Sooooo true! Especially my MIL . . . although she has gotten a little better lately.
Meeeeee toooooo!!!!!Date: 8/29/2008 6:37:32 PM
Author: joflier
I like spending money on me.
Right!!!! Its not like I''m going to go up to someone at the store during Back to School shopping, and say, "GASP!!!! How selfish are you? Spending all that money on your child, when you could be spending it on yourself!!!! Oh, for shame!" That''s just putting the vice versa on what''s been said to us, right?Date: 8/29/2008 7:21:07 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Meeeeee toooooo!!!!!Date: 8/29/2008 6:37:32 PM
Author: joflier
I like spending money on me.
It does drive me nuts when people who have kids judge DH and I based on the cars we drive, etc. Just because THEY have kids and don''t have the extra money for these things, why should we deprive ourselves of the things we want??? That''s one of the things people really need to consider before deciding to have children . . . THEY ARE EXPENSIVE!!!
EXACTLY, Jo! We don''t make a habit of judging people with kids for choosing to become parents . . . so why do they so often judge us for choosing NOT to?!?!Date: 8/29/2008 8:29:13 PM
Author: joflier
Right!!!! Its not like I''m going to go up to someone at the store during Back to School shopping, and say, ''GASP!!!! How selfish are you? Spending all that money on your child, when you could be spending it on yourself!!!! Oh, for shame!'' That''s just putting the vice versa on what''s been said to us, right?Date: 8/29/2008 7:21:07 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Meeeeee toooooo!!!!!Date: 8/29/2008 6:37:32 PM
Author: joflier
I like spending money on me.
It does drive me nuts when people who have kids judge DH and I based on the cars we drive, etc. Just because THEY have kids and don''t have the extra money for these things, why should we deprive ourselves of the things we want??? That''s one of the things people really need to consider before deciding to have children . . . THEY ARE EXPENSIVE!!!
Ohhhhhh, now that''s a good idea! I''d LOOOOOVE to see the look on their face! LOL!Date: 8/29/2008 11:00:05 PM
Author: dreamer_dachsie
LOL!NExt time you are out you should do it. Just be sure to take pictures of their faces and post them for us to see! That would be priceless!
ROFL!!! I love the rolling pin! LOL!Date: 8/30/2008 12:12:35 PM
Author: joflier
I think I might get beaten down by soccer mom!
Maybe they think that kids just are just great and they aren''t much work at all, just because they are not necessarily putting the work into childrearing that the kids deserve?Date: 8/31/2008 12:12:46 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Wow! Vacuum cleaner attachments??? Inventive, aren''t they?!?!
Ya know, the typical kids misbehaving and mom yelling scene is one that makes me SO glad that DH and I have decided not to have kids. One of my pet peeves is when we go out to dinner, to a movie, or to anywhere else where we''re trying to relax and enjoy ourselves, and there''s some screaming kid whose parents are doing absolutely nothing. I know what MY mom would have done if I had thrown a tantrum like that when I was little!!!
And these are usually the same people who feel the need to comment on our CFBC status, asking WHY IN THE WORLD we would choose not to have children!!! It makes me want to say, ''Well, maybe you should have thought twice before YOU had children, since you obviously refuse to parent them and would rather just let them run amok!''
Jo, I totally agree with this!Date: 8/31/2008 12:18:50 AM
Author: joflier
Maybe they think that kids just are just great and they aren''t much work at all, just because they are not necessarily putting the work into childrearing that the kids deserve?Date: 8/31/2008 12:12:46 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Wow! Vacuum cleaner attachments??? Inventive, aren''t they?!?!
Ya know, the typical kids misbehaving and mom yelling scene is one that makes me SO glad that DH and I have decided not to have kids. One of my pet peeves is when we go out to dinner, to a movie, or to anywhere else where we''re trying to relax and enjoy ourselves, and there''s some screaming kid whose parents are doing absolutely nothing. I know what MY mom would have done if I had thrown a tantrum like that when I was little!!!
And these are usually the same people who feel the need to comment on our CFBC status, asking WHY IN THE WORLD we would choose not to have children!!! It makes me want to say, ''Well, maybe you should have thought twice before YOU had children, since you obviously refuse to parent them and would rather just let them run amok!''That just goes in with my philosphy that you shouldn''t have a child unless your going to put 101% into it.
Deegee, I think the screaming kid follows us, too! LOL! And you''re right . . . no one can expect a parent to be able to control when their child has a tantrum. BUT, we can expect them to handle it effectively, or at least make an effort! I get SO irritated at the parents like the mom on your flight who just ignore the child, especially when they''re in a public place and they have a "captive audience"!
Selkie, we haven''t done this either. I''m on the pill (Lybrel, which IDate: 8/31/2008 2:00:10 AM
Author: Selkie
Geez, I''d sort of skimmed over this thread title for the past couple of days because ''CFBC'' wasn''t ringing any bells (it should have, though since I''m familiar with the phrase). Maybe I was thinking it was a medical condition? I''m sure my MIL considers it some kind of affliction.
At any rate, we are. I could list off many, many reasons why, but in reality, I just have never had any real interest in having kids of my own. It was something I made very clear early on to DH, because I know he comes from a family and culture that highly encourages having kids young, and often. He always sort of assumed that he would, but decided it was not a dealbreaker if we don''t. I HAVE left the door open a bit, I suppose, by not opting for permanent birth control when I had the opportunity, and I do revisit the question every so often to see if my basic disinterest has changed. So far, at age 36 (and 42 for him), it has not. I''d love to be someone''s favorite aunt and godmother, but I like (as someone else put it) giving them back to their parents.
It''s a trade off. Sure, maybe we''ll regret it someday. However, I know that there are many valuable and enriching things we would like to do in life, and we will never be able to do all of them. The idea of regretting and bemoaning every unfulfilled potential life experience doesn''t appeal to me. My parents have never bothered us about it, but his mom still hasn''t given up hope. Not many other people have pestered us about it, and the few people who have asked have not harassed us or tried to change our minds. Not sure what I would do in that case. Although, if someone throws the ''selfish'' remark my way? Let''s just say I have a LOT of snappy comebacks to that one I would love the chance to bust out.
Freke, I just KNEW you were "one of us"! LOL!Date: 8/31/2008 2:45:02 AM
Author: FrekeChild
Is there anyone else out there who is ''child-free by choice'' like DH and I are?
Me! Me!!
1. What made you decide not to have kids?
Um. Lack of desire for them, his nephews, my nieces and nephews, his heart condition, my unknown medical history, a firm belief that there are plenty of kids out there without us producing any, and we''re plain ol'' selfish.
2. Do you ever question your decision?
Yes. When I see little girl toddler clothes. But then I experience kids or think about what raising me was like, and I remember why we''re not having any again.
3. Do you have friends/family members who just don''t ''get it''?
Well, we aren''t married yet, but we''re about to start embarking on that, and my dad already made a comment about how ''I''ll understand when I have kids.'' So I don''t think it''ll be received well. Along with his sister and nephews who want a baby around. If we did decide to have kids, we wouldn''t have much of a family support system because my mom''s health is declining rapidly, my dad is 71 and not good with children, his dad and his new wife are uninterested in us, much less another generation, and his sister doesn''t exactly have a super stable personal life. So, we''d be on our own, and that would be really hard. However, if later in life we decide we want a child, we would adopt. Period.
LOL! That''s kinda funny......I''m thankful that my mil is being pretty considerate so far. She loves (love is an understatement) kids, and she had 3, and would''ve had another 3 if her body would''ve let her. She wants grandkids soooo badly, but just does her best to bite her tongue. Which I think is pretty big on her part, considering how bad she wants to be a grandma.Date: 8/31/2008 2:00:10 AM
Author: Selkie
Geez, I''d sort of skimmed over this thread title for the past couple of days because ''CFBC'' wasn''t ringing any bells (it should have, though since I''m familiar with the phrase). Maybe I was thinking it was a medical condition? I''m sure my MIL considers it some kind of affliction.
At any rate, we are. I could list off many, many reasons why, but in reality, I just have never had any real interest in having kids of my own. It was something I made very clear early on to DH, because I know he comes from a family and culture that highly encourages having kids young, and often. He always sort of assumed that he would, but decided it was not a dealbreaker if we don''t. I HAVE left the door open a bit, I suppose, by not opting for permanent birth control when I had the opportunity, and I do revisit the question every so often to see if my basic disinterest has changed. So far, at age 36 (and 42 for him), it has not. I''d love to be someone''s favorite aunt and godmother, but I like (as someone else put it) giving them back to their parents.
It''s a trade off. Sure, maybe we''ll regret it someday. However, I know that there are many valuable and enriching things we would like to do in life, and we will never be able to do all of them. The idea of regretting and bemoaning every unfulfilled potential life experience doesn''t appeal to me. My parents have never bothered us about it, but his mom still hasn''t given up hope. Not many other people have pestered us about it, and the few people who have asked have not harassed us or tried to change our minds. Not sure what I would do in that case. Although, if someone throws the ''selfish'' remark my way? Let''s just say I have a LOT of snappy comebacks to that one I would love the chance to bust out.
Oh, Jo, I wish I had your MIL!!! Mine is OBSESSED!!! I could understand it if she didn''t have any grandkids yet (like your MIL), but she has FOUR!!! Two granddaughters and two grandsons. So, seriously, what can we possibly give her that she doesn''t already have?!?! I even told her that one day (in a nice way) because she was just SO getting on my nerves!Date: 8/31/2008 11:52:54 AM
Author: joflier
LOL! That''s kinda funny......I''m thankful that my mil is being pretty considerate so far. She loves (love is an understatement) kids, and she had 3, and would''ve had another 3 if her body would''ve let her. She wants grandkids soooo badly, but just does her best to bite her tongue. Which I think is pretty big on her part, considering how bad she wants to be a grandma.Date: 8/31/2008 2:00:10 AM
Author: Selkie
Geez, I''d sort of skimmed over this thread title for the past couple of days because ''CFBC'' wasn''t ringing any bells (it should have, though since I''m familiar with the phrase). Maybe I was thinking it was a medical condition? I''m sure my MIL considers it some kind of affliction.
At any rate, we are. I could list off many, many reasons why, but in reality, I just have never had any real interest in having kids of my own. It was something I made very clear early on to DH, because I know he comes from a family and culture that highly encourages having kids young, and often. He always sort of assumed that he would, but decided it was not a dealbreaker if we don''t. I HAVE left the door open a bit, I suppose, by not opting for permanent birth control when I had the opportunity, and I do revisit the question every so often to see if my basic disinterest has changed. So far, at age 36 (and 42 for him), it has not. I''d love to be someone''s favorite aunt and godmother, but I like (as someone else put it) giving them back to their parents.
It''s a trade off. Sure, maybe we''ll regret it someday. However, I know that there are many valuable and enriching things we would like to do in life, and we will never be able to do all of them. The idea of regretting and bemoaning every unfulfilled potential life experience doesn''t appeal to me. My parents have never bothered us about it, but his mom still hasn''t given up hope. Not many other people have pestered us about it, and the few people who have asked have not harassed us or tried to change our minds. Not sure what I would do in that case. Although, if someone throws the ''selfish'' remark my way? Let''s just say I have a LOT of snappy comebacks to that one I would love the chance to bust out.
That''s really too bad. i don''t understand that either when she already has grandkids.....Maybe your hubby is her favorite child.Date: 9/1/2008 7:50:22 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Oh, Jo, I wish I had your MIL!!! Mine is OBSESSED!!! I could understand it if she didn''t have any grandkids yet (like your MIL), but she has FOUR!!! Two granddaughters and two grandsons. So, seriously, what can we possibly give her that she doesn''t already have?!?! I even told her that one day (in a nice way) because she was just SO getting on my nerves!
So, I think that people had can wonderful, fulfilled (nd substantially more peaceful) lives, without children.
Ya know, I think that might be it! He''s the middle of three kids, but he''s the only boy.Date: 9/1/2008 11:39:41 AM
Author: joflier
That''s really too bad. i don''t understand that either when she already has grandkids.....Maybe your hubby is her favorite child.Date: 9/1/2008 7:50:22 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
Oh, Jo, I wish I had your MIL!!! Mine is OBSESSED!!! I could understand it if she didn''t have any grandkids yet (like your MIL), but she has FOUR!!! Two granddaughters and two grandsons. So, seriously, what can we possibly give her that she doesn''t already have?!?! I even told her that one day (in a nice way) because she was just SO getting on my nerves!
Hi, Vespergirl! Supportive "breeders" like yourself are very welcome! (Love the word "breeders," BTW! LOL!)Date: 9/1/2008 11:56:33 AM
Author: vespergirl
Hey there, even though I am a breeder myselfI just wanted to jump in & say that this is a great thread - my aunt and her husband didn''t have kids by chioce, and she is in her 60s now. She says that there was a brief period in her 30s (when they were married for about 10 years) that she changed her mind & decided that she DID want to have kids, but her husband had a vasectomy behind her back, and as you can imagine THAT was a huge, almost relationship-ending fight. However, she said that she thought the urge at the time was biological, and after it passed, she is totally fulfilled with her life, and doesn''t miss not having kids. She said that she really enjoyed just getting to spoil her nieces and nephews. They always did tons of travelling, and got to retire into a BEAUTIFUL house (they never had to pay college tuitions for the kiddies
WOW, Galateia, who is your doctor and how soon can I get an appointment??? It''s so refreshing to have a doctor tell you that it''s OK to be CFBC, and that having kids just because your hormones tell you to is not a great idea. She sounds like a wonderful and very wise doctor!
Date: 9/1/2008 1:48:30 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl
WOW, Galateia, who is your doctor and how soon can I get an appointment??? It's so refreshing to have a doctor tell you that it's OK to be CFBC, and that having kids just because your hormones tell you to is not a great idea. She sounds like a wonderful and very wise doctor!
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