FrekeChild
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OK out with it MonkeyPie!
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FrekeChild
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decodelighted
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platinumrock
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Honestly, I don''t see what the big deal is. We are all adults. It''s not even a generational thing. It''s just a personal preference among couples. Some couples are more open, others are not. What married people do behind closed doors is their own personal business.
I think MonkeyPie has been very brave to divulge this type of information about herself on a public forum. Lord knows she is subjecting herself to moral judgement. If she didn''t mention "open marriage", there would be no such thread to be so voyeuristic about.
Liberal, conservative, it doesn''t matter. Everybody has their own comfort zone about what they find acceptable.
I think MonkeyPie has been very brave to divulge this type of information about herself on a public forum. Lord knows she is subjecting herself to moral judgement. If she didn''t mention "open marriage", there would be no such thread to be so voyeuristic about.
Liberal, conservative, it doesn''t matter. Everybody has their own comfort zone about what they find acceptable.
FrekeChild
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OUpearlgirl
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CNOS128
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Maybe it''s because I''m the daughter of a gynecologist, but my biggest worry in this situation would be the concern that my (or my spouse''s) additional sexual partners were carrying sexually transmitted diseases, even without knowing. Especially if they were intimate with several other people aside from their marital partners. And those several other people were intimate with several people.... and so on. Risk increases, blah blah blah.
But maybe that''s my own personal germophobia? Yeah, I''m the girl who insisted her partner pass a battery of STD tests before coming near her. I''m tons of fun.
But maybe that''s my own personal germophobia? Yeah, I''m the girl who insisted her partner pass a battery of STD tests before coming near her. I''m tons of fun.
allycat0303
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One of my best girlfriends does not believe in monogamy. People around us have always found it strange that we are friends because I am very, very, conservative. I was raised Mormon and have never tasted alcohol, so I'm not really into the wild life. That being said, I think it's really important that we not impose our judgements on others. And since my friend is in an open relationship, this topic fascinates me.
My friend is really open about this, she tells everyone, because she doesn't want to waste her time with judgemental people. She explained it to me this way: There are several level of intimacy. Sometimes a long conversation in a coffee shop can be more intimate then a sexual relationship. She believes that some couples are so disconnected that they hardly even talk, therefore, it's like being with a stranger.
The very first relationship she had, they both discussed and AGREED upon an open relationship. He left for Europe for 2 months. During this time, they were supposed to explore this aspect, which SHE did. Unfortunately, he didn't (...or didn't get the opportunity thinks Ally
). When he got back he accused her of cheating. They spent 2 more years trying to work out the feeling that he had been *wronged* which I personally thought was a little strange, because HE SAID IT WAS FINE!!! Finally they broke up (total of 6 year relationship). She has been dating a new man for about 3 years, he's European (France) and the open relationship works well. They have a don't ask, don't tell policy. But considering his origins, I think he might just naturally be more open to the whole thing. She has never been happier.
So I think this can work with the rigth partner, however, I get the sense it might be more the exception then the norm (successful open relationships I mean). My sense is that different sexual lifestyles are more common then we think, but people just don't talk about it that much.
ETA: STD's would worry me too. Some like HPV aren't even stopped with protection, so if that isn't scary, I don't know WHAT is! Although granted we can get vaccinated by them, and by my age, it's so prevalent that it's probably a non-issue...
My friend is really open about this, she tells everyone, because she doesn't want to waste her time with judgemental people. She explained it to me this way: There are several level of intimacy. Sometimes a long conversation in a coffee shop can be more intimate then a sexual relationship. She believes that some couples are so disconnected that they hardly even talk, therefore, it's like being with a stranger.
The very first relationship she had, they both discussed and AGREED upon an open relationship. He left for Europe for 2 months. During this time, they were supposed to explore this aspect, which SHE did. Unfortunately, he didn't (...or didn't get the opportunity thinks Ally
So I think this can work with the rigth partner, however, I get the sense it might be more the exception then the norm (successful open relationships I mean). My sense is that different sexual lifestyles are more common then we think, but people just don't talk about it that much.
ETA: STD's would worry me too. Some like HPV aren't even stopped with protection, so if that isn't scary, I don't know WHAT is! Although granted we can get vaccinated by them, and by my age, it's so prevalent that it's probably a non-issue...
AdiS
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Lol, I did that too!Date: 4/7/2009 6:19:27 AM
Author: TheBigT
Maybe it''s because I''m the daughter of a gynecologist, but my biggest worry in this situation would be the concern that my (or my spouse''s) additional sexual partners were carrying sexually transmitted diseases, even without knowing. Especially if they were intimate with several other people aside from their marital partners. And those several other people were intimate with several people.... and so on. Risk increases, blah blah blah.
But maybe that''s my own personal germophobia? Yeah, I''m the girl who insisted her partner pass a battery of STD tests before coming near her. I''m tons of fun.
And ditto on the rest of the post as well. Hope you''re all being very careful ladies and kudos for your bravery to talk about this so openly. Anyway, I''m with Deco on this one-to each his own!
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Italiahaircolor
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I don''t consider myself a prude...but I just think, like so many other people, this life style wouldn''t be an option for me because I''d be so jealous.
I''m sure it''s not a question of love for those that enjoy this...but for me, my love/sex tank is full and I don''t feel the desire to bring in another person. I just fear the complications or the relationship backlash that come from making the "open relationship" decision. I cannot remember for the life of where I saw a segment on this lifestyle...but there were some pretty serious consequences to a couples relationship. Do any of you ever worry that your partner will fall in love with the woman and leave you? Do you worry you''d fall in love with another man? These would be my main fears....I''d be scared I''d loose my husband. Kind of along the lines of becareful what you wish for....
I''m sure it''s not a question of love for those that enjoy this...but for me, my love/sex tank is full and I don''t feel the desire to bring in another person. I just fear the complications or the relationship backlash that come from making the "open relationship" decision. I cannot remember for the life of where I saw a segment on this lifestyle...but there were some pretty serious consequences to a couples relationship. Do any of you ever worry that your partner will fall in love with the woman and leave you? Do you worry you''d fall in love with another man? These would be my main fears....I''d be scared I''d loose my husband. Kind of along the lines of becareful what you wish for....
Lauren8211
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I''m just NOT a jealous person, I think it''s sexy that my BF finds other girls attractive. Call me crazy...
I don''t worry about him falling in love. Sex does not equal love to me or to him, and having sex doesn''t make me fall in love with someone. He can have fun, but I know he adores me. Besides, we know the people that we are *with* very well as friends. So if he was going to fall in love, I think it would have happened already.
We''ve never done the open relationship where we go out alone, so I''d have to think about that one. I don''t think it''d bother me.
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Bia
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I can't believe you waited until I went to sleep to chime in Elle!
Hey, I think it is really telling of how much you trust eachother. And I'm not really surprised to be honest ladies
BUT seriously, I know a few couples that are into this. In fact, when my FI's friend met his wife (they married only a year later) she casually told us she'd be interested in having some fun with us. I thought it was a joke, but later learned from my FIs friend that it wasn't. LOL. FI doesn't like the wife, but if anything we got a few laughs over it.
The reason I wouldn't do it, and we've talked about the "what ifs" before, is that I'd be afraid that I'd wake up and regret it it. Then panic. Then my relationship would suffer and maybe even break up. I'm not really a jealous person so him liking it wouldn't bother me. Woman are beautiful so I can't blame him if he feels attracted to another woman. BUT it just isn't worth it to me to find out if I liked it or not. He says he can't handle watching me 'like it too much' with another guy. hehehe...
Hey, I think it is really telling of how much you trust eachother. And I'm not really surprised to be honest ladies
The reason I wouldn't do it, and we've talked about the "what ifs" before, is that I'd be afraid that I'd wake up and regret it it. Then panic. Then my relationship would suffer and maybe even break up. I'm not really a jealous person so him liking it wouldn't bother me. Woman are beautiful so I can't blame him if he feels attracted to another woman. BUT it just isn't worth it to me to find out if I liked it or not. He says he can't handle watching me 'like it too much' with another guy. hehehe...
LaraOnline
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MonkeyPie
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Sex does not = love. We can tell the difference, and even if it came up, I''d like to think we have open communication to discuss the problem. I think that if love every came into the picture, we would call the whole thing off and go back to being monogamous. We are already, anyway, so it wouldn''t be such a big change.
Honestly? I answered this thread because there were questions and people were curious. I did NOT answer the thread to be judged. So please, those of you that feel judgemental, take it elsewhere. I am fine answering questions for curiosity sake, but I am not ok answering questions that belittle me.
Honestly? I answered this thread because there were questions and people were curious. I did NOT answer the thread to be judged. So please, those of you that feel judgemental, take it elsewhere. I am fine answering questions for curiosity sake, but I am not ok answering questions that belittle me.
MonkeyPie
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Cind11
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This is exactly what crossed my mind...Date: 4/7/2009 6:19:27 AM
Author: TheBigT
Maybe it''s because I''m the daughter of a gynecologist, but my biggest worry in this situation would be the concern that my (or my spouse''s) additional sexual partners were carrying sexually transmitted diseases, even without knowing. Especially if they were intimate with several other people aside from their marital partners. And those several other people were intimate with several people.... and so on. Risk increases, blah blah blah.
But maybe that''s my own personal germophobia? Yeah, I''m the girl who insisted her partner pass a battery of STD tests before coming near her. I''m tons of fun.
Italiahaircolor
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I know sex doesn''t equal love, but when you''re intimate with someone things can go places you never exactly planned on. And I''m not trying to sound judgmental when I say this, but...you are all tying this up in a pretty package, like Monkeypie when you said "I think if love ever came into the picture, we would call the whole thing off and go back to being monogamous"... I guess I don''t understand how you can be sure that would be an option. I suppose in theory that works, like when you''re making a game plan...but in actuality, you''re in love with another person and that isn''t so cut and dry, it changes everything.
I think every couple is absolutely intitled to do whatever it is that keeps their marriage fresh, interesting, and maintains their happiness. If swinging, or swapping, or whatever works makes you happy...good for you, more power to you...for me though I''d fear the fall out far to much to even enjoy it.
I think every couple is absolutely intitled to do whatever it is that keeps their marriage fresh, interesting, and maintains their happiness. If swinging, or swapping, or whatever works makes you happy...good for you, more power to you...for me though I''d fear the fall out far to much to even enjoy it.
CNOS128
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Well, I certainly wasn''t calling you slow, and don''t think anything I said was suggesting that you weren''t careful. I was just saying that this is what would worry me.
There''s always a risk, and there''s always a greater risk with more partners -- whether you''re swinging, or having a threesome, or you''re a single gal who goes out and meets a new guy in a bar every weekend, or you''ve had 5 long-term sexual relationships.
Typically, doctors don''t test for things like herpes unless specifically requested (and I''m not even sure if there is an accurate HPV test -- plus the vaccine only works for certain strains, I believe?), and condoms don''t prevent the transmission of every disease.
I know plenty of smart, not slow people, who have still contracted STDs. Even gynecologists!
MonkeyPie
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The fear is why you don''t do it. And the fear is not even an ISSUE for me. Because I have complete and utter trust - I have no reason not to. My husband stays home with me the vast majority of the time, and when he DOES go out with his friends, he likes to call me and tell me he loves me, as much as once an hour. He asks before he spends money. He wants my opinion on EVERYTHING and never does anything without asking me first. This isn''t to say he isn''t independent - quite the opposite - but he never does anything that might even possible hurt my feelings. Because he gives a sh*t.
And that is why we can do it, and most people can''t.
MonkeyPie
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I wasn''t saying you called me slow - just that I never put myself in that situation. Before I met my husband and I was going through my wild phase, I contracted a curable STD. And that opened my eyes real darn quick. So there is never a possibility of disease for me - I never allow myself to get that distracted.
princesss
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I''ll be the first to admit I''m not cut out for an open relationship, but I think it takes a lot of self-awareness to realize that your relationship *can* make room for other partners, and a lot of communication to make sure both spouses are feeling comfortable and fulfilled. I''m glad your relationship works well for you, MP. I''m always interested in seeing how other couples make things work long-term, and keep the excitement and interest up.
BeachRunner
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Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings
Past, Present, Future: The Meaning of Three-Stone Engagement Rings - 04/14
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