Lauren8211
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OK out with it MonkeyPie!
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bebe
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(grandma Linda, hilarious!!)
I''m not the most liberal or the most conservative person I know. I understand where you all are on this subject.
And I''m not judging, whatever floats your boat.
But how do you avoid the emotional attachments that naturally come with sex? Or - are you able to have sex without any emotional ties?
And is it a generational thing? (grandma Bebe, grew up in the 60''s & 70''s too, lol)
I''m not the most liberal or the most conservative person I know. I understand where you all are on this subject.
And I''m not judging, whatever floats your boat.
But how do you avoid the emotional attachments that naturally come with sex? Or - are you able to have sex without any emotional ties?
And is it a generational thing? (grandma Bebe, grew up in the 60''s & 70''s too, lol)
MonkeyPie
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I can have sex with a person without any emotional ties - I did it before I met my husband, and I could still do it now. It would probably be even easier now, actually, because I am so in love with my husband that no one else could possibly compare. We are one of those rather sickening couples, you know, that are just SO happy you gag lol.
Lauren8211
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I wish I had a good answer for that. Maybe my earlier thread about how "closed off" I am will shed some light on the subject.
I can have sex and not fall in love or get attached. I think its because they are our friends, and it's not really viewed as an intimate experience between two people. I'm in a different state of mind.
I guess I think of the friends as "marital aids" LOL. They're for fun, there's nothing emotional there. Thats the best I can explain it.
I'd never leave my FF for the "Pink Rabbit", either.
ETA: Ditto to everything MP said, also
geckodani
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But. But... I like my pink rabbit.Date: 4/7/2009 11:47:58 AM
Author: elledizzy5
I wish I had a good answer for that. Maybe my earlier thread about how ''closed off'' I am will shed some light on the subject.
I can have sex and not fall in love or get attached. I think its because they are our friends, and it''s not really viewed as an intimate experience between two people. I''m in a different state of mind.
I guess I think of the friends as ''marital aids'' LOL. They''re for fun, there''s nothing emotional there. Thats the best I can explain it.
I''d never leave my FF for the ''Pink Rabbit'', either.
ETA: Ditto to everything MP said, also
When in doubt, you can always consult google. Search "DefineDate: 4/7/2009 9:09:04 AM
Author: Dancing Fire
that''s what i thought,but i wasn''t sure.
http://www.google.com/search?q=define%3Aopen+marriage&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US
Definitions of open marriage on the Web:
* a marriage in which each partner is free to enter into extraneous sexual relationships without guilt or jealousy from the other.
* Open Relationship. A form of polyamorous relationship in which there may also be other lovers who are not partners in the given relationship.
* A marriage of two partners that is not sexually exclusive, but permits either or both partners to have other lovers outside of the primary
Bia
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Erin
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What if you sustain this lifestyle for say, five years, and then maybe something in your life changes like children, or a more stressful job, or you don''t like your appearance anymore because you fell out of good shape, or some ill to a family member - you catch my drift... And one of you decides to put it on the backburner but you don''t find your way back into it and your partner didn''t want to stop the lifestyle?
I guess what I''m saying is that it works now, but what happens when one of you calls it quits - it was fun while it lasted - but the other wants to continue?
I guess what I''m saying is that it works now, but what happens when one of you calls it quits - it was fun while it lasted - but the other wants to continue?
Lauren8211
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MonkeyPie
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:04:42 PM
Author: Bia
You know, I''ve been sleeping on that for awhile...I think it might be time to ''check it out.''Date: 4/7/2009 11:59:25 AM
Author: geckodani
But. But... I like my pink rabbit.
In time for Easter in all...
Omg, you should totally get one. I love mine - especially when it is out of my hands, ahem.
And I seriously want that pink bunny now, Dani lol.
Bia
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Lauren8211
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We already talked about that. It''s all or nothing. We do it because it makes us BOTH happy, if someone isn''t into it anymore, it stops. Doesn''t that go with any aspect of sex, though? You try new things, and if you both enjoy it, it becomes part of the repertoire? If not, you try something new?
Our relationship is satisfying just how it is, and we work to sustain that. This is a very, very small part of our relationship. We, as a couple, come first.
Lauren8211
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:05:49 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
Date: 4/7/2009 12:04:42 PM
Author: Bia
You know, I''ve been sleeping on that for awhile...I think it might be time to ''check it out.''Date: 4/7/2009 11:59:25 AM
Author: geckodani
But. But... I like my pink rabbit.
In time for Easter in all...
Omg, you should totally get one. I love mine - especially when it is out of my hands, ahem.
And I seriously want that pink bunny now, Dani lol.
Bwahahahaha! MP you crack me up.
Ohh... Pink Rabbit. Worth every ONE of those 120 bucks.
Maisie
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When we got married we promised this...
Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?"
I promised that and I meant it. It would kill me if my husband had sex with anyone else. I didn''t get married to sleep with other people.
Each to their own of course. I''m not judging.
Now that I have spoken my old fashioned opinion you young things can go back to your conversation
Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?"
I promised that and I meant it. It would kill me if my husband had sex with anyone else. I didn''t get married to sleep with other people.
Each to their own of course. I''m not judging.
Now that I have spoken my old fashioned opinion you young things can go back to your conversation
geckodani
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:09:58 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Date: 4/7/2009 12:05:49 PM
Author: MonkeyPie
Date: 4/7/2009 12:04:42 PM
Author: Bia
You know, I''ve been sleeping on that for awhile...I think it might be time to ''check it out.''Date: 4/7/2009 11:59:25 AM
Author: geckodani
But. But... I like my pink rabbit.
In time for Easter in all...
Omg, you should totally get one. I love mine - especially when it is out of my hands, ahem.
And I seriously want that pink bunny now, Dani lol.
Bwahahahaha! MP you crack me up.
Ohh... Pink Rabbit. Worth every ONE of those 120 bucks.
decodelighted
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Re: the s*x w/o attachment dealie ... okay, s*x maybe ... but are you, um, fulllllly enjoying it. In a climactic way? **wink wink, nudge nudge ** because there have been so many studies re: bonding chemicals being released involuntarily in women after that, uh, event. The girl can''t help it, yanno?
I''m not judging in the least ... but I do wonder if the "being closed off" is what makes this tolerable to you now. Are you planning to stay closed off for the rest of your life? Personally I think there''s a whole richness & texture to intimate, intimate relationships that I really appreciate now that I''m able to "go there". (Which I wasn''t always able to.) I kinda wish that for everyone. But wouldn''t force it on anyone.
I''m not judging in the least ... but I do wonder if the "being closed off" is what makes this tolerable to you now. Are you planning to stay closed off for the rest of your life? Personally I think there''s a whole richness & texture to intimate, intimate relationships that I really appreciate now that I''m able to "go there". (Which I wasn''t always able to.) I kinda wish that for everyone. But wouldn''t force it on anyone.
TravelingGal
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It is playing with fire, pure and simple. You may get burned, or you may become a really proficient flame thrower.
Lots of people play with fire. And I''m not just talking sexually either. Just basic adrenaline junkies - stuff that gives you a rush. Rock climbing, sky diving, whatever. All these things, you can get hurt, but for some people it is worth the risk and the excitement adds dimensions to their lives.
I believe that what happens between a couple is their business. No, I don''t agree with it, nor do I think in reality it is a good idea in the long term. I think for many who think multiple partners is a good idea, there is some naivete there that is masked by a sense of worldliness (for lack of a better word). I''m not saying EVERYONE who does this stuff doesn''t know what they are doing - there are some who really know what they are in for and emotionally are in the right place for it. The rest are dealing with a fantasy and as well all know, reality can sometimes fall short.
Lots of people play with fire. And I''m not just talking sexually either. Just basic adrenaline junkies - stuff that gives you a rush. Rock climbing, sky diving, whatever. All these things, you can get hurt, but for some people it is worth the risk and the excitement adds dimensions to their lives.
I believe that what happens between a couple is their business. No, I don''t agree with it, nor do I think in reality it is a good idea in the long term. I think for many who think multiple partners is a good idea, there is some naivete there that is masked by a sense of worldliness (for lack of a better word). I''m not saying EVERYONE who does this stuff doesn''t know what they are doing - there are some who really know what they are in for and emotionally are in the right place for it. The rest are dealing with a fantasy and as well all know, reality can sometimes fall short.
MonkeyPie
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:13:41 PM
Author: geckodani
Date: 4/7/2009 12:09:58 PM
Author: elledizzy5
Ohh... Pink Rabbit. Worth every ONE of those 120 bucks.
Ouch. Get the pink rabbit''s cousing for $50. Much more economical.
But it isn''t the same!
And ditto Elle - if we decide to have kids, then it is likely the whole thing will stop becoming an issue of any kind. We will focus on our family...at least until the kid is in school
Lauren8211
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I get there just fine, never really had an issue with that.
I see your point, and maybe after I do some work with "opening up" my feelings may change. I guess this works to my advantage now because I am very emotionally open with FF, so the naughty stuff with others is very disconnected for me.
I also think this may change when we have kids. Kids start piecing things together as they get older. I can imagine the kids in there 20s going "Oh... EW! That''s why mom and dad never let us near the hot tub after 10 when they had friends over!"
I guess I view our openness as something that can and will change over time. Our intimate life is fine without it, it''s just fun to include it. We could definitely go without.
TravelingGal
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Elle, you said your parents were swingers. I''m curious, did it bother you or give you any "ew" factor?Date: 4/7/2009 12:20:53 PM
Author: elledizzy5
I get there just fine, never really had an issue with that.
I see your point, and maybe after I do some work with ''opening up'' my feelings may change. I guess this works to my advantage now because I am very emotionally open with FF, so the naughty stuff with others is very disconnected for me.
I also think this may change when we have kids. Kids start piecing things together as they get older. I can imagine the kids in there 20s going ''Oh... EW! That''s why mom and dad never let us near the hot tub after 10 when they had friends over!''
I guess I view our openness as something that can and will change over time. Our intimate life is fine without it, it''s just fun to include it. We could definitely go without.
Lauren8211
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:23:36 PM
Author: TravelingGal
Elle, you said your parents were swingers. I''m curious, did it bother you or give you any ''ew'' factor?Date: 4/7/2009 12:20:53 PM
Author: elledizzy5
I get there just fine, never really had an issue with that.
I see your point, and maybe after I do some work with ''opening up'' my feelings may change. I guess this works to my advantage now because I am very emotionally open with FF, so the naughty stuff with others is very disconnected for me.
I also think this may change when we have kids. Kids start piecing things together as they get older. I can imagine the kids in there 20s going ''Oh... EW! That''s why mom and dad never let us near the hot tub after 10 when they had friends over!''
I guess I view our openness as something that can and will change over time. Our intimate life is fine without it, it''s just fun to include it. We could definitely go without.
Bother me? No. Ew? Yeah, a little.
My mom was a hippie, big time. Pot smoking, swinging, free-loving hippie. It was part of her past, and I understand it.
It''s still never pleasant to think about your parents doing anything sexual at all. Funny, but uncomfortable.
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What is this *pink rabbit* and where do I get one?!?
Tried google, but no success...
As for my opinion (as if anyone cares!) I say go for it! What ever makes everybody happy is fine with me. I''ll even hold the camera.
I do understand the emotional issues, but honestly who''s to say that your SO won''t go to the grocery store and fall in love with somebody in the frozen food aisle when they touch hands both reaching for the same pizza? Seriously, there are all sorts of things that can threaten a relationship and if the parties are going into something like this having thought it through and talked it through, who are we to judge?
Being freshly divorced (as of about 2 months ago) I have a whole new perspective on these things and I say if consenting adults all agree to what''s going on and nobody''s getting left with any permanant marks that show outside of normal clothes, why not?
Tried google, but no success...
As for my opinion (as if anyone cares!) I say go for it! What ever makes everybody happy is fine with me. I''ll even hold the camera.
I do understand the emotional issues, but honestly who''s to say that your SO won''t go to the grocery store and fall in love with somebody in the frozen food aisle when they touch hands both reaching for the same pizza? Seriously, there are all sorts of things that can threaten a relationship and if the parties are going into something like this having thought it through and talked it through, who are we to judge?
Being freshly divorced (as of about 2 months ago) I have a whole new perspective on these things and I say if consenting adults all agree to what''s going on and nobody''s getting left with any permanant marks that show outside of normal clothes, why not?
TravelingGal
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OK, apologies for the threadjack here but...
DeeJay, I am sorry to hear about your divorce! I don''t recall you mentioning it before on PS - but I will say I am surprised. Correct me if I am remembering wrong, but isn''t your husband the one who did everything around the house and "spoiled" you? I thought you were so happy in your marriage?
DeeJay, I am sorry to hear about your divorce! I don''t recall you mentioning it before on PS - but I will say I am surprised. Correct me if I am remembering wrong, but isn''t your husband the one who did everything around the house and "spoiled" you? I thought you were so happy in your marriage?
geckodani
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Lauren8211
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MonkeyPie
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Bia
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Date: 4/7/2009 12:49:04 PM
Author: geckodani
LMAO!!!
Um, and as for the pink rabbit... I'd link... but then I'd probably get banned.
Try googling Ice Ice Baby... got that one from a party...
OK, I'm hopeless... I think I just ordered a pink wine opener corkscrew thing and a CD by a rap artist off the internet.
There is an adult bookstore a few blocks from my house... maybe I'll make a field trip this afternoon!
As for the whole thing about women releasing bonding hormones aftewards, hm. That's interesting. Don't tell my two current purely booty booty calls that! (Neither one of which should be confused with the guy I'm actually *dating*!)
Lauren8211
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Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings - 04/14
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