Jewelry and caring what others think

[colorkitty]

I worry that other people might think I''m greedy or a gold-digger for having so much jewelry. Esp. my in-laws and other relatives. Like I''m stealing my husband''s money for myself. I don''t work outside the home. He makes more than we know what to do with, would rather I take care of the house than he do it, and I''m fulfilling my dream of being a full-time fiction writer.

I have a gorgeous colored engagement ring that has tons of sentimental value, but is too large for regular wear. I''d rather have it as a pendant, where it still has all that sentimental value and beauty, but won''t be knocked into everything by me. Most people think that ring cost upwards of the double digits because it''s big and beautiful. It didn''t. It cost $3500-- less than half of the two month salary of what we made at the time. I''d like another ring to wear, but I''m worried people will think: "geez, ANOTHER ring?!"

Because in addition to my e-ring I have a diamond band that I sometimes wear as a wedding ring, a rather large and beautiful birth stone ring that I wear instead of my e-ring sometimes (I don''t like the look of wearing more than one ring at a time), a thin platinum band that I got a few weeks ago because I never had an official wedding ring, a silver locket, a silver bracelet from Tiffany''s, and a handbag necklace with pink sapphires and diamonds. My husband has bought me all that in the past 4 years. I don''t have any additional jewelry that he didn''t buy me. I can see how it looks like I have a lot of expensive jewelry, esp. expensive rings. Since I use my ring finger for all my ring, I can see how people must think I have a ton of wedding and engagement rings.

I''m thinking of scraping the whole project of a new engagement ring because I don''t want people to think badly of me. I''ve considered a more anniversary-style ring, but what I really want is a bezel set .5 carat round diamond. That''s unmistakably an engagement ring.

How do you deal with not caring?

 

[Lorelei]

Date: 12/15/2006 9:36:34 AM
Author:colorkitty
I worry that other people might think I'm greedy or a gold-digger for having so much jewelry. Esp. my in-laws and other relatives. Like I'm stealing my husband's money for myself. I don't work outside the home. He makes more than we know what to do with, would rather I take care of the house than he do it, and I'm fulfilling my dream of being a full-time fiction writer.

I have a gorgeous colored engagement ring that has tons of sentimental value, but is too large for regular wear. I'd rather have it as a pendant, where it still has all that sentimental value and beauty, but won't be knocked into everything by me. Most people think that ring cost upwards of the double digits because it's big and beautiful. It didn't. It cost $3500-- less than half of the two month salary of what we made at the time. I'd like another ring to wear, but I'm worried people will think: 'geez, ANOTHER ring?!'

Because in addition to my e-ring I have a diamond band that I sometimes wear as a wedding ring, a rather large and beautiful birth stone ring that I wear instead of my e-ring sometimes (I don't like the look of wearing more than one ring at a time), a thin platinum band that I got a few weeks ago because I never had an official wedding ring, a silver locket, a silver bracelet from Tiffany's, and a handbag necklace with pink sapphires and diamonds. My husband has bought me all that in the past 4 years. I don't have any additional jewelry that he didn't buy me. I can see how it looks like I have a lot of expensive jewelry, esp. expensive rings. Since I use my ring finger for all my ring, I can see how people must think I have a ton of wedding and engagement rings.

I'm thinking of scraping the whole project of a new engagement ring because I don't want people to think badly of me. I've considered a more anniversary-style ring, but what I really want is a bezel set .5 carat round diamond. That's unmistakably an engagement ring.

How do you deal with not caring?

Because you can't spend your life worrying about what others might think! Welcome by the way! It is maybe easier for us veteran PSers as we share our obsessions and this question has arisen before, but if you are lucky enough to have all this jewellery, have a Husband who wants to gift you with more, either don't wear it and tell him not to buy you any more, or wear it and don't worry about it! You can't please everyone and there will always be those who wish to steal your joy, the only thing to do it seems to me is to please yourself! Also a .5 bezel set diamond isn't in any way large or could be considered ostentatious, rather on the conservative size in my opinion, if that is what you want then I don't see there should be any problem at all, even that of people thinking this ring is too flashy! So start small and wear the odd pieces out and remember your jewellery is for YOU and what other people may or may not think about it is up to them!

When you have been here a while you will see some of the HUGE rocks some of our regular PS ladies wear regularly with elegance, they too have learned for the most part to enjoy their fab rings and not let the comments of others get them down!

Hope this helps and again welcome!

 

[Madam Bijoux]

Welcome aboard! It''s a waste of your precious time and energy to worry about what other people think of anything you wear. Other people aren''t paying your bills, so their opinions simply don''t matter.

 

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Author:colorkitty
How do you deal with not caring?

Well, age helps.

Seriously...life is just too short to spend it worrying about what other people think about your personal choices...and the sooner you get over it, the better off you''ll be.!

Are you sure your family and others disapprove, or are twinges of guilt (unfounded, I believe) causing you to imagine it?

If they do, send them a link to PS and they''ll quickly learn that wanting a half carat Ering is quite modest compared most of the jewelry-obsessed people around here! LOL

Go for it!!

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[colorkitty]

Thanks for the support ladies, keep the advice coming.

I don''t think the size of the ring is the bothersome part. It''s that it''s ANOTHER ring. I mean, I already have 4. It''s also that we have a lot more money at a relatively young age than the rest of my family. I don''t think it''s easy for them to understand. My in-laws just think I''m plain greedy and lazy, but that''s them being them. For instance, they don''t think anyone without 100K in the bank should be having kids (they did backflips when they learned we probably can''t have any due to medical conditions on my part-- we''re almost at the 100K mark, but it''s never enough in their eyes). I''d like to just not care, but they are SO judgmental and I want them to approve of me, because, for all his great points, my husband doesn''t seem them as nosy or inappropriate at all.

I was also raise anabaptist and it''s my preference to be plainer, less showy. I''m know longer a believer, however, I still have this idea that having is bad, and that I owe others much more than I owe myself.

My husband, for what it''s worth, does not have this hang-up and thinks I''m quite insane .

 

[kenny]

I think caring too much what others think diminishes with age.
One of the many blessings of getting older.

 

[Dee*Jay]

Date: 12/15/2006 11:20:52 AM
Author: kenny
I think caring too much what others think diminishes with age.

One of the many blessings of getting older.

Distance helps too.

Seriously, colorkitty, I understand where you''re coming from. I am fortunate enough to have quite a few pieces of jewelry at this point in my life and I am conscious of what I wear around my and the happy hubby''s families. My family doesn''t have the disposable income that we do and would probably be appaled if they know what some of my pieces cost. My husband''s family has plenty of money but would NEVER spend it on jewelry. So I wear what I am comfortable wearing when we are with them. And the sad truth colorkitty is that they will always find something to b!tch about, so enjoy yourself as much as you can around them and wear what you want to wear.

 

[asscherisme]

Hi,
Welcome! A few comments:

1. You will be much happier in life when you stop worrying about what others think.

2. Early in our marriage, DH and I agreed we would NEVER discuss money, salary or specifics on money with our families or friends. We have never never told them how much he makes, how much we have dollar figure wise in savings etc. We may talk specific like we have saved for 2 of our children''s college funds in full and are working on the other 2. Or we are saving X percent for retirement. And we are very proud that we have no debt besides mortgage. However my father in law has given some pretty outrageous advice and comments to us and me over the years and we just let it go in one ear and out the other. Like others have said, age and more years married helps in that department.

3. 100,000 in savings to have a child? Really. How interesting. We certainly did not have that when we had our first and most people do not! What an odd and random thing to drum into your head.

4. If they think you are lazy, thats their problem not yours!

If you want a ring, and your husband wants to buy it, go for it! It sounds like you certainly have your financial obligations more than met! And if you are worried about what they thing than don''t wear it around the inlaws. That simple!

 

[colorkitty]

I think I''m going to go for it! I think you''re 100% right about the age thing. I care much less than I did in h.s. and I look forward to my 30s when I suspect I''ll know myself even more. I might, however, compromise with something that is more visably identifiable as an anniversary ring or band. I like a lot of things. It''s so hard to chose! My husband is really in charge of the choosing, but he sometimes can''t tell the difference between two pieces that I think couldn''t be less alike. I think that might be a guy thing. Off to go look at eye candy for ideas.

Enough about me. What does every one want for the hollidays? Don''t be shy

 

[asscherisme]

Great!

I am in my late 30's and I would not go back to my 20s for anything. I had fun yes but I am so much more confident now. Sure I get insecure now and then everyone does. But I think what really changed most ofr me in my 30s is I care less what others think. I treat people well and if they don't like my behavior than so be it.

 

[diamondfan]

Welcome to you!

I aehv a sense of what you are dealing with. When we got married, I was 24 and my hubby was 27. He made a lot of money and we always had more money than our contemporaries. He worked hard for it, and I make no excuses, but sadly it caused issues when we were with our peers. Even his parents were not nice, like, you are going to Hawaii first class for two weeks and staying at the Four Seasons? etc...his parents had financial issues (which we helped with by the way) and yet everything we did, giving each other jewelry as gifts or buying a new car etc was subject to their scrutiny. As we got older my husband was around more people who are in the same situation we are in and we live in a high socioeconomic area. No one bats an eye for the most part about what people chose to spend their money on. My mother in law, now a widow, still does because she grew up during WWII and cannot imagine certain things. Although she is a huge hypocrite, because she demands plasma tv''s and first class tickets to come visit, as long as we spend on HER and what SHE wants it is okay! But we definitely got to a point with friends (back then) and family where we downplayed things or just plain did not dicuss finances or our plans. I would NOT be ashamed if you can have what you like and have a hubby who wants you to have it, but you also do not have to flaunt it if it is a sore spot. It is a tough line to walk, but I think you will settle in to what is comfortable for you over time!

 

[Mara]

well i typically don''t care what others think but it does sometimes burn to feel like others may be judging you by what you wear or own or how you spend your money. but in the end it doesn''t matter. as long as you and your hubby are on the same page that is really all that matters. everyone else be darned. life is really too short to be worrying about what others might think about your clothes, your jewelry, your car, your spending habits, whatever. do what makes you happy.

 

[Stone Hunter]

Date: 12/15/2006 11:49:13 AM
Author: colorkitty
I think I'm going to go for it! I think you're 100% right about the age thing. I care much less than I did in h.s. and I look forward to my 30s when I suspect I'll know myself even more. I might, however, compromise with something that is more visably identifiable as an anniversary ring or band. I like a lot of things. It's so hard to chose! My husband is really in charge of the choosing, but he sometimes can't tell the difference between two pieces that I think couldn't be less alike. I think that might be a guy thing. Off to go look at eye candy for ideas.

Enough about me. What does every one want for the hollidays? Don't be shy

Alot of good advice in this thread. I know it's hard to change the way you think. Try and read through the thread every day for a week, see if it makes a difference.

Please don't compromise!!!! Think about what you really really want before you buy.