The CFBC Thread!!!

[joflier]

Date: 9/1/2008 1:40:25 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 9/1/2008 11:39:41 AM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/1/2008 7:50:22 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 8/31/2008 11:52:54 AM
Author: joflier

LOL! That''s kinda funny......I''m thankful that my mil is being pretty considerate so far. She loves (love is an understatement) kids, and she had 3, and would''ve had another 3 if her body would''ve let her. She wants grandkids soooo badly, but just does her best to bite her tongue. Which I think is pretty big on her part, considering how bad she wants to be a grandma.

Oh, Jo, I wish I had your MIL!!! Mine is OBSESSED!!! I could understand it if she didn''t have any grandkids yet (like your MIL), but she has FOUR!!! Two granddaughters and two grandsons. So, seriously, what can we possibly give her that she doesn''t already have?!?! I even told her that one day (in a nice way) because she was just SO getting on my nerves!

That''s really too bad. i don''t understand that either when she already has grandkids.....Maybe your hubby is her favorite child.

Ya know, I think that might be it! He''s the middle of three kids, but he''s the only boy.

There ya go!!! Keep the family name going.

 

[peonygirl]

Hi gals! I''m on the TTC thread (so I obviously want kids!), but I just wanted to jump in here and say that I TAed for a Psych of Gender class two yrs ago in which the prof is a lecture on CFBC. She said that the people without kids have happier marriages on average (since marital satisfaction takes a dip when kids are born and doesn''t recover until they are older and out of the house), and elderly adults without children are just as happy as those with (and don''t report wishing they had kids). Of course, I have NO idea what the references for these things are, but I distinctly remember my prof mentioning them.

That stinks that you guys are getting bullied by people who think you should have kids! I know DH and I are really supportive of anyone we know who doesn''t want kids.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/1/2008 2:37:43 PM
Author: littlelysser

Date: 9/1/2008 1:48:30 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

WOW, Galateia, who is your doctor and how soon can I get an appointment??? It''s so refreshing to have a doctor tell you that it''s OK to be CFBC, and that having kids just because your hormones tell you to is not a great idea. She sounds like a wonderful and very wise doctor!

I''ve been following this thread and I have to comment - that if any of your doctors have told you that it isn''t okay to not have children, well, you need to find a new doctor ASAP! I don''t think Gal''s doctor is particularly amazing...she is what a doctor should be - supportive of her patient''s choices...that really shouldn''t be anything out of the ordinary!

DH and I were CFBC for many years of our relationship. We''ve since had a change of heart - perhaps it is hormones, but I tend to believe it is fact that I''ve fallen in love with a number of my friend''s children and I see what an amazing person DH is...and putting a bit more of him in the world can only be a good thing, and the whole seeing the world through a child''s eyes...blah blah blah.

Regardless, when we were CFBC, our friends, family and CERTAINLY our DOCTORS were entirely supportive of this choice.

If your doctors aren''t...holy cow. Time to find a new doctor.

LittleLysser~

It''s not so much that my doctor isn''t supportive . . . in fact, I''m sure he would be! On the very few occasions that the subject has come up, I''ve told him that we''re not sure we''re ever going to have kids. (I didn''t tell him that we''re DEFINITELY not having kids, because you just never know and I don''t want to give him the idea that I might be interested in some kind of permanent birth control.) I just thought Galateia''s doctor saying that to her was a nice thing to hear. I''m sure it made Galateia feel better about her choice to be CFBC . . . at least, I know that''s how I would feel if my doctor made that statement to me. It can be hard when you hear the same tired lines about having children SO often from SO many people. When someone whose opinion matters as much as your doctor tells you it''s OK, I just think that''s very reassuring.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/1/2008 7:43:38 PM
Author: peonygirl
Hi gals! I''m on the TTC thread (so I obviously want kids!), but I just wanted to jump in here and say that I TAed for a Psych of Gender class two yrs ago in which the prof is a lecture on CFBC. She said that the people without kids have happier marriages on average (since marital satisfaction takes a dip when kids are born and doesn''t recover until they are older and out of the house), and elderly adults without children are just as happy as those with (and don''t report wishing they had kids). Of course, I have NO idea what the references for these things are, but I distinctly remember my prof mentioning them.

That stinks that you guys are getting bullied by people who think you should have kids! I know DH and I are really supportive of anyone we know who doesn''t want kids.

Peony~

THANK YOU for this! Again, it''s just reassuring to hear that from someone who "knows" if you know what I mean! (See my post above regarding doctors.) There are so many people who make comments on a daily basis about having children. Any time I''m not feeling well at work, everyone says "Oh, maybe you''re pregnant!" It''s just that those annoying little comments, and the general expectations of society, wear on your nerves after a while. It''s so reassuring and refreshing to hear someone being supportive of our CFBC status, especially when that support comes from a doctor or a professor, etc. . . . someone who is very familiar with the subject. Thanks again!

 

[nomissjane]

Beacon....I''m in that same situation.

My wonderful hubby and I got married 2 yrs ago and both of us discussed and agreed that we wanted children but that we''d wait a year till we started trying. We even went so far as to buy a new baby friendlier house.

Unfortunately for me it seems that now he''s not so sure about wanting to have children at all. He''s just like all of the posters in this thread who may choose not to have kids....really wonderful, caring, terrific person, just isn''t sure that kids are right for him. It may be a case of me deciding between our marriage or the chance of having children. It''s such a big decision for both partners to make and I am doing my best to be supportive and loving....but as I''m 36, this is something that we are going to have to resolve soon.

I totally understand people wanting families of their own....I''ve never imagined myself without children, but I''m also very supportive of other peoples/couples decision not to.
There is no ''right'' or ''wrong'' decision, just one that is best for each couple.

The bummer is when two people who love each other want different things

It is hard for me at the moment because I don''t feel like there is anyone close to that I can talk to about this....the problem is just as everyone has described here on this thread, I''m pretty sure that if I told anyone about hubby''s change of heart they would consider him selfish and cruel and that is just not how he is at all.

 

[nomissjane]

Date: 8/29/2008 5:40:57 PM
Author: Beacon
We live in the SF bay area, where pretty much anything goes. We don''t have any kids - married for eight years and are perfectly happy!

I know lots of CFBC people - lots indeed. They seem happy too and many are in long marriages. I have seen some who thought they were CFBC and then one partner changed their mind and the other didn''t and it was disaster. I have even seen people who went ahead and had a child and then wished they didn''t. That''s the worst one. But quite rare. Most people who have kids like them well enough, no matter what they thought beforehand.

''Selfish'' - doesn''t even ring a bell, no one has ever said anything like that to me. Now they might think I am selfish b/c I like bling, but not for being childfree! For example, my sister, who has two kids thought I was INSANE to upgrade my ering, but she doesn''t bat an eye at CFBC.

Sorry, my above post didn''t quote.....was refering to this earlier post.

 

[matildawong]

Hi nomissjane,

I''m sorry you''re going through this, and I''m so sorry you don''t have anyone close to you that you can talk about this with about this particular issue.

I wanted to offer you some words of comfort but I am at a loss except to send you my support and some hopeful pixie dust.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/1/2008 11:34:03 PM
Author: nomissjane
Beacon....I''m in that same situation.

My wonderful hubby and I got married 2 yrs ago and both of us discussed and agreed that we wanted children but that we''d wait a year till we started trying. We even went so far as to buy a new baby friendlier house.

Unfortunately for me it seems that now he''s not so sure about wanting to have children at all. He''s just like all of the posters in this thread who may choose not to have kids....really wonderful, caring, terrific person, just isn''t sure that kids are right for him. It may be a case of me deciding between our marriage or the chance of having children. It''s such a big decision for both partners to make and I am doing my best to be supportive and loving....but as I''m 36, this is something that we are going to have to resolve soon.

I totally understand people wanting families of their own....I''ve never imagined myself without children, but I''m also very supportive of other peoples/couples decision not to.
There is no ''right'' or ''wrong'' decision, just one that is best for each couple.

The bummer is when two people who love each other want different things

It is hard for me at the moment because I don''t feel like there is anyone close to that I can talk to about this....the problem is just as everyone has described here on this thread, I''m pretty sure that if I told anyone about hubby''s change of heart they would consider him selfish and cruel and that is just not how he is at all.

Nomissjane, I''m so sorry that you''re going through this! I had a slightly different (but similar) problem in my first marriage. My XH wanted to have kids (plural). Before we even got engaged, we discussed this. I explained that I would be OK with having ONE (1) child, and no more. He agreed, and said that would be no problem at all . . . he understood how I felt (supposedly) and respected my feelings on the issue. We were 21 when we got engaged, and we agreed at that time that we would have one child only, and that child would be conceived sometime between the wedding and my 30th birthday. So, fastforward to our honeymoon, the day after the wedding. He starts asking when we are going to "start a family." WHAT??? It was very clear to me that, by saying "start a family," he meant more than one child. Also, we were only 22 when we got married, so I couldn''t understand why he was bothering me about this already, when we had agreed that anytime before we turn 30 would be fine! So, this issue became a big sticking point between us. He constantly bothered me about "starting a family," and I was constantly angry and frustrated with him because of it.

The problem wasn''t that I didn''t want kids. I have always been pretty flexible on the kids issue. I always knew that, if I married a guy who wanted kids (like my XH), I would be OK with having ONE AND ONE ONLY. But, if i married a guy who did not wnt kids (like DH), that would be fine too. The problem was that he was trying to go back on our agreement, like your DH seems to be doing. Now please keep in mind, this is definitely not the only issue that resulted in my XH and I divorcing. He was very controlling, very abusive, and he had a drug problem . . . all of which were things that made me want to put off having that one child for as long as possible!

I honestly don''t think the kids issue alone would have been enough to split us up. If all of these other issues hadn''t been at play, and the kids issue was the only major problem we had, we would almost definitely still be together. I think, when it really came down to it, he probably would have abided by our original agreement to have only one and to do so by the time we turned 30. So, I guess it just depends on how set against having children your DH really is. Could you maybe discuss with him the fact that this is very important to you, so much so that you''re not sure if you can stay married to someone who doesen''t want kids? Maybe even some marriage counseling would be helpful.

Again, I''m so sorry you''re going through this. It''s very hard when you have an agreement regarding kids (or think you do) and one party changes his/her mind. ((((HUGS))))

 

[nytemist]

Sorry I''m late to reply... away from the computer all weekend.

Yes, Galateia, it was your orginal thread I was talking about. The comments still don''t stop. Over the weekend my husband asked if I was interested in going to the christening of his new nephew in October. We''re thinking about going and I was tkaling about it to my friend (the one that doesn''t get the not wanting kids thing) Of course I saw it coming, she says ''maybe being down there will make you think about family more''. I kind of lost it saying "(Friend), I''ve told you more time than I can count that I am not interested in kids. Why don''t you hear me? If this is going to happen every time I talk to you, then this friendship we''ve had since we were 12 will suffer". She''s still convince that I should be a mom, totally from the mindset of ''it''s just what you do after marriage''.

In a couple of weeks my other SIL is having a last summer barbecue at her place. Her husband has three brothers and they all have kids. Some of them kind of spoiled. His mom loves to hint around that I''m a controlling wife that made hubby change his mind and I''m denying him children. Yep, that will be a great time. At least hubby''s parents will be there and will can hang with them.

When I had my IUD placed, I didn''t get any guff about it. However, I have read so many posts from many CF threads about how much of a hard time women have trying to get permanent birth control, well as permanent as you can get. Plenty of doctors won''t give tubal ligations to women under 30 who haven''t had kids and they have to go to great lengths to get a referral from a doctor who will do it. Or this crap that happens; women have to have their husband''s permission to have a tubal- yet a man can get a vasextomy no questions asked. Another example women are supposed to be equal and clearly this isn''t the case.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/2/2008 9:01:19 AM
Author: nytemist
Sorry I''m late to reply... away from the computer all weekend.

Yes, Galateia, it was your orginal thread I was talking about. The comments still don''t stop. Over the weekend my husband asked if I was interested in going to the christening of his new nephew in October. We''re thinking about going and I was tkaling about it to my friend (the one that doesn''t get the not wanting kids thing) Of course I saw it coming, she says ''maybe being down there will make you think about family more''. I kind of lost it saying ''(Friend), I''ve told you more time than I can count that I am not interested in kids. Why don''t you hear me? If this is going to happen every time I talk to you, then this friendship we''ve had since we were 12 will suffer''. She''s still convince that I should be a mom, totally from the mindset of ''it''s just what you do after marriage''.

In a couple of weeks my other SIL is having a last summer barbecue at her place. Her husband has three brothers and they all have kids. Some of them kind of spoiled. His mom loves to hint around that I''m a controlling wife that made hubby change his mind and I''m denying him children. Yep, that will be a great time. At least hubby''s parents will be there and will can hang with them.

When I had my IUD placed, I didn''t get any guff about it. However, I have read so many posts from many CF threads about how much of a hard time women have trying to get permanent birth control, well as permanent as you can get. Plenty of doctors won''t give tubal ligations to women under 30 who haven''t had kids and they have to go to great lengths to get a referral from a doctor who will do it. Or this crap that happens; women have to have their husband''s permission to have a tubal- yet a man can get a vasextomy no questions asked. Another example women are supposed to be equal and clearly this isn''t the case.

Oh, my God! Please tell me this isn''t really true?!?! It''s 2008!!! WTF?!?!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/2/2008 12:05:37 PM
Author: Irishgrrrl

Date: 9/2/2008 9:01:19 AM
Author: nytemist
Sorry I''m late to reply... away from the computer all weekend.

Yes, Galateia, it was your orginal thread I was talking about. The comments still don''t stop. Over the weekend my husband asked if I was interested in going to the christening of his new nephew in October. We''re thinking about going and I was tkaling about it to my friend (the one that doesn''t get the not wanting kids thing) Of course I saw it coming, she says ''maybe being down there will make you think about family more''. I kind of lost it saying ''(Friend), I''ve told you more time than I can count that I am not interested in kids. Why don''t you hear me? If this is going to happen every time I talk to you, then this friendship we''ve had since we were 12 will suffer''. She''s still convince that I should be a mom, totally from the mindset of ''it''s just what you do after marriage''.

In a couple of weeks my other SIL is having a last summer barbecue at her place. Her husband has three brothers and they all have kids. Some of them kind of spoiled. His mom loves to hint around that I''m a controlling wife that made hubby change his mind and I''m denying him children. Yep, that will be a great time. At least hubby''s parents will be there and will can hang with them.

When I had my IUD placed, I didn''t get any guff about it. However, I have read so many posts from many CF threads about how much of a hard time women have trying to get permanent birth control, well as permanent as you can get. Plenty of doctors won''t give tubal ligations to women under 30 who haven''t had kids and they have to go to great lengths to get a referral from a doctor who will do it. Or this crap that happens; women have to have their husband''s permission to have a tubal- yet a man can get a vasextomy no questions asked. Another example women are supposed to be equal and clearly this isn''t the case.

Oh, my God! Please tell me this isn''t really true?!?! It''s 2008!!! WTF?!?!

My BIL wanted to get a vasectomy when he was 23 or 24, but his doctor said he wouldn''t do it until he was 30. I''m sure if he really wanted to pursue it, he could have found someone, but who knows. He never ended up getting it done.

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/1/2008 11:34:03 PM
Author: nomissjane
Beacon....I''m in that same situation.

My wonderful hubby and I got married 2 yrs ago and both of us discussed and agreed that we wanted children but that we''d wait a year till we started trying. We even went so far as to buy a new baby friendlier house.

Unfortunately for me it seems that now he''s not so sure about wanting to have children at all. He''s just like all of the posters in this thread who may choose not to have kids....really wonderful, caring, terrific person, just isn''t sure that kids are right for him. It may be a case of me deciding between our marriage or the chance of having children. It''s such a big decision for both partners to make and I am doing my best to be supportive and loving....but as I''m 36, this is something that we are going to have to resolve soon.

I totally understand people wanting families of their own....I''ve never imagined myself without children, but I''m also very supportive of other peoples/couples decision not to.
There is no ''right'' or ''wrong'' decision, just one that is best for each couple.

The bummer is when two people who love each other want different things

It is hard for me at the moment because I don''t feel like there is anyone close to that I can talk to about this....the problem is just as everyone has described here on this thread, I''m pretty sure that if I told anyone about hubby''s change of heart they would consider him selfish and cruel and that is just not how he is at all.

I''m sorry to hear about your situation nomiss.......Are you and your husband able to talk with each other about your different expectations? I know it sounds cliche, but when it comes to making a choice between kids and your marriage, you should maybe give thought to seeing a marriage counselor to help guide you both through this? (((((((hugs)))))))) I know its hard when you have a situation with no one to talk to! We''ll always listen to ya on here!

 

[galeteia]

Date: 9/2/2008 9:01:19 AM
Author: nytemist
Or this crap that happens; women have to have their husband''s permission to have a tubal- yet a man can get a vasectomy no questions asked. Another example women are supposed to be equal and clearly this isn''t the case.

WHAT?!

Un-freaking-believable! How charming that the chattel has to have the owner of it''s womb give permission for his seed''s incubator to be altered.

What the flaming eff is that?! SO doesn''t know it yet, but he is very glad he''s away at work at the moment and not at home within ranting range.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/2/2008 1:27:58 PM
Author: Galateia

Date: 9/2/2008 9:01:19 AM
Author: nytemist
Or this crap that happens; women have to have their husband''s permission to have a tubal- yet a man can get a vasectomy no questions asked. Another example women are supposed to be equal and clearly this isn''t the case.

WHAT?!

Un-freaking-believable! How charming that the chattel has to have the owner of it''s womb give permission for his seed''s incubator to be altered.

What the flaming eff is that?! SO doesn''t know it yet, but he is very glad he''s away at work at the moment and not at home within ranting range.

Galateia, thank you for putting my outrage into words! I tried to do better than I did, but all the words I could think of had four letters and the Admins would most definitely (and rightfully) have deleted my post. This just DISGUSTS me! NO ADULT should EVER have to get permission from ANYONE to have a medical procedure done, even if that procedure is elective. I would love to see more info on this.

 

[littlelysser]

I am not aware of any law that requires a woman to get her husband''s permission before she has her tubes tied.

That is absolutely ludicrous. And any doctor that acted way is clearly violating the law.

 

[nytemist]

No, no, no- it''s not a law anywhere. It''s the fact that there are so many doctors that will say this to patient under the guise of ''we don''t want to get hit a with a malpractice suit because you changed your mind a few years down the road''. A lot of them truly do not believe a woman does not want children and think that she doens''t really know what she wants at, say age 24. Archaic I kow. P*sses me off like you can''t imagine that so many people can tell me that I don''t know my own mind. To get the procedures they want, some women will threaten an age or gender discrimmination lawsuit, since that exactly what it is. Total violation of the law, but so many doctors get away with being God.

If a girl runs around at 16 saying "I want to get married and have lots of children!" people won''t think twice. If she says "I''m never having children", everyone will just dismiss her saying you''re too young to know that.

 

[Selkie]

Date: 9/1/2008 11:34:03 PM
Author: nomissjane


The bummer is when two people who love each other want different things


It is hard for me at the moment because I don''t feel like there is anyone close to that I can talk to about this....the problem is just as everyone has described here on this thread, I''m pretty sure that if I told anyone about hubby''s change of heart they would consider him selfish and cruel and that is just not how he is at all.

I''m so sorry, nomissjane. It''s difficult either way, and it was definitely my biggest fear going into marriage that DH would realize that not having kids WAS going to be a serious, insurmountable regret. I certainly don''t think your DH is selfish and cruel, but I hate that that''s the way so many people will perceive his feelings. How much have you talked to him about this?

 

[Selkie]

Another anecdote about doctors and sterilization: Some years ago I had surgery for endometriosis. Before having the surgery, I brought up the idea to my doctor of having a tubal while he was in there anyway. "Well, we don''t recommend that for young women without children." Huh...well...that''s kind of the point, no? And I was 30! Not some 20 year old naif. I guess by not pursuing the point, I was proving his opinion that I didn''t know my own mind. Then, in our discussion of post-surgery treatment options, his very first suggestion was "You could get pregnant. Pregnancy seems to have an ameliorating effect on the symptoms." Which, yes it does, but a)I wasn''t married and was in no financial position to have a kid, and b)I''d already expressed my desire to NOT have children.

 

[ladypirate]

Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/3/2008 1:23:05 PM
Author: ladypirate
Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

That''s for sure!!! Much less planning involved too! You can always just jump in a car and go. No diaper bags. No toys. No potty stops every 1/2 hr.......

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 9/3/2008 3:18:06 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/3/2008 1:23:05 PM

Author: ladypirate

Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

That''s for sure!!! Much less planning involved too! You can always just jump in a car and go. No diaper bags. No toys. No potty stops every 1/2 hr.......

LOL--very true! The ability to just get up and go is one reason we don''t even have pets yet. Although we''re looking at getting a kitty...is that the first step to parenthood? AHHHHHH!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/3/2008 3:44:50 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 9/3/2008 3:18:06 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/3/2008 1:23:05 PM

Author: ladypirate

Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

That''s for sure!!! Much less planning involved too! You can always just jump in a car and go. No diaper bags. No toys. No potty stops every 1/2 hr.......

LOL--very true! The ability to just get up and go is one reason we don''t even have pets yet. Although we''re looking at getting a kitty...is that the first step to parenthood? AHHHHHH!

More like a "trial run"!

Although kitties are probably the lowest maintence as far as pets go. You can still take a long weekend and they''ll be fine with some extra food and water, or someone to come check on them once or so....

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/3/2008 4:39:48 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/3/2008 3:44:50 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 9/3/2008 3:18:06 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/3/2008 1:23:05 PM

Author: ladypirate

Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

That''s for sure!!! Much less planning involved too! You can always just jump in a car and go. No diaper bags. No toys. No potty stops every 1/2 hr.......

LOL--very true! The ability to just get up and go is one reason we don''t even have pets yet. Although we''re looking at getting a kitty...is that the first step to parenthood? AHHHHHH!

More like a ''trial run''!

Although kitties are probably the lowest maintence as far as pets go. You can still take a long weekend and they''ll be fine with some extra food and water, or someone to come check on them once or so....

We have three dogs and a horse, so I think we have enough four-legged kids to make up for our lack of two-legged ones! LOL!

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/4/2008 6:44:26 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
We have three dogs and a horse, so I think we have enough four-legged kids to make up for our lack of two-legged ones! LOL!

Eeeek! That must keep you busy!!!!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/4/2008 12:51:01 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/4/2008 6:44:26 AM
Author: Irishgrrrl
We have three dogs and a horse, so I think we have enough four-legged kids to make up for our lack of two-legged ones! LOL!

Eeeek! That must keep you busy!!!!

Oh, you have no idea! And they''re ALL spoiled rotten! I have days when I almost wish they WERE human children (or at least that they understood English), because I think sometimes they''d be easier to deal with! LOL!

 

[FrekeChild]

We've decided to look into permanent BC options after we get married, he gets a full time job and we get some decent health insurance. Do you guys have any suggestions?

ETA: we plan on having at least 2 dogs, one chinchilla, and probably some hamsters as well. And if we live in certain areas, we might have a horse or two.

 

[joflier]

Date: 9/4/2008 6:24:32 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We''ve decided to look into permanent BC options after we get married, he gets a full time job and we get some decent health insurance. Do you guys have any suggestions?

ETA: we plan on having at least 2 dogs, one chinchilla, and probably some hamsters as well. And if we live in certain areas, we might have a horse or two.

One thing we looked into, but have not had done, was a vasclip. Its like a vasectomy, but instead of actually "cutting the line" if you will, they use a clip which has a chance of a higher probability of reversal success in the event you change your mind. Its still just as effective as far as BC goes, from my understanding. I don''t know all that much about it, and that was over 3 years ago, so who knows what else is around by now.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/4/2008 6:24:32 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We''ve decided to look into permanent BC options after we get married, he gets a full time job and we get some decent health insurance. Do you guys have any suggestions?

ETA: we plan on having at least 2 dogs, one chinchilla, and probably some hamsters as well. And if we live in certain areas, we might have a horse or two.

Oh, Freke, I would love to have a chinchilla! They''re SO cute and I''ve always wanted one!!!

 

[ladypirate]

Date: 9/4/2008 6:24:32 PM
Author: FrekeChild
We''ve decided to look into permanent BC options after we get married, he gets a full time job and we get some decent health insurance. Do you guys have any suggestions?


ETA: we plan on having at least 2 dogs, one chinchilla, and probably some hamsters as well. And if we live in certain areas, we might have a horse or two.

If you are thinking about a vasectomy, a couple things to keep in mind:

1. Make sure they keep an eye on the sperm count after the surgery--my dad had to have it done twice because his count didn''t go down the first time and his brother had a kid after having a vasectomy.

2. If you''re going to do something permanent, make sure you''re absolutely sure that it''s what you want. A friend of mine found out when he was 21 that his dad wasn''t his real father because he''d had a vasectomy when he was in his mid-twenties because "he never wanted kids". Fast forward 10 years and he regretted the decision but it was too late to do anything about it.

I''m on Mirena right now which lasts for 5 years and is supposedly more effective than tubal ligation. I figure it''s a good solution since we absolutely don''t want kids right now but we may a few years down the line.

 

[Irishgrrrl]

Date: 9/3/2008 3:44:50 PM
Author: ladypirate

Date: 9/3/2008 3:18:06 PM
Author: joflier

Date: 9/3/2008 1:23:05 PM

Author: ladypirate

Just wanted to pop in and say that I''m not sure if we''ll end up having kids or not (it''s at least 4-6 years down the road if we do), but we definitely are leaving being CFBC on the table. Although we call it being DINKs (Dual Income No Kids)--I think we''d definitely have more time to travel and whatnot that way!

That''s for sure!!! Much less planning involved too! You can always just jump in a car and go. No diaper bags. No toys. No potty stops every 1/2 hr.......

LOL--very true! The ability to just get up and go is one reason we don''t even have pets yet. Although we''re looking at getting a kitty...is that the first step to parenthood? AHHHHHH!

LadyP, I always assumed that the cute little pirate kitty in your avatar was yours! If you''re considering getting a kitty, I would definitely recommend it. Cats really are wonderful pets, and they''re a great pet for busy people since they''re very low-maintenance. We would have at least one, if we didn''t already have three dogs!