Is basic chivalry/courtesy dead?

[zoebartlett]

Date: 3/3/2010 10:35:04 AM
Author: princesss

Date: 3/3/2010 10:29:11 AM

Author: elledizzy5

Date: 3/3/2010 10:19:37 AM

Author: janinegirly

Date: 3/3/2010 10:01:11 AM

Author: elledizzy5

I''m shocked at how frequently people are rude to others in public. Seriously shocked. People have become selfish to a ridiculous degree.


I can tell because any time I hold the door for someone, I get a sincere smile and a really meaningful ''Thank you!'' as if it was a shock to them that a stranger considered someone other than themselves.

elledizzy, on the flip side my DH does make a habit of stepping out of the way and fully opening doors for those coming behind and he says he''s amazed at how often people stroll through without barely a head nod let alone a thank you. I''m one of those who says ''thank you'' profusely, because honestly it is not something you can take for granted anymore.

I would be offended if I stopped to hold a door for someone and didn''t get any sort of thank you! That''s terrible!

Okay, random question: how many times do you say thank you when walking through a double set of doors? Like at the mall where there are inner and outer doors? I try to say thank you the first time and find a way to rush ahead and get the second door, but sometimes that doesn''t work, and I end up feeling really silly saying thank you twice for the same thing in under a minute.

I do the same thing. I say "thank you" twice if needed; sure, it feels silly sometimes, but I don''t care.

One thing that drives me nuts is when people don''t look behind them as they''re walking through a door and they let it close (or it nearly closes before someone else grabs it).

I can''t stand this type of rude behavior people have mentioned here. Are people really SO absorbed in their own world that they don''t notice when it''s appropriate to be kind, polite, say "thanks," etc? It floors me how rude some people are.

 

[Karl_K]

Talking about rude people!
At a grocery store near my house there is a guy working there as a bagger that is developmentally disadvantaged.
He is pretty good at bagging groceries and friendly.
Everyone likes him.
Some lady was giving him a hard time because he put something in with another thing didn't catch what it was but she was yelling and shoving him.
I was ready to go over and deck her.

Then one of the cashiers got up in her face and told her to leave or she was calling the cops.

 

[Kaleigh]

Date: 3/3/2010 6:02:28 PM
Author: Karl_K

Talking about rude people!
At a grocery store near my house there is a guy working there as a bagger that is developmentally disadvantaged.
He is pretty good at bagging groceries and friendly.
Everyone likes him.
Some lady was giving him a hard time because he put something in with another thing didn''t catch what it was but she was yelling and shoving him.
I was ready to go over and deck her.

Then one of the cashiers got up in her face and told her to leave or she was calling the cops.

Oh that makes me so mad. Glad the cashier got up in her face. UGHHHHH.

 

[onvacation]

where does she get off shoving other people?

 

[decodelighted]

COURTESY AT ALL COSTS!!! DEMAND that gratitude! Work on the perfect joker smile to be able to turn around at that mall door and say "Aren''t you GRATEFUL to me??" with the proper wild eye/ frothing rage ratio. Orrrrrrrr just relax & let karma do its thing.

 

[jewelz617]

Date: 3/3/2010 6:30:45 PM
Author: decodelighted
COURTESY AT ALL COSTS!!! DEMAND that gratitude! Work on the perfect joker smile to be able to turn around at that mall door and say ''Aren''t you GRATEFUL to me??'' with the proper wild eye/ frothing rage ratio. Orrrrrrrr just relax & let karma do its thing.

I don''t know if you saw my last post, but I agree about the karma thing. If you are a person who does good things for others, good things WILL come back to you in some way, shape or form. Always.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2010 6:33:53 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/3/2010 6:30:45 PM

Author: decodelighted

COURTESY AT ALL COSTS!!! DEMAND that gratitude! Work on the perfect joker smile to be able to turn around at that mall door and say ''Aren''t you GRATEFUL to me??'' with the proper wild eye/ frothing rage ratio. Orrrrrrrr just relax & let karma do its thing.

I don''t know if you saw my last post, but I agree about the karma thing. If you are a person who does good things for others, good things WILL come back to you in some way, shape or form. Always.

Yes. I agree w/your post. Personally I make it a point to say thank you when people open doors for me and I try hard to be aware of my surroundings & opportunities to be helpful to others and to appreciate when people go above and beyond for me. Just yesterday a woman saw me standing with just two items at the Sams Club and offered to let me go in front of her. I thanked her *profusely* but noted that she only had a few items herself & that I wasn''t in a hurry. The woman in question?: the *kind* being profiled over at The Westchester.

 

[gardengloves]

Date: 3/3/2010 6:33:53 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678

Date: 3/3/2010 6:30:45 PM

Author: decodelighted

COURTESY AT ALL COSTS!!! DEMAND that gratitude! Work on the perfect joker smile to be able to turn around at that mall door and say ''Aren''t you GRATEFUL to me??'' with the proper wild eye/ frothing rage ratio. Orrrrrrrr just relax & let karma do its thing.

I don''t know if you saw my last post, but I agree about the karma thing. If you are a person who does good things for others, good things WILL come back to you in some way, shape or form. Always.

Absolutely, It''s always good to take a moment, look around and extend kindness where you can, it makes the world a better place, individual by individual- you never know when your going to need someone to be kind to you.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2010 4:46:36 PM
Author: PinkAsscher678
It took 5 seconds out of your day to do something that is considered common decency anyway.

Exactly. A "thank you" is appropriate but not OMG MOST IMPORTANT THING EVAH. Its not like you detailed their car.

 

[HollyS]

Is basic chivalry/courtesy dead?


Yes. And I live in the South. Texas is well known for the chivalry of its men. But the times, they are a-changin''.

Too many people are so caught up in their own wonderfulness, their own reality, starring in their own movie-of-the-week, that they fail to care about extending common courtesy to others. That, and their parents failed them.

 

[iheartscience]

Ha, timely thread. I was going into the hospital food court today and the woman going in directly in front of me let the door slam right in my face. She seemed a bit off so I didn''t really care. I tend to just ignore rude people but occasionally I will call them out. I guess I''m in the middle of the two camps? I was more in the call them out camp when I was younger, but the older I get the less I care. I''m just too lazy for drama.

I''ll admit that I do like to kill people with kindness occasionally. Someone who works in my department but in a different office is super rude and will ignore you completely even if you look directly at them, smile and say hello. So I go back and forth between totally ignoring them back and being overly friendly.

Guess it depends on my mood that day?

I think what gets me more than things like not holding a door for me is a sense of entitlement. For example, on a flight home from my vacation a couple year ago this guy rushed off the plane before anyone and shoved past this little old lady to do it. Because he''s SUPER IMPORTANT-more important than the rest of us! His rush? Getting to the duty free shop to buy liquor. He then proceeded to bully the sales clerk into letting him take the booze on the next flight we were on, swigged out of the bottle of vodka on the plane and got so drunk the flight attendants ended up hogtying him in the back row of seats.

In the midst of his fight with the flight attendants he of course shouted repeatedly that he was American and his dad was a lawyer. But before it got to that point I called him out on being loud and rude and ruining the flight for everyone around him. My husband and sister were desperately trying to pretend that they didn''t know me, but everyone was happy I said something. Sometimes I think it''s necessary to call people out.

Anyway, I guess my point is that I try to let go of the small stuff, but when it''s big, I have to say something. I''d be more angry with myself for sitting there silently than speaking up and possibly creating drama.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2010 7:07:53 PM
Author: thing2of2
Anyway, I guess my point is that I try to let go of the small stuff, but when it''s big, I have to say something.

Was that guy on his way from an episode of INTERVENTION to a treatment facility?

It sounds less like "entitled" and more like "diseased" to me but I wasn''t there. Hog-tied? Yikes. Maybe that would have been a safer time to tell him off.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/3/2010 7:16:59 PM
Author: decodelighted

Date: 3/3/2010 7:07:53 PM

Author: thing2of2

Anyway, I guess my point is that I try to let go of the small stuff, but when it's big, I have to say something.

Was that guy on his way from an episode of INTERVENTION to a treatment facility?

It sounds less like 'entitled' and more like 'diseased' to me but I wasn't there. Hog-tied? Yikes. Maybe that would have been a safer time to tell him off.

Ha, he wasn't totally bonkers when I was calling him out or I probably would have refrained! He was just perfecting his obnoxious, drunk, entitled American frat boy act. When I called him out about an hour into the flight he was talking crazily loud, and headphones and plane noise couldn't drown him out. So I shushed him and when he turned around I said "Be quiet! You're talking too loud!" He stopped being so loud for a few minutes but then started up again, and this time he started telling the poor guy next to him (the unwilling accomplice to the INSANELY LOUD "conversation") how rude I was and how I was probably from New York or Boston! Hahaha I then had to inform him that he was the rude one, and was ruining the flight for everyone around him.

He got increasingly loud as the flight went on and started swigging out of the vodka bottle so I called the flight attendant and complained. That's when he started pulling his "I'm an AMERICAN! My dad's a LAWYER!" crap. The captain actually told him (with the sweetest Spanish accent) "You're not in America right now! Don't make me bring the heat!"

Eventually he got drunker and drunker and attempted to "leave" the plane by putting his bag on, slurring "I'm outta here" and making his way towards the emergency exit. That's when he got dragged to the back and hogtied with the demonstration seatbelts. When that happened he started screaming at the top of his lungs "HELP MEEEEEEE! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE! SWEETHEART, DARLING, PLEASE HELP ME!" He also locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out. Oh and then he puked and our friends who were closer to the back got to smell that the rest of the way home.

When we landed the police came on the plane to take him off but sadly he was so out of control we didn't get to see him dragged off. Needless to say I will never forget that flight!

 

[rierie26]

Date: 3/3/2010 7:07:53 PM
Author: thing2of2
Ha, timely thread. I was going into the hospital food court today and the woman going in directly in front of me let the door slam right in my face. She seemed a bit off so I didn''t really care. I tend to just ignore rude people but occasionally I will call them out. I guess I''m in the middle of the two camps? I was more in the call them out camp when I was younger, but the older I get the less I care. I''m just too lazy for drama.


I''ll admit that I do like to kill people with kindness occasionally. Someone who works in my department but in a different office is super rude and will ignore you completely even if you look directly at them, smile and say hello. So I go back and forth between totally ignoring them back and being overly friendly.

Guess it depends on my mood that day?


I think what gets me more than things like not holding a door for me is a sense of entitlement. For example, on a flight home from my vacation a couple year ago this guy rushed off the plane before anyone and shoved past this little old lady to do it. Because he''s SUPER IMPORTANT-more important than the rest of us! His rush? Getting to the duty free shop to buy liquor. He then proceeded to bully the sales clerk into letting him take the booze on the next flight we were on, swigged out of the bottle of vodka on the plane and got so drunk the flight attendants ended up hogtying him in the back row of seats.


In the midst of his fight with the flight attendants he of course shouted repeatedly that he was American and his dad was a lawyer. But before it got to that point I called him out on being loud and rude and ruining the flight for everyone around him. My husband and sister were desperately trying to pretend that they didn''t know me, but everyone was happy I said something. Sometimes I think it''s necessary to call people out.


Anyway, I guess my point is that I try to let go of the small stuff, but when it''s big, I have to say something. I''d be more angry with myself for sitting there silently than speaking up and possibly creating drama.

Ahahahahahaha. I would pay to see this...but not on any flight I was on. LOL.

 

[decodelighted]

Date: 3/3/2010 7:29:00 PM
Author: thing2of2
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE! SWEETHEART, DARLING, PLEASE HELP ME!'

Charming too! I guess a little spotty on the manners part .... he had the "please" but not the "thank you". So close!

 

[Cehrabehra]

I''ll add my little passive aggressive bit to this pile... I am a door holder. I think it''s a nice gesture that requires very little effort. Sometimes me and someone else will form a symbiotic you open this one and I''ll open that one. I admit I do like a little acknowledgment. Maybe I am selfish that way. I don''t need a thank you, but a smile is wonderful. Nods work, even a glance of eye contact is enough. But sometimes a group of people will start going through the door and not one of them even looks at me like I''m some door holding fixture and I say nothing, I just let go of the door. Then of course *I* am the rude one and I''m okay with that. I don''t need praise, I just want to have the fact that I exist noticed. It really isn''t my job, I''m not a wooden wedge.

Incidentally China is not a country where any of these things are relevant. If I hold a door for someone here they bow and say thank you 3 times - it''s just unheard of. Heck, the cars don''t even slow down for the pedestrians. I think it could be noted that most of these expectations are american.

 

[Amber St. Clare]

Date: 3/3/2010 10:05:59 AM
Author: atroop711

Date: 3/3/2010 9:50:27 AM
Author:janinegirly
Warning, vent ahead!


Yesterday I had an experience that made me wonder what was wrong with *some* people or in my case, young males. I was on my usual train home--it was packed. So I stood 75% of the way with my packed heavy Wholefoods bag. Normally I would stand the whole way but I had a 1 mile walk ahead of me (since I walk home when I can from the station) so when a seat opened up, I walked over. There was a young man, maybe 19, stretched out. He looked at me and didn't move.

I quietly said 'excuse me' and motioned that I would like to sit. He stared for about 10 lonnnng seconds, exhaled audibly and begrudgingly moved his legs over. WTH???? What is wrong with people? He was well dressed, this wasn't some young man who had some unfortunate circumstance that led him to not know common courtesy. There have also been a few times when I have also seen men not get up for pregnant women or wait till the last minute (more often I will see a woman give her seat up or offer). Maybe chivalry from strangers really is dead.

this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. As a mother I practice what I preach and I'm always teaching my 3 dc to do right. We live in NYC and take the bus every day. When I'm in a seat and I see a senior, a pg woman, a mom holding a small child, a person with a cane or crutch, ect, I offer my seat regardless of my own disability. My 10 yr old does the same (I'm so proud of her) and even my almost 6 yr old will offer her seat and hop on my lap.

It kills me that we see these men in suits, early 20-30s sit there and don't give a damn about a very pregnant women standing in a packed bus. I think to myself...did your mother ever teach you manners? I also think to myself, would you let your mother stand? Shame on you.

I have observed in NYC (and this is my observation not trying to start a debate or argument) the majority to offer a seat are the young black and hispanic men from the inner city areas (which I live VERY close to). They have been the first ones to get up and offer a seat to me or any other woman. They may be poor but were raised with respect toward women, elderly and children. Now those Wall St suits...NEVER ONCE during my 3 pregnancies did they ever give up a seat. Not even when I got on the bus with a body brace after back surgery would the 'suits' give up their seat. I've had elderly men (80+ yrs old) offer me their seats but I do realize they are from a diff. generation which taught respect and courtesy. I also think the women on our NYC buses don't offer other pregnant women their seats either. DRIVES ME NUTS. As a mom of 2 girls and a son..they will always be taught to treat others as they would want to be treated.

I actually called a couple of guys out about sitting while a visibly pregnant woman stood and was told this:


"This is women's lib. Pregnancy isn't a disability. She wants to work while pregnant it's her problem, not mine" while two similar aged males nodded vigoriously in agreement.


I was speechless!

 

[Haven]

Date: 3/3/2010 4:49:33 PM
Author: onvacation

Date: 3/3/2010 2:14:04 PM
Author: Haven
Hey--Don''t drag me into this!

I can be as rude as they come, but I''ve found that the killing-people-with-kindness route is much more satisfying because it makes the rude people mad as hell.

I imagine my intentions for simply smiling are the rudest of all, actually. I just get off looking kind, but inside I''m twiddling my fingertips together and thinking ''MWUAHAHAHAHAHAA! I just made you even angrier!'' See? I''m rude.

<--- Okay, I''ve always thought your cat is cute, but now he''s staring at me with this weird passive-agressive smile. I can just SEE his paws twitching!

HA! That''s hilarious.
Don''t worry about my little Geddy. He *is* the sweetest guy in the world. I should try to be more like him.

 

[kenny]

Date: 3/3/2010 8:05:40 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
Incidentally China is not a country where any of these things are relevant. If I hold a door for someone here they bow and say thank you 3 times - it''s just unheard of. Heck, the cars don''t even slow down for the pedestrians. I think it could be noted that most of these expectations are american.

That''s why it is sooo wonderful to not just travel as a tourist but live in other cultures.
It opens your head up.

 

[Circe]

Date: 3/3/2010 9:09:03 PM
Author: Amber St. Clare

Date: 3/3/2010 10:05:59 AM

Author: atroop711

Date: 3/3/2010 9:50:27 AM

Author:janinegirly

Warning, vent ahead!



Yesterday I had an experience that made me wonder what was wrong with *some* people or in my case, young males. I was on my usual train home--it was packed. So I stood 75% of the way with my packed heavy Wholefoods bag. Normally I would stand the whole way but I had a 1 mile walk ahead of me (since I walk home when I can from the station) so when a seat opened up, I walked over. There was a young man, maybe 19, stretched out. He looked at me and didn''t move.


I quietly said ''excuse me'' and motioned that I would like to sit. He stared for about 10 lonnnng seconds, exhaled audibly and begrudgingly moved his legs over. WTH???? What is wrong with people? He was well dressed, this wasn''t some young man who had some unfortunate circumstance that led him to not know common courtesy. There have also been a few times when I have also seen men not get up for pregnant women or wait till the last minute (more often I will see a woman give her seat up or offer). Maybe chivalry from strangers really is dead.

this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. As a mother I practice what I preach and I''m always teaching my 3 dc to do right. We live in NYC and take the bus every day. When I''m in a seat and I see a senior, a pg woman, a mom holding a small child, a person with a cane or crutch, ect, I offer my seat regardless of my own disability. My 10 yr old does the same (I''m so proud of her) and even my almost 6 yr old will offer her seat and hop on my lap.


It kills me that we see these men in suits, early 20-30s sit there and don''t give a damn about a very pregnant women standing in a packed bus. I think to myself...did your mother ever teach you manners? I also think to myself, would you let your mother stand? Shame on you.


I have observed in NYC (and this is my observation not trying to start a debate or argument) the majority to offer a seat are the young black and hispanic men from the inner city areas (which I live VERY close to). They have been the first ones to get up and offer a seat to me or any other woman. They may be poor but were raised with respect toward women, elderly and children. Now those Wall St suits...NEVER ONCE during my 3 pregnancies did they ever give up a seat. Not even when I got on the bus with a body brace after back surgery would the ''suits'' give up their seat. I''ve had elderly men (80+ yrs old) offer me their seats but I do realize they are from a diff. generation which taught respect and courtesy. I also think the women on our NYC buses don''t offer other pregnant women their seats either. DRIVES ME NUTS. As a mom of 2 girls and a son..they will always be taught to treat others as they would want to be treated.

I actually called a couple of guys out about sitting while a visibly pregnant woman stood and was told this:



''This is women''s lib. Pregnancy isn''t a disability. She wants to work while pregnant it''s her problem, not mine'' while two similar aged males nodded vigoriously in agreement.



I was speechless!

Anti-feminism lite. Passive-aggressive frustration with the fact that women want to have it "both ways" - autonomy and a little extra for the whole, you know, physical hardship of childbearing. (One has to wonder how they knew the pregnant lady was working and not, say, heading home after a hard day of traditional femininity.) It''s code for "I hate how women''s rights challenges my dominion." On the plus side, it''s a great way to ID jerks.

I think "chivalry" is a really problematic phrase, on every level. Track it back far enough, and the root is "chevalier," knight - and it literally means, one who owns a horse. Translation, the rich are different: nicer. It became a gendered term during the Crusades, when Eleanor of Aquitaine utilized Courtly Love as a way to win a little back for the ladies.

These days? As many of the above comments indicate, if you''re a little privileged, there''s a strong parallel to being
a lot privileged. I don''t want special treatment because I have girl parts, but it would be nice it the people who are producing the next generation could get a seat.

P.S. - In my younger days, I made the mistake of offering my seat to older gentlemen who didn''t look like they felt well. They would invariably be unwilling to accept, and, invariably, some dude my age would take the spot. Hey, I gave it up, so, fine by me, but ... one does have to wonder what the internal rationale on their part was ....

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 3/3/2010 9:09:03 PM
Author: Amber St. Clare

Date: 3/3/2010 10:05:59 AM

Author: atroop711

Date: 3/3/2010 9:50:27 AM

Author:janinegirly

Warning, vent ahead!



Yesterday I had an experience that made me wonder what was wrong with *some* people or in my case, young males. I was on my usual train home--it was packed. So I stood 75% of the way with my packed heavy Wholefoods bag. Normally I would stand the whole way but I had a 1 mile walk ahead of me (since I walk home when I can from the station) so when a seat opened up, I walked over. There was a young man, maybe 19, stretched out. He looked at me and didn''t move.


I quietly said ''excuse me'' and motioned that I would like to sit. He stared for about 10 lonnnng seconds, exhaled audibly and begrudgingly moved his legs over. WTH???? What is wrong with people? He was well dressed, this wasn''t some young man who had some unfortunate circumstance that led him to not know common courtesy. There have also been a few times when I have also seen men not get up for pregnant women or wait till the last minute (more often I will see a woman give her seat up or offer). Maybe chivalry from strangers really is dead.

this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. As a mother I practice what I preach and I''m always teaching my 3 dc to do right. We live in NYC and take the bus every day. When I''m in a seat and I see a senior, a pg woman, a mom holding a small child, a person with a cane or crutch, ect, I offer my seat regardless of my own disability. My 10 yr old does the same (I''m so proud of her) and even my almost 6 yr old will offer her seat and hop on my lap.


It kills me that we see these men in suits, early 20-30s sit there and don''t give a damn about a very pregnant women standing in a packed bus. I think to myself...did your mother ever teach you manners? I also think to myself, would you let your mother stand? Shame on you.


I have observed in NYC (and this is my observation not trying to start a debate or argument) the majority to offer a seat are the young black and hispanic men from the inner city areas (which I live VERY close to). They have been the first ones to get up and offer a seat to me or any other woman. They may be poor but were raised with respect toward women, elderly and children. Now those Wall St suits...NEVER ONCE during my 3 pregnancies did they ever give up a seat. Not even when I got on the bus with a body brace after back surgery would the ''suits'' give up their seat. I''ve had elderly men (80+ yrs old) offer me their seats but I do realize they are from a diff. generation which taught respect and courtesy. I also think the women on our NYC buses don''t offer other pregnant women their seats either. DRIVES ME NUTS. As a mom of 2 girls and a son..they will always be taught to treat others as they would want to be treated.

I actually called a couple of guys out about sitting while a visibly pregnant woman stood and was told this:



''This is women''s lib. Pregnancy isn''t a disability. She wants to work while pregnant it''s her problem, not mine'' while two similar aged males nodded vigoriously in agreement.



I was speechless!

Wow what d-bags! I don''t even know what I would''ve said to that - maybe something along the lines of, REAL men know the inherent value of common courtesy. How about you grow a pair or two and figure it out?


So I was unwittingly the cause of rudeness, apparently, when I was living in Tokyo. Apparently it''s a big no-no to cross your legs on the subway. It takes up the person next to you''s room. So I''m in a near empty car, there are like 6 people on it, and no one sitting next to me. One middle-aged guy is sitting one seat down from me. He was apparently offended by my attempt to remain modest while wearing a skirt (hence crossing my legs) and apparently my short little 5''1" legs invaded his space (you know, that entire empty seat next to me). He not only started yelling at me, but when he realized I had NO F''ing idea what he was saying (since he was speaking Japanese), he actually proceeded to push my knee off my leg (um...yeah, inappropriate, don''t touch me) and then when I decided to be passive-aggressive and cross my legs again, he kicked me. HE KICKED ME!

Anyway, my point is that people can be total d-bags on public transportation and hey, I like killing people with kindness too, but in extreme situations like that, I will definitely tell someone off (in this case, in English, Spanish and Korean, calling him some very nasty things).

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/3/2010 7:29:00 PM
Author: thing2of2


Ha, he wasn''t totally bonkers when I was calling him out or I probably would have refrained! He was just perfecting his obnoxious, drunk, entitled American frat boy act. When I called him out about an hour into the flight he was talking crazily loud, and headphones and plane noise couldn''t drown him out. So I shushed him and when he turned around I said ''Be quiet! You''re talking too loud!'' He stopped being so loud for a few minutes but then started up again, and this time he started telling the poor guy next to him (the unwilling accomplice to the INSANELY LOUD ''conversation'') how rude I was and how I was probably from New York or Boston! Hahaha I then had to inform him that he was the rude one, and was ruining the flight for everyone around him.

He got increasingly loud as the flight went on and started swigging out of the vodka bottle so I called the flight attendant and complained. That''s when he started pulling his ''I''m an AMERICAN! My dad''s a LAWYER!'' crap. The captain actually told him (with the sweetest Spanish accent) ''You''re not in America right now! Don''t make me bring the heat!''

Eventually he got drunker and drunker and attempted to ''leave'' the plane by putting his bag on, slurring ''I''m outta here'' and making his way towards the emergency exit. That''s when he got dragged to the back and hogtied with the demonstration seatbelts. When that happened he started screaming at the top of his lungs ''HELP MEEEEEEE! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE! SWEETHEART, DARLING, PLEASE HELP ME!'' He also locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn''t come out. Oh and then he puked and our friends who were closer to the back got to smell that the rest of the way home.

When we landed the police came on the plane to take him off but sadly he was so out of control we didn''t get to see him dragged off. Needless to say I will never forget that flight!

There was a CSI episode that was exactly like this!!! They thought the guy was drunk, he was being loud and obnoxious. Guy wanted to get out of the plane and was trying to unlock the exit. Other passengers and flight attendants had to tie him down and eventually killed him. Turns out the guy was having a brain hemorrhage.

BTW, good for you for speaking up. I''m sure everyone on the flight loved you for doing that!

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/3/2010 10:06:04 PM
Author: Brown.Eyed.Girl

Wow what d-bags! I don''t even know what I would''ve said to that - maybe something along the lines of, REAL men know the inherent value of common courtesy. How about you grow a pair or two and figure it out?


So I was unwittingly the cause of rudeness, apparently, when I was living in Tokyo. Apparently it''s a big no-no to cross your legs on the subway. It takes up the person next to you''s room. So I''m in a near empty car, there are like 6 people on it, and no one sitting next to me. One middle-aged guy is sitting one seat down from me. He was apparently offended by my attempt to remain modest while wearing a skirt (hence crossing my legs) and apparently my short little 5''1'' legs invaded his space (you know, that entire empty seat next to me). He not only started yelling at me, but when he realized I had NO F''ing idea what he was saying (since he was speaking Japanese), he actually proceeded to push my knee off my leg (um...yeah, inappropriate, don''t touch me) and then when I decided to be passive-aggressive and cross my legs again, he kicked me. HE KICKED ME!

Anyway, my point is that people can be total d-bags on public transportation and hey, I like killing people with kindness too, but in extreme situations like that, I will definitely tell someone off (in this case, in English, Spanish and Korean, calling him some very nasty things).

I. CAN. NOT. BELIEVE. THIS.

What a dbag

 

[kama_s]

Date: 3/3/2010 9:44:03 PM
Author: Circe



P.S. - In my younger days, I made the mistake of offering my seat to older gentlemen who didn''t look like they felt well. They would invariably be unwilling to accept, and, invariably, some dude my age would take the spot. Hey, I gave it up, so, fine by me, but ... one does have to wonder what the internal rationale on their part was ....

This reminded me of something. A few years ago I shared an elevater with an older gentleman. When we hit ground, I held the door open to let him exit first. He retorts: ''obviously chivalry is dead in this day and age when a youg woman is holding the door open for me. Let me show you how men are supposed to act'' and proceeds to not only open the elevator door but the next two glass doors for me and then tips his hat and wishes me a good day.

 

[iheartscience]

Date: 3/3/2010 10:39:14 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 3/3/2010 7:29:00 PM

Author: thing2of2

Ha, he wasn''t totally bonkers when I was calling him out or I probably would have refrained! He was just perfecting his obnoxious, drunk, entitled American frat boy act. When I called him out about an hour into the flight he was talking crazily loud, and headphones and plane noise couldn''t drown him out. So I shushed him and when he turned around I said ''Be quiet! You''re talking too loud!'' He stopped being so loud for a few minutes but then started up again, and this time he started telling the poor guy next to him (the unwilling accomplice to the INSANELY LOUD ''conversation'') how rude I was and how I was probably from New York or Boston! Hahaha I then had to inform him that he was the rude one, and was ruining the flight for everyone around him.

He got increasingly loud as the flight went on and started swigging out of the vodka bottle so I called the flight attendant and complained. That''s when he started pulling his ''I''m an AMERICAN! My dad''s a LAWYER!'' crap. The captain actually told him (with the sweetest Spanish accent) ''You''re not in America right now! Don''t make me bring the heat!''

Eventually he got drunker and drunker and attempted to ''leave'' the plane by putting his bag on, slurring ''I''m outta here'' and making his way towards the emergency exit. That''s when he got dragged to the back and hogtied with the demonstration seatbelts. When that happened he started screaming at the top of his lungs ''HELP MEEEEEEE! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE! SWEETHEART, DARLING, PLEASE HELP ME!'' He also locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn''t come out. Oh and then he puked and our friends who were closer to the back got to smell that the rest of the way home.

When we landed the police came on the plane to take him off but sadly he was so out of control we didn''t get to see him dragged off. Needless to say I will never forget that flight!

There was a CSI episode that was exactly like this!!! They thought the guy was drunk, he was being loud and obnoxious. Guy wanted to get out of the plane and was trying to unlock the exit. Other passengers and flight attendants had to tie him down and eventually killed him. Turns out the guy was having a brain hemorrhage.

BTW, good for you for speaking up. I''m sure everyone on the flight loved you for doing that!

kama-apparently that happened in real life a few years ago! A passenger on an airplane was unruly so other passengers held him down and accidentally killed him. I think they suffocated him to death. I''m not sure if it was a brain hemorrhage that caused his unruly behavior, though.

And yeah, EVERYONE was on my side but no one else said anything! I was flying from Costa Rica to the US (with a plane change in El Salvador) and he was loud on the first flight, too, but not nearly as bad. All of the non-American (I''m assuming Costa Rican and El Salvadoran) passengers were clearly upset but none of them said a thing to him or the flight attendants. I wonder if it was cultural or just those particular passengers. Guess it takes an obnoxious American to tell another obnoxious American to shut it?

 

[Brown.Eyed.Girl]

Date: 3/3/2010 10:51:43 PM
Author: kama_s

Date: 3/3/2010 9:44:03 PM

Author: Circe




P.S. - In my younger days, I made the mistake of offering my seat to older gentlemen who didn't look like they felt well. They would invariably be unwilling to accept, and, invariably, some dude my age would take the spot. Hey, I gave it up, so, fine by me, but ... one does have to wonder what the internal rationale on their part was ....

This reminded me of something. A few years ago I shared an elevater with an older gentleman. When we hit ground, I held the door open to let him exit first. He retorts: 'obviously chivalry is dead in this day and age when a youg woman is holding the door open for me. Let me show you how men are supposed to act' and proceeds to not only open the elevator door but the next two glass doors for me and then tips his hat and wishes me a good day.

Aww that's cute!

Oh I have a GOOD story. I was in my local Borders yesterday (I live in South Side Chicago btw) and as I was leaving, these three teenage guys were so sweet and rushed forward to open the double doors for me. I thought it was cute (even though while trying to flirt with me, they also managed to call me old, lol) and that chivalry wasn't dead.

ETA: Thing, I remember this story, and I wanted to say, good for you for speaking up!

 

[Delster]

I'm a door holder and I try to always thank anyone who holds a door for me. If that means saying 'thank you!' three times going through a series of doors, I do! If I forget to say thank you for someone holding a door for me I feel so guilty afterward.

Yesterday I was walking into a very old public building here. It has enormous wooden exterior doors and equally enormous glass interior doors with heavy wooden panels along them to grip for opening them. The man walking in in front of me let the interior door slam behind him as we walked through. He knew I was there as he had looked back on the way in. The wooden panel would have hit me in the face but I put my hand up to defend myself. I got my arm caught between the two doors and it hurt so much I screamed and I confess I used an expletive... he turned around, stared me straight in the face and gave me the hairy eyeball. I couldn't believe it. He thought I was rude for screaming in pain???

Date: 3/3/2010 8:05:40 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
I'll add my little passive aggressive bit to this pile... I am a door holder. I think it's a nice gesture that requires very little effort. Sometimes me and someone else will form a symbiotic you open this one and I'll open that one. I admit I do like a little acknowledgment. Maybe I am selfish that way. I don't need a thank you, but a smile is wonderful. Nods work, even a glance of eye contact is enough. But sometimes a group of people will start going through the door and not one of them even looks at me like I'm some door holding fixture and I say nothing, I just let go of the door. Then of course *I* am the rude one and I'm okay with that. I don't need praise, I just want to have the fact that I exist noticed. It really isn't my job, I'm not a wooden wedge.


Incidentally China is not a country where any of these things are relevant. If I hold a door for someone here they bow and say thank you 3 times - it's just unheard of. Heck, the cars don't even slow down for the pedestrians. I think it could be noted that most of these expectations are american.

Cehra how did you find things over here in Ireland?

I once did a trip that involved a week in Seattle, a bus ride over the border to Canada and then a week in Vancouver, and then back to Seattle. The difference in common courtesy was marked - Canadians are so polite!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 3/4/2010 6:09:14 AM
Author: Delster
I''m a door holder and I try to always thank anyone who holds a door for me. If that means saying ''thank you!'' three times going through a series of doors, I do! If I forget to say thank you for someone holding a door for me I feel so guilty afterward.


Yesterday I was walking into a very old public building here. It has enormous wooden exterior doors and equally enormous glass interior doors with heavy wooden panels along them to grip for opening them. The man walking in in front of me let the interior door slam behind him as we walked through the interior door. He knew I was there as he had looked back on the way in. The wooden panel would have hit me in the face but I put my hand up to defend myself. I got my arm caught between the two doors and it hurt so much I screamed and I confess I used an expletive... he turned around, stared me straight in the face and gave me the hairy eyeball. I couldn''t believe it. He thought I was rude for screaming in pain???

Date: 3/3/2010 8:05:40 PM

Author: Cehrabehra

I''ll add my little passive aggressive bit to this pile... I am a door holder. I think it''s a nice gesture that requires very little effort. Sometimes me and someone else will form a symbiotic you open this one and I''ll open that one. I admit I do like a little acknowledgment. Maybe I am selfish that way. I don''t need a thank you, but a smile is wonderful. Nods work, even a glance of eye contact is enough. But sometimes a group of people will start going through the door and not one of them even looks at me like I''m some door holding fixture and I say nothing, I just let go of the door. Then of course *I* am the rude one and I''m okay with that. I don''t need praise, I just want to have the fact that I exist noticed. It really isn''t my job, I''m not a wooden wedge.



Incidentally China is not a country where any of these things are relevant. If I hold a door for someone here they bow and say thank you 3 times - it''s just unheard of. Heck, the cars don''t even slow down for the pedestrians. I think it could be noted that most of these expectations are american.

Cehra how did you find things over here in Ireland?


I once did a trip that involved a week in Seattle, a bus ride over the border to Canada and then a week in Vancouver, and then back to Seattle. The difference in common courtesy was marked - Canadians are so polite!

The Irish are the best people on earth - really. They (even the kids) never took courtesy for granted. Not always was a door held for me and that''s totally fine - but the people were really the best part of your country. Sorry but it wasn''t the food or driving on the roads! lol! I really miss it - more than I thought I would. I miss it because I made it home and now it will likely never be home again and I have an ache in my heart for things familiar that I may never see again

 

[kiett98]

Timely article... Opening Doors For Women Can Open A Can Of Worms

 

[Karl_K]

Date: 3/4/2010 8:05:22 AM
Author: kiett98
Timely article... Opening Doors For Women Can Open A Can Of Worms

That has happened to me a few times, I just shrug.....
One day it was 2 times in one day then not again for a year or so.
There is one mall where it seems to happen, I think that 99% of them have been at that one mall.
I always check behind me and hold the door for anyone.
Usually if its a lady or older person I will let them in first if its a younger guy I will just hand him the door and enter first.
That is the way most people do it here.