murry is dying

[Punks-Tricks]

Hi VL

I am a lurker on PS but hope to hang around here more but as I'm from the UK there is a time difference. I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss, Murry has left a huge hole in your life and I was touched by your story and the lovely photo's you have posted. Please take comfort from the fact that you gave him the best life ever and you enjoyed so many fantastic times together. The pain of losing him will ease but never go away (I lost my gorgeous Westie 7 years ago and still cry over him) and in time the happy times and experiences will outweigh the sadness of losing him. I'm sure he will be by your side everyday and watching over you and wouldn't want you to be sad. Thinking of you at this sad time in your life.

M x

 

[AGBF]

I really love every picture of Murry and his baby...which I believe is called his "doll". Like you, VL, I kept only one of my heart dog's-Biscuit's- toys. I so well remember the clean up about which you just posted. And the decision to keep one, yellow, plastic toy which most reminded me of Biscuit. I put it in the night table beside my bed so that I could keep it close.

Although seeing a DVD of Biscuit still makes me choke up, I am no longer even living in the same house with that toy. It is a sign that we can, in time, move through the intense grief. Biscuit's toy remains in my night table in Virginia, but I was able to move into a house in Connecticut and leave it there, knowing it was safe and I was OK without that talisman.

Deb

 

[minousbijoux]

Minous, I wish I could really give you an sense of h is personality. For the most part he hated dogs; at least all dogs that were bigger than him, and some that were smaller and annoying. He especially did not like Bernese Mountain Dogs. Oddly he was friendly with pugs, but never formed a close alliance with one. He did have a closeness with the Jack Russel in the photos. She passed 6 years ago.She wasn't mine, but a good friend's. They played for years and sometimes managed to sit both on my lap at once. Murry was a very good judge of people, though a bit harsh to those who did not make the cut. After only a few instances of me saying "uh-oh" when a big dog was approaching he made that his cue to start barking his head of whenever I said it. I confess there were times I took advantage of that. He really loved his doll; he eagerly brought it to any visitor whom he liked. For the first few years he would play fetch with it, thrash it in his mouth, toss it up in the air. Later it became his personal chin rest and had to go with him everywhere. He would fall asleep holding it in his mouth. It went through the washing machine many times a year. He didn't snore. He had a peaceful rumble very like a cat's purr. It was remarkable and nearly everyone who experienced it remarked on it. He loved watermelon, arugula, radishes, blueberries, oranges, clementines, the usual veal chop or bacon, muffins, popovers...the usual things. He did not like sushi.He was very gentle about taking pieces offered.


Wherever he was he faced me like a compass needle and I north.He never let me out of his sight. He loved coffee. A goof friend worked at a coffeeshop two blocks away and for the last 7 years has owned on three blocks away. The first one there were lots of open bags of beans, so there was a lot of spillage. At ten weeks he was eating coffee beans like they were treats. Obviously I put a stop to that but then he would only settle if he would lick all the foam out of my cup after I finished my latte. Later when I cut down on coffee to one a day, he discovered he preferred Chai foam anyway. His face could only get in so far, but his tongue eventually stretched to reach the bottom. In Summer he would take a cup of ice and lick away at it. He would not drink water from a cup unless he had to. He certainly never used a communal water dish on the ground. I would sit with an ankle over a knee and he would plomp himself into my lap, chin on knee and take a nap. He loved to hang out in the neighborhood with his peeps for hours. Everyone knew him. He knew all the stores where he had ever gotten treats that he liked and refused to walk past them.When the seasons turned colder he would make a point of lying down on my coat or sweater so I wouldn't be able to go without him.

Thank you, VL. Now I feel like I do know him. Amazing to me that he liked coffee beans. Sounds like the neighborhood was his own little heaven. I love the fact that he purred instead of snoring. What a good boy. You and he were both lucky to have each other.

 

[minousbijoux]

And yes, while it is cliche, with time the tough stuff is relegated to its smaller memory place.

When Ursa died, I didn't leave the house for a week; I felt way too vulnerable to walk around knowing that at any moment I might break down. Good friends (and pug owners themselves) came over unexpectedly to celebrate Ursa's life with champagne and cake a day or two after she passed, and all I could do was to shake my head no because I was too bereft to even talk. They told me they saved her cake in the freezer for a year but were never sure they should bring it up with me after that.

We all understand, VL, we really do. Hugs.

 

[Dandi]

I'm so, so heartbroken for you VL, what a lucky little dude Murry was to have had an amazing life with such a loving family. I've been reading this thread in tears the whole way through, but couldn't help laughing at the coffee stories, I can honestly say I've never known a dog that loves coffee! What a card! I'm feeling terribly sympathetic towards you and your SO, I know the raw, empty pain that is the loss of a pet. Nothing seems to help me get through the day in those early weeks of loss, than talking about our beloved pets. They always know how to make us laugh, even when they're not here. They don't put on an act or try and impress anyone, they're just themselves.

Biggest, hugest hugs xxx

 

[VapidLapid]

I've been cleaning all day and night again. I found a CD from 2003 with lots of nice photos.This one is the position that he used to go to sleep in on me every night and some afternoons if I stretched out for a moment. This is the position, in the crook of my arm with his chin on my shoulder, that I mentioned as the one he did that night to give me his ascent, a position he had not rested on me in at least two years.

 

[Gothgrrl]

Sending lots of healing dust.

 

[sarahb]

Reading through this love story between you two brought me to tears last night, so sorry for your loss. He had your love & devotion, & in return you had his. Hang in there.

 

[junebug17]

Such sweet pics, what a precious pug - I know you're having some really tough days right now VL, sending healing and comforting thoughts to you…the pain will subside as time passes - you will always miss and mourn him, but it will get a bit easier with time. Hang in there. My heart goes out to you.

 

[MJ_Mac]

I like to think we're all kindred spirits as we all understand the unbreakable bond we share with our pets. VL - it will get easier I promise you that. You'll miss Murry just as much but the pain does lessen.

I had to laugh when you mentioned that Murry liked coffee/lattes. Maybe your Murry and my Lucy are at the Rainbow Bridge enjoying a latte together. Lucy lived for our afternoon latte breaks. I'd put a bit of milk foam on top of a doggie biscuit. The minute I fired up the machine she was turning circles in anticipation. Needless to say I didn't dare leave my latte unattended.

In times of extreme sadness just remember how blessed you were to have such a wonderful little friend as Murry. Those "heart" pets truly are a once in a lifetime gift. I'm sure at some point you'll have other little four legged friends come into your life again. Will they take his place - no they won't. Will you love them as much as you did Murry - probably not but you'll still love them and appreciate them for their own special qualities. And please remember what my good friend told me, there is no time limit on grief.

 

[hay joe]

I'm sorry you lost such a good friend. We were told yesterday one of our friends will be leaving us too soon. I'll tell him to look for Murry and to let him know how much he is greatly loved and missed.

 

[VapidLapid]

hay joe, thank you for stopping in, I am very sorry to hear that you've been given bad news about one of yours. I remember two years ago when the vet told me Murry had CHF I cried right there in the office. Now, despite having had two years more with him thanks to great medical care, I have cried every day for two weeks, and he has only been gone for one week. Today I did not cry, but the day is not over. I have found it useful to remind myself that Murry had a charmed life, and that he lived a full and long life. And he gave that back to me. Try to keep the quality of life your pet had with you in mind to balance some of the sadness.

 

[lulu]

I know you know it gets better. After we lost Louie a year ago we went 6 miserable months without a dog. Then we adopted 4 year old Bear and I have to tell you he's so sweet and thankful we rescued him. It will get better little by little. Hang in there-I'm thinking of you.

 

[Ara Ann]

I am so sorry...I just lost my beloved chihuahua Max on Monday morning to CHF as well...I am a total mess...he was my shadow and constant love and companion...I miss him with every step I take and every breath. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I don't want to leave the house. Max used to come with us to the inlaws for holidays and I know everyone is going to be sad too and asking about him...I'm not sure if I can face that. I have had other pets before, but none came close to what Max has been to our family...he was one in a million, humanlike pooch. Heartbroken. Sending hugs to all who are missing their furbabies.

 

[NOYFB]

My thoughts are still with you VL. Monday will mark the 2 year anniversary of losing EQ. I can't believe it's been 2 years already. I miss her so much.

 

[VapidLapid]

Ara Ann, I am so very sorry to hear the news about Max. All of the caring, concern and compassion that I have had from this thread is there for you too. I do hope you were able to approach your thanksgiving with a celebration of, and thanks for Max, as well as a grieving with others who loved him, and you. There will always be a hollowness, but the wonderful time you shared with Max will take precedence in your memories.

 

[Ara Ann]

Thank you VL for your reply...I am doing a little better, but I did end up staying home from the thanksgiving dinners...my eyes were so puffy and swollen, I just felt physically exhausted too and just didn't feel like socializing yet. I had a good day on my own actually and everyone was understanding too.

I think our poochies were similar personalities, Max loved people, every new person he met was his new best friend, but not other dogs, he wanted to be the boss and sure didn't like it when he saw other dogs walking outside. He was larger than life, SO smart, he would talk to me all the time and sing on command...he was so much fun and so funny...and so loving too. If anyone was upset or not feeling well, he was right there to cuddle. He was just all love and fur and funny-ness. I miss him so much.

I hope you are doing better too...it's just like a punch to the gut...an empty but painful feeling to know they are gone. Hugs to you and I hope your memories of your Murry are kept close in your heart and bring you comfort too.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

How are you, VL?

kind regards--Sharon

 

[VapidLapid]

Thank you for thinking of me, Sharon. It continues to be a hard thing to live through. I picked up his ashes the other day, then walked a mile and a half home in a cold light rain. That was probably stupid as I've had a nasty cough and rumbly lungs (only at night) since the day before the event two weeks ago. I guess I'm depressed, find no joy in anything. Im anxious, and nervous; even find myself shaking sometimes. The holiday was awful, and I blew up at SO over a single incident that represented the culmination of years of passive aggressive caretaker abuse and manipulation. I packed a bag and went to my sister's in Brooklyn for the night, came back the next day and she apologized profusely. Four days later and nothing has changed. So, I'm not holding up well. I expect I will get a handle on things soon, by losing myself in work, which is at least productive. SO has a bone scan and a PET scan coming up next week and then another round of surgery for ONJ. It is a lot of stress, but I did get all the health coverage for 2015 set up before the deadlines.

 

[canuk-gal]

Oh VL, you sound physically and emotionally exhausted. You take so little time for yourself, that your present health suffers.

Thank you for sharing how you feel and providing a glimpse into your life. I understand completely when you say grief is neither easy to bare nor easy to navigate. Certainly your plate is full.

Please know if there was anything I could do, I would. For now, I suppose virtual chicken soup and a hug will have to suffice. And the encouragement to keep in touch here, and talk about how you managing.

Healing vibes across the miles.

kind regards--Sharon

 

[OreoRosies86]

I'm sorry, VL.

It is the inevitable pain of having a fur family member. They are only on loan to us for a little while and then they have to go. It is just our job to make their time here as happy as it possibly can be, and in return we get an ocean of the most unselfish and pure love that exists. There is so much love in these stories and pictures.

 

[missy]

Vapid Lapid, I am so sorry. Grief is draining and completely exhausting leaving room for little else. My heart goes out to you and I also want to extend the offer that if there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to ask. I live in Brooklyn and perhaps I am not far from your where your sister lives. Know I am here for you if there is anything I can do. I hope your SO's PET scan and bone scan and surgery goes well. (((Hugs))) to you.

 

[iLander]

Sending you a big hug, VL . . .

 

[movie zombie]

VL, for me it was important to develop ritual to help me deal with the death of one of my beloved kitties.
burning a candle is one of those rituals.
in fact, I have a candle burning pretty much 24/7 and have for years in front of their urns.
I found that white sage in the house is also healing...smudge with it.

reading your last post it seems to me that you've had a lot of emotional stress in your life and it has all culminated.
please take care of yourself!
make sure each and every day there is a moment, if not a complete hour, dedicated to YOU!
allow yourself to feel Murry's loss and to fully mourn that loss.
don't stuff it! that is the worst thing you can do......being stoic has its place but not now.

have you considered seeing a grief counselor?
there are also pet grief groups online.........

again, please take care of yourself.

 

[chrono]

Very sorry to read of more troubles. You also need to take the time to de-stress, not just more time at work. I don't know what works for you but it sounds like you need some "me" downtime, be it letting some steam off at the gym, or some quiet time with a good book and cup of hot tea.

 

[JewelFreak]

Aw, crap, VL. Wish I had a magic way to fix you up. I know how you feel, sort of trapped with hard stuff every direction you face. That is when I find yoga -- keeping the mind blank while doing it -- most helpful. Just having No thoughts, or as close as I can get, is a gift even for 20 minutes. Maybe you can finish whittling the little wood Murry & rest your brain while you work? I'm thinking of you & sending you thoughts of support & wishes for good -- so does DH. For you and your SO. Much affection!

--- Laurie

 

[hay joe]

I hope you and SO are ok and getting better.

 

[peachster]

VL, my heart is with you, and I understand how devastating it is to lose a beloved animal. I woke up on October 23 to find my golden retriever had died quietly in her sleep next to me. She was my best friend, always happy and loving. She was entirely healthy and active, and her last day and night she was her usual frisky self. We were planning her huge teen birthday party, as she was going to turn 13 in 3 weeks. And she just died, and my heart died with her, the grief is enormous so I can grasp how you felt about your little Murry with his big personality. I don't have words to make you feel better other than those I keep repeating, that your pup knew how much love there was for him. My dog did, and up to the moment that evening when she went to sleep, she was feeling that love. Thank you for sharing the many pictures of Murry.

 

[azstonie]

VL, and ara ann, all who have lost their pets, sending warmth and peace from Arizona today.

 

[VapidLapid]

Thank you all for so much support. Peachster I am so sorry to hear about your golden retriever. It sounds like she had a great life and a wonderful companion in you. I find it actually sweet that she passed in her sleep without a suffering illness. I hope you can take some solace in that thought.

I am doin a little better. I try to catch myself whenever I am sad and thinking about those last 20 minutes (just typing that though makes me start crying again) I redirect my thoughts to wonderful happy times and focus on that.