Ladies, how do you feel about aging?

[iLander]

I'll be 51 soon.

There are some lines and wrinkles on my face, but I'm not the type to have any cosmetic surgery or treatments to fix them.
Plain old Oil of Olay works for me. I don't like the fact that I get weird aches and pains that I never had before.

I wanted to give a bit of advice to everyone for the aches and pains: Get thee to a physical therapist! Even if you have to pay out of pocket, it is WORTH it! Or tell your doctor you have "general weakness" and atrophy and that you want a PT referral so it is covered by insurance.

Ask for a "general weakness" plan, and they will give you an exercise plan that works miracles! Also mention any twinges and where they are. I had aches and pains, made noises when getting out of a chair, and pulled my back out pretty severely twice. I also had achy knees, and my dad's knee replacement made me act. It's just simple muscle atrophy, and DOES NOT have to be part of aging and it WILL get worse if you don't do anything about it. I have a simple program, using rubber bands and a mat, and it has made a huge difference in my life. It takes a half hour, and I do it three times a week at home. Go back 2-3 times after your initial visit so they can correct your form, or you'll just accidentally work the wrong muscles and it won't help you.

Do it NOW before the aches and pains graduate to joint issues, and before you are hurting.

I like the PT because they are geared to getting you to do it at home, unlike a gym. Also, they are doctors, so they know what will help long term.

I don't ache anymore, I can get up and down off the floor without any problem, my knees feel great (I now have thigh muscles ) and I can do stuff in the garden like I did when I was 30! My back is strong, and at first it was hard, but now it's easy. Well worth it!

One of the other PT patients is a real inspiration. She is 93 and does exercises at the clinic twice a week, even though she "graduated" years ago. She still comes in, just uses the equipment, and is so SPRY. I want to be her.

 

[Jambalaya]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

CJ, maybe you could make an appointment with a personal shopper. Department stores from Macy's up have them. If you explain to them what you just said here, I bet they'd be only too glad to help you with things that are not too young or old.

Thanks J!

I've actually done that here and there at Nordstrom like if I needed an outfit (since I like the style and the way many of the women working there look - or at least used to look - I've seen a few stragglers lately) I have to say the couple of times I did it - the last time a dress for a wedding - they steered me right...but other times they didn't and I ended up returning most of the stuff they recommended. But I realize that you could try several shoppers before you find one that you think gets you and makes recommendations that they think will really work, not because they're just trying to sell you. Maybe over the next few weeks I'll take a ride over there and have them guide me and see the looks they put together for me...the only problem I have with this - which would probably cause me a lot of anxiety - is if I don't find anything (or if I do but it's too expensive) I'd feel guilty if they spent time with me and I bought nothing.

ETA why do you think people share so much and so much detail with you? did you always attract this type of conversation / people often called you a good listener?

Hi CJ, I think it's because I give good feedback, very considered. I'm also not afraid to buck groupthink, such as "Thou shalt be over a major bereavement in 12 months." So I'm the person who will point out how utterly ridiculous a societal sentiment is that someone may be judging themselves by, for example. No one gives me the same considered feedback, of course, which is why I listed "self-reliance" in the "What makes you happy?" thread. Example: I'm with a friend yesterday who has all manner of problems, about which I've been supportive. But when it was my turn to speak, I'm right in the middle of a sentence and she suddenly yells and points over my shoulder, "Corgi! I love corgis!" Yeah, I get it. To you, what I'm saying is worth nothing and means nothing and doesn't even register on your radar unless we're talking about YOUR problems. Sorry, I just find 80% of people to be very selfish talkers and I'm sick of it. But maybe that's part of getting old. No one gives a cr*p about what you have to say. Either that, or the vast majority of people today simply do not possess social skills.

 

[CJ2008]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

CJ, maybe you could make an appointment with a personal shopper. Department stores from Macy's up have them. If you explain to them what you just said here, I bet they'd be only too glad to help you with things that are not too young or old.

Thanks J!

I've actually done that here and there at Nordstrom like if I needed an outfit (since I like the style and the way many of the women working there look - or at least used to look - I've seen a few stragglers lately) I have to say the couple of times I did it - the last time a dress for a wedding - they steered me right...but other times they didn't and I ended up returning most of the stuff they recommended. But I realize that you could try several shoppers before you find one that you think gets you and makes recommendations that they think will really work, not because they're just trying to sell you. Maybe over the next few weeks I'll take a ride over there and have them guide me and see the looks they put together for me...the only problem I have with this - which would probably cause me a lot of anxiety - is if I don't find anything (or if I do but it's too expensive) I'd feel guilty if they spent time with me and I bought nothing.

ETA why do you think people share so much and so much detail with you? did you always attract this type of conversation / people often called you a good listener?

Hi CJ, I think it's because I give good feedback, very considered. I'm also not afraid to buck groupthink, such as "Thou shalt be over a major bereavement in 12 months." So I'm the person who will point out how utterly ridiculous a societal sentiment is that someone may be judging themselves by, for example. No one gives me the same considered feedback, of course, which is why I listed "self-reliance" in the "What makes you happy?" thread. Example: I'm with a friend yesterday who has all manner of problems, about which I've been supportive. But when it was my turn to speak, I'm right in the middle of a sentence and she suddenly yells and points over my shoulder, "Corgi! I love corgis!" Yeah, I get it. To you, what I'm saying is worth nothing and means nothing and doesn't even register on your radar unless we're talking about YOUR problems. Sorry, I just find 80% of people to be very selfish talkers and I'm sick of it. But maybe that's part of getting old. No one gives a cr*p about what you have to say. Either that, or the vast majority of people today simply do not possess social skills.

I've been there...this has been my experience as well...I've been called a good listener, and have listened to people hours and hours...but this has never gotten too bad because I (purposely) do not have many friends at all. 1 or 2 is all I need and want...I have also provided help and an ear to people I know more casually but if I see they start abusing the privilege - and they often do (I've gone out to dinner with people who take up the WHOLE dinner talking about themselves without asking me ONE question about me) - I cut them out...but I would imagine if you have a lot of friends the being a good listener can get so much harder...

I have to also admit, though, that I am MUCH more comfortable listening, than talking - and often causes me anxiety if the spotlight is on me or if I have someone asking me a lot of questions - especially if it's not a very close friend I trust completely. So maybe I invite some of this one-sided stuff subconsciously...

 

[Arcadian]

Each day is a blessing because I didn't think I'd ever see 30, much less 40. My only hope is that when my time is done, whenever hat may be, that I feel that I really lived, and not just wished I had. Aging as you can probably tell, doesn't bother me in the least.

 

[lyra]

Count me in on not having an easy time finding clothes that I like. I'm old enough to wear certain types of clothes, but I'm not comfortable looking dressy, or business-y. I prefer t-shirt and jeans year round, but I balk at certain patterns that I feel are "old ladyish". I tend to stick with solid colour short sleeved shirts. I'm retired, so I can wear whatever I want. I can't wear any nice shoes because I have arthritis in my foot and heel. I wear running shoes mostly.

I don't want to wear anything that looks too young either. It's a transitional period I guess. I don't think it matters that much, but I do panic a bit when I have to dress for a special occasion. It takes such a long time to find shoes that will work. I think a lot of ladies have these kind of issues as they age, unless they are very lucky. The shoe issue is my biggest disappointment I think.

 

[jaysonsmom]

I'm feeling okay with aging so far. I'm 42, but feel 10 years younger. I just have to spend an hour 5-7 days a week in the gym to maintain my figure! I feel leaner and more attractive now than when I was in my 20's (when I still had baby fat), and I still get noticed by guys from teenagers to senior citizens. For me personally, aging brought more professional success, and hence more confidence which comes through in how I carry myself. I don't really have wrinkles yet (I stay away from sun) and a few gray hairs which I pluck out. Overall, I feel good, I feel that I'm in my prime right now.

 

[Jennifer W]

That feeling of invisibility, I've heard that a few times. Older women are invisible... it isn't necessarily inevitable, though. My grandmother had a lot of presence, she was highly visible until she died in her late 90s. My mother, now in her 70s, is much the same. They require and command attention, as I suspect they did all their lives. Not sexual attention, not the being noticed by men sort of attention, but the bigger, wider you need to take account of me, because I'm someone of consequence sort of attention.

I don't quite have that about me naturally, but I changed career a few years ago, and I need to have presence and authorit to do my job well. As part of my education, I was trained by professional actors to have presence, to take up the maximum amount of space, and to command attention and respect by my physical presence. If you feel invisible, I highly recommend taking some acting lessons!

 

[Jennifer W]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

Thank you, it's kind of you to say so!
I hear you on the clothes, btw. My ultimate solution was to re-train in a job that requires a uniform of sorts. That's work clothes taken care of!

 

[CJ2008]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

Thank you, it's kind of you to say so!
I hear you on the clothes, btw. My ultimate solution was to re-train in a job that requires a uniform of sorts. That's work clothes taken care of!

Well, I'm not sure if I'm giving myself an indirect compliment haha I just know that so many times I read your responses and I could have said the very same words.

And I have considered taking an improv class to help with presence and speaking on the spot - but never got around to it for a couple of different reasons.

My uniform is jeans - jeans with a tshirt, or jeans with a tank or jeans with a dressy top. I love jeans. But I just wish I knew what the heck else to wear. The other pants I gravitate toward are black slacks - but they feel so business-y - it's not that I don't like the look - but say to go to a wedding, or go out dancing it's not quite perfect. And I hate dresses on me, so...

 

[Sky56]

I hear a lot in the media and in personal stories how older women often feel "invisible."

I'm interested in hearing why and how those who feel this way do. I''ve never experienced that feeling. I have noticed less street harassment and flirty looks from men in general, but since I''ve been with my husband since age 31, I never paid attention to other men or how they looked at me.

Jewelry helps - Wedding rings keep all but the possibly very aggressive from being interested. I'm guessing part of that feeling of invisibility comes from perception of fading looks or discrimination in the workplace towards older people.

I know those feelings of invisibilty are real and valid to those feeling it...Would like to hear more. I actually feel much better now than I was young -- no longer feeling insecure, no longer the ego being stung when encountering certain types of people, no longer hanging with false friends, my work output has only improved with age (part-time work and long-loved hobbies and sports activity) The main change beyond the obviously visible I noticed from aging is an increase for the daily need to rest (Less physical stamina - normal but noticeable).

 

[mary poppins]

Menopause - great! It is so much easier to travel now.

Menopause is the bomb. I kid you not. But we do have to be careful of all the health risks that can crop up as part and parcel of The Change.

Could you please elaborate about what is so great about menopause? I've generally only heard negative things (hot flashes, moodiness, hormonal craziness) except getting rid of the monthly. I'm not there yet, so just curious.

 

[Sky56]

I think feeling great during menopause is uncommon among the people I know. They tell me their symptoms, how they don't feel healthy,or can't sleep.

I find it great mainly because I feel good,
am on no medications and I am still alive.

 

[KristyDarling]

I'm still trying to recover from the shock of realizing that I'm in my 40s. It seems like yesterday that I was in my teens and 20s! I just can't wrap my brain around how quickly the years have passed. As a result, I think I cherish and savor each day a lot more. I'm now aware of how quickly time flies, in a way that I wasn't before.

I guess I mostly just feel gratitude. I'm thankful that I get to live this life, with the people I love. So in terms of my own physical aging, I try not to dwell on it given the abundance of blessings in my life. Do I miss having a tight body and firm skin? Heck yeah! Do I like how my butt, eyelids, and cheeks are drooping toward the floor? NO, and I do feel self-conscious about it at times. I can't really wear eye makeup anymore because eye shadows look weird on my crepey eyelid skin. I don't wear the types of clothes that I wore 10 years ago because they look odd now with my soft-chub arms and varicose-veiny legs. But in general, I like myself, I have a certain confidence that I lacked in my 20s and most of my 30s, and most of all I feel like I'm making a positive impact in my family/community and in my profession.

A previous poster referred to a ready smile and bright eyes being the most charming thing -- I totally agree with that. IMHO, an old lady radiating warmth and kindness is infinitely more beautiful than a smokin' hot but conceited babe in her 20s. Not everyone will see that, but the people who matter to me, will. My husband tells me that I'm going to be "the cutest little old lady," and it makes me happy/proud to hear him say that. I just hope I'm lucky enough to enjoy this life for 40-50 more years!

 

[diamondringlover]

my honest opinion is that aging royally sucks.....

 

[Dancing Fire]

am on no medications and I am still alive.

The only thing that matters...

 

[HollyS]

Menopause - great! It is so much easier to travel now.

Menopause is the bomb. I kid you not. But we do have to be careful of all the health risks that can crop up as part and parcel of The Change.

Could you please elaborate about what is so great about menopause? I've generally only heard negative things (hot flashes, moodiness, hormonal craziness) except getting rid of the monthly. I'm not there yet, so just curious.

I have not experienced extreme moodiness, with the exception of a day here and there. And when I say moodiness, I mean depression not bitchiness. I get down in the dumps and wonder why, and then I will maybe spot a bit and know why. But it doesn't last more than 24 hrs or so.

Hot flashes aren't as bad as I had feared. I get a bit moist, but not drenched, and I go months without having any. I've not really experienced night sweats. Sleep is different, but it has stabilized so that I get as many good nights a week as the not-so-good ones.

I do get some migraines, but I'm lucky in that mine are easily handled with over the counter meds.

Currently, I'm going through some hair shedding. It worried me the first time, 2-3 yrs ago. But my hair returned to its pre-shedding thickness then, so . . . In the meantime, I double my Biotin supplements.

I was really, really getting sick toward the final years of normal menstrual cycles. I had been on birth control through my 30s and 40s because of the severity of my cycles. But I am doing menopause without hormones; it is a personal choice not to expose myself to the risks involved. So far, menopause has been wonderful compared to what I had been dealing with.

I do take supplements like Biotin, Folic Acid, B-12, Omega 3, Calcium. I can't tell you whether a drop in hormones has aged me, really. I have no more than a couple of gray hairs, and I would have a hint of jowliness at 56 anyway, wouldn't I?

Oh, and I get what my insurance carrier calls Well Woman exams every few years. Complete work ups. Everything looks good and healthy.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Holly are you running for President in 2016?

 

[apacherose]

My husband tells me that I'm going to be "the cutest little old lady," and it makes me happy/proud to hear him say that. !

That is such a funny and heartwarming sentiment.

I appreciated reading this thread. I can relate to many of the positive and crummy aspects of aging. I still feel like a kid in many ways on the inside, and yet, I'm faced with the reality of having to be the adult- my teenager coming to me with issues I still have not got the answers to. Having had a couple of hard years losing loved ones brings aging into a whole new perspective. I have young children, too, and was an 'advanced maternal age' with my last (gross! who came up with that medical terminology!?!)- we are so fortunate to have had her and I do try to appreciate each day but I am subtly aware that my inner drive at this point tends to be a yearning to move to the next phase of my life, instead of still being at home with little ones.

I definitely feel the 'invisible' thing. I try not to let it bother me, but, I am aware of it. I also notice how I inadvertently age myself just by my references- like an old lady- I hate that. I joined a gym and bought a little starter package of lessons; this is very scary for me as I hate the attention and am mortified at the thought of someone in my face as I am working out, but, I fell for the sales pitch when I signed up, I guess...I was uneasy at first during the lesson, but then when we went to familiar territory I exclaimed 'oh, good, I love the nautilus machines!" My trainer laughed and said something about how 'old school' nautilus was, and how I must have worked out back in the day.... Whatever. To me it was like saying 'Kleenex' for tissue ... but, I was so demoralized when I realized how to him he was just training this old lady.... ugh. Only a few more sessions to go and then I will just be able to put on my music and do my workout in la la land.

 

[HollyS]

Holly are you running for President in 2016?

Oh, my, no. It's already a major cluster, don't you think? The RNC has already had to tell Trump to shut it. Someone please reassure me that he cannot possibly still be around come primary time . . . please.

 

[iLander]

The Physical Therapy exercises (that I mentioned earlier in this thread) have whittled my waist, so I bought these stretchy Ralph Lauren dresses. I think they're awesome, this is a new style out there called "Fit n Flare" you ladies might want to check out. They're everywhere and very flattering.

I also wear various colors of collared shirt, with various shorts n jeans. Uniqlo jeans are awesome if you can get them, they're stretchy and hemming is free. H&M has a fantastic line of collared shirts, they run small (I'm usually a 6, but I wear a 10 in these) but they are girl-shaped. Ralph also has a new line of oxfords and denim shirts that fit VERY nicely, again with some stretch to them. I chose bright blues and greens, because they bring out my eyes.

The shorts are GOLF SHORTS. If you guys haven't discovered these, they're awesome, elastic waist, comfy and not long like bermudas. Costco also has a line of elastic waist Gloria Vanderbuilt shorts that are a bit long, but comfy and easy to wear.

I NEVER wear capris, they just make me look short and why visually cut off your legs? I also never wear white pants. I see so many elderly ladies around here in giant white pants, even if they're tiny, I vowed never to do it. It's my particular taste, which probably no one else would agree with.

I may be in the second half of my century, but there's no reason I can't TRY to look classy.

 

[makemepretty]

I hate it! I'm not that superficial, I don't wear that much makeup(I'm a more "me but better") It's just so hard.

In my household is a girl who's 20 so the difference is so obvious. I just turned 44. I've had two kids. I don't really have a choice, I'm going to age. I do dye my roots, I wear sunscreen, I eat almost nothing because it's so easy to gain weight now! Plus, my sister who is 10 years younger keeps having plastic surgery....3 lipo's and ultherapy just done.

On a positive note, my husband thinks I'm beautiful and tells me every single day. I don't want to look old but I'm starting to, no matter what I do to try to prevent it. There is no 70 year old who's mistaken for 30....no matter how much work they have done.

 

[House Cat]

I thought I would be really upset about being 40. I agonized for a few weeks before my birthday, but now that I am 40, I love it! I am really in the best season of my life yet! I still look very good! My body isn't failing me. My hair is good, skin good, mind is still functioning well, and I am able to be active. My family is young and loving and we are still very close and bonded. I am filled with gratitude.

Would I like to improve things? Yep! I could go for a skin resurfacing and a personal trainer. New boobs would be fantastic too! But what I am saying is that nothing is failing and I am still healthy and I wake up every morning happy. This is good stuff!

The only thing I don't like about getting older is the fact that time seems to go by so fast. One day you wake up and 20 years is gone. I think about that often. I know I will wake up soon and I will be 60 and I won't know where that time went, then I will wake up again and I will be 80! Then I begin to have a panic attack. I want to hold on to every minute. I want to savor every minute of this life. I hate that it is going by so quickly.

 

[missy]

I thought I would be really upset about being 40. I agonized for a few weeks before my birthday, but now that I am 40, I love it! I am really in the best season of my life yet! I still look very good! My body isn't failing me. My hair is good, skin good, mind is still functioning well, and I am able to be active. My family is young and loving and we are still very close and bonded. I am filled with gratitude.

Would I like to improve things? Yep! I could go for a skin resurfacing and a personal trainer. New boobs would be fantastic too! But what I am saying is that nothing is failing and I am still healthy and I wake up every morning happy. This is good stuff!

The only thing I don't like about getting older is the fact that time seems to go by so fast. One day you wake up and 20 years is gone. I think about that often. I know I will wake up soon and I will be 60 and I won't know where that time went, then I will wake up again and I will be 80! Then I begin to have a panic attack. I want to hold on to every minute. I want to savor every minute of this life. I hate that it is going by so quickly.

This is so true and exactly how I feel. I love the age I am (almost 50) and I love my life. However the time is absolutely flying by and as we get older the time goes even faster. Just yesterday I was 30. It is the only real thing about getting older that terrifies me. I too want to hold onto every single moment and enjoy my life and my loved ones. It is going too fast.

 

[momhappy]

Aging sucks.
I mean, obviously it's better than the alternative, but that doesn't make it suck any less.
My DH asks me all of the time how it feels to be the hottest woman in the room and I finally asked him to stop saying that because I'm aging every. darn. day. and before I know it, I won't be so "hot" any more (not that I think that I am particularly hot, but I guess to him I am).
I'm 40-something and I'd consider myself to be somewhat high-maintenance when it comes to my appearance. I spend a fair amount of time & money on clothes, hair, makeup, gym, etc. I work out almost every day of the week in some way and I am careful with what I eat. I'm completely satisfied with my weight (always have been), but things get harder to "maintain" every year.
I'm scared about what the future will bring (in terms of my looks). I can't bear the thought of looking old - not to mention feeling old.

 

[soocool]

How do I feel about aging? Well, I have been aging ever since I was born and I think that I have learned and experienced something new every day, especially about myself. I will be 60 next year and to me that means I begin to collect Social Security in a few years and my DH will retire and we will spend more time doing what we want to do when we want to. I have become more tolerant of people, not because I am older and wiser, but because I really do not care as long as other people's actions do not affect me adversely.

I find that as I get older, I am much stronger than I have ever imagined. I survived the illnesses and deaths of both my parents, a few of my friends and their spouses, and my sister's illness. I do not focus on that I am not a perfect size 6 anymore or that "the girls" have gone south. Believe it or not, guys still hit on me, much to my surprise. I care about how I look, but accept the few fine lines that have crept up and chalk it up to leading a fulfilling and happy life.

So I guess I really do not have any real positive or negative feelings about aging. I just accept it and love that I am still here to enjoy every aspect of life around me, especially my family.

 

[missy]

How do I feel about aging? Well, I have been aging ever since I was born and I think that I have learned and experienced something new every day, especially about myself. I will be 60 next year and to me that means I begin to collect Social Security in a few years and my DH will retire and we will spend more time doing what we want to do when we want to. I have become more tolerant of people, not because I am older and wiser, but because I really do not care as long as other people's actions do not affect me adversely.

I find that as I get older, I am much stronger than I have ever imagined. I survived the illnesses and deaths of both my parents, a few of my friends and their spouses, and my sister's illness. I do not focus on that I am not a perfect size 6 anymore or that "the girls" have gone south. Believe it or not, guys still hit on me, much to my surprise. I care about how I look, but accept the few fine lines that have crept up and chalk it up to leading a fulfilling and happy life.

So I guess I really do not have any real positive or negative feelings about aging. I just accept it and love that I am still here to enjoy every aspect of life around me, especially my family.

Yes, now that I have turned 50 I have some more thoughts to add on aging. I don't feel 50 whatever 50 is supposed to feel like that is. I feel good. In my head I feel 25 still. Do I look as good as I did when I was 20 or 30 or even 40? No. I am not kidding myself with regards to appearance. Like momhappy I work at maintaining my appearance as best I can but let's face it. Some things are out of our control so we just do the best we can.

The one thing that getting older has given me is the wisdom and serenity to accept what is without being overly frustrated by what changes are happening that are simply beyond my control. I am at peace with who I am as a person. On the inside where it counts. And I am not going to lie and say my appearance does not matter because it does to me *but* I also know it is not who I am and that my dh and loved ones love me for who I am and not what I look like and I also accept me for who I am faults and all and yes I know I have plenty of faults LOL.

So while I will continue doing my best to keep my appearance the best it can be I know it doesn't matter when it comes right down to it. Being kind, thoughtful, loving and caring that's what really matters. Doing as much good in the world as I can and trying to leave the world a little better than it was before I was in it.

Time goes so very fast that it seems wasteful to spend much energy and time on worrying how one's appearance is changing as we age. Instead I hope to focus all my energy on enjoying life as it is and enjoying time spent with my dh and all my loved ones. Enjoying each day to the fullest and living in the moment with not so much energy used for worrying about things I cannot change. The last 2 years (I have been through the proverbial ringer these last 2 years so I feel like I can say this) have given me a unique perspective on life and acceptance and doing the best I can to enjoy and cherish my time here with my loved ones. How grateful I am that I am able to be here to do this.

I wish you all peace and acceptance as we age. Really there is no good alternative regarding this so I happily and gratefully accept this opportunity to be able to grow old g-d willing healthfully alongside my dh and know I am the best me I have ever been. Not with regards to superficial appearance but with who I am and that is what really counts.

 

[LLJsmom]

Sucks. But truly there are pros and cons.

Pros:
1. So easy to say NO. I used to care a lot more about what people thought of me. Nowadays, unless they are very close family and friends that I love and cherish, I have no problem not doing what they think I should, or want me to. It's extremely empowering and liberating.
2. I have learned what is important to me and am not afraid to pursue it. In the past 6-7 years I have discovered I am a lot stronger than I ever realized, and what has been holding me back is me, my head. I need to get out of my own way.
3. Letting the little things go with less struggle. Not everything has to be a battle.
4. Actually having good advice for my kids.
5. Really appreciate jewelry now. I never wore jewelry until 2012. It was like a switch that someone just turned on. Now I love it and lov looking, shopping, thinking about it, everything.

Cons:
1. Failing eyesight. On multifical lenses now. Grrrrr.... So annoying trying to find the right distance to hold something I order to read it.
2. Slower metabolism. WTF? Overnight?? Why can't I eat the way I used to?!?!
3. Slower to recover from injury. I'm a runner and I always have injuries. But this freaking tendinitis is soooo annoying. And when I get over this it will be something new that I never knew I could injure. So much longer to heal up!
4. Needing more sleep. Since when did I need 8 hours to function really well? I could go most of a week on 5 a night, and now I am wreck if I do it two nights in a row.
5. Hearing. Hard to hear unless people enunciate.
6. Loss of flexibility, needing to stretch after workouts. Used to NEVER stretch but I actually need it now. What?!?!?
7. Time flies. My son just got taller than me this summer. How the hell did THAT happen?
8. Make up actually makes a difference. In the past I could count on one hand the number of days I would put on make up in a year. This year, I actually put on make up 5-7 days in a month. OMG. I hope this does not continue. It totally clogs up my pores.

Enough? I'll probably remember more later, but now that I am turning 44, I will have forgotten most everything...

 

[LLJsmom]

Can't have caffeine after 2 pm if I want to stay asleep that night. Sucks.

 

[ennui]

I hear a lot in the media and in personal stories how older women often feel "invisible."

I'm interested in hearing why and how those who feel this way do. I''ve never experienced that feeling. I have noticed less street harassment and flirty looks from men in general

It's not about men. It's about society. For example, store clerks will help younger women first, as if they didn't see me (and maybe they didn't, even though they looked right at me). I walked into the library a few minutes before closing, and the librarians didn't notice. Invisible.

Now, if this invisibility were something I could count on, I could use my superpower for truth, justice and freedom.

On a more serious note, things I haven't seen mentioned. Grey hair and wrinkles never hurt anyone, but having your loved ones die off ahead of you is painful. People you've known your whole life, and knew you, are gone. You are a stranger in the world. Worrying about money and whether you will outlive your savings. Worrying about finding the right doctors, and not just unethical people prescribing useless tests to pad their insurance billings.

Etc.

The things LLJsmom mentioned. Failing eyesight. Taking longer to heal. Sleeping more (which I actually enjoy). Foods I once enjoyed with abandon are now punishing. Etc.

 

[azstonie]

The invisibility factor is seen in trendy popular places to dine out, women over 40 aren't particularly sought after in these places, LOL, or they get a lousy seat by the kitchen. It comes when you walk into say a party and heads no longer turn; that phenomenon is noticed by most women as they get older, they no longer can command a room simply by being in it. Unless you become obscenely wealthy and even then, still questionable. Trying to get waited on in stores as an older woman versus young and attractive.

I held up really well until about 45, then I started to see aging happening. From 45-55 its just been one flipping thing after another which I won't enumerate because the fact is even though I'm not young and pretty any more I"M STILL HERE!!!!