Ladies, how do you feel about aging?

[Laila619]

In a society that is very youth and looks oriented (especially towards women), how do you feel about getting older? Do you embrace it? Do you angst about it? Do you still feel sexy and beautiful? Do you feel like you have to "compete" with younger women? Does your spouse/SO make you feel attractive? Please share your thoughts!

 

[Sky56]

Great question - Seeing the positive has been good for me.

1. I'm happy about my age mainly because I'm not dead yet. I'm big on being a survivor. I want to die at an advanced age (if my body and mind are intact enough, of course). My next birthday is 60.

2. I like to look good but never bought into the beauty game. I've never worn make-up, high heels, nail polish or fashionable things except for a few adventures with eye make-up and nail polish when I was 15.. I don't feel pressure about being or looking young. My hair is grey and my skin looks very young, no wrinkles so I am pleased. An older person with bright eyes and a ready smile seems to charm almost everyone, so I don't care about losing my youth...except that it means I'm closer to death.

3. Not harboring jealousy towards anyone. That beautiful, sexy 19-year-old I see? Well, if she is lucky, she'll be 59 too in a blink of an eye, and if she is as healthy and happy as I am, then she will be lucky.

4. Menopause - great! It is so much easier to travel now.

5. Lest I sound too happy, there is a downside...every day you are closer to the inevitable...decline and death. But enjoy the ride while you can and eat healthy and get enough rest. As for sexy, I've always enjoyed sex, but have never felt very sexy per se because I'm a "brainy" type who doesn't focus much on the body or sensuality. (News junkie, artist type whose mind is always on non-sexy things).

 

[lyra]

The only thing that really bothers me about aging is the physical problems that crop up. I feel liberated enough to embrace my grey hair and to grow it long like I prefer. I wear what I want, and if it's for comfort, so be it. I wear less makeup than ever before because I find that less is more after 50. I couldn't stand the pain and anxiety involved with plastic surgery, so that's not an option for me, even if it was something I could afford. By "afford" I also mean prioritize. There are other things I'd spend that money on before altering my body. I'd rather just enjoy the time I have left. I look young for my age. My sister who is 5 years older than me, looks about 70, from a lifetime of smoking, drinking and suntanning. I'm okay with where I'm at. Also, if my husband doesn't have to worry about how society perceives him as he ages, why should it bother me?

 

[Jennifer W]

I am rather enjoying it, to be honest. I don't feel as though my professional field in the country where I live does particularly value looks or youth, and I'm being taken more seriously these days. It's inconsistent - I'm 40, but am occasionally refused wine in supermarkets, so clearly I don't look elderly quite yet, but on the other hand, I don't do anything to try to stay looking younger. I quite relish my grey streak. Judges have stopped calling me 'miss' in the last year or so, which is a relief. I feel like I'm a proper grown up now and I'm looking forward to being a grand old lady one day soon.
Eta, I don't compete with anyone, younger or not. And I don't mind whether anyone thinks I'm attractive or not - I'm not here to be looked at, particularly. I don't need to feel attractive. I prefer respect to admiration these days I don't feel sexy and beautiful, because I'm not - it's not a function of ageing, just not something I ever saw as or wanted as part of my identity.

 

[kmarla]

I feel pretty comfortable getting older for the most part except for some extra weight that I struggle to lose. I'm in my mid fifties. The biggest angst appearance wise I've experienced recently is making the huge decision to stop colouring my hair and discover what Mother Nature has given me. I was genuinely curious, and figured that if I hate it, I'll just color it again. It took about eight months of blending, adding lowlights etc, but now I'm completely natural and quite grey/white I just had my hair cut into a really short sassy bob and I love it. For me the trick is having a stylish cut so that the grey doesn't age me too much or look frumpy. I've actually received a lot of compliments, which really surprised me since I was worried that this might be a really bad idea! I'm lucky so far that I don't have too many wrinkles yet. My husband is fairly good with compliments....not as many as when we were younger, but they still happen. I don't feel like I have to compete with younger women but I still want to look good for my age. I think that's one of the advantages of getting older in that you're more accepting of yourself and others, and not so prone to be self-critical.

 

[CJ2008]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

 

[missy]

I'm good with it.

I have gray hair. My body is not as firm and youthful as it was. My skin not as lovely and clear. Yet I still feel good with aging and in fact say bring it on because aging means I am growing old with my dh and we are enjoying our lives together. It is a privilege to be able to grow old. They often say youth is wasted on the young and I am not going to let old age be wasted on us and hope to enjoy our old age together and hope we remain healthy enough to do so.

My dh tells me he loves me every single day and tells me how beautiful I am and I know through his eyes that is truly how he sees me and how I see him. However let's be honest neither of us are as objectively beautiful as we were decades ago when we first met but to each other all we see is that we are beautiful because we love each other and the life we have together. We are happy and *happy* is beautiful.

It helps that I have a strong sense of self and a strong self confidence and good body image. That all helps. It helps that my looks don't and never have defined who I am as a person. I am much more than my physical appearance and have always known and internalized that. And it also helps that I am not looking for perfection as I once was in my twenties. Another big plus of getting older is the wisdom and acceptance that comes with it. So as I said before, Bring it on.

 

[Jambalaya]

Ha, good question. I feel as if I'm standing at the top of a hill looking down the slope of old age, which hasn't quite happened yet. So I'm fine with where I am at the moment, but if I'm going to age badly I don't think I would like that. In terms of looks, I have never competed with anybody, so no worries there. I do remember what it was like to be 20 and have skin like an alabaster statue and to weigh 110 pounds.....and I also remember the complete, utter lack of respect that society shows very young women. I don't miss that at all. Life experiences have left their mark and I do feel I'm more respected because of that. Like someone commented, I would much rather have respect then admiration, because the former was in very short supply when I was young. And the effort to get men to care even a little bit about your personality when you're a 20-year-old hottie....no thanks. Don't miss it.

In terms of looks, if I feel I've done my best to protect my skin, then I think I'd be OK with whatever happens to my face. I wouldn't be happy if I felt I'd thrown my looks away with fast living, which I haven't. And my mother always looked good I think, even though she was relatively old when she died. If I looked like her, I'd be good with that.

I will tell you one thing I am finding really hard about aging. The horrendous problems of others. The lives of people all around me are falling apart and they all want to tell me about it in excruciating detail. I find that very hard, probably the hardest aspect of aging so far. They are problems that I cannot fix, such as friends experiencing multiple bereavements in one family, cancer, the discussions of abusive childhoods impacting on them today, current domestic marital violence....it's very hard to take joy in your own life listening to all that.

I try to look on the bright side of things and take pleasure in everyday joys, but it's hard when others continually spoil it all. That's the worst part of aging, for me, who is trying to enjoy life while I still have my health.

 

[Jambalaya]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

CJ, maybe you could make an appointment with a personal shopper. Department stores from Macy's up have them. If you explain to them what you just said here, I bet they'd be only too glad to help you with things that are not too young or old.

 

[dk168]

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

DK

 

[CJ2008]

not great.

even though I'm smart enough and aware enough to know that the most attractive thing would be to embrace it, and to like myself just as I am, I can't help but feel more and more invisible each day.

but like jenniferw said (jennifer, so often you say things that resonate with me) the invisible comes from always having felt a need or desire to be attractive to the opposite sex - the older I get the more I realize that even if I am attractive and in good shape for my age, take care of myself, etc. I will never be as hot as I was when I was younger.

so it's really a self esteem thing mixed in with the aging thing.

but i refuse to give up and continue to take care of myself anyway. as long as dh still finds me attractive - which he does - i hold on to that.

but i miss a lot of things about being younger - mostly, the clothes and the hair, and all the things i used to be able to wear that would look ridiculous now. i just kind of feel like so many things look too "young" or on the other extreme too old ladyish or conservative and I don't know what to wear half the time.

CJ, maybe you could make an appointment with a personal shopper. Department stores from Macy's up have them. If you explain to them what you just said here, I bet they'd be only too glad to help you with things that are not too young or old.

Thanks J!

I've actually done that here and there at Nordstrom like if I needed an outfit (since I like the style and the way many of the women working there look - or at least used to look - I've seen a few stragglers lately) I have to say the couple of times I did it - the last time a dress for a wedding - they steered me right...but other times they didn't and I ended up returning most of the stuff they recommended. But I realize that you could try several shoppers before you find one that you think gets you and makes recommendations that they think will really work, not because they're just trying to sell you. Maybe over the next few weeks I'll take a ride over there and have them guide me and see the looks they put together for me...the only problem I have with this - which would probably cause me a lot of anxiety - is if I don't find anything (or if I do but it's too expensive) I'd feel guilty if they spent time with me and I bought nothing.

ETA why do you think people share so much and so much detail with you? did you always attract this type of conversation / people often called you a good listener?

 

[chrono]

Although I notice the pressure to be hot and attractive by the media and in society, I ignore it. I do not see any need to "compete" with other women, or anyone else for that matter. DH still finds me attractive and that's all that matters. As one gets older, I think self confidence makes a person more noticeable.

 

[Tekate]

Hello Laila.. I am 62.. old old old.. but how I feel about aging is a good question. Of course I am happy I am here, my brother just died a month ago at 58 so I feel lucky to be here in a way.

Looks... well you can't really stop changes in looks unless one goes for major work.. I'm happy enough looking 62. I dye my hair because my husband likes it that way, I think while he's almost totally grey he sees me as younger.

Health... I've had both hips replaced so I feel good, but I need to lose weight, all my life this has been a problem, the other day I was thinking that the only thing I look forward to in death is not feeling like I am not thin!!.. I am soooo tired of that.

My husband is 65 and he thinks I'm beautiful.. I think he is great so we are happy

I have become wiser - and I love that!

I would only like to be young again if music were on the radio and there was a feeling of 'revolution' in the air like in the 60s and 70s when I was a young woman.. I have 2 millenials and while I love them to pieces I feel a little sad for them that they have never felt really being part of change (although my older son was elated when the first black president was elected)... my kids say racism is my generation's problem

Regrets, only one BIG one, I should have gone to medical school.. that was me chickening out.. I didn't want to spend the time, but I regret that.

I am at peace pretty much, feel pretty good and feel loved.. I am lucky..

I plan to get a facelift (j/k on that)

 

[iLander]

It beats the alternative.

 

[distracts]

I'm not there yet, but I TRY not to worry about it - especially since I personally feel like women hit their peak attractiveness in their 40s/50s, and know many women older than that who I still think are really attractive, just, you know, in a different way than younger women. I think older women often have a confidence and radiance that younger women lack. I dunno.

 

[Dee*Jay]

As far as I'm concerned here on PS we're all 25 with perfect skin, perky t!ts, fabulous hair and a kick a$$ sense of style! That's why I love it here!

 

[CJ2008]

As far as I'm concerned here on PS we're all 25 with perfect skin, perky t!ts, fabulous hair and a kick a$$ sense of style!

hahahaha

Don't forget, loaded!

 

[HollyS]

If you were to compare a photo of me now . . . and a photo of my mother at this age (56) . . . the difference would amaze you. And that is not to say that I'm aging a la Demi Moore or anything. I just think the late boomer generation (mine), and those that come after us, will look younger and act younger. It's our mindset vs. the rather restrictive rules of behavior for previous generations, maybe?? That, and I refuse to wear Alfred Dunner separates with sensible shoes.

Menopause is the bomb. I kid you not. But we do have to be careful of all the health risks that can crop up as part and parcel of The Change.

But the freedom that comes from being old enough to say "Screw it" to anything I don't want to do . . . priceless.

I want to age gracefully, not constantly fend it off by keeping a vigilante guard against wrinkles, fat, and gravity. Life's too short to pretend to be 35 forever.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

This is actually a question that is asked on a grief assessment I give to patients so clearly it can be a common issue for folks. I have a mixed reaction. I look younger than I am (by ten years) so that helps. If I looked my age or older, I would probably be depressed. Sometimes I will long for my younger body, younger hair, younger skin...not enough to do any medical interventions. Yet...

 

[Dancing Fire]

Is this the over 50 thread?..

 

[anne_h]

I'm okay with it. I accept it.

I'm 37 so feel the bulk of the changes are still ahead of me. Even so, I have seen changes to date. I don't love them (hello rosacea), but I can work with them.

I definitely don't feel competition with younger women. There will always be younger women, there's a fresh crop every year. That's an impossible game. Plus, I've already had my turn. We all have our turns. Then it's time to move on to something else.

I focus on what I can control about my appearance. I enjoy playing with fashion and jewelry, that's fun.

BTW, two words - sunscreen & shade!

Anne

 

[jordyonbass]

Don't feel too bad about aging ladies, I've been getting called for being in my 40's since I was 22 years old. I've been ravaged by the sun and nature for 20 years, my body is aging quicker than I am.

I'll be getting asked for my seniors pension card before I am 30

 

[Dancing Fire]

BTW, two words - sunscreen & shade!

Anne

Stay away from the sun!.. Most American women love the sun unlike most Asian women they try to avoid the sun.

 

[NOYFB]

So many have given such great responses, and I agree with them all. I will be 47 in 2 months and I have to say that I've felt more "alive" and in touch with myself and who I am more than I ever did in my 20s and 30s. I don't have a lot of wrinkles (yet) so I still get mistaken for being much younger, but I've recently begun coloring my hair grey/silver because I think it looks cool.

I'm definitely a lot more comfortable in my own skin and have developed a real "I don't give a *#%$" attitude about what people think about me, which is something that I most definitely did not have in my younger years, as I struggled with self confidence and self judgement and constantly compared myself with other women when I was younger.

The only issue I have is that I work in healthcare and I see what advanced age and disease does to the body every day and I know that I don't want to spend my advanced years in a hospital or nursing home. I do my best to keep myself healthy, but I know I could do better.

 

[Phoenix]

I. HATE. IT!!

There, I said it! Lol

I don't particularly feel more wise, having been brainy all my life. Ageing means = wrinkles, sagging and dry skin, dry eyes, less thick and luscious hair etc...I was considered "very hot" and even though I'm still considered hot, I feel less so. I work out a lot just to maintain my weight (though I have to say I do enjoy and have always enjoyed exercising tremendously).

I also have to wear foundation to make sure my skin looks flawless and even, whereas I never used to wear a drop of foundation until just a year or so ago. I don't like how it feels on my skin! I also have to wear more make-up so I don't look like I haven't slept for decades! And don't even get me started on how much I spend on my hair these days!

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel jealous of young girls. I'd just like to be myself but in my 30's or even early 40's - I had all the success, academic and professional and the fit lean lithe body with a smooth wrinkle free fresh face and long thick flowy hair.

And I had absolutely no health issues whatsoever until a few years ago!

Ok, I'll stop whining now!! Ha ha

 

[stracci2000]

I'll be 51 soon.

I feel like I'm in a weird kind of limbo. I still like the things I liked when I was a kid. I still feel young.
My brain still thinks I am 16, but I'm not sure who that old lady in the mirror is!
I try to dress well and keep my weight down. I have never colored my hair and it is about 1/2 white now. I get a lot of compliments on it, actually.

There are some lines and wrinkles on my face, but I'm not the type to have any cosmetic surgery or treatments to fix them.
Plain old Oil of Olay works for me. I don't like the fact that I get weird aches and pains that I never had before.

Men still look at me, but most of them are my age or older!
So I guess I am OK with aging, so far.........

 

[Madam Bijoux]

If you can't control it,ignore it.

 

[arkieb1]

It sucks. Being a woman it's true you become invisible after a certain age which in a lot of ways also sucks but in other ways is liberating because you learn not to give a c@#* about what other people think of you. I've never thought of it in terms of competing with younger women or more attractive women I just noticed in my mid 30s people stopped noticing me any more (I am in my mid 40s now).

When your friends get sick with things like cancer and so on you learn there is more to life ie health and happiness than just how you appear on the outside. And when family members get really old like your parents and become less capable generally that also puts, life, death and everything in between into perspective.

 

[JaneSmith]

How do I feel about aging? It ****ing sucks. I say that with no real antipathy, because I am a biological organism and it is inevitable that I and all living things will age and die. I accept it, and relish the opportunities to learn and the confidence that life experience brings. I feel comfortable in my own saggy wrinkly skin. I wish humans lived longer and with less health problems, and I certainly do not relish the thought of becoming a demented wizened husk.
I sometimes wish I looked as good as I did when I was younger, sure, but I do not begrudge the young their youth, or feel too ugly when standing next to one.
If there was some kind of anti-ageing pill, I'd take it.

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I think about aging when I look at my Mom. She just turned 80 and I realize her goodness might not be around forever. My Mom has beautiful hair and skin and no wrinkles!

I've spent my most of life trying to keep myself well and therefore avoid the outcomes associated with poor health choices which tend to be exacerbated with aging. I am fit and lean and eat as well as possible. I have never smoked and am fastidious about my teeth. I try to promote health principles for my family as well--they take what they want and leave the rest. I know I can't control the biology associated with aging, but I can work to be the best I can for that age. And worrying about what is coming doesn't help, so I don't. The irony is--I have arthritis associated with exercise and tore a ligament in shoulder golfing. Can't win them all.

I was in good shape when I met my husband--and my livelihood was never dependent on my looks, therefore I an unconcerned with what he or others think of my appearance. I possess self confidence and perhaps that has some appeal. I like to dress well and know what flatters and believe I apply make up properly. I highlight my hair and have done this all my life--it is very natural in appearance and flatters with the grey hair. It's all good.

Of course my DH tells me I am beautiful--but he is my husband--that is part of his job! And if he thinks others are beautiful--then good for him; it has nothing to do with me but more importantly, is has absolutely no reflection on how he feels about me. I think others are beautiful also!!

cheers--Sharon