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Wedding Gift Spat - Out of Control

Dude, stand down. I'm not saying the young'uns are engaging in cannibalism.

(I'm not even admitting I'm not one of the young'uns any more, at my ripe old age of 34.)

(Can't make me.)

I'm just saying that this particular bride seems to have been smoking some of the booger sugar to have made an embarrassing implicit expectation explicit.

Did I implicitly want a unicorn on my special day? YES.

Would I have looked like a fool if I explicitly pouted when it didn't show up ... well, also yes.

If we're in the middle of a social change-over, as occurs with the passage of time, so be it. But it looks really silly when people lash out at members of their own cohort. If you want to tell off Aunt Mildred, who thinks that sort of gift basket is cool according to 1977 dollars ... oh, wait, no one does, because then it becomes apparent it's inappropriate. If Aunt Mildred's daughter Hilda operates according to the same mindset, but happens to belong to your generation? Dude, invite her if you love her, don't if she's a drag, but you can't make it conditional according to some set of standards that won't fully permeate society until your great-grand-babies day!
 
I think the gift was tacky and so was the brides reply! Both pretty crummy actually... :lol:
 
[quote="madelise|1371784218|3469777Okay, but this is in addition to all the crazy raised prices of weddings. Weddings did not cost a bajillion bucks in 1967, 57, or 47. So if the whole generation is going to be rude, why not just not care about the "rude" label anymore and just do whatever we want, traditional manners be damned?

I'm not talking about this specific duo of friends. I'm talking about the whole anti-money registry. Yes, it should be done in a tactful way, like maybe by word of mouth or by a wedding website… definitely not ON the wedding invitation itself. But why shouldn't one want money > gift?[/quote]


in 1947 minimum wage was $.75 per hour.
people didn't make $30k per year.....heck most didn't even make $1000 per month!
$100 is like $1000 now.

I erased my original response because I know i'm blunt and that was even too blunt for me....and please remember i'm making my comments "in general" and am not pointing to anyone specific.

so here's the short version: the commercialization of weddings has resulted in over priced dresses, food, cakes, etc. asking for cash is in my eyes just further commercialization and I don't want to participate in it. my choice. loaded down with student debt but still planning a big wedding? I don't want to pay for that debt or the wedding. my $ and I get to choose how I spend it. I didn't create the debt and its not my responsibility to make the bride's dream come true. that is the responsibility of the bride and groom and their immediate and perhaps even extended families. if they wish to invite people to celebrate the couple's marriage, then do so....but asking for cash is not in my book a celebration but a fundraiser.

others may see it differently. others may be ok with asking for cash. but I won't attend those "celebrations" and I won't be sending a check. I live within my means and I hope my friends and family do the same.

eta: it is indeed a different time and things over time do change. those that are comfortable asking for cash will do so. those that don't want to give cash won't. its really that simple.
 
Erm, you don't have to spend $30k on a wedding. 30k is still a great deal of money these days (hey, it'll still buy you a nice rock!) I'd say if you're expecting the guests to cover your costs, you certainly can't afford a 30k wedding. Having student loans, other debts etc is beside the point. No one is entitled to a lavish, or even an average wedding. You can only have the wedding you can afford. So don't throw a hissy fit if your guests aren't bankrolling your big day.

And before anyone accuses me of being old: I got married two years ago. The gifts, although many were very nice, didn't even come close to covering the cost.
 
Do people have no sense of decency or manners anymore???? :errrr:

There is never any excuse to tell a guest their gift was inadequate. A food gift basket is maybe not the most desirable gift, but maybe it was all the couple could afford. EVERY gift should be graciously acknowledged.

All I can say is, I'd regret having given them the food basket in the first place, because I wouldn't want such selfish, ungrateful people as friends after the way they acted!!!

I won't get into cost of weddings, but like anything else, I think people should only do what they can comfortably afford. Those who go into debt for a wedding or expect the guests to pay for their plate are very unwise, in my opinion. And when my daughter got married, there was no one there that she or her husband did not know. The guest list was made up entirely of the people they love, friends and family! We didn't worry about the rest of the world!
 
maccers|1371786756|3469792 said:
I think rude behaviour is found across all generations but it comes in different forms. I had a conversation yesterday with a colleague, she got married in her late 20s (she's now mid30s). She didn't want to have a bridal shower but her mother insisted because that's how it's done in their community. There was a picture of the bride and groom to be at the entryway and my poor colleague had to listen to whispers among the older women about 'how dark' her Fiancé's skin colour was and watch them frown in confusion and disapproval. They hadn't realized she was marrying someone half-Asian.

Is everyone in an 'older' generation prejudice or discriminatory? No, of course not. And the same is true of younger generations with regard to being manner-less and tactless.

Sorry. I'm not going to let that specious reasoning go by. It implies that my saying that observed behavior (younger posters having failed to be vociferous about manners in this thread) was analagous to my being silent about racism because someone else, who was racist, happens to be old That would mean that if one old person is racist, all old people must be racist, which is very faulty logic!

If anyone whispered about skin color in my presence, I wouldn't be a vocal or a silent (and complicit) co-conspirator. I am white and now carry an NAACP card rather than a Black Panther card (well...they never had those but when I was young I supported them). If you don't know who the Black Panthers were, look them up. I may not have been wise when I was young, but no one can say I lacked enthusiasm! I actually managed to get my picture into the Black Panthers' newspaper.

No one brought up race here.

Deb
:saint:
 
iLander|1371777847|3469709 said:
Dancing Fire|1371776768|3469698 said:
For our wedding one of my friend gifted us 6 plastic cups (no wrapping) with a 98 cents K-Mart tag still attached.

We got the world's largest silver plated spoon. The thing was over 15 inches long and we've never used it.

I sent a very sincere thank you note.


I got married 13 years ago. Back then, generally you didn't ask for money and we had a gift registry for people that asked, we didn't insist on anyone feeling pressured to buy us anything or spend x or y. I agree with most others on here the aim of a wedding is to share the day with the people that matter in your life, not to score money or gifts or to pay for some of the costs of the wedding.

Having said that, seriously we got some blooper gifts. A weird glass thing that looks like it had been a gift passed on via several weddings that had a wick in it but you couldn't stand it up and no oil to burn to go with it, but if you did put oil in it to burn it, it would tip out and probably set your house on fire or burn you.... Another glass lamp thingy that come from the local junk shop that cost probably around $10.00. A cheap set of glasses. A $15.00 towel set....

Our wedding was a lot of money per head. I sent everyone thank you cards, even the gift givers that were blooper gifts, I made no fuss to any family members or friends about it. In fact we got several stellar gifts as well, including designer sets of cookware that cost many hundreds of dollars & furniture from friends, not family members. There were lots of really nice gifts and some quite expensive gifts. A few people gave us money. I figure that in life things all balance out.

Maybe this couple could have been a little more genuine and thought for a moment perhaps the other party can't afford to give money, and in truth probably they would have gotten cards with more money than the cost per head so really why not let it go and think in the end it all balances out.

If they disliked the people that gave them the basket so much why invite them in the first place???

Humiliating anyone over their choice of gifts, cash amount or whatever is tasteless and crass no matter what your age is or what generation you are from.

Incidentally, I have also been in the reverse situation to this too, gone to a wedding reception that was held as a stand up event in a church hall, with food made by women in the church, another in a park with small platters on offer. Another in a cocktail club where you buy your own food and drinks afterwards and still been expected to give a decent gift or give the couple money. So we are talking weddings that cost very little and still a huge expectation that you will give a decent cash amount or an expensive gift. Again I didn't humiliate anyone over this, I was grateful they wanted to include me in their day....
 
madelise|1371784218|3469777 said:
movie zombie|1371782813|3469762 said:
madelise|1371781230|3469749 said:
...............And won't us younger gen's be condemned, called rude, whatever, for pulling a faux pas like NOT inviting our work friends? Our church friends? Our old classmates? Our parents' friends? Our aunts and uncles that we haven't seen in decades? Yes. We're called rude. So then we have an option of not having a wedding altogether. Oh, but then the rumors fly that the only reason the couple is getting married is because of *whisper whisper whisper*. She must be pregnant. He must be losing his job and needs to get under her health insurance. Something *must* have happened. Another option is to elope. OH BUT HOW COULD THEY :!: :?: How could they do this to their loved ones and families, who have been waiting their whole lives to watch them marry? Another option would be to take out loans or to borrow money from family. Did we not just have recent threads about how stupid that is?.....................


actually, this has for a very long time been true: it was the same way in 1967 and i'm betting it was the same way in 1957 and 1947........

Okay, but this is in addition to all the crazy raised prices of weddings. Weddings did not cost a bajillion bucks in 1967, 57, or 47. So if the whole generation is going to be rude, why not just not care about the "rude" label anymore and just do whatever we want, traditional manners be damned?

I'm not talking about this specific duo of friends. I'm talking about the whole anti-money registry. Yes, it should be done in a tactful way, like maybe by word of mouth or by a wedding website… definitely not ON the wedding invitation itself. But why shouldn't one want money > gift?


Weddings were very different back then though. My parents, married in the 1970s, had a much larger wedding than I did. They were guilted into inviting everyone and then some, and paid for the majority of the wedding themselves. The difference? Their wedding was at a church hall, the food was supplied by the families of the bride and groom, the bride and her sisters made all of their dresses, and the music was the church pianist hired out for the afternoon.

The most recent weddings I've been to (can't consider my own, I bought my $150 dress on ebay, baby!) have been in stately homes with lush gardens. The dresses are ordered months out and cost more than I bring home in 6 weeks. The food is incredible with steak and lobster and an ice cream van at midnight. The dancing is a live band, and the best band in the area, booked the second the couple gets engaged so that the date is available.

Yes, weddings cost more, it's a big business now. But they can be done in a hall, catered by the families, and dresses home-made to have the ability to invite everyone we know AND stick to budget. We just don't do that any more. Now people want the biggest, the best, the most memorable. It's very keeping up with the jones and it's expensive. It's harder to avoid. I'm watching a friend try to do it at the moment she had no idea a dress would cost more than £100 and was in tears after getting shunned at a dress store because she came in in March when she got engaged to get a dress for her Sept wedding. But I think a lot of that is just down to different expectations about what a wedding means now. Poor woman was excited about her own wedding until we went to the most recent one together.
 
maccers|1371786756|3469792 said:
I think rude behaviour is found across all generations but it comes in different forms. I had a conversation yesterday with a colleague, she got married in her late 20s (she's now mid30s). She didn't want to have a bridal shower but her mother insisted because that's how it's done in their community. There was a picture of the bride and groom to be at the entryway and my poor colleague had to listen to whispers among the older women about 'how dark' her Fiancé's skin colour was and watch them frown in confusion and disapproval. They hadn't realized she was marrying someone half-Asian.

Is everyone in an 'older' generation prejudice or discriminatory? No, of course not. And the same is true of younger generations with regard to being manner-less and tactless.

I am outraged at the bride's behaviour though I did not strongly voice my opinion here. I'm very cautious with what and how I post things in PS or any forum for that matter. I also wasn't sure what kind of reception I would get with that article, I have read other PS threads that stated the norm IS to give a gift that covers the cost of your plate. As I plan my wedding, these issues of etiquette keep coming up and I realize that not everyone is on the same page as me (just like the decision to wear pantyhose or not) so I wanted more perspective.

LOL maccers, As others have already written (and I totally agree) it's not the fact that she was hoping for cash for her wedding gift, no. It's the fact that she was so terribly rude and that she felt she was entitled to it. That is the truly egregious part. IMO. I have been to many weddings and I have posted about this before. We always give cash because that is the "norm" in my circles and what is most appreciated. (Personally, if I am giving a gift I want the recipient to be able to enjoy it). However not everyone in my circles gives cash nor is there any commandment that forces one to give cash or for that matter to give a gift at all. What is upsetting is this bride's bratty behavior and the fact that she is clueless and thinks the world owes her something. Add that to the fact that she behaved in an abominably rude way because she felt she was entitled to that gift, well, there's not much hope for her.

ETA: I feel that manners are dying these days and I posted about that somewhere on PS a while back. Perhaps every generation goes through that feeling just like every generation feels they have it the toughest in terms of making ends meet etc. I don't know. But I have observed through my adulthood that people just seem ruder and less caring. These are my casual non scientific observances though so take them for what they are worth but it is something I have been aware of now for a long while. It could be where I am located (NYC) but people seems stressed and less quick with a smile or civil word... let alone holding doors open, giving pregnant women or elderly people a seat on the subway etc. Etiquette seems lacking among the general public from what my anecdotal experience. :((
 
I'm 36 and have been married twice. Once at the age of 19-20 (hah, how the mind forgets even significant things after a while...) and then again at the age of 34. Both weddings had their share of gifts that were far less expensive than the cost of their meals, but isn't that just to be expected? Aunt Mildred will give you hand crocheted pot holders that look like they're straight from 1972. You invited her because you love her and want her there, not because you spent 30K and need her to refill your pockets with the other 149 guests. ;))

Laura and her bride should have chosen a less lavish wedding reception or shouldn't have invited people they weren't close to if they were "gunna" expect the guests to pay up or be humiliated. :rolleyes: If it's a casual acquaintance relationship like this article states, it seems like they shouldn't have invited her. Obviously they don't have any respect or love for the guest if they were willing to publicly humiliate her and harass her about not giving them $200.00. :nono:
 
My thoughts on this are:

1. I am invited as a guest to the wedding to share in the joy of their union on their special day - not to participate in bankrolling their wedding. I am a "guest", not the "bank of guest".

2. Although it's traditional to give a gift - monetary or otherwise, no guest is actually obligated to so.

3. I give what I am comfortable giving, and it's not my responsibility to take into account what they spent per plate, or their venue.

4. If they planned their wedding expenses around what they expected to make back from the guests and then if it falls short of their expectations, they clearly did not plain their wedding within their affordable budget, and that's their problem. No guest should be expected to fund the wedding, the honeymoon or the downpayment on the couple's future house.

5. No matter what, when it comes to gift giving it is the thought that counts (even if you feel not much thought was given), so take the high road and be gracious.

The wedding couple are two greedy jerks, and these guests dodged a bullet having to continue spending any more time with these "friends".

P. S. I'm a member of the "tribe" too. :)
 
The bride says, "People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago!" and other such pearls. I think she means, "People haven't given".

I'm not surprised at her appalling manners. Given her slaying of the English language, and the fact that she's apparently never heard of an apostrophe, I'd make an educated guess that she's not exactly out of the top drawer.

No matter what the bride thought of the gift, the well-mannered thing to do is to thank the guest and move on.
 
Smith1942|1371829488|3469994 said:
The bride says, "People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago!" and other such pearls. I think she means, "People haven't given".

I'm not surprised at her appalling manners. Given her slaying of the English language, and the fact that she's apparently never heard of an apostrophe, I'd make an educated guess that she's not exactly out of the top drawer.

She's Italian. It's plausible that English is not her first language.
 
Her vernacular is pure working-class American, with the mangling of the tenses and the mastery of slang, such as "gunna". She doesn't sound foreign, she sounds born and brought up here, or at least from a very young age. She's not getting plurals and suchlike wrong, which she would if English were a second language learned in recent years. People in this country often claim they are from other countries when they were born here. That really confused me when I moved here, when someone with a clear American accent would claim they were Scottish. Of course, they mean that their heritage from a generation or two ago was Scottish. I think she was probably born here or has been in the States since early childhood. That thing about only having been to Italian weddings is, I would think, an attempt to justify her position. You can tell a lot from the way someone uses language, and she uses the language like a native - a badly educated one! And they have apostrophes in Italian.

Check out the linguistic fluency of this statement:

"I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future."

Also, if she was speaking a foreign language, she is more likely to have confused the present and past participle of "give", so is more likely to have said " People haven't give gifts since, like, 50 years ago". You have to have mastery of a language to mangle its tenses like she did in the quote above.

Check out the Valley-girl use of "like". She has a great comfort level with American dialect. Again, not something that a foreign speaker using a recently-learned language would do. You can tell from her writing that she has been in America long enough to know the manners expected in our culture at weddings.

Those manners are bad beyond belief, and this together with her lack of education...in general, she sounds like a person of low character, so I'm not surprised about her message to her guest. I don't think that most people would dream of saying these things. She sounds like a real "piece of work", to quote an American phrase.
 
HI:

The bride had a choice in her behavior and she CHOOSE to behave poorly. Her decision to behave uncivilly crossed all realms.

cheers--Sharon
 
Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”

Response: "Well, if you want to be certain that you recouped the cost or made a profit, you should have sold tickets in advance."

I think the gift is a little odd and it's probably more of a shower or anniversary type gift than a wedding gift. I wonder if maybe the bride had already ticked off that giver, before the wedding, and the gift was deliberate the way leaving a 2-cent tip for a waiter or waitress is. At any rate, the bride should have just written a polite thank-you and let it go. Now it's going to follow them around a while if not a long time, and it will put a strain on the marriage.
I wasn't aware that today's brides are expecting $200-$300 from each couple they invite. I feel fortunate that I don't know any engaged couples and there's no current risk of me being invited to any wedding. :lol: This incident has also reminded me of what my mother always said: Wedding gifts are to be sent or dropped off at the bride's or bride's parents' home ahead of time, not taken to the wedding. Do that just to be on the safe side, so they can't ridicule your gift at the wedding. Some guests who did that no doubt thought "Whew, I really dodged a bullet there." :lol:
 
AGBF|1371798420|3469845 said:
maccers|1371786756|3469792 said:
I think rude behaviour is found across all generations but it comes in different forms. I had a conversation yesterday with a colleague, she got married in her late 20s (she's now mid30s). She didn't want to have a bridal shower but her mother insisted because that's how it's done in their community. There was a picture of the bride and groom to be at the entryway and my poor colleague had to listen to whispers among the older women about 'how dark' her Fiancé's skin colour was and watch them frown in confusion and disapproval. They hadn't realized she was marrying someone half-Asian.

Is everyone in an 'older' generation prejudice or discriminatory? No, of course not. And the same is true of younger generations with regard to being manner-less and tactless.

Sorry. I'm not going to let that specious reasoning go by. It implies that my saying that observed behavior (younger posters having failed to be vociferous about manners in this thread) was analagous to my being silent about racism because someone else, who was racist, happens to be old That would mean that if one old person is racist, all old people must be racist, which is very faulty logic!

If anyone whispered about skin color in my presence, I wouldn't be a vocal or a silent (and complicit) co-conspirator. I am white and now carry an NAACP card rather than a Black Panther card (well...they never had those but when I was young I supported them). If you don't know who the Black Panthers were, look them up. I may not have been wise when I was young, but no one can say I lacked enthusiasm! I actually managed to get my picture into the Black Panthers' newspaper.

No one brought up race here.

Deb
:saint:

Religion, cultural heritage have been brought up in this thread, and yes, I brought up ethnicity but I guess it wasn't the way to make my point. It's frustrating and tiresome to read negative generalizations about 'the younger generation'. I said that it doesn't make sense to assume that everyone in the 'older generation' are prejudice...just as it doesn't make sense to assume that everyone in the 'younger generation' are manner-less. And, to be clear, I certainly wasn't saying you are prejudice. I regret the sideways turn that this part of thread has taken.
 
What a rude, ungrateful person the bride is. I don't care if you get the cheapest, crappiest gift ever, you still graciously thank the guest for their gift and for coming to the wedding. That bride is beyond horrible.
 
Hee, I will admit, I committed one of the cardinal sins of the internet ... I didn't click through to the original story.

That *is* actually the chintziest gift basket I've ever seen. So though I still think the bride was *massively* out of line ... I'm retracting my original comment about it seeming sweet/thoughtful. I think TC1987 may have a good point ....
 
when I read the OP to my husband his first reaction was that the gifter was making a point with that gift :) there is something we don't know. BUT that the Bride was beyond rude and was probably a spoiled brat.
He also reminded me about two relatives who we could always count on for bizarre gifts but we invite them anyway. Aunt Mildred who for my parents 25th wedding anniversary gave ... a roll of quarters for my dad and a silver metallic fabric rain hat for my mom. YEP :wink2: For my wedding that June she gave me a set of Pot du Crème cups from Cartier. Some thing 34 years later I have yet to use, but she got a lovely Thank you.

My SIL who can be counted on for anything the gas stations were giving away. Or what she got at good will (with stickers attached) . My son got for his 13th birthday a set of glow in the Dark stars for his bedroom ceiling and a NY Jets glass ( Hess was giving them with a fill up) NOW if we were not rabid GIANTS fans the glass might have been OK.

Both women are cheaper than the day is long, I'm pretty sure the pot du crème cups were a re-gift.

I am of the belief as afew others have said, you take the gift and say thank you. Other wise you are classless.
 
Hi,

just a little re-interpretation. Frankly, I think this bride felt very insulted by the gift. The 200.00 she spoke about was not that she wanted to re-coup her cost, but she wished she hadn't invited them. She wanted to confront this couple who gave her marshmellow whip and such for a gift. This a case of someone who felt terribly insulted. If she could have asked for a duel, she would have.



Madelise, the newest generation, from what I have read, is a more practical person than the generations before. For example, they don't want cars. They have lowered their expectations on buying a home. They hate their student debt. This is a good thing. This is also very new and we will see if it holds. I think they are the Milleniums.

The young generation you speak of assumes it can have everything it wants. It has come to think this way because it looks at others, thru the TV and movies and sees what others have. Guess what. Credit has done that. The older generation didn't have that. If they had a wedding- they had to pay for it. Of course brides still occasionly talked about the gifts and who would give them money-all quite natural in my book. You have to decide for yourself if its rude to ask for money. or any other thing. I agree with you somewhat in that on PS I have heard much about rudeness. If you always look for trouble(rudeness) you find it. For example; I don't care if anyone brings me a bottle of wine or a gift for dinner. But, our PS crew thinks its very rude if someone doesn't bring something. So we can be different on how we feel.

I think its pretty bad to pick apart the brides grammar to attack what she had done. How rude. She made her point very well!
Content counts.


Annette
 
Elisateach|1371837344|3470085 said:
when I read the OP to my husband his first reaction was that the gifter was making a point with that gift :) there is something we don't know. BUT that the Bride was beyond rude and was probably a spoiled brat.
He also reminded me about two relatives who we could always count on for bizarre gifts but we invite them anyway. Aunt Mildred who for my parents 25th wedding anniversary gave ... a roll of quarters for my dad and a silver metallic fabric rain hat for my mom. YEP :wink2: For my wedding that June she gave me a set of Pot du Crème cups from Cartier. Some thing 34 years later I have yet to use, but she got a lovely Thank you.

My SIL who can be counted on for anything the gas stations were giving away. Or what she got at good will (with stickers attached) . My son got for his 13th birthday a set of glow in the Dark stars for his bedroom ceiling and a NY Jets glass ( Hess was giving them with a fill up) NOW if we were not rabid GIANTS fans the glass might have been OK.

Both women are cheaper than the day is long, I'm pretty sure the pot du crème cups were a re-gift.
I am of the belief as afew others have said, you take the gift and say thank you. Other wise you are classless.


HI ET:

Would you mind re-gifting those to me? :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon
 
Laila619|1371834711|3470061 said:
What a rude, ungrateful person the bride is. I don't care if you get the cheapest, crappiest gift ever, you still graciously thank the guest for their gift and for coming to the wedding. That bride is beyond horrible.

I couldn't agree more.
 
smitcompton|1371837717|3470094 said:
Hi,

just a little re-interpretation. Frankly, I think this bride felt very insulted by the gift. The 200.00 she spoke about was not that she wanted to re-coup her cost, but she wished she hadn't invited them. She wanted to confront this couple who gave her marshmellow whip and such for a gift. This a case of someone who felt terribly insulted. If she could have asked for a duel, she would have.



Madelise, the newest generation, from what I have read, is a more practical person than the generations before. For example, they don't want cars. They have lowered their expectations on buying a home. They hate their student debt. This is a good thing. This is also very new and we will see if it holds. I think they are the Milleniums.

The young generation you speak of assumes it can have everything it wants. It has come to think this way because it looks at others, thru the TV and movies and sees what others have. Guess what. Credit has done that. The older generation didn't have that. If they had a wedding- they had to pay for it. Of course brides still occasionly talked about the gifts and who would give them money-all quite natural in my book. You have to decide for yourself if its rude to ask for money. or any other thing. I agree with you somewhat in that on PS I have heard much about rudeness. If you always look for trouble(rudeness) you find it. For example; I don't care if anyone brings me a bottle of wine or a gift for dinner. But, our PS crew thinks its very rude if someone doesn't bring something. So we can be different on how we feel.

I think its pretty bad to pick apart the brides grammar to attack what she had done. How rude. She made her point very well!
Content counts.


Annette

I'm a book editor and I notice linguistics all the time. I have often noticed that sloppy communication goes along with sloppy manners. If more people held themselves to higher standards in manners, grammar, and all kinds of other things, there would be less misunderstanding and strife in the world.

Also, it would be rude to say those things directly to her, which I would never do. She is a faceless stranger and I'm communicating my opinion to a group of people who also don't know her from Adam, and who also have no contact with her. It would only be rude if I contacted her directly and told her these things - which I wouldn't do. As I said, the point of this forum is to discuss.

I am a book editor and I like discussions. I dislike sloppy use of our glorious language in adults and that's my opinion. With all the free teaching tools on the Internet these days there's no excuse in a normal adult. Someone's got to have some standards! And people who have linguistic manners usually have better actual manners. Why should someone have to read and re-read just to understand what you want to say? I'm not saying that mine is always perfect, but I try hard to get it right and I take pride in that.

Proper use of our language is important. What's the use of looking polished and wearing nice clothes if you let yourself down the moment you pick up a pen?

Content does matter and she did make her point, but she undermined herself - and her message - with her careless English.

If Obama had spoken and written in a similar vernacular, he wouldn't have been elected, because the Democratic-focused electorate would have thought less of him. Same is true of any presidential candidate of any party. Language does matter and you can often place someone in the social spectrum by the way they use it. Sad, but true. In this instance, the speaker told me that her opinion about the gift wasn't worth much because she's probably not that bright. And her behaviour towards her guest rather bore this out.

ETA: Interestingly, I have noticed that standards of writing are far higher on PS than on the majority of other Internet forums that I've read.

ETA2: I have never been to private school, just a state comprehensive and certainly did not have the kind of private-boarding-school privilege that my husband had. Therefore I don't see why normal-fuctioning adults can't learn correct basic English - it doesn't take an elite education to do so.
 
Are we really complaining about the cost of weddings on a forum where people spend $50,000 on rocks???? :sick:


It's all about perspective...and what's important to the individual.


You DO realize that the majority of people would call all of the members of this forum insane for spending the money they do on diamonds and settings. So I see no reason to judge a person for wanting to spend THEIR money on a wedding. There is either nothing insane about any of it or there is everything insane about all of it because every bit of it, expensive diamonds and expensive weddings, is frivolous!
 
House Cat|1371841082|3470124 said:
Are we really complaining about the cost of weddings on a forum where people spend $50,000 on rocks???? :sick:


It's all about perspective...and what's important to the individual.


You DO realize that the majority of people would call all of the members of this forum insane for spending the money they do on diamonds and settings. So I see no reason to judge a person for wanting to spend THEIR money on a wedding. There is either nothing insane about any of it or there is everything insane about all of it because every bit of it, expensive diamonds and expensive weddings, is frivolous!

The main difference being though that we don't expect our family and friends to pay for our bling yanno? The bride seems to be saying she is entitled to having her guests pay for the cost of their plates so she can have a big expensive wedding. Not cool.

ETA: I agree with you about the fact that one shouldn't be judged on wanting/having an expensive wedding as long as they can afford to have one. Just like one shouldn't be judged on having a huge diamond or other such luxuries. It comes down to what is important to the individual and is really no one's business but the couple involved. As long as the don't make it someone else's problem who the heck cares.
 
House Cat|1371841082|3470124 said:
Are we really complaining about the cost of weddings on a forum where people spend $50,000 on rocks???? :sick:


It's all about perspective...and what's important to the individual.


You DO realize that the majority of people would call all of the members of this forum insane for spending the money they do on diamonds and settings. So I see no reason to judge a person for wanting to spend THEIR money on a wedding. There is either nothing insane about any of it or there is everything insane about all of it because every bit of it, expensive diamonds and expensive weddings, is frivolous!

The discussion is not so much about how much people want to spend on their weddings as the expectation that each of their guests pay for "their share" of the wedding costs.
 
canuk-gal|1371837798|3470096 said:
Elisateach|1371837344|3470085 said:
when I read the OP to my husband his first reaction was that the gifter was making a point with that gift :) there is something we don't know. BUT that the Bride was beyond rude and was probably a spoiled brat.
He also reminded me about two relatives who we could always count on for bizarre gifts but we invite them anyway. Aunt Mildred who for my parents 25th wedding anniversary gave ... a roll of quarters for my dad and a silver metallic fabric rain hat for my mom. YEP :wink2: For my wedding that June she gave me a set of Pot du Crème cups from Cartier. Some thing 34 years later I have yet to use, but she got a lovely Thank you.

My SIL who can be counted on for anything the gas stations were giving away. Or what she got at good will (with stickers attached) . My son got for his 13th birthday a set of glow in the Dark stars for his bedroom ceiling and a NY Jets glass ( Hess was giving them with a fill up) NOW if we were not rabid GIANTS fans the glass might have been OK.

Both women are cheaper than the day is long, I'm pretty sure the pot du crème cups were a re-gift.
I am of the belief as afew others have said, you take the gift and say thank you. Other wise you are classless.


HI ET:

Would you mind re-gifting those to me? :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon

Seriously, I'm up for taking those too! :wavey:
 
VRBeauty|1371842012|3470132 said:
House Cat|1371841082|3470124 said:
Are we really complaining about the cost of weddings on a forum where people spend $50,000 on rocks???? :sick:


It's all about perspective...and what's important to the individual.


You DO realize that the majority of people would call all of the members of this forum insane for spending the money they do on diamonds and settings. So I see no reason to judge a person for wanting to spend THEIR money on a wedding. There is either nothing insane about any of it or there is everything insane about all of it because every bit of it, expensive diamonds and expensive weddings, is frivolous!

The discussion is not so much about how much people want to spend on their weddings as the expectation that each of their guests pay for "their share" of the wedding costs.
I totally understand that, but the discussion veered off into judging the $30,000+ wedding. I was pretty much commenting on that part.


FWIW, I don't believe in recuperating the cost of one's wedding through guests.
 
HI ET:

Would you mind re-gifting those to me? :bigsmile:

cheers--Sharon[/quote]

Seriously, I'm up for taking those too! :wavey:[/quote]

lol!! I've actually used them twice when we were first married my DH reminded me.

They are actually quite pretty I found this picture online of them. It's from some gourmet sleuth website they retail for $160. So what's that in 1979 money???
Gee now that I've seen them again I'm going to use them this weekend. DH and I are empty nesters so we are working on doing nice Saturday night dinners;)

imageuploadedbytapatalk_hd1371843394.jpg
 
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