Men!!!

[Puppmom]

How could I forget? He barely screws the cap on the orange juice...then guess what happens when I shake it?

 

[Callisto]

Hahaha these are too funny. I guess my SO is pretty good overall. He definitely doesn''t do a lot of the things on these lists.

My most recent pet peeve with him is that I''ll ask him a question and if he''s on his computer he won''t respond for up to a minute. Even if its just a really short simple answer.

He''s pretty good about housework but like many have mentioned he HATES going to the grocery store.

I have more but I''m at work at the moment. I''ll try to post more later.

 

[geckodani]

The problem with the fact that DH hates going to the store is that I ALSO hate going to the store, LOL.

 

[doodle]

The eyes on the smiley, note that. Put those eyes in the face of an adorable Puerto Rican man. Congratulations, now you know what my dearest darling husband looks like when he farts. In public, might I add. He says nothing, does nothing, just does the eyes, and you know to RUN while you can because a death cloud of stankage is heading your way. In private, a totally different story. Then, he blames it on geese, or frogs, or butterflies, or anything else that pops into his head. "Man, did you hear that spider?! I didn''t even know they could bark like that!"

The man also has some serious bathroom issues. We had a conversation last night that went something like this:

Me: Is there something in the male chromosomes that forbids all of you from cleaning up after grooming your facial hair? Because I''m NOT a fan of having your SPROUTAGE all up in my toothbrush!
Him: ::peals of laughter:: ::gasps for air:: You...said...SPROUTAGE!!!
Me: Did you even process what I just said?
Him: Yeah, you said...um...well, really, all I got was "sproutage."

He also can''t aim, to the extent that I''ve started telling him to take care of his Stevie Wonder issues because I refuse to anymore. He''s getting better about that one. Another thing I don''t get--how is it that my husband can BUILD a computer, works with electronics all day every day, but he can''t figure out even the most basic of functions on his cell phone?! He treats the trash like an adaptation of Jenga--just piles stuff and piles stuff, then cusses like a sailor when he goes to take it out and it all falls on him. He refuses to buy new underwear--I actually got him to throw one pair away recently because I told some of the friends we were with that he was basically going commando but with an elastic belt because there was NADA left in the crotch of these shorts! And he''s the same way with socks--how can it even be comfortable to wear toeless socks?! The highlight, though, is his talking in his sleep. I SWEAR, he woke me up in the middle of the night once because he rolled toward me, grabbed me by the hips, STARTED PEDALING, and said, "You like to ride the bike, doncha?" This is doubly ridiculous if I throw in that, actually, neither of us ever learned how to ride a bike, so no, I''m not particularly a fan, now get back on your side, you big idiot! Ah well, at least he keeps me amused!

 

[alli_esq]

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THREAD OF ALL TIME.

I am sitting here, literallly laughing out loud--I can relate to almost every single thing all of you has written. Mrs. M--my husband is so awful at grocery shopping it''s almost comical, but the salmon and herb cream cheese cupcakes...wow!

I have little to add...DH does SO MANY of these things...

--He always leaves receipts, tiny pieces of paper, wrappers, pennies, peppermint candies, lint, etc. all over our tiny apartment. He just has a problem with putting small items in the trash I suppose.

--The "we-we" thing...oh yes. OH YES. ALWAYS. CONSTANTLY.

--Refuses to use a wallet or money clip of any kind, just keeps his credit cards and cash crumpled up in his pockets, and loses his debit card virtually monthly. I am not exaggerating. He has literally had to replace his debit card at least a dozen times in the 5 years I''ve known him, and he ALWAYS finds it somewhere. He also loves to leave his card at bars and remember it the following day.

--Hangers, oh we''ve got hanger issues. First off, yes, I do hate wire hangers (yes, the Mommie Dearest line resonates in my mind every time I look in his closet), and he INSISTS on using them, even though we have PLENTY of wooden and plastic hangers to go around. He also leaves the wire hangers in the closet, empty (EVEN BACKWARDS SOMETIMES! AAAAARGH), without throwing them away, and then complains how he has NO ROOM in his closet to hang his clothes.

--He gets mad if I ever throw out any item of food from the refrigerator, no matter how old, if it looks even partially edible. This includes OJ that is 3-4 months past its due date (I don''t drink juice, and I never check the expiration dates, which is silly of me, I suppose!), milk or eggs (even if there is one egg left, or a drop of milk, and it''s 2+ weeks after its due date), fruit (MUSHY), it doesn''t matter. I''m not one to want to waste food, but IF IT''S ROTTEN, WE SHOULDN''T EAT IT. If there are berries with mold on them, you better believe he will pick out the ones that he thinks are (mostly) mold-free and eat them before they go in the trash. Talk about vile. Let''s not even talk about the leftover chicken paprikas (a CREAM DISH) that his mother gave to him and he left in the LIVING ROOM for a WEEK before remembering what was in the bag..and then EATING IT.

--This is my favorite. We received a beautiful knife block for our wedding which require that we wash and dry each of the knives thoroughly after each use. Well, if you could see the HORROR and the ANGER on my DH''s face when I told him of this necessary task, you''d think I told him that he was going to have to run a marathon every time he wishes to cut some vegetables. He is so adamant about his refusal to clean and dry the knives that he actually WON''T EVEN USE THEM. He uses steak knives for everything he needs to cut. So absurd.

Okay, I love my DH. Of course I do. And I KNOW he has a THOUSAND things he''d say about me (I leave my shoes everywhere, I leave open cabinets, I have no sense of spacial relations and whenever he opens a cupboard, things fall out on him...this list goes on), but I have to say--this was fun

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 5/13/2010 1:06:28 PM
Author: TravelingGal

Date: 5/13/2010 12:47:55 PM

Author: snowflakeluvr

My hubby recycles, but that means cans go on the counter and it''s MY job to carry them out to the garage?(I quit doing it)

Snowflakeluvr, I feel your pain. My husband is BIG into recycling since he''s Australian and they are into recycling everything. He''d actually wash the cans and bottles and stack them in a corner of our apartment. And stack them. And stack them. He NEVER took them to the recycling center and I am not kidding you when our apartment (which was already cluttered from baby stuff) looked like a garbage dump.

So when my nanny offered to take them herself, I was enthused! I told him it solved all our problems...he would be happy that we are recycling and she would be making a bit of extra change, and I wouldn''t have to look at a pile of garbage. He hemmed and hawwed and said he wanted to take it himself. I was like, why? You don''t LIKE to do it and we don''t NEED the 10 dollars. He said, ''But I did all the work cleaning and sorting it, and I want to know how much it''s all worth!'' I told him then and there he had psychological issues, but I pick my battles. I gave him a deadline to take it in and he did it THAT morning. By that time, FIVE MONTHS of recycling had piled up.

Thank GOD in our new house, he is happy to just use the recycling bin that they come and pick up.

How could I forget this one?! Yes, on top of making little trash piles next to the trash can, he also likes to make collections of bottles and cans on the counter. We have an indoor recycling bin that is literally 3 feet from the counter he leaves them on. But see, that''s usually full because he''s unable to dump the indoor recycling bin into the big outdoor one the city picks up. So I''ve started immediately putting the cans and bottles on the counter in the trash. I like recycling, but I like having trash pile-free counters even more. (Sorry earth-lovers.)

OH-and he likes to leave empty pizza boxes on the kitchen table. I guess that''s where they go before he gets around to recycling them? Now I fold them in half and jam them in the trash can, too.

 

[Mrs Mitchell]

Yup, DH loves to recycle. Unfortunately his enthusiasm only extends to creating individual piles in the porch.

Porch is next to a railway line and most of the time it's just freight trains. Occasionally, they run a day trip special train for passengers, so they can see the sights. One of the sights is our unofficial recycling centre / porch. There was actually a comment made over the tannoy system on the last passenger train that went by. (There really was. I was on that train...)

Apparently, our grass needs cutting too.

 

[lilyfoot]

Date: 5/13/2010 2:43:38 PM
Author: alli_esq
--He gets mad if I ever throw out any item of food from the refrigerator, no matter how old, if it looks even partially edible. This includes OJ that is 3-4 months past its due date (I don''t drink juice, and I never check the expiration dates, which is silly of me, I suppose!), milk or eggs (even if there is one egg left, or a drop of milk, and it''s 2+ weeks after its due date), fruit (MUSHY), it doesn''t matter. I''m not one to want to waste food, but IF IT''S ROTTEN, WE SHOULDN''T EAT IT. If there are berries with mold on them, you better believe he will pick out the ones that he thinks are (mostly) mold-free and eat them before they go in the trash. Talk about vile. Let''s not even talk about the leftover chicken paprikas (a CREAM DISH) that his mother gave to him and he left in the LIVING ROOM for a WEEK before remembering what was in the bag..and then EATING IT.

I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth!

 

[somethingshiny]

OMG! This thread is hilarious!!

I''ll add DH to the list of goatee offenders. The worst part about it is it even gets into the tub. He doesn''t trim it in the tub so I''m not sure how the wee hairs find their way in there but you can use your imagination to figure out where they end up when I bathe.

Lately EVERY morning DH wakes up and says "I feel awful." This is really beginning to piss me off. His point of "feeling awful" is because I kept him awake too much with my tossing and turning of my giant preggo self and got up too many times to pee. Yes, I can see why YOU''RE so upset that I had to wake up and pee 4x, have to make a 3 point turn to roll over, and can''t manage to keep the blanket covering my belly.

 

[joflier]

Oh - and I thought of something else. SO does this mouthbreathing thing when he''s focused on doing some kind of task. It''s like he''s snoring while wide awake.

 

[elrohwen]

DH cannot eat a meal without spilling something, usually on the floor (rarely on his clothes). While putting together a plate of food in the kitchen, at least one thing will end up on the ground nearby. While eating in the living room, his fork will end up on the floor (taking food with it) no less than 4 times per week. It drives me insane. Especially because if I ever dropped a piece of food he would make me get out the paper towels and carpet cleaner and wash the entire area. When he does it, he just rubs quickly with a napkin and it''s all clean.

 

[galeteia]

He puts his water at the foot of the couch. Exactly in the place where YOUR FEET GO when you get off the couch. At any given time, there are 3-4 giant, top-heavy cups of water at the foot of the couch, waiting for me to put my feet down to get up and knock them over. It''s like he lines them up at the foot of the couch in an impromptu obstacle course.

He gets MAD when I knock them over, because I didn''t watch where I put my feet. I put my feet ON THE FLOOR. That''s WHERE FEET GO. On the FLOOR. Glasses of water do NOT belong on the floor where feet go!

 

[MonkeyPie]

BWAHAHA! Best. Thread. EVER!

My DH does a lot of the things already listed - pizza boxes on the table, piles of paper/random crap everywhere (God forbid if I threw them out), the facial hair all over the sink (ewwww!).

The worst thing, which I have simply come to accept, is that he refuses to sleep with a sheet. He sleeps on top of it, layered on top of the fitted sheet, with just the comforter on top. When we first started staying together it drove me INSANE because I would get under the sheet when I got in bed, and when he came to bed hours later he would lay on top of it, and I would spend the whole night fighting with the darn thing because his weight basically trapped me in the bed. Oh, the anger, I cannot even tell you.

He also keeps telling me the baby smells like pee (he doesn''t - but he has leaked out of his diaper a few times) and he needs a bath...but he won''t do it. And when he DOES do it after I tell him to quit bitching and just be daddy for a few minutes, he waits until one in the morning to do it - thus waking ME up, and messing up Micah''s sleep schedule too! Grrrr!

Oh men. Sometimes I wonder how any of us stand each other.

 

[fieryred33143]

OMG MP-that would drive me bananas! I''m someone who needs to sleep on crisp sheets and everything has to be even.

I just thought of another while I was in the kitchen.

He will start random projects around the house that''s not really needed but nice to have. But he stops before finishing. If he leaves a part of the project undone that you can''t really notice unless you know about it, no big deal. But he leaves behind stuff that''s so obvious.

For ex., he decided to surprise me with a painted bathroom. It was lovely. Nice green color, paintings on the wall, matching decor.

But he left a patch of the wall next to the toilet unpainted. As soon as you opened the door, your eyes would go directly to the part that was not painted. And it was like that for 4 months until I finished it.

Another ex., he replaced the kitchen floor but he left a patch as you walk in to the kitchen undone. So its nice tile and one patch of tile that doesn''t match it at all. This was about 6 months ago.

 

[HollyS]

Mrs. HollyS says:

Does he have to save paper cups he's used by putting them on the top shelf of the refrigerator?

Why does he pull up the blanket and make the bed without smoothing the sheets underneath?

If he's cleaning the kitty box, why can't he sweep up the litter on the floor?

If he wanted all that junk food in the pantry, why is it going stale instead of being eaten?

Why can't he finish a loaf of perfectly good bread rather than open the loaf we just bought?

Why must he always have a groan-worthy pun at the ready?

 

[Hudson_Hawk]

Date: 5/13/2010 2:31:28 PM
Author: doodle

The eyes on the smiley, note that. Put those eyes in the face of an adorable Puerto Rican man. Congratulations, now you know what my dearest darling husband looks like when he farts. In public, might I add. He says nothing, does nothing, just does the eyes, and you know to RUN while you can because a death cloud of stankage is heading your way. In private, a totally different story. Then, he blames it on geese, or frogs, or butterflies, or anything else that pops into his head. ''Man, did you hear that spider?! I didn''t even know they could bark like that!''

The man also has some serious bathroom issues. We had a conversation last night that went something like this:


Me: Is there something in the male chromosomes that forbids all of you from cleaning up after grooming your facial hair? Because I''m NOT a fan of having your SPROUTAGE all up in my toothbrush!

Him: ::peals of laughter:: ::gasps for air:: You...said...SPROUTAGE!!!

Me: Did you even process what I just said?

Him: Yeah, you said...um...well, really, all I got was ''sproutage.''


He also can''t aim, to the extent that I''ve started telling him to take care of his Stevie Wonder issues because I refuse to anymore. He''s getting better about that one. Another thing I don''t get--how is it that my husband can BUILD a computer, works with electronics all day every day, but he can''t figure out even the most basic of functions on his cell phone?! He treats the trash like an adaptation of Jenga--just piles stuff and piles stuff, then cusses like a sailor when he goes to take it out and it all falls on him. He refuses to buy new underwear--I actually got him to throw one pair away recently because I told some of the friends we were with that he was basically going commando but with an elastic belt because there was NADA left in the crotch of these shorts! And he''s the same way with socks--how can it even be comfortable to wear toeless socks?! The highlight, though, is his talking in his sleep. I SWEAR, he woke me up in the middle of the night once because he rolled toward me, grabbed me by the hips, STARTED PEDALING, and said, ''You like to ride the bike, doncha?'' This is doubly ridiculous if I throw in that, actually, neither of us ever learned how to ride a bike, so no, I''m not particularly a fan, now get back on your side, you big idiot! Ah well, at least he keeps me amused!

OMG your "ride the bike" comment just made me pee!

 

[packrat]

Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

 

[joflier]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bella_mezzo]

I am laughing so hard!!!!!

I am crazy about my DH but he drives me crazy sometimes too

the sproutage in the sink (and yes I am totally going to appropriate that word

the disintegrating underwear and socks!!!!

a refusal to do dishes

constantly telling me I am the messy one in the relationship when our apartment currntly looks rnsacked b/c he decided to sort his 5 months of laundryand 3 clothes baskets of crap that were in the closet form when I moved in a A YEAR AGO (in fairness I am messy, but I hate dirt and dirty dishes and dirty clothes, clutter--like papers and books and sometimes clean clothes is how I am messy

procrastinating about everything!!!

The bike thing and the herb and salmon cupcakes are HILARIOUS!!!

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

OMG ahahahaha! Seriously, is he 5? My DH has done this to me too, but only once or twice. It''s like he needs me to applaud when I see it.

 

[ksinger]

This really is a fab thread. I''ve had a rotten day, so thank you ladies for the laughs. I''ve needed them!

First, I will give the boy that he at least has no really disgusting personal habits. Thank goodness. (Except I did have to rip him a new one for the mustache trimmings all over the sink. I''ve noticed them again lately, so the one I ripped him may be scarring up. It may be time to rip again, but I digress) And he is quite an excellent cook and shopper. HOWEVER....

Let''s talk grease, shall we? We bought a new stove when we remodeled the kitchen. It is gas and has 5 burners, continuous grates, fine-grained control, the works. According to him however, there are 2 settings on every burner: OFF and HELL. Everything is cooked at high for him. He learned to cook rather late, and I guess he thinks getting a good sear on everything is the best. I have 2 grease splatter screens. Does he use either one of them? Of course not! So there is grease on the stove, the counters, the hood, the PENDANT LIGHTS, everywhere. I''m continually cleaning up after him. And cleaning the light fixtures requires a ladder. Seriously. And he couldn''t clean up a crumb on the counter - a pet peeve of mine - if his life depended on it.

And he gets mad if ANYTHING is left on the counters for any length of time - must put everything AWAY right after dinner''s last swallow, NO RESTING!! NO DIGESTING!!, yet, by one of our sinks there is this nasty, unsightly bowl of trimmings for the compost heap or the worm bins. Does he empty it daily? No. Does it count as "food on the counters"? Why NO, of course not. That''s different. I hope the bugs understand the distinction.

 

[MonkeyPie]

Date: 5/13/2010 9:20:02 PM
Author: ksinger
We bought a new stove when we remodeled the kitchen. It is gas and has 5 burners, continuous grates, fine-grained control, the works. According to him however, there are 2 settings on every burner: OFF and HELL.

OMG this post made me need a trip to the bathroom. AHAHAHA!

 

[somethingshiny]

Date: 5/13/2010 5:52:42 PM
Author: Galateia
He puts his water at the foot of the couch. Exactly in the place where YOUR FEET GO when you get off the couch. At any given time, there are 3-4 giant, top-heavy cups of water at the foot of the couch, waiting for me to put my feet down to get up and knock them over. It''s like he lines them up at the foot of the couch in an impromptu obstacle course.


He gets MAD when I knock them over, because I didn''t watch where I put my feet. I put my feet ON THE FLOOR. That''s WHERE FEET GO. On the FLOOR. Glasses of water do NOT belong on the floor where feet go!

DH does this with pepsi cans!! And seriously gets angry if I kick one over, but more often HE kicks one over and can''t understand why!! The coffee table is right there, put the dang can on it.

I also have a man who will not dispose of the holy boxers. If the waistband no longer holds them up, and the bottom no longer holds THEM in, what good are they?? But heaven forbid if he sees I put a pair in the trash.

One more thing, for now.....When DH needs a haircut, instead of saying "I need a haircut" he grabs handfuls of his own hair and pulls it at odd angles so I can see just how unruly it is.

 

[alli_esq]

Date: 5/13/2010 10:09:59 PM
Author: somethingshiny

Date: 5/13/2010 5:52:42 PM

Author: Galateia

He puts his water at the foot of the couch. Exactly in the place where YOUR FEET GO when you get off the couch. At any given time, there are 3-4 giant, top-heavy cups of water at the foot of the couch, waiting for me to put my feet down to get up and knock them over. It''s like he lines them up at the foot of the couch in an impromptu obstacle course.



He gets MAD when I knock them over, because I didn''t watch where I put my feet. I put my feet ON THE FLOOR. That''s WHERE FEET GO. On the FLOOR. Glasses of water do NOT belong on the floor where feet go!

DH does this with pepsi cans!! And seriously gets angry if I kick one over, but more often HE kicks one over and can''t understand why!! The coffee table is right there, put the dang can on it.


I also have a man who will not dispose of the holy boxers. If the waistband no longer holds them up, and the bottom no longer holds THEM in, what good are they?? But heaven forbid if he sees I put a pair in the trash.


One more thing, for now.....When DH needs a haircut, instead of saying ''I need a haircut'' he grabs handfuls of his own hair and pulls it at odd angles so I can see just how unruly it is.

UUUGH---that just reminded me. My loving, adorable DH, who is no less than THIRTY-THREE YEARS-OLD refuses to get a damn haircut until about 4 weeks after it''s too late. I always say that he has the same haircut as Ronald McDonald. (it''s salt and pepper and not red, but still.)

I actually have become SO SICK of hearing myself tell him how ridiculous he looks and how he needs a haircut that I decided that this time around, I''m not going to say it. Clearly he won''t listen anyway. His hair is currently at least 2 weeks past its prime, so I''m just waiting for him to make the decision for himself.

 

[snlee]

I can think of a few -

- gifts? forget about it! horrible, he doesn''t even try anymore.
- not a talker. won''t ask how I''m feeling. If I have something to share, he just expects me to say it without him asking.
- reads/watches the new too much. I hate watching the news.

 

[jaysonsmom]

OMG, I just sat here and read through everyone''s pet peeves about their husbands....and I was reading them out loud to him, breaking out in hysterical laughter every time he looks at me in shock like he thought "I" wrote it. ARE WE ALL MARRIED TO THE SAME GUY?

Here''s one that hasn''t been shared. My husband likes to play video games for "fun", but he get SO worked up he yells so loud I jump out of my skin and curses at the computer screen! I keep wondering why he continues to torture himself for fun?

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/13/2010 10:43:02 AM
Author: princesss

- Laundry. The sweet, wonderful boy does laundry (and does it more frequently than I do). But the laundry almost never makes it to the closet. When I do laundry, I fold it, hang it, and put it away. It''s my least favourite part of donig laundry, but I do it. He leaves it in the drier for days, finally decides to hang everything, and just leaves it hanging from the mantle. He neatly folds underoos and PJs and puts them on the coffee table, or next to the TV. And then leaves them there. Guests coming? It''s cool, princesss, you''ve got cute underoos. Cleaning the house? But that''s where the clothes live. Closets are sooooo claustrophobic. And the best part is, when he finally puts clothes away, he leaves my stuff there! ''But I don''t know where it goes!'' I swear to Bob, I''m going to PAINT ''Underoos'' ''Sports gear'' and ''PJs'' onto my drawers so he doen''t have an excuse.

*clears throat*

I have a very important announcement to make. M did the laundry tonight and put it away all by himself! This is a very good day.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 5/13/2010 10:09:59 PM
Author: somethingshiny
One more thing, for now.....When DH needs a haircut, instead of saying ''I need a haircut'' he grabs handfuls of his own hair and pulls it at odd angles so I can see just how unruly it is.

Yes! What is with this! I think DH is secretly proud that he looks like Wolverine when he''s gone too long without a haircut.

 

[elrohwen]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

LMAO

DH does his own version of this a few times a week before bed.

 

[ladyciel]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.


OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

Mine does this as well. Drives me bonkers!! I think it''s because 1) he thinks it''s funny, and 2) he wants attention. If he comes out of the shower, he gets himself into my line of sight, pulls off the towel, and does a little shake combined with a "Woo woooo!". If I don''t react, he accuses me of not paying attention to him. If I DO react, it just seems to encourage him. No chance of winning that battle, I fear...

Add mine to the list of men who can''t cook. He tries, on occasion, but he is HORRIBLE at reading directions, especially recipes. He''ll "read" a step and take away only half of what it actually says. This is how brownie batter gets scraped into a pan 2x too big, he calls for me to ask if the batter should be THAT thin, swears up and down the box doesn''t say what size, just "pan", and I look on the box and discover "STEP ONE: Preheat oven to 325. Lightly grease a 9"x9" pan with cooking spray." Oh, and another time he tried to make a fancy breakfast for me including an involved recipe for eggs benedict. I expected there to be trouble, but he was dead set on doing it. He read the step that said to simmer peppercorns in vinegar to infuse the flavor. He skipped the step that said to strain the peppercorns back out. Thus, I had to dodge whole peppercorns in my hollandaise sauce.

Bless his heart for trying, though.

He has zero patience for people, especially driving. He can go from happy to completely pissed off and ranting with just the 2 minute drive from our house to work. My mood is often sensitive to his mood, so sitting through this makes me irritable as well. However, though HIS mood and being pissy was completely justified, me being grumpy isn''t allowed and so he''s suddenly all sunshine and trying to tease me about being cranky. The sudden transformation and attempt to turn the tables on me just drives me up the wall. Really, this could apply to any time he gets into a bad mood and drags me down into one. Without notice he drops the anger and instead turns to teasing (the now short-fused, needing some quiet and fresh air to decompress) me. I''m happy to be the one thing that can brighten his self-induced bad day, but don''t do it in a way that just continues to ruin mine!!

He dumps the clippings from his electric shaver into the sink, but never rinses them down the drain.

He''s OBSESSIVE about carrying any dirty dishes from the table or living room into the kitchen, but they never go past the counter. Unless it''s still covered with stuff from making dinner, in which case they''ll pile on the stove. If that''s crowded with pots from making dinner, THEN the dishes go in the sink. It doesn''t matter if there''s room in the dishwasher, even if I have it open to put in my plate. I swear he thinks his job is done as long as the dishes are delivered to the kitchen fairy''s domain. If he DOES empty the dishwasher, any larger items are just plopped on top of the stove for me to find later and try to figure out if they''re clean or dirty.

When he cooks, he makes a huge mess of the stove-top, and always swears to wipe it up later. He never does.

He asks for my help with work - editing his writing or batting around ideas - but then he gets in a huff and accuses me of talking down to him if I ask questions, even though I''m asking because I just don''t know or understand something.

He does the laundry, which I very much appreciate, but he always hangs my shirts so sloppily on the hangers that they end up creased and wrinkled. As long as the shirt is going to stay on the hanger, he''s done. It doesn''t matter if the collar is all twisted, or the sleeve is caught in itself, or it''s caught and folded in such a way there''s going to be a big line across my chest.

Oh, and add me to the list of WE always means ME!