Pandora II
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2006
- Messages
- 9,613
Date: 9/28/2009 10:45:03 AM
Author: princesss
I don''t think it reflects poorly on a person to be disappointed by the sex of their child (or to have a preference). Yes, there are people that would love to have that problem and who have tried for years to have children, but that does not affect the person facing disappointment. They''re real emotions and need to be dealt with honestly in order to let them go and just enjoy the child you have. You have to let the dream die in order to appreciate the reality, and that is a process that does involve some mourning (at least, in what I''ve seen from other people, not being a mom myself).
Jas12 - Oh well!Date: 9/28/2009 10:44:12 AM
Author: Jas12
Italia & MC: ''not mature enough'' for children and ''selfish''? That is a tad judgemental & smug IMO.
I read somewhere that in anonymous surveys the majority of parents-to-be admit feeling a preference for a boy or a girl. Why wouldn''t we? We are human and it is only natural to project some degree of wants and dreams on children--regardless of whether this is right or wrong. Sometimes that preference is culturally based, some is b/c we buy into stereotypes or maybe it is because of past experience. I grew up with a sister. We are best friends and very close with my mom. When I found out i was pregnant to be honest i pictured and desired a girl. Not b/c i didn''t want a boy or would not love him, but just b/c in my mind i guess i wanted to re-create the wonderful family i have. I consider myself to be a rational, mature person so i understood these were just projections, but i still felt it. I now have a son and realize that bonds are not gender based and he is the absolute light of my life. I probably knew that would be the case when i was childless but i know that even more now. However, when your child is just an abstract idea, it''s only human to desire one gender (and all that label symbolizes) over the other.
Date: 9/28/2009 1:00:39 PM
Author: MC
Jas12 - Oh well!Date: 9/28/2009 10:44:12 AM
Author: Jas12
Italia & MC: ''not mature enough'' for children and ''selfish''? That is a tad judgemental & smug IMO.
I read somewhere that in anonymous surveys the majority of parents-to-be admit feeling a preference for a boy or a girl. Why wouldn''t we? We are human and it is only natural to project some degree of wants and dreams on children--regardless of whether this is right or wrong. Sometimes that preference is culturally based, some is b/c we buy into stereotypes or maybe it is because of past experience. I grew up with a sister. We are best friends and very close with my mom. When I found out i was pregnant to be honest i pictured and desired a girl. Not b/c i didn''t want a boy or would not love him, but just b/c in my mind i guess i wanted to re-create the wonderful family i have. I consider myself to be a rational, mature person so i understood these were just projections, but i still felt it. I now have a son and realize that bonds are not gender based and he is the absolute light of my life. I probably knew that would be the case when i was childless but i know that even more now. However, when your child is just an abstract idea, it''s only human to desire one gender (and all that label symbolizes) over the other.
I miscarried a pregnancy, so like Italia, I see babies as blessings. There is nothing wrong with hoping for a gender and finding out you''re having another. It is another thing to be ''depressed'' about it and letting fellow colleagues know about it. That''s disrespectful *to the child*. That''s like telling everyone the baby wasn''t planned. An, ''uh ooh.''
Mandarine - I REALLY do not want to start a quarell with you, I''m just thinking that the fact you started this thread, that you''re feeling a bit judgemental as well. If what your colleague said didn''t bother you, you wouldn''t be posting and trying to determine if those thoughts are inappropriate or not.
Like I said, I lost a baby. A few years after my sons were born, I became pregnant. The baby was a girl. I know that you and others could care less about my loss, but still it hurt me quite a bit. The pain of THAT will last a lifetime. . .maybe that is why I''m ''smug'' over the attitudes of others. I would be 100% happy regardless of what gender that baby would have been.
Oh, and interesting - I read in ''What to Expect When You''re Expecting,'' that over 90% (can''t remember the exact figure) of women have correct instinctual feelings about which gender their baby will be. I guess others may sense things as well. Odd situation - during the pregnancy I lost, my older son began talking about ''the baby.'' Funny thing is I didn''t even know I was pregnant yet!!!
oops, got mixed up there.Date: 9/28/2009 1:13:22 PM
Author: Mandarine
MC, I didn't start the thread...and I don't see how my response was judgemental at all.
I think it's perfectly fine to say you would be 100% fine...totally valid and I get it and believe it. What I personally don't agree with is people saying others are immature or selfish, etc for voicing their own opinion on how the would FEEL. Everyone is entitled to feel however the heck they want to feel, whether everyone likes it or not.
I hate that! I can''t put Sophia in any color besides pink, otherwise she becomes a he to strangers. If I do put on blue, I have to put a bow bigger than her head just to be clear that she''s my little princessDate: 9/28/2009 12:26:12 PM
Author: Pandora II
Totally agree on the ''cuter'' boy''s clothes. Daisy looksin pink, so I''m always putting her in blue to DH''s horror. He doesn''t like her in pink either, but feels the need to correct people who compliment our ''little boy''![]()
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It didn''t have to start a controversy. People were asked an honest question and we all answered honestly. I don''t think that anyone will ever doubt that children are a blessing. That doesn''t mean that their initial feelings should be discounted or that they are immature or selfish because of it.Date: 9/28/2009 1:26:26 PM
Author: MC
oops, got mixed up there.Date: 9/28/2009 1:13:22 PM
Author: Mandarine
MC, I didn''t start the thread...and I don''t see how my response was judgemental at all.
I think it''s perfectly fine to say you would be 100% fine...totally valid and I get it and believe it. What I personally don''t agree with is people saying others are immature or selfish, etc for voicing their own opinion on how the would FEEL. Everyone is entitled to feel however the heck they want to feel, whether everyone likes it or not.
On a side note - threads like this are bound to cause controversy. I question why they''re started to begin with.
Date: 9/28/2009 1:46:29 PM
Author: fiery
I hate that! I can''t put Sophia in any color besides pink, otherwise she becomes a he to strangers. If I do put on blue, I have to put a bow bigger than her head just to be clear that she''s my little princess![]()
For some reason the highlighted part made me LOLDate: 9/28/2009 2:48:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I have two cousins....
Cousin A: female, SAHM/ex professional ballerina, has four boys. First born, boy. They would have stopped at 2 children if the second one had been a girl. Scond born, boy. They would have stopped at the third if it had been a girl. Third born, boy. She said the fourth would be the last, but she still hoped for a girl. Obviously it was a boy.
Cousin B: male, doctor, has 3 girls and 1 boy. Wanted a boy to begin with. Had a girl. Had a second child, wanted a boy, got a girl. Cousin tells everyone that they WILL have kids until he gets his boy. Had a third child, got a girl. He continues his quest for ONE BOY. Finally the fourth child is a boy, and his wife can finally stop producing kids. They would have continued if it had not been a boy.
I was posting as you were typing. I don''t understand this mentality.Date: 9/28/2009 2:48:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I have two cousins....
Cousin A: female, SAHM/ex professional ballerina, has four boys. First born, boy. They would have stopped at 2 children if the second one had been a girl. Scond born, boy. They would have stopped at the third if it had been a girl. Third born, boy. She said the fourth would be the last, but she still hoped for a girl. Obviously it was a boy.
Cousin B: male, doctor, has 3 girls and 1 boy. Wanted a boy to begin with. Had a girl. Had a second child, wanted a boy, got a girl. Cousin tells everyone that they WILL have kids until he gets his boy. Had a third child, got a girl. He continues his quest for ONE BOY. Finally the fourth child is a boy, and his wife can finally stop producing kids. They would have continued if it had not been a boy.
Lol. It''s sadly true though. For a while many of us felt like he was using her as a breeder instead of a mother. Including his parents. It was rather hard to watch until that boy came around. His wife is a lovely woman though, and her children are positively wonderful, and so well behaved.Date: 9/28/2009 2:53:54 PM
Author: fiery
For some reason the highlighted part made me LOLDate: 9/28/2009 2:48:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I have two cousins....
Cousin A: female, SAHM/ex professional ballerina, has four boys. First born, boy. They would have stopped at 2 children if the second one had been a girl. Scond born, boy. They would have stopped at the third if it had been a girl. Third born, boy. She said the fourth would be the last, but she still hoped for a girl. Obviously it was a boy.
Cousin B: male, doctor, has 3 girls and 1 boy. Wanted a boy to begin with. Had a girl. Had a second child, wanted a boy, got a girl. Cousin tells everyone that they WILL have kids until he gets his boy. Had a third child, got a girl. He continues his quest for ONE BOY. Finally the fourth child is a boy, and his wife can finally stop producing kids. They would have continued if it had not been a boy.
I don''t get it either.Date: 9/28/2009 2:59:26 PM
Author: geckodani
I was posting as you were typing. I don''t understand this mentality.Date: 9/28/2009 2:48:45 PM
Author: FrekeChild
I have two cousins....
Cousin A: female, SAHM/ex professional ballerina, has four boys. First born, boy. They would have stopped at 2 children if the second one had been a girl. Scond born, boy. They would have stopped at the third if it had been a girl. Third born, boy. She said the fourth would be the last, but she still hoped for a girl. Obviously it was a boy.
Cousin B: male, doctor, has 3 girls and 1 boy. Wanted a boy to begin with. Had a girl. Had a second child, wanted a boy, got a girl. Cousin tells everyone that they WILL have kids until he gets his boy. Had a third child, got a girl. He continues his quest for ONE BOY. Finally the fourth child is a boy, and his wife can finally stop producing kids. They would have continued if it had not been a boy.![]()
And the previous phrase made me laugh as well, LOL.
Wow, that story made my jaw drop. The nerve of some people!Date: 9/28/2009 3:35:20 PM
Author: qtiekiki
All these stories reminded me about DH''s aunt. She is in her early fifties. She has 3 girls, oldest is 22 and youngest is 13. A couple years ago, her inlaws hinted to her husband that they should have another baby, so they can have a boy. I guess they said no b/c the aunt is already in her late 40''s/early 50''s. I don''t know the exact convo. Then the inlaws told her husband to get another woman (younger woman), so he can have a boy. The aunt was laughing when she was telling us, but I can''t imagine that she wasn''t mad when she first heard it. So crazy that they would suggest that. It''s horrible.