Income to diamond ratio?

[ACN]

I believe you should spend what you believe is the right amount that is discussed between you and your fiance. Depending on your situation (ie. bills, debt, ect), you may find that you can spend a lot more then some people or a lot less.

Just for an example, I have many friends who came out of college (debt free) and were offered jobs for around 50k and while working at those jobs and living comfortably in an expensive city (Chicago), still were able to save between 5-8k a year. Given their situation, by the time they were ~25 years old, they saved at least ~15-25k. Thus, some of them went out and spent 15-20k on a diamond ring for their fiances.

In essence, if you have the money and are willing to spend it, then by all means do. Everyone has a different situation regarding their finances and what to expect. On top of that, I have friends who went to the local B&M stores and bought Hearts on Fire diamonds for the great markup price. Thus, by being here on PS and having access and knowledge of the PS vendors, you get an awesome stone for half the price you would find at a B&M.

Just the other day, the local B&M store showed me a 1ct hearts on fire diamond for $15k and had their 2ct hearts on fire for 40k+.

 

[MichelleCarmen]

If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

 

[Dancing Fire]

Date: 7/16/2009 2:47:48 PM
Author: Moh 10
I''ve spent around 60K so far on an 80K income . . . and I''m not done.

No regrets.

When I was 18 I bought a $1200 guitar on a $4000 annual income.
I''m in my 50s now and I still have it.
Smartest purchase I ever made.

. . . and, you should see the piano I bought.

Fish heads and rice don''t taste that bad, really.

i like your style !!

 

[charbie]

Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such "other" value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

 

[Lula]

Charbie -- you have your head on straight and your heart in the right place, I think! I can''t wait to see your pictures. Enjoy your wedding!

 

[Sam82]

Date: 7/17/2009 4:33:00 PM
Author: charbie

style="WIDTH: 98.89%; HEIGHT: 48px">Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such ''other'' value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

The highlighted sencetence concerns me. I would be offended if my bf said that to me. What if the ring was the complete opposite of what you liked? You should not have to feel bad because your style is different than his grandmother.

To the OP: I just wanted to say that wanting a large rock does not make you a bad person. You like what you like. The question is , can you afford what you like" If the answer is no, then you should find other ways to make you happy. Here are a few suggestions that I have:
1. Consider a 3 stone or five stone diamond ring. I''m sure you can get a really impressive one for $10,000 or less.
2. Consider a sapphire or other gem as the center stone and use diamonds to accent. I''ve seen many beautiful and substantial gemstone rings for $10,000 or less
3. Pick an anniversary that you and your husband agree to upgrade your ring(s). Due to finances, my bf and I are going the plain route as far as rings are concerned. We have discussed upgrading each other in 10 years. Maybe you can do that in 5-10 years.

Good luck to you

 

[Dreamer_D]

This thread is awesome! I love when posters throw tantrums over the responses they get!

Long live PS!

And as a small aside to the OP, people don''t post about their babies in "Rocky Talky", they do it in Hangout. Maybe that''s where this question should have been?

 

[arjunajane]

Date: 7/15/2009 10:06:47 AM
Author: dreamofdiamonds
OK! WOW.............


A lot of opinions about this, I guess I asked for it!

size isnt everything.... I understand now that I''ve read more on PS, cut is the most important thing to me...


I dont know, I feel really greedy for wanting something so expensive.

thanks- but no one really wants to answer my question...

Here''s an answer - it''s none of your business!

 

[Black Jade]

Date: 7/17/2009 6:14:48 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/17/2009 4:33:00 PM
Author: charbie

style="WIDTH: 98.89%; HEIGHT: 48px">Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such ''other'' value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

The highlighted sencetence concerns me. I would be offended if my bf said that to me. What if the ring was the complete opposite of what you liked? You should not have to feel bad because your style is different than his grandmother.

To the OP: I just wanted to say that wanting a large rock does not make you a bad person. You like what you like. The question is , can you afford what you like'' If the answer is no, then you should find other ways to make you happy. Here are a few suggestions that I have:
1. Consider a 3 stone or five stone diamond ring. I''m sure you can get a really impressive one for $10,000 or less.
2. Consider a sapphire or other gem as the center stone and use diamonds to accent. I''ve seen many beautiful and substantial gemstone rings for $10,000 or less
3. Pick an anniversary that you and your husband agree to upgrade your ring(s). Due to finances, my bf and I are going the plain route as far as rings are concerned. We have discussed upgrading each other in 10 years. Maybe you can do that in 5-10 years.

Good luck to you

No offense, but I don''t see why the high-lighted sentence should concern anybody.
If wanting a large rock does not make someone a bad person, I would think that wanting a wife who valued one''s family and one''s family heirlooms would definitely not make someone a bad person.
If I were a man, I would think I was VERY incompatible with someone who didn''t understand what a compliment it is to be presented with a family stone, however small. There''s a lot of trust and love there--no matter how small, you don''t wnat the heirlooms to go out of the family and you are unlikely to offer them to someone who you think will look down on them, lose them, keep them but leave you or want to upgrade and sell them out of the family.
It means the grandparents and parents want Charbie in the family too, to even have this ring offered to her.
If she like large rocks (which also is not a problem, provided one can afford them) she can get a RHR later or earrings, or studs or a lot of different things.
I would bet her soon-to-husband is more likely to offer them because she has shown that her priorities are in line with his.
Just my opinion.

 

[Black Jade]

I like pianos better than diamonds also and I am going to head over to the hangout to look for Moh!

 

[icekid]

dream- I suspect folks feel a little put off by your asking their income. Would you notice someone''s ring in person, and then ask how much they make? I hope not.

 

[Sam82]

Date: 7/18/2009 9:15:29 AM
Author: Black Jade

Date: 7/17/2009 6:14:48 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/17/2009 4:33:00 PM
Author: charbie

style="WIDTH: 98.89%; HEIGHT: 48px">Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such ''other'' value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

The highlighted sencetence concerns me. I would be offended if my bf said that to me. What if the ring was the complete opposite of what you liked? You should not have to feel bad because your style is different than his grandmother.

To the OP: I just wanted to say that wanting a large rock does not make you a bad person. You like what you like. The question is , can you afford what you like'' If the answer is no, then you should find other ways to make you happy. Here are a few suggestions that I have:
1. Consider a 3 stone or five stone diamond ring. I''m sure you can get a really impressive one for $10,000 or less.
2. Consider a sapphire or other gem as the center stone and use diamonds to accent. I''ve seen many beautiful and substantial gemstone rings for $10,000 or less
3. Pick an anniversary that you and your husband agree to upgrade your ring(s). Due to finances, my bf and I are going the plain route as far as rings are concerned. We have discussed upgrading each other in 10 years. Maybe you can do that in 5-10 years.

Good luck to you

No offense, but I don''t see why the high-lighted sentence should concern anybody.
If wanting a large rock does not make someone a bad person, I would think that wanting a wife who valued one''s family and one''s family heirlooms would definitely not make someone a bad person.
If I were a man, I would think I was VERY incompatible with someone who didn''t understand what a compliment it is to be presented with a family stone, however small. There''s a lot of trust and love there--no matter how small, you don''t wnat the heirlooms to go out of the family and you are unlikely to offer them to someone who you think will look down on them, lose them, keep them but leave you or want to upgrade and sell them out of the family.
It means the grandparents and parents want Charbie in the family too, to even have this ring offered to her.
If she like large rocks (which also is not a problem, provided one can afford them) she can get a RHR later or earrings, or studs or a lot of different things.
I would bet her soon-to-husband is more likely to offer them because she has shown that her priorities are in line with his.
Just my opinion.

I wasn''t talking about the size of the diamond. I was talking about what would happen if the ring was in a sytle or metal that the gf did not want. I don''t think that the woman should be forced to wear the ring as her engagement ring for years on end. She could reset the stone, or wear it as a right hand ring occasionally. I just don''t see how a man can base whether you are marriage material based on someone''s like or dislike of a family members jewelry. It is a colmpliment to be presented with the jewelry, but that doesn''t make it her style. Not every older piece or jewelry is attractive.

FWIW, I was not offended. We''re all here to speak our minds.

 

[risingsun]

If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

 

[FancyDiamond]

Date: 7/18/2009 1:49:41 PM
Author: risingsun
If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

Well said.

 

[Sam82]

Date: 7/18/2009 1:49:41 PM
Author: risingsun
If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

That''s what I was trying to get at. Such a big decision (marriage) should not be based on one piece of jewelry. If the gf doesn''t like it, she doesn''t like it. That doesn''t mean she does not love her bf/fi.

On the flip side, it bothers me when women say, "I won''t marry him unless he propses with a 1(2, 3) carat ring." That is really shallow to me. A marriage is about way more than a ring.

 

[joelly]

Date: 7/18/2009 1:49:41 PM
Author: risingsun
If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

I am with risingsun.

If my FF force an e-ring upon me now, I can''t imagine what would he force upon me in our future life together. An FF is just that, a future fiance, my emphasize in on the future which means I can change my mind about him as well if he ever force anything upon me.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[joelly]

To OP, its too bad that you feel the way you feel. You did ask of our opinions so you got what you ask for. Hope you change your mind and see more than you feel.

 

[joelly]

I''d rather have a smaller diamond e-ring now and later buy more jewelry. Don''t put your eggs in just one basket

 

[charbie]

Date: 7/17/2009 6:14:48 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/17/2009 4:33:00 PM
Author: charbie



Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such ''other'' value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

The highlighted sencetence concerns me. I would be offended if my bf said that to me. What if the ring was the complete opposite of what you liked? You should not have to feel bad because your style is different than his grandmother.

To the OP: I just wanted to say that wanting a large rock does not make you a bad person. You like what you like. The question is , can you afford what you like'' If the answer is no, then you should find other ways to make you happy. Here are a few suggestions that I have:
1. Consider a 3 stone or five stone diamond ring. I''m sure you can get a really impressive one for $10,000 or less.
2. Consider a sapphire or other gem as the center stone and use diamonds to accent. I''ve seen many beautiful and substantial gemstone rings for $10,000 or less
3. Pick an anniversary that you and your husband agree to upgrade your ring(s). Due to finances, my bf and I are going the plain route as far as rings are concerned. We have discussed upgrading each other in 10 years. Maybe you can do that in 5-10 years.

Good luck to you

I completely understand where you are coming from- I guess I should explain my statement a little more. I doubt he actually would have left me over it, but I know he and (and probably his grandmother too) would have felt hurt, and probably awkward afterwards. I''m sure he even said that simply because I had accepted the ring and it was a huge weight off his shoulders. I never really saw the ring before we got engaged, and in the family it was more of a sentimental value placed on the ring, the history of the ring, and just the fact that she had other grandsons who could have received it but she saved it for my fiance- I mean, that alone makes it more valuable than anything else he could have put on my finger. If I really disliked the ring (and I have a major dislike for 80''s style yellow-gold marquis w/ wraps, lots of little diamonds poking out everywere...*shutter*) then I''m sure we would have had to have a discussion about it because we both knew that is totally not my style (and neither is a 2+ carat ring- gorgeous on other people, but just not something I feel I could pull off...around my neck however...we might be talking...

). Given that the ring is pretty simple, well, it worked for us. He knew my taste in jewelry and knew that I could be compatible with the ring- no matter what the size of the diamond. He also knew that I had no clue what I really wanted, I just sorta figured I''d want a big stone given that he had some $$ to spend on it. MOST IMPORTANTLY his grandmother knew me well enough, and my fiance knew me well enough that he never would have even approached the subject if he didn''t like the ring and didn''t think I would like it. I guess I also should add that she gave me her wedding band as well, which goes with the ering as a set. However, due to it having a design that goes all the band and that it can''t be sized down like the ering to fit, I did get my own wedding band, and from the beginning we had always said I would get my own wedding band, even if I wore hers with mine. My own band symbolized our own wedding, and I needed that- no matter what ering I was given. I''m just a mushy traditional girl at heart- which makes my fiance and I more compatible because those are the things that matter most to us- family and tradition. I hope we are able to raise our own children to share those values and that their companions will also want to share in this important family heirloom.

Hope that explains my situtation- I appreciate the concern that statement would cause- and don''t worry- I''m a pretty strong woman (the breadwinner as a matter of fact!) and he''s not gonna be pushing ANYTHING on me!!!!!

 

[charbie]

Date: 7/18/2009 1:59:28 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/18/2009 1:49:41 PM
Author: risingsun
If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

That''s what I was trying to get at. Such a big decision (marriage) should not be based on one piece of jewelry. If the gf doesn''t like it, she doesn''t like it. That doesn''t mean she does not love her bf/fi.

On the flip side, it bothers me when women say, ''I won''t marry him unless he propses with a 1(2, 3) carat ring.'' That is really shallow to me. A marriage is about way more than a ring.

I promise- my marriage is not based on jewelry. Given that it wasn''t a large stone being passed down, if I didn''t like the ring, I wouldn''t have had it reset.

And I agree with the second statement 110%.

 

[arjunajane]

Charbie,
I would just like to compliment you on your tact and grace
when replying in this thread.
You are indeed correct that shared values and the like are what makes
a r''ship really work, and it sounds like your Fi and inlaws understand you very well.

that''s all

 

[risingsun]

Upon reflection, no further comments from rs are necessary. Congrats on your engagement

 

[atroop711]

 

[DiamondFlame]

I understand how Charbie''s little statement could be misinterpreted. You need to treat family heirlooms with great sensitivity. And offering a heirloom to someone without knowing if she''s likely to feel touched by the gesture is just as bad as rejecting it for the simple reason that you can''t live with the antiquated design. If I know that my grandma''s ring is not the sort my lady wd wear for herself, I wd hv avoided the possibility of having an awkward moment and I wd not offer it to her in the first place. That''s assuming I prefer to keep the herloom in its original setting. Resetting a heirloom jewel cd be a viable alternative.

I really do not know where some gals get this idea that they are ''entitled'' to an e-ring with 2-3 carat diamond... It''s not as though the guy gets anything equivalent value-wise in return...

Back to the original topic, I won''t look at the ratio at all. I wd go with how much you can afford to pay in cash after setting aside funds for emergencies and essentials. You can get a real beauty for under $5K... After all you wd want to keep that upgrade option open. Where''s the fun in starting out with a 3 carat bling??

 

[Moh 10]

Diamond Flame, you wrote, "I really do not know where some gals get this idea that they are ''entitled'' to an e-ring with 2-3 carat diamond... It''s not as though the guy gets anything equivalent value-wise in return... "


Her.

 

[atroop711]

Diamond Flame, you wrote, 'I really do not know where some gals get this idea that they are 'entitled' to an e-ring with 2-3 carat diamond... It's not as though the guy gets anything equivalent value-wise in return... '



my dh got ME in return

I know that I'm worth more than any e-ring

 

[ficklefaye]

FI purchased my diamond using the money he made on stocks, so it wasn''t part of our combined salary income, if i had a say in it, i would have asked for a smaller (or lower in clarity) diamond, so we could spend the money on other things, but that''s just me

 

[Sam82]

Date: 7/19/2009 1:43:54 AM
Author: charbie

Date: 7/17/2009 6:14:48 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/17/2009 4:33:00 PM
Author: charbie

style="WIDTH: 98.89%; HEIGHT: 48px">Date: 7/16/2009 7:14:44 PM
Author: MC
If you''re only in your 20s, your plans may change at some point. . .

My thought is that *if* you have to ask strangers *on a diamond forum* on the internet if $20K toward a ring is okay, then you''re looking to justify a purchase you know isn''t the smart thing to be made.

Maybe ask on a financial forum. Let them know how many months income you have saved up for emergencies and how much you put into your 401K.

If you do not have at least 6 months emergency fund, I think spending $20K on a ring is extremely unwise.

I have to say something on this thread-
1) MC I agree with you totally.

2) My FI and I spent nothing on our rings. Mine was his grandmother''s, his was is great-uncles. That being said, we both are in our mid-twenties, own a house, couple of dogs, and live a comfortable life where we don''t obsess over finances- we don''t go overboard, and make sure we have enough to pay off all of our bills each month.

I''ll go ahead and get a little personal.
Originially, if it were up to me, I would have had him spend a lot on a big blinging ring that was over 1 carat (honestly, what I always envisioned)- when we were in the talks about getting engaged, we agreed giver or take 2 months of his gross income would be appropriate. So I figured I''d have 10-15k of ring on my finger.

Then he mentioned that his grandmother asked if he would be interested in giving me her ring.

When we got engaged, and I saw my ring was a .33 illusion set diamond, I''d be lying if I said I wasn''t upset that I didn''t have my bling I had expected. But then when I realized it was his grandmother''s ring (who is still around today!) I was so honored, and never want to upgrade on a ring with such ''other'' value (although RHR''s aren''t out of the question....)- but for me the engagement/wedding rings were so much more about what they stood for, not for the size.

He later told me that if I would have said I didn''t want his grandma''s ring, he doesn''t know if he would have stayed with me- because it was something he was so excited and honored to have in his life, he couldn''t imagine being with someone who didn''t feel the same way about it.

I still find myself having to tell people that my ring was his grandmother''s so that I feel more comfortable with the smaller size than what I imagined. And I blame myself for having that image in my head and that 1 carat idea floating around.

Ok- one more thing. Since my ering is an illusion setting, it really does look a lot bigger. I tried on a 1 carat RB when lookng for my wedding band, and my stone looked bigger in passing. Made me feel better. I am so in love with my ring now, I can''t imagine anything else. Oh and I''ll have that wedding band next week to show pictures- wedding in 11 weeks!

The highlighted sencetence concerns me. I would be offended if my bf said that to me. What if the ring was the complete opposite of what you liked? You should not have to feel bad because your style is different than his grandmother.

To the OP: I just wanted to say that wanting a large rock does not make you a bad person. You like what you like. The question is , can you afford what you like'' If the answer is no, then you should find other ways to make you happy. Here are a few suggestions that I have:
1. Consider a 3 stone or five stone diamond ring. I''m sure you can get a really impressive one for $10,000 or less.
2. Consider a sapphire or other gem as the center stone and use diamonds to accent. I''ve seen many beautiful and substantial gemstone rings for $10,000 or less
3. Pick an anniversary that you and your husband agree to upgrade your ring(s). Due to finances, my bf and I are going the plain route as far as rings are concerned. We have discussed upgrading each other in 10 years. Maybe you can do that in 5-10 years.

Good luck to you

I completely understand where you are coming from- I guess I should explain my statement a little more. I doubt he actually would have left me over it, but I know he and (and probably his grandmother too) would have felt hurt, and probably awkward afterwards. I''m sure he even said that simply because I had accepted the ring and it was a huge weight off his shoulders. I never really saw the ring before we got engaged, and in the family it was more of a sentimental value placed on the ring, the history of the ring, and just the fact that she had other grandsons who could have received it but she saved it for my fiance- I mean, that alone makes it more valuable than anything else he could have put on my finger. If I really disliked the ring (and I have a major dislike for 80''s style yellow-gold marquis w/ wraps, lots of little diamonds poking out everywere...*shutter*) then I''m sure we would have had to have a discussion about it because we both knew that is totally not my style (and neither is a 2+ carat ring- gorgeous on other people, but just not something I feel I could pull off...around my neck however...we might be talking...

). Given that the ring is pretty simple, well, it worked for us. He knew my taste in jewelry and knew that I could be compatible with the ring- no matter what the size of the diamond. He also knew that I had no clue what I really wanted, I just sorta figured I''d want a big stone given that he had some $$ to spend on it. MOST IMPORTANTLY his grandmother knew me well enough, and my fiance knew me well enough that he never would have even approached the subject if he didn''t like the ring and didn''t think I would like it. I guess I also should add that she gave me her wedding band as well, which goes with the ering as a set. However, due to it having a design that goes all the band and that it can''t be sized down like the ering to fit, I did get my own wedding band, and from the beginning we had always said I would get my own wedding band, even if I wore hers with mine. My own band symbolized our own wedding, and I needed that- no matter what ering I was given. I''m just a mushy traditional girl at heart- which makes my fiance and I more compatible because those are the things that matter most to us- family and tradition. I hope we are able to raise our own children to share those values and that their companions will also want to share in this important family heirloom.

Hope that explains my situtation- I appreciate the concern that statement would cause- and don''t worry- I''m a pretty strong woman (the breadwinner as a matter of fact!) and he''s not gonna be pushing ANYTHING on me!!!!!

Thanks for clearing things up. In the end, as long as you''re happy about your ring, that''s all that matters. Maybe I took the, "he would leave me statement" too literal.

 

[Sam82]

Date: 7/19/2009 1:49:29 AM
Author: charbie

Date: 7/18/2009 1:59:28 PM
Author: Sam82

Date: 7/18/2009 1:49:41 PM
Author: risingsun
If I ever offered my e-ring to a son or grandson, it would be with the proviso that if his FF did not find it to her liking, for any reason, there would be no pressure placed upon her to accept it and it would not hurt my feelings. Any child of mine who judged their FF over a ring, would be in trouble with me

Talk to each other. That''s what adults do.

That''s what I was trying to get at. Such a big decision (marriage) should not be based on one piece of jewelry. If the gf doesn''t like it, she doesn''t like it. That doesn''t mean she does not love her bf/fi.

On the flip side, it bothers me when women say, ''I won''t marry him unless he propses with a 1(2, 3) carat ring.'' That is really shallow to me. A marriage is about way more than a ring.

I promise- my marriage is not based on jewelry. Given that it wasn''t a large stone being passed down, if I didn''t like the ring, I wouldn''t have had it reset.

And I agree with the second statement 110%.

The highligted sentence was not directed towards you

. It was just a general statement. I''ve known so many women who put so much stock in the ring. Please don''t get me wrong, I like sparkly diamonds just as much an anyone else. Still, the ring has little bearing on my actual relationship with my bf.

 

[I Love My Sailor]

When my wedding rings were purchased, we had been married 1 year, I was 19 years old and traveling back and forth between Hawaii and Guam to see my husband during port calls (US Navy). so I was unemployed half the time. He made $60,000 and spent 7 K on my rings. We are on shore duty now so he has lost a little bit on pay and I am working full time . I want to upgrade my e ring but I will have to save the money! I will never charge it or take out a loan.
By the time I save up the money for the rings I want, my husbands pay will not increase enough to be statistically equal with my upgrade but I don''t think that matters if you save for it.