance from high school bought a Mercedes and listed it as a life event on their timeline or the amazing $3 million house an old middle school friend bought. In my circle I have a decent sized ring, a nice home and a hot husband (he's pretty hot outside my circle too). All things that I'm fairly happy with but the green monster sneaks up on all of us occasionally. Some of us as a result will lie about what we have. Others will use it as motivation to work harder. Those who want to be better will work on being grateful for what they do have. I'm trying to do the latter.

I hadn't heard this expression before, but it is so true -- and the social media thing is really out of control these days. I love the hot husband comment -- get on with your bad self, girl!! I also appreciate your thoughts on jealousy and the hope that we (as people) will try to always be grateful -- thanks for posting makhro!

 

[motownmama]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I'd seriously suggest she get the necklace insured.

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I got what you were trying to say and think many of us would have posted about such an experience. It's just like when people have huge settings with tons of melee and they add a carat or two to the weight of the center stone to report the diamond size! It is funny, but I think most people are clueless about how carat size equates to actual visual size. I do think it is very possible she got her numbers mixed up since the pendant is supposedly 2 cts. But I am also betting the pendant isn't real because why would you insure a 1.5 ct e-ring and not a 2 ct pendant? And isn't a 2 ct pendant kind of strange since it is larger than the e-ring stone (even if it is a family stone)?

I've noticed people doing the whole "total ct weight" thing too... LOL Although I thought the pendant was the real deal, I also thought it was a little strange that the larger stone wasn't used for the ering. I'm wondering if it's real, too... which would make sense as to why she hasn't used it for the ring or maybe she's sentimental? Regardless, it still doesn't makes sense to insure a 1.5 and not a 2ct. I have louped them or seen a cert or anything (<--- this is a total joke, as I don't even care to loupe my own stones!! HA!), but they both look pretty much "G-H" color range, and are eye-clean from what I can tell. Both are really pretty!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I'd seriously suggest she get the necklace insured.

I agree motownmama!! If she'd said all this to or in front of me, then I would've had a fit and suggested that she insure both!! But since she didn't, I'm not even gonna mention anything about it -- can you imagine the can of worms that could open up??!! YIKES!!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

... why would you insure a 1.5 ct e-ring and not a 2 ct pendant?

Perhaps the 1.5 has very high color, clarity, and cut but the the 2 ct has the opposite.

Good point, kenny... they both look eye clean and close to the same color, but I guess the 1.5 could be of very high clarity??

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

They do it because of this quote I recently came across, "Comparison is the thief of joy."

I've never heard that before...how true it is!! Thanks for sharing it! Kenny, I also loved your post...also very true and hard to correct/improve on....

As to the original question...no, I've never had someone IRL lie to my face about a piece of jewelry. No one actually talks about it, short of commenting on a new piece "that's lovely! congrats on your anniversary" or whatever the occasion is. My guess is that either she totally spaced out or is insecure about her ring.

I've experienced this with only one other person (a "friend" from college), but she never tried to say she had more or bigger/better things, just insisted everything costed more... much more. She was pretty much a pathological liar and loved to talk money (so tacky...), so we just came to expect such from her and ignored it. It was good for laughs though!

Thanks for posting!

 

[Rhea]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I got what you were trying to say and think many of us would have posted about such an experience. It's just like when people have huge settings with tons of melee and they add a carat or two to the weight of the center stone to report the diamond size! It is funny, but I think most people are clueless about how carat size equates to actual visual size. I do think it is very possible she got her numbers mixed up since the pendant is supposedly 2 cts. But I am also betting the pendant isn't real because why would you insure a 1.5 ct e-ring and not a 2 ct pendant? And isn't a 2 ct pendant kind of strange since it is larger than the e-ring stone (even if it is a family stone)?

I also thought it was a little strange that the larger stone wasn't used for the ering.

I have my 0.47carat* engagement ring insured but not my approx 1.76carat** studs. I also have bigger diamonds than I wear than my engagement ring. There are many reasons, including my logic that I'm a million times more likely to chip or damage a diamond on my finger than in my ears, and DH doesn't believe in upgrades. The engagement ring is always the engagement ring.


* carat weight according to receipt. Diamond has never been taken out of setting and weighed.

** this is a guess, I honestly can't remember how big they are and I've only had them for 18 months! I will continue to guess and get the carat weight wrong on a regular basis and remain blissfully happy when someone corrects me or second guesses me.

 

[smitcompton]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Hi msop,

I understand how you feel. I didn't read all the threads, but the criticisms of you are ridiculous. When anyone lies, be it about a diamond , car , clothes, it is disturbing because it is a red flag that this person is not entirely trustworthy. If a person can so easily toss off a few lies, then you can't really count on what they tell you. Yes, we all mistakes, but when people lie, it always takes me aback.
It changes my opinion of them. Lying gets easier and easier. I think it matters.

Annette

I do have a story from the liars point of view. My friends husband had just put down a hardwood flour in a new home they purchased. A sort of big wig from his church stopped by and admired the floor. He explained how he did it , how long it took, and how much it cost. My friend nearly dropped her draws when she heard her husband, who is a gem, lie about how long it took, and how much it cost, making it more expensive and take longer to finish.

After the church member left she confronted him and his only reply was, I know i did it, and I can't tell you why, except that i wanted to impress him. After, he felt like a jerk, but he says he couldn't stop himself. Believe me , this is a great guy, and his wife told the story around me and he just accepted his behavior with some puzzlement himself. It did not change my opinion of him. Maybe we all have foibles like this.

I do understand your wanting to discuss it. You have to take her with a grain of salt, which i know you do.


Annett

 

[Niel]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Hi msop,

I understand how you feel. I didn't read all the threads, but the criticisms of you are ridiculous. When anyone lies, be it about a diamond , car , clothes, it is disturbing because it is a red flag that this person is not entirely trustworthy. If a person can so easily toss off a few lies, then you can't really count on what they tell you. Yes, we all mistakes, but when people lie, it always takes me aback.
It changes my opinion of them. Lying gets easier and easier. I think it matters.

Annette

I do have a story from the liars point of view. My friends husband had just put down a hardwood flour in a new home they purchased. A sort of big wig from his church stopped by and admired the floor. He explained how he did it , how long it took, and how much it cost. My friend nearly dropped her draws when she heard her husband, who is a gem, lie about how long it took, and how much it cost, making it more expensive and take longer to finish.

After the church member left she confronted him and his only reply was, I know i did it, and I can't tell you why, except that i wanted to impress him. After, he felt like a jerk, but he says he couldn't stop himself. Believe me , this is a great guy, and his wife told the story around me and he just accepted his behavior with some puzzlement himself. It did not change my opinion of him. Maybe we all have foibles like this.

I do understand your wanting to discuss it. You have to take her with a grain of salt, which i know you do.


Annett

+1000

I don't appreciate the criticism your getting either. This is a diamond forum. So I understand you posting it. Its an interesting thing that happened that's diamond related and gave you pause. I get it. I got you

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I suspect she probably annoys you or your brother for other reasons too..... Oh yeah, she's always been obnoxious and attention-seeking and we'd always just laugh, but she's never (to our knowledge) been deceitful. <shrugs> It's mainly the attitude she's had lately: money talk, possessions, snobbery, etc... DH talks to her a little more than I do, so I think he told me about the "2.5 ct thing" because he'd simply had enough of her, and wanted reassurance that I had noticed this new attitude as well -- not to mention he knew what she'd said couldn't be accurate.

I had a friend in high school. She would lie about everything. Things i never realized until year later. Silly things like telling me she had a DVD at her house, but it hadnt been released yet. Telling me she called some guy and they were both the same place (ended up with a cute story at the end ) and well that guy didnt even have a cellphone, so that story was impossible. She lied about having brothers that she didnt have. Lied about her middle name.... she just lied. Wow! That's certified CRAY CRAY!!!

I just posted that I had a friend from college that would lie about how much things cost, then downplay it -- she'd just blurt it out when it didn't matter or even when no one was even talking about that kind of thing!! It would be like, "Oh, Jamie, I LOVE your new sofa! Super cute!" to be answered by, "thanks! Can you believe I got it at Z-Gallerie for $2900??!! ...SUCH a good deal!" before I even had a chance to comment that I'd see it there and really liked it. I'd just moved into my home and been shopping (err... more like looking ) in that very shop! ...and the couch -- it was listed on sale for $1799, original price $2199.

I ended up just not hanging out with her anymore. I couldnt trust anything she said so it just wasnt worth it. We had a falling out as well, due in part to all her lying.

Fast forward a to this year, i was feeling like she had change and i thought we could get a drink. She was talking about her recent e ring she got. Told me with a strait face that it was a 1 ct... i of course admitted my pear wasnt quite a ct and my new ring was only about 0.8 cts. Fun to admit your diamonds are smaller than someone's? meh, who cares i guess. I know what you mean... I've had a family member ask if mine was much larger (probably the halo made her think that it was bigger??...), and I was like, "oh no no, not even close!! But thanks!!" Also, they probably have no idea what the higher carat weights look like IRL anyway. Past about a 3.5-4 ct, I have a hard time guessing for MRBs!! You can forget it on deeper cuts -- I suck at guessing ...then you add the size fingers, and...

But we were talking recently as she wants to sell it and she told me it was smaller than she had originally represented. If she wasnt someone with a history of lying id just assume she wasnt that interested in rings, and didnt see think there was much difference in 13 points. But as we have a history I assume that wasnt the case. Shes a sweet girl and you guys will probably see the stone on LT soon, so again, not a comment on that , but i bet if this was an isolated incident it wouldnt bother you so much. This is a good point, Niel! SIL may mess up again later and report something totally different! HA!
And shoot, i can attest, relationships with sister in laws are a tricky road to travel!! <---yes!! that's why I needed to vent here!!

Thanks for sharing a similar experience!

 

[momhappy]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Maybe some of the criticism stems from the overall tone of the thread? I think that it's fine that OP wants to come here to vent about SIL, but it's done in a way that comes off as somewhat mean-spirited. Saying things like, "We've laughed and joked about it for days," "As much as it would thrill my soul to call her out on it," "The entire family had to listen to a big production about how great her rings was," "my DH would never be so tacky.."
It just seems like maybe this issue runs far deeper than the size of a diamond and the comments made by OP seem to demonstrate that. The criticism seems to be more about the fact that OP could have handled the situation more appropriately (especially considering that it's family), but I certainly can appreciate the fact that we all need to vent some times and here is as good a place to do that as any!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I also thought it was a little strange that the larger stone wasn't used for the ering.

I have my 0.47carat* engagement ring insured but not my approx 1.76carat** studs. I also have bigger diamonds than I wear than my engagement ring. There are many reasons, including my logic that I'm a million times more likely to chip or damage a diamond on my finger than in my ears, and DH doesn't believe in upgrades. The engagement ring is always the engagement ring.


* carat weight according to receipt. Diamond has never been taken out of setting and weighed.

** this is a guess, I honestly can't remember how big they are and I've only had them for 18 months! I will continue to guess and get the carat weight wrong on a regular basis and remain blissfully happy when someone corrects me or second guesses me.

Hey Rhea! You have a really good point! SIL is a PT, so maybe she felt the pendant safer than her ring, thus the lack of insurance? I just hope she gets it on both soon!

WOW!! I'd love to have diamond earrings -- esp. such substantial rocks as yours!!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Hi msop,

I understand how you feel. I didn't read all the threads, but the criticisms of you are ridiculous. When anyone lies, be it about a diamond , car , clothes, it is disturbing because it is a red flag that this person is not entirely trustworthy. If a person can so easily toss off a few lies, then you can't really count on what they tell you. Yes, we all mistakes, but when people lie, it always takes me aback.
It changes my opinion of them. Lying gets easier and easier. I think it matters.

Annette, thanks for summarizing exactly what I've been struggling with... I do love my SIL and it's so disturbing to see her acting this way and being told what she said. We've always known she's an attention seeker and is worried to death about how things appear to others, but we really don't want to think of her as a dishonest, "one-upping," or snobbish person, but... it's kinda hard not to when that's how she presents herself.

Annette

I do have a story from the liars point of view. My friends husband had just put down a hardwood floor in a new home they purchased. A sort of big wig from his church stopped by and admired the floor. He explained how he did it , how long it took, and how much it cost. My friend nearly dropped her draws when she heard her husband, who is a gem, lie about how long it took, and how much it cost, making it more expensive and take longer to finish.

After the church member left she confronted him and his only reply was, I know i did it, and I can't tell you why, except that i wanted to impress him. After, he felt like a jerk, but he says he couldn't stop himself. Believe me , this is a great guy, and his wife told the story around me and he just accepted his behavior with some puzzlement himself. It did not change my opinion of him. Maybe we all have foibles like this.

I do understand your wanting to discuss it. You have to take her with a grain of salt, which i know you do.


Annett

It really says a lot about your friend's husband that he was man enough (and honest enough) to admit he lied to impress. I wouldn't think less of this either. Sounds like a hard-working man who can accept, as well as admit his faults. Good story!! Thanks for posting!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

+1000

I don't appreciate the criticism your getting either. This is a diamond forum. So I understand you posting it. Its an interesting thing that happened that's diamond related and gave you pause. I get it. I got you

Thanks, Niel... I appreciate it.

 

[Begonia]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Just my humble opinion, but I think that people who embellish/lie outright (if is wasn't a slip of the tongue on her part), have esteem and insecurity issues. Knowing that usually makes me feel sorry for them. Try to feel a sense of empathy for her and the rest will fall away.

I am not saying this this is true of you msop, but when I was younger and this happened, I felt the urge to point it out, or call them on it. I think deep down I was trying to embarrass them out of the behavior. Well you can't embarrass anyone out of any behaviors. That usually just leads to anger on their part. I'm older now, and I've got a better handle on my ego, and usually I just smile and compliment them on whatever they are yanking my chain about.

I also think there is an element of jealousy here (forgive me if already mentioned). My SIL is very competitive with me, and everyone says it is because of jealousy. You are blessed with your husband and lovely diamond and can afford to be gracious to her.

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Maybe some of the criticism stems from the overall tone of the thread? I think that it's fine that OP wants to come here to vent about SIL, but it's done in a way that comes off as somewhat mean-spirited. Saying things like, "We've laughed and joked about it for days," "As much as it would thrill my soul to call her out on it," "The entire family had to listen to a big production about how great her rings was," "my DH would never be so tacky.."
It just seems like maybe this issue runs far deeper than the size of a diamond and the comments made by OP seem to demonstrate that. The criticism seems to be more about the fact that OP could have handled the situation more appropriately (especially considering that it's family), but I certainly can appreciate the fact that we all need to vent some times and here is as good a place to do that as any!

Never meant to sound mean-spirited, but I understand if that is how it came across to some... so maybe I should clarify...

"We've laughed and joked about it for days," <---- about how her diamond has "grown" all of a sudden since she's been dropping all this money talk and acting like she's a Kardashian (DH and I thought that was pretty dang funny -- sue us.)

"As much as it would thrill my soul to call her out on it," <---- Guilty. Given that she's been acting so dang snobby lately, it would give me satisfaction to call her on it... not to be mean so much as to show her how she appears to others -- and that I know better. (I'm not gonna lie, there are few things that bother me (and DH) more than when someone will out-and-out lie to our faces...)

"The entire family had to listen to a big production about how great her rings was," <---- Since none of you guys were there, I can't expect you to understand how obnoxious this was -- it was like a twisted family meeting or something. I tried to explain by using the word "production," but I guess that didn't do it justice. It was really awful. DH and SIL come from a super nice family, and I even caught his mother (who is the sweetest, most sincere, unassuming person you'd ever meet) looking wide-eyed. It was clear that she'd never seen her daughter talk or act this way and it shocked her... and not in a good way. My DH physically left the room as soon as it was over because he was about to explode. So... I hope this gives a better idea of how it all went down. Although I totally agree that you should be ecstatic about getting engaged, it's not necessary to act "better than" or snobbish.

"my DH would never be so tacky.." <---- I don't know how this could be viewed as mean-spirited. When all my friends got engaged, never once did any of them bring up anything about their rings other than how much they loved them. Same for my husband -- he didn't tell one person what he paid, the size or specs, or anything else about it, as it would have been in poor taste to do so. I feel it is tacky to talk incessantly about money or the size of a ring, house, etc... when you haven't been asked (which I think asking is a little rude as well, unless it's by someone who is a friend/family member who wants to know because they are in the market and genuinely want an idea). I was raised with the belief that "money talk" and things of this nature were in poor taste when in mixed company or if bragging, or when it's unnecessary or irrelevant. Others may have different feelings on this, and that is fine.

I was really confused by this:

The criticism seems to be more about the fact that OP could have handled the situation more appropriately (especially considering that it's family...

Ummm... I've never said anything hurtful or disrespectful to my SIL, and I never would, as I have stated in this thread. If you think it was inappropriate of me to discuss this with my husband, then well... I'm sorry you feel that way. My husband and I talk about everything, good and bad. He told me and it was out of concern -- not to laugh at her expense. What would have been inappropriate would have been any action on my part (or his) to bring it up to her or call her on it... neither of which we would do... because she's family.

 

[soxfan]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop, don't waste your time "clarifying" your words. I learned a long time ago that there are some people on this "diamond" forum who are just ITCHING to argue or pick fights. Just let it go. I know what you meant, so do a few level-headed others.

 

[AnneinGA]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I'll bet you money this is what happened:

She's told everyone for so long that her ring is X carats that it has become her staple song and dance when someone asks. When in front of your hubby the lies just rolled off her tongue - without her thinking (until it was too late) who she was speaking in front of.

I have seen kids do this when they're trying to make themselves look better in front of other peers (or even their parents) and they tell the fabrication so much that then they do it in a family setting and uh-oh, everyone stares at them like WHAT?!

It's harmless, says way more about her than you, and I would tend to let it go. It all stems from a need to have an alternate reality and something better than someone she knows has (maybe you). Showing grace on this one would be a good way to go, and just let it all go. I read a really great article, from of all places, Gwynneth Paltrow's blog about honesty, by Dr. Habib Sadeghi. Read to the middle to see why people lie. Makes total sense to me.

http://www.goop.com/journal/be/236/the-truth

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Just my humble opinion, but I think that people who embellish/lie outright (if is wasn't a slip of the tongue on her part), have esteem and insecurity issues. Knowing that usually makes me feel sorry for them. Try to feel a sense of empathy for her and the rest will fall away.

I am not saying this this is true of you msop, but when I was younger and this happened, I felt the urge to point it out, or call them on it. I think deep down I was trying to embarrass them out of the behavior. Well you can't embarrass anyone out of any behaviors. That usually just leads to anger on their part. I'm older now, and I've got a better handle on my ego, and usually I just smile and compliment them on whatever they are yanking my chain about.

I also think there is an element of jealousy here (forgive me if already mentioned). My SIL is very competitive with me, and everyone says it is because of jealousy. You are blessed with your husband and lovely diamond and can afford to be gracious to her.

Hey Begonia!

I agree with you about self-esteem... even the most "put-together" individuals can be secretly cursed by this issue, and it presents itself in so many different ways. BTW, you are absolutely right about me -- hit the nail on the head! Several years ago, I don't think I could have refrained from commenting or finding a way to bring it up to "prove a point." And, yes, it would be done in hopes of the exact same result you mentioned -- hopefully nipping it in the bud. At least that's what I thought then. And those thoughts still come into my head, I just have to work not to act on them and "play the whole tape through," if you will.

For her to be jealous seems crazy to me, as she is absolutely gorgeous with a rockin' bod, ridiculously thick naturally blonde hair, great career that she loves, sweet family, and a hot husband. DAMN THESE PEOPLE!! That said, I don't know what goes on in others heads. <shrugs> Admittedly, I'm an envious person by nature, so maybe it's harder for me to wrap my head about the idea she could have a little jealousy of me because she seems so perfect in my eyes?? Hmmmm... that's something to ponder...

I do have such a wonderful husband and we're very happy and healthy -- can't ask for much more! (well, there's always that 4 carat stunner I've always wanted -- KIDDING!! ...sort of) And, yes, being gracious is difficult sometimes, but it pays off in the long run.

Thanks so much for your thoughts!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop, don't waste your time "clarifying" your words. I learned a long time ago that there are some people on this "diamond" forum who are just ITCHING to argue or pick fights. Just let it go. I know what you meant, so do a few level-headed others.

HA! Thanks, sox... it's cool. Posts can come across differently from how they are truly meant. Also, we can't control what others think or how our words may be received. <shrugs>

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I'll bet you money this is what happened:

She's told everyone for so long that her ring is X carats that it has become her staple song and dance when someone asks. When in front of your hubby the lies just rolled off her tongue - without her thinking (until it was too late) who she was speaking in front of.

I have seen kids do this when they're trying to make themselves look better in front of other peers (or even their parents) and they tell the fabrication so much that then they do it in a family setting and uh-oh, everyone stares at them like WHAT?!

It's harmless, says way more about her than you, and I would tend to let it go. It all stems from a need to have an alternate reality and something better than someone she knows has (maybe you). Showing grace on this one would be a good way to go, and just let it all go. I read a really great article, from of all places, Gwynneth Paltrow's blog about honesty, by Dr. Habib Sadeghi. Read to the middle to see why people lie. Makes total sense to me.

http://www.goop.com/journal/be/236/the-truth

Anne, I believe whole-heartedly that you have figured it out! I just read your post and had one of those "DUH!!" moments where the lightbulb came on!!

I will most definitely read that article -- thank you!!

 

[momhappy]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop, don't waste your time "clarifying" your words. I learned a long time ago that there are some people on this "diamond" forum who are just ITCHING to argue or pick fights. Just let it go. I know what you meant, so do a few level-headed others.

I'm certainly not wanting to argue or pick fights. My response above was actually sort of a follow-up to a post about how the OP was being criticized. I was just trying to demonstrate why some might be criticizing - because she seemed to be focusing a lot of attention on her feelings towards SIL. I apologize if my post came off the wrong way.

 

[Niel]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop, don't waste your time "clarifying" your words. I learned a long time ago that there are some people on this "diamond" forum who are just ITCHING to argue or pick fights. Just let it go. I know what you meant, so do a few level-headed others.

I'm certainly not wanting to argue or pick fights. My response above was actually sort of a follow-up to a post about how the OP was being criticized. I was just trying to demonstrate why some might be criticizing - because she seemed to be focusing a lot of attention on her feelings towards SIL. I apologize if my post came off the wrong way.

I don't think soxan meant you mom happy!

Its funny soxfan you've not been here long but still recognize this about this forum.

my FI hates "forum stories" but I was telling about something the other day and his response to a poster here was "oh like a typically forum jerk. " lol. I'm not in many forums. But there's some in evey crowd I guess.


(My post is not necessarily in reference to anyone in this thread)

 

[soxfan]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop, don't waste your time "clarifying" your words. I learned a long time ago that there are some people on this "diamond" forum who are just ITCHING to argue or pick fights. Just let it go. I know what you meant, so do a few level-headed others.

I'm certainly not wanting to argue or pick fights. My response above was actually sort of a follow-up to a post about how the OP was being criticized. I was just trying to demonstrate why some might be criticizing - because she seemed to be focusing a lot of attention on her feelings towards SIL. I apologize if my post came off the wrong way.

I don't think soxan meant you mom happy!

Its funny soxfan you've not been here long but still recognize this about this forum.

my FI hates "forum stories" but I was telling about something the other day and his response to a poster here was "oh like a typically forum jerk. " lol. I'm not in many forums. But there's some in evey crowd I guess.

No Momhappy, I wasn't referring to your post! Niel- Behavior TOTALLY typical of forums. I try to keep to posting about JUST jewelry and even THAT usually gets me into trouble too.

 

[momhappy]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Ah, okay - I was worried there for a minute. I'm still pretty new here and the last thing I want is to ruffle feathers
I truly can relate to OP though - I have a super-crazy SIL. Oh the stories that I could share here!!!!

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

Ah, okay - I was worried there for a minute. I'm still pretty new here and the last thing I want is to ruffle feathers
I truly can relate to OP though - I have a super-crazy SIL. Oh the stories that I could share here!!!!

No worries, momhappy!! In laws can be tricky, for sure!

 

[Begonia]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

msop -

- Begonia

 

[Christina...]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

I have a very close family member that lies about the smallest dumbest things, never big things, just small ones. He lies about things that don't even matter, like what day he mailed something, when he responded to an email, he wasn't able to fulfill an obligation because.....fill in the blank. It's completely frustrating, even more because they are always about inconsequential things that ultimately end up hurting someone. For instance, this person sent a text to my son asking what he wanted for Christmas last year. My son wasn't sure so this person recommended a really cool and generous gift, and of course my son was receptive! It was a gift that my DH and I had planned on purchasing for DS anyway but decided to allow the family member to gift it to him instead. Christmas Eve I began to worry a bit because the gift hadn't arrived. I decided that it likely didn't matter and that DS wouldn't notice it's absence amongst the piles of other gifts he received, but still, it was a gift that we really wanted him to have and would have otherwise provided. Anyway, I decided that it was probably delayed with all the last minute shipments and that it would arrive a few days following, no biggie. Christmas morning though, DS DID notice the absence of the gift and asked about it and I explained that it would probably arrive in a few days. The family member actually called later that morning and asked if DS enjoyed the gift, I sadly explained that it hadn't arrived yet but that I would keep a look out. Fast forward two weeks and the gift still hasn't arrived, DS has inquired a couple of times but family member has not. Hubby and I decide that it would be tacky to inquire with the family member and decide that we will wait a bit longer and if it didn't show we would purchase the gift and place the family members name on it and present it to DS. A week later, family member texted DS and again asks if he liked his gift!! DS explained that he hadn't received it which prompted family member to contact me to say that he was investigating it. A few days later he contacts me and explains that the gift was sent to his home while he was away for Christmas and was returned because a signature could not be provided. But claims that he contacted the seller and they were going to ship directly to DS the next day. So again we wait to receive the package and nothing. However family member calls DH a couple weeks later and told him that he contacted the seller who said that the item had been backordered until XX-XX-XX and that they will send directly to DS when it became available. He somehow didn't get the status email immediately after he ordered the item. So now I'm angry and hurt that DS has been lied to and waiting for a package that was never going to come. DS didn't ask for the gift, family member was not obligated to provide a gift, why all the lies??? Dumb and hurtful. DH bought the item for DS the following day and we put family members name on it. It's especially sad because DS adores this family member and looks up to him. Imagine the family members surprise when DS sent a thank you email for the package. Family member obviously knew that he was caught in a lie and we didn't even have to confront him. He has never brought it up nor have DH and I. We will however not allow DS to have any illusions should promises be made to him again this year.

So, anyway, that was a very long way of saying who knows why people do or say the things that they do. It hurts to watch someone that you love and respect change into someone that you no longer recognize, and I think that some of that frustration has come out in your responses. You can't prevent your SIL from traveling the path that she is on. But you can control how you respond to it. I also think it's important to remember that we can't choose our family. I may not like the way my family member behaves sometimes but I have accepted that it is who he is and so long as his actions don't put my family at risk then it's best to leave him to his own devices. I KNOW that he isn't always a good person and I can tell YOU that, however, I don't necessarily want to hear DH go on and on about what an a$$ he is either. For whatever reason (right or wrong) it's ok for me to criticize a family member...it isn't quite so cool to hear someone else do it. Just a caution....I know your DH laughs along with you now...but deep inside he may wish that you wouldn't.

 

[msop04]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

So, anyway, that was a very long way of saying who knows why people do or say the things that they do. It hurts to watch someone that you love and respect change into someone that you no longer recognize, and I think that some of that frustration has come out in your responses. You can't prevent your SIL from traveling the path that she is on. But you can control how you respond to it. I also think it's important to remember that we can't choose our family. I may not like the way my family member behaves sometimes but I have accepted that it is who he is and so long as his actions don't put my family at risk then it's best to leave him to his own devices. I KNOW that he isn't always a good person and I can tell YOU that, however, I don't necessarily want to hear DH go on and on about what an a$$ he is either. For whatever reason (right or wrong) it's ok for me to criticize a family member...it isn't quite so cool to hear someone else do it. Just a caution....I know your DH laughs along with you now...but deep inside he may wish that you wouldn't.

Very eloquently stated, Christina -- you always have the most articulate responses... I appreciate you weighing in.

I'm so sorry that your DS had to be involved in all that madness, but I don't think you could've handled it better than you did. Your actions were gracious, respectful, and protective of your DS's feelings. I think you're right about my DH and discussing this. Nothing has been mentioned for a bit, and I don't plan on bringing it up. If DH decides to go into it, I think it may be best for me to listen and empathize, but be careful to add any more commentary than is necessary. I know it bothers him, so why beat a dead horse, ya know?? Thanks again for your thoughts.

 

[nowicanseethemoon]

Re: When someone embellishes about the size of their diamond

So, anyway, that was a very long way of saying who knows why people do or say the things that they do. It hurts to watch someone that you love and respect change into someone that you no longer recognize, and I think that some of that frustration has come out in your responses. You can't prevent your SIL from traveling the path that she is on. But you can control how you respond to it. I also think it's important to remember that we can't choose our family. I may not like the way my family member behaves sometimes but I have accepted that it is who he is and so long as his actions don't put my family at risk then it's best to leave him to his own devices. I KNOW that he isn't always a good person and I can tell YOU that, however, I don't necessarily want to hear DH go on and on about what an a$$ he is either. For whatever reason (right or wrong) it's ok for me to criticize a family member...it isn't quite so cool to hear someone else do it. Just a caution....I know your DH laughs along with you now...but deep inside he may wish that you wouldn't.

Very eloquently stated, Christina -- you always have the most articulate responses... I appreciate you weighing in.

I'm so sorry that your DS had to be involved in all that madness, but I don't think you could've handled it better than you did. Your actions were gracious, respectful, and protective of your DS's feelings. I think you're right about my DH and discussing this. Nothing has been mentioned for a bit, and I don't plan on bringing it up. If DH decides to go into it, I think it may be best for me to listen and empathize, but be careful to add any more commentary than is necessary. I know it bothers him, so why beat a dead horse, ya know?? Thanks again for your thoughts.

In my opinion, this is exactly why we come here to vent. It allows us to work through things and get insightful opinions so we can move on in a productive manner. I think your plan of attack (so to speak) on this topic is right on.