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Just curious: What to say if people ask how much you paid

Bravissimo

Bravissimo

Shiny_Rock
Joined
Feb 23, 2019
Messages
231
So we’re about to make a purchase of a stone I think will be fabulous but understated. A 2 carat excellent cut by AGL standards. Not that big by PS bling standards but big relative to many here. BF is worried people will ask what it cost and that it will be awkward. I’ve had a 1.5 carat center stone in a three stone that was pretty flashy for the past 15 years and nobody ever asked.

I suggested, “Just curious, why are you interested.”

Do people ever ask you & how you handle it?

Do they ask if it’s real? How do you handle that?
 
First of all be clear that you do not owe anyone any answer! Anyone! Even family.
You are free to be honest, lie, ignore them, be coy, humorous, nasty, evasive, etc.

It's only awkward if you let it be.
Don't do that.

Keep in mind, it is they who are being rude.
Since they don't care about manners why should I?

As for me, to the rudest strangers I have looked them in the eye for an intentionally long and awkward pause and just said, "REALLY?"
Sometimes I'll say, "Oh, it was a gift."
One fun reaction would be to laugh hysterically while just walking away,
Why not have some fun with the jerk?

React however you want, and say whatever you want.
It really doesn't matter.
 
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I've never been asked how much any of my jewelry cost, but I live in the south and it's pretty well accepted as being rude to do so. I am aware there are cultures which it is not really considered as rude, however.

I have been asked if it's real several times and even where I got it, like she could run down there and get hers too (under the asssuption it was "fake"). That I laughed off and said it was a gift. The "real" question I replied that "it's real to me!" I don't care at all if others think it's fake, and lots of time I would rather they do. My infatuation with my gems has nothing to do with other's opinions, and most of the time I wish that society didn't associate my jewelry with a status symbol. I have no control over what others think, be it I'm "richer" than I am, I'm trying to impress people and show off, that all my jewelry is fake, or even I'm fine with destroying the planet by buying my Earth mined diaminds! I would guess most fall into one of these four categories. But I really couldn't care less.
 
I would be super uncomfortable if someone asked me that. The only person who has ever asked me how much my jewelry cost is one very close friend (who is also really blunt) and sometimes I’ll tell her and sometimes I won’t. I don’t mind answering her questions because we’re super open with each other (I essentially bought her e-ring, her boyfriend was along for the ride).

I would also suggest just replying with a smile and an “it’s a gift”. If you’re with your boyfriend and someone asks / someone asks him, countering with “why do you want to know” should take care of most people - if they say “just curious”, smile pleasantly and change the topic. If they’re really pushy be like “oh I never like to think about how much things cost, ruins the enjoyment for me” or say something quippy like “too much” or “enough” or “worth every penny” or “whatever you’re thinking, that’s my answer”.
 
I've never been asked and it would be considered rude where I live. That being said, if a good friend who shared an interest in jewelry with me and it was something we enjoyed discussing among ourselves, and showed each other our new pieces, then I'd tell her the cost. But only under those circumstances. If anyone else asked, I'd probably be so shocked that I'd probably hesitate for so long, they'd get the message.
 
That is an excellent question. I actually get asked this often, despite my E-ring being only 1 carat! One time I caved and told them how much it was. Other times I am vague and say “more than my car!”. Which is a really funny response to me, because I drive a old used car that doesn’t cost very much :D it always shocks me when people ask. I think it’s incredibly rude.
 
Because my stuff is all antique, usually no one asks, but when they have, I've used a pretty good cover story: "oh it was my grandmother's" (or even great-grandmother's) and that's territory that no one seems to want to press further into. If your things are old, try that. It works!
 
I can't imagine asking that or being asked that! I would likely tell somone it's fake (CZ) or moissanite if they were a stranger. Or I'd point someone I knew to wear I bought it and they can shop for something that fits their own budget. I wouldn't talk about price though.
 
A simple "I prefer not to say" with no further explanation.

If pressed, I would kindly remind the enquirer that it is none of his/her business.

DK :))
 
Are there really people rude enough to ask that? In the U.K. that would be considered extremely impolite. Almost as bad as asking someone what is wrong with them if they mention having a doctors appointment. Or asking what someone’s salary is. Just inconceivably impertinent.
 
I’ve never been asked about cost. I HAVE been asked if it’s real - to which I say something to the effect of “good god no I put a CZ in my $RandomFamilyMember’s old setting”. I’d very much like people I don’t know to think everything I’ve got is fake!!
 
i've never had anyone ask about price, i would deflect and say you'd have to ask my husband since he bought it or something. i have had a stranger ask if it's real, deflected again b/c i'd rather strangers think it was fake.

2 reponses to rude questions that never fail: just look at the person for a beat and then start talking about something else or say "Why do you ask?"

caveat: it's considered rude to ask about money where I live, but in some places i expect it's just a question and not meant in an unkind way
 
Tbh I'd be surprised if there was anywhere on earth that it wasn't considered a rude thing to ask. Typically, anything that involves sticking ones nose into someone else's wallet is, with the possible exception of a few very close family members or friends.

I feel like people who are pushy like that are used to getting away with it and get bolder with time because polite people are put at a disadvantage when dealing with impolite people. Many polite people will still be used to responding... politely so they tend to get steamrolled if they aren't prepared for it.

Anyway, I'd probably say it was fake if I didn't know the person and otherwise, just mumble something about how I wasn't sure, then get away from them. But they would definitely go on my sh*tlist for asking!
 
It is a cultural thing….and I have been asked several times about how much I paid for different diamond pieces . I just shrug and say vaguely that diamonds is “my thing” and if I can afford it, I buy it.
 
I don't understand why so many people feel discussion of money is rude. I think it's a mindset that perpetuates wage inequality as well as financial disparities and abuses. It also prevents people from having important discussions about financial planning, investment, decisions, and retirement. I'm glad the taboo is dissipating with younger generations and that financial discussions are becoming more commonplace.
 
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musicloveranthony said:
I don't understand why so many people feel discussion of money is rude. I think it's a mindset that perpetuates wage inequality as well as financial disparities and abuses. I'm glad it's dissipating with younger generations and that financial discussions are becoming more commonplace.
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For me, because it is a complete discretionary purchase with no daily value other than enjoyment. I don't think discussing housing prices, transportation cost, etc., is the same and if someone asked me how much my car cost, if I remembered, I'd tell them. Same with the house and that's all public record where I live. I view the spending categories and what is rude/not rude to ask about in terms of buckets, I guess.
 
elizat said:
For me, because it is a complete discretionary purchase with no daily value other than enjoyment. I don't think discussing housing prices, transportation cost, etc., is the same and if someone asked me how much my car cost, if I remembered, I'd tell them. Same with the house and that's all public record where I live. I view the spending categories and what is rude/not rude to ask about in terms of buckets, I guess.
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I can understand that point of view. I think it's all tied together, especially when discretionary purchases like cars, jewelry, or clothes can have significant impact on both day to day and long term financial situation. I think about things like financing large purchases, refinancing, interest rates, early payoffs, etc. Schools teach essentially nothing about financial responsibility anymore and marketing is so successful at getting people to believe they can buy anything they want as long as they can afford the monthly payments.
 
My DIL has been swiping my ring off my finger and wearing it for a bit when we see them. She is so funny. The last time she had it on she pretended to grab her purse and run off with it. :lol: A few visits before that she asked me in front of my son and husband how much it cost. I hesitated but I answered. My son said out loud that I shouldn’t wear it when we see them. Of course he was kidding. This last visit I found out she’s getting an upgrade. :lol: If anyone other than my immediate family asked me I would say,”I hope so!”. No one asked me though. I had a very close friend recently ask me if my earrings were real. I just told her yes. If a stranger asked me if my ring was real it would depend on who it was. I probably would say it wasn't real.
 
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I think cars are wildly variable from daily driver to luxury and buying used can get luxury massively marked down. Not sure how true that is if diamonds. But regardless you do need a car most places in the US and approximate price can be determined online. People know a Mercedes is expensive and a Ford is usually less.

Never thought about the wage inequality issue. A great point!

I worry people will make assumptions. Like she’s a snob. Or she’s a materialist. What I want them to think is he REALLY loves me and he is the best. He does. And he is. So many ways he has been there besides the ring but the ring shows his devotion loud and clear.
 
It might be cultural. I'm from south east Asian ancestry and it's common to ask how much things cost and one's salary (among my family and friends). I don't find it rude (but maybe could be rude in some context). I have no issues telling ppl cost, if real, where I got it and and how they can get it for the same price. My husband is European and doesn't feel comfortable sharing his salary info, so I don't. But mine is public info since I'm in the public sector so I don't mind.

And oops! I didn't realize it's rude to ask about doctor's appts. I've always commented if people are okay and ask what they're going for. I don't usually ask beyond the first reply. Eeek, I thought I was so careful and try to be normal and not (overly) awkward.
 
10000 green stamps
older crowd laughs, younger crowd goes huh?
Fun times.
 
musicloveranthony said:
I can understand that point of view. I think it's all tied together, especially when discretionary purchases like cars, jewelry, or clothes can have significant impact on both day to day and long term financial situation. I think about things like financing large purchases, refinancing, interest rates, early payoffs, etc. Schools teach essentially nothing about financial responsibility anymore and marketing is so successful at getting people to believe they can buy anything they want as long as they can afford the monthly payments.
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I agree with this.

So, on that tangent, I went to "high school" that started in seventh grade originally in middle of nowhere PA. We moved to another state that had traditional high school starting at 9th grade.

In that middle of nowhere school, they taught more about "life" than I got anywhere else from a school setting for the most part. We all had to take home economics and at least one shop class. Everyone learned how to mend clothes, sew buttons, use a sewing machine, follow a pattern for a simple sewing project, and use basic tools safely in shop. You also learned how to use cooking tools safely, how to make yourself basic food, etc. Really important life skills for basically everyone.

In that same home eco class, we were taught how to balance a checkbook, how to to a tax return, and how to doa monthly budget, with our "income" and having to allocate pots of money to our expenses, including debt and figure out how work the numbers.

My mom made me save money every month growing up for holiday gifts. I had to save my allowance or birthday/report card/tooth fairy money over the year to buy holiday gifts for family and friends. A bank in same middle of nowhere PA had something called a "Christmas Club" account and I had one from something like 6 years old that she helped me set up- and I had to balance the register of the savings deposits plus the tiny interest.

I'm 40 very shortly here, but that "old school" type of teaching doesn't exist in many places now. A lot of parents don't teach about financial literacy either. Financial literacy is so important. I remember when I took out student loans for law school, we had to meet with a financial admin at the law school and talk about the loan amount, the rate, how long it will take to pay off etc,, before the school would do their part to the submit the paperwork. That was so smart. I have student debt, but it is manageable. Debt doesn't have to be bad or evil- but you have to teach people how to use it. My student loans are locked in at a very low rate and I chose to not pay the federal loans off early. I can leverage my money by investing it, both in my 401 and my after tax contributions, and it will earn me more.

I agree that financial literacy is not taught and it's really a shame. Starting early, when kids are 12/13 really makes the most sense, if not before. It is really important.

Sorry for the tangent, OP.
 
ttttttwwwwwweeeetttyyy five cents from a gumball machine is another good one.
 
Bravissimo said:
I worry people will make assumptions. Like she’s a snob. Or she’s a materialist. What I want them to think is he REALLY loves me and he is the best. He does. And he is. So many ways he has been there besides the ring but the ring shows his devotion loud and clear.
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I know tone and intent can be lost on the internet, but… I want to voice my disagreement with perpetuating some of the ideas in this post. A small diamond doesn’t say “he loves you less” than a big diamond, a lab diamond doesn’t say “he doesn’t really love you”, the absence of a ring doesn’t say “he’s not devoted to you”, the presence of a big ring doesn’t say “he’s really devoted to you”. All depends on context which of course the casual observer will never have!

A few probably will make assumptions about you based on your ring. But most people don’t care at all, and won’t even notice it. And of course you’re materialistic!! This is a diamond forum, we’re all materialistic, there’s nothing wrong with that.

My advice is to not spend another moment worrying about what someone else thinks about you and your jewellery and your hobbies and your finances and your husband’s adoration. You know your truths and everyone else’s opinions can go hang.
 
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I've been asked this; some cultures are very blunt and don't see this as rude. The conversation goes like this:

"How much did it cost?"
"Too much!"

Or

"How much did it cost?"
"One arm and one leg"

I don't like to tell people the cost of my jewelry because I'm afraid that people will think I'm insane.

@Karl_K I remember my grandmother using those stamps when I was really young.
 
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