She will be happy with anything...

[seaurchin]

Interesting question. My first thought would be that a guy says his girl would be happy with anything because that is what she told him. I could be wrong, of course but going with that assumption, I think there are probably different reasons a woman might tell her guy that she'd be happy with anything.

Hard as it is for many of us here to believe (haha), some women really aren't into jewelry. So when a woman says she doesn't care, it's entirely possible that she really doesn't care.

Or, since many couples who are just starting out don't have much money, I could definitely see what type of ring a potential bride gets not being a priority to her at that time.

Or she might say she'd be happy with anything (especially if he's the one who will be paying for it), because she doesn't want to come across as greedy or overly interested in the ring above the fiance. It seems a sweet, agreeable sort of statement, in a way.

Or maybe she really does want the sentimentality of wearing the ring that he chose for her himself.

Personally, I'm glad I got to be involved. There is just no telling what my guy might have come up with!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I've never heard this IRL. But it sounds a bit like a cop out.

cheers--Sharon

 

[caf]

It is one of my peeves as mentioned in the jewellery peeves thread, for someone to come in PS and asked for advice, and when PSers asked if this person was sure his/her OH really wanted a fancy shape in some fancy setting etc., to be responded with something in the line of "my OH will be happy with anything I give her/him."

My first thought would be the relationship would not last, unless that person's OH was a doormat!

DK

^ This.

 

[GliderPoss]

IMO anyone who would say that is a di*k.

THIS. Frankly it smacks of arrogance to not even consider their wishes! Especially with something that is (generally) worn on a daily basis. Come on blokes, at least TRY...

 

[Rhea]

I'm reading it from a different place than some of you. I tend to assume the best in people and the only place I've ever heard this is on this forum or other similar internet spaces. When it happens it's in Rocky Talk where a person has already made the effort to:
google diamonds
find this forum
sign up and register
post a message asking for help
start using the PS tools to look for stones

I see it as a naive comment. She said she just wanted to get married and would be happy with anything. Not she'll damn well wear whatever crap I scrap off the ground and give her.

I read it as nativity on both sides rather than the buyer purposely being a prick. Sure, if it were said in real life and the tone matched arrogance and prickishness I'd double take and give him an earful. At one point in time I really would have been thrilled with whatever DH gave me. What can I say, I was young and silly once.

 

[inne]

There are such strong cultural taboos against women wanting (let alone asking for) specific engagement ring characteristics... It’s “spoiled” to “demand” size, it’s “immodest” to ask for an eye catching setting, it’s “ungrateful” to be unhappy with a well-intentioned surprise that doesn’t suit aesthetically.

IMO men will be stuck guessing - sometimes incorrectly - for exactly as long as it’s taboo for women to express any strong opinions they may have.

Yes! An engagement ring has tremendous cultural value, which is why people literally spend thousands of dollars on them, including people who would never, ever spend thousands on dollars on any other piece of jewellery. Engagement rings are clearly A Big Deal. But a woman actually caring about that ring that cost thousands of dollars and which she's expected to wear for the rest of her life - how awful! How dare she want a ring to her taste, she should be happy anyone wants to marry her at all!

Engagement rings are not a topic of discussion in my real life. Despite no longer being particularly young, very few of my friends are married and fewer still have the means to think a lot about diamonds.

But on jewellery-related forums (not here), I see this sentiment again and again. How many times have I read "I would be happy with a ring pop!", a statement meant to reassure everyone that a woman has no expectations or desires other than True Love, because anything else would be uncouth. And how many times have I read about how scared women are of telling their partners the ring is not to their taste? And how many times have I read replies to those women telling them to keep these feelings secret for the rest of their lives because his feelings about the ring are what truly matter and the only feeling she should have is grateful?

Of course many women keep their preferences to themselves, sometimes literally saying they would be happy with anything. And of course many men are left in the dark.

I drives me bananas!

 

[nala]

I'm reading it from a different place than some of you. I tend to assume the best in people and the only place I've ever heard this is on this forum or other similar internet spaces. When it happens it's in Rocky Talk where a person has already made the effort to:
google diamonds
find this forum
sign up and register
post a message asking for help
start using the PS tools to look for stones

I see it as a naive comment. She said she just wanted to get married and would be happy with anything. Not she'll damn well wear whatever crap I scrap off the ground and give her.

I read it as nativity on both sides rather than the buyer purposely being a prick. Sure, if it were said in real life and the tone matched arrogance and prickishness I'd double take and give him an earful. At one point in time I really would have been thrilled with whatever DH gave me. What can I say, I was young and silly once.

Hi. No. Real life. True story. By men who are in love.

 

[doberman]

There are such strong cultural taboos against women wanting (let alone asking for) specific engagement ring characteristics... It’s “spoiled” to “demand” size, it’s “immodest” to ask for an eye catching setting, it’s “ungrateful” to be unhappy with a well-intentioned surprise that doesn’t suit aesthetically.

IMO men will be stuck guessing - sometimes incorrectly - for exactly as long as it’s taboo for women to express any strong opinions they may have.

Dont forget "materialistic".

 

[redwood66]

My DH would never say or think such a thing.

 

[lyra]

I really don't "get" a few things. I don't get wanting to be surprised by a proposal and surprised with a ring. I don't get guys wanting to choose the ring all by themselves. I especially don't get two people not sitting down rationally and discussing budget and expectations. I don't get not wanting to choose your own ring within all the parameters in lieu of having some short lived "surprise" moment that may hit or miss. Open communication could make it all go so smoothly.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I really don't "get" a few things. I don't get wanting to be surprised by a proposal and surprised with a ring. I don't get guys wanting to choose the ring all by themselves. I especially don't get two people not sitting down rationally and discussing budget and expectations. I don't get not wanting to choose your own ring within all the parameters in lieu of having some short lived "surprise" moment that may hit or miss. Open communication could make it all go so smoothly.

Yes, I don't get the whole surprise proposal thing. I would think that if your relationship has progressed to the point where both feel that they want to be married to each other, you would know each other's likes/dislikes and expectations. I personally would not want a surprise proposal. It would mean that my partner is ready to commit, but I'm not at the same place in the relationship!

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Yes, I don't get the whole surprise proposal thing. I would think that if your relationship has progressed to the point where both feel that they want to be married to each other, you would know each other's likes/dislikes and expectations. I personally would not want a surprise proposal. It would mean that my partner is ready to commit, but I'm not at the same place in the relationship!

The way I’ve always heard it is “you can be surprised by how your partner proposes, but not by the proposal itself” which is a sentiment I totally agree with. I’d love to be surprised, see what my SO can come up with for a nice special romantic date, but we’ve already started talking things through even though no plans to get married for a few years. Once we start ring shopping, he’s free to start planning a proposal, and after the ring is ready and he’s gotten it handed over to himself, he’s allowed 6 months before I tear the place apart, find it and shove the thing on my own finger because there’s no way he’s getting out of marrying me once we get to that point I know people who have been happy with getting the question sprung on them completely out of the blue with zero inkling and previous conversation, but... that would honestly freak me out. It rarely works, in my opinion.

 

[Polished]

"Well I wouldn't trade my life for diamonds and jewels
I never was one of them money hungry fools ..."

There's undoubtedly some form of John Denver psychology surrounding jewelry, engagement rings in general and might manifest somehow in "she'll be happy with anything". Perhaps it is a phrase that helps the giver take the enormous pressure off having to choose something expensive as a surprise gift. I'm all in favour of choosing together then if the woman chooses something she doesn't end up loving over time, it's down to her as opposed to a build up of resentment that gets aimed at a spouse.

 

[mom2dolls]

My DH was very particular when we were shopping for diamonds for my engagement ring. He believed only a round diamond was acceptable and was unwilling to look at anything else. I voiced my feelings about wanting a ruby as the center stone for my engagement ring and he was 1000% against it. Said that is not an engagement ring. Soooo we picked a diamond and a setting and they are beautiful. 7 years later and mannnnnnyyyyy shared images from this amazing website he has absolutely changed his opinion and said the other day he wished he had listened to what I wanted. That he was foolish to have such a narrow opinion. One day I will get that ruby!

 

[YadaYadaYada]

If I heard a guy say this, my off the cuff response would be

“yes, she is marrying you after all”

 

[jbake]

If I heard a gentlemen say this my off the cuff response would be

“yes she is marrying you after all”

Ha! This made me snort laugh!

 

[nala]

I know many women like this. I have friends who just want to be engaged to get married and are totally fine with a cheap, CZ costume jewelry engagement ring (because that's exactly what they got and they are happy with it).

Ok. After reading various replies on this thread, I was beginning to question the quality of my social circle, lol. Glad to know I’m not alone. Bc while I do know the 3 men who have said this comment to me, I know other women who have made that remark about themselves as well (not the girlfriends of these 3 men)

 

[nala]

If I heard a guy say this, my off the cuff response would be

“yes, she is marrying you after all”

You know. I laughed. And then I wondered why I didn’t reply in like manner. And here is why. These men were so sincere. And they were so excited about this gesture—that it made me feel cynical to even think that. That’s what prompted me to post this thread.

 

[nala]

I know when we first got married I would have been happy with anything my husband would have given me. I didn’t get an engagement ring when we were married bc we were young and broke so anything he would have bought me would have made me happy.

In my culture, I’m a Latina, my sisters didn’t even get engagement rings! Maybe it had to do with the fact that we were all so young. I was 20 and the only reason I got one is because We always walked by a jeweler on my to work and he knew us because of that. The jeweler actually encouraged us to get one and while it meant nothing to me—my now ex-husband Was excited to and spent 300 for a gorgeous solitaire—which was a diamond prob .25 or so—that I never wore bc I didn’t see the point. Sigh.

 

[Yelena]

Perhaps some women would be happy with whatever was chosen for them but I wouldn’t be. I think it’s an arrogant and patronising attitude to have towards your future wife. She’s an adult, not a child and if she has to wear the ring forever, then in my opinion she should choose it. Goodness, I give my child options so that she can learn how to consider things and make choices for herself. She’s a person with rights and her own tastes, even if she is still a child. I find it disturbing for a man to think that way about the woman he is going to marry.

 

[nala]

There are such strong cultural taboos against women wanting (let alone asking for) specific engagement ring characteristics... It’s “spoiled” to “demand” size, it’s “immodest” to ask for an eye catching setting, it’s “ungrateful” to be unhappy with a well-intentioned surprise that doesn’t suit aesthetically.

IMO men will be stuck guessing - sometimes incorrectly - for exactly as long as it’s taboo for women to express any strong opinions they may have.

Oh, it’s taboo to say, let’s get married! A woman has to wait to be asked. God forbid she is goal oriented and just wants to move her life along. Lol. I actually have been married twice and both times were my doing. Downside, I didn’t get the romantic surprise proposal and that kind of saddens me. Upside, I didn’t stew in resentment waiting for him to ask. It’s a trade-off, I guess.

 

[nala]

I tend to agree with @Rhea , I think the "happy with anything" relates to *I* chose this for *you* ergo you will be happy with what I chose. I'm not even sure whether the jewelry is costume or high end matters. I have come across men with this attitude. It's complicated though, in some instances it might cluelessness or a communication problem and in other instances it can be to do with arrogance and control.

Ok. So I’m not the only one. I wonder if it has to do with finances, too. Culture? The idea that it’s a gift? Or the fact that a ring is just a ring and not the marriage?

 

[Yelena]

You know. I laughed. And then I wondered why I didn’t reply in like manner. And here is why. These men were so sincere. And they were so excited about this gesture—that it made me feel cynical to even think that. That’s what prompted me to post this thread.

They’re swimming in the waters of patriarchy and they are just like the two young fish below.

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?”

 

[nala]

Well, to be honest, I would have been happy with whatever came along. But he would never be the man to brag about such a thing (or I would not have married him). First of all, as a European, I didn‘t give too much weight on the ring in the first place. It was nice to have but not absolutely necessary and at the time also not too common. And more important, at the end I married the man, not the ring. He designed it himself and gave much thought, which meant a lot to me. Would I have chosen this ring if asked beforehand? Maybe, maybe not. But it‘s not important. Now, after many years and many more rings, we are still happy. I‘d say, we grew one next to the other, also ringwise. He gave me bigger and more precious rings, but the very first one is my real treasure. I‘d never let it go.

Your response is refreshing and I suspect has to do with the culture—as you mention. But I agree—a ring is just a ring and not the marriage. I think here on PS it’s easy to lose sight of this. Some women forget about their ring right after the wedding—as evidenced by all the dirty rings out there! Lol

 

[nala]

They’re swimming in the waters of patriarchy and they are just like the two young fish below.

“There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says "Morning, boys. How's the water?" And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes "What the hell is water?”

So do you think all women out there value an engagement ring—which is symbolic of the patriarchy?

 

[Yelena]

So do you think all women out there value an engagement ring?

No, some women don‘t care much about jewellery. I have a friend who wears a simple platinum band as her wedding ring, no engagement ring or any desire for one. She wanted to get married wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She just isn’t into it. I actually think she wouldn’t have wanted her DH to go and spend money on an E ring either. It’s just not her thing. However I think she’s an outlier in Australian culture.

I think most young women here want an E Ring. I’m middle aged now and any partner of mine would have to be very clueless to go and buy me a ring without my input, simply because jewellery is such a passion for me. I’m the other extreme. I could give him two rings to choose from, but ultimately what I wear on my fingers is up to me. And well, at some point in time I will end up getting the second ring anyway

I got engaged a long time ago now when I was 19 (talk about a baby) and even then I chose the ring. We talked about the budget as our money rather than it being his money vs my money.

 

[nala]

Yes, I don't get the whole surprise proposal thing. I would think that if your relationship has progressed to the point where both feel that they want to be married to each other, you would know each other's likes/dislikes and expectations. I personally would not want a surprise proposal. It would mean that my partner is ready to commit, but I'm not at the same place in the relationship!

You sound like me—practical. But sometimes I get pangs of jealousy, tbh. Especially when the person proposed to is ecstatic! Like, that must be an amazing feeling—to have someone make all that effort to ensure that you are swept off your feet.

 

[Yelena]

So do you think all women out there value an engagement ring—which is symbolic of the patriarchy?

I don’t think Engagement Rings are symbolic of patriarchy, I think they are a symbol of relationship status, in the same way that a wedding band on a man says he is married.

 

[inne]

You sound like me—practical. But sometimes I get pangs of jealousy, tbh. Especially when the person proposed to is ecstatic! Like, that must be an amazing feeling—to have someone make all that effort to ensure that you are swept off your feet.

I totally understand. My husband and I decided to get married very quickly and very young because it was the only practical way for us to live in the same country. So of course we decided that together. We barely had money for our daily long-distance phone calls, we certainly didn't have money for a fancy ring. I'm also from Sweden, where the "surprise!" proposal has not been this very strong storyline. So that whole scenario was not something I ever really thought about. But after years of being exposed to the The Most Romantic Surprise Ever! stories in my 20s and 30s, I'm a little bit like 'I wish I had had that!' Even though it is so absurd! But it's hard to be immune to those grand events.

 

[nala]

I totally understand. My husband and I decided to get married very quickly and very young because it was the only practical way for us to live in the same country. So of course we decided that together. We barely had money for our daily long-distance phone calls, we certainly didn't have money for a fancy ring. I'm also from Sweden, where the "surprise!" proposal has not been this very strong storyline. So that whole scenario was not something I ever really thought about. But after years of being exposed to the The Most Romantic Surprise Ever! stories in my 20s and 30s, I'm a little bit like 'I wish I had had that!' Even though it is so absurd! But it's hard to be immune to those grand events.

So I follow this woman on ig—she works for one of my jewelers and recently she posted the most elaborate proposal. And a lot of people went out of their way to make it happen! Friends, family... I kept thinking how fabulous one must feel to see all that effort. But I’d be naive to think that in her case, she had nothing to do with it. It played out like a commercial for a wedding planner and jeweler, lol, after she tagged and thanked everyone. But I’m a sucker for the genuine proposals.