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Just curious: What to say if people ask how much you paid

I find it very rude when people I don't know well ask personal questions, such as what religion I am, or my salary, or how much I paid for something large I own (such as a house, car, piece of jewelry.) I have had all of these questions asked of me, multiple times.

The reason it's rude is because people judge you based on your answers, and those judgements can have a real impact on your life. Some people say they don't care what others think of them, but there can be very real consequences to being judged, such as being left out of social events, not getting jobs, etc. There's a thousand little (and big) ways for people to harm you if they've decided they don't like you. And knowing your personal details (like religion, political party, race, financial means, etc) can lump you into the category of "other" for many people. And that can have real impact on your life, like it or not.
 
Bravissimo said:
I worry people will make assumptions. Like she’s a snob. Or she’s a materialist.
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+1 to everyone saying don't worry about what other people think. =)

RunningwithScissors said:
The reason it's rude is because people judge you based on your answers, and those judgements can have a real impact on your life.
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I hear this and I think many times those questions are rude or passive-aggressive, but I think some people are asking innocently, in the same way they might say, Where did you get that cool sweater? What's rude then in that case imho is if that person takes offense when you don't want to answer.
 
To answer the original question posted -- "have you ever had someone ask how much you spent on jewelry?" Yes.

My husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. We were just getting to know this couple. We went to a lovely upscale restaurant, we were all dressed nicely. I was wearing a modern art jade necklace by designer Patricia Von Musulin. Its a nice piece, decent quality jade (not superb jade, but decent enough.)

The wife of the couple we went out with point blank asked me how much I paid for the necklace. It came out of nowhere, no lead up to it. At first I thought I had heard her incorrectly, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She repeated her question. I was completely blindsided by this. So I stammered out that it cost $2,000 in the late 1990's.

She looked aghast and said I was "ripped off," that jade shouldn't cost that much and asked if I had had it appraised after I purchased it. I said I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me that she could have purchased multiple jade necklaces from World Market for that amount and that I really should be more careful with my finances, that I was a silly young girl.

I tried to explain that my necklace was an art piece created by a designer whose's work is held in major museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I purchased the necklace not because it was a bargain, but because I was in love with its unique modern art style that I couldn't find anywhere else.

The rest of the evening and all future times I saw her (we overlap in the local community) she's treated me like I'm a complete idiot who is easily hoodwinked. I know I've been passed over for some community leadership roles because this woman thinks I'm a fool.

The reality is that I am in extremely good financial shape because of smart planning, discipline and hard work. But I am not flashy, I don't wear Hermes handbags or drive a Mercedes.

Oh, and by the way, that necklace has appreciated in value, and I was even contacted by the designer's workshop to ask if I would be willing to lend it to a retrospective exhibit being planned (pre-Covid - I don't know if it will still happen or not.)
 
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Sometimes when p
MamaBee said:
My DIL has been swiping my ring off my finger and wearing it for a bit when we see them. She is so funny. The last time she had it on she pretended to grab her purse and run off with it. :lol: A few visits before that she asked me in front of my son and husband how much it cost. I hesitated but I answered. My son said out loud that I shouldn’t wear it when we see them. Of course he was kidding. This last visit I found out she’s getting an upgrade. :lol: If anyone other than my immediate family asked me I would say,”I hope so!”. No one asked me though. I had a very close friend recently wask me if my earrings were real. I just told her yes. If a stranger asked me if my ring was real it would depend on who it was. I probably would say it wasn't real.
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i think this is a good example of people trying to simply figure out if their dreams could ever be attainable. I know PS can be tricky for me because sometimes I admire without having a clue if I could afford whatever is on display. Sometimes it takes a bit of research. Asking would be easier and faster but I know it “simply isn’t done”. Good question OP.
 
Caveat: I don't own diamond jewelry in the many tens of thousands and up.

You have to judge the inquiry and respond accordingly- if they're fishing, and what they're fishing for. The rude or judgmental- I give just a touch of acerbic wit in return.
Mostly when people(usually older)ask they're not really looking for the number or cost, they're looking to see if there is a triumphant story about what manner of deal you got, the piece itself, or if it's inherited (and the story there). Also, if you actually had to wade into a river of fire to obtain it. That's more important than the object/cost itself.
Most people aren't looking for origin and specs(for my CS)- but when they do, I give them.
Then we'll swap stories about other tangential cost-adventures and it's a nice few minutes that they get to ogle your pretties appreciatively without feeling like an imposition.
If people(usually younger)are asking if it's real or not, I tell them, a) because I really don't mind b) they want to know if they can have something just like it that's beautiful too. It's not much different than helping someone on PS, really. I also tell them about PS if they're on a serious quest!
Sometimes the asker is looking for assurances. Jewelry can be intimidating and feel unobtainable for people(I only have +/-1k,5k,10k, what have you)I always let them know- it doesn't have to be, no matter the budget, it's out there. It's very New England to want the best your money can get- if you know an angle, pony up:lol:
You feel flattered, and they leave hopeful.

Intent is everything.
 
seaurchin said:
I feel like people who are pushy like that are used to getting away with it and get bolder with time because polite people are put at a disadvantage when dealing with impolite people. Many polite people will still be used to responding... politely so they tend to get steamrolled if they aren't prepared for it.
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This! Yes, sea urchin is so right.
 
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RunningwithScissors said:
To answer the original question posted -- "have you ever had someone ask how much you spent on jewelry?" Yes.

My husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. We were just getting to know this couple. We went to a lovely upscale restaurant, we were all dressed nicely. I was wearing a modern art jade necklace by designer Patricia Von Musulin. Its a nice piece, decent quality jade (not superb jade, but good.)

The wife of the couple we went out with point blank asked me how much I paid for the necklace. It came out of nowhere, no lead up to it. At first I thought I had heard her incorrectly, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She repeated her question. I was completely blindsided by this. So I stammered out that it cost $2,000 in the early 2000's.

She looked aghast and said I was "ripped off," that jade shouldn't cost that much and asked if I had had it appraised after I purchased it. I said I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me that she could have purchased multiple jade necklaces from World Market for that amount and that I really should be more careful with my finances, that I was a silly young girl.

I tried to explain that my necklace was an art piece created by a designer whose's work is held in major museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and that designer pieces cost a premium. I purchased the necklace, not because it was a bargain, but because I was in love with its unique modern art style that I couldn't find anywhere else.

The rest of the evening and all future times I saw her (we overlap in the local community) she's treated me like I'm a complete idiot who is easily hoodwinked. I know I've been passed over for some community leadership roles because this woman thinks I'm a fool.

The reality is that I am in extremely good financial shape because of smart planning, discipline and hard work. But I am not flashy, I don't wear Hermes handbags or drive a Mercedes.

Oh, and by the way, that necklace has appreciated in value, and I was even contacted by the designer's workshop to ask if I would be willing to lend it to a retrospective exhibit being planned.
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You should forward the judgy lady the email and appraisal while mentioning that you took her recommendation to heart because you "respect her opinion". I wouldn't be able to resist if I were you.
 
ItsMainelyYou said:
Intent is everything.
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I respectfully disagree with BlueDiva and ItsMainleyYou.

That old saying about the Road to Hell being paved with good intentions is spot on.

It doesn't matter how innocently a personal question can be asked, the answer can always lead to the person being asked being lumped into the "other" category, and carry bad consequences.

For example:

My neighbor: "What church to you go to?" (Their intent is genuinely to be helpful because I've just moved in.)

Me: "Actually, I don't go to church, but I would love to ask you about your favorite local grocery store..."

My neighbor: "Wait...why don't you go to church?"

Me: "Well, actually, I'm an atheist."

Neighbor is horrified and in their mind thinks Atheist = person without morals. Perhaps they think they have a Satanist next door who eats babies. I get excluded from some community get-togethers and am not asked to babysit for the more religious families on the street which is something I love to do for neighborhood children. My neighbor's intention was good, to be welcoming and helpful, but my answer was not what they expected to hear and I am treated differently because of it.
 
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yssie said:
I know tone and intent can be lost on the internet, but… I want to voice my disagreement with perpetuating some of the ideas in this post. A small diamond doesn’t say “he loves you less” than a big diamond, a lab diamond doesn’t say “he doesn’t really love you”, the absence of a ring doesn’t say “he’s not devoted to you”, the presence of a big ring doesn’t say “he’s really devoted to you”. All depends on context which of course the casual observer will never have!

A few probably will make assumptions about you based on your ring. But most people don’t care at all, and won’t even notice it. And of course you’re materialistic!! This is a diamond forum, we’re all materialistic, there’s nothing wrong with that.

My advice is to not spend another moment worrying about what someone else thinks about you and your jewellery and your hobbies and your finances and your husband’s adoration. You know your truths and everyone else’s opinions can go hang.
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I did not mean to diminish smaller or larger purchases. Or even no purchase.

For me this is around knowing if something is really important to me and realistic, will find a way to make it happen. For context, I am a few years from retirement, Bf is retired and the house is paid off. This is very different than being a young newlywed.

I hope I didn’t step on any toes.

Also I think just because you buy jewelry does not mean you are shallow or any of the other negatives we might associate with people who spend a lot on things. I do not spend a lot on rent, for example.
 
seaurchin said:
Tbh I'd be surprised if there was anywhere on earth that it wasn't considered a rude thing to ask. Typically, anything that involves sticking ones nose into someone else's wallet is, with the possible exception of a few very close family members or friends.

I feel like people who are pushy like that are used to getting away with it and get bolder with time because polite people are put at a disadvantage when dealing with impolite people. Many polite people will still be used to responding... politely so they tend to get steamrolled if they aren't prepared for it.

Anyway, I'd probably say it was fake if I didn't know the person and otherwise, just mumble something about how I wasn't sure, then get away from them. But they would definitely go on my sh*tlist for asking!
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Soo true
 
I would want to say 'who are you ? My mother/ father in law? ' :angryfire:

Im releaved to read through this thread and read its universally bad manners
 
RunningwithScissors said:
To answer the original question posted -- "have you ever had someone ask how much you spent on jewelry?" Yes.

My husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. We were just getting to know this couple. We went to a lovely upscale restaurant, we were all dressed nicely. I was wearing a modern art jade necklace by designer Patricia Von Musulin. Its a nice piece, decent quality jade (not superb jade, but decent enough.)

The wife of the couple we went out with point blank asked me how much I paid for the necklace. It came out of nowhere, no lead up to it. At first I thought I had heard her incorrectly, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She repeated her question. I was completely blindsided by this. So I stammered out that it cost $2,000 in the late 1990's.

She looked aghast and said I was "ripped off," that jade shouldn't cost that much and asked if I had had it appraised after I purchased it. I said I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me that she could have purchased multiple jade necklaces from World Market for that amount and that I really should be more careful with my finances, that I was a silly young girl.

I tried to explain that my necklace was an art piece created by a designer whose's work is held in major museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I purchased the necklace not because it was a bargain, but because I was in love with its unique modern art style that I couldn't find anywhere else.

The rest of the evening and all future times I saw her (we overlap in the local community) she's treated me like I'm a complete idiot who is easily hoodwinked. I know I've been passed over for some community leadership roles because this woman thinks I'm a fool.

The reality is that I am in extremely good financial shape because of smart planning, discipline and hard work. But I am not flashy, I don't wear Hermes handbags or drive a Mercedes.

Oh, and by the way, that necklace has appreciated in value, and I was even contacted by the designer's workshop to ask if I would be willing to lend it to a retrospective exhibit being planned (pre-Covid - I don't know if it will still happen or not.)
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Jezz
people can be so rude
They must gave had parents who didn't know to teach their kids manners
We are all better off without those kind of people in our lives



Ps need to see jade necklase
 
bludiva said:
+1 to everyone saying don't worry about what other people think. =)



I hear this and I think many times those questions are rude or passive-aggressive, but I think some people are asking innocently, in the same way they might say, Where did you get that cool sweater? What's rude then in that case imho is if that person takes offense when you don't want to answer.
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I have some people in my life who are innocent/naive or who have no filter. Totally agree they mean no harm. Humor is great here if they can take a joke. “Only my jeweler knows for sure…”
 
Bravissimo said:
I have some people in my life who are innocent/naive or who have no filter. Totally agree they mean no harm. Humor is great here if they can take a joke. “Only my jeweler knows for sure…”
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Im missing the humour in some things in life
I just don't know how to cope with those no filter types
it gets my heckles up
Why-Does-My-Cat-Hate-Other-Cats-1-720x720.jpg
 
I usually try to give a vague answer so as to keep things socially nice and because it's not a discussion I want to engage in (and likely not a person I want to engage with). If I don't like how someone acts, I'm more likely to just make a mental note to disassociate from them rather than bother with a confrontation.

I'm sure some people do just innocently misspeak but I also feel like often there's a motivation to kinda give you a slap in a way they think they can get away with. I guess you could call pushing your boundaries like that passive-aggressive bullying or something along those lines.

For ex., @RunningwithScissors and the lady with the jade comments, my first impression was that she felt threatened by you in some way and felt the need to take you down a peg and dominate. My guess is she had it in for you and if it wasn't over the jade, she would have found something else.

People can have strange motives imo. It could be they're jealous if you have something nice, or they want to feel super smart and important by trying to make you feel like you made a foolish purchase, or maybe she thought her husband was in love with you lol, who knows. Sometimes I WOULD love to know though!
 
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RunningwithScissors said:
To answer the original question posted -- "have you ever had someone ask how much you spent on jewelry?" Yes.

My husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. We were just getting to know this couple. We went to a lovely upscale restaurant, we were all dressed nicely. I was wearing a modern art jade necklace by designer Patricia Von Musulin. Its a nice piece, decent quality jade (not superb jade, but decent enough.)

The wife of the couple we went out with point blank asked me how much I paid for the necklace. It came out of nowhere, no lead up to it. At first I thought I had heard her incorrectly, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She repeated her question. I was completely blindsided by this. So I stammered out that it cost $2,000 in the late 1990's.

She looked aghast and said I was "ripped off," that jade shouldn't cost that much and asked if I had had it appraised after I purchased it. I said I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me that she could have purchased multiple jade necklaces from World Market for that amount and that I really should be more careful with my finances, that I was a silly young girl.

I tried to explain that my necklace was an art piece created by a designer whose's work is held in major museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I purchased the necklace not because it was a bargain, but because I was in love with its unique modern art style that I couldn't find anywhere else.

The rest of the evening and all future times I saw her (we overlap in the local community) she's treated me like I'm a complete idiot who is easily hoodwinked. I know I've been passed over for some community leadership roles because this woman thinks I'm a fool.

The reality is that I am in extremely good financial shape because of smart planning, discipline and hard work. But I am not flashy, I don't wear Hermes handbags or drive a Mercedes.

Oh, and by the way, that necklace has appreciated in value, and I was even contacted by the designer's workshop to ask if I would be willing to lend it to a retrospective exhibit being planned (pre-Covid - I don't know if it will still happen or not.)
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I’m so shocked that someone would say that to you. It makes me really angry…What a silly woman.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I respectfully disagree with BlueDiva and ItsMainleyYou.

That old saying about the Road to Hell being paved with good intentions is spot on.

It doesn't matter how innocently a personal question can be asked, the answer can always lead to the person being asked being lumped into the "other" category, and carry bad consequences.

For example:

My neighbor: "What church to you go to?" (Their intent is genuinely to be helpful because I've just moved in.)

Me: "Actually, I don't go to church, but I would love to ask you about your favorite local grocery store..."

My neighbor: "Wait...why don't you go to church?"

Me: "Well, actually, I'm an atheist."

Neighbor is horrified and in their mind thinks Atheist = person without morals. Perhaps they think they have a Satanist next door who eats babies. I get excluded from some community get-togethers and am not asked to babysit for the more religious families on the street which is something I love to do for neighborhood children. My neighbor's intention was good, to be welcoming and helpful, but my answer was not what they expected to hear and I am treated differently because of it.
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(((hugs))) I'm so sorry that has happened to you. That's an awful and unfair thing. Your situation has many more considerations involved and to take into account.

It's much more of a minefield when it comes to things like religion and the like- but I quantify those types of questions very differently. I also live in an area of the country where religion is not a cultural focus(it would be a social faux paus to ask or announce)and asking that kind of question is akin to loudly farting during a conversation in a public place- you ignore it, you're certainly not going to ask about it, and possibly feel secondhand embarrassment that they even brought it up. Here it's sometimes more of a joking, oh, they're a practicing *fill in religion*, but don't hold it against them. It's doesn't hold any real power as a character marker or reliable judge of moral behavior. Here, if you're super vocal about your religiosity- only half jokingly, you bear watching by the rest of us as you probably want money.
It's just not done.
 
Bravissimo said:
So we’re about to make a purchase of a stone I think will be fabulous but understated. A 2 carat excellent cut by AGL standards. Not that big by PS bling standards but big relative to many here. BF is worried people will ask what it cost and that it will be awkward. I’ve had a 1.5 carat center stone in a three stone that was pretty flashy for the past 15 years and nobody ever asked.

I suggested, “Just curious, why are you interested.”

Do people ever ask you & how you handle it?

Do they ask if it’s real? How do you handle that?
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Actually, I just read your original post, and wanted to weigh in, that going from a 3-stone (1.5 ct center) to a 2 carat solitaire will not really raise any eyebrows IMO, in fact, most of your friends and family wouldn't event notice if they are not into diamonds. I have a 3-stone (1.8ct center) and a 2.8ct solitaire. I think the 3-stone is much more eye-catching and has more presence than my solitaire!

Also wanted to add that most people that are not into diamonds, don't even know that diamonds get exponentially more expensive the bigger they get. Most will probably think your 3 stone cost more, by sheer number of diamonds.
 
RunningwithScissors said:
To answer the original question posted -- "have you ever had someone ask how much you spent on jewelry?" Yes.

My husband and I went out to dinner with another couple. We were just getting to know this couple. We went to a lovely upscale restaurant, we were all dressed nicely. I was wearing a modern art jade necklace by designer Patricia Von Musulin. Its a nice piece, decent quality jade (not superb jade, but decent enough.)

The wife of the couple we went out with point blank asked me how much I paid for the necklace. It came out of nowhere, no lead up to it. At first I thought I had heard her incorrectly, so I said, "I'm sorry, what did you say?" She repeated her question. I was completely blindsided by this. So I stammered out that it cost $2,000 in the late 1990's.

She looked aghast and said I was "ripped off," that jade shouldn't cost that much and asked if I had had it appraised after I purchased it. I said I hadn't. She proceeded to tell me that she could have purchased multiple jade necklaces from World Market for that amount and that I really should be more careful with my finances, that I was a silly young girl.

I tried to explain that my necklace was an art piece created by a designer whose's work is held in major museums like the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I purchased the necklace not because it was a bargain, but because I was in love with its unique modern art style that I couldn't find anywhere else.

The rest of the evening and all future times I saw her (we overlap in the local community) she's treated me like I'm a complete idiot who is easily hoodwinked. I know I've been passed over for some community leadership roles because this woman thinks I'm a fool.

The reality is that I am in extremely good financial shape because of smart planning, discipline and hard work. But I am not flashy, I don't wear Hermes handbags or drive a Mercedes.

Oh, and by the way, that necklace has appreciated in value, and I was even contacted by the designer's workshop to ask if I would be willing to lend it to a retrospective exhibit being planned (pre-Covid - I don't know if it will still happen or not.)
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This is beyond the pale. I’m sorry you’ve both experienced this and experienced, it sounds like, lasting aftershocks from this. I’m especially befuddled because I know you work with art - you would think that anyone associated with that field, of all interests, would be most likely to “get it”!

There’s no accounting for stupidity. Or rudeness. Or chips on the shoulder.
 
HI:

I've never been asked what my items cost but I have been asked 100's of times if my rings are real.. To which I answer, "well, they are not a figment of your imagination". :rolleyes:

Such a nervy question and grammatically incorrect LOL (*genuine)

cheers--Sharon
 
RunningwithScissors said:
I respectfully disagree with BlueDiva and ItsMainleyYou.

That old saying about the Road to Hell being paved with good intentions is spot on.

It doesn't matter how innocently a personal question can be asked, the answer can always lead to the person being asked being lumped into the "other" category, and carry bad consequences.

For example:

My neighbor: "What church to you go to?" (Their intent is genuinely to be helpful because I've just moved in.)

Me: "Actually, I don't go to church, but I would love to ask you about your favorite local grocery store..."

My neighbor: "Wait...why don't you go to church?"

Me: "Well, actually, I'm an atheist."

Neighbor is horrified and in their mind thinks Atheist = person without morals. Perhaps they think they have a Satanist next door who eats babies. I get excluded from some community get-togethers and am not asked to babysit for the more religious families on the street which is something I love to do for neighborhood children. My neighbor's intention was good, to be welcoming and helpful, but my answer was not what they expected to hear and I am treated differently because of it.
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For some not being Christian or Jewish or Muslim is an excuse to exclude. It’s ironic but I am sorry that happened to you.
 
jaysonsmom said:
Actually, I just read your original post, and wanted to weigh in, that going from a 3-stone (1.5 ct center) to a 2 carat solitaire will not really raise any eyebrows IMO, in fact, most of your friends and family wouldn't event notice if they are not into diamonds. I have a 3-stone (1.8ct center) and a 2.8ct solitaire. I think the 3-stone is much more eye-catching and has more presence than my solitaire!

Also wanted to add that most people that are not into diamonds, don't even know that diamonds get exponentially more expensive the bigger they get. Most will probably think your 3 stone cost more, by sheer number of diamonds.
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I agree but unfortunately I was divorced and haven’t worn my old ring for 7 years. And my office turns over about once every 4 years. This stone will be new to a whole bunch of new friends, family, and a bunch of young people who are all living through post professional school “wedding seasons.” That is why the BF is worried. And that is why I needed something different and an upgrade in quality.
 
Nothing, it was a gift from DH!

It depends on who's asking and the intent, but usually I will tell them since they asked.
 
I would never divulge the cost for a variety of reasons - being harshly judged not one of them. Most people that are not into diamonds think that $2999.00 at Zales for most anything is a lot of money. If they knew the real cost, they would flip. The beauty of PS is that people who love jewelry are here to discuss whatever - and they realize that most of it costs more than the average Joe would think. No point in getting into that conversation with a non-jewelry loving nosy Rosie! It is rude and out of line to ever ask someone the cost of something and there are many comments that you can come back with without telling the price. I have never been asked that directly but have been told ‘someone must really love you’ or my favorite ‘someone might cut your hand off for that!’ Unbelievable things to say but they feel compelled to say something I guess. The most genuine folks just say ‘it is very pretty’ if they have asked to see it and move on. Most people that I know would be shocked at the prices and would never spend their money on such things. That’s all well and fine but please don’t ask so you can waggle your tongue or finger at me. If I didn’t ask you to pay for it, then you are in good shape! We have worked for many years and don’t need anyone’s permission to spend as we choose.
 
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