MoonWater
Ideal_Rock
- Joined
- Jul 1, 2007
- Messages
- 3,158
And here''s why: http://www.slate.com/id/2168008/
Date: 5/13/2008 6:03:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
That''s odd. Because as a guest, I always felt obligated to buy a nice gift to make up for the fact that I was eating their food and drinking their booze. Oh, and because they were so kind to invite me to share in their union. I''m not sure what manners have to do with specifying an item you actually need and could use, rather than another piece of junk that someone just really wanted you to have. That''s not very thoughtful, and that is and has always been my view as a guest or gift giver. I give to make the receiver happy, and my happiness comes from giving something I know they truly wanted. But I''m a weirdo (and people love me at Xmas).
Date: 5/13/2008 5:48:57 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, from the stand point of a guest, how dare the bride even ask for a gift!! Let alone specify was it should be. Where have manners gone?
I think, and correct me if I'm wrong, that what swingirl's referring to is that any insinuation that a gift (of any kind) is expected is a lapse in manners.Date: 5/13/2008 6:03:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
That's odd. Because as a guest, I always felt obligated to buy a nice gift to make up for the fact that I was eating their food and drinking their booze. Oh, and because they were so kind to invite me to share in their union. I'm not sure what manners have to do with specifying an item you actually need and could use, rather than another piece of junk that someone just really wanted you to have. That's not very thoughtful, and that is and has always been my view as a guest or gift giver. I give to make the receiver happy, and my happiness comes from giving something I know they truly wanted. But I'm a weirdo (and people love me at Xmas).
Agreed. I actually enjoy giving.Date: 5/13/2008 6:28:28 PM
Author: newbie124
Date: 5/13/2008 6:03:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
That''s odd. Because as a guest, I always felt obligated to buy a nice gift to make up for the fact that I was eating their food and drinking their booze. Oh, and because they were so kind to invite me to share in their union. I''m not sure what manners have to do with specifying an item you actually need and could use, rather than another piece of junk that someone just really wanted you to have. That''s not very thoughtful, and that is and has always been my view as a guest or gift giver. I give to make the receiver happy, and my happiness comes from giving something I know they truly wanted. But I''m a weirdo (and people love me at Xmas).
Nice, MoonWater. I was thinking the exact same thing and couldn''t have said it better myself
I personally really enjoy giving people gifts that I know THEY want and need and will enjoy. Not just giving them something *I* think they need b/c I like it myself. When I''m invited to a party or a dinner, even if it''s a home cooked meal that might have cost $20, I never show up empty handed. That would be poor manners in my opinion.
So you're against registries at all? I stand corrected.Date: 5/13/2008 6:43:49 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, as a guest I've always felt the wedding gift was my selection of something for the married couple (I always give money). It wasn't to make up for all the food and booze I ingested.
It sounds like your mind is made up. Ask for the cash but I'm sure you'll offend at least a few of the oldies.
Yeah I get it. But I have only seen one wedding invitation that ever mentioned gifts at all. Most couples left it to guests to inquire if they wanted and the couple had a registry handy for those that wanted to give. So if someone feels insulted or think it''s in poor manners to even have a registry, well, I guess I just don''t get it. Nowadays, people expect a registry, it makes it easier for them.Date: 5/13/2008 6:43:26 PM
Author: musey
Date: 5/13/2008 5:48:57 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, from the stand point of a guest, how dare the bride even ask for a gift!! Let alone specify was it should be. Where have manners gone?
I think, and correct me if I''m wrong, that what swingirl''s referring to is any insinuation that a gift (of any kind) is expected.Date: 5/13/2008 6:03:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
That''s odd. Because as a guest, I always felt obligated to buy a nice gift to make up for the fact that I was eating their food and drinking their booze. Oh, and because they were so kind to invite me to share in their union. I''m not sure what manners have to do with specifying an item you actually need and could use, rather than another piece of junk that someone just really wanted you to have. That''s not very thoughtful, and that is and has always been my view as a guest or gift giver. I give to make the receiver happy, and my happiness comes from giving something I know they truly wanted. But I''m a weirdo (and people love me at Xmas).
There have been lots of threads in which the etiquette mavens (not me) have educated PSers on the whole gift-giving thing, and basically what I''ve taken from it is that a mention of registry insinuates an expectation of gifts (because they should not be expected, even though it''s traditional--they''re a gesture, not a requirement), and even a ''no gifts, please'' insinuates that they would otherwise be expected, but guests are being given a ''pass'' this time.
I think.
Of course my mind is made up. This thread wasn''t to help me make a decision. I know the people we are inviting quite well and I can assure you they will not be offended (in fact, the last wedding they attended everyone wrote a check as a gift to help the couple pay for the actual wedding). I don''t like the idea of gifts at all. I''d like to have a party so that I can celebrate the union with my man in the company of those that we love. I do know that some of them just absolutely must give something to help us along and the word will be donations toward the honeymoon. It''s an extremely reasonable request, especially in this economy, especially since we''ve lived together for over 4 years and have what we need, especially since we don''t own a home and most especially because these people all know us quite well and would never consider us rude.Date: 5/13/2008 6:43:49 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, as a guest I''ve always felt the wedding gift was my selection of something for the married couple (I always give money). It wasn''t to make up for all the food and booze I ingested.
It sounds like your mind is made up. Ask for the cash but I''m sure you''ll offend at least a few of the oldies.
Yeah, I was mistaken as to what swingirl found offensive... I thought it was the announcement of registry thing as opposed to the existence of a registry thing.Date: 5/13/2008 6:52:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
Yeah I get it. But I have only seen one wedding invitation that ever mentioned gifts at all. Most couples left it to guests to inquire if they wanted and the couple had a registry handy for those that wanted to give. So if someone feels insulted or think it''s in poor manners to even have a registry, well, I guess I just don''t get it. Nowadays, people expect a registry, it makes it easier for them.Date: 5/13/2008 6:43:26 PM
Author: musey
Date: 5/13/2008 5:48:57 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, from the stand point of a guest, how dare the bride even ask for a gift!! Let alone specify was it should be. Where have manners gone?I think, and correct me if I''m wrong, that what swingirl''s referring to is any insinuation that a gift (of any kind) is expected.Date: 5/13/2008 6:03:25 PM
Author: MoonWater
That''s odd. Because as a guest, I always felt obligated to buy a nice gift to make up for the fact that I was eating their food and drinking their booze. Oh, and because they were so kind to invite me to share in their union. I''m not sure what manners have to do with specifying an item you actually need and could use, rather than another piece of junk that someone just really wanted you to have. That''s not very thoughtful, and that is and has always been my view as a guest or gift giver. I give to make the receiver happy, and my happiness comes from giving something I know they truly wanted. But I''m a weirdo (and people love me at Xmas).
There have been lots of threads in which the etiquette mavens (not me) have educated PSers on the whole gift-giving thing, and basically what I''ve taken from it is that a mention of registry insinuates an expectation of gifts (because they should not be expected, even though it''s traditional--they''re a gesture, not a requirement), and even a ''no gifts, please'' insinuates that they would otherwise be expected, but guests are being given a ''pass'' this time.
I think.
Me too! It''s so much fun! Seriously, I''ve made people cry with gifts. I love it. I''m a total geek gift giver. I work all year around, listening and researching, so I can have it down by their Bday or Xmas.Date: 5/13/2008 6:50:39 PM
Author: musey
So you''re against registries at all? I stand corrected.Date: 5/13/2008 6:43:49 PM
Author: swingirl
Well, as a guest I''ve always felt the wedding gift was my selection of something for the married couple (I always give money). It wasn''t to make up for all the food and booze I ingested.
It sounds like your mind is made up. Ask for the cash but I''m sure you''ll offend at least a few of the oldies.
I think of registries less as ''this is what I want, give it to me'' and more as ''these are all things we love, so if you need some ideas, here they are!'' So I don''t know why it would be a bad thing. But then I''m a person who always checks popular websites (like amazon.com) to see if the person I''m shopping for (bdays, holidays, etc.) has a wishlist there, and select something from it. I like ''Oh, how did you know??'' much better than ''What a creative selection!''
I agree. I really like Brazen''s idea.Date: 5/13/2008 6:33:05 PM
Author: gwendolyn
I''d probably think the best way to go about it is the way Brazen Irish Hussy is doing it. Spread the word low-key, but have *some* thing on the registry for the people who would feel really uncomfortable giving cash.
Date: 5/13/2008 8:25:36 PM
Author: purrfectpear
People who want to ask for cash will always attempt to find some way to justify it as acceptable, even though it clearly is not.
The writer of the article tries to compare a single registry for one resort vacation with other registries. It is an apple and oranges comparison. When couples register at a store (or stores) they don''t pick one gift like a fur coat at Nieman''s and say ''pay towards THIS'', they register for many different types of gifts with various costs. Even then, the registry contains gift suggestions, not gift mandates.
An apt comparison for the writer to have made would have been if a couple registered at the Ford dealership with a suggestion that invitees pay for their vehicle of choice.
It just isn''t done by people with any manners.
Date: 5/13/2008 9:02:12 PM
Author: surfgirl
I think ''asking'' for money is never acceptable under any circumstances. There is a reason it''s been deemed poor manners for eons.