Seeing the ring BEFORE proposal?

[MaximusCruiser]

I mean, why would someone show their girlfriend a ring before proposing? It seems backwards to me....I guess I just don't understand how it comes to pass. I can see picking the ring out together, but him buying it on the down low and proposing later. I don't get bringing the ring home together, taking it out and looking at it, putting it back, and waiting for the proposal. You already know it's coming, right?

I'm not a guy, but my guess would be to ensure she likes the ring. I think that would lessen the stress for him (and for her). It seems that more and more guys are showing an increased interest in getting their FF what she wants, and not just focusing on the surprise. My DH let me totally design my ring because, and I quote "...if I'm gonna spend this money, you'd better like it! ...if you pick it out, then I know you'll like it..." He knows I'm picky. LOL

FWIW, I asked my DH what he would've chosen for me if he was the one to pick it out and surprise me... Well, he told me...

OMG. -- and not in a good way.

Well... I sort of agree with the thread starter. Other than the surprise factor... even if the ring is not 100% what the lady would have chosen for herself, shouldn't there be any value for the fact that the ring was painstakingly (assuming) chosen by her husband to be? of course it should -- if that's what is important to you.

Yes... buying it with your gf may help make sure it is exactly what she wants... this isn't necessarily true (I mean, as women, are we ever satisfied?? If I were to get exactly what I wanted, we'd probably be eating Ramen noodles for 10 years!) But seriously, I think shopping together will allow each person to have a better understanding about what he/she wants or likes - again, IF that is important to the couple

...but that becomes just making a purchase of anything really. Personally, I would like any important/expensive purchase to be made together (after all, finances are finances...), with the understanding that each person is happy prior to the sale, whether it be the style or the price (saves the possibility of return/exchange hassles & hurt feelings) I value the gift and surprise element... and of course... also the challenge knowing her well enough to pick a ring that will meet say 80% of her expectations or more. If that can be achieved, then her 100% satisfaction is overrated for me. Wow. If possible, I want my DH to be totally satisfied, and vice versa... Guess that's not important to some people. Wait a minute -- REALLY??!!

I told my gf upfront... that picking out a ring with her is something that will never happen between us. Haha.

Marriage is a partnership. It may not phase her a bit (and I hope, for her sake, this is the case), but what if this is important to her? Did you even ask her what her opinions were on the subject?? I'm sorry, but to say, "...[insert statement here] is something that will never happen between us..." is a bit... controlling.

Let's turn the tables a bit, just for kicks...

What if she reciprocated the feeling and picked out a big jeweled band for you made up of diamonds both of your birthstones... she put a lot of thought into it and it meant something to be able to surprise you as she slipped the wedding band on your hand at the altar. ...Because "picking out a ring with you is something that will never happen..." I doubt very seriously you would be too jazzed about wearing that one for the rest of your life. But don't worry!! She'll "let you" upgrade to a larger version in an eternity band in a couple of years!

It works both ways, guy.

For kicks?? Controlling? Gee... I must have really rubbed you the wrong way huh? I am talking about me and my situation.. not remotely forcing it down your throat... so what exactly is your problem here? To be going on such personal attacks?? Sure... I can respect that others may think differently on the topic. But I wonder if you are capable of doing the same... cause you seem to imply there is a clear "right" answer that everyone must follow??

In any case, until she is my wife... the ring is still MY GIFT to her. How I choose to spend and what to buy... frankly is up to me. Some guys rather let the lady decide... but it is still THEIR CHOICE to let the lady decide. I do not see that as controlling and certainly do not need hear that from you. If she hates it... my fault. I will upgrade for her in the future. But then again, if I am silly enough to pick a ring that she hates, then I probably don't know her well enough to be marrying her in the first place.

At the end of the day... the ring may not be perfect... but nothing in life is. What makes the ring special is not about her 100% satisfaction... no one can be really 100% satisfied. Our expectations change over time. What makes the ring special is that it represent my love for her. And that completes any imperfection, in my books. I stress... IN MY BOOKS.

I do not wish to argue with you... there is simply no point. But I ask that you respect others for their views and not turn this thread into man vs woman fight... which is just ridiculous.

 

[MaximusCruiser]

I mean, why would someone show their girlfriend a ring before proposing? It seems backwards to me....I guess I just don't understand how it comes to pass. I can see picking the ring out together, but him buying it on the down low and proposing later. I don't get bringing the ring home together, taking it out and looking at it, putting it back, and waiting for the proposal. You already know it's coming, right?

I'm not a guy, but my guess would be to ensure she likes the ring. I think that would lessen the stress for him (and for her). It seems that more and more guys are showing an increased interest in getting their FF what she wants, and not just focusing on the surprise. My DH let me totally design my ring because, and I quote "...if I'm gonna spend this money, you'd better like it! ...if you pick it out, then I know you'll like it..." He knows I'm picky. LOL

FWIW, I asked my DH what he would've chosen for me if he was the one to pick it out and surprise me... Well, he told me...

OMG. -- and not in a good way.

Well... I sort of agree with the thread starter. Other than the surprise factor... even if the ring is not 100% what the lady would have chosen for herself, shouldn't there be any value for the fact that the ring was painstakingly (assuming) chosen by her husband to be?

Yes... buying it with your gf may help make sure it is exactly what she wants... but that becomes just making a purchase of anything really. I value the gift and surprise element... and of course... also the challenge knowing her well enough to pick a ring that will meet say 80% of her expectations or more. If that can be achieved, then her 100% satisfaction is overrated for me.

I told my gf upfront... that picking out a ring with her is something that will never happen between us. Haha.

It's this attitude of power and control that I object to. And why is buying the ring some sort of a "challenge" to "prove" you know her well enough to meet 80% of her expectations (but 100% would be overrated?!?). WTH? Picking out a ring isn't a sporting event. If I was your girlfriend, I would wonder what other areas of our life together you'd fall short in.

You are taking this WAY too personally. Life is too short to be debating with you on the issue.

Maximus, when you said that picking out a ring together is something that will never happen with you, did you just mean that you were determined to be as romantic about it as possible? (which for you means a complete surprise).

Yes... that is what I meant.

I plan to propose to her on our upcoming transatlantic cruise. Hopefully under the glow of The Northern Lights in Iceland.

 

[bcavitt]

The 50% divorce rate considers all marriages, not just first marriages. I was told this statistic by a sociology professor friend of mine and I have no reason to doubt him (twice married, by the way).

As a retailer, we see couples of all ages getting married. Some are first marriages, some aren't. Doesn't matter to us. IMHO, why tempt fate? Buy the ring together. Everyone happy. End of story.

 

[Smith1942]

The 50% divorce rate considers all marriages, not just first marriages. I was told this statistic by a sociology professor friend of mine and I have no reason to doubt him (twice married, by the way).

As a retailer, we see couples of all ages getting married. Some are first marriages, some aren't. Doesn't matter to us. IMHO, why tempt fate? Buy the ring together. Everyone happy. End of story.

Yes, but the statistic is widely misunderstood as being accurate for first marriages, which it isn't. It's not even accurate for second marriages. Like I said, the small but significant number of people who marry again and again and again and again skews the statistics. So while your friend is correct, the statistic doesn't apply to the majority of people getting married, who are on their first or second marriage. As a sociology prof, your friend will probably be aware of the skewed numbers by the multi-marriers. So while the stat is true as it stands alone, it's not true for many when you factor in a given person's demographics.

I think it matters and is harmful because it sounds like a really scary statistic. In turn, that helps put people - younger people, especially - off the idea of getting married. And that's bad for your business! If it was widely known that the divorce rate is much lower for those who delay marriage, get an education, etc, then people might not be so scared to commit.

 

[Aoife]

For kicks?? Controlling? Gee... I must have really rubbed you the wrong way huh? I am talking about me and my situation.. not remotely forcing it down your throat... so what exactly is your problem here? To be going on such personal attacks?? Sure... I can respect that others may think differently on the topic. But I wonder if you are capable of doing the same... cause you seem to imply there is a clear "right" answer that everyone must follow??

In any case, until she is my wife... the ring is still MY GIFT to her. How I choose to spend and what to buy... frankly is up to me. Some guys rather let the lady decide... but it is still THEIR CHOICE to let the lady decide. I do not see that as controlling and certainly do not need hear that from you. If she hates it... my fault. I will upgrade for her in the future. But then again, if I am silly enough to pick a ring that she hates, then I probably don't know her well enough to be marrying her in the first place.

At the end of the day... the ring may not be perfect... but nothing in life is. What makes the ring special is not about her 100% satisfaction... no one can be really 100% satisfied. Our expectations change over time. What makes the ring special is that it represent my love for her. And that completes any imperfection, in my books. I stress... IN MY BOOKS.

I do not wish to argue with you... there is simply no point. But I ask that you respect others for their views and not turn this thread into man vs woman fight... which is just ridiculous.

Not going to comment on the rest of the post, but what I bolded is where the problem lies. If you knew the number of women we see come here who post about how much they hate/have always hated their engagement rings, but don't want to hurt their fiance/husband's feelings....! Many of them no longer even wear the engagement ring.

From my own perspective, my DH and I have been together over 40 years. We know each other very, very well, and share many of the same tastes. He never buys me jewelry without my input, because with jewelry even minute variances in style and detail have an enormous impact, and in the early years of our marriage, my jewelry case was home to quite a few unworn bits and bobs. I appreciated the thought, but never wore them. Now, we agree on a budget, and i choose my own. He listens politely, and enjoys seeing my enjoyment.

The engagement ring isn't a test, it's supposed to be a symbol, and in a marriage of equals, both partners having input is not a bad way to go.

 

[MaximusCruiser]

However, when it's coming from a man it can be innocent, or it can come from a place of dominance that most women wouldn't want to be around, and on a public internet forum with no body language or tone of voice, it's impossible to tell which. I think that's why some women reading your post would have alarm bells going off. But possibly all you meant is that you want to arrange as great a surprise as possible, not that you necessarily have a pathological need for control over the situation.

While I understand and appreciate your clarification, I still find it ridiculous that people get so worked up and become so hostile, which is unwarranted in the good spirit of this forum.

In any case, my special lady has always preferred a "take charge" kind of guy and HATES to make decisions...so that is perfectly fine with her. It is silly to have to "justify" to people like that. We love each other and that is all that matters.

 

[soxfan]

this thread has certainly become interesting. When I asked, I guess I just didn't understand the concept of buying the ring together, putting it in a drawer, and then "waiting" for the proposal. Seems odd to me, that's all.

But that's just me. Like you all have said, people are different.....

 

[MaximusCruiser]

Not going to comment on the rest of the post, but what I bolded is where the problem lies. If you knew the number of women we see come here who post about how much they hate/have always hated their engagement rings, but don't want to hurt their fiance/husband's feelings....! Many of them no longer even wear the engagement ring.

From my own perspective, my DH and I have been together over 40 years. We know each other very, very well, and share many of the same tastes. He never buys me jewelry without my input, because with jewelry even minute variances in style and detail have an enormous impact, and in the early years of our marriage, my jewelry case was home to quite a few unworn bits and bobs. I appreciated the thought, but never wore them. Now, we agree on a budget, and i choose my own. He listens politely, and enjoys seeing my enjoyment.

The engagement ring isn't a test, it's supposed to be a symbol, and in a marriage of equals, both partners having input is not a bad way to go.

Congratulations on being together for 40 years. I really admire that.

But in short... I did not say it was a test nor do I treat it as one. I am just confident of not picking something she will hate. And while having inputs from both parties has its merits, it also ruins the surprise and having that moment to be special (in that way). Sure... some people value one over the other. So to each couple their own. Thanks.

 

[Smith1942]

The proposal under the Northern Lights sounds very special. Good luck!

My mother and my brother-in-law both really need someone to tell them what to do. Their spouses, my father and sister, love to make decisions, so both marriages are perfectly matched in that way! I have also had friends that want someone to take charge and not to have to make any decisions. So if your fiancee-to-be doesn't like decisions and you do, then it's a great yin and yang match!

You made a good point about the engagement ring being YOUR gift. I think in these modern times where many couples shop together, sometimes we forget that it is indeed the man's gift. My engagement ring and a proposal was a complete surprise and I had zero input into the ring. While it wasn't exactly what I would have chosen, I appreciated the sentiment behind it and the desire to give. It also wasn't an ugly or a horrid ring but something very classic. Originally he'd wanted to get a pink heart-shaped ring of some sort, but the jeweller gently talked him out of it by pointing out that a classic solitaire goes with everything and never goes out of style, etc. Phew! The setting he'd picked was a six-prong which overwhelmed the 0.70 centre stone, so I personalised the ring a little by changing the head to a semi-bezel. Same ring and diamond and same solitaire style, just a different head. All my jewellery is bezeled and after I made that little tweak, all my jewellery matched.

 

[kmarla]

I'm not being judgemental at all, but like the OP I've just never heard of this LIW concept before either where you've already picked out the ring together, it's purchased, but then unlike a very short term wait, it's hidden for months, years etc. I just wonder if this doesn't cause unnecessary stress, hurt feelings etc.....why hasn't partner proposed yet? Does this set expectations that the proposal has to be something spectacular? I guess it's just always been my experience that once you have the ring and you both know about it then you're usually engaged

You are very lucky, as it would certainly (and did) cause me stress. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of threads posted on the LIW forum addressing these types of concerns. For me, I had to wait three weeks or so, because DH wanted to propose on a trip... and it wasn't like it was some kind of elaborate proposal, so I don't understand why he felt the need to wait. Maybe it made him feel better to have pretty scenery?? Who knows...

Yes, I guess I was lucky! My husband proposed very spontaneously after a great day out together so there was no ring yet, but I received it a few days later. What confuses me and is new to me is this trend where you've obviously talked about marriage, picked and purchased a ring together so you know she loves it, brought it home and then it gets put away for some open ended surprise proposal in the future......that sometimes takes months or even a year or more! This doesn't seem to be about honouring culture or tradition. I just would go crazy in that situation and start to have all kinds of doubts. Power to the couples who survive it

 

[Christina...]

I've enjoyed reading all the responses! I've considered soxfan's question in the past as well. My initial thought was that I would go absolutely mad in the head if I knew that my ering was tucked away somewhere inside my home just out of my reach! I know myself well enough to know that I would turn the house upside down room by room searching, just for the opportunity to wear it for a few fleeting seconds while DH was away. Rinse. Repeat. Fortunately DH knows me better than I know myself and to my knowledge never considered this option, I imagine for the reasons I just explained.

We purchased my ring together and when it arrived we opened it together, he then said some adorable heartfelt words and slipped it on my finger and we were 'officially' engaged. When I think about it now though, I sort of envy all the adorable romantic proposals that have been posted here on PS. Recently articcatmatt melted my heart when he proposed to his beautiful finance on the cliffs a town away from mine and I longingly wished that my own proposal was as romantic and well planned. So, I don't know, as perfect as I wanted to ensure the ring was I guess I also would have enjoyed the perfect memory of a creative proposal and had the ring been tucked aside for a period of time so I suppose I could have had both so I guess I do get it on some level. Ive also sensed that DH felt a bit ripped off. He has mentioned that I took much of the pressure off and he wouldn't have had a clue what I would have wanted and very likely the ring would have been much different but he says he had through the years had ideas about what he would have liked the proposal to be like. He hasn't shared these 'ideas' with me so I have high hopes that they are being saved for a future re-proposal! Maybe I'll get my cake and eat it too after all.

 

[msop04]

Marriage is a partnership. It may not phase her a bit (and I hope, for her sake, this is the case), but what if this is important to her? Did you even ask her what her opinions were on the subject?? I'm sorry, but to say, "...[insert statement here] is something that will never happen between us..." is a bit... controlling.

Let's turn the tables a bit, just for kicks...

What if she reciprocated the feeling and picked out a big jeweled band for you made up of diamonds both of your birthstones... she put a lot of thought into it and it meant something to be able to surprise you as she slipped the wedding band on your hand at the altar. ...Because "picking out a ring with you is something that will never happen..." I doubt very seriously you would be too jazzed about wearing that one for the rest of your life. But don't worry!! She'll "let you" upgrade to a larger version in an eternity band in a couple of years!

It works both ways, guy.

For kicks?? I have a healthy sense of humor, as this is supposed to be funny... clearly, you took this in entirely the wrong way, and if it ruffled your feathers a bit, then... well, maybe it should have. But not in a hateful way... My silly "what if" scenario was meant to be read in the hopes that one would think about what it might feel like if he/she were on the other end of that type mentality. I mean, for all intents and purposes, what's it to you what her ring looks like? As long as it meets the budget and she's happy... I would hope that you would want her to like it at least to the point that you wouldn't just brush it off... but to each his own, I guess.

Controlling? Gee... I must have really rubbed you the wrong way huh? Not really, just wanting you to try to imagine how I am talking about me and my situation.. not remotely forcing it down your throat... so what exactly is your problem here?

I don't have a problem with you, personally. I believe that in a healthy and loving relationship, each person should try his/her best to please the other -- simply by doing the other the same courtesies that you would expect for yourself. In my opinion, something so benign as her giving some form of input in picking out a ring should not be "something that will never happen" as you expressed to her. And althought I don't believe the same way as you do regarding this topic, I have every right to post my views, expressing my opinions... Wanting to propose in a traditional way is one thing, but verbally telling your SO that they will never be able to have a hand in choosing the ring that should symbolize your love just for the sake of "being the man" is rather inconsiderate to me.

To be going on such personal attacks?? I can't help what you take personally... I apologize that this angered you to the point of writing such a huffy post. This forum is supposed to be fun!

Sure... I can respect that others may think differently on the topic. But I wonder if you are capable of doing the same... cause you seem to imply there is a clear "right" answer that everyone must follow??

There is no right or wrong answer here, only opinions and may be laced with sarcasm and a little humor on occasion. That's what this thread is all about - how different people feel about the subject. My posts are 100% my opinion. That said, it might behoove you to listen to some of the other opionions here (most importantly, how different approaches may make a woman feel) -- most are from women who have "been there, done that" and are in long, happy marriages. Simply food for thought...

In any case, until she is my wife... the ring is still MY GIFT to her. How I choose to spend and what to buy... frankly is up to me.
Some guys rather let the lady decide... but it is still THEIR CHOICE to let the lady decide. I do not see that as controlling and certainly do not need hear that from you. If she hates it... my fault. I will upgrade for her in the future.

But then again, if I am silly enough to pick a ring that she hates, then I probably don't know her well enough to be marrying her in the first place.

Okay, this is a ridiculous comment to make. To assume you know what ring she would like simply based on your love for her is a strange assumption. Her style and your love have nothing to do with each other - they are not related. At all. My man knows me better than anyone, but he has no interest nor taste in jewelry for a female. He didn't try to act like he did (thankfully ).

At the end of the day... the ring may not be perfect... but nothing in life is. What makes the ring special is not about her 100% satisfaction... no one can be really 100% satisfied. Our expectations change over time. What makes the ring special is that it represent my love for her. And that completes any imperfection, in my books. I stress... IN MY BOOKS.

I share this opinion with you... It's not the ring that makes it special. It's the loving commitment that marriage represents. My idea of a marriage is a partnership, making sure to take the other's thoughts and feelings into consideration at all times... I feel that your idea of "she'll take what I get her, and if she doesn't like it, then oh well..." attitude is pretty low, if this is how you truly feel... It would not be about the ring per se, but an eye-opening indication of how the partner's opinions and feelings will be taken in the future. This is how your specific comments would make me feel personally, that is all...

I do not wish to argue with you... there is simply no point. But I ask that you respect others for their views and not turn this thread into man vs woman fight... which is just ridiculous.

This is most certainly not a man vs. woman fight. It shouldn't be a "fight" at all. It's a thread about the idea of a woman knowing about her ring and having a hand in picking the style and how different people feel about it.

Maybe you should just chill a bit.

And for the record, I sincerely apologize for rubbing you the wrong way.

 

[bunnycat]

How about proposing with just the diamond?

I have no idea what she wants (well very vague idea) or her ring size. I don't think she knows it's coming. So I'm planning to propose with a diamond on one of those circle diamond holders. Afterwards she can go pick out the setting of her dreams.

Good plan? or Bad idea?

I personally think it's a great idea! It sort of let's you have the best of both worlds, as it were. You get to do a surprise proposal and she gets a setting she can like for a long time. The stone in a temp ring is also a nice idea. But, what if you have budget constraints that would be better put towards a nicer setting or a bigger stone? Then the stone holder idea works better, IMO.

 

[soxfan]

um...you'd DIE if you knew how my husband proposed!!!!!!!

 

[msop04]

I've enjoyed reading all the responses! I've considered soxfan's question in the past as well. My initial thought was that I would go absolutely mad in the head if I knew that my ering was tucked away somewhere inside my home just out of my reach! I know myself well enough to know that I would turn the house upside down room by room searching, just for the opportunity to wear it for a few fleeting seconds while DH was away. Rinse. Repeat. Fortunately DH knows me better than I know myself and to my knowledge never considered this option, I imagine for the reasons I just explained.

We purchased my ring together and when it arrived we opened it together, he then said some adorable heartfelt words and slipped it on my finger and we were 'officially' engaged. When I think about it now though, I sort of envy all the adorable romantic proposals that have been posted here on PS. Recently articcatmatt melted my heart when he proposed to his beautiful finance on the cliffs a town away from mine and I longingly wished that my own proposal was as romantic and well planned. So, I don't know, as perfect as I wanted to ensure the ring was I guess I also would have enjoyed the perfect memory of a creative proposal and had the ring been tucked aside for a period of time so I suppose I could have had both so I guess I do get it on some level. Ive also sensed that DH felt a bit ripped off. He has mentioned that I took much of the pressure off and he wouldn't have had a clue what I would have wanted and very likely the ring would have been much different but he says he had through the years had ideas about what he would have liked the proposal to be like. He hasn't shared these 'ideas' with me so I have high hopes that they are being saved for a future re-proposal! Maybe I'll get my cake and eat it too after all.

Your fiance proposed in a very sweet way - I love that, through it all, you guys did it together! Here's to a re-proposal! Thanks so much for sharing, Christina!

 

[msop04]

The proposal under the Northern Lights sounds very special. Good luck!

My mother and my brother-in-law both really need someone to tell them what to do. Their spouses, my father and sister, love to make decisions, so both marriages are perfectly matched in that way! I have also had friends that want someone to take charge and not to have to make any decisions. So if your fiancee-to-be doesn't like decisions and you do, then it's a great yin and yang match! Well said, Smith1942!

You made a good point about the engagement ring being YOUR gift. I think in these modern times where many couples shop together, sometimes we forget that it is indeed the man's gift. My engagement ring and a proposal was a complete surprise and I had zero input into the ring. While it wasn't exactly what I would have chosen, I appreciated the sentiment behind it and the desire to give. It also wasn't an ugly or a horrid ring but something very classic. Originally he'd wanted to get a pink heart-shaped ring of some sort, but the jeweller gently talked him out of it by pointing out that a classic solitaire goes with everything and never goes out of style, etc. Phew! The setting he'd picked was a six-prong which overwhelmed the 0.70 centre stone, so I personalised the ring a little by changing the head to a semi-bezel. Same ring and diamond and same solitaire style, just a different head. All my jewellery is bezeled and after I made that little tweak, all my jewellery matched.

This would be a nice compromise.

 

[MaximusCruiser]

The proposal under the Northern Lights sounds very special. Good luck!

My mother and my brother-in-law both really need someone to tell them what to do. Their spouses, my father and sister, love to make decisions, so both marriages are perfectly matched in that way! I have also had friends that want someone to take charge and not to have to make any decisions. So if your fiancee-to-be doesn't like decisions and you do, then it's a great yin and yang match!

You made a good point about the engagement ring being YOUR gift. I think in these modern times where many couples shop together, sometimes we forget that it is indeed the man's gift. My engagement ring and a proposal was a complete surprise and I had zero input into the ring. While it wasn't exactly what I would have chosen, I appreciated the sentiment behind it and the desire to give. It also wasn't an ugly or a horrid ring but something very classic. Originally he'd wanted to get a pink heart-shaped ring of some sort, but the jeweller gently talked him out of it by pointing out that a classic solitaire goes with everything and never goes out of style, etc. Phew! The setting he'd picked was a six-prong which overwhelmed the 0.70 centre stone, so I personalised the ring a little by changing the head to a semi-bezel. Same ring and diamond and same solitaire style, just a different head. All my jewellery is bezeled and after I made that little tweak, all my jewellery matched.

Thanks... I need ALL the luck I can get! Seeing the Northern Lights is by no means guaranteed. There are people who camp in Iceland for a week and still don't get to see it. We only have one day... so if we do see it... it must be a fantastic sign! Haha.

Yes... funny how some would imply as if I am a dominant alpha-type male. This is far from the truth. While I have my own thinking, I believe in equality and will gladly do the housework. In fact, I am the cook of the house so the kitchen is my domain! Nevertheless, I am still old fashion in some ways and would still frequently open the car door for my lady.

Haha... pink ring?? Yes... you douched a bullet there! Fortunately, he was sensible instead of stubborn about it.

I am happy to change or upgrade the ring for her after the proposal. After all, if she says yes... there after what's mine is hers too. But until then, FOR ME, I will still want it to be a surprise and something totally from me... to show my sincerity and love. That ring will always be special to us, not just to her. After that.. she can have all the fun of picking out or trading in whatever she wants (budget permits, of course).

 

[MaximusCruiser]

um...you'd DIE if you knew how my husband proposed!!!!!!!

Err... how did he propose? Die?? Ok... it is a risk I am willing to take!

 

[Aoife]

Congratulations on being together for 40 years. I really admire that.

But in short... I did not say it was a test nor do I treat it as one. I am just confident of not picking something she will hate. And while having inputs from both parties has its merits, it also ruins the surprise and having that moment to be special (in that way). Sure... some people value one over the other. So to each couple their own. Thanks.

That's what they all say

In your case, I hope it's actually true! I hope you guys get to see the lights, and that your proposal is magical. Please come back and post how it goes and share some photos of the ring.

 

[MaximusCruiser]

That's what they all say

In your case, I hope it's actually true! I hope you guys get to see the lights, and that your proposal is magical. Please come back and post how it goes and share some photos of the ring.

Thanks. Don't worry... nothing is cast in stone (pun intended ). If in the unlikely event that she hates the ring ("hate" being the key word), I will gladly change it after the proposal (assuming she says yes!). But the surprise element is what I want and that moment is priceless to me...err... assuming she doesn't read this thread, of course. Haha.

 

[lovebug1031]

That's what they all say

In your case, I hope it's actually true! I hope you guys get to see the lights, and that your proposal is magical. Please come back and post how it goes and share some photos of the ring.

Thanks. Don't worry... nothing is cast in stone (pun intended ). If in the unlikely event that she hates the ring ("hate" being the key word), I will gladly change it after the proposal (assuming she says yes!). But the surprise element is what I want and that moment is priceless to me...err... assuming she doesn't read this thread, of course. Haha.

Do you think she'd actually tell you if she hated though???!! I can't imagine telling my FI that there are elements of my ring i don't love...do i HATE it? No, so that's a big diff. But I'd LOVE to change the head or prongs or something - I couldn't tell him if i ever did though!

 

[Smith1942]

Maximus, what is your ring like? Is there a thread about it?

 

[msop04]

That's what they all say

In your case, I hope it's actually true! I hope you guys get to see the lights, and that your proposal is magical. Please come back and post how it goes and share some photos of the ring.

Thanks. Don't worry... nothing is cast in stone (pun intended ). If in the unlikely event that she hates the ring ("hate" being the key word), I will gladly change it after the proposal (assuming she says yes!). But the surprise element is what I want and that moment is priceless to me...err... assuming she doesn't read this thread, of course. Haha.

Do you think she'd actually tell you if she hated though???!! I can't imagine telling my FI that there are elements of my ring i don't love...do i HATE it? No, so that's a big diff. But I'd LOVE to change the head or prongs or something - I couldn't tell him if i ever did though!

This would be very difficult to bring up... I mentioned to my DH that I wished he had worn the same suit to our reception that he had worn at our wedding, and he got all hormonal!! (we were married in Mexico, then had a big reception upon our return... and I begged him to wear it prior to the event...) UGH!! Guys and their fragile egos...

 

[peacechick]

Don't you think we're all being too quick to jump on other people when we don't really know them or their relationships? Whether you want a surprise proposal or not, to pick out your ring or not, a public/private proposal, to propose or to be proposed to... those are all very individual decisions influenced by individual relationships.

While I think people brought up a good point in asking if MaximusCruiser had consulted his girlfriend at all about what she likes, in the end, it's their relationship which I would assume he knows best. I thought what he said in his first posting was delivered in a humorous way. She obviously didn't mind not getting a say, or maybe doesn't want it. If she was an OCD type A person however, I highly doubt he would still insist on doing it this way.

I have a feeling that on Pricescope, we have a disproportionately big number of OCD type A personalities here, hahaha (it IS the primer diamond and jewelry forum!) so the idea of not being consulted/not having control flips a few switches...

There are guys who insist on surprising their girlfriends, there are women who insist on surprise proposals, and there are those who hate surprises. There are couples who want to buy the ring together and there are those who don't want to see the ring at all (I am one of them!). There are people who just want a practical engagement, there are people who want something romantic and whimsical, and there are people who just go to City Hall and don't bother about rings or clothes. That's what makes the world interesting

 

[Laila619]

Don't you think we're all being too quick to jump on other people when we don't really know them or their relationships? Whether you want a surprise proposal or not, to pick out your ring or not, a public/private proposal, to propose or to be proposed to... those are all very individual decisions influenced by individual relationships.

While I think people brought up a good point in asking if MaximusCruiser had consulted his girlfriend at all about what she likes, in the end, it's their relationship which I would assume he knows best. I thought what he said in his first posting was delivered in a humorous way. She obviously didn't mind not getting a say, or maybe doesn't want it. If she was an OCD type A person however, I highly doubt he would still insist on doing it this way.

I have a feeling that on Pricescope, we have a disproportionately big number of OCD type A personalities here, hahaha (it IS the primer diamond and jewelry forum!) so the idea of not being consulted/not having control flips a few switches...

There are guys who insist on surprising their girlfriends, there are women who insist on surprise proposals, and there are those who hate surprises. There are couples who want to buy the ring together and there are those who don't want to see the ring at all (I am one of them!). There are people who just want a practical engagement, there are people who want something romantic and whimsical, and there are people who just go to City Hall and don't bother about rings or clothes. That's what makes the world interesting

 

[soxfan]

um...you'd DIE if you knew how my husband proposed!!!!!!!

Err... how did he propose? Die?? Ok... it is a risk I am willing to take!

My husband was married right out of college for less than a year to a crazy woman. Anyway, she had been calling him when we got together trying to win him back. He had his number changed, but she kept calling him at work. We used to laugh about it...

Fast forward 3 years or so, we bought a house, a couple of cars, I found a decent ring second hand that was a good deal. We went to look at it, and he asked if I liked it. I did, but he never said any more about it. He had always told me I'd NEVER know when he was proposing. I used to tell him I would and that there was no way he'd ever surprise me with a proposal.

About 3 weeks go by, and we walked down to the lake from our house after work for a swim. It was really hot. So we swam for a while and he was acting WEIRD. Really weird. So we sat on the edge of the dam, I said "what is up with you?" So he told me his ex wife called him and they had a really good talk and he was "confused." I was shocked. I said "confused how? Like you want to get back together with her?" And he said "I don't know." I got up and said "I'm going home, we need to figure out how to sell the house.." So I am just laughing to myself that here I think I have the PERFECT man for me, and now I'm stuck with a mortgage and 2 car payments, our lives completely intertwined and it just blew up in my face.

So he's chasing behind me yelling my name, I'm ignoring him. He finally catches up with me, grabs my arm, I turn around and he's down on one knee with the ring. He says "Just kidding. Will you marry me?"

 

[soxfan]

so yeah. He made sure I would have NO CLUE when he was proposing. And I didn't.

 

[msop04]

Don't you think we're all being too quick to jump on other people when we don't really know them or their relationships? Whether you want a surprise proposal or not, to pick out your ring or not, a public/private proposal, to propose or to be proposed to... those are all very individual decisions influenced by individual relationships.

While I think people brought up a good point in asking if MaximusCruiser had consulted his girlfriend at all about what she likes, in the end, it's their relationship which I would assume he knows best. I thought what he said in his first posting was delivered in a humorous way. She obviously didn't mind not getting a say, or maybe doesn't want it. If she was an OCD type A person however, I highly doubt he would still insist on doing it this way.
I have a feeling that on Pricescope, we have a disproportionately big number of OCD type A personalities here, hahaha (it IS the primer diamond and jewelry forum!) so the idea of not being consulted/not having control flips a few switches...

There are guys who insist on surprising their girlfriends, there are women who insist on surprise proposals, and there are those who hate surprises. There are couples who want to buy the ring together and there are those who don't want to see the ring at all (I am one of them!). There are people who just want a practical engagement, there are people who want something romantic and whimsical, and there are people who just go to City Hall and don't bother about rings or clothes. That's what makes the world interesting

Hi peacechick!

I agree with you in that everyone's relationships are different and "different strokes..." We don't know the dynamic of each relationship; we only know what is posted on this board.

I, too, thought MaximusCruiser was being funny with his opening post... I think it was statements/attacks made after the fact that made some think otherwise. The question of whether or not he knew his GF's thoughts on the subject was asked... then, like in a slow-motion picture -- all HE** broke loose! <---just to clarify, this is meant to be humorous

You're right about the "control" thing, as most PS'ers are very involved in jewelry purchases. I think the issue that flipped some switches was the concern for a possible lack of consideration for the wishes/preferences of the FF regarding the one piece of jewelry she'll wear almost every day of her married life. This is assuming she wanted some say, of course - however, we don't know because MC never answered the question... the first item bolded above was what gave me concern and what I'm ASSuming sparked some of the other members as well. MC said (and I'm paraphrasing a bit) that he wouln't allow his GF to have a say whatsoever, and if she didn't like it, then... oh well, "his fault"... Well, yes, MC is right -- it would most definitely be his fault if she happened not to like it.

Sooooo.... I really think others chimed in out of concern for the lady's feelings -- not to try to "push our opinions" on anyone. I truly think the posters have nothing but the best of intentions at heart.

 

[msop04]

um...you'd DIE if you knew how my husband proposed!!!!!!!

Err... how did he propose? Die?? Ok... it is a risk I am willing to take!

My husband was married right out of college for less than a year to a crazy woman. Anyway, she had been calling him when we got together trying to win him back. He had his number changed, but she kept calling him at work. We used to laugh about it...

Fast forward 3 years or so, we bought a house, a couple of cars, I found a decent ring second hand that was a good deal. We went to look at it, and he asked if I liked it. I did, but he never said any more about it. He had always told me I'd NEVER know when he was proposing. I used to tell him I would and that there was no way he'd ever surprise me with a proposal.

About 3 weeks go by, and we walked down to the lake from our house after work for a swim. It was really hot. So we swam for a while and he was acting WEIRD. Really weird. So we sat on the edge of the dam, I said "what is up with you?" So he told me his ex wife called him and they had a really good talk and he was "confused." I was shocked. I said "confused how? Like you want to get back together with her?" And he said "I don't know." I got up and said "I'm going home, we need to figure out how to sell the house.." So I am just laughing to myself that here I think I have the PERFECT man for me, and now I'm stuck with a mortgage and 2 car payments, our lives completely intertwined and it just blew up in my face.

So he's chasing behind me yelling my name, I'm ignoring him. He finally catches up with me, grabs my arm, I turn around and he's down on one knee with the ring. He says "Just kidding. Will you marry me?"

OMG, soxfan -- talk about shock value!!! This is one for the books!!

 

[soxfan]

yes. He is a total jackass.