were you ever upset about the sex of the baby?

[Novel]

Date: 9/29/2009 5:23:40 PM
Author: Pandora II
One thing I have always thought on the whole man wanting a son to do ''men'' things is...what if they turn out like my friend A.?


A is the nicest guy in the world - and just happens to be gay and rather camp with it. Since he was tiny he was into dressing-up and girly games and had no interest in boys things at all. A bit of a shock for his dad - who''s a builder!


A now works in opera and his parents are so proud. His dad also got another two boys to do men things with.


Just makes you think that there could be a lot of disappointed fathers later on! My DH was terrified we''d have a son who would want to play football or indeed sport of any kind as he has ZERO interest in it.

He he. I thought about this, too. I have two sisters, and my dad always wanted a son to do "son things" with. Instead, he got my older sister! He played basketball with her, sailed with her, and took us both downstairs into his workroom to build things with.

I don''t have kids but want to in the future, and I''ll admit it, I want at least one daughter. I want the closeness mothers and daughters can have, but then I think about how much easier talking to my dad about dating and stuff was than it was with my mom. So maybe the "son things" and "daughter things" can be found in many relationships, despite gender.

 

[luv2sparkle]

When I was young, I always imagined I would have a houseful of girls. I never grew up with any sibling and always wanted a sister. Well, got married and when I was pregnant the first time had a beautiful baby girl. She was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Had baby 2, and he was a huge little boy, totally
different in temperment from his sister, who hardly ever slept. Baby 3 and I am ready for a girl but okay either way. Baby 4 I really wanted a girl and when
they did the ultrasound broke down in a puddle of tears!. The poor tech doing the ultrasound didn''t know what to do. I think I had held back all the hopes for
so long that was my last chance. As with Ellen, this boy turned out to be the sweetest child ever. I adore all of my kids, they are all wonderful, but as teenagers
my hubby and I often joke the first three have just about killed us!

Child 4 has never in his whole life given me one reason to be sad or worried. Fast forward about 7 years and I found myself pregnant again with twins at 36! So
not happy. Had a miscarriage and thought I was done, and I go to the dr and he tells me I am still pregnant with one. Still not happy, but resigned. By this time
I was okay with another boy, which we had. I don''t know what we would have done without that little guy. Sometimes the stuff I stress about becomes the
biggest blessing. He''s 13 now and although he wont be as easy as his older brother, he wont be as hard as the first three I hope!

For me in the end, I am glad that God didn''t give me what I so desperately wanted. I found boys to be much easier than girls. I am thankful.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I think it is natural to be disappointed when your life doesn''t turn out the way you imagined. Some women imagine their future families. Some don''t. Personally I would have been disappointed if I never had a girl. That doesn''t mean I wouldn''t love my sons. Of course I would! But I always saw myself with at least one daughter. I am close to my mom and can only hope my DD and I have that kind of relationship when she gets older. Since my first was a girl I am not worried. All girls or one of each would be fine with me.

 

[Kay]

When I was pregnant with DD, we did not have a strong preference since she was the first. DH and I both had a slight preference for a boy. I think he felt he would have more in common with a boy and wouldn’t know what to do with a girl, plus his sister is 4 years younger so it seemed “natural” to have a boy first, then a girl. I think I wanted a boy simply because that would make DH happier, and I really didn’t care which gender the baby was, although I always had a feeling she was a girl. DH looked a little shocked when the OB gave us the amnio results: 46XX. When we left the office, he said “wow, what am I going to do with two of you?”

Now that we have DD, neither of us can imagine having any other baby but the one we received. DH adores her, and has decided he’ll just have to teach her the “boy” things he would have done with a son, like martial arts, building stuff, etc. (I am in charge of fashion, so she does not leave the house looking funny.)

We are trying to decide whether to have a 2nd baby in a year or two. If we stop at one, I would be satisfied with just DD. DH would like a second so she can have a sibling. (I am an only child.) DH jokes we should have a second so I can have one.

If we have 2, it would be nice to have a boy next time, but another girl would be fine too. (I’ve got tons of barely worn cute girl clothes.) I never knew how much I wanted a daughter until I had one.

One of my friends just had her third baby, and finally got the little girl she wanted. She and her DH did IVF so they could select the gender. After 2 boys, she really wanted a girl.

 

[October2008bride]

Although I''m not sure about kids at all, I''ve always had a preference for a girl, but only because I have had no experiences with boys - I''m one of 2 girls and my sister had 2 girls so I wouldn''t know what to do with a boy!!!

So ditto to those who mentioned that the gender preference is often connected to the life you picture - and that is often connected to the life or the experiences you''ve had.

Funny though - we only have a boy name picked out...

Ellen and Lindsey - beautiful, touching posts. Thank you.

 

[Ellen]

Date: 10/1/2009 10:06:16 AM
Author: Jas12
Ellen

the honesty in that made me tear up. And i think that the point Lindsey brings up is spot on. We have a dream that is just a projection of some relationship we want to have. It has nothing to do with the actual child we end up getting b/c we can never truly get the kid we ''ordered''

. And although we may mourn the gender we don''t get to experience, we love the kid we get, and we would never trade ''em in.

Indeed. Thanks jas.


And thank you Maderine and OBride also.

 

[decodelighted]

I hope reading threads like these help some folks become more empathetic. Harsh snap judgments say way more about the people making them than the folks being "judged".

Feelings just *are*. Crying isn''t "hysteria". And hormones are POWERFUL. I''m acquainted with a woman who experienced suicidal feelings during pregnancy. Have a field day with THAT Judge Judys.

 

[TravelingGal]

Date: 10/1/2009 10:06:16 AM
Author: Jas12
Ellen

the honesty in that made me tear up. And i think that the point Lindsey brings up is spot on. We have a dream that is just a projection of some relationship we want to have. It has nothing to do with the actual child we end up getting b/c we can never truly get the kid we ''ordered''

. And although we may mourn the gender we don''t get to experience, we love the kid we get, and we would never trade ''em in.

Ditto. Ellen, great post, thanks for sharing, and everyone else as well.

 

[MissChi]

I agree about envisioning your life a certain way...

I remember at my 20 week ultrasound when the tech said that it was a boy. For a brief moment it was like I saw our future flash before my eyes. I''ll admit that I was a little nervous about having/raising a boy because I only have one sister. However, now that I have my son I couldn''t imagine my life any differently.

 

[KimberlyH]

I think having experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage or early infant death colors many peoples' view of the subject. The desire to be able to carry and deliver a healthy baby far outweighs the importance of any sort of vision of raising a son or a daughter. Loss is so painful that sometimes feelings of desperation seep in and make it hard to empathize, or even sympathize, with someone else being devestated that their baby is healthy but not their gender preference.

Feelings just are (both for those who don't understand and those who can relate), it is what you do with those feelings that matters. Choosing to wallow in self pity isn't going to solve the situation, nor is harboring resentment for people who react strongly to finding out that their baby isn't the gender they prefer.

 

[mtjoya]

I am having a girl this February & wouldn''t care if it had been a boy. I am very happy and feel honored to be carrying this little angel. I have seen my aunt having been depressed about wanting kids and having miscarriages and never having one. I feel very lucky!

 

[TravelingGal]

msnbc just ran an article on this today.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33894375/ns/health-kids_and_parenting/

 

[rockpaperscissors67]

Wow, I didn''t see this thread before and I''m sorry I missed it because it''s quite interesting.

I really wanted a girl this time around, mostly to balance things out -- I''d have 3 girls and 3 boys. We''re having a boy and I was a bit disappointed when we found out. This is one reason I like being able to find out the gender before birth -- it gives you time to adjust.

It''s not that I prefer my daughters over my sons. Every single one of my kids has a different personality, so they can''t be lumped together by gender very easily. This little boy will be his own person and will be loved for who he is, not what gender he is. And, frankly, my boys are wonderful because they are all so incredibly protective of me!

My own father made it very clear that he would have preferred that I had been a boy, and I think that''s a huge problem. It''s one thing to have a preference for a gender and be disappointed, but get over it, and another thing to make a child aware of your disappointment.

The funniest thing that happened when the kids found out we''re having another boy is that my 14 year old son said, "Well, you could keep trying until you have another girl!"

 

[vespergirl]

We just recently found out that our second (and last) child will be another boy - there was definitely a different reaction to the news of the gender this time around, from everyone. The first time our preference was for a boy, and I "felt" like it was a boy from the start, so both DH and I were very excited when it was confirmed.

I have always just "felt" that I would have two boys, and always thought that I would prefer to have two boys, because I had a very rocky relationship with my mother growing up, and still do - I was afraid to have a girl, because I thought that she wouldn''t like me.

Even so, before we found out the gender, I found myself lingering in the baby girl clothes & nursery section at Babies R Us, thinking about how much fun it would be to buy dresses and sign up a girl for ballet classes. I think it''s natural to wonder "what if" for both genders - especially if you already have one gender, you wonder what it would be like to have the other.

Anyway, when we got the gender ultrasound, I was really happy (and kind of relieved) to find out we were having another boy - I thought my 3 year old son would be excited by having a little brother, and now I can reuse all that baby clothes piled up in the basement

My husband was clearly disappointed, though. He really wanted a girl this time, and my parents and in-laws also wanted a girl (so far there are no female grandchildren for either of them). So, it kind of put a damper on it for me that everyone else seemed less than thrilled with the results. I guess I wish that everyone else seemed more excited for our next little boy - I hope that no one lets him know that everyone else except me really wanted him to be a girl.

I told my husband that the baby factory is closed after this birth, though, so if he still really wants a little girl in a few years, I would consider adopting. However, I know that I will really be content with my two boys, as long as they''re healthy and happy.

 

[miraclesrule]

There is an article about "gender disappointment" on msnbc.com today. Interesting. I immediately thought that although the article states nobody likes to talk about, PS'ers do! We're such pioneers.