Wedding Gift Spat - Out of Control

[canuk-gal]

HI ET:

Would you mind re-gifting those to me?

cheers--Sharon

Seriously, I'm up for taking those too! [/quote]

lol!! I've actually used them twice when we were first married my DH reminded me.

They are actually quite pretty I found this picture online of them. It's from some gourmet sleuth website they retail for $160. So what's that in 1979 money???
Gee now that I've seen them again I'm going to use them this weekend. DH and I are empty nesters so we are working on doing nice Saturday night dinners[/quote]


HI:

Oh no, you don't like them. You really don't. Please, let me help you out of your trouble--send them directly to me! And in the spirit of this thread, I intend to display my best trash talk to ILander should she attempt to muscle in on my action

cheers--Sharon

 

[AGBF]

One of the first postings in this thread alluded to Miss Manners (Judith Martin). Although, apparently, Emily Post approves of giving cash as a wedding gift, Miss Manners really does not. I would not go so far as to say that she disapproves of giving it; she does disapprove of asking for it, in any way whatsoever. She also deplores the fact that cash has replaced actual, personal gifts in many venues, not only for weddings.

Here is an excerpt:

You would think that Miss Manners ran the billing department. Here is a small sample of the messages that keep peppering her inbox.

“We are attending a wedding this weekend and want to give the couple money for a wedding present. What is the appropriate amount to give?”

“What is the expected amount of a gift card when the baby is not related?”

“How much money should you give to a niece for high school graduation?”

“What is considered today as an appropriate monetary wedding gift for a single male attending a large wedding (120 plus people) of his best friend’s daughter?”

“Will be attending a wedding of my grandson at a park with a picnic to follow. What is the correct cash gift etiquette?”

“What is an appropriate amount of money to give a high school graduate who is your husband’s best client’s daughter. We are attending a party in her honor, too. $50 or $100?”

Miss Manners has a question of her own:

What do these people expect? A firm amount, such as “$129.99 for weddings with $17 bonus if wedding dinner is edible”? A formula, such as “one-fifth of a percent of your disposable income for a baby who is related; one-tenth of a percent for one who is not”?

The sad thing that they do expect is that they are obligated to pay people for passing Go, and that there are understood to be admission fees for attending any related events. This is what the ancient and noble customs of giving presents and providing hospitality have come to: How much do I owe?

That is something people all have to decide for themselves. Any formula made without knowing the giver’s financial circumstances and the type and depth of the relationship to the recipient would be meaningless.

But then, giving friends and relatives money has rendered a charming gesture meaningless.

(snip)

And while they don’t yet realize it, all of them will miss the warm pleasure of living with little things associated with warm relationships.

If there is any warmth behind “OK, how much do I owe?” Miss Manners has missed it.

and here is a link to the column she wrote on the subject:

Miss Manners on Cash Gifts...http://www.spokesman.com/stories/2010/sep/27/give-gift-presents-not-cash/

Deb/AGBF

Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend

 

[LoveLikeCrazy]

Speaking of people expecting other people to fund their wedding, my best friend is getting married and her FI refused to spend any money. In fact, he said that HE would go ask her father for money if she didn't. (I won't even get into the reasons why she shouldn't be with this dude). To this day, their wedding has been totally funded by family members and my friend. Her FI only offered her $500 (after her pleading) and she contributed over 4x that amount. Clearly there's other issues. ANYWAYS! They made a honeymoon fund which in fact won't be a "honeymoon" as they don't plan to take the trip till next year(their wedding is this year)!!! Ok so, instead of "gifts" they want money for their "honeymoon". But again. Her FI refuses to spend ANY money and expects it to be funded by guests. Mind you, they chose their wedding in a touristy area where people have to pay an expensive flight and hotel to attend.

I REFUSE to pay for someone's honeymoon esp knowing they paid a fraction if the cost of the wedding. And TBH, because its an "account" that's not attached to a travel agent, it's essentially like a bank account and money can be removed whenever they want. Money has already been removed and it was not for the trip. Another peeve is giving money intended for one thing under false pretenses. So I've decided I will not be contributing to ANY fund and I will be buying and sending a gift instead.

 

[rainwood]

My favorite part of the whole kerfuffle is that the complaining bride (the other bride wisely chose not to be heard from) took some of the stuff out of the basket before she took the picture so it would look worse than it actually was. So don't judge on the photo alone.

I'm an old, but I do have some sympathy for those getting married these days. Their expectations are much higher now than they were when I got married in the 70's. Weddings were not such a big deal and no woman I know thought of it as her chance to be a princess for a day or something she'd been dreaming of/planning for her whole life. No bride then was expected to devote so much time to finding the perfect dress and having that "moment" when they found the "one" then waiting 8 or 9 months while they make it. We bought off the rack when we found a dress we liked.

I know it can be different based on culture or location, but my wedding was typical middle-class for our area and our circle of friends in the 70's. The ceremony was in a church at 7:30 so no sit-down dinner. We had heavy hors d'oeuvres and the beverages were wine, beer, coffee, tea and water, plus wedding cake and one champagne toast. No open bar or special wedding cocktail. No band, no DJ, everything done by 11:00 p.m. No mani-pedi's, no professional makeup, the whole bridal party did their own hair and make-up. The party favors were almonds in those little net packets tied with ribbons. The bachelorette party was a dinner out, not a weekend in Vegas. No wedding planner, no engagement photo shoot, no tropical or European honeymoon, no limo. We paid for a lot of it ourselves even though I was in law school.

To the younger women, this might sound like a bore but I had a lovely wedding and we'll be celebrating our 35th anniversary in August so it accomplished the intended purpose. I wouldn't want to be a bride these days for anything. It's so much money and stress and trouble when it could be so much simpler. I hate to see people spend $150 a plate when the food is rarely extraordinary enough to be worth that much or watch people get plastered at an open bar just because the drinks are free. It would be nice to reverse all the expectations so people don't feel they have to do all that, and use that money to pay student loan debt or save for a down payment.

 

[Skippy123]

Speaking of people expecting other people to fund their wedding, my best friend is getting married and her FI refused to spend any money. In fact, he said that HE would go ask her father for money if she didn't. (I won't even get into the reasons why she shouldn't be with this dude). To this day, their wedding has been totally funded by family members and my friend. Her FI only offered her $500 (after her pleading) and she contributed over 4x that amount. Clearly there's other issues. ANYWAYS! They made a honeymoon fund which in fact won't be a "honeymoon" as they don't plan to take the trip till next year(their wedding is this year)!!! Ok so, instead of "gifts" they want money for their "honeymoon". But again. Her FI refuses to spend ANY money and expects it to be funded by guests. Mind you, they chose their wedding in a touristy area where people have to pay an expensive flight and hotel to attend.

I REFUSE to pay for someone's honeymoon esp knowing they paid a fraction if the cost of the wedding. And TBH, because its an "account" that's not attached to a travel agent, it's essentially like a bank account and money can be removed whenever they want. Money has already been removed and it was not for the trip. Another peeve is giving money intended for one thing under false pretenses. So I've decided I will not be contributing to ANY fund and I will be buying and sending a gift instead.

wow that is crazy! I also think weddings some how bring out the worst in people! I have noticed people really act horrible at their own wedding when normally they wouldn't.

Gosh, I didn't expect my parents to pay for our wedding at all. My parents did pay for the meal (they insisted) which was super generous of them but we (my husband and I together) paid for everything else.

The OP's post about the story just shows how entitled and selfish people can be.

 

[Skippy123]

I'm an old, but I do have some sympathy for those getting married these days. Their expectations are much higher now than they were when I got married in the 70's. Weddings were not such a big deal and no woman I know thought of it as her chance to be a princess for a day or something she'd been dreaming of/planning for her whole life. No bride then was expected to devote so much time to finding the perfect dress and having that "moment" when they found the "one" then waiting 8 or 9 months while they make it. We bought off the rack when we found a dress we liked.

My mom said for their wedding they just had cake and punch at the church hall next year; they did have a beautiful wedding but you bring up an interesting point about how weddings have evolved.

 

[NOYFB]

I kinda am of the mind if you're over 18 and out of your parents house, it's not up to ME to "help give the couple a start in their life"..it's THEIR LIFE together, I shouldn't be factored into it. Like aw crap way to go PACKRAT ya ole cheap skate, now our marriage is totally gonna suck and we'll end up yelling at each other every night and how'm I sposed to pay my cable bill if you can't give me a good start on my damn marriage huh? huh?

Please.

And I don't care what the gifts are-I'm putting on a party for people I WANT to be there, that I know will be thrilled and excited for me in this big event in my life, I'm supposed to be an adult not a simpering brat that stomps her feet b/c she didn't get what she wanted. People don't HAVE to give gifts. There is no law on the books like the cops are going to come haul your a$$ to jail b/c you didn't bring a gift-maybe you couldn't afford it, there are plenty of reasons-we're basically hand to mouth right now, and I'm pretty sure the bride at the wedding we're attending in a couple weeks would much rather we come and have a good time, support them and celebrate their big day, than tell my kids "Sorry, mommy's lead teacher needs a wedding gift so we can't afford groceries this week" Um-duh?

I don't think the gift was inappropriate or thoughtless. Inappropriate and/or thoughtless would be more like say...a tube of KY or a box of Cap'n Crunch and jug of milk. I think the person put some effort into the gift-it's not like it was the Time Life 80's Country Collection or something, yanno?

ETA I get the whole culture thing. But if you invite people who are not of your culture or are not familiar w/your culture, then suck it up and deal w/it. Do we now need to put our lineage on our invitations and tell people to google what is appropriate for our cultures??? Good heavens. I didn't know that about Jewish gifts, that's interesting. But I wouldn't have known it and would go to a Jewish wedding and give some nice Tupperware.

I saw this story earlier today and posted it to my FB to gather the thoughts of my friends because I was a little confused by it myself. But, after reading the whole story, and the subsequent stories that followed, I have to say that I agree 100% with packrat and anything else I'd have to say on this matter would probably get me banned from the boards, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

 

[Sky56]

I never have heard of such of thing before. When we got married, I just wanted my long-ago 1980's wedding to be fun for the guests, with great food, and I had no thoughts about what I'd get in return for it. I admit that I received a few gifts which were "tackier" than that gift basket such as the $10 bill in a card sent by a multi-millionaire aunt. I had no idea if it was meant as a snub, or what it meant, if anything!

Also, many years ago, I committed a grave faux-pas unknowingly...I thought I was giving the bride a most wonderful home-made personal gift - a cassette tape I spent hours on making a compilation of romantic songs. It looked really cheap and awful to the bride, and I had regrets later though at the time I thought it was a great gift!! She never said anything about it to me, but our friendship ended shortly thereafter, and I bet that was why. I'm embarrassed to admit it here, but my point is that the gift basket was a great gift in comparison.

Anyway, I sent kind thank-you notes to all my wedding gift-givers, never would dream of complaining.

 

[AGBF]

Also, many years ago, I committed a grave faux-pas unknowingly...I thought I was giving the bride a most wonderful home-made personal gift - a cassette tape I spent hours on making a compilation of romantic songs. It looked really cheap and awful to the bride, and I had regrets later though at the time I thought it was a great gift!! She never said anything about it to me, but our friendship ended shortly thereafter, and I bet that was why. I'm embarrassed to admit it here, but my point is that the gift basket was a great gift in comparison.

That's something I might have done at a young age if left to my own devices. I think you are amazing to own up to it here, though. You are truly adorable!

Big hugs,
Deb

 

[arkieb1]

Maybe we should take a poll - I bet its pretty normal to get at least one ordinary gift from at least one wedding guest....

 

[packrat]

LM, I've typed out a few other responses for this thread and then thought mmmmmmaaaaaybe it's just better if I just click out of this, so I feel ya!

 

[junebug17]

I think the bride was very rude and way out of line. A gift should just be accepted, a thank you given, and that's it. She shouldn't have an expensive wedding and assume the guests are going to help her pay for it. And to actually verbalize it? Very tacky.

Even though this apparently is a big no-no to say in this thread, I do think that gift was pretty bad! Fluff and gummy bears for a wedding present? This could have been bought at any 7 eleven. I think more thought and effort to give something a little special should go into a wedding gift. But I think this couple would have had an issue with any gift, since they were obsessed with getting cash. And I repeat...this doesn't justify how the bride behaved.

 

[rosetta]

I think the bride was very rude and way out of line. A gift should just be accepted, a thank you given, and that's it. She shouldn't have an expensive wedding and assume the guests are going to help her pay for it. And to actually verbalize it? Very tacky.

Even though this apparently is a big no-no to say in this thread, I do think that gift was pretty bad! Fluff and gummy bears for a wedding present? This could have been bought at any 7 eleven. I think more thought and effort to give something a little special should go into a wedding gift. But I think this couple would have had an issue with any gift, since they were obsessed with getting cash. And I repeat...this doesn't justify how the bride behaved.

Yes the gift was truly awful. But I agree: the bride responded in kind, and stooped to her guests' level! Neither party comes out looking good here...

 

[AGBF]

I think the bride was very rude and way out of line. A gift should just be accepted, a thank you given, and that's it. She shouldn't have an expensive wedding and assume the guests are going to help her pay for it. And to actually verbalize it? Very tacky.

Even though this apparently is a big no-no to say in this thread, I do think that gift was pretty bad! Fluff and gummy bears for a wedding present? This could have been bought at any 7 eleven. I think more thought and effort to give something a little special should go into a wedding gift. But I think this couple would have had an issue with any gift, since they were obsessed with getting cash. And I repeat...this doesn't justify how the bride behaved.

Yes the gift was truly awful. But I agree: the bride responded in kind, and stooped to her guests' level! Neither party comes out looking good here...

rosetta-

I love you and you are usually a class act. I cannot believe what you just wrote. Once again I feel like smashing my head.

A guest gives a gift (and one poster mentioned that before she photographed it the bride actually removed items from it to make it look more paltry, but that is immaterial except in how it reflects on the bride's character).

The bride then insults the guest for the gift by mail and publicly humiliates the guest by displaying the gift.

And you call the bride's behavior "stooping to the guest's level"?

Because the guest gave a gift that wasn't expensive enough? That was the guest's heinous behavior?

I cannot believe it!

AGBF

 

[rosetta]

I think the bride was very rude and way out of line. A gift should just be accepted, a thank you given, and that's it. She shouldn't have an expensive wedding and assume the guests are going to help her pay for it. And to actually verbalize it? Very tacky.

Even though this apparently is a big no-no to say in this thread, I do think that gift was pretty bad! Fluff and gummy bears for a wedding present? This could have been bought at any 7 eleven. I think more thought and effort to give something a little special should go into a wedding gift. But I think this couple would have had an issue with any gift, since they were obsessed with getting cash. And I repeat...this doesn't justify how the bride behaved.

Yes the gift was truly awful. But I agree: the bride responded in kind, and stooped to her guests' level! Neither party comes out looking good here...

rosetta-

I love you and you are usually a class act. I cannot believe what you just wrote. Once again I feel like smashing my head.

A guest gives a gift (and one poster mentioned that before she photographed it the bride actually removed items from it to make it look more paltry, but that is immaterial except in how it reflects on the bride's character).

The bride then insults the guest for the gift by mail and publicly humiliates the guest by displaying the gift.

And you call the bride's behavior "stooping to the guest's level"?

Because the guest gave a gift that wasn't expensive enough? That was the guest's heinous behavior?

I cannot believe it!

AGBF

Hmm. I've not phrased it right. The bride was definitely worse, and should have just kept her mouth shut. I made it sound like the poor gift justified the bride's behaviour, and that's not what I meant.

But I really don't think a basket of processed, snack foods is an appropriate wedding gift. Nothing to do with the cost. It's not a thoughtful gift. It's just a bunch of food you could pick up during any supermarket shopping trip. I would never give this as a wedding gift myself, and so I'm not going to pretend it's all of a sudden a perfectly acceptable wedding gift for someone else to give. We may have to agree to disagree on this!

 

[Laila619]

Any gift should be graciously accepted. Gifts aren't even a requirement. Some people go to weddings and give nothing. I don't agree that the gift was bad, but even if it was (which is subjective), rudeness is never okay. The bride was out of line, while the wedding guest was not.

 

[Sky56]

Thanks, Deb for the kind words!

 

[crown1]

This situation was covered years ago when this phrase originated: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth". With some people it is all about them. Any reason to turn the situation into a slight or disservice to them. I find it personally distasteful to hear how much one is spending on wedding meals and how they need to be compensated for them. It is not about how fancy or how much. It is supposed to be about love and the celebration of love. If I was asked for one piece of advice from a bride I would say make it about the love. When most of your time is gone it will not be the wedding gifts or cash that you will remember. That is a promise.

 

[gemtastic]

This story is a nice reminder as to why my husband and I eloped.....we had a "reception/party" later that we split the cost with my parents.
When we were engaged, he was 39 and I was 33, both with careers, households, etc. We decided NOT to register as we did not need a third blender/toaster oven/set of dishes. We ended up eloping as family was crazy.....Plus we didn't really want our friends and family to be gifting us "stuff".
A. We didn't need more crapola
2. It would be super weird for our friends or family to give us cash $$
We ended up with a lot of random gifts.....who cares???? The best gift we received was a donation in our names to Operation Smile. Left to their own devices, our friends and family sent us a variety of gifts.....it was exciting to see what they would choose for us. So we do have A LOT of giant silver serving spoons. Lots of our friends/family that came to our party didn't give gifts, and we didn't expect it. We don't NEED anything from them. We just wanted people to come and have a great time.
The whole wedding industry is disgusting to me and seems a giant waste of money. I would never drop that much cash on a 4-6 hour moment in my life. Nor would I expect anyone else to bank roll that kind of excess/gluttony.
If you have a $150-200 plate dinner, I expect that you should be rolling in extra cash and just looking for a way to get rid of it--just don't expect me to bankroll it.
The bride is just filling the expected roll created by reality TV.......she probably doesn't know how to behave any differently, doesn't realize how wrong she is, and that is really sad. My parents would light me on fire for that kind of behavior.

 

[aljdewey]

actually, this has for a very long time been true: it was the same way in 1967 and i'm betting it was the same way in 1957 and 1947........

Okay, but this is in addition to all the crazy raised prices of weddings. Weddings did not cost a bajillion bucks in 1967, 57, or 47. [/quote]

Any guesses on why weddings didn't cost a bajillion bucks then? I have a few......

People had backyard bridal showers instead of demanding that their bride's attendants foot $200/each to have a hosted lunch at a restaurant.

Most weddings didn't have ice sculptures, chocolate fountains, outrageous fancy hotels, destination weddings, tiaras, etc etc. I could expand the list, but the point I'm really getting at is that most people's weddings were about getting married with family and friends. They weren't about how to outdo every other wedding that has ever been held in the universe.

It's also worth pointing out that while weddings cost much more today, salaries are also much higher too.

 

[AGBF]

Any guesses on why weddings didn't cost a bajillion bucks then? I have a few......

People had backyard bridal showers instead of demanding that their bride's attendants foot $200/each to have a hosted lunch at a restaurant.

Most weddings didn't have ice sculptures, chocolate fountains, outrageous fancy hotels, destination weddings, tiaras, etc etc. I could expand the list, but the point I'm really getting at is that most people's weddings were about getting married with family and friends. They weren't about how to outdo every other wedding that has ever been held in the universe.

It's also worth pointing out that while weddings cost much more today, salaries are also much higher too.

Hi, alj! When I saw you had posted, I was delighted. I didn't know what you had said, but I knew it would be sensible. So nice to see you posting in Hangout!

Deb

 

[monarch64]

This story is a nice reminder as to why my husband and I eloped.....we had a "reception/party" later that we split the cost with my parents.
When we were engaged, he was 39 and I was 33, both with careers, households, etc. We decided NOT to register as we did not need a third blender/toaster oven/set of dishes. We ended up eloping as family was crazy.....Plus we didn't really want our friends and family to be gifting us "stuff".
A. We didn't need more crapola
2. It would be super weird for our friends or family to give us cash $$
We ended up with a lot of random gifts.....who cares???? The best gift we received was a donation in our names to Operation Smile. Left to their own devices, our friends and family sent us a variety of gifts.....it was exciting to see what they would choose for us. So we do have A LOT of giant silver serving spoons. Lots of our friends/family that came to our party didn't give gifts, and we didn't expect it. We don't NEED anything from them. We just wanted people to come and have a great time.
The whole wedding industry is disgusting to me and seems a giant waste of money. I would never drop that much cash on a 4-6 hour moment in my life. Nor would I expect anyone else to bank roll that kind of excess/gluttony.
If you have a $150-200 plate dinner, I expect that you should be rolling in extra cash and just looking for a way to get rid of it--just don't expect me to bankroll it.
The bride is just filling the expected roll created by reality TV.......she probably doesn't know how to behave any differently, doesn't realize how wrong she is, and that is really sad. My parents would light me on fire for that kind of behavior.

Thank you.

 

[mrscushion]

I think the bride is absolutely in the wrong -- couldn't be more wrong. She's also a spoiled, stupid brat with not a semblance of manners. If I were her parent, I'd be ashamed of myself. If I were her friend, I'd also be ashamed.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Am I the only one that thinks the gift really IS out of line? Really? Gummy bears, chips, and marshmallow spread? What fancy salsa? I don't even see salsa. I see chips and an off-brand marshmallow spread. I seriously think the giver was TRYING to piss someone off with the gag gift! A way to get someone that's a talker to talk a lot, then share with the news how horrible the friend was, me thinks.


Everybody wants their 15 minutes of fame.

Er, well, you know, I think people expecting hundreds of dollars for gifts is ridiculous! We don't go to very many weddings and knowing that people would expect hundreds of dollars makes me VERY glad we don't get invited. I spend hundreds a year on my kids' friends' b-day gifts and you know, I'd RATHER spend it on kids than adults who have unrealistic demands.

That said, yes, that was a horrible gift basket. I'm not a super high-maintainance person, but I saw the items in the gift basket and they reminded me of candy (like Jolly Rangers) that would be stocking stuffers' for my kids. If they wanted to give a gift basket, why not wine and cheese? Something for ADULTS, not kids!

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Any gift should be graciously accepted. Gifts aren't even a requirement. Some people go to weddings and give nothing. I don't agree that the gift was bad, but even if it was (which is subjective), rudeness is never okay. The bride was out of line, while the wedding guest was not.

I'm reading posts out of order I do agree that regardless of the gift, sending a rude text isn't acceptable.

Now I'm wondering about a gift I gave at a shower a little under a month ago. The gal never sent a thank you card to me. Does this mean it's not good enough?

 

[ame]

The gift to me looks like a picnic basket gift, and a really nice basket, even.

I don't get the whole using-your-wedding-as-a-money-making-scheme business and expecting someone's gift to equal what you've paid out for their meal in the headcount. That sounds like less of a relationship to the next level event, and more of a couple of conmen scamming people in hopes of a good payoff. Yes, some folks will give money period. I often do, but I do also look at the registry to see if I can get them an actual item. Register for what you want to have in your new home to start your lives together, and don't be a tool and have a tiny registry hoping that will tell people to give you money. That tells me "get them whatever I want that ISN'T money because they clearly don't care what they get" and not "send money because that's what they're fishing for." If people give you money, great, if not, get the F over it. Same for things that are off-registry, as annoying as that is. We're your family and hopefully your dearest friends. If you don't want us there to celebrate your relationship, don't invite us. We're not your bankroll, don't invite people to give you gifts or money.

 

[partgypsy]

...............And won't us younger gen's be condemned, called rude, whatever, for pulling a faux pas like NOT inviting our work friends? Our church friends? Our old classmates? Our parents' friends? Our aunts and uncles that we haven't seen in decades? Yes. We're called rude. So then we have an option of not having a wedding altogether. Oh, but then the rumors fly that the only reason the couple is getting married is because of *whisper whisper whisper*. She must be pregnant. He must be losing his job and needs to get under her health insurance. Something *must* have happened. Another option is to elope. OH BUT HOW COULD THEY How could they do this to their loved ones and families, who have been waiting their whole lives to watch them marry? Another option would be to take out loans or to borrow money from family. Did we not just have recent threads about how stupid that is?.....................

actually, this has for a very long time been true: it was the same way in 1967 and i'm betting it was the same way in 1957 and 1947........

Okay, but this is in addition to all the crazy raised prices of weddings. Weddings did not cost a bajillion bucks in 1967, 57, or 47. So if the whole generation is going to be rude, why not just not care about the "rude" label anymore and just do whatever we want, traditional manners be damned?

And why do you think that was? Because we had modest weddings back then. We weren't out to impress our competitive, judgemental friends, and we didn't feel this weird peer pressure: "If Jessica has a 4 piece band, and Mr Fancy Pants catering, my friends (frenemies) will look down on me if I don't do at least that." A wedding is a celebration of a union, not a spend-fest to impress people. True friends will love you if you're married by a justice of the peace. As for all those work friends? Give it 5 years, with job changes and attrition, you'll never see any of them again. Tell all those workmates, classmates, etc., "It's a small family wedding," and they'll think about it for 5 minutes, and then forget all about it. Who cares? They can suck it.

A clearance wedding dress, a small church wedding, a reception at someone's lovely home. Where's the $30K? Why the $30K?

If someone Chooses to have a big wedding, and can't really afford it, then that's just foolish.

I totally agree with you. If you are having a expensive wedding you cannot afford because of, peer pressure, that's immature. I've been to plenty of weddings that I know didn't come close to 30K and had the family and large circle of friends. Just like people don't need to buy a 30K car, you don't need to spend 30K on a wedding!

 

[KaeKae]

So, over the years, we've gone from invited guests may bring a celebratory gift for the couple, to (for some) gifts should be cash to cover the cost of the guest's meal, to gifts are to make money for the couple? Oh, my.

Tomorrow is our 24 anniversary. Looks like we got married much too soon.

Is any one else hoping that this story is actually an urban legend?

 

[crown1]

.

And won't us younger gen's be condemned, called rude, whatever, for pulling a faux pas like NOT inviting our work friends? Our church friends? Our old classmates? Our parents' friends? Our aunts and uncles that we haven't seen in decades? Yes. We're called rude. So then we have an option of not having a wedding altogether. Oh, but then the rumors fly that the only reason the couple is getting married is because of *whisper whisper whisper*. She must be pregnant. He must be losing his job and needs to get under her health insurance. Something *must* have happened. Another option is to elope. OH BUT HOW COULD THEY How could they do this to their loved ones and families, who have been waiting their whole lives to watch them marry? Another option would be to take out loans or to borrow money from family. Did we not just have recent threads about how stupid that is?



Also remember that the average 25 year old doesn't have as much money to their name anymore. We're all pursuing higher education because we need to. Because it's too darn hard to get a job anymore without higher ed. So we take out loans for school, and don't work full-time. And then we get yelled at by our family that we are of marrying age, and still aren't married. WITH WHAT MONEY?

Way I see it is, no matter what, no matter how anyone this generation decides to get married.. We get condemned. So whatever if people get pissed about the wanting of $ > gifts. It's getting more and more popular because people need it, and a basket of chips and marshmallows isn't going to pay the wedding bill. So a lot of us young people just don't give a rat's behind about being thought rude. We all wear the F word on our foreheads and go on about whatever makes us happy for the moment.



Really? I have not encountered this type of situation. I don't know people who are that involved in others weddings or really care to get involved that deeply unless it is family. I do wonder if not giving a rat's behind about being thought rude, and wearing the F word on one's forehead and going on about whatever makes one happy for the moment, is going to make for a happy life. I would not think it a great way to start married life. But i do admit to having married ages ago. I was not one of the brides who had to contend with the depression, the world wars, etc. Many generations have had trials to contend with. I do feel for the current generations woes but it is not an excuse for poor behavior. There are tons of very creative ladies out there and I know they are up for the challenge as in past times. It will take some work and compromise. The early lean years are often some of the happiest.

 

[jewelangel]

I agree with those who think this bride is in EXTREMELY poor taste.

Personally I have been giving cash gifts between 50 - 100 $ per guest - as I know these shin digs are expensive (but again I give what we might spend on a special night out for dinner - not what they chose to spend per plate/person) - unless the bride is a dear friend and I know an appropriate gift. AND I suggest they spend it on their honeymoon doing something special and memorable. (my husband and I went on a carriage ride - then brought home an artist's drawing of a carriage in that city - which is on our family room wall even now)

Is it completely lost on everyone the BASKET itself? It looks like a longaberger - those are worth 200 dollars or more! Also - I can see one oil (kinda looks like a 9.00 bottle from Pampered Chef - which is delicious!) The rest of the gourmet goodies seem to be hidden by the inexpensive "treats" - which - lets be honest - sometimes we just want to have a little junk food feast in front of the telly!

And maybe that was the whole point of the gift - cuddle up with your new hubby, relax and enjoy each other after all the hectic-ness of a wedding!

Unfortunately this will not be the last "bridezilla" we hear about.