She will be happy with anything...

[nala]

How often have you heard men say this when shopping for an engagement ring? I have to wonder if it’s true. Are these men just clueless or has PS made me a cynic when it comes to diamonds? Do you know any couples for which this was the case? Thoughts?

 

[RosieR]

Maybe these men are confusing the sentiment? Maybe they think she’ll be happy to be married the ring isn’t important? I was shocked and happy to get engaged, but my now husband was not sure I would like the ring. I did not. We are married because I said yes to the man, not the ring. I’m a big girl, I can buy my own diamonds, and I have!
With regards to PS making you a cynic, I think it’s more to do with American expectations of engagement. Here in the uk it’s pretty normal to be engaged with a non diamond ring, or a ring from a family member.

 

[dk168]

It is one of my peeves as mentioned in the jewellery peeves thread, for someone to come in PS and asked for advice, and when PSers asked if this person was sure his/her OH really wanted a fancy shape in some fancy setting etc., to be responded with something in the line of "my OH will be happy with anything I give her/him."

My first thought would be the relationship would not last, unless that person's OH was a doormat!

DK

 

[Rubymal]

I know many women like this. I have friends who just want to be engaged to get married and are totally fine with a cheap, CZ costume jewelry engagement ring (because that's exactly what they got and they are happy with it).

 

[maryjane04]

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. My now husband got me costume jewelry when he proposed the first time. I was so disappointed for years. And wanted an upgrade but then he was like "nothing I get you would make you happy". Lol but have you tried? Obviously some men need guidance and are too clueless to ask for help.

 

[Rhea]

I think it's true for a lot of woman. For many, this will be their first real and serious piece of jewelry. And if they're younger they may not know their tastes and style yet. To a young woman on the brink of engagement it's exciting and romantic. Movies and ads sold them this fantasy of the man surprising them with the perfect ring that they'll treasure. It's only later when the woman becomes unhappy. She realises it doesn't suit her lifestyle, or the price or quality was different than what she'd buy herself.

Media puts both parties into a corner. Men, she'll love it no matter what because it came from you. Women, he worked hard to surprise you and it'll be perfect because it came from him. But tastes change and so do circumstances and expectations. Loving something on an ad is completely different to enjoying using it regularly.

I don't have a single female friend who, within a year of the wedding, doesn't want a different ring no matter how much or little they were involved in choosing it. I'm guessing if any have a 2nd marriage their experiences will be vastly different. The woman will know herself better and be more involved in the process than she was in her 20s. I'm also betting none of my immediate will get divorced just because of the ring disappointment They might just change their ring and switch firmly to the "she won't love it no matter what" camp.

 

[Tartansparkles]

I tend to agree with @Rhea , I think the "happy with anything" relates to *I* chose this for *you* ergo you will be happy with what I chose. I'm not even sure whether the jewelry is costume or high end matters. I have come across men with this attitude. It's complicated though, in some instances it might cluelessness or a communication problem and in other instances it can be to do with arrogance and control.

 

[Daisys and Diamonds]

How often have you heard men say this when shopping for an engagement ring? I have to wonder if it’s true. Are these men just clueless or has PS made me a cynic when it comes to diamonds? Do you know any couples for which this was the case? Thoughts?

After more than 20 years i have given up
I would be overjoyed to get anything !
Even something from the toyshop

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

People say that about gems???

I hear people say that about their dogs (No need to feed them gourmet food they'll be happy with anything) and it really annoys me let alone talking about engagement rings.

 

[missy]

I have never heard anyone IRL say this.
Thankfully.
IMO anyone who would say that is a di*k.

Why do I feel this way? Because they are not taking the needs of their SO into account. We all have preferences. We all have things we like and don't like. Even the least opinionated person has individual likes and dislikes. If you love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with that person don't you want to choose a ring (if they are planning to wear a ring that is) that will make them happy? That will reflect their taste? That they will wear and enjoy?

IMO this means something more than the ring. If a man says this what else do they feel like this about? Do they think Oh, wherever we live will be good and my SO's preferences don't matter here. And so on and so forth.
It is not just about the ring. IMO.

If you’re sharing your life with someone, it’s important that you have a say in the decisions that will affect you. Your partner’s opinions and feelings are important, and so are yours. Your voice matters. In a healthy relationship, a loving partner will value your thoughts and opinions and not pretend that you don't have one or assume theirs are more important.

Perhaps these are the same men who think getting married is a gift for the woman and they are doing them a big service. Yeah, no thanks.

Perhaps there is a context for a statement like this that would make me feel differently about it but without any context my answer remains the same.

Any body who would say "She will be happy with anything..." is, IMO, someone she would probably be better without in the long run.

 

[missy]

People say that about gems???

I hear people say that about their dogs (No need to feed them gourmet food they'll be happy with anything) and it really annoys me let alone talking about engagement rings.

Yeah those people probably don't deserve having furry babies in their family. Who says something like this? That would annoy and upset me too. Poor dogs.

 

[GoldenTouch]

Ah.... I believe we all “care” what we get but it doesn’t have to be because it’s worth more.

I didn’t get the engagement ring I wanted... never the less we agreed on a beautiful 3 stone diamond ring. It was lovely & I was told by everyone I was so lucky etc etc... it was a lot more $$ than what I would of liked. So money wasn’t the issue.

I wanted a LARGE pave diamond domed ring with plain bands either side... but according to my x husband (I should of seen that coming ), no one would think we were engaged or married as it wasn’t “according to him” traditional.

I could of still rocked that ring after divorce (on my other hand), but my wedding set now sits in a box until I give it to my daughter when she is old enough.

I’d never settle again (man or jewels)

 

[Elizabeth35]

There might possibly be a few women (who truly don't care about jewelry) that would be happy with pretty much anything because sentiment is more important than style. But very few.

I think a man who says she will be pleased with anything sounds selfish.
I wonder if he would be happy with his wife choosing his vehicle and getting him a Civic when he wants a big truck, because he will be happy with whatever she picks for him.

 

[mellowyellowgirl]

Yeah those people probably don't deserve having furry babies in their family. Who says something like this? That would annoy and upset me too. Poor dogs.

I had a group of "dog lovers" on this dog forum who would constantly badger me about what I fed my dogs. Now I'm pretty.... let's just say easygoing about what I feed my dogs (depending on what they can handle and what stage of life they are in) and it hasn't hurt them in anyway.

But omg you should hear them bang on about it. My old boy used to love cottage pie. He went crazy over the stuff! They kept trying to tell me a piece of toast would be the same.

You know what, he ate glorious meals and although I wished he'd never left me, the food played no part in his passing. I'm so thankful he had many many many glorious years sampling all the yummy things life had to offer.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

That statement grinds my gears. Unless the recipient has literally said “I want you to pick out something that you love and not consider my tastes AT ALL” you can’t conclude that they’re happy with just about anything. I have friends who are indifferent to jewelry, rarely wear it and own very little of it (if any at all!) but they’re really highly specific about what they want their engagement rings to look like (probably because they’re not big on it so they’re extra picky about jewelry they will be wearing all the time). They might not be able to necessarily articulate what they like or don’t, but if you show them 100 pictures they’ll reject 97 as “nope” even if they can’t pin down WHY it’s a nope. Most women I know would hope that their partners would at least consider their tastes/likes/dislikes even if they don’t openly speak to them about it, and would rather not have a ring or would prefer to not be expected to wear the ring, rather than wear a ring they don’t like all the time. Maybe it’s just the people I know, but I find that very few people are truly indifferent. The only time surprising someone without taking their input AT ALL could work is if you have similar tastes, or you get something so classic (like a solitaire on a plain band) that it’s difficult to hate it / easy to dress it up or change it.

 

[Roselina]

Well, to be honest, I would have been happy with whatever came along. But he would never be the man to brag about such a thing (or I would not have married him). First of all, as a European, I didn‘t give too much weight on the ring in the first place. It was nice to have but not absolutely necessary and at the time also not too common. And more important, at the end I married the man, not the ring. He designed it himself and gave much thought, which meant a lot to me. Would I have chosen this ring if asked beforehand? Maybe, maybe not. But it‘s not important. Now, after many years and many more rings, we are still happy. I‘d say, we grew one next to the other, also ringwise. He gave me bigger and more precious rings, but the very first one is my real treasure. I‘d never let it go.

 

[MillieLou]

It's the presumption in "she'll be happy with anything" that is the sign of an arrogant (usually) male that speaks volumes.

"She isn't sure what she wants because she doesn't wear jewellery" "She wants me to choose as a surprise and has said she doesn't mind the style" are much more reasonable statements that don't carry this weight of presumption that whatever he bestows on the grateful lady will make her happy.

Like Missy, I don't come across this attitude often in real life as I don't really associate with men like this. Most either choose with their partner, or are very anxious to get it right if choosing alone.

The problem tends to be more from women towards other women in the UK. There is a lot of misogyny dressed up as "not being materialistic" over here, and women who choose an expensive ring for themselves (or ask to be bought one) are frowned upon. Much more common to hear an apologetic "I'd have been happy with anything but he insisted on [this expensive ring]", rather than a woman owning that she has opinions and desires and yes, they are valid.

 

[PreRaphaelite]

Part of the problem is that it is currently such a high stakes game. If the giver doesn’t get it right, it’s a big fail. But what if it wasn’t expected to be THE RING, but just the first ring.

Let’s start a trend that actually makes a difference.

What if we collectively created a new cultural landscape, a new standard of giving, to take pressure off the clueless but earnest proposer, and the stressed and disappointed recipient, by collectively deciding that the first ring is precious and sentimental but not the only one ever.

Some of us think this way already but the cultural landscape doesn’t support us.

We should start the trend of FirstRing. All the fun of proposals, but the ring is expected to have a shelf life on the finger, maybe a year, maybe a month. The huge decision of what to buy for the intended fiancée is less catastrophic when it fails to please because it’s only the first ring. The giver knows it’s a FirstRing so he can relax about it, and the receiver knows it’s a FirstRing so she can find it funny, or sweet, or annoying, for a while and then choose her own.

Historically, the industry has made sweeping changes to buying trends through marketing ideas like “three months salary” and other cultural messages. Why not change the whole engagement ring zeitgeist? It’s not like we can’t; we already have. “A diamond is forever” worked. A lot of rings sold and continue to do so. What if the industry could sell 30-40% more rings by changing the narrative around the experience?

We as freshly-affianced get a FirstRing for the proposal, with the second ring to come, more expensive perhaps, more custom, more carefully considered, but of our choosing.

As with all large cultural swings, it won’t turn on a dime. It takes time and lots of marketing. But it opens the door to a lot of things that are already happening: lab stones are suddenly finding their calling as the stone of choice for FirstRings, including lab CS and moissanite. Small-stone vintage and antique rings suddenly enjoy more attention, and the term “sweet” is no longer an epithet. Maul stores become less predatory because the stone details don’t need to be ‘massaged’ with comedic certificates anymore. Clueless hopefuls who come to PS for advice on choosing a ring would be relieved to find that the FirstRing trend suits them, and those with firmer opinions about stones wouldn’t be affected. Think of the millions of people who would have happier proposals. The sense of fun could return to the whole market by taking the pressure off.





When was the last time a ring made you giggle?





Exactly.





Now, I can just imagine dozens of pairs of eyeballs rolling. I know, I know. PS is not the intended market for this though! The FirstRing trend would be of real benefit to the masses. Of course, jewellers will always continue to serve enthusiasts and collectors and this would not affect people who want a specific cut or style. This trend merely removes the speedbumps from the engagement ring shopping experience. We could help millions!

Anyone want to start a thread of FirstRings?

 

[bludiva]

I like the first ring thread idea @PreRaphaelite

I think it’s true that the proposal matters way more than the ring for a lot of people and she’ll be happy with whatever at first. But after wearing it day in day out she may realize it’s not her style or after a few years maybe her style has changed. Others maybe don’t want to offend their fiancés or seem unappreciative of a gift.
My sister for example has a channel set ER that was popularat the time and she doesn’t love it now but doesn’t care enough to change it.

I think going shopping together for the ER is the best bet vs trying to buy something so important based on a best guess.

 

[stracci2000]

Part of the problem is that it is currently such a high stakes game. If the giver doesn’t get it right, it’s a big fail. But what if it wasn’t expected to be THE RING, but just the first ring.

Let’s start a trend that actually makes a difference.

What if we collectively created a new cultural landscape, a new standard of giving, to take pressure off the clueless but earnest proposer, and the stressed and disappointed recipient, by collectively deciding that the first ring is precious and sentimental but not the only one ever.

Some of us think this way already but the cultural landscape doesn’t support us.

We should start the trend of FirstRing. All the fun of proposals, but the ring is expected to have a shelf life on the finger, maybe a year, maybe a month. The huge decision of what to buy for the intended fiancée is less catastrophic when it fails to please because it’s only the first ring. The giver knows it’s a FirstRing so he can relax about it, and the receiver knows it’s a FirstRing so she can find it funny, or sweet, or annoying, for a while and then choose her own.

Historically, the industry has made sweeping changes to buying trends through marketing ideas like “three months salary” and other cultural messages. Why not change the whole engagement ring zeitgeist? It’s not like we can’t; we already have. “A diamond is forever” worked. A lot of rings sold and continue to do so. What if the industry could sell 30-40% more rings by changing the narrative around the experience?

We as freshly-affianced get a FirstRing for the proposal, with the second ring to come, more expensive perhaps, more custom, more carefully considered, but of our choosing.

As with all large cultural swings, it won’t turn on a dime. It takes time and lots of marketing. But it opens the door to a lot of things that are already happening: lab stones are suddenly finding their calling as the stone of choice for FirstRings, including lab CS and moissanite. Small-stone vintage and antique rings suddenly enjoy more attention, and the term “sweet” is no longer an epithet. Maul stores become less predatory because the stone details don’t need to be ‘massaged’ with comedic certificates anymore. Clueless hopefuls who come to PS for advice on choosing a ring would be relieved to find that the FirstRing trend suits them, and those with firmer opinions about stones wouldn’t be affected. Think of the millions of people who would have happier proposals. The sense of fun could return to the whole market by taking the pressure off.





When was the last time a ring made you giggle?





Exactly.





Now, I can just imagine dozens of pairs of eyeballs rolling. I know, I know. PS is not the intended market for this though! The FirstRing trend would be of real benefit to the masses. Of course, jewellers will always continue to serve enthusiasts and collectors and this would not affect people who want a specific cut or style. This trend merely removes the speedbumps from the engagement ring shopping experience. We could help millions!

Anyone want to start a thread of FirstRings?

This is genius!

 

[yssie]

There are such strong cultural taboos against women wanting (let alone asking for) specific engagement ring characteristics... It’s “spoiled” to “demand” size, it’s “immodest” to ask for an eye catching setting, it’s “ungrateful” to be unhappy with a well-intentioned surprise that doesn’t suit aesthetically.

IMO men will be stuck guessing - sometimes incorrectly - for exactly as long as it’s taboo for women to express any strong opinions they may have.

 

[stracci2000]

When I got engaged in 1984, My fiance went to his cousin, a jeweler. This was all unbeknownst to me.
The jeweler showed him a handful of loose stones, and he picked the biggest one(1.10 ct.), because he knew I liked jewelry.
He chose a basic solitaire setting with 6 prongs. He said "I chose the plain setting, because I knew you wouldn't dislike it."
But he did suggest that I could change it later, if I wanted. So kudos to him for that. And for picking the biggest stone!

 

[kenny]

How often have you heard men say this when shopping for an engagement ring? I have to wonder if it’s true. Are these men just clueless or has PS made me a cynic when it comes to diamonds? Do you know any couples for which this was the case? Thoughts?

Yep, men vary, as do women.
Some women will be happy with anything her man picks.
Some men will be happy with anything his woman picks.
Some women will be happy with anything her woman picks.
Some men will be happy with anything his man picks.
Have I covered all the possibilities?

There is no single right way that all others should be when it comes to things like this.
That's why we all should keep shopping till we find a partner who is a good match for us.

Calling others clueless because they aren't how you (or even the majority) prefer is messed up.

Finding a good match is much better than thinking we can change him/her after accepting him/her as a partner.
IMO it's best to just let others be different from us when it comes to things like this.

Those are my thoughts.

 

[lyra]

There's too much pressure these days. Pressure to choose the exact right ring, ethically sourced stones that many think can't be diamonds, less money to put forward, on and on.

In my life, my BIL's wife did not care at all. Her first engagement ring was a small modern (1980s) cluster ring. Her last ER was 2.5cts high quality. She truly didn't care to begin with, but as they acquired wealth I guess she opted for a couple of upgrades. I cared only for the style to begin with, and a very small stone (.26ct). I was wrong about the style, it was awful to deal with. And I upgraded almost every 5 years, lol.

 

[AllAboardTheBlingTrain]

Part of the problem is that it is currently such a high stakes game. If the giver doesn’t get it right, it’s a big fail. But what if it wasn’t expected to be THE RING, but just the first ring.

Let’s start a trend that actually makes a difference.

What if we collectively created a new cultural landscape, a new standard of giving, to take pressure off the clueless but earnest proposer, and the stressed and disappointed recipient, by collectively deciding that the first ring is precious and sentimental but not the only one ever.

Some of us think this way already but the cultural landscape doesn’t support us.

We should start the trend of FirstRing. All the fun of proposals, but the ring is expected to have a shelf life on the finger, maybe a year, maybe a month. The huge decision of what to buy for the intended fiancée is less catastrophic when it fails to please because it’s only the first ring. The giver knows it’s a FirstRing so he can relax about it, and the receiver knows it’s a FirstRing so she can find it funny, or sweet, or annoying, for a while and then choose her own.

Historically, the industry has made sweeping changes to buying trends through marketing ideas like “three months salary” and other cultural messages. Why not change the whole engagement ring zeitgeist? It’s not like we can’t; we already have. “A diamond is forever” worked. A lot of rings sold and continue to do so. What if the industry could sell 30-40% more rings by changing the narrative around the experience?

We as freshly-affianced get a FirstRing for the proposal, with the second ring to come, more expensive perhaps, more custom, more carefully considered, but of our choosing.

As with all large cultural swings, it won’t turn on a dime. It takes time and lots of marketing. But it opens the door to a lot of things that are already happening: lab stones are suddenly finding their calling as the stone of choice for FirstRings, including lab CS and moissanite. Small-stone vintage and antique rings suddenly enjoy more attention, and the term “sweet” is no longer an epithet. Maul stores become less predatory because the stone details don’t need to be ‘massaged’ with comedic certificates anymore. Clueless hopefuls who come to PS for advice on choosing a ring would be relieved to find that the FirstRing trend suits them, and those with firmer opinions about stones wouldn’t be affected. Think of the millions of people who would have happier proposals. The sense of fun could return to the whole market by taking the pressure off.





When was the last time a ring made you giggle?





Exactly.





Now, I can just imagine dozens of pairs of eyeballs rolling. I know, I know. PS is not the intended market for this though! The FirstRing trend would be of real benefit to the masses. Of course, jewellers will always continue to serve enthusiasts and collectors and this would not affect people who want a specific cut or style. This trend merely removes the speedbumps from the engagement ring shopping experience. We could help millions!

Anyone want to start a thread of FirstRings?

This is a great idea @PreRaphaelite! Actually something I’ve noticed as a trend in my extended social circle back in my home country recently (I’ve seen it a lot in the last few months actually, which is why I feel like maybe this is catching on) is that of “proposal rings”, which is basically a plain band / inexpensive ring (small diamond or other stone) that was presented at the point of the proposal, and the actual engagement ring is presented at the formal engagement ceremony. Obviously not everyone does / is doing this but it’s something I’ve seen a lot recently. So it’s great because the proposal ring is something not very expensive and that can double as a travel ring in the future or a daily ring and the “engagement ring” is then something either picked out with the input of the woman / a family heirloom. I think it’s a great solution to the problem of “I want to surprise my future fiancée but I also really want her to like what I’ve picked!” My SO and I discussed whether we wanted to do the same but I will basically pick out my own e-ring, and we’re doing a wedding band as well because he likes the idea (it’s not got a ton of significance for us culturally but he wants matching bands, so we’ll do it) and I draw the line at stacking 3 rings almost everyday. If he wants to do a proposal ring he can propose with the wedding band

 

[partgypsy]

There may be women out there like that, but I'm not one of them! As it was my first real (and expensive) piece of jewelry I definitely had strong preferences and so we picked it out together. Maybe some women like surprises but for me part of the fun and excitement of that time was shopping and looking at rings together. As he hated shopping in general, that was part of his gift to me.

 

[Gussie]

I'm with @kenny on this one. Some will be happy; some not. PSers are probably not like most of the general population lol!! But I definitely don't ever want DH to pick jewelry for me again. The last time he did, I literally cried. He just doesn't get it!

 

[nala]

Yep, men vary, as do women.
Some women will be happy with anything her man picks.
Some men will be happy with anything his woman picks.
Some women will be happy with anything her woman picks.
Some men will be happy with anything his man picks.
Have I covered all the possibilities?

There is no single right way that all others should be when it comes to things like this.
That's why we all should keep shopping till we find a partner who is a good match for us.

Calling others clueless because they aren't how you (or even the majority) prefer is messed up.

Finding a good match is much better than thinking we can change him/her after accepting him/her as a partner.
IMO it's best to just let others be different from us when it comes to things like this.

Those are my thoughts.

I didn’t call them clueless but thanks for your judgement—pretty “messed up” of you. Please read carefully. I Started this thread to gain insight bc I genuinely am reflecting on whether PS has influenced me more than the general population when it comes to diamonds and if the fact that I wonder about this topic makes me cynical. But I guess that in your world, and with your sage advice there would be no need to reflect or start threads On human behaviors bc they could all be met with your people vary. Funny tho, you didn’t like when I replied to you In that fashion and you threatened to put me on ignore when you asked a relationship question. Conveniently, you wanted actual insight back then.

 

[ringbling17]

I know when we first got married I would have been happy with anything my husband would have given me. I didn’t get an engagement ring when we were married bc we were young and broke so anything he would have bought me would have made me happy.

 

[mrs-b]

As they say - "It's the thought that counts."

And as *I* say - what kind of thought goes into "Oh - she'll be happy with anything"??

Thought doesn't have to equal 'big diamond'. But thought should equal effort, however that plays out.

I was engaged with my deceased mother's quarter ct diamond, set into a very lightweight setting, which was all my then-student boyfriend could afford. I thought it was the most wonderful ring in the world. It took 8 weeks of 100% of his weekly academic scholarship - the only money he had - to get it set. I picked the setting and I was SO pleased and SO proud and SO in love! We ate rice and canned soup for months to afford it, and it was worth every penny and every boring meal! I felt like the luckiest girl on the planet!

I still do, just by the way.