maccers
Brilliant_Rock
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2012
- Messages
- 1,167
Thoughts about this story? I have many, lol.
I'm particularly interested in the idea that no one gives gifts anymore, just cash? I'm about to go to my first wedding of the summer, the bride and groom registered for 4 items at one store -- these items have been bought already. Now I'm wondering if this is a way to get people to give money rather than a gift? I've always felt cash is so impersonal but I do understand that cash can be more helpful than a gift.
http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html
Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.
“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”
It sounds like a Miss Manners hypothetical, but this was the drama that played out at a recent Hamilton wedding.
Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll “normal functioning people” about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride’s reaction was rude.
“We just appreciate the support;” Mason says, “the confirmation that what we did was thoughtful and not out of place.”
Mason says she was second-guessing herself in the wake of the bride’s texts, which started out by simply asking for the receipt (one of the brides was gluten-intolerant)
Louise Fox , an etiquette coach who has appeared on shows including Slice TV’s Rich Bride, Poor Bride , says even requesting the receipt was out of line. She says the couple should have offered the basket to family, friends or a food bank, then written a thank-you note that focused on the thought behind the act of gift-giving.
Here’s a taste of the email exchange:
Gift-givers: “… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of.”
Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”
Gift-givers: “It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to.”
Newlyweds: “You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts. I was right.”
Fox, the etiquette coach, says the newlyweds’ reaction is at the top of her list as far as rude behaviour goes. “It’s hard to top that. The wedding is never supposed to be about the gifts. It’s a celebration of the union.”
“You should be grateful that you got a gift and that’s the end of it. You want to preserve the feelings of the giver.”
Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She’s Italian and her bride is Croatian. They’ve never been to a wedding where guests didn’t give cash.
She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall. Mason was one of only two guests who didn’t gift at least $150 cash (the other gave a present in addition to cash).
“I don’t know what day or century they’re living in … it must have been a regifted gift,” Laura says. “I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back.”
She says Mason’s gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that’s still on display in their home.
I'm particularly interested in the idea that no one gives gifts anymore, just cash? I'm about to go to my first wedding of the summer, the bride and groom registered for 4 items at one store -- these items have been bought already. Now I'm wondering if this is a way to get people to give money rather than a gift? I've always felt cash is so impersonal but I do understand that cash can be more helpful than a gift.
http://www.thestar.com/life/2013/06/19/wedding_gift_spat_spirals_out_of_control_after_bride_demands_to_see_receipt.html
Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, “Life is delicious — enjoy!”
Later, you get a text from the bride — “I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday,” it begins.
“I’m not sure if it’s the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future.”
It sounds like a Miss Manners hypothetical, but this was the drama that played out at a recent Hamilton wedding.
Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll “normal functioning people” about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride’s reaction was rude.
“We just appreciate the support;” Mason says, “the confirmation that what we did was thoughtful and not out of place.”
Mason says she was second-guessing herself in the wake of the bride’s texts, which started out by simply asking for the receipt (one of the brides was gluten-intolerant)
Louise Fox , an etiquette coach who has appeared on shows including Slice TV’s Rich Bride, Poor Bride , says even requesting the receipt was out of line. She says the couple should have offered the basket to family, friends or a food bank, then written a thank-you note that focused on the thought behind the act of gift-giving.
Here’s a taste of the email exchange:
Gift-givers: “… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of.”
Newlyweds: “Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven’t gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue.”
Gift-givers: “It’s obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn’t care less of what you think about the gift you received, “normal” people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON’T expect me to.”
Newlyweds: “You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts. I was right.”
Fox, the etiquette coach, says the newlyweds’ reaction is at the top of her list as far as rude behaviour goes. “It’s hard to top that. The wedding is never supposed to be about the gifts. It’s a celebration of the union.”
“You should be grateful that you got a gift and that’s the end of it. You want to preserve the feelings of the giver.”
Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She’s Italian and her bride is Croatian. They’ve never been to a wedding where guests didn’t give cash.
She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall. Mason was one of only two guests who didn’t gift at least $150 cash (the other gave a present in addition to cash).
“I don’t know what day or century they’re living in … it must have been a regifted gift,” Laura says. “I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back.”
She says Mason’s gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that’s still on display in their home.
They got a big thank you for coming to the wedding and spending our day with us. 
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