The CFBC Thread!!!

[deegee]

I agree - cats are very low maintenance. I have 3 of them. I have one that likes to sleep in my lap, one that likes to curl up at my feet, and one that likes to get on the couch right behind me in the evenings. They''re my little buddies. They''re really easy to train, too. All of my cats were outdoor strays that we took in, and they learned to use the litterbox like little champs!

Hubby and I decided not to get dogs because we''re away from home for long hours during the weekday and we visit family on weekends. Dogs need a lot of attention, and we''re not home enough. Cats are more okay with being left alone for longer periods, I think. One of our cats greets us at the door every evening when we get home, but the other two are always curled up together on the couch asleep.

 

[LuckyTexan]

Mini thread jack

My aunt did this, and she is one of NINE children, who all but one other had hoards of kids... and of course all of them left the uncle alone but have STILL not stopped taunting her. She''s like 48 now. Get over it!

We have a couple on our street... very cool people... we call them DINKS. Double Income No Kids.

I think having kids is an awesome responsibility that is not for everyone! I don''t think that everyone is cut out to have kids, and I actually appreciate when people make the choice not to have kids, as a responsible decision for themselves.

Carry on.

 

[MMMD]

Everone used to call my husband and I DINKS. We waited until we were married 12 years to have kids and boy was everyone surprised (and worried!) when I announced my pregnancy.

My DH didn''t have to sign anything when I had my tubal ligation, but I was 36 so I guess the doctor felt that it was a good decision? Who knows. All I remember is my doctor warning me that you can still get pregnant after sterilization, not warning me not to do it if I wasn''t sure. I thought that was strange at the time.

 

[innerkitten]

I know some people who are CFBC by choice. For some reason my mother knows tons.
But in response to nomissjane'' post. It''s got to be tough not to be on the same place as your DH on an issue like that.I hope you guys come to a decision that your both happy with. I had my daughter at 35 which is on the later side. Although plenty of woman are having them in their mid to late 30s.

 

[nomissjane]

Thanks guys...I haven''t posted in a few days as I certainly don''t want to highjack this thread in any way, but I wanted you all to know that I do truly appreciate your kind words and support.

My hubby feels so very torn about what he truly wants....I guess maybe torn between his terror at having children and his sense of doing what he''s ''supposed'' to do and not dissapointing me or tearing us apart.

His own childhood was emotionally miserable, a series of abandonments by all four of his mothers husbands.
He''s essentially an only child of, more often than not, a single mother....and please do not think I''m saying anything negative in any way about others in that situation, I believe that every family of any size is unique....but he also did not have any grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins or the like....just him and his mom (who I love and respect enormously).
I can see why having zero role models in his life would mean the idea of having his own children a scary prospect.

This certainly has taken the wind out of my sails...I''m conscious of the possibility that even if he decided that his answer was no to kids and we went our seperate ways, it''s unlikely at 36 that I''ll recover from the loss of my marriage, meet someone who wants kids or more of them, fall in love and fall pregnant before it''s too late to be possible.

I love and respect him enormously...and I hope I''m also able to understand and respect his decision even if it is not the one I''m hoping for.

Anyway....sorry for the threadjack, I got a little carried away with the typing.

Congratulations to all of you who have made careful and considered decisions on your future with or without children...I wish you well.

nomissjane

 

[MMMD]

Nomissjane: I''ll continue the threadjack. It sounds to me like you and your husband should go to counseling (I know a previous poster suggested this.) We waited so long because my DH didn''t want children for a lot of the same reasons your DH is apprehensive. He felt at one point that he should just divorce me because he felt he was denying me (even though, to be honest I was very scared also. I didn''t want to "force" a child on someone) A counselor helped him realize he could overcome his background if that was the only reason he was afraid. We now have a 9 and 6 year old and my husband has enjoyed every minute of being a father.

I truly feel that if a couple does not want children, that''s great. Parenthood is not for everyone. I know several couples who never had children and they had great marriages and lives. The honeymoon never ends LOL. But they agreed on the issue. It would be sad for your DH to lose you over this. Good luck.

 

[nytemist]

So we went to SIL''s barbecue on Saturday. Her husband''s brothers were there and one of them had his two kids there. They are well-behaved and I had fun playing croquet with them and my MIL. SIL''s in-laws were there also along with other family members, great people to talk to and spend time with. Later in the day, when the the moms (husband''s and SIL husband) started talking about the new baby. (Husbands other sister had a baby last month and his mom went down for a few weeks to help out) So of course the older women (except my MIL) started looking to me and asking when we were planning on becoming parents. Now I''ve said to her in the past that we didn''t want kids, his sister has told her this, his mom as well. Still she says, ''so your SIL having a baby doesn''t make you want to have kids? I think you would be good at it and there would be more grandchildren''. I assured her once again, no that isn''t something we want to do.

She says the tried and true line: ''oh, I think you will change your mind before time runs out.''

Ding, ding! I''m coming up on 37! I''m pretty sure I know myself by now.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/15/2008 9:48:09 AM
Author: nytemist
So we went to SIL''s barbecue on Saturday. Her husband''s brothers were there and one of them had his two kids there. They are well-behaved and I had fun playing croquet with them and my MIL. SIL''s in-laws were there also along with other family members, great people to talk to and spend time with. Later in the day, when the the moms (husband''s and SIL husband) started talking about the new baby. (Husbands other sister had a baby last month and his mom went down for a few weeks to help out) So of course the older women (except my MIL) started looking to me and asking when we were planning on becoming parents. Now I''ve said to her in the past that we didn''t want kids, his sister has told her this, his mom as well. Still she says, ''so your SIL having a baby doesn''t make you want to have kids? I think you would be good at it and there would be more grandchildren''. I assured her once again, no that isn''t something we want to do.

She says the tried and true line: ''oh, I think you will change your mind before time runs out.''

Ding, ding! I''m coming up on 37! I''m pretty sure I know myself by now.

Gaaaah!!! It NEVER ends!!!

Nytemist, I feel your pain . . . I wish people would just butt out and mind their own business sometimes. Like you said, you''re 37 . . . I''m pretty sure you know what you do and don''t want in life by now!

 

[Italiahaircolor]

Although I myself want children...my SIL and BIL are CFBC.

My SIL is in her 40''s (almost 44)...and my BIL is in his early 30''s. My SIL had a marriage prior to marrying my BIL, and she had 2 children with her ex when she was very young. Her first daughter came when my SIL was 16 and her son followed when she was 18.

Although my BIL wanted children being marrying my SIL, together they decided not to have anymore. I think my SIL feels that shes "been there/done that" and since her daughter 25 and living with a serious boyfriend, she preparing to be a Grandma now, and doesn''t want to steal her daughters thunder by being starting a second family around the same time her daughter is starting hers.

I can totally respect and understand their decision...and think it is wonderful that my SIL is very intouch with her feelings when it comes to her desires. Although, I hope that eventually my BIL doesn''t come around to believe that he "missed out" on being a father. My BIL is very good with kids, and is actually an elementary school teacher, which is why I harbor my fears, although I''d never say anything. My BIL treats her children like his own (although he is closer in age to them than he is to her) and they refer to them as "their kids".

Being CFBC is a valid choice...and good for you all!

 

[deegee]

My 6 year old niece asked me Sunday when I was going to have a baby. Wonder where she got that. I''m 40 - that ship has sailed!

 

[Haven]

Hubby and I aren''t CFBC, but I just wanted to say that it must be extremely frustrating to be CFBC in our current society. We''ve only been married since July, and already EVERYONE is asking us when we''re going to start having babies. People are so extremely invasive, it''s unbelievable.

Hubby has cousins who are, I believe, CFBC. They are in their mid-40s, and every single time we get together with family they have to field numerous questions and comments about having babies. They are always really vague, and don''t give anybody straight answers. I always think "What if they wanted to have children and couldn''t, for some reason?" How rude to keep asking.

Anyway, carry on.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/15/2008 10:43:22 PM
Author: Haven
Hubby and I aren''t CFBC, but I just wanted to say that it must be extremely frustrating to be CFBC in our current society. We''ve only been married since July, and already EVERYONE is asking us when we''re going to start having babies. People are so extremely invasive, it''s unbelievable.

Hubby has cousins who are, I believe, CFBC. They are in their mid-40s, and every single time we get together with family they have to field numerous questions and comments about having babies. They are always really vague, and don''t give anybody straight answers. I always think ''What if they wanted to have children and couldn''t, for some reason?'' How rude to keep asking.

Anyway, carry on.

Haven, that''s a very good point! I often think the same thing. And imagine how heartbreaking it must be for a couple who doesn''t have kids because they CAN''T have kids, to keep getting the baby questions! I just wish people would mind their own freakin'' business!!!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/15/2008 10:43:22 PM
Author: Haven
Hubby and I aren''t CFBC, but I just wanted to say that it must be extremely frustrating to be CFBC in our current society. We''ve only been married since July, and already EVERYONE is asking us when we''re going to start having babies. People are so extremely invasive, it''s unbelievable.

Hubby has cousins who are, I believe, CFBC. They are in their mid-40s, and every single time we get together with family they have to field numerous questions and comments about having babies. They are always really vague, and don''t give anybody straight answers. I always think ''What if they wanted to have children and couldn''t, for some reason?'' How rude to keep asking.

Anyway, carry on.

Huh......that''s a really good point. I had never really thought of that before.
And it bugs me the most coming from family members........no one should know any better than your family, about your wishes and desires, and they should be the first ones to be accepting of your descision, whatever that may be.

 

[FrekeChild]

What are your best responses to "When are you going to start trying for a baby?" and all of the other versions of that same (irritating) question?

I need to build up my arsenal exclusively for my aunt. She was the first one to start looking for an ering--4 months into my relationship with FF!! I imagine as soon as that ering is on my finger I''m going to get a lot of baby questions.

 

[nytemist]

Freke, I had a friend ask me that same question about 2-3 months before our wedding. We''re close enough that I was comfortable saying something kind of racy.

I said we''re not trying for a baby, not interested. But the process is lots of fun anyway.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/19/2008 12:52:23 AM
Author: FrekeChild
What are your best responses to ''When are you going to start trying for a baby?'' and all of the other versions of that same (irritating) question?

I need to build up my arsenal exclusively for my aunt. She was the first one to start looking for an ering--4 months into my relationship with FF!! I imagine as soon as that ering is on my finger I''m going to get a lot of baby questions.

Freke, how about saying this when she asks you that question: "When are you going to start minding your own beeswax?!?!" LOL!

I''d love to hear everyone else''s comebacks when someone asks this question . . . I''m always looking for a good way to deflect these people!!!

 

[joflier]

How bout....."Gee, I dunno, when are you gonna have some more?" (this would be good one for an older/middle aged woman, esp!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/19/2008 3:51:46 PM
Author: joflier
How bout.....''Gee, I dunno, when are you gonna have some more?'' (this would be good one for an older/middle aged woman, esp!

ROFLMAO!!! Jo, that''s awesome!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/21/2008 1:16:09 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 9/19/2008 3:51:46 PM
Author: joflier
How bout.....''Gee, I dunno, when are you gonna have some more?'' (this would be good one for an older/middle aged woman, esp!

ROFLMAO!!! Jo, that''s awesome!

Just imagining the look of shock on their faces!!! (tee hee)
Kind of along those lines..... I''m an xray technologist, and in my job, I''m required to ask any female between the ages of 12 and 55 if there is a possibility of pregnancy.....I always love some of the responses from the 50+ women when I ask that.....

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/22/2008 1:02:44 AM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/21/2008 1:16:09 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 9/19/2008 3:51:46 PM
Author: joflier
How bout.....''Gee, I dunno, when are you gonna have some more?'' (this would be good one for an older/middle aged woman, esp!

ROFLMAO!!! Jo, that''s awesome!

Just imagining the look of shock on their faces!!! (tee hee)
Kind of along those lines..... I''m an xray technologist, and in my job, I''m required to ask any female between the ages of 12 and 55 if there is a possibility of pregnancy.....I always love some of the responses from the 50+ women when I ask that.....

LOL! My Mom is 54 (but she looks much younger) and she''s had a hysterectomy . . . she always gets a chuckle when someone asks her that question!