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- Oct 24, 2012
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Laila619|1466029593|4044514 said:House Cat|1466028899|4044512 said:Wanna teach your daughters something? Teach them to pick good friends. Teach them what consent looks like. Teach them to be strong through your example of strength. Teach them to love themselves through your unconditional love. Teach them to be competent in the world through self defense. But don't teach them that they are responsible for their rape.
Laila, I get what you are trying to say. Don't make yourself vulnerable because the world isn't the safe place we wish it would be. Ever since I was attacked, believe me, I have been hypervigilant. I am thinking there might be a better way to phrase this or to think about this... When you said it on my thread, it went up my spine like an electric shock. I knew what you were trying to say, but as someone who has lived through this...and as someone who blamed herself for years for her rape, this isn't the best way to put this out there.
I'm sorry you had to live this, HouseCat. It's never any woman's fault at all. Unfortunately, we do have to be vigilant. When I'm out alone in public, I look around and walk with my keys in my hand, ready to use them like a weapon if I had to. It would be nice if women could feel safe doing anything and going anywhere, but it's just not reality. MOST men are good and kind I still think.
Housecat, I am so so sorry that happened to you. IT IS HORRIBLE AND IT IS THE RAPIST'S FAULT.
Laila, I have a daughter, and I will teach her not to drink because she can get raped. I don't care that other people think it subscribes to the "rape culture". I cannot be with my daughter 24/7 and I want her to be as safe a possible. I know that it is not her fault, but there are people out there, men and women, that will take advantage of or hurt another person because that person is impaired. That is my view of the reality of the world. I have a son, and I will teach him the same thing. I will teach him not to drink so he is not taken advantage of and I will teach him not to rape as well. People, both genders, need to be respectful of each person. I will teach them both about people putting stuff in their drink, stuff that you cannot smell or taste, that will impair them. I hope they will listen to me and understand my reasoning and my concern for their safety and well-being. I do not care if they are the only people at the party not drinking, and will always be the designated driver. I hope they will listen to me, but no matter what I will have tried my best. They will know that people aren't supposed to do bad things but people will do bad things anyway. I want my children to be informed of what can happen.
I have taught both my children not to drink. period. They will choose when they get older, but I have taught them not to and I have explained my reasons. It can be a hard road for them if they choose to abstain for their whole lives. It has been challenging for me in certain situations. I am the only person not to drink at parties, business functions, etc. I am happy to be the designated driver. I am the person that is watching out for my friends. Who is that guy she is with? Where did she go? Where is he? Is he sick? I have made that choice and have not regretted it for a second. I have chosen friends who don't give me a hard time. If they do, they are not people I associate with.