I''m not being SO unreasonable... right?

[colorkitty]

*she asks sheepishly and ducks in the corner*

I have wanted a diamond engagement ring, or anniversary ring, for a while now. I thought about waiting 2 years, putting it at the 5 year anniversary mark, but I'm thinking I want to move it up sooner. It's just that I'm excited about it *now*. On top of that, our income is very high and I'm only interested in a 3K ring (I debated on how to say the first part of that sentence with tact, let me know if I crossed the line). My husband on the other hand, doesn't see the rush. He just bought me jewelry for Christmas, and I can see his point, considering he bought me the same painted daisies from the grocery store two holidays last year this is a step up for him. He's not the type to deny me anything if I outright ask for it, but I don't want to seem greedy.

Should I just wait it out? Is it too much to hint that it might be a nice valentine's present?

 

[Dee*Jay]

colorkitty - I don't think Valentine's Day is too soon to get something but I think *now* might be too soon to start hinting since Christmas was just last week. Maybe give it until the second week of January or so so that the memory of the bling you got for Chrismas isn't so fresh in your hubby's mind, LOL. Also, don't be wearin' that Christmas bling while you're hinting about the new ring becuase you don't want to remind him about it.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Aren't you the same lady that said you didn't want to spend 48K on diamonds?

If you can afford it and you want it I don't think you are being greedy. Just be honest with him. Start showing him what you like and how much it costs. Maybe he thinks you want something 10x the amount you want so he thinks you should wait. Hopefully he will see exactly what you want and give you the go ahead.

 

[colorkitty]

Good idea dee. By now, I didn''t mean today. I was thinking more along the lines of valentines or my birthday the next month.

 

[colorkitty]

Date: 12/30/2006 7:06:09 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring
Aren't you the same lady that said you didn't want to spend 48K on diamonds?

If you can afford it and you want it I don't think you are being greedy. Just be honest with him. Start showing him what you like and how much it costs. Maybe he thinks you want something 10x the amount you want so he thinks you should wait. Hopefully he will see exactly what you want and give you the go ahead.

I don't want to spend 48K on diamonds! LOL. You'd think my love for small diamonds would work in my favor here. I have shown him what I want, so he knows.

 

[Tacori E-ring]

Date: 12/30/2006 7:11:11 PM
Author: colorkitty

Date: 12/30/2006 7:06:09 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Aren''t you the same lady that said you didn''t want to spend 48K on diamonds?

If you can afford it and you want it I don''t think you are being greedy. Just be honest with him. Start showing him what you like and how much it costs. Maybe he thinks you want something 10x the amount you want so he thinks you should wait. Hopefully he will see exactly what you want and give you the go ahead.

I don''t want to spend 48K on diamonds! LOL. You''d think my love for small diamonds would work in my favor here. I have shown him what I want, so he knows.

No but you want to spend $3k and maybe save $45K on something else

So he knows how much it is and still wants to wait? What are his reasons?

 

[Mara]

i don't think 3k on diamonds is unreasonable. then again i don't think that much regarding diamonds is unreasonable..hee hee.

in the past, my husband responds well to me talking about what i would like and giving kind of a future timeframe...or showing him something that i really love, aka a stone that fits exactly what i want...and then talking about it for a bit here and there, aka dropping hints..hehee. then after a while, i can usually approach it and say 'you know i really want this, any chance of getting it for XYZ (aka birthday, christmas etc)?' if he knows i really want it, he is typically more than willing to talk about it with me and see how it might fit in.

any chance something like that might work for you and your hubby?

 

[Tacori E-ring]

I agree about loving timeframes. Also since your b-day is coming up maybe it can be a combo v-day & b-day gift.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 12/30/2006 7:25:23 PM
Author: Tacori E-ring

Date: 12/30/2006 7:11:11 PM
Author: colorkitty

Date: 12/30/2006 7:06:09 PM

Author: Tacori E-ring

Aren''t you the same lady that said you didn''t want to spend 48K on diamonds?

If you can afford it and you want it I don''t think you are being greedy. Just be honest with him. Start showing him what you like and how much it costs. Maybe he thinks you want something 10x the amount you want so he thinks you should wait. Hopefully he will see exactly what you want and give you the go ahead.

I don''t want to spend 48K on diamonds! LOL. You''d think my love for small diamonds would work in my favor here. I have shown him what I want, so he knows.

No but you want to spend $3k and maybe save $45K on something else

So he knows how much it is and still wants to wait? What are his reasons?

yeah this reminds me of a technique I use - it goes something like this, "look at these purses honey! can you believe they''re spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a PURSE? Makes me wanting to spend two HUNDRED dollars on a purse not seem so bad huh?" hehehe where as if I took the approach of, "I normally spend TWENTY dollars on a purse so what do you think of me spending TWO HUNDRED dollars on one" doesn''t work as well hahaha

how does that saying go? aim for the stars and get the moon?

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 12/30/2006 8:25:22 PM
Author: Mara
i don''t think 3k on diamonds is unreasonable. then again i don''t think that much regarding diamonds is unreasonable..hee hee.

in the past, my husband responds well to me talking about what i would like and giving kind of a future timeframe...or showing him something that i really love, aka a stone that fits exactly what i want...and then talking about it for a bit here and there, aka dropping hints..hehee. then after a while, i can usually approach it and say ''you know i really want this, any chance of getting it for XYZ (aka birthday, christmas etc)?'' if he knows i really want it, he is typically more than willing to talk about it with me and see how it might fit in.

any chance something like that might work for you and your hubby?

haha I think this approach might work for a 2nd diamond for me (a half carat) but I don''t think I can even remotely start up with this until I have the bigger one set haha

 

[Beacon]

I got confused - I thought a 3K ring meant a 3 carat ring, then I was wondering how this was going to happen for just a few thousand bucks!

I can hardly see the problem - if you have high income and you are married and you don''t already have a diamond ring - am I missing something? Just tell him "it''s time......" What you are asking for is exceedingly reasonable - I would think he would be thrilled to put a diamond on your finger! Nothing greedy at all about this, especially if the finances are in place to support it.

 

[FireGoddess]

I think if you mention to him that it is something that would mean a lot to you and it''s what you really want, he would be hard pressed to deny you that. I would definitely wait until the Christmas bling is a foggy memory in his mind though. Can''t hurt.

 

[kcoursolle]

I think you should talk with him about how important it is to you and that the two of you can afford it. If this doesn''t work...I''d consider buying myself...if you don''t think hubby would get upset.

 

[phoenixgirl]

I had a similar situation. I always wanted a diamond wedding band, but had just bought a condo and burned my kitchen down when we got married. I hinted that I wanted one for our one-year anniversary, but didn''t get one. Something just wasn''t working with our communication. I think that part of it is that I''m usually very clear and announce what we should do. DH wasn''t used to subtlety.

DH also thought that the ring had to coincide with a major anniversary because it was an "anniversary ring" and had some hang-ups about me not wearing the ring we got married with. I felt that I was simply asking for something I had actually wanted when we got married but had foregone due to finances and timing, and that if I''d known I''d have to wait 5 or 10 years to get it, I''d just have gotten it when we got married.

Finally we figured things out and I got my ring. I even got diamond stud earrings two months later.

But now we are buying a house so I don''t think I''ll be getting any more diamonds any time soon . . .

 

[Christa]

Date: 12/30/2006 9:06:00 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
yeah this reminds me of a technique I use - it goes something like this, ''look at these purses honey! can you believe they''re spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a PURSE? Makes me wanting to spend two HUNDRED dollars on a purse not seem so bad huh?'' hehehe where as if I took the approach of, ''I normally spend TWENTY dollars on a purse so what do you think of me spending TWO HUNDRED dollars on one'' doesn''t work as well hahaha

how does that saying go? aim for the stars and get the moon?

Cehra, I love how you think! But please tell me that avatar isn''t your loose diamond lying on the grass!

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/1/2007 5:06:36 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 12/30/2006 9:06:00 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
yeah this reminds me of a technique I use - it goes something like this, ''look at these purses honey! can you believe they''re spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a PURSE? Makes me wanting to spend two HUNDRED dollars on a purse not seem so bad huh?'' hehehe where as if I took the approach of, ''I normally spend TWENTY dollars on a purse so what do you think of me spending TWO HUNDRED dollars on one'' doesn''t work as well hahaha

how does that saying go? aim for the stars and get the moon?

Cehra, I love how you think! But please tell me that avatar isn''t your loose diamond lying on the grass!

hahaha noooo.... if that was grass I''d be seriously looking at a MONSTER stone donchathink? It''s moss... it''s the same mossy area I took the other pics in a few months ago on this page https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/cbs-omc-pix.50194/page-4 but this is a new pic I took just the other day... I really liked it! I''d keep posting in my own thread and not hijacking IF I a) had a ring or b) still had my old thread open hahaha Sorry CK! I know you''ll get your diamond

 

[Christa]

Date: 1/1/2007 5:26:32 PM
Author: Cehrabehra

Date: 1/1/2007 5:06:36 PM
Author: Christa

Date: 12/30/2006 9:06:00 PM
Author: Cehrabehra
yeah this reminds me of a technique I use - it goes something like this, ''look at these purses honey! can you believe they''re spending TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS on a PURSE? Makes me wanting to spend two HUNDRED dollars on a purse not seem so bad huh?'' hehehe where as if I took the approach of, ''I normally spend TWENTY dollars on a purse so what do you think of me spending TWO HUNDRED dollars on one'' doesn''t work as well hahaha

how does that saying go? aim for the stars and get the moon?

Cehra, I love how you think! But please tell me that avatar isn''t your loose diamond lying on the grass!

hahaha noooo.... if that was grass I''d be seriously looking at a MONSTER stone donchathink? It''s moss... it''s the same mossy area I took the other pics in a few months ago on this page https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/cbs-omc-pix.50194/page-4 but this is a new pic I took just the other day... I really liked it! I''d keep posting in my own thread and not hijacking IF I a) had a ring or b) still had my old thread open hahaha Sorry CK! I know you''ll get your diamond

I thought the perspective seemed off for it to be grass, but what freaked me out was the thought of setting it down on the lawn and not being able to find it again.

 

[Cehrabehra]

Date: 1/2/2007 4:50:40 PM
Author: Christa
I thought the perspective seemed off for it to be grass, but what freaked me out was the thought of setting it down on the lawn and not being able to find it again.

nah it''s SOOOOOO BIIIIIIIG its easy to find LOL I''m kidding!! though that did help that one time I lost it in the barkdust!!

 

[Skippy123]

colorkitty,
I am confused. You are married and no ring?

Okay, I understand now. https://www.pricescope.com/community/threads/jewelry-and-caring-what-others-think.54971/
You have an engagement ring. I would wait. Or buy one for myself. My husband is an Engineer (also a good guy) and he does not know much about jewlery so I end up buying things for myself.

I guess it is a good thing, because I am sure he wouldn't want me buying power tools for him!!!

 

[colorkitty]

I''ve decided to wait. I seriously doubt I''ll get another ring ever, but that''s how it goes! According to him I have enough jewelry, more than anyone else on earth, really (three necklaces, one bracelet, 6 rings-- half of which I would not have if he believed in returning things) and I don''t need anything else.

Oh, well, it was worth daydreaming over.

I''ll include the ring I wanted, just for fun

 

[dtnyc]

I know this is getting really personal, but if you work, couldn''t you buy one for yourself?

Does he ever buy anything for himself? (golf clubs, fishing rods, etc?) or take guys'' trips?

I don''t know how you work the finances in your household, but I know I am always going to want to be able to save some of my own "mad money" to buy something for myself if I really want it.

 

[winternight]

I think you should have a ring if its what you want. You don''t have alot of jewelry (personally I don''t even know how many charms and earrings I have) and frankly if you wanted to return things and he didn''t let you those things don''t count. Also it sounds like you can afford it. If he wants to combine a birthday/Valentine''s gift then maybe that''s an option.

 

[colorkitty]

I have a very small business from home and I write. Not much $ there. We both agreed on me working from home and it works well for us. Jewelry is sentimental to me. It wouldn't mean much for me to buy it for myself. In fact, I only have the pieces from him for that very reason.

I wanted a diamond the first time around, but he thought they were boring. Don't get me wrong, I love what I have, but I did chip it because of how big it was. I do think women should be happy with what their husbands get them so long as it's not in total disregard to their wishes or putting in any thought... I need to work harder on practicing what I preach.

No, he does not spend anything on himself. He does not want anything.

I think I would feel differently if our financial situation was different. Part of me thinks I'm being a spoilt baby, but part of me thinks that a man who makes 6 figures can afford to spoil his wife a little bit.

I've been thinking up some compromises. I thought maybe a slim eternity band, but I don't know yet.

 

[dtnyc]

Date: 1/3/2007 5:25:29 PM
Author: colorkitty
I have a very small business from home and I write. Not much $ there. We both agreed on me working from home and it works well for us. Jewelry is sentimental to me. It wouldn''t mean much for me to buy it for myself. In fact, I only have the pieces from him for that very reason.

I have a tough time believing that he doesn''t have anything he spends money on, but maybe he lives like a married monk.

So you have NO jewelry other than what your husband has bought you?
Maybe because I didn''t get married until the day before I turned 30, but the majority of my jewelry is NOT from my husband. Also not to be unsentimental, but once you are married, assets are assets.

 

[Skippy123]

Maybe since he just got you something, he feels like you don't appreciate what you just got. Most men are not wired like woman. I think you should buy it for yourself. If it means that much to you coming from him, then wait, but it sounds like you might wait a while.

I do understand where you are coming from, but I also, know what it is like to be married to someone thrifty and makes good money. My husbands parents are the same exact way. Is your husbands parents that way too??? It might explain why his is this way.

 

[winternight]

Date: 1/3/2007 5:25:29 PM
Author: colorkitty
I have a very small business from home and I write. Not much $ there. We both agreed on me working from home and it works well for us. Jewelry is sentimental to me. It wouldn''t mean much for me to buy it for myself. In fact, I only have the pieces from him for that very reason.

I wanted a diamond the first time around, but he thought they were boring. Don''t get me wrong, I love what I have, but I did chip it because of how big it was. I do think women should be happy with what their husbands get them so long as it''s not in total disregard to their wishes or putting in any thought... I need to work harder on practicing what I preach.

No, he does not spend anything on himself. He does not want anything.

I think I would feel differently if our financial situation was different. Part of me thinks I''m being a spoilt baby, but part of me thinks that a man who makes 6 figures can afford to spoil his wife a little bit.

I''ve been thinking up some compromises. I thought maybe a slim eternity band, but I don''t know yet.

Well I think you''re being more than reasonable given his income. You also wanted a diamond the first time around - maybe its time to ask for what you want and not hold yourself to some impossible saintly standard of satisfaction. I think its good to communicate your needs. I think its unreasonable of him to say you have enough because you have a certain amount of jewelry that he thinks is enough.

 

[colorkitty]

I can see how he might feel like I don't appreciate it, but it's Christmas, then Valentines in Feb., our anniversary in March, and then a few days later my b-day. So all the festivities are close together. That's why I'm thinking about it now, not because I don't appreciate it [I'm assuming when you said "he just got you something" you meant Christmas]. I keep my mention of potential future gifts to a minimum. I hope that makes sense.

I can't buy it for myself. I can't just take that much out of the account if it's not agreed to. I always ask first on purchases over $50-- just how we do it.

 

[Skippy123]

Wow, I am sorry, but then he is being a bit unreasonable. What do you think you will do?

 

[Kaleigh]

I do think he is being unreasonable... But you need to tell him WHY this is so important to you. I think if he knew how much this would mean to you, he''d be hard pressed to deny what most women get on their engagement. Also it''s not like you''re asking for the moon here. 3k is a very reasonable budget . Let some time pass, as he''s still of the mind set of I just gave you THIS for Xmas. Then have a heart to heart chat. Good luck!!!

 

[Christa]

If you have a guy who is great in every other way, then it''s definitely not worth making a "thing" over. But here''s what I would do--would he agree to each of you having a designated amount of "whatever" money that you can spend on any silly thing you want? He can save his, if that''s what he likes to do, and you could buy jewelry with yours. Just because you aren''t the one earning the money doesn''t mean you never get to spend any. You''re part of a team and you contribute of plenty of other ways, I''m sure.

And now I actually read your post

where you said you don''t want to buy things for yourself. Does he have anything he likes to do that you could compare your love of diamonds to? "I know it makes no sense to you, honey, but I like jewelry in the same way you like golf (or whatever)."