Men!!!

[CurlySue]

Date: 5/19/2010 12:59:21 PM
Author: Hudson_Hawk

Date: 5/16/2010 8:42:01 PM
Author: Bliss
I often wonder... if you broke it down into years...how many years of their life men spend pooping?

Or in percentages? Would it be 10-20%? Why do they love their ''throne'' so much??? LOL

And why do they insist on having reading material? I always giggle to myself when I see guys at work headed to the bathroom with the sports section or something else to read. It''s like they''re advertising the fact that they''re going to go take a 20 minute dump. Is it an excuse to read the paper or does it really take that long for them to do their stuff? It doesn''t take me that long!

Ha! I *wish* my FI was reading in there. At least then he''d be catching up on the day''s headlines or pursuing literary interests. Nope. My guy plays Tetris. In fact, that is now our euphemism for taking a dump - "playing Tetris." He has a handheld game-boy thing that sits on the sink. I can tell when he''s particularly motivated and going for a new high score by how long he''s in there. God love him.

 

[dragonfly411]

Why do they need 50 hats? Seriously.... If you only rotate between three... why is my closet door COVERED in caps?????

 

[OUpearlgirl]

Date: 5/16/2010 2:00:49 AM
Author: doodle
Glad Y''ALL thought it was funny--I''m still feeling violated!

Seriously, I don''t understand why he''s such a chatterbox in his sleep because he doesn''t say much the rest of the time. Another night, again with him talking in his sleep, we had the following conversation:


HIM: You rock!

ME: What''re you talking about?

HIM: You rock at both styles!

ME: Both styles of what?

HIM: BOTH STYLES OF DANCE.

ME: Oh? And what are the two styles of dance?

HIM: The NATURAL kind and the UNNATURAL kind!!


I guess I got what I deserved for making him watch So You Think You Can Dance with me! He also gave me a really long lecture in his sleep one night about how he couldn''t take it anymore with all the ''washing and ironing and ironing and washing'' (at which point I reminded him that he''s never ironed anything ever), and he then told me there were ''just entirely too many blue ones'' (and when I asked him ''blue what?'' he got angry that I didn''t know about all the big blue birds helping him with the laundry). We seriously keep lists on our night stands, mine of stuff he says in his sleep, and his of stuff I mishear. We''re a sad pair, haha!

Sleep Talkin'' Man

 

[dragonfly411]

Date: 5/19/2010 5:24:30 PM
Author: OUpeargirl

Date: 5/16/2010 2:00:49 AM

Author: doodle

Glad Y'ALL thought it was funny--I'm still feeling violated!

Seriously, I don't understand why he's such a chatterbox in his sleep because he doesn't say much the rest of the time. Another night, again with him talking in his sleep, we had the following conversation:



HIM: You rock!


ME: What're you talking about?


HIM: You rock at both styles!


ME: Both styles of what?


HIM: BOTH STYLES OF DANCE.


ME: Oh? And what are the two styles of dance?


HIM: The NATURAL kind and the UNNATURAL kind!!



I guess I got what I deserved for making him watch So You Think You Can Dance with me! He also gave me a really long lecture in his sleep one night about how he couldn't take it anymore with all the 'washing and ironing and ironing and washing' (at which point I reminded him that he's never ironed anything ever), and he then told me there were 'just entirely too many blue ones' (and when I asked him 'blue what?' he got angry that I didn't know about all the big blue birds helping him with the laundry). We seriously keep lists on our night stands, mine of stuff he says in his sleep, and his of stuff I mishear. We're a sad pair, haha!

Sleep Talkin' Man

 

[MonkeyPie]

My DH thinks this thread is awesome and laughed his butt off about the pedaling.

 

[FrekeChild]

Doodle! I need to write what my husband says in his sleep down more often. The most memorable one was where he woke me up to tell me that I needed to be careful because "you might lose your powers!"

I find it highly amusing.

 

[zoebartlett]

Doodle -- your husband is hilarious!

 

[Porridge]

Date: 5/19/2010 5:49:46 PM
Author: dragonfly411

Date: 5/19/2010 5:24:30 PM

Author: OUpeargirl

Date: 5/16/2010 2:00:49 AM


Author: doodle


Glad Y''ALL thought it was funny--I''m still feeling violated!

Seriously, I don''t understand why he''s such a chatterbox in his sleep because he doesn''t say much the rest of the time. Another night, again with him talking in his sleep, we had the following conversation:




HIM: You rock!



ME: What''re you talking about?



HIM: You rock at both styles!



ME: Both styles of what?



HIM: BOTH STYLES OF DANCE.



ME: Oh? And what are the two styles of dance?



HIM: The NATURAL kind and the UNNATURAL kind!!




I guess I got what I deserved for making him watch So You Think You Can Dance with me! He also gave me a really long lecture in his sleep one night about how he couldn''t take it anymore with all the ''washing and ironing and ironing and washing'' (at which point I reminded him that he''s never ironed anything ever), and he then told me there were ''just entirely too many blue ones'' (and when I asked him ''blue what?'' he got angry that I didn''t know about all the big blue birds helping him with the laundry). We seriously keep lists on our night stands, mine of stuff he says in his sleep, and his of stuff I mishear. We''re a sad pair, haha!

Sleep Talkin'' Man

That is HYSTERICAL! omg friggin peeing myself over here.

 

[joflier]

Ok. I really want to know......what is so exciting about hunting and fishing magazines???

 

[HVVS]

Date: 5/13/2010 3:07:58 PM
Author: Mrs Mitchell
Yup, DH loves to recycle. Unfortunately his enthusiasm only extends to creating individual piles in the porch.


Porch is next to a railway line and most of the time it's just freight trains. Occasionally, they run a day trip special train for passengers, so they can see the sights. One of the sights is our unofficial recycling centre / porch. There was actually a comment made over the tannoy system on the last passenger train that went by. (There really was. I was on that train...)

Apparently, our grass needs cutting too.

I'd have died laughing. "Congratulations! We've made The Tour!"

And Packrat, your posts were a riot.

I am not even all the way through this thread, and laughed until I am in tears. But I am already inclined to CANCEL my date this weekend. I'd forgotten all this stuff about marriage, lol! Why take a chance! What's that? A ring? no, no, no , no, oh, you Keep that. I already bought one...

 

[doodle]

Date: 5/19/2010 5:24:30 PM
Author: OUpeargirl

Date: 5/16/2010 2:00:49 AM

Author: doodle

Glad Y''ALL thought it was funny--I''m still feeling violated!

Seriously, I don''t understand why he''s such a chatterbox in his sleep because he doesn''t say much the rest of the time. Another night, again with him talking in his sleep, we had the following conversation:



HIM: You rock!


ME: What''re you talking about?


HIM: You rock at both styles!


ME: Both styles of what?


HIM: BOTH STYLES OF DANCE.


ME: Oh? And what are the two styles of dance?


HIM: The NATURAL kind and the UNNATURAL kind!!



I guess I got what I deserved for making him watch So You Think You Can Dance with me! He also gave me a really long lecture in his sleep one night about how he couldn''t take it anymore with all the ''washing and ironing and ironing and washing'' (at which point I reminded him that he''s never ironed anything ever), and he then told me there were ''just entirely too many blue ones'' (and when I asked him ''blue what?'' he got angry that I didn''t know about all the big blue birds helping him with the laundry). We seriously keep lists on our night stands, mine of stuff he says in his sleep, and his of stuff I mishear. We''re a sad pair, haha!

Sleep Talkin'' Man

DANGIT, I feel like I missed a major opportunity to profit off my lack of sleep! Thanks for the link--too funny!

 

[Irishgrrrl]

He sometimes leaves the results of his tooth-flossing activities all over the bathroom mirror. This morning was one of those times.

And then, guess who got to march into the bathroom with the Windex and a paper towel??? I''ll give ya a hint: It wasn''t DH!

 

[ts44]

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Date: 5/14/2010 4:38:02 AM
Author: elrohwen

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

OR, he''ll come in and take *ahem* himself and wiggle it at me. I''m like Get your SNOOD out of my face! Seriously, I know you''re proud of it, and maybe if I was a guy, I''d be proud too but heaven help me I''m fully aware that you have this appendage, it doesn''t need to do circus tricks for me to be aware of it.

LMAO
DH does his own version of this a few times a week before bed.

THIS. THIS. He walks up to me while I''m on the computer or reading and stands quietly there. If I haven''t turned around or said anything after about seven or eight seconds, he announces "I''m naked." At which point I turn around and yes, he is there, hands on hips looking at me proudly, and completely naked. Once I''ve made eye contact he waggles his eyebrows at me. Occasionally he will also wiggle at me as well. WTF are they thinking?

If he develops a whiff of a scratchy throat or the barest smidgin of a headache, he retires to the couch like a fainting Victorian maiden for the rest of the evening.

He loves a sale. A conversation we had last week:

Him: I''m going to the store, do you want anything?
Me: No, thank you for asking though...what are you going to get there?
Him: I need bread and milk.
Me: Ok have fun.
(two days later, in the car)
Him: Baby can we stop at the store?
Me: What for?
Him: I need bread.
Me: Sure, but didn''t you buy bread already this week?
Him: No, I was going to but they had a sale on frozen peas at the store and I forgot to buy the bread. It was a GREAT PRICE!

I go home, open the freezer, we have, I kid you not, TEN BAGS of frozen peas in there.

 

[zoebartlett]

Ts, my husband does the same thing. He went to the store the other day, and even though he''s trying to wean himself off soda, he came home with 5 cases of diet Pepsi (well, half cases). He was so excited that he found a deal, so he decided to stock up. Of course, he''ll go through it in no time probably, and then he''ll need to go back. Hopefully he''ll at least stock up on seltzer next instead of regular soda.

 

[PilsnPinkysMom]

My husband has the day off today. I''m in school full time + working. We have a houseguest coming tomorrow. I call him to say/ask, "I need help cleaning the house. I have a boatload of homework, won''t be home ''til late, and will be at school all day tomorrow. Can you take care of some things like a) put clean linens on guest bed b) scrub/sanitize bathrooms c) sweep floors."

What did he do? He spent the day driving all over town getting tools for a fence project planned two weeks from now.

Once he got home, he Weed-b-Gone''d the lawn, mowed the grass, and weed-whacked.

The house is a flipping disaster. He didn''t do so much as place a dish in the dishwasher.

I finally confronted him and he said, "I''ll help you clean, relax."

Umm... it''s 8:00 PM and I will be doing HW until midnight so I will not be doing ANY cleaning, and from the looks of it, neither will you...so our house will just be a total mess. Wonderful.

I do ALL THE FREAKING CLEANING! He won''t lift a finger, even when asked... and if he does, he does a total half-a$$ job & knows it. (ie: wipe counter down with water, skip cleaning tubs and toilets, won''t mop a floor, etc)

Wow. Sorry for the vent. I needed and outlet or WWIII was about to go down in Denver, CO.

 

[GoodSoul]

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

This thread is just too Hilarious!!! All too funny!! I laughed especially hard at Mrs Mitchell''s DH attempts to cook and Doodle''s Pedaling stories!!! Thanks for sharing/venting!!

DH does very much like Packrat''s DH too. He is very quiet person. Man with few words, even with his very good friends and family. However, when he is alone with me... he''ll become weird. He loves to make funny poses or some weird moves or dance moves. He would sing (horribly) when we watch American Idol. He would suddenly stand up and dance when we watch So You Think You Can Dance (ranges from very bad popping to bad ballet). It''s totally hilarious as NO ONE believes me when I told his best friends about the things he did.

Not to put him down entirely, he mimics "Peter" and "Stewie" from Family Guy very well.

 

[princesss]

Date: 5/28/2010 8:54:06 PM
Author: GoodSoul

Date: 5/13/2010 8:48:42 PM
Author: packrat
Mine will come up to me at random times, like when I''m sitting here at the computer, and not say anything. Just drop trou and stand there. Proudly. Chest puffed out like Superman-well, actually in the Superman stance, hands on hips, head looking to the side. I quit looking.

This thread is just too Hilarious!!! All too funny!! I laughed especially hard at Mrs Mitchell''s DH attempts to cook and Doodle''s Pedaling stories!!! Thanks for sharing/venting!!

DH does very much like Packrat''s DH too. He is very quiet person. Man with few words, even with his very good friends and family. However, when he is alone with me... he''ll become weird. He loves to make funny poses or some weird moves or dance moves. He would sing (horribly) when we watch American Idol. He would suddenly stand up and dance when we watch So You Think You Can Dance (ranges from very bad popping to bad ballet). It''s totally hilarious as NO ONE believes me when I told his best friends about the things he did.

Not to put him down entirely, he mimics ''Peter'' and ''Stewie'' from Family Guy very well.

I don''t know that I''d survive the fits of laughter I''d suffer through if BF ever tried any of this. I am so impressed with you ladies.

And PPM, you know I feel your pain. I am sick and went out with BF to get groceries. Came home, I went to lay down on the couch. BF put the groceries away. Only, he only put half of them away. The other half (including a tub of 0% Fage that cost us freaking $4.50!) he left on the counter. In the grocery bag. He buys beer and puts the whole CASE in the fridge! Then, when he only has 2 beers left, do you think he gets rid of it? NOPE! The stupid cardboard box still sits there, taking up valuable space.