Its a sad, sad situation ....... help please ladies

[kevinraja]

She did come to my apt around 8+ pm and started knocking my door, and calling me on my cell and home phones. I anticipated this, and switched off all the lights and stayed in without answering any of her calls. About an hour passed. She was still outside my door, which I could see through my pupil lens. I heard her crying and weeping, trying leave messages and sms on my phones. Some of her text messages,

"I beg you to call me"

"Baby, if you still have a tiny piece of love for me in your heart, you will talk to me one last time. You are the love of my life..."

"Am still at the door waiting for you"

"Do you hate me that much? Just tell me to my face. Don''t you wanna see me anymore?"

"Are you with another girl, that is why you don''t want to answer my calls?"

"You car is here, but you are not"

I stayed cold-hearted lying on my bed, laughing at her messages. I guess she called her mom, because her mom started calling on my cell and home phones, leaving messages like "...raja, please pick up, I know you are there, ....she is waiting outside your door...she needs to talk to you" When I knew she left, I left home to watch sideways movie, and just returned.

Goodnight now.

 

[MrsFrk]

Good for you! STAY STRONG!

You are not being cold-hearted, you are being rational, and good for KEVIN.

DON''T TALK TO HER. SHE DOESN''T DESERVE YOU.

Keep us posted, we''re all rooting for you! Stay strong.

 

[Hest88]

Good job, Kevin. Hold onto your anger right now. It is your best friend for the near future. Later you can grieve--later you probably *will* grieve--but right now your anger is the tool you need to help you stay strong.

 

[MaybeDayze]

Stay Stong, the storm is not over yet!

Her Mom is just as bad as she is, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

Try to stay out and about,
go see every movie you can possibly stand.
See friends, - take a vacation, take sick leave, go visit family, something!

Put that Diamond in a safety deposit box, who knows what she's going to do.

Keep it up, you're doing great! Keep us posted.

 

[katrina_33]

Curious to know what you thought of Sideways? I loved that movie!

 

[Gale]

Good for you Kevin for not allowing her or her mother to manipulate you into a situation you do not want to be in.

Just like others have said, her mother will try to do what she sees as the best thing for her daughter, which is clearly not the best thing for you. Block their numbers from your phone, or change your numbers entirely, to stop this nuisance.

 

[icekid]

KEVIN! well done, seriously! you know you are not in the right state to talk to her right now, and i know it must have been tough with her on one end and her mother on the other. GOOD JOB!! if you made it through that, you''re going to do it! the first day or two is always the toughest... it will only keep getting easier!

 

[appletini]

Good job Kevin! Now take that ring to the bank!!!

 

[rockupied]

It''s so sad- and I mean pitiful- that she sent those text messages obviously aimed at your heart strings.

Kevin,

You handled the break how you felt appropriate. You stated that you felt "at PEACE" after you had surmised she had read the letter. That is what matters here. That is what will allow you to move forward.

You made a decision, you stuck to it, and you- Raja- deserve a big K U D O S. I heard two songs yesterday on my way home from work that reminded me of you. You may be familiar with them. Regardless, check out the lyrics…

How Am I Doin'' by Dierks Bentley

I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor


Now then, STAY STRONG!

 

[teebee]

Way to go Kevin!!! I am so proud that you were able to withstand that barrage from her and her mother without caving ~ I know that had to have been so difficult!!! Stay strong and just remember that you cannot afford to let all of her tears and desperate messages to affect you ~ they are simply another method of manipulation!!

Oh, and like MaybeDayze said, FAKE IT ''TIL YOU MAKE IT!!! Seriously... it sounds a little simplistic but that little mantra has helped me overcome some difficult obstacles and barriers in my life.

You are doing great, take care!!

 

[Morticia]

Hey, good for you for being strong.

I don''t mean to sound rude, but I think it''s pretty obnoxious of her mom to get involved the way she has. Her daughter needs to 1) grow up and 2) probably get some professional help. That''s not your responsibility. You done more than enough... You would probably be better off distancing yourself from the mom too.

Best of luck to you.

 

[fire&ice]

Wow, just returned to town catching up. Man, don''t run away.............SPRINT with all your heart. She sounds like a psycho. Her mother sounds like someone who wants YOU to solve the problem of her daughter for her. She''s not out for your best interest.

You received some balanced good advice. As painful as it may seem now, in the long term you will be better off. You sound less like a partner in this relationship and more like a father. I don''t think you really LOVE her. I think you want to SAVE her. You don''t want this. I''m being brutally honest. This advice comes from a middle aged happily married women of 20+ years. YOU WILL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER AND HER DRAMA - regardless of what causes it.

I don''t know about not meeting with her. If you could do it in a non-emotional way, it would be good closure. Some how I think it will only escalate the drama. Only you know.

Good luck. You deserve to be treated MUCH better. THIS marriage will be doomed. Consider yourself lucky.

 

[blueroses]

CONGRATS!!! STAY STRONG!!!! I think some of those messages of hers are pretty telling and that is you were to give in to even the demands to talk to her "one last time" the manipulation train would be leaving the station AGAIN IMMEDIATELY.

You are doing the right thing. Try to stay BUSY BUSY BUSY and investigate blocking her numbers.

Proud of you--keep it up!

 

[kevinraja]

Thanks for all your support for the umpteenth time. I will keep you posted if something dramatic happens. Otherwise, I am planning to try to stay away from PS for a while as trying to post things about us or her only keeps reminding me of things that I don''t want to think or remember.

Hope to see you all soon.

 

[Todd07]

Kevin,
The thing to remember is to be consistent to your word.

If you said in the letter you didn''t want to speak to her, then don''t.

There isn''t a relationship to save and she''s not your blood family. Don''t open yourslef up to manipulation by deviating from what you said in your letter.

If you were breaking up out of the blue, I''d agree with the posts that said doing it in-person is the right and fair thing to do. Your break up was a long time in coming with lots of communication before the letter.

 

[goldengirl]

GOOD FOR YOU KEVIN!!!

I totally agree with Hest--your anger will serve you well in the near future. Hold onto it. If she continues with her games, reflect on how poorly she treated you, and let yourself be angry; it will protect you from pain, for the time being.

I also totally agree with FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT... it was a lesson taught to me in massage school, and I find that even if I'm not really "feeling" it, if I fake it, other people buy it and more importantly... suddenly I DO feel it.

You are strong enough to handle this!

It was poor behavior on her part to try and guilt you into talking to her!!

And the fact that she got her mother involved... well, that's just too much.

This whole family is not considering YOU or YOUR feelings or YOUR needs at all... well, screw 'em! YOU CAN DO BETTER!!!

I know how hard it is to walk away from a relationship that you believed in... I think we all do. (((hugs))) to you and I want you to know that for me, at least (although I bet everyone else here will agree), even though I thought he was the best I'd ever have... and even though I loved him very much... and even though I was afraid I'd never find anything/one quite like him... when I walked away, it was very empowering, and I felt relieved, and now I am with someone a million times better than he was, and I can't believe I thought he was so great for so long. There IS better out there. If you were doubting your relationship, that was your gut telling you YOU CAN DO BETTER.

((((((hugs))))))

 

[kevinraja]

Thanks MaybeDaze for your PM enquiring how I am doing.

I am not doing well as I hoped I would be. I still feel the pain. Still having a tough time, both mentally and emotionally, to cope with things that have happenned. I feel as if I don''t have any energy whatsoever. I lost my apetite. I try to sleep a lot trying to prevet myself from thinking too much, but my sleeps are very discontinous, and as a result feel sleepy during the day. I still think about things, even when I don''t try to, my brain keeps thinking about it during sleep. I am a person who gets quite a bit of dreams during my sleep. It is very rare that I wake up realizing that I didn''t dream that night. Most of my dreams (nighmares?) now a days are about what has happenned recently, which makes it very hard to completely forget and move on. I wake up from the bed with a bad taste from my dreams. Being a researcher, which requires a lot of thinking and full attention to details, I am not able to focus on my work at all. It has not been easy. Sometimes I lose condfidence that I will ever get out of this messy situation. Emotions take over logic most of the time. Even though I know that I haven''t done anything wrong, I still cry sometimes wondering why I have been put through this horrendous situation. Just dragging myself every day to work, and trying to keep my head above, hoping that I will be okay one day afterall.

Thanks for all your support.

 

[MaybeDayze]

Hi Raja,

Thank you for posting. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling well. I'm so sorry to hear it's haunting you even in your sleep - that's awful.
The symptoms you describe are indicators that you are the throws of a deep depression, which isn't surprising considering all you've been through. (HUGS.) Please go see a therapist/psychiatrist, someone who can prescibe. Talk to someone. I know for some men, some people for that matter, there is a huge stigma attached to depression and Therapists/Psychiatrist - but it's not weak to need some support at a time like this. Take care of yourself you're the only one who can.


Hugs, MaybeDayze

P.S. Keep us posted on how you're doing. Many pscopers are thinking about ya!

 

[sparklish]

I''ve just been catching up on your story. I know when I break up w/someone I always feel awful about it for a while. Even when you''ve been wronged, it hurts to know you''ve hurt someone. But stay strong and true to yourself and take some time to recover. As the previous posted said, consider seeing a doctor.

 

[Hest88]

Kevin, no one expects you to get over this immediately. It can take months to get centered again and sometimes years before the pain completely goes away. What you''re feeling is normal. Please ask for whatever support you need.

 

[Patty]

Aw, Kevin, I''m sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time. You describe some of the classic symptoms of depression. You may need the help of medication and/or therapy to get through this. You WILL get better but please don''t be afraid to ask for help.

((((((hugs))))))

 

[Kaleigh]

kevin,
I was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. I''m so sorry you are having a hard time, but that is completely normal and will take you more time to get over this pain. I hope that you feel better soon, keep us posted on your progress, I know it isn''t easy. It will get better though, hang in there we are here for you!!

 

[onedrop]

Ohhhh Kevin:

My heart truly goes out to you right now. I am so glad that you checked in to let us know how you''ve been. It''s understandable that you are not over the hurt that you''ve experienced in your relationship. Just give it time. And while the aftermath of all of the recent events produces hurt, I think it''s a good thing to actually feel the pain and then move past it. If you don''t face the pain, that leads to denial and maybe worse. So feel it, and then eventually release it.

Talking to a therapist is a great way to voice your anger, hurt and sadness w/o the judgement of your friends, family, etc. I highly suggest it. Please take it from someone who has been there, counseling is a great tool!!

Please stay in touch with us!

{{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Jennifer5973]

I can''t believe I just now saw this thread. You poor man. But you did the right thing.

You are depressed and in mourning--mouring for the loss of your relationship, for 5 years of your life, for what will never be with this woman in whom you invested your trust and love.

But you WILL get over it. Talking to someone is not a bad idea. When my parents divorced, it really helped me.

My thoughts are with you.

"You will emerge victorious from the maze you travel in."

 

[blueroses]

I''m glad this thread got bumped--I''d wondered about you too, Kevin, and I hope you will feel free to lean on this.

I agree that you are suffering from depression, which is absolutely understandable given what you''ve endured. You will make it to the other side of this, but there is no need to suffer alone in silence--I also strongly urge you to seek some psychiatric help as you make your way through this--someone to talk to is a must, but your symptoms (changes in sleeping and eating habits, etc.) point directly to a clinical depression, and you ,might really benifit from medication as well. There IS a way out of this! You will find strength in you that you didn''t realize you had, it will just take some time.

(((HUGS)))) HANG IN THERE, and keep us posted.

 

[elepri]

Kevin,
Just caught up with your thread. You did the right thing and the feelings you're experiencing now are absolutely normal, you're going through bereavement basically and feeling depressed. And it might take a few more months before you start getting back to normal. You don't however, have to go through it alone. Unless you have very close friends/family who can provide enough support to get you through this, please look into getting counseling/therapy. It'll help speed up the healing and give you the support you need so much right now. Best of luck.

 

[youngster]

Hi Kevinraja,
I''ve been following this thread from the get-go and am so sorry you are having a tough time. As others have said, what you are feeling is normal, totally normal. It''s going to take time to get over this but you will. Consider perhaps seeing a professional. No one ever has to know but you. Also, perhaps consider getting some good, strenuous daily physical exercise. Go running or walking every single day before or after work or at lunch time. If you belong to a gym, lift weights or use the punching bags. It will make you feel better and stronger and will help you on your road to recovery.

 

[appletini]

Kevin, Stay strong! I don''t have anything to add, everyone else has already said the same thing I would. Just remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[MissAva]

Bless your heart. You need to not be at home alone, joina gym or a book club. Something, anythign where you can socialize and meet new people but not be expected to make conversation at all times. I hope things look up for you soon.

 

[icekid]

kevin- i''ve been wondering how you''re doing also! i''m sorry to hear that you''re still having a tough time, but as everyone else has said.. it really is normal. i went through a tough break up also, and i also tried to keep busy. hang out with your friends, and do things where you can''t possibly not have a good time. maybe even hang out with some new people who won''t remind you of your ex?

i also agree w/ youngster about working out. i worked out pretty hard right after my ex and i broke up and i think it really helped me get out some of my anger at the situation. i stopped eating as well when we broke up; i think because it was something i could control when everything else was not going my way. but do try to eat something, you will feel much stronger! and talking ALWAYS helps. i talked with my friends ad nauseam about my break up, and they really helped me get through all of the tough times. i definitely considered talking with a counselor, and it is something worth looking into.

i hope you find greater peace soon... you are such a sweet guy, and you really deserve to be happy! and i know you''ll get there.