The LIW Small Talk Thread

[MBKRH]

I would love to ask for a raise but sadly I work for the government and we don't get to sak for them (and I haven't gotten a pay raise in almost 2 years) I'm thinking of looking for a new job, but in my area there isn't much to choose from, unless I want something that is a very big pay decrease.

I'm sorry you are having difficulties in your finances, that must be hard. I wish I could give you advise or even words of encouragment. we are here to hear what you have to say.

Thanks for your support. I understand what you mean about not much being in your area. It's similar for me, too (I live in a very large suburb outside of Chicago). All the jobs I've found in my field either want an obscene amount of experience, or a Bachelor's degree or higher (I only have an Associate degree). So I could either go back to school, or tough out my job and get more experience that way.
Looks like it'll be the latter, as there's no way I'm going back to school (and incurring more debt) for a higher degree in a field I hate.

I'm sorry you're unable to ask for raises. May I ask what you do (or is it super top secret? ) I hope you are at least getting good benefits and other decent job perks! (Though more money always trumps benefits and paid days off, IMO).

 

[madelise]

Holy $hit. I've never been to the "Small Talk" side. Who knew this stuff existed? I'm off of school, bored to death, and finding the randomest nooks and crannies here on PS. And Valdemort. And Pinterest. Oh lord, I just went through the Zales website's whole mens bands section.


Maybe this is why I start so many threads? I had no idea ya'll are talking up in here.

Happy belated birthday, MBKRH! I can't wait to turn 30! I feel like, at 30, people will finally take you seriously as an adult. Everytime I say my age, I feel a slight shame. I just don't feel my age, and I hate hearing "well you're still young" or "that's why, you're still a baby" bull$hit. I hope you've had a wonderful first few weeks to welcome this new decade of life

If it makes you feel any better, I also took 6 years to complete my AA. It would have taken me another 4 if SO didn't threaten to beat my a$$ if I don't go full-time. If you hate your field so much, do you think it might be possible to go back to school for a different field? I'm currently the "baby" of our program in school. Most of the students are 30+ years old. I think the average is actually 35-40. We have a bit of people in their 40's and 50's. Those classmates of mine all tell me how happy they are to be in our field, and how they're glad they can still make changes.

Did your SO do anything special for your birthday? What did you do, besides work?


--


ILS, yay on Vegas (and on making $!)! We're going on our anniversary, in December. He asked me to be his GF while in the desert between CA and NV during a meteor shower. You have to try WickedSpoon when you're there. I still haven't tried it, and I have been dying to since I heard about it! Everyone I know raves about how great it is for a buffet! And omygod, homes are so much more affordable in your areas! T____T. The apartment/condo/townhouse whatever thing that my family pitched in to buy together for us to not go homeless, back in 2002 before the housing bubble, is in the ghetto-est part of my city, was 600k. It's a fricken tiny little apartment thing, with shared walls to all the other apartments. It's so pricey now that all my neighbors have multiple families living in each. These are 3 bedroom apartments, and I have neighbors that house 10+ people per apartment! The one directly next door to me has 11! I am on the opposite boat as you, I really want out of this city, and hope to move somewhere that's much cheaper living.. but this area is where all the jobs are.


edit: oh look, I made the 1000th page!

 

[MBKRH]

Madelise, I wanted to go back to school for a histotechnology certificate. If I went full time, it would only take me 9 months. However, working FT put out that fire. M and I both have to work- unfortunately, there's no way I can quit my job to go back to school. I tried looking into going PT for that certificate, however, the classes start at 5 p.m. (which is when I work until). The school that offers it is a good hour drive at that time, with traffic and all. There'd be no way of me getting there on time, even if I somehow managed to leave work at 4 instead. And if my boss knew why I was leaving early, I'd be fired, no doubt. Upon further exploration of the required classes, the internship or what not (before you graduate) is from 7 a.m. to 3 p.m. So I most certainly couldn't be working FT.

My degree is in paralegal studies. I can't believe I didn't get out of it sooner. I think at the time, I just wanted to get a degree in "something" so I could be done with it all.

M didn't do anything special for my bday. He got me a Pandora charm (it's his go-to gift these days, tryin' to fill my bracelet and all), so that was nice. Otherwise, we didn't do anything. Like I said, we're in a big financial sh*tstorm right now, and so going out is a thing of the past.

 

[audball]

You've been missing out on the small talk thread madelise! Fun times here!

I hope you're doing better MBKRH! I know what it's like to feel like you aren't happy with your job. So many people have told me to suck it up, it's just a job, but really...you spend 8-10 hours a day, 5 days a week doing this job. I don't need to LOVE It, but I certainly don't want to hate it either!

I did just get a new job that I think will be a lot better than my last job (and so far, it is), but I know I can't move up any higher than I am without more education and I honestly don't know that I want to do school anymore. At least not to the time/money commitment this would require (a Masters, part time would take me ~3 years...).

Andrew graduates in December. I have a bachelor's I received in 2009. It's not in a field I'm going to pursue, but I do have some other options, one of which I've been thinking about more seriously lately. I'm not taking any classes right now (for the first time in SEVEN years) and I'm happy for the break. Once Andrew finishes, I'm hoping we can get him a job and get us settled for awhile. I may try to make a change in a few years once we're married and his employment is stable.

It's tough. *hugs* It may not be in the cards right now, but you can do it if you want, even if it's later. Life is too short to do something you hate everyday.

 

[audball]

I have nothing productive to say except that this is my 3,000th post!

 

[LJL]

Congrats on 3000 audball!!!

Answering the prev question, I dont want to get old. I have a fear of dying and I dont feel like life is getting any cooler. I think being like 17 was pretty cool and I had good feelings about 20. No need to get older than that if you have a good fake ID. I dont want to get older.


...the thought of more school makes me sick. I dont envy yalls situations - knowing that it will help in the future but that it seems impossible to finagle. I have about 8 months exactly until I graduate and then Im DONE. I was talking to a career services person about how the job market sucks... .this woman had the gall to ask me if, since I have an interest in real property, I'd considered being a real estate agent (not a bad profession) - I was like EXCUSE ME- you need a certification for that. AINT NO CHANCE IN HELL IM DOING MORE SCHOOL AFTER THIS. For clarification, I am almost done with law school....and got asked if I would like to get an additional degree to do something ELSE, other than the law, which I have been in school for 2-3 years to do. What a bad experience. Kinda still cant believe it happened.

 

[MBKRH]

Congrats on 3000 audball!!!

Answering the prev question, I dont want to get old. I have a fear of dying and I dont feel like life is getting any cooler. I think being like 17 was pretty cool and I had good feelings about 20. No need to get older than that if you have a good fake ID. I dont want to get older.


...the thought of more school makes me sick. I dont envy yalls situations - knowing that it will help in the future but that it seems impossible to finagle. I have about 8 months exactly until I graduate and then Im DONE. I was talking to a career services person about how the job market sucks... .this woman had the gall to ask me if, since I have an interest in real property, I'd considered being a real estate agent (not a bad profession) - I was like EXCUSE ME- you need a certification for that. AINT NO CHANCE IN HELL IM DOING MORE SCHOOL AFTER THIS. For clarification, I am almost done with law school....and got asked if I would like to get an additional degree to do something ELSE, other than the law, which I have been in school for 2-3 years to do. What a bad experience. Kinda still cant believe it happened.

Are you going to open your own firm? Need a paralegal?

I too have a fear of dying. I guess it's partly a fear of the unknown, and just knowing that life goes on without you. Once you're gone, it's forever.....and ever.....and ever. Such a scary thought. I won't lie when I say it has kept me up at night on more than one occasion. If there was ever the opportunity to become a vampire and be immortal, I'm so jumping allover that bandwagon!

I totally get where you're coming from about life not getting cooler. So far in my experience, it hasn't. Granted, maybe someday I'll be able to own my own home, and not waste money renting, and hopefully will get married. But that's about it. I don't want children, so if I do manage to tie the knot and buy a house..... then what?!? I guess look forward to retiring?
Life is a crap shoot. I wish I would have listened to my parents when they said "Don't be in a hurry to grow up. Enjoy being a kid and having fun." They were so right.

 

[MBKRH]

Life is too short to do something you hate everyday.

Isn't that the truth. Thanks, audball. I do hope that I can go back to school for something else someday.
Everyone tells me that it's probably the actually firm I work in. The truth is, I know it's not entirely that. I mean, yes, I'd probably be happier somewhere else, at least for the first few months. Then, once the honeymoon period wears off, I'm going to be miserable again. I hate to be so pessimistic, but it's hard when you know that you've picked the wrong career choice. It doesn't matter if I was paid extremely well, I just know this isn't the field for me.

ETA:
I work for a small firm, with some legal assistants (3), a paralegal (1), and legal secretary (me). The paralegal has been there for 16+ years. My boss adores her. I know for a fact she is paid extremely well, and let's face it: she's not going anywhere. I don't know if she feels threatened that I'm going to take her job, but every time I ask her a question, she stares at me like "Uh, WHY don't you know this? Do I really need to explain this to you, AGAIN?"
It's gotten to the point that I am living in fear of her, because rather than a mentor, she is a bully. I hate it.

 

[audball]

Life is too short to do something you hate everyday.

Isn't that the truth. Thanks, audball. I do hope that I can go back to school for something else someday.
Everyone tells me that it's probably the actually firm I work in. The truth is, I know it's not entirely that. I mean, yes, I'd probably be happier somewhere else, at least for the first few months. Then, once the honeymoon period wears off, I'm going to be miserable again. I hate to be so pessimistic, but it's hard when you know that you've picked the wrong field. It doesn't matter if I was paid extremely well, I just know this isn't the field for me.

*hugs*

I know exactly how you feel. I (so far) am liking my new job (started mid July), but I can already see some of the things that will be part of my regular duties that I'm not thrilled about. I'm totally with you in knowing what I'm doing isn't for me, but the problem is that I don't know WHAT IS for me.

 

[MBKRH]

... the problem is that I don't know WHAT IS for me.

This. Spot on, audball.
I had no idea at the end of high school what I wanted to do. I thought maybe I'd have an idea once I started college. Nope. Then I thought by going the paralegal route, everything would fall into place. I did well in the classes, I possess many of the attributes desired in a paralegal, and graduated with high honors. I found a job in my field and thought everything was going to be alright.

WAKE UP CALL! They only teach you so much in school. I'd say a good 80% of what you really learn is hands on, once you find a job. Talk about a shock.

So now I'm wondering what IS RIGHT for me, as you said. But, I'm 30. I can't just keep going back to school after failed career attempts. I want stability. I want a job I enjoy. I don't want to waste my life in school trying to figure out what that is.

 

[LJL]

I DO wonder like- Who ARE these people with "passions". Like, the people who have driving forces and desires to do particular THINGS/careers. I dont have it. Im in law school because its the most reasonable adult career that I dont HATE. If I had to say a passion, I would go with baking or dog breeding, neither of which are lucrative/"responsible".

Being old is not fun.

I hope you guys figure out your job situations

 

[audball]

I DO wonder like- Who ARE these people with "passions". Like, the people who have driving forces and desires to do particular THINGS/careers. I dont have it. Im in law school because its the most reasonable adult career that I dont HATE. If I had to say a passion, I would go with baking or dog breeding, neither of which are lucrative/"responsible".

Being old is not fun.

I hope you guys figure out your job situations

I have ALWAYS wondered too. I WISH WISH WISH I just had this PASSION that I'd be unhappy doing anything else. But I don't. I have finally come to terms with this in the last year and stopped chasing that dream.

I know what will make me happy. I want to marry my best friend and raise a little family. I've come to terms with the fact that my job will be just that, a job. I know I'll get my fulfillment outside of work and am beginning to be more okay with that.

At this point I already have a BA. I've tried the MPH program and quit after a year, I hated it. I turned down admission (twice!) to the AuD program because I couldn't stomach paying that much to go to school for something I wasn't passionate about. I tried my hand at a different field and finished all but 9 classes towards a different BS degree, but hated it and quit.

I'm done with starting programs and not finishing them. I just am. I don't want to be a student anymore. The ONLY thing I'm considering doing for school wise at this point will depend largely on where Andrew gets a job. If we stay in our current city, I'll keep my current job and work up and have a decent path. If we move closer to my family (a few hours north of where we are now) I'm thinking about getting my teacher's certificate. Since I already have a BA, it'll only take me about 6 months and has a minimal cost. At least it would make for a family friendly schedule in the future. And honestly, I think I'd like it. My Mom and older sister are both teachers as are lots of my friends. I only didn't do it outright because of the salary, but honestly, with a degree that doesn't mean anything with a MA in the same field, my opportunities won't be much better than that anyway and come with longer hours. Andrew's degree has significantly more earning potential in the long run anyway.

I really don't know at this point. I'm trying to just enjoy my time off from school and see where our feet land after he graduates in December. If I'm being honest, I hope it's closer to my family, I miss being near them.

 

[audball]

... the problem is that I don't know WHAT IS for me.

This. Spot on, audball.
I had no idea at the end of high school what I wanted to do. I thought maybe I'd have an idea once I started college. Nope. Then I thought by going the paralegal route, everything would fall into place. I did well in the classes, I possess many of the attributes desired in a paralegal, and graduated with high honors. I found a job in my field and thought everything was going to be alright.

WAKE UP CALL! They only teach you so much in school. I'd say a good 80% of what you really learn is hands on, once you find a job. Talk about a shock.

So now I'm wondering what IS RIGHT for me, as you said. But, I'm 30. I can't just keep going back to school after failed career attempts. I want stability. I want a job I enjoy. I don't want to waste my life in school trying to figure out what that is.

I have found in my many explorations/trials in different degrees that the real world is NEVER the same. I know exactly how you feel. I just wish I had the answer.

 

[Chewbacca]

I'm nodding my head in agreement as I read these job-posts! I too wish that I had certainty and drive in a chosen career. I would go back to school happily, if only I had more than a vague interest in any of the options!

I'm not sure that I REALLY truly care about having something more than 'just' a job, or if its because I feel as though I SHOULD care, because of social norms. I seriously cannot untangle the two.

Eeeek!

LJL, I was involved in two weddings last year, I had two weeks off my job to work on my stuff and had THE BEST time! I was walking on sunshine, except for the whole two weeks without pay thing ha ha! Like you though, I'm not willing/ready to follow my actual passions when they are totally the opposite of lucrative/responsible! Grrr, why can't my passion be doctoring or something!?

 

[audball]

I'm nodding my head in agreement as I read these job-posts! I too wish that I had certainty and drive in a chosen career. I would go back to school happily, if only I had more than a vague interest in any of the options!

I'm not sure that I REALLY truly care about having something more than 'just' a job, or if its because I feel as though I SHOULD care, because of social norms. I seriously cannot untangle the two.

Eeeek!

I don't know that I could have said it any better myself.

 

[Chewbacca]

^ It can be such a drag, right. One of my friends Dad's has never been a career-guy. He was a school bus driver, a gardener, etc, and he has been/is a very happy man. I guess its what you make of it?

Sometimes I worry that I won't find my 'thing' before I want to start a family, which will postpone 'the search'. WHY DO I CARE ABOUT THIS!


In other news, SO decided to take a spontaneous trip since he is on term break, so he is away for the week. I am Monica Gellar when it comes to cleaning, its like crack to me, so I will probaby be found wearing rubber gloves holding a bottle of surface cleaner and a rubbish bag in SO's study every night after work this week!

 

[audball]

Sometimes you just have to move on and learn to be happy in other realms of your life. In the end, nobody is going to wish they spent more time working. Be passionate about other things in your life and work to make a living to support those things. Life is about more than work. This is something I'm trying to learn to grasp so that I can figure out how to be happy without this mysterious job I'll likely never ever find.

 

[Chewbacca]

Sometimes you just have to move on and learn to be happy in other realms of your life. In the end, nobody is going to wish they spent more time working. Be passionate about other things in your life and work to make a living to support those things. Life is about more than work. This is something I'm trying to learn to grasp so that I can figure out how to be happy without this mysterious job I'll likely never ever find.

Amen sisterfriend!

 

[audball]

Sometimes you just have to move on and learn to be happy in other realms of your life. In the end, nobody is going to wish they spent more time working. Be passionate about other things in your life and work to make a living to support those things. Life is about more than work. This is something I'm trying to learn to grasp so that I can figure out how to be happy without this mysterious job I'll likely never ever find.

Amen sisterfriend!

 

[MBKRH]

Sometimes you just have to move on and learn to be happy in other realms of your life. In the end, nobody is going to wish they spent more time working. Be passionate about other things in your life and work to make a living to support those things. Life is about more than work. This is something I'm trying to learn to grasp so that I can figure out how to be happy without this mysterious job I'll likely never ever find.

That's great advice. Thank you.

 

[audball]

Sometimes you just have to move on and learn to be happy in other realms of your life. In the end, nobody is going to wish they spent more time working. Be passionate about other things in your life and work to make a living to support those things. Life is about more than work. This is something I'm trying to learn to grasp so that I can figure out how to be happy without this mysterious job I'll likely never ever find.

That's great advice. Thank you.

It has been my mantra lately! I was hoping it didn't come across as preachy, because BELIEVE me when I say I have to constantly remind myself of this when I get to feeling down about not having a "career path".

 

[Chewbacca]

If you are Best Man/MOH at someones wedding, should you chose them to be your own Best Man/MOH? Would you expect to be?

Obviously you can do whatever the heck you want, I'm just looking for opinions!

 

[audball]

If you are Best Man/MOH at someones wedding, should you chose them to be your own Best Man/MOH? Would you expect to be?

Obviously you can do whatever the heck you want, I'm just looking for opinions!

It could never work for me. I've been a bridesmaid 5 times already and 3 times I was Maid of Honor. I obviously can't make all three of them maid of honor, and I probably wouldn't even make all of the bridesmaids because I don't want a big bridal party (if at all). We'll likely elope, but if we did have a small ceremony with a bridal party, it would probably just be my two sisters (which was one of the weddings I was in, but not a MOH). There are people I'm closer to that haven't gotten married yet and/or I would prefer to have in my party besides that ones I stood up in. So short of having 3+ MOHs and 10+ bridesmaids, I could never appease this courtesy.

Just my thoughts. Choose people you truly want to stand up with you and choose people that are important in your life. I have seen several friends choose bridesmaids they thought they had to choose and ended up regretting some of their choices.

 

[Chewbacca]

Wow Audball, wedding party veteran!!

Just my thoughts. Choose people you truly want to stand up with you and choose people that are important in your life. I have seen several friends choose bridesmaids they thought they had to choose and ended up regretting some of their choices.

Sound advice. So have I!

In my imaginary wedding, I would have no bridal party. I hate the idea of choosing people. I have no one who I would REALLY like to stand with me, so it'd just be out of 'necessity'. Lame. SO wants his two brothers, at least. I am HOPING that when the time comes for this decision for real, we can come to a good compromise.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to push it out of my mind! These are the things that'll drive a person crazy!

 

[audball]

Wow Audball, wedding party veteran!!

Just my thoughts. Choose people you truly want to stand up with you and choose people that are important in your life. I have seen several friends choose bridesmaids they thought they had to choose and ended up regretting some of their choices.

Sound advice. So have I!

In my imaginary wedding, I would have no bridal party. I hate the idea of choosing people. I have no one who I would REALLY like to stand with me, so it'd just be out of 'necessity'. Lame. SO wants his two brothers, at least. I am HOPING that when the time comes for this decision for real, we can come to a good compromise.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to push it out of my mind! These are the things that'll drive a person crazy!

Hah, yeah, I have done it a lot. I just know several friends (even one's who I wasn't part of the bridal party) that ended up not even speaking to several members of their wedding party after it was all said and done. I don't ever want that to happen. I only have a few friends in my life (and 2 of them are guys) that have truly been a part of my life from when I was very young and that I still remain in contact with today. I firmly believe in the saying "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime". I wouldn't want anyone standing up with me that I didn't see as being with me for a lifetime.

 

[Chewbacca]

I firmly believe in the saying "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime". I wouldn't want anyone standing up with me that I didn't see as being with me for a lifetime.

Yes. !!!!!!!!!

I would be happy to have only SO's two brothers.. unfortunately for that idea I have a sister, and so does he. I love them very much, but I wouldn't like them as my bridal party! They are very similar girls in a lot of ways, very shy and uncomfortable, no initiative, very poor grooming, and seem younger than their years (18 and 21). It'd stress our mothers out SO MUCH, ha ha!

I will probably just have them. I guess its what Emily Post would do!

 

[audball]

I firmly believe in the saying "people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime". I wouldn't want anyone standing up with me that I didn't see as being with me for a lifetime.

Yes. !!!!!!!!!

I would be happy to have only SO's two brothers.. unfortunately for that idea I have a sister, and so does he. I love them very much, but I wouldn't like them as my bridal party! They are very similar girls in a lot of ways, very shy and uncomfortable, no initiative, very poor grooming, and seem younger than their years (18 and 21). It'd stress our mothers out SO MUCH, ha ha!

I will probably just have them. I guess its what Emily Post would do!

I have one girlfriend who is super close to me, but Andrew doesn't have a lot of close friends. If we did do something with a party, he'd probably ask his brother and his brother-in-law. I'd ask both of my sisters. I know we'd have no regrets about that. But we're 99.99% sure we're eloping and it won't matter anyway.

I strongly urge you NOT to ask anyone you don't truly want. I have seen it cause more stress for my bride friends than anything else. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up, support you, and HELP (ie: NOT COMPLAIN) about your choices. Screw Emily Post. Pick people who will be constants in your life for the entirety of your foreseeable future.

 

[Chewbacca]

Aud, thank you so much for your help and support on the boards! I really appreciate. I always find myself nodding along when I read your posts.

 

[audball]

Aud, thank you so much for your help and support on the boards! I really appreciate. I always find myself nodding along when I read your posts.

Aww, thanks! I'm glad to help when I can

 

[MBKRH]

I think we've all felt this at one time or another....