Princess, I''m not consistently able to rise above it. Far from it...man, I''d be a heck of a dame if I could. But I''m trying. Lord knows I have made more rude gestures to other drivers than I care to admit. I''ve just had my panties in a twist far more than the average person in my life and I''m trying to change that.
I was talking more to Deco than to you, but I really am impressed that you''ve recognized a problem and are working at a solution. I know I let other people raise my blood pressure more than I should, and the majority of the time I''m pretty hard to upset. But man, sometimes my feathers get ruffled and watch out! I try to lock myself up with plenty of chocolate and my running shoes when I''m in a Ms. Hyde mood (gotta feed the beast and then run away), but sometimes she breaks out at weird times.
I know I said I was going to drop it...BUT, like I already said, it is a certain TYPE, and NO, they did not just get diagnosed with cancer, THEY. ARE. JUST. RUDE. They are the ones who are rude to people in stores, to waitresses, to people they believe not to be of their own socio-economic status or whatever! And yes, I do derive pleasure from seeing them flustered after I remind them that I am not the doorman. And if that makes me a b*tch, so be it!Date: 3/3/2010 3:31:45 PM
Author: Bia
I know...this was said before...I think the word ''unclassy'' was used.Date: 3/3/2010 3:12:07 PM
Author: decodelighted
Well if its this big deal that brings countless annoyances to your days - maybe reconsider? I think its vastly ruder to chide someone for not thanking you than to BE the non-thanker. There''s plausible deniability for the non-thanker. Maybe they just got diagnosed with cancer and are deep in thought? The SCOLDER is 100% jerktastic. No excuses.Date: 3/3/2010 3:08:09 PM
Author: Bia
thisDate: 3/3/2010 3:07:05 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
If I sense someone behind me, I just hold the door. I don''t turn around and check to see whether they''re worthy of having the door held for them.Date: 3/3/2010 3:01:55 PM
Author: decodelighted
If there''s a certain ''type'' you''re talking about -- why keep opening doors for them? Just stand back & let them do the heavy lifting ...Date: 3/3/2010 2:50:30 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
you''ve been to The Westchester so you know exactly who I mean
ETA: Its as bad as demanding apologies. Really? You think its valid if you have to demand it? You think you can BULLY thank yous and sorrys out of people with sarcasm? Its only a TRUE GIFT or TRUE GRACIOUSNESS if you have no expectation of ''reward''. Y''all are stingy givers.
I disagree with you. I don''t know where you live, but where I live, this is ALL THE TIME. I get annoyed. That''s where HDG''s idea is a good one.
Oops. Heh. Well, yes, I am terribly thin-skinned, which points to me being pretty ego-driven. That''s what I work on...getting past ego. Much easier when I''m alone.
Nah ... I can''t *always* rise above it ... but like Jas said: when I CAN''T ... when I DO say something ... I always regret it. Either it escalates and creates MORE anger/frustration etc --OR-- I feel badly about letting the original infraction get to me that way. Realizing its a no win proposition makes it less tempting to lash out in the moment yanno?
In the immortal words of Elle Woods:Date: 3/3/2010 3:41:31 PM
Author: jas
Oops. Heh. Well, yes, I am terribly thin-skinned, which points to me being pretty ego-driven. That''s what I work on...getting past ego. Much easier when I''m alone.
I also agree with the Chocolate Solution, but heavens woman, running shoes? Rock on with you. I stop at the chocolate and then wonder why my muffin top keeps coming back. Then I get cranky...
Wait...is chocolate my problem?
Maybe everyone in doorways, on public transportation, in restaurants, or on 90/94 here in Illinois need to take a lap. Open doors, seats offered, waitresses spoken to courteously, no one driving up my tailpipe or going 100mph.
Gotcha. Yeah, I know. I almost (almost!) always regret letting it get to me. I''m lucky in that I live in a very polite area - I can''t think of a time when I''ve had a door shut in my face, seen a pregnant woman/woman with children stand while guys in suits lounge across two seats, or anything like that. But I remember living in places where it was very common, and it frustrated me more when I felt like I had to take on the situation instead of just move on.
Touche. I''ll think about that observation.
Ya see ... THIS I don''t find to be ironic. I''m not scolding anyone. We''re talking hypothetically about rudeness and what we each find rude. This isn''t a face to face DECO-to-anyone eyeroll or ''How Rude!" moment. Someone wasn''t rude to me and I countered with rudeness. Nobody held a door for me, or tripped me when I tried to walk through it. There''s a difference between discussing ideology and shooting someone the finger. Wait for it: (irony)
Sure you are. Own it.Date: 3/3/2010 3:55:50 PM
Author: decodelighted
Ya see ... THIS I don''t find to be ironic. I''m not scolding anyone. We''re talking hypothetically about rudeness and what we each find rude. This isn''t a face to face DECO-to-anyone eyeroll or ''How Rude!'' moment. Someone wasn''t rude to me and I countered with rudeness. Nobody held a door for me, or tripped me when I tried to walk through it. There''s a difference between discussing ideology and shooting someone the finger. Wait for it: (irony)
Yes.Date: 3/3/2010 2:28:03 PM
Author: decodelighted
Sometimes folks just don''t know better. I''ve been the ''backpack violator'' myself (shamefully). Was traveling the first time in Europe and just didn''t realize it was bad manners to wear the backpack on the crowded train. A VERY IRATE elderly Italian man set me straight and it didn''t take me learning Italian to know what he meant.I also remember learning from others that you should stand to the right of an escalator so other people can pass you if you''re just going to ride.
Not everybody''s parents covered ALL the courtesy bases. Sometimes stuff doesn''t come UP during the time you have with your parents. If you see friends/siblings/nephews/nieces behaving in discourteous ways -- maybe THAT''s a good place to bring it up gently. Offering advice to strangers (nicely or rudely) is trickier territory.
I also think its unwise to feel ENTITLED to offered seats, opened doors, people lifting your bags in & out of the overhead compartment etc. And unwise to challenge the overtly rude. You really never know who is going to snap on you violently. Is smugness worth THAT possibility?
Its interesting that you think so. I thought we were all stating our own opinions - not telling each other what to do (or what one SHOULD do in the future). Are the folks who are shaming people who don''t thank door openers also scolding people ya think?
See highlights: It sure felt like a scolding...Date: 3/3/2010 3:12:07 PM
Author: decodelighted
Well if its this big deal that brings countless annoyances to your days - maybe reconsider? I think its vastly ruder to chide someone for not thanking you than to BE the non-thanker. There''s plausible deniability for the non-thanker. Maybe they just got diagnosed with cancer and are deep in thought? The SCOLDER is 100% jerktastic. No excuses.Date: 3/3/2010 3:08:09 PM
Author: Bia
thisDate: 3/3/2010 3:07:05 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
If I sense someone behind me, I just hold the door. I don''t turn around and check to see whether they''re worthy of having the door held for them.Date: 3/3/2010 3:01:55 PM
Author: decodelighted
If there''s a certain ''type'' you''re talking about -- why keep opening doors for them? Just stand back & let them do the heavy lifting ...Date: 3/3/2010 2:50:30 PM
Author: hisdiamondgirl
you''ve been to The Westchester so you know exactly who I mean
ETA: Its as bad as demanding apologies. Really? You think its valid if you have to demand it? You think you can BULLY thank yous and sorrys out of people with sarcasm? Its only a TRUE GIFT or TRUE GRACIOUSNESS if you have no expectation of ''reward''. Y''all are stingy givers.
Getting rather *personal*, no? Did I **** in your pudding, love?
<--- Okay, I''ve always thought your cat is cute, but now he''s staring at me with this weird passive-agressive smile. I can just SEE his paws twitching!Date: 3/3/2010 2:14:04 PM
Author: Haven
Hey--Don''t drag me into this!
I can be as rude as they come, but I''ve found that the killing-people-with-kindness route is much more satisfying because it makes the rude people mad as hell.I imagine my intentions for simply smiling are the rudest of all, actually. I just get off looking kind, but inside I''m twiddling my fingertips together and thinking ''MWUAHAHAHAHAHAA! I just made you even angrier!'' See? I''m rude.
Guess people who see themselves in the behavior I''m talking about probably don''t like being called out for it. Totes Haven-
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