MOMS - Why did you decide to stay at home or continue working?

[Clio]

Haven, I had my first two while I was in graduate school, so I wasn't in a job, but getting a Ph.D. is pretty much full time. By the time I had my 3rd, I had a full time job, and I've worked ever since, and I'm quite happy with the choice we made for our family. My kids are now 11, 9, and 5, and they're thriving.

There are many reasons I chose to continue school/work. First, I flat-out adore what I do. The intellectual stimulation I got from my studies and continue to get from my work are vital to me. And, frankly, we live in a very high-cost area, so my income (which is roughly the same as my husband's) allows us to live in an excellent school district within reasonable commuting distance for both me and my husband.

My mother didn't work until I was 7, but I didn't feel any imperative to recreate that for my family. The switch from coming home to mom in 1st grade vs. going up the street to my baby sitter's house in 2nd really made no difference to me (although I do think it affected my sister more). My husband came from a culture where women tend to work, and the women in his family are very entrepreneurial, and we both planned that I would continue to work after having kids.

I was very unhappy in my first job out of graduate school, and we did talk about having me take some time off, but the better solution for me was to find a different job.

In then end, though it is a choice that only you and your husband can make. What is right for one person/family could be very, very wrong for another.

I would only caution you to plan carefully. I'm sure you know all of this, but good insurance is a must. Make sure to put plenty of money away for retirement as well, because you will be losing years of SS/401K contributions.

MC's point about trying to re-enter the workforce is a good one, though I imagine that it would be easier as a teacher than in many other careers.

ETA: I know no one meant it in a pejorative way, but comments about staying home because one wants to raise ones own children or not wanting to have children raised by others are not exactly helpful. Both my husband and I are raising our children, even when we both work full time and use childcare.

 

[butterfly 17]

I am actually in the midst of making this decision right now. I live in NY and the cost of living is so high, but so is childcare. Also, I have trust issues and could not find someone acceptable to take care of my kids.

I know I have to return to work though, not just for financial reasons as having a home here is expensive and I am not married to a millionaire, but also for my sanity. I just can''t stay home 24-7.

Great for all those moms that stay at home and can deal, but me? Nope, I need a break from my kids. Seriously, I love them, but I also need some adult interaction as well.

Plus, I love my job and I find it truly rewarding. It also helps that I only work three days a week, but before I worked nights and never needed a sitter. Now I work days and I have to find a sitter. Which again is quite expensive for three kids.

So we are compromising, my husband will be working nights and I will work the weekends days.

We still get time together during the day and I only need a sitter on Sundays. As far as my trust issues, it won''t be so bad as my husband will be home (asleep though) when the sitter is in our home, so one of us will almost always be around the house.

When I leave for work at 6 am, the sitter will come over and my husband will be home around 8 am and the he will go up to our bedroom and sleep.

My job is pretty flexible as I can take off on Saturdays or Sundays (use a holiday or vacation day) whenever I want, so if I do need to go out (party or wedding), I can just request the day off.

I am due to return back to work in Dec., so I hope this plan works.

 

[NovemberBride]

Haven,

This is such a timely post because it is something I have been struggling with since we started to TTC. In our case, there is not really much of a choice. I have a ton of loans from law school and DH has loans from his MBA that would make it very hard for us to survive on one income. We also both make a good living, but at this point my salary is more than double DHs, so it would be difficult if not impossible for us to have me be a SAHM. Both DH and I had SAHMs and all other things being equal (i.e. money is no object) I would love to be a SAHM. However, I know that my working will be able to provide a lot of opportunities for my child that we wouldn''t be able to provide if I were a SAHM (education, travel, activities, etc). So in my mind there are a lot of trade offs. I think there are benefits to having a parent at home with a child all day, but I also think there are a lot of benefits to be gained by providing a child with the best education available, opportunities to travel the world and experience different cultures, and to participate in activities such as sports, music, dance, etc. It would be great to be able to have a SAHM and provide all these opportunities as well, but it is very difficult to do so in this day and age unless there is family money or one person is exceedingly well paid. In my opinion there is no right or wrong answer, each family just has to weigh the benefits of the options in light of their values and make the decision that is right for them.

 

[butterfly 17]

Date: 11/18/2008 11:18:06 PM
Author: Haven

Here''s the other thing, ladies--would you stay at home if your family didn''t need your income? DH and I have tried very hard to live far enough within our means to easily live on his income alone. Now, I know that kids are going to cost a lot of money, and it will probably never feel like we have enough, but we don''t use a penny of what I earn for living expenses. Would that change your plans, if you were in our situation?

Perhaps I should stop worrying so much about the future and get back to grading those argumentative essays . . .

I can honestly say I wouldn''t. I would still work, perhaps I would work part time though.

I truly love my job and I am really good at it ( I even got an award last year for Best Nurse 2007 for our Children''s Hospital). I find it so rewarding on so many levels.

My husband will be retiring in another year and a half and when he does, I may just work part time then.

Actually, I thought about returning part time this Dec. but childcare was going to cost me around $100 to $150 a day, so I figured if I did return to work, it would have to be full time in order for me to pay a sitter. I only found out yesterday that my husband would be working nights, so now that we only need a sitter on Sundays, it will be easy. His brother will come over to help us out.

 

[Burk]

I teach 8th grade publications (yearbook and newspaper adviser) and also 6th grade keyboarding. I agree with all the other advice that you''ll have to wait and see. Also, I think that if you aren''t happy at the school you''re at-start to look elsewhere. Being a teacher is hard enough and if you don''t really like what you''re teaching that just makes it worse. Oh, and you asked about having enough money without your salary: we do. My paycheck pays no bills. It''s for fun stuff (like my bad shopping habit

) and house projects, ect.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Haven - thanks so much for your kind words.

Regarding income: If money wasn't an issue, I'd still want to get a PT job. No more than 10 hours, but I need something to keep me focused and also for me not to feel guilty that DH works long hours and I have the luxury of being at home (and playing on PS). I love volunteering at the school and would for sure still do that if there were not any financial issues or if I got a PT job. The difference between needing a job for income vs. not needing would be the type of job I would get. It'd be great having a "fun" pt job.

Swedish Bean - I'm so sorry for what you want through.

I'd like to add in saying during the summer my kids took swimming lessons and after class we'd play at a park where the YMCA did summer child care for kids and I'd hear the teachers YELLING at the children! Verbally abusive.

Other teachers would ignore the kids and *text message* instead. It was appauling. What is even more upsetting is that is the same organization who watches kids at my sons' school for the on-site after school care. That is the place that would charge me $10/hour!

 

[NewEnglandLady]

I never realized what a difficult decision this was, but D and I are also in the thicke of trying to plan for children and how we want to go about raising them.

I know that I can't be a permanent SAHM. I might be able to take a short break from my career, but even then I think that having a strong network of friends with children and a busy schedule is a necessity for me (maybe a start a dog-walking business?)

Ideally, D would be the one to stay at home with the kids. He's a wonderful stay-at-home doggy daddy and with the new pup coming soon, his role will be even bigger. The problem is that 1.) D's earning potential is infinitely higher than mine, thus it makes financial sense for me to stay at home (though we can live on my salary) and 2.) Dan misses work. Yes, he was burnt out and needed a break, but he's itching to go back and it's only been 4 months, plus he's in school full time...4 years would kill him (and me).

So it seems that the best option for us is the work-from-home option. I think either of us would be okay taking a year or so off, but neither of us can commit to spending multiple years at home with no career at all. We knew that neither of us was the stay-at-home type before getting married, now we are just trying ot apply it pragmatically. The truth is, though, that we're well aware we may completely change our minds once we stop planning for parenthood and are ACTUAL parents.

 

[vespergirl]

Hi Haven, I am a SAHM (my son is 2) and we are currently trying to have a second baby.

Even though I made a good salary and had a professional career, I knew that I would "off-ramp" until my youngest was in kidergarten, at least. I have been home for 2 years now, and I am so grateful that I do not have to work outside the home and try to raise a child at the same time. I think that the hardest part, as some others mentioned, is getting out and talking to other adults, but I found a SAHM playgroup in my town, and over the past couple of years, have made some great friends with kids the same age as my son.

At first it was sort of hard to give up my salary (no more maid, far fewer dinners out or date nights, much less shopping, no vacations) but I would much rather be able to care for my son in a way that''s most advantageous to him during these crucial early-development years. I studied child psych (a few classes) in college, and I remember being told that until at least age 3, the very best care for small children was one-on-one child care, whether that means a stay-at-home parent or a nanny. Children who go to day care from a very young age have much higher risk of problems with aggressiveness, being uncooperative, and display more symptoms of ADHD behaviors. I learned that children develop most securely until age 3 in a home environment, and do not receive any benefit from an institutional preschool environment, neither socialization nor academic, until after they are 3 years old.

I have several friends (other SAHMs!) that have put their 1.5 - 2 year old children in day care 2 or 3 days a week so that they can "have a break from their kids." These two boys started in Sept., and whenever their moms drop them off the STILL scream and cry every single day, and are now having behavior problems in school (hitting & biting other children) that they are bringing to our playgroup. We learned it child psych that those types of behaviors are typical of children who are put into preschool settings too early.

My son will be 2 years 10 months next Sept., and even though all of our friends are encouraging me to put him in 2-day preschool "so that I can have a break" I am not sure that I think he will be ready at that age. DH and I both had SAHMs and didn''t start school until we were 4, yet both of us were already reading when we finally did start preschool because our moms taught us how. We also socialized beautifully with the other children when we started school, so I think that people who say that kids are at a disadvantage if they don''t start "school" as soon as they can walk don''t know what they''re talking about.

Another thing that I think would be very difficult would be having to leave a baby in day care every day. I don''t think that I would be able to put the full focus on my career that I did before, because I would be preoccupied with my child. Also, I think that with the way that so many kids are shuttled around today, and overscheduled, they are so sleep deprived, which leads to behavior problems. My son sleep 12 hours a night - if I were working I would see him maybe only one or two hours a day, or he wouldn''t be able to get all the sleep he needs. I also think that so many kids have behavior issues because the parents who never see them during the week are very lax on discipline because they don''t want to spend the only hour a day they have with their child in time-out, so they give in and now we have a whole generation of kids who are spoiled, mannerless and disrespectful of authority figures (I know women who have taught for 30 years who can''t stand the way kids behave these days).

Anyway, as you can see, I guess I have pretty strong views on the subject. I think that if it is a financial necessity in your family that both parents must work, than that''s what needs to happen. But I think that if the secondary earner (mom or dad) just wants to go back to work to pay for a second Mercedes or a tropical vacation, it shows that the priorities are not in the right order, and ultimately children suffer from lack of attention from their parents.

Anyway, if you live in the northern VA area and you decide to stay home, you can join our playgroup!

 

[puffy]

both DH and i decided that i would be a SAHM just because he knew that i could not leave our son and go to work. and i was actually not working for the entire time i was preggo either. i stopped working right before we got married and have not worked since. DH makes enough for us to get by and have all the things that we need and want. i would not give this up for anything. i love spending every moment with our son and watching him grow. there are days that i just need a break, but whether it''s the first smile, hug, kiss, the first time he said mama and knew that was me, or just running to me wanting my attention, it is all worth it!!
i enjoy being a SAHM and all the other SAHM i know would not give it up for the world.
in the end, it''s a decision that you will have to make based on what is best for you and your family.

 

[Haven]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I''ve really enjoyed reading everyone''s diverse experiences and ideas about this.

I''m going to come back later to respond to everyone individually (on a short lunch break right now), but Vesper--I just wanted to say that I love your passion. Thank you for sharing. I like what you said about values and what you plan to use with the second income if it isn''t necessary. That''s basically the thing that DH and I are discussing at the moment, because we don''t use any of my salary to pay for anything at all, it''s all just extra income. So, my income would essentially be an extra padding of financial security or a means to buy luxury items we don''t really need.

Thanks again for sharing. Of course I know that I won''t really know what works best for us until we are in the situation, but our plans do impact some decisions I plan to make within the next year, so I''d like to at least come to a decision about what I think I''ll want to do.

 

[DivaDiamond007]

Haven - I have a 4.5 month old and will be returning to work in January when he is 6 months old. I chose to take an extended maternity leave, but that decision came with some serious sacrifices. DH and I moved in with his parents, which in turn meant that we had to give up some of our privacy and also find temporary homes for our 4 pets. All of this on top of caring for a newborn has not been easy (and why I haven''t been on PS too much lately). The upside is that we basically have no living expenses. We have to pay my car payment, our student loans, phone service and I have a small balance on a cc and that''s it. The rest of our money is saved.

When I return to work it will be on a part-time basis only. My MIL is able to care for our son on her days off and then we hired a part-time sitter for the days that MIL is working.

I love being at home with my son but sometimes I need a break - just an hour to myself. Also, since I''m used to working full-time, I miss having adult conversations and my coworkers. It''s also nice having some extra money.

If DH and I could afford to live off of one salary then he''d be a SAHD and I''d work full-time. Unfortunately that''s not in the cards for us so we''re doing the best that we can for our son. All of the money that I make from working will go into savings for a downpayment on our own house. Our goal is to have a 50% downpayment so I can continue working part-time in the future.

diva

 

[gailrmv]

I am really enjoying this discussion too. Most of the responses I've read sound like people stopped working because they were able to afford it and felt it best for their child and family. Other people continued working because it was necessary to afford the quality of life they wanted. It seems like only a few people mentioned really liking her job prior to having kids and returning to it, even though she did not need the $. Also, what about people who felt a sense of professional responsibility to return (for example, it would be hard to replace you, or not wanting to let down your managers and peers). I'd be interested to hear about these perspectives!

 

[NovemberBride]

Verspergirl, I just wanted to respectfully disagree with the statement that just because someone chooses to work for extra income (beyond what is truly needed) means that their priorities are not in the right order and that their children suffer from lack of attention from their parents.. IMHO, they may just have different priorities. I grew up in a family where luckily we did not have to worry about money. I went to the best private schools in the area and was able to choose any college I wanted without regards to money. In addition, while I did choose to have jobs on summer breaks, I never had to worry about working during school for money for food or books. I was able to concentrate fully on my education. That is a gift that I would love to give my children (and I know how rare my experience was and that it was truly a gift). My DH was raised by a single mother and had loans and had to work all during school and I know he was under a lot of additional stress that I did not have to deal with (i.e. could he afford all of his books and still eat). While it is certainly not necessary for me to work so that I can pay 100% for my children''s educations, I don''t think that my choice to do so means my priorities are messed up.

Aside from education, there are many other extras that my income will provide to my children that I think have value. For example, I traveled all over the world as a child (some of them on tropical vacations!) and saw how people in many cultures live. Again, while certainly not a necessity, I think it has made me a more well-rounded and open-minded person. It also gave me memories of time spent with my family that I will never forget.

While in some people''s (perfectly valid) opinions things like private schools and vacations may be outweighed by the value of having a parent at home, I think that is a very personal decision and there is no right answer.

 

[Clio]

At the time that I had my first two children, I could easily have stopped (from a financial standpoint). I was in graduate school, and my fellowships/assistantships did not even cover the entire cost of childcare. I never even considered it, though, and I'm glad I didn't.

ETA: It was essential, also, that my husband was fully behind my decision to stay in school and then to work after I finished my Ph.D. Whatever the decision, to work or to stay home, both partners need to be on the same page. I have seen marriages falter (and in a couple of cases, fail) because of resentments that arose because spouses did not share the same belief in the course of action.

Even if my husband's salary were to double tomorrow, I doubt that I would quit working. I might go half-time, but maybe not even that. My work is important to me, I enjoy it, and I'm good at it. Is my career more important to me than my children? No, but doing both does not have to mean that I'm doing either badly.

 

[Burk]

vespergirl~While I completely applaud you for your passion to be the best SAHM you can be, I feel like your viewpoints are pretty one-sided. Not all children in daycare are aggressive and (having studied child psych myself) one cannot get ADHD symptoms from being in daycare. Also, my daughter sleeps 12-13 hours a night and I will absolutely NOT be lax with discipline just because I work. Maybe some parents do this, but I don''t know any. I also know plenty of kids who are spoiled and mannerless and their moms stay at home. I am also a teacher and we have a lot of behavior problems, I cannot disagree, but children with SAHM have behavior problems just as often as children with parents that work.

I''m not trying to attack your post or your view points of the importance of you staying home with your child(ren) but I don''t want your post to scare women who choose to work or have to work.

 

[Haven]

I applaud all parents--those who stay home, those who work gruelling schedules, and everyone in between.

I can only imagine how difficult it is to raise healthy, well-adjusted, well-mannered children while still keeping your own sanity and a clean home. It is so encouraging to read about moms who found fulfillment in the home, and those who found fulfillment in a balance between work and home.

I realize that this topic can get a bit sensitive because we are talking about the choices we make when raising children, but I think there is a lot of value to be had in recognizing the different choices people have made, and discussing how those choices worked in different situations.

Thank you all so much for sharing your experiences. The more I read from you, the more excited I am to become a mom one day, regardless of whether I stay home or not.

 

[trillionaire]

I just wanted to mention that I started a thread on "Mama Obama" in the Around the World forum where we are discussing a similar topic... Michelle Obama's transition from "Power mom" to "First Mom"

I thought that you all might want to weigh in. I really hope that you will! See you there!

Trillionaire

 

[Haven]

Thanks, Trillionaire!

 

[vespergirl]

Hey guys, I realized that my post may have come off as harsh to some people and that totally wasn''t my intention, so I just wanted to apologize in case I offended anyone. I just wanted to share my experience and some other anecdotes from people that I know, but I don''t in any way think that everything is absolute for any part of the population. I do know several devoted moms who work full time with lovely, well-adjusted children, and I know some stay-at-home moms who ignore their kids and they have total nightmare behavior problems. I guess that some of my experience with friends who work is that every time their kids are late for milestones, having behavior problems at daycare, etc., they are the first to blame themselves, but I can tell you that they are wonderful parents. I can tell you that from my SAHM perspective, there are the same issues, where maybe sometimes I wonder if my son wants to spend even more time around other kids or in a different environment, etc. I think that the important thing is to make a choice that you are comfortable with and that is a good fit for your family. I guess that in sharing my personal experience & biased opinion, I probably came on a little too strong.

NovemberBride, you make an excellent point. Like you, I had a rather privileged childhood, my parents paid for my college education to any private college I wanted to attend, and we travelled the world. The fact that my family was able to pull that off on my father''s salary alone is definitely not most people''s situation, and is even more unlikely to happen today. Trust me, I don''t think that providing well for your children equals a lack of values, and I didn''t mean for it to come off that way. In fact, when my children are school-aged, I plan to go back to work full-time and have an after-school nanny for a few hours. My views are more pertaining to babies and toddlers, but even then, I think that being good providers are one of the best things that parents can do for children. I have seen some situations when I was still working (at my law firms) where there were parents (male and female) that had day & night nannies because they left for work before the kids were up & got home after bedtime, the parents worked all day Saturday, and literally only saw their kids for a few hours on Sunday, almost every week. I guess that kind of extreme case that I was thinking of is more of what I saw in my former professional environment, but I know that that''s not the usual situation for most families.

Burk, you also make an excellent point - I was totally generalizing, and sometimes I need to get off my soapbox with this stuff. You sound like an excellent parent, and I know that most working moms do a great job - I think it''s more about what feels right for each individual family. Like the old saying goes, "if mamma ain''t happy, ain''t nobody happy." So, if a mom staying home is bored to tears and resentful of staying home with the kids, that''s definitely not a good situation. Whereas if a mom that''s working is happy and engaged with her kids when she gets home, that''s definitely preferable. I also definitely defer to your teaching experience - I know that you see way more kids on a regular basis than I do. Sorry, I really didn''t mean to offend anyone ...

 

[Burk]

No worries, vespergirl! I think good parents are good parents whether married, divorced, working, stay at home, whatever works for them! Big shout out to all the parents out there who are making it work somehow, because I know that there are also many people who don''t take the time and energy to be the best parent they can be (for example a mom whose response to me, her son''s teacher, when I told her that he was disrespectful was "he''s like that at home, too, nothing I can do" but that''s a whole other thread....)

 

[LitigatorChick]

Hey, interesting thread.

As you know, I am a lawyer (who just made partner - yahhhh - still excited). I work a lot, and I love what I do. I would not trade it for anything. If I won a bazillion dollars, I would still do my job. It excites my brain, let''s me enjoy friend/co-workers, and satisfy a huge important aspect of my life.

No doubt, my most important role is my little man. He is my life and my number one love. But that doesn''t mean I feel that I have to spend ever minute with him. In my particular situation, with my psychological make-up, I think I am a better mommy when I am a happy fulfilled mommy.

My income allows me to get him awesome care. His nanny is just wonderful to him, and he loves her so much. She is my SAHM, and takes care of all the cleaning and other extra tasks. I get pure "Miller time" when I am at home.

It works for me, so you just need to find your bliss. Good luck!!!!

 

[mrssalvo]

I''m a SAHM and wanted to be. We do make sacrifices for me to be home but I wouldn''t trade it for anything, especially while my kids are little. I like going on fieldtrips, being a room mom, helping out the teachers etc. I have 3 kids and am running around so I don''t usually have time to be bored but I do totally ditto diver''s mom''s club suggestion. it is a great way to be around other women and chat while your kids play. I met some of my closest friends in my mom''s club. One thing I have done is taught group fitness classes or swim lessons at local health clubs b/c it provides us with a free membership and a little side cash which is nice. They will watch your kids in the nursery for free so you aren''t losing $ paying for childcare. I have found even 4 hours a week is nice.

 

[bee*]

D and I have discussed this frequently and if we do have children, we are both in agreement that we will both work. I can see myself being somewhat similar to LitigatorChick in that I absolutely adore what I do and I can''t see myself ever giving up working in veterinary, especially once I''m qualified as a vet. It sort of nearly defines me as who I am. Obviously once I have a child, they will be my number one priority, but I still don''t think that I would stay at home. My mother worked but her workplace was right beside our house so she was there even though she was working. You''ll make the right decision for yourself and your husband Haven.

 

[fieryred33143]

I don''t have children yet but with one on the way, we''ve talked this through.

I will continue to work as I''m the breadwinner of the family. If we see that daycare gets to be too expensive, then FI will be a SAHD.

We don''t have any SAHM''s in my family. My mom was one because my dad didn''t like her working and prefered that she stayed at home. But when he passed, she worked. I figured if she could work with very little English and still be a good mom to 3 children, then I can to.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/20/2008 11:16:13 AM
Author: fieryred33143
If we see that daycare gets to be too expensive, then FI will be a SAHD.

We don''t have any SAHM''s in my family. My mom was one because my dad didn''t like her working and prefered that she stayed at home. But when he passed, she worked. I figured if she could work with very little English and still be a good mom to 3 children, then I can to.

There are not any SAHMs in DH''s or my family, either. I feel tremendous pressure to work and supposedly there is even talk between them that I should be working. (and I was confronted by one family member about the topic. I''m always in the habit of trying to keep people happy, so I wasn''t rude to her, in fact I stumbled over my words in an effort to keep us on good terms, however, if she brings it up again, I will be putting my foot down!) But, like I''ve already said, I do want to find PT work, but as my own choice.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 11/20/2008 11:52:01 AM
Author: MC

Date: 11/20/2008 11:16:13 AM
Author: fieryred33143
If we see that daycare gets to be too expensive, then FI will be a SAHD.

We don''t have any SAHM''s in my family. My mom was one because my dad didn''t like her working and prefered that she stayed at home. But when he passed, she worked. I figured if she could work with very little English and still be a good mom to 3 children, then I can to.

There are not any SAHMs in DH''s or my family, either. I feel tremendous pressure to work and supposedly there is even talk between them that I should be working. (and I was confronted by one family member about the topic. I''m always in the habit of trying to keep people happy, so I wasn''t rude to her, in fact I stumbled over my words in an effort to keep us on good terms, however, if she brings it up again, I will be putting my foot down!) But, like I''ve already said, I do want to find PT work, but as my own choice.

I def. see the benefits of having a parent stay at home and if it wasn''t for financial reasons, I would prefer that one of us stays home. Having my mom there when I got home from school was great (especially having a cup of hot chocolate and a grilled cheese sandwich ready when I just came in from the snow

). We lucked out because she found a job where she was able to leave the house when we left and would get home before we did, but I would imagine that its not always like that.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/20/2008 12:02:32 PM
Author: fieryred33143

I def. see the benefits of having a parent stay at home and if it wasn't for financial reasons, I would prefer that one of us stays home. Having my mom there when I got home from school was great (especially having a cup of hot chocolate and a grilled cheese sandwich ready when I just came in from the snow

). We lucked out because she found a job where she was able to leave the house when we left and would get home before we did, but I would imagine that its not always like that.

What about during the summer? Were you in daycare then and during the holidays?

 

[diamondfan]

I did not want to work outside my home once I had kids. And my husband works very long hours and travels a lot, so it did not make any sense for both of us to be out of the house. My oldest is 16, then I have a 13 year old and a 7 year old...so I am still home. I never had any regrets at all. I think if you can swing it financially, it is a great thing to do for your kids. I think you still need outside interests and things that are fulfilling to you other than your kids, but being available to them is so important especially when they are really young.

 

[fieryred33143]

Date: 11/20/2008 12:04:19 PM
Author: MC

Date: 11/20/2008 12:02:32 PM
Author: fieryred33143

I def. see the benefits of having a parent stay at home and if it wasn''t for financial reasons, I would prefer that one of us stays home. Having my mom there when I got home from school was great (especially having a cup of hot chocolate and a grilled cheese sandwich ready when I just came in from the snow

). We lucked out because she found a job where she was able to leave the house when we left and would get home before we did, but I would imagine that its not always like that.

What about during the summer? Were you in daycare then and during the holidays?

My mom works as a cafeteria lady (they call them dietician aides) so she had summer and holidays off. There were two summers when she did work right after my father passed to get more money. My aunt lived two doors down and I was 14 so my mom would leave me with my brothers and my aunt would come by every 1 to 2 hours to check up on us. After we got into our house, she stopped working over the summer and started again when my brothers were old enough to stay home alone.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

Date: 11/20/2008 12:12:32 PM
Author: fieryred33143

Date: 11/20/2008 12:04:19 PM
Author: MC

What about during the summer? Were you in daycare then and during the holidays?

My mom works as a cafeteria lady (they call them dietician aides) so she had summer and holidays off. There were two summers when she did work right after my father passed to get more money. My aunt lived two doors down and I was 14 so my mom would leave me with my brothers and my aunt would come by every 1 to 2 hours to check up on us. After we got into our house, she stopped working over the summer and started again when my brothers were old enough to stay home alone.

That is the perfect kind of job! Hopefully I can find something like that and with volunteering am hoping to get references.

I''m sorry about your dad. That must have been very tough on all of you.