Why are people so nasty about not having children?

[galeteia]

Warning: Vent Ahead.

To avoid derailing Sha''s thread further, I thought I would start a new thread. My question is, why do people take it upon themselves to be so rude and inappropriate when they learn one is not having children?

It would never occur to me to deride a person''s choice to have children or attempt to convince them not to have them.

What gives?

This thread was prompted by my experiences last night at a colleague''s farewell party, where I was told that anything I could experience with my partner is pathetic and soulless compared to "making love when you are making a baby" and that if I am not having children, I do not have the right to use the word "mate" when referring to my FI, since that word no longer has any relevant meaning in my case.

This was from two separate people, both of whom were drunk and would be otherwise polite as we are on good terms, but I was shocked and hurt that people think that they have the right to say these outrageous things to me, drunk or not.

The second person, who asserted I have no right to refer to my choice of FF as "choosing my mate", told me that he was essentially offended that a woman as intelligent/accomplished/etc as me was not passing on my genes, as if I somehow owed humanity my offspring, devil take what I might want to do with my intelligence, accomplishments, and ambitions.

I cannot conceive of how my choice to have kids or not gives anyone the right to become offended. I might be mixing up my grammar there a little, but hot damn, I''m peeved.

Do people who have children somehow feel that I am casting aspersions on their choice by choosing not to have them? Someone was actually arguing with me that I should give up my passion and career because having children and passing on my talents was more important than developing or using them myself. And if I have a daughter with the same gifts, does that mean that she too is not allowed to use them, but instead she too must only seek to pass them on to the next generation?

How does that make any sense? How can people feel it is okay for to say these kinds of things to me? I wish that this only happened when people were drunk but sadly I hear this kind of thing all the time.

When in the real world, I do not tell people how much I dislike children, because even though they feel entitled to have an enjoyable put-down of me and my choice not to have kids, should I whisper an inkling of disillusionment with having little darlings like their own precious snowflakes, it''s like I''ve just spat in their face and then I really hear it.

And by ''whisper'' I mean things like "I really don''t have a maternal instinct" and "I don''t particularly like children" and "I can''t see myself having kids." The SHOCK and HORROR! I really should stop using such inflammatory language.

That concludes my vent. Sometimes the hypocrisy just gets too much and it feels like I''m going to explode.

I''d love to hear people''s opinions on this matter.

 

[erica k]

On the flip side, why do several of my good friends express disapproval when I mention that I am thinking about having children? Do they think I''m unfit to be a parent? Or are they concerned with overpopulation? I don''t really care, regardless.

Things I avoid talking about with most people: religion, politics, children, money, sports, and pretty much everything else.

This is how I get through another day of being social (I''m pretty reclusive as it is): I listen to their problems, opinions, etc., nod sympathetically, and take another sip of bourbon. (Anything to get me through their self-centered speeches about how important and singular their experiences are).

Nowadays I feel like pretty much every person I meet thinks that their opinion is the only one that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but whatever happened to civility? I guess I''m a grumpy misanthrope. I feel like most people are nasty and rude without realizing it. Someone should have taught them better manners a long time ago. Whatever happened to putting yourself in someone else''s shoes?

In your case, it sounds like these people have some sexist attitudes that are tied up with the issue of having children. Ignore them, or cut them out of your life. Deciding whether or not to have children is an entirely personal matter. Take a deep breath (or swig of beer), smile politely, and tell them that the conversation has taken an inappropriate turn. There are no free passes in life. I don''t mince words, nor do I tiptoe around people because of their ''special situations'' (i.e., having had children). If they are behaving inappropriately and I cannot account for their behavior, then I will tell them off (as civilly as possible).

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 3/8/2008 10:44:22 PM
Author: erica k
Nowadays I feel like pretty much every person I meet thinks that their opinion is the only one that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but whatever happened to civility? I guess I''m a grumpy misanthrope. I feel like most people are nasty and rude without realizing it. Someone should have taught them better manners a long time ago. Whatever happened to putting yourself in someone else''s shoes?

People became rude and nasty the minute that it was discovered that one can say whatever the heck they feel like on the internet without any sense of guilt or shame, and since people spend hours online not engaging in face-to-face contact, the sense of disassociation has caused this whole problem to spiral out of control on the real-life level.

 

[Miranda]

Date: 3/8/2008 11:45:25 PM
Author: MC

Date: 3/8/2008 10:44:22 PM
Author: erica k
Nowadays I feel like pretty much every person I meet thinks that their opinion is the only one that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but whatever happened to civility? I guess I''m a grumpy misanthrope. I feel like most people are nasty and rude without realizing it. Someone should have taught them better manners a long time ago. Whatever happened to putting yourself in someone else''s shoes?

People became rude and nasty the minute that it was discovered that one can say whatever the heck they feel like on the internet without any sense of guilt or shame, and since people spend hours online not engaging in face-to-face contact, the sense of disassociation has caused this whole problem to spiral out of control on the real-life level.

To further this train of thought, I often wonder if one reason society is becoming more and more rude because of reality TV. Most shows are just plain mean IMO. The entire point of some shows is to oust someone else and there is usually nothing but backstabbing. Personally, I don''t understand why people need to watch other people''s drama unfold on television...Then again, I''m not a TV person so I guess I''m not in their marketing target group

.

Galateia, the folks at your colleague''s farewell party were plain mean and out of line. It''s my opinion, and that of almost every other person I know, that if you don''t have a burning desire for children, you are very smart and doing the right thing by not having them. I''m sorry you are feeling hurt and angry. Sometimes people just want the *moral* high ground and love making people feel bad to feel better about themselves.

 

[monarch64]

Date: 3/8/2008 11:45:25 PM
Author: MC

Date: 3/8/2008 10:44:22 PM
Author: erica k
Nowadays I feel like pretty much every person I meet thinks that their opinion is the only one that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but whatever happened to civility? I guess I''m a grumpy misanthrope. I feel like most people are nasty and rude without realizing it. Someone should have taught them better manners a long time ago. Whatever happened to putting yourself in someone else''s shoes?

People became rude and nasty the minute that it was discovered that one can say whatever the heck they feel like on the internet without any sense of guilt or shame, and since people spend hours online not engaging in face-to-face contact, the sense of disassociation has caused this whole problem to spiral out of control on the real-life level.

Talk about hitting the nail on the head, MC! You said it!

For the record, (and I just now read the other thread) I am 100% in support of whatever decision couples make re. having children and am happy for those who choose to have children or those who don''t. DH and I, being married for over 4 years and no kiddies on the horizon at this time, have heard our share of comments from both camps, and others'' unsolicited opinions really have made zero impact on us at all. I guess we just can''t bring ourselves to care all that much about what our friends and relatives "think" we should do. We''re just having fun, living life, and no one else''s comments are about to penetrate this bubble o'' love.

 

[somethingshiny]

Galateia, I completely understand, but from the other side. When my DH and I were trying to have a baby, the majority of the world though we were too young, inexperienced, and general dunces to possibly conceive let alone RAISE a child. Unfortunately, the big mouths are always the ones who have problems of their own.

I don''t think anyone should have a child if they do not want to. I can''t imagine telling someone who doesn''t want to be a parent, that they NEED to have children to be fulfilled. And, for the record, in my experience, making love to have a child is about the least turned on you can be.

I agree that people no longer try to stay socially polite. That line wasn''t just stepped over, it was leaped over and then back-flipped, and that person is now on the other side of the room with a hoola-hoop!

Sorry this was such a bad experience for you!

 

[chiapet]

Date: 3/8/2008 10:24:21 PM
Author:Galateia
Warning: Vent Ahead.

What gives?

Galateia, I totally sympathize with you! I get the same reactions too when I tell people that I don''t want to have kids. My standard answer is "I don''t want to get stretch marks"

Of course that''s not the real reason but I sure as heck don''t want to share my personal issues to nosy people.

 

[brazen_irish_hussy]

Personally, I applaud you. I want children and could not imagnine not having them in my furture, but with the current situation in the world, I think it is substantially more socially responsable to have no kids then to have 3+. I might, when home alone with my FI make remarks about someone with many kids and we certainly tease the family that has 17, but we would NEVER say anything to people who chose to do it differently from us.

I had a friend with this same problem. She was actually infertile and took it as a sign that she was not meant to have kids. When she found herself in a situation like yours, she gave a long speech about how women fought so hard to have rights like those not to have kids and who were they to try and subjegate her body to their whims and wasn''t her being forced into having children the same as rape in that is was someone trying to force control of her womb etc. She alsways did the speech so well that the people would walk away thuroughly embaressed and I bet even when drunk they never said anything to anyone again.

 

[Kaleigh]

I shake my head when people are so rude. I don''t get it. Myself, I think if you don''t want kids that''s fine. If you want to have kids thats fine. I really don''t get all the nastiness that surrounds something that is NONE of THEIR business. It''s a personal decision that should remain private and not up for public discussion. But people don''t respect boundaries, they think they can impose their thoughts on you and what they think is right. Give me a break.

 

[Mara]

In my experience, people who have children feel like it's the best thing ever, and they want everyone else to experience it too. And god forbid that someone be unsure or adamant about experiencing/not experiencing it. Of course most people are tactful about not saying what they are thinking, but some people aren't.

We are unsure re: having kids and people always tell us we'll change our mind because of how wonderful it is, etc etc. Well thing is we won't know how wonderful it is til we actually become parents...so why do people feel like they can 'convince' us that it's fabulous? Do they really think that anyone will be like 'by gosh darn golly you are right! we would make fabulous parents! please excuse us while we procreate!'??

I think that should be each person's own decision and not influenced at all by outside individuals or family members or other well-meaning people who want to impart their fabulous wisdom. No one is going to have to conceive, birth, raise that child but you and your partner...so you do what you want. To each their own.

 

[TravelingGal]

Galateia, you just have to live with the mindset that the general public is stupid so these things don''t throw you for a loop.

I really don''t get people who say you have to have kids either. As you probably know, I''m pregnant now. And you know what? People are already telling me I *have* to have two kids, because only children are weird. One of the people who said that was my own brother. I consider him pretty bright and I know he said it half in jest...but hello...we''re a two sibling family and we turned out weird! I believe in equal opportunity weirdness. I tell you, other people''s opinions never end.

I''ll be honest with you...while I am sure I will like being a mom and will probably be one of those annoying people who say that they would not trade motherhood for anything, I can tell you that right now, as it stands - which is 2.5 weeks before my due date, I would have been FINE not ever getting pregnant. Sure, I''ve enjoyed it. It''s a cool experience, and I think a special one. But I honestly think I would be equally wonderfully fine if it didn''t happen. I''m not sitting here thinking, boy I am SO glad I am pregnant...other women are REALLY missing out by not going through this.

Mothers that only talk about their kids irritate me (I have a friend like this). People said I would change when I got pregnant and have kids. Well you know what? I didn''t. I haven''t gone nuts over the whole experience, I still don''t have my sh*t together to bring home this baby, and I actually have faith that things will work itself out because babies are pretty resilient. The aforementioned irritating friend went on and on the other day about how I NEEDED a wipe warmer because would *I* like to be woken up with a cold wipe on my a**? It''s cruel not to use one, yada yada yada. Again, opinions, opinions, advice and more opinions. Whatever. My kid will survive.

People who tell you that kids are the best thing ever probably are those who dreamed of having kids since they were tots themselves and don''t realize that not everyone thinks like that. Lord knows I didn''t.

 

[monarch64]

Re: the previous two posts: WHY do you and Mara always seem to speak right to my heart???

 

[Love in Bloom]

Date: 3/9/2008 5:42:42 AM
Author: monarch64
Re: the previous two posts: WHY do you and Mara always seem to speak right to my heart???

Never thought in a million years I would post regarding this topic, but ditto to Monnie!

Posted: 3/9/2008 3:07:18 AM
Author: Mara

We are unsure re: having kids and people always tell us we''ll change our mind because of how wonderful it is, etc etc. Well thing is we won''t know how wonderful it is til we actually become parents...so why do people feel like they can ''convince'' us that it''s fabulous? Do they really think that anyone will be like ''by gosh darn golly you are right! we would make fabulous parents! please excuse us while we procreate!''??

I''ll have to try that one...

 

[monarch64]

LIB, what cha doin' up so late!

ETA: I should have said: "what cha doin up so early?" Hope you're not snowed in....just talked with my mom tonight and she said down in Bedford there is a ton of snow. Of course B'ton has more snow removal, right? Haven't lived there for so long I forget what a big snow is like. Take care, anyway.

 

[Love in Bloom]

Hey Monarch

. I couldn''t sleep, so it''s a late ''night'' for me

. While we were not technically snowed in...there were tons of weather advisories although the roads are probably clear. I wouldn''t know though because I haven''t left my house since Wednesday

. Hope the weather is nicer where you are, and you take care too

!

 

[bee*]

Date: 3/9/2008 1:51:09 AM
Author: Kaleigh
I shake my head when people are so rude. I don''t get it. Myself, I think if you don''t want kids that''s fine. If you want to have kids thats fine. I really don''t get all the nastiness that surrounds something that is NONE of THEIR business. It''s a personal decision that should remain private and not up for public discussion. But people don''t respect boundaries, they think they can impose their thoughts on you and what they think is right. Give me a break.

totally agree with this. It''s ridiculous. If you don''t want kids, then why should you have them because other people think that you should. I personally thought that I''d never want them but my mindset has changed a bit on that and now I think that I might want them, although not for a good while. It''s a personal decision that each couple have to make for themselves.

 

[jas]

Galateia,

I have absolutely nothing of value to add other than my sympathies. I started to run across the "entitled to my opinion" (read: "Everyone is entitled to my opinion!") attitude a few years back when I was still teaching middle schoolers.

It was a weird, sudden evolution of stating rather stark, cruel, insensitive, harsh, (often beyond the usual middle school level) opinions and capping said opinions with, "Well, that''s just how I feel." In other words, manners be damned, I have freedom of opinion and freedom of speech and I''m exercising both! Judgement? What judgement?

I figured it was the new teen thing until I heard pretty much the same from the parents, too. I don''t know what has gone on in the last few years (I refuse to tie this to 9/11, as some of my colleagues have theorized) but it''s disturbing. I have heard some pretty darned rude things from students'' parents about things that were my choice and things that were not my choice, just my lot in life (lots and lots of unsolicited comments about my looks.)

DH says (and I read a similar quote in another thread here on PS) that opinions are like a***oles: everyone''s got one. I would add that from a lot of people these days, you pretty much get the same result from each.

P.S. Hey, girl, I''m pregnant with twins! Join me! Share the joy of the zits, the exhaustion, the tooting, the belching, the backaches, the constant worry, the SHAMING from other parents over choices I''ve made and decisions I haven''t yet, and the totally invasive questions from strangers! It''s AWESOME!

P.P.S There is a comedian whose name escapes me who did a bit about this. He wondered why all of his friends with kids kept trying to convince him to have kids. He riffed that he believed that all parents are secretly miserable zombies who are trying to get the happy-go-lucky kidless couples to join the misery club.

P.P.P.S Now I''m a gonna worry if someone is going to flame me for the previous two comments!

 

[Ellen]

I think it''s great that you actually thought about it, and decided not to. I think this is a prime example of how different things are today, compared to "way back when". Almost no one actually thought about having kids, they just did. And there''s many parents out there that probably shouldn''t have.

So I applaud you for actually thinking about this, and making an educated decision on such an important endeavor. And I''m sure you can think of some sassy comeback, should this extremely rude situation ever arise again.

 

[Mara]

lol monnie!! well i think we are all kind of around the same stage in our lives so we probably have all heard the same sort of nonsense that gala has...the diff between gala''s rude people and ours is that ours also add in ''you''ve been married for almost 4 years now, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR''....as if somehow that factors in....oh gosh has it really been 4 years? we are SO remiss that we don''t have 3 kids already! better get on it.

life is short and we are trying to experience what we can. we have seen how children change our friends'' lives and if we go that path we want to feel like we don''t have any regrets. of course we always run the risk that we''ll take too long experiencing life to the fullest and then we may have problems conceiving or just decide it''s not for us...but we figure we''ll play it by ear until then and not worry about it.

jas...lol that PPS you added, Greg says the same exact thing..he''s like people who want to push you on having kids just want you to be as miserable as they are with poopy diapers and 3am feedings. while i don''t believe that, having seen how happy many of our friends are with parenthood, i also know the realities, i strongly remember my sister being born when i was age 16 and how i was basically her 2nd mom...it was a lot of work (she was a projectile vomiter!!) and yes a lot of joy as she was a fabulous baby, but i ain''t in no rush to relive that yet!!

 

[AGBF]

Date: 3/9/2008 3:07:18 AM
Author: Mara

In my experience, people who have children feel like it''s the best thing ever, and they want everyone else to experience it too.

Are you sure that that is the dynamic at work, Mara? As the mother of real child I can only say that I often wish parenting only on my enemies (and on my own daughter).

Deborah

 

[Mara]

Date: 3/9/2008 12:00:05 PM
Author: AGBF

Date: 3/9/2008 3:07:18 AM
Author: Mara

In my experience, people who have children feel like it''s the best thing ever, and they want everyone else to experience it too.

Are you sure that that is the dynamic at work, Mara? As the mother of real child I can only say that I often wish parenting only on my enemies (and on my own daughter).

Deborah

Hee Hee Deb you are being so honest....!!! So many people are like...Parenthood is the BEST THING EVERRRRRRRR...!!!! And us childless types are like seriously come on be honest.

 

[musey]

I really don't speak from any kind of first-hand experience, but...

My first instinct would be that they're trying to justify their own choices and lifestyle by criticizing yours. Many couples (moms, primarily) place SO much of their self worth on the fact that they are raising children, that to hear anyone dismiss it as unimportant to them puts them on the defensive. How dare you imply that child-rearing isn't the single most valuable contribution a woman/couple can make to the world!

I've always loved kids and always planned on having one or two. I think it's great when people who don't feel that way about children can be honest with themselves, and not force their life into the mold that society tends to prescribe. Not only does it save them the heartache of having to devote their life to something that they never really wanted in the first place, it also does the rest of society a favor by not contributing to overpopulation and the potential drain that each new life puts on a community's shared resources.

I say to each their own! If you wanna have kids, fine, and if you don't--that means less crowded schools for the people who do choose to become parents.

 

[diamondsrock]

I think people are just so rude in general that I'm not surprised. Everyone thinks their opinion is the best. Sorry if that sounds negative but that's how I feel lately. People just have such an arrogant attitude about them.
I applaud anyone's decision whether to have kids or not. It's so personal, who am I to tell someone what they should do? Having a child is a 100% commitment and if someone isn't up for it, I would never tell them that they "must" experience it. Why push someone into something they don't want? It is rewarding, no doubt, but it's not for everyone. The same way having 5 kids is rewarding but I"m ok with my one! There are so many different types of families, one child, two children, 10 children, no children....they are all ok!

 

[Ellen]

Date: 3/9/2008 12:00:05 PM
Author: AGBF


As the mother of real child I can only say that I often wish parenting only on my enemies (and on my own daughter).

Deborah

 

[canuk-gal]

Date: 3/9/2008 12:00:05 PM
Author: AGBF

Date: 3/9/2008 3:07:18 AM
Author: Mara

In my experience, people who have children feel like it''s the best thing ever, and they want everyone else to experience it too.

Are you sure that that is the dynamic at work, Mara? As the mother of real child I can only say that I often wish parenting only on my enemies (and on my own daughter).Deborah

HI:

Always so funny and spropos Deb!

I honestly don''t know why it is important for human being to pass judgement on other''s situations, but they just do. Period. Whether it is about child bearing, child rearing, finances, choice of partners, rings, house, job and the list goes on. Thing is you don''t have to like it, but at some point and on some level you are simply going to have to accept that somebody somehere will comment on your situation. Forever.

It doesn''t begin or end with chosing not to have kids.

For example, I have one biological child. Even now at age 45 something STILL I get: "OH, only one? "Why"? "Why don''t you try for another"?

And how about my neighbour, who has six kids, have people following her around att he mall or soccer games asking her about the "numbers of kids, did they plan on SO many, did they not use birth control, etc etc" and these are STRANGERS".

How about the questions about "whether you know the gender of the child, or whether you will breast feed"?

So whether you have kids or not, are single or not, or WHATEVER or not, people are simply going to ask. You can choose your response that does not have to be defensible.

cheers--Sharon

 

[Fancy605]

To me, it's a lifestyle choice. Some people find that children fit their lifestyles. Some people find that children do not fit their lifestyles. Some people accidentally and suddenly find themselves with child and just make it work. That's about the long and short of it. Being critical of someone's individual lifestyle choice as far as children go to me is just as unacceptable as being critical of someone's lifestyle choice as far as sexuality goes. Some people just don't fit into this nice little box that others seem to find comfortable.

Luckily, the majority of my friends, like me, prefer a no-child lifestyle at this juncture.

For the friends and colleagues who prefer to have children, my husband has found that this is a good catch all response: "Of course we want kids eventually. As many as we can afford to raise responsibly and comfortably." (Which now of course is 0) That generally ends the conversation with no unpleasantness. Of course I'll leave him to think of something else clever to say once it is apparent that we could afford to responsibly and comfortably raise several children.

 

[Haven]

Galateia--I''m sorry to hear that your colleagues felt entitled to judge your decisions. I applaud you for actually thinking about whether you want children rather than just having them because that''s what is expected of you.

I''ve witnessed several conversations in which people have basically tried (passive aggressively) to make childless couples feel bad about their decision, and I can''t help but thinking: What if it wasn''t their choice? What if a couple cannot have children? How awful would that feel for the couple?

The bottom line: It''s nobody''s business. Period.

I do agree with the other posters that it seems like people generally believe that others are entitled and interesting in hearing their opinions. In truth, I think one reason that I love PS so much is that I can come on here and solicit advice from others, and give advice to others who are asking for it. In real life I never give advice unless its asked for, and even then I''m pretty cautious.

It seems like unsolicited advice comes in even larger doses when you''re going through big life-cycle events. Since my FI and I have been engaged, colleagues, friends, and relative strangers have been bombarding us with advice that we certainly did not solicit. We just smile and nod, but it does get exhausting after a while.

 

[anchor31]

I think it''s inappropriate to try to force your own opinion or values on someone else period, whether it''s about children or anything else. I''ve gotten quite a few "incidents" of the sort about my religious beliefs, my decision to not move in with my then-BF before engagement, and my decision to marry. It sucks. Everyone''s different. Everyone has different values, different experiences and different ways to deal with those experiences. I don''t get why some people seem to find it so offensive that everyone doesn''t agree with them.

As far as not wanting children goes, I really think it''s one of those "out-of-bounds" topics. Points of views can be discussed, but trying to "convert" anyone is inappropriate and rude. According to my own experience, reluctant parents can (meaning it''s not always the case, but it definitely happens) make very unhappy families. FI''s dad married and had children because it was expected of him, and he''s the most selfish, greediest father I''ve ever met. Yesterday, FI''s mom had to buy us our wedding gift in secret, for heaven''s sake, because he doesn''t want to spend a single penny on his adult children anymore. A friend of mine got pregnant unexpectedly over two years ago, and let me tell you it''s a very rocky family life for them. The saddest part of all the is that in the end it''s always the child who pays. If you don''t want children, don''t have them. You probably have very good reasons to not want them, so you''re probably better off. I think you mentioned health issues, so I think it''s a very legitimate reason.

 

[blondie23]

I completely agree that having children is a completely personal choice!!!!! I am in a similar situation, but instead of people being rude when I tell them that I am not interested in having children, my issue is that people ASSUME that we want children (because, God forbid, people may actually not want kids). And, what's worse is that the people who assume we want kids are not friends or even strangers, but my own mother and future mother in law. People who know that we don't want children ask me and my FI if we've told our families yet and we always respond with, "why should we? it's none of their business and we don't have to ask their permission if our choice to NOT have chldren is ok with them or meets their standards"....still i'm incredibly nervous about when my FMIL and mother start asking the questions...it's like others have said, people always have an opinion about EVERYTHING....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[crown1]

Date: 3/9/2008 12:40:24 PM
Author: canuk-gal

Date: 3/9/2008 12:00:05 PM

Author: AGBF

Date: 3/9/2008 3:07:18 AM

Author: Mara


In my experience, people who have children feel like it''s the best thing ever, and they want everyone else to experience it too.

Are you sure that that is the dynamic at work, Mara? As the mother of real child I can only say that I often wish parenting only on my enemies (and on my own daughter).Deborah

HI:


Always so funny and spropos Deb!


I honestly don''t know why it is important for human being to pass judgement on other''s situations, but they just do. Period. Whether it is about child bearing, child rearing, finances, choice of partners, rings, house, job and the list goes on. Thing is you don''t have to like it, but at some point and on some level you are simply going to have to accept that somebody somehere will comment on your situation. Forever.


It doesn''t begin or end with chosing not to have kids.


For example, I have one biological child. Even now at age 45 something STILL I get: ''OH, only one? ''Why''? ''Why don''t you try for another''?


And how about my neighbour, who has six kids, have people following her around att he mall or soccer games asking her about the ''numbers of kids, did they plan on SO many, did they not use birth control, etc etc'' and these are STRANGERS''.


How about the questions about ''whether you know the gender of the child, or whether you will breast feed''?


So whether you have kids or not, are single or not, or WHATEVER or not, people are simply going to ask. You can choose your response that does not have to be defensible.


cheers--Sharon

this is very true. good post.