Starting over: Help finding the right engagement ring

[Aetius]

I had a post inquiring specifically about a certain stone I was looking at purchasing... but for the 3rd time since starting the engagement ring hunt (in Feb!!!), I am looking for a new Jeweler. So on advice of another forum member, I'm reaching out to the community for insight and advice. So lets go all the way back to the beginning and start fresh.

First, a little history:
I haven't heard back from my guy since the 9th. Pinged him on the 10th and asked if he had a pic of the stone (I'd seen it in person but was hoping for something I could show you guys). Pinged him twice more just asking if everything was still moving forward and haven't heard back.

Not sure if it is all jewelers, or just my luck, but the customer service in my area has been bad/nonexistent.

Attempt #1 (Feb/Early March) - The girl couldn't remember that my fiancée is allergic to white gold, or that I was looking for an oval OR that she had never met my GF (kept saying "isn't this what she like when you guys came in")

Attempt #2 (Mar - Early May) - High pressure sales guy. Wanted me to buy what HE wanted me to buy. Kept telling me how good a deal I was getting when I could Google the same stones for $500-$1000 less.

Attempt #3 Mid-May to current) - Liked the guy. Was a little worried on the quality of the stone (although I never told him that), so I came here to make sure I was making a good decision. Got everything rolling and then *poof*, the guy just stops emailing after getting the stone graded.

So here's the stuff I originally sent to the jeweler as for what I'm kind of looking for:
1) She likes color – specifically ocean blue/greens for channel or accessory stones (I still like the central stone to be a carat).
2) I’m still thinking somewhere around 1 carat for the center stone, but am negotiable based on price/quality/etc
3) Platinum for the band unless you find something very unique and pretty using gold (rose or normal).
4) She does like the untraditional looks with the colored stone in the center, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. I can probably be convinced though.
5) She's a Nurse Practitioner so she takes gloves on/off a lot - something that doesn't sit high to be caught on gloves would be good.
6) An example (not pink though!) of something I think has a lot of the right characteristics:



Which eventually (by the second Jeweler) let to these CADs. They are pretty close. The channels would have teal (irradiated diamond) stones and the "bands" on the outside would be diamonds (which doesn't show in the CAD).

As for timeline. I talked to the first jeweler on 2/3/14 (!!!) with the intention of having something for our 3/20 anniversary, and the second started in March and this last guy through May and June. At this point i'd just like to have something before she decides i'm not going to ask and leaves me.

So, dear reader, what do you think? Should I just fess up to her what is taking so long, throw my plans out the window and have her help pick? Should I start over a fourth time with a new jeweler (I'm going to run out of options here in town if this keeps up!)? What do you think of the ring/stone/idea?

Thanks!

 

[Aetius]

Bump to try to get some feedback. Maybe I'm too verbose

 

[OECsareforLovers]

I say get her involved. It's clear you have different tastes (she likes colored center, you don't). And if you are considering something custom it seems extra silly to do it without her.

Re the CADs: I'm not a fan of the diagonal oval.

 

[OoohShiny]

(I'm going to run out of options here in town if this keeps up!)

I think this is probably the key issue - IMHO you need to stop looking locally and start looking globally.

There is no need to stick with local B&M stores or friends of friends anymore, we are in the age of the internet, baby!

I understand the preference to see stones in the flesh and talk to someone face to face, I think it is good to do to get an idea of what you are looking at and what your options might be, but price-wise and quality-wise, the internet will bring you better than local sources will. (Well, unless you happen to live in the same town as a PS recommended vendor, of course lol)

I would get shopping at the various recommended vendors, pick out some stones that you like (ideally from stores with ASET and Idealscope images so you are removing any guesswork over actual light performance) and post them up on here to confirm your choice is good. Others may already have made suggestions in your other threads?

You can then send over the CAD images you have to someone who does bespoke work, such as Victor Canera or the others who I can't remember the names of right now lol, and then they will work something up from them at a small cost to you. You can get the stone you pick shipped direct to the ring maker and get it set by them, then the ring will arrive ready to go, and I am quite sure that you will love it. I bought 'blind' (albeit with good pictures and 'scope images, and also a video) and am very pleased with the stone.

 

[Aetius]

Thanks. I'm a little unsure of if I have the necessary experience to not get ripped off and/or pick the wrong stone if I am going just off stuff online. Everything I have been told up to this point is you have to see the stone ... not that I have an educated enough eye to know what i'm looking at aside from the easy stuff.

Does anyone have a recommended jeweler? Some place to start?

Really I'm looking for the best bang for my buck (who isn't right?) with the visible attributed.

Re: the design. I kind of liked the oval at an angle ... she's a quirky girl and its a quirky setting. But still, picking something for someone else to wear is not in my "comfort zone".

-A

 

[Gypsy]

Work hand in hand with her at every step.

You guys are too far apart.

Also, not a fan of the crooked oval. It looks dated as if it is from the 80's.


Finally those prongs will catch on gloves. Best bet is to have her try on things and take a pair gloves with you.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

Another vote for no crooked oval, it looks super 80's. I would also say if you want colored small stones don't use irradiated diamonds, use sapphires instead. You can always use an online vendor to purchase a stone, see it in person and then send it to whomever is making the setting.

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

https://www.etsy.com/listing/188889677/white-morganite-in-white-gold-iris?ref=listing-10

This is my favorite setting for an oval right now. It's bezel set so it would be less of a problem with snagging and if you work with the vendor once you have your diamond you might be able to redesign so it sits even lower. This vendor frequently works in colored stones so she may be able to do it in sapphire melee. The setting in yellow or rose gold with blue sapphire melee and a white bezel with a white diamond would look unique and stunning IMO.

 

[baby monster]

Ask her to give you some examples of what she likes just so that you're on the right path. Or go take a long weekend trip to a major city with a diamond district to try on rings.

Are you open to antique rings? There's a ring at LAD that ticks most your boxes. Unusual design, plat, at least 1ct, glove friendly, sapphire side stones. http://www.loveaffairdiamonds.com/1-05ct-old-european-cut-diamond-and-sapphire-ring-j-k-vs1/

 

[Aetius]

Gypsy - I was told that the prongs wouldn't sit up that high in production ... was just a placeholder until the got the diamond.

Funny that ya'll don't like the diagonal oval, it got pretty high reviews from my female friends. *Shrug* ... I'm just not 100% convinced on anything really.

Oddly enough my last jeweler emailed me back today and asked me to resend the CADs. No mention of why he fell off the planet for three weeks. I sent them over, but am not entirely comfortable with him after the disappearing act.

Asscher - I don't (and from what I've seen from my GF's tastes) care for all the metal work on that ring. Its pretty but I think too "glitzy" for our tastes.

Baby - I do like that one. I'm not sure I know enough on antique rings ... are antiques ok for engagement rings (when they aren't from your family)? Its definitely neat and has a lot of the characteristics i'm looking for. The circle stone in the square setting is a bit weird to me (or i'm seeing it wrong). Might be hard to find a band that matches though. How do you normally deal with that?

Thanks again for all the input guys. It really is helping.

-A

 

[baby monster]

Antiques are perfectly fine for ERs unless you generally have issues with previously worn jewelry. The square is a design element that you either like or not. Just a matter of personal preference. As far as pairing a wedding band. It doesn't have to match exactly but should go with the ER. Maybe that's an opportunity for your gf to pick out exactly what she likes vs you getting both rings on your own.

 

[E B]

That vintage ring baby monster posted is very pretty.

If she's quirky and likes color, what about this setting (a little more modern and fluid than the one with the pink stones):

http://www.sholdtdesign.com/Vashon/R4771D.htm with an ocean blue sapphire center? They have some nice ones here:

http://www.gemfix.com/sapphire_blue.html
http://www.gemfix.com/sapphire_montana.html

 

[Aetius]

Ya, i'm definitely torn in liking the antique ring and being paranoid from the lack of info on the stones.

E B - that ring is indeed beautiful. I cant figure out how to work color into it other than replacing the center diamond, and I think i'm too much of a traditionalist to do a colored center stone. I just seems like something that would go out of style.

On that same page http://www.sholdtdesign.com/Vashon/R4591D.htm is really cool. I like the uniqueness of the twist, but struggle with adding color (again) and how a band would work with it.

I'm tempted to talk with her about it ... but I really feel like i'd be robbing her of the proposal experience if she were in on the ring shopping. I want to do this right, you know?

 

[E B]

Here's the matching band for the twisty Sholdt ring you like: http://www.sholdtdesign.com/Vashon/R459B.htm. I think it'd fit right up against the engagement ring.

They do custom work, so they may be able to use sapphire melee instead of the diamond melee. But if you're worried a sapphire center will go out of style, it hasn't for centuries. It may be currently non-traditional in the US, but it sounds like your girlfriend is, too? You know her better than we do.

It sounds like you've talked to her about it a little already, but I'd talk to her about it a little more. See how she feels about it. If she wants it to be a surprise, you know some of her preferences already. If she wants to be involved all the way, then you can still make the *proposal* a surprise.

 

[Tekate]

Yes on the bold part for sure.

Work hand in hand with her at every step.

You guys are too far apart.

Also, not a fan of the crooked oval. It looks dated as if it is from the 80's.


Finally those prongs will catch on gloves. Best bet is to have her try on things and take a pair gloves with you.

 

[MonkeysInk]

I don't think you're robbing her of the proposal experience - the proposal and ring shopping are two totally different things. You're on a jewelry forum, so I think the general advice you're going to get around here is to get her involved because she's the one that gets to wear it every day.

That said, I think that antique that babymonster posted is a gorgeous choice that goes along with the requirements you posted. CvB has done some projects with colored stones lately for people and she's lovely to talk/email with - you might reach out to her for some discussion about it.

With a tilted oval stone, you lose the graceful elongated look it gives to the finger (my favorite part of ovals). I agree with everyone else that it's not the greatest look UNLESS it's exactly what she's always wanted. And in that case, it's the best idea ever!

 

[Gypsy]

The proposal is one thing. The ring another.

How about this?

Buy her a diamond. Propose with it unset (during the return period please). Buy setting together.

Alternately, I like this one: http://www.loveaffairdiamonds.com/1-05ct-old-european-cut-diamond-and-sapphire-ring-j-k-vs1/

 

[Aetius]

Yup, the more I see the antique one the more I like it (the positivity from others on the forum probably helps), but ...

You'll get a kick out of this conversation last night (at dinner):

Me: "So, how involved would you want to be in choosing a ring" (knowing I've already failed at this for 4 months)
Her: "Not"

.....

So there we have it. Of course I did mention the "you have to wear it bit" with no additional traction, so I continue to be on my own.

I did confirm she likes ovals and the square cut ones. She doesn't like the traditional rounds. I'll try to find some more options to run by ya'll today.

Thanks again for the help
-A

 

[Lorelei]

Also, not a fan of the crooked oval. It looks dated as if it is from the 80's.

by Asscherhalo_lover » 24 Jun 2014 13:02

Another vote for no crooked oval, it looks super 80's.

*cough* I remember the 80's well, no crooked ovals though!

 

[OoohShiny]

Yup, the more I see the antique one the more I like it (the positivity from others on the forum probably helps), but ...

You'll get a kick out of this conversation last night (at dinner):

Me: "So, how involved would you want to be in choosing a ring" (knowing I've already failed at this for 4 months)
Her: "Not"

.....

So there we have it. Of course I did mention the "you have to wear it bit" with no additional traction, so I continue to be on my own.

I did confirm she likes ovals and the square cut ones. She doesn't like the traditional rounds. I'll try to find some more options to run by ya'll today.

Thanks again for the help
-A

Well, I hope you got that in writing so that she then has no justifiable way to complain if she doesn't like the end result


You should find some really terrible ring that was under ten bucks from ebay and propose with that first of all, just to see her face

 

[Aetius]

Ya that would be fun

She is very traditional in this way ... I call her a Disney princess from time to time (fortunately she doesn't exhibit the rest of the fairytale requirements).

 

[baby monster]

Blake Lively's ring is a gorgeous example of a setting with an oval center. It doesn't have sidestones though.

http://stylenews.peoplestylewatch.com/2012/09/17/blake-lively-engagement-ring-wedding/

 

[Aetius]

Yes, it is ... then again its like 20c (not literally, but still). Might not look as nice in the 1c range

 

[OoohShiny]

Ya that would be fun

She is very traditional in this way ... I call her a Disney princess from time to time (fortunately she doesn't exhibit the rest of the fairytale requirements).

haha Does that mean she will be a traditional wife?

 

[baby monster]

Well, 20cts it's not but it's a good size oval. So what are your specs for stone and what's the overall budget? I don't see it in the first post.

 

[Aetius]

Well currently she splits time between school and part-time at the hospital while she finishes up the NP stuff, so she does do a bit more of the cooking that is typical for me (since I like cooking too). I doubt I could get her to wear high heels at home though

As for stone and budget - I'm thinking the 1c ballpark. I'd like an stone that is mostly eye-clean (who is ever going to look at it under a loop again after the purchase?) and that's about it for my opinion on the stone.

I'd like to keep cost under $10k. She is not comfortable wearing something that expensive so if I could keep it closer to $7-8k I guess that would be better. The last I got from my jeweler put me about $3500 for the stone and $3-3500 for the ring with all the smaller stones, design and build (in plat).

-A

 

[baby monster]

How about something like this for the setting http://www.timelessdesigns.com/content/r1410sov75x55... If you go with plat, it'll leave you 4-5k for center, which is enough for at least 1ct.

 

[TC1987]

OP: You expressed a preference for an oval, which is a "fancy" shape. There are no generally accepted formulas for proportions and angles. Yes, it has to be seen by someone but not necessarily you, at least not for a first pass at selecting some stones to follow up on. Generally you don't want distracting bold black bow tie or a black in the center or it. Some of the antique ovals have more chunky facets than the modern ones.

I recommend call up Good Old Gold, give them your budget and color preference, and see what they can find. Jon and his staff know how to pick good ones. They have an E SI1 in house. http://goodoldgold.com/diamond/11794/ And others pictured, complete with ASET images, that they can call in. I can't make any recommendations on their selection because I don't know how to read the ASET for an oval. But prices for 1ct ovals certainly look more favorable than for 1ct rounds.

JamesAllen:
http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/oval-cut/1.00-carat-e-color-si2-clarity-sku-294150

 

[TC1987]

Oh, and I don't see anything wrong with an '80s look, either. I mean, really, at some point in 1960 someone probably looked at a platinum Art Deco pave' or halo ring and said "Eeeeuuuuw! I don't want to wear that outdated old thing!" And look how hot those looks became by 2004 and they are still going strong now. Styles some and go. Choose what you like. There's no reason to follow the crowd and/or choose the same style(s) that you see everywhere. Most of the '80s and '90s rings were yellow gold, because the "bold gold" was in. Change it to platinum or other white metal, and it has a completely different look.

 

[Gypsy]

I found this gorgeous oval the other day. Has a lot of potential and it measures 5x7 and is incredibly budget friendly.

http://www.jamesallen.com/loose-diamonds/oval-cut/0.73-carat-d-color-vs1-clarity-sku-329207 Out on hold ask for ASET.

I would go for something like this, personally, since you are get: