The CFBC Thread!!!

[Irishgrrrl]

Is there anyone else out there who is "child-free by choice" like DH and I are?

I thought maybe it would be nice to have a thread for us CFBCers since we obviously don''t belong in the TTC thread, the preggo thread or the mommies thread! LOL!

If you are CFBC:

1. What made you decide not to have kids?
2. Do you ever question your decision?
3. Do you have friends/family members who just don''t "get it"?

 

[joflier]

We are CFBC, although I myself am open minded to the option of having a child in the FAR distant future. We''re still fairly young. Although if my biological clock ever decides to start ticking on me, it may get sticky, as DH is and always has been adament about never having children. Guess we shall see. I''m totally contented to live selfishly with just the two of us. Right now our parents are supportive of that, although a number of our friends have started having kids within the last couple of years, and don''t really seem to understand our position, but that''s ok. I don''t understand their position either!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Hi, Joflier! I just knew there were more of us out there! LOL!

Hey, maybe we''ll get really lucky and the Admins will make this a sticky thread like all the kid/pregnancy-related threads!

OH, and I guess I should answer my own questions from my original post!

1. I never really felt very strongly one way or the other about having kids. I just decided that, if I married a guy who really wanted kids, I would be OK with having ONE ONLY! Or, if I married a guy who really didn''t want kids (like DH), I''d be fine with that too.

2. I do question my decision from time to time, and I think DH sometimes does too. I''m kinda afraid that I''m going to get old and frail someday and I''ll need someone to take care of me, but I won''t have anyone! I know that''s a horrible reason to have kids, though! I also wonder if maybe I''m missing out on something really great . . . mainly because people tell me how great it is, and how I''m missing out if I don''t have kids.

3. I do have a few friends and one family member in particular (my MIL) who just don''t get it. My boss mentions it from time to time, especially now that he has a son. But he does it in a joking way, just teasing. My MIL on the other hand . . . AAARRRGGGHHH!!! She just HARPED on it for the longest time! "When are you guys going to have a BAAAAAAABY?!?!"

And she knows DH gets irritated with her when she does this, so she started mentioning it to me when he was out of earshot. Finally, I just got sick of it and I told DH that she was constantly mentioning it and I didn''t appreciate it. So, he told her in no uncertain terms to just knock it off! And I think it pretty much worked . . . she hasn''t said anything in a while. I don''t understand what the big deal is for her, anyway . . . she already has two grandsons and two granddaughters from DH''s two sisters!

 

[joflier]

Date: 8/28/2008 7:39:32 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Hi, Joflier! I just knew there were more of us out there! LOL!

Hey, maybe we''ll get really lucky and the Admins will make this a sticky thread like all the kid/pregnancy-related threads!

OH, and I guess I should answer my own questions from my original post!

1. I never really felt very strongly one way or the other about having kids. I just decided that, if I married a guy who really wanted kids, I would be OK with having ONE ONLY! Or, if I married a guy who really didn''t want kids (like DH), I''d be fine with that too.

2. I do question my decision from time to time, and I think DH sometimes does too. I''m kinda afraid that I''m going to get old and frail someday and I''ll need someone to take care of me, but I won''t have anyone! I know that''s a horrible reason to have kids, though! I also wonder if maybe I''m missing out on something really great . . . mainly because people tell me how great it is, and how I''m missing out if I don''t have kids.

3. I do have a few friends and one family member in particular (my MIL) who just don''t get it. My boss mentions it from time to time, especially now that he has a son. But he does it in a joking way, just teasing. My MIL on the other hand . . . AAARRRGGGHHH!!! She just HARPED on it for the longest time! ''When are you guys going to have a BAAAAAAABY?!?!''

And she knows DH gets irritated with her when she does this, so she started mentioning it to me when he was out of earshot. Finally, I just got sick of it and I told DH that she was constantly mentioning it and I didn''t appreciate it. So, he told her in no uncertain terms to just knock it off! And I think it pretty much worked . . . she hasn''t said anything in a while. I don''t understand what the big deal is for her, anyway . . . she already has two grandsons and two granddaughters from DH''s two sisters!

I actually think about this too.......the men in DH''s family don''t have a real great record for longevity. And DH is a very high stress personality with a strong background of heart conditions....It just makes me think that, wow, I could be widowed by 60 and have no one else. I had a great aunt that had no children, and her husband passed away when they were around 50. She lived by herself with limited extended family visits from time to time for 43 years! So I hear where yer comin from on that one.
How long have you been married/together? Do you mind revealing your and DH''s age? I guess what I''m getting at, is, is it something that you may change your minds on at some point? We''re both mid twenties, so I figure we have some leeway room is we decide to change our minds.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/28/2008 7:50:09 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 8/28/2008 7:39:32 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Hi, Joflier! I just knew there were more of us out there! LOL!

Hey, maybe we''ll get really lucky and the Admins will make this a sticky thread like all the kid/pregnancy-related threads!

OH, and I guess I should answer my own questions from my original post!

1. I never really felt very strongly one way or the other about having kids. I just decided that, if I married a guy who really wanted kids, I would be OK with having ONE ONLY! Or, if I married a guy who really didn''t want kids (like DH), I''d be fine with that too.

2. I do question my decision from time to time, and I think DH sometimes does too. I''m kinda afraid that I''m going to get old and frail someday and I''ll need someone to take care of me, but I won''t have anyone! I know that''s a horrible reason to have kids, though! I also wonder if maybe I''m missing out on something really great . . . mainly because people tell me how great it is, and how I''m missing out if I don''t have kids.

3. I do have a few friends and one family member in particular (my MIL) who just don''t get it. My boss mentions it from time to time, especially now that he has a son. But he does it in a joking way, just teasing. My MIL on the other hand . . . AAARRRGGGHHH!!! She just HARPED on it for the longest time! ''When are you guys going to have a BAAAAAAABY?!?!''

And she knows DH gets irritated with her when she does this, so she started mentioning it to me when he was out of earshot. Finally, I just got sick of it and I told DH that she was constantly mentioning it and I didn''t appreciate it. So, he told her in no uncertain terms to just knock it off! And I think it pretty much worked . . . she hasn''t said anything in a while. I don''t understand what the big deal is for her, anyway . . . she already has two grandsons and two granddaughters from DH''s two sisters!

I actually think about this too.......the men in DH''s family don''t have a real great record for longevity. And DH is a very high stress personality with a strong background of heart conditions....It just makes me think that, wow, I could be widowed by 60 and have no one else. I had a great aunt that had no children, and her husband passed away when they were around 50. She lived by herself with limited extended family visits from time to time for 43 years! So I hear where yer comin from on that one.
How long have you been married/together? Do you mind revealing your and DH''s age? I guess what I''m getting at, is, is it something that you may change your minds on at some point? We''re both mid twenties, so I figure we have some leeway room is we decide to change our minds.

Jo~

Don''t mind at all! I just turned 30 and DH is 29 (he''ll be 30 in November). We''ve been together for five years, and married for three. We''ve always talked about the fact that, if one of us feels like we might be changing our mind, we should feel very free to discuss that with the other person. So, I guess it''s a possibility that we might change our minds, but I don''t think it''s very likely.

 

[joflier]

Date: 8/28/2008 7:55:40 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Jo~

Don''t mind at all! I just turned 30 and DH is 29 (he''ll be 30 in November). We''ve been together for five years, and married for three. We''ve always talked about the fact that, if one of us feels like we might be changing our mind, we should feel very free to discuss that with the other person. So, I guess it''s a possibility that we might change our minds, but I don''t think it''s very likely.

I think that''s really good that you have that openess. I guess I just hope that that''s a bridge we won''t have to cross.

Still waiting for some others to join us!............

I think too, of DH''s brother and wife. They are CFBC as well. Both are 30 and have been married for 9 years. Neither has ever waivered on their decision until about the last 6 months. SIL''s mind has started to change. Their main reason was that they were afraid of their genetics. As they both have some family illnesses that they don''t want to pass on, although with all the advances in healthcare she''s starting to feel more comfortable with maybe having a child.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Yeah, hopefully more CFBC people will check in soon! We can''t be the only ones . . . can we?!?!

You know, I''ve heard that CFBC couples ~ the women especially ~ go through a sort of mourning period as their child-bearing years pass. I don''t know if that will happen to me or not, but I definitely do have days every once in a while when I wonder if we''re really making the right choice. Those days are still pretty few and far between, though!

 

[joflier]

Date: 8/28/2008 8:18:42 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Yeah, hopefully more CFBC people will check in soon! We can''t be the only ones . . . can we?!?!

You know, I''ve heard that CFBC couples ~ the women especially ~ go through a sort of mourning period as their child-bearing years pass. I don''t know if that will happen to me or not, but I definitely do have days every once in a while when I wonder if we''re really making the right choice. Those days are still pretty few and far between, though!

I''ve heard that too.......I wonder if you''ll feel more of those days in about 5 years or so?
So when you see a baby/toddler, what do you feel, if anything? Most of my girlfriends just go gaga and get all starry eyed when they see a cute baby.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/28/2008 8:36:09 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 8/28/2008 8:18:42 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Yeah, hopefully more CFBC people will check in soon! We can''t be the only ones . . . can we?!?!

You know, I''ve heard that CFBC couples ~ the women especially ~ go through a sort of mourning period as their child-bearing years pass. I don''t know if that will happen to me or not, but I definitely do have days every once in a while when I wonder if we''re really making the right choice. Those days are still pretty few and far between, though!

I''ve heard that too.......I wonder if you''ll feel more of those days in about 5 years or so?
So when you see a baby/toddler, what do you feel, if anything? Most of my girlfriends just go gaga and get all starry eyed when they see a cute baby.

You know, I don''t usually feel much of anything. It really depends on the kid, though. If it''s a REALLY cute kid who is well-behaved and adorable, I sometimes think, "Maybe we should." But, if the kid is throwing a tantrum and screaming his head off, I think, "WOW, I''m so glad we aren''t going there!"

 

[deegee]

Me! I''m CFBC!

I was never a girl who dreamed of getting married and having babies. As a matter of fact, I was really surprised when I met and fell madly in love with my husband. I always thought I''d be a single career woman. My hubby and I have been together for 15 years, married for almost 14. I love him dearly!

We never talked about having kids while we were dating or during the first few years of our marriage. I was in a bad car accident 10 years ago today, and spent years in physical therapy. I still have to go to PT from time to time when my body decides to crap out on me. It seems like I have been recovering for forever, so we decided that it would be best not to have kids. I''m not up for it, and my husband is awesomely supportive.

Sadly, people have felt the need to make nasty comments and judgements over the years. My family is fine with it, but my husband''s family has a few issues. I''m at the point in my life that I don''t let it bother me anymore. We love our lifestyle, we adore each other, and we''re quite content with our decision not to have kids. We have 9 nieces and nephews to call on when we need to have a kid fix!!!

 

[matildawong]

Hi Irishgrrrrl, joflier, and deegee.

I''m glad you started this thread, Irishgrrrl. I was thinking there should be one.

I just typed 10 different posts trying to explain my CFBC status and then deleted them. We''re getting married next month. FI is 39 and I''m 36. He had a bad marriage that left him in financial ruin; I spent my 20s partying and moving back and forth across the country. We are just now settling down in our late 30s like most people did in their mid-20s. Opening a savings account! Woo!

I always thought I would have kids. I babysat for years. I''m a nanny now! But we don''t have the money or the resources. And I do like the idea of being the princess of the household, now that I''ve found someone I love so much.

As you can see, I am unsure. We are leaving it open but all signs point to no kids.

(I hope it''s ok that I posted in here ... I don''t have one friend that is CFBC so it''s nice to connect with others.)

 

[Pandora II]

I totally support people being CFBC - a lot of our friends our.

DH and I had a very long and serious talk and although we are TTC if we can''t have any, we will be very happy without any.

If you had asked me 2 years ago I would have said it was 90% certain that we would never have children. I''m 36 and DH is 33. Then we found our feelings changed. I think people do need to be aware that one or other partner may change their minds (DH was the first in our case) and when you get the babyfever it is somewhat all-consuming.

I do think it is terrible the amount of critiscm that people who are CFBC get from society as a whole.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

WELCOME, Deegee and Matilda!

Woo hoo!!! I just KNEW Jo and I weren''t the only ones!

Deegee, I''m so sorry to hear about your accident. Congratulations on your recovery . . . I''m sure today is a big day for you, since it''s exactly ten years since your accident! And good for you for realizing that no one else''s opinion matters but yours and your DH''s. I have a saying: that''s why it''s called a uterUS and not a uterY''ALL!!! LOL!

Matilda, OF COURSE it''s OK that you posted here! We''re glad to have you! Even if you''re unsure about having kids someday, I think that''s perfectly normal. It sometimes feels like everyone is so focused on getting married and having kids, and it''s hard for someone who is undecided about kids or who has decided for sure not to have kids. It sometimes feels like we''re totally alone! And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! BTW, I love your new avatar . . . your kitty is adorable!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/29/2008 8:24:19 AM
Author: Pandora II
I totally support people being CFBC - a lot of our friends our.

DH and I had a very long and serious talk and although we are TTC if we can't have any, we will be very happy without any.

If you had asked me 2 years ago I would have said it was 90% certain that we would never have children. I'm 36 and DH is 33. Then we found our feelings changed. I think people do need to be aware that one or other partner may change their minds (DH was the first in our case) and when you get the babyfever it is somewhat all-consuming.

I do think it is terrible the amount of critiscm that people who are CFBC get from society as a whole.

Pandora, thanks for checking in!

It's nice to hear from someone who is going to have kids, but who thinks it's OK to be CFBC. So many people, especially when they are TTC or pregnant or have a newborn, just don't understand those of us who are CFBC. It's refreshing to hear from someone who does understand!

And I agree . . . feelings do sometimes change. That's why DH and I have always been very open about this issue with each other. We've agreed that if one of us someday feels like maybe kids wouldn't be such a bad thing, we're should feel very free to discuss that with the other person. I don't really see our minds changing, but you never know.

ETA: I do have to admit that we have names picked out, just in case! Sean Patrick for a boy (DH's idea), and Rylee Grace for a girl (my idea)! LOL!

 

[joflier]

Woohoo!!!! I knew there were some more of us!

Welcome deegee and matilda! And thanks for sharing your support pandora.
Deegee - sorry to hear about your accident anniversary. I''m glad you''ve had an overall good recovery. It just got me thinking, how just a couple of seconds out of our whole lives, can change everything, bodywise, for the rest of your life. I used to do a lot of gymnastics in high school, and then had a fairly serious back injury from a bad landing, and had to drop out, and still suffer with chronic pain from it, years later. Sometimes I think too, that my body couldn''t handle the added stress of pregnancy.

 

[nytemist]

Irishgrrrl- Thank you for starting this! I know while ago there was a thread about people who makes comments, sometimes rude comments, to people who choose not have children.

1: There never was a point that I decided not have kids. It''s just never occured to me. A big plus is that my dad taught me the point of view to do what I want to do in life, not what everyone else thinks you should do. Now, I''m the first one in the room to want to hold an infant. My SIL just had her baby and I can''t wait to see him during Christmas (she''s out of state) But I never had that craving for children. Some people just ''know'', they feel it, sometimes at a real early age. One of my cousins always said that she didn''t want kids, probably starting about ten. Her parents would laugh it off. Now she''s 34, happily married for 12 years and her and her husband are loving life doing what they want. I''m the same way- no urge and too many other things I want to do.

2: I''ve never questioned it. Others question it enough for me! (you kow the classic "who will take care of your when you''re old?")

3: Fortunately, the husband''s parents never pressured their kids to produce grandchildren. With me, my mother prods me occassionally and, outside of a few other CF people I kow, EVERYONE else asks us when were having them. One of best friends just can''t understand the concet that it''s a choice, not an expectation. Just can''t process it. She loves to tell me ''but you would be such a good mom, look how you are with kids...'' Yep I''m great with young kids- I''m silly, love playing with toy trucks and running around in the yard and swings and all that. They love me, but I get to give the kids back.

I know I mentioned it in the other thread, but I''ve gotten the whole range of comments- ''you''ll regret it'', ''how sad'', you''re so selfish'', ''children are what make you an adult'', ''what makes you so important that there is no room in your life for a child?'', ''that''s a sin against God'' (one of the funny since I''m Wiccan), ''it''s different when the kids are you''re own'', ''it''s not all about you'', and the number one insult I''ve gotten- ''the why get married? Sex has no meaning unless you are creating a child. I actually laughed at the woman that said that to me.

I feel strongly about this. Not that I''m running around bashing parents, but it makes me mental each time extended family or friends so something like "we''re waiting for you guys!" Nope, sorry. I got married to my friend, drinking buddy, partner in crime, travel mate and it wil be the two of us, well four plus his cats. My other friend said to me a while ago, ''you''re coming up on 37, you should get started'' knowing how I feel. I laughed it off, saying I don''t need anything to make my boobs any bigger.

 

[joflier]

Date: 8/29/2008 10:37:09 AM
Author: nytemist
Irishgrrrl- Thank you for starting this! I know while ago there was a thread about people who makes comments, sometimes rude comments, to people who choose not have children.

1: There never was a point that I decided not have kids. It's just never occured to me. A big plus is that my dad taught me the point of view to do what I want to do in life, not what everyone else thinks you should do. Now, I'm the first one in the room to want to hold an infant. My SIL just had her baby and I can't wait to see him during Christmas (she's out of state) But I never had that craving for children. Some people just 'know', they feel it, sometimes at a real early age. One of my cousins always said that she didn't want kids, probably starting about ten. Her parents would laugh it off. Now she's 34, happily married for 12 years and her and her husband are loving life doing what they want. I'm the same way- no urge and too many other things I want to do.

2: I've never questioned it. Others question it enough for me! (you kow the classic 'who will take care of your when you're old?')

3: Fortunately, the husband's parents never pressured their kids to produce grandchildren. With me, my mother prods me occassionally and, outside of a few other CF people I kow, EVERYONE else asks us when were having them. One of best friends just can't understand the concet that it's a choice, not an expectation. Just can't process it. She loves to tell me 'but you would be such a good mom, look how you are with kids...' Yep I'm great with young kids- I'm silly, love playing with toy trucks and running around in the yard and swings and all that. They love me, but I get to give the kids back.

I know I mentioned it in the other thread, but I've gotten the whole range of comments- 'you'll regret it', 'how sad', you're so selfish', 'children are what make you an adult', 'what makes you so important that there is no room in your life for a child?', 'that's a sin against God' (one of the funny since I'm Wiccan), 'it's different when the kids are you're own', 'it's not all about you', and the number one insult I've gotten- 'the why get married? Sex has no meaning unless you are creating a child. I actually laughed at the woman that said that to me.

I feel strongly about this. Not that I'm running around bashing parents, but it makes me mental each time extended family or friends so something like 'we're waiting for you guys!' Nope, sorry. I got married to my friend, drinking buddy, partner in crime, travel mate and it wil be the two of us, well four plus his cats. My other friend said to me a while ago, 'you're coming up on 37, you should get started' knowing how I feel. I laughed it off, saying I don't need anything to make my boobs any bigger.

Selfish???? Oh geeeez!!

That's my favorite. Just seems to me that it might be a tad bit more selfish for someone to HAVE a child when their not prepared or willing to give him/her a 101% committment.

Sin against God.....yeah.

Sometimes its hard to believe the things people say. Not just on this subject, but on anything!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/29/2008 10:37:09 AM
Author: nytemist
Irishgrrrl- Thank you for starting this! I know while ago there was a thread about people who makes comments, sometimes rude comments, to people who choose not have children.

1: There never was a point that I decided not have kids. It''s just never occured to me. A big plus is that my dad taught me the point of view to do what I want to do in life, not what everyone else thinks you should do. Now, I''m the first one in the room to want to hold an infant. My SIL just had her baby and I can''t wait to see him during Christmas (she''s out of state) But I never had that craving for children. Some people just ''know'', they feel it, sometimes at a real early age. One of my cousins always said that she didn''t want kids, probably starting about ten. Her parents would laugh it off. Now she''s 34, happily married for 12 years and her and her husband are loving life doing what they want. I''m the same way- no urge and too many other things I want to do.

2: I''ve never questioned it. Others question it enough for me! (you kow the classic ''who will take care of your when you''re old?'')

3: Fortunately, the husband''s parents never pressured their kids to produce grandchildren. With me, my mother prods me occassionally and, outside of a few other CF people I kow, EVERYONE else asks us when were having them. One of best friends just can''t understand the concet that it''s a choice, not an expectation. Just can''t process it. She loves to tell me ''but you would be such a good mom, look how you are with kids...'' Yep I''m great with young kids- I''m silly, love playing with toy trucks and running around in the yard and swings and all that. They love me, but I get to give the kids back.

I know I mentioned it in the other thread, but I''ve gotten the whole range of comments- ''you''ll regret it'', ''how sad'', you''re so selfish'', ''children are what make you an adult'', ''what makes you so important that there is no room in your life for a child?'', ''that''s a sin against God'' (one of the funny since I''m Wiccan), ''it''s different when the kids are you''re own'', ''it''s not all about you'', and the number one insult I''ve gotten- ''the why get married? Sex has no meaning unless you are creating a child. I actually laughed at the woman that said that to me.

I feel strongly about this. Not that I''m running around bashing parents, but it makes me mental each time extended family or friends so something like ''we''re waiting for you guys!'' Nope, sorry. I got married to my friend, drinking buddy, partner in crime, travel mate and it wil be the two of us, well four plus his cats. My other friend said to me a while ago, ''you''re coming up on 37, you should get started'' knowing how I feel. I laughed it off, saying I don''t need anything to make my boobs any bigger.

Hi, Nytemist!

The one I highlighted above is what really gets to me!

How dare anyone assume that a marriage is worthless and a waste of time, just because it doesn''t include children?!?! There is SO much more to marriage than just having children, and I feel sorry for anyone who feels differently. They either need to adjust their attitude, or improve their marriage! I married DH because I love him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, not because he''s a potential sperm donor!!!

 

[nytemist]

It''s amazing how bad people can be. Rude isn''t a strong enough word. I realize where they are coming from- they think being a parent is the World''s Best Experience and can''t imagine no one would want to do it, that children are a miraculous blessing. Sorry, they aren''t a miracle, the female of any species can reproduce. Now I know that sounds mean to some, but that''s how I feel and it''s the truth.

The selfish comment to me ties into the ''who will take care of you when you''re old''. So many people believe this is one of the reason to have children. Let me tell you, it isn''t. Long ago when my dad was in the hospital (a V.A hospital) he told me there were bunch of guys there that rarely or never had visits from their kids. My sister is a nurse and early in her career she workd in a nursing home and said it was painful to see how many follks were essentionally put there and forgotten about. They would call these people''s kids when the parent was a failing condition and often the kids would not show up to see them one last time and handle arrangements by phone, or not do anything. Crazy! I do undestand that some have horrible relationships with their parents (I''m one of them, don''t get along with my mother). So there is no guarantee that those kids will be there for you. Which is more selfish, to have them so they can take of you and you feel robbed from living life the way you want and having the child sense the resentment in you? Or not?

I''ve been told that we would be good parents since we''re both smart, college-educated, reasonably good-looking and would make great, productive kids. I''m sure Dahmer''s and Hitler''s parents must have thought that too at some point.

A friend of mine is CF and gets crap from people she works with. She has that saying on a little sticker on her office wall ''if I want to hear the patter of little feet I''ll put shoes on my cat''. One of her employees quit becuase she felt "uncomfortable in such an anti-child enviroment''.

I''ve seen the site true mom confessions, boy I don''t feel like I''m missing out at all!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 8/29/2008 10:37:09 AM
Author: nytemist
Irishgrrrl- Thank you for starting this! I know while ago there was a thread about people who makes comments, sometimes rude comments, to people who choose not have children.

Was it my thread about my coworkers dismissing my marriage as unfit to be called a marriage without kids?

I''ll likely come back to this thread later and post, but I was up all night with cramps and feel like hell warmed over at the moment.

 

[Jas12]

Hi gals

There are 3 couples in my family whom i am very close with that are CFBC and do not regret it (at least not that they have admitted to anyone in my family). All 3 couples are in their mid to late 40''s and lead full, happy lives. my mom constantly whines about how she thinks they are selfish. Prior to having kids i always came to their defense and she assured me that once i had my son i would understand her point of view. Well, he''s 4.5 months now and nope, i still totally understand their position. It is a huge, life consuming job that isn''t for everyone ---and who says it has to be?
It does take strength to stick with that decision and weather the (undue) criticism that will often follow, but much less so than raising a kid you didn''t really want or felt pressured into having!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/29/2008 11:48:17 AM
Author: Galateia

Date: 8/29/2008 10:37:09 AM
Author: nytemist
Irishgrrrl- Thank you for starting this! I know while ago there was a thread about people who makes comments, sometimes rude comments, to people who choose not have children.

Was it my thread about my coworkers dismissing my marriage as unfit to be called a marriage without kids?

I''ll likely come back to this thread later and post, but I was up all night with cramps and feel like hell warmed over at the moment.

Galateia, I did see that thread, and it really got me thinking. I''ve had the same issues with coworkers, friends and family members. I just don''t understand why other people think it''s their business?!?!

Please do come back and post! Hope ya feel better!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/29/2008 12:27:09 PM
Author: Jas12
Hi gals

There are 3 couples in my family whom i am very close with that are CFBC and do not regret it (at least not that they have admitted to anyone in my family). All 3 couples are in their mid to late 40''s and lead full, happy lives. my mom constantly whines about how she thinks they are selfish. Prior to having kids i always came to their defense and she assured me that once i had my son i would understand her point of view. Well, he''s 4.5 months now and nope, i still totally understand their position. It is a huge, life consuming job that isn''t for everyone ---and who says it has to be?
It does take strength to stick with that decision and weather the (undue) criticism that will often follow, but much less so than raising a kid you didn''t really want or felt pressured into having!

Jas, your little boy is adorable!

Thanks for checking in! It''s great to know that you don''t suddenly become "one of them" when you''ve had a kid! I''m glad you can still appreciate and respect the decision that your family members have made. I think you''re right . . . some people are cut out for parenting and some just aren''t. I think DH and I might fall into the "aren''t" category. We both have very stressful, time consuming careers, and I just can''t imagine fitting a child into our life. It''s hard enough to make time for three dogs and a horse!!!

 

[joflier]

I just totally don''t get the "selfish" mentality. As a woman, is that really all that we''re here for? Is that all that I''m worth is the children I produce? I think not!

 

[Dreamer_D]

Although I have personally chosen to have children, I''m appalled at the discrimination that couples face when they are CFBC. It''s amazing that others even think it is their business!

I am in academia and there are many people in my field who opted not to have children, especially women. They all lead very fulfilled lives and don''t seem to have any issues now that they are getting older and "don''t have anyone to look after them"

. My graduate school supervisor and his wife are child free, and I know he has felt a tremendous sense of generativity and contribution by supervising 28 graduate students during his 35 year career. In many ways, we are his "children" and he takes great pride in the role he played in helping us launch into the world of academe. I know there are moments where he wishes for some of the more positive aspects of extended family, but he reaps a lot of rewards from not having children.. like lots a lots of disposable income, being able to vacation wherever he wants for months at a time, and general freedom of movement and choice. Those are some nice perks!

 

[Linda W]

Hi IG, how are you my friend

I just wanted to pop in here to answer your question.

One of my close girlfriends and her hubby chose not to have any children. They are happy with their choice. They have been married for almost 30 years.

They love to travel and spend their free time doing that.


Linda (another supa granny) tee hee.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Jo ~ VERY well said!

Dreamer ~ Thank you for being understanding! It''s so nice to hear of someone who has/plans to have children but doesn''t judge those of us who have chosen not to for whatever reason. And I agree that one can live a VERY fulfilling life without being a parent!

Linda ~ How''s my favorite Supa Granny today?!?!

I''m so glad to hear about your friends who have had a happy marriage of nearly 30 years, without children. They are a testament to the fact that a loving, fulfilling marriage doesn''t necessarily include children! Good for them!

 

[Linda W]

IG,

I can''t begin to tell you, how many times they were asked when they were going to have children. They were so sick and tired of hearing it. Once they reached 40, family finally quit asking. They are the "adopted" grandparents to their great nieces and nephews and they love the job. They take them on vacations with them at times and they play with my grandboys.

I have another girlfriend, who chose not to have children too. She is my age. She is a widow now and loves spending time with my grandboys when she visits.


Linda

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 8/29/2008 3:59:08 PM
Author: Linda W
IG,

I can''t begin to tell you, how many times they were asked when they were going to have children. They were so sick and tired of hearing it. Once they reached 40, family finally quit asking. They are the ''adopted'' grandparents to their great nieces and nephews and they love the job. They take them on vacations with them at times and they play with my grandboys.

I have another girlfriend, who chose not to have children too. She is my age. She is a widow now and loves spending time with my grandboys when she visits.


Linda

WOW! I have ten more years to go!!!

 

[Linda W]

IG, just keep clarifying that it is you and your hubbies choice not to have children. Most likely they will keep hounding you anyway. tee hee.

Linda