I'm a widow

[freezing_in_MO]

I could probably help with the spacecraft, but you'll be really bored there, because nobody else will be able to join you I am recruiting an army. Our plan is to stop any type of space exploration. We had one planet. We wrecked it. We don't get to do the same to any others

As a professional crazy cat lady, I'll step out of my usual cynical shell to agree with TyTy. Maybe your BIL really was thinking of the cat as a distraction for you, given how much you love your own cats. At the very least, he was looking out for something (the cat) other than himself

Does anyone have a PintoBean sized space craft like the one in my avatar that can launch me somewhere else (other than here)?!?!?!

 

[canuk-gal]

HI:

I agree with Tyty. Your BIL wanted to reach out and his "reason" was cat rescue. Not bad...not bad at all.

cheers--Sharon

 

[PintoBean]

It frustrates me that BIL won't know the truth of what his parents did, and that it's not my place to say anything.

Second interview went well. Since it will be two weeks before my 3rd interview, the manager told me to jump the gun and order my exam prep material. It went so well that I was invited to lunch with a group of employees lolol.

@LAJennifer has encouraged me to check out improv classes. She says I have good comedic timing and am funny even when I'm not trying to be. I'm hoping they will make me more comfortable with presentations.

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Yay!!!!!! It sounds like you aced the interview!

 

[minousbijoux]

That is awesome! How could anyone not love you?

 

[PintoBean]

That is awesome! How could anyone not love you?

idk...it's apparently possible lololol
Ha I was the life of the lunch party.
Q: So, what have you been doing In your free time?
A: crocheting cat beds for donation.

...to the server - can you please box this up? I feed the racoons in the woods so they don't come out and tip the garbage cans

Sometimes I wonder if I should tone "me" down when I'm meeting new people lolololol.

 

[ringo865]

No toning down Pinto. That's what's great about you. Unless you drop the f-bomb in front of the boss or something, that is

 

[Puppmom]

Pinto, let your freak flag fly as they say! Do you.

 

[valeria101]

.. improv classes ... I'm hoping they will make me more comfortable with presentations.

Improv does help that way ! I did some & heard that a couple of my professors had started for the sake of teaching & went on to have their own stand-up acts ...

It might not do anything for you - but, I'd bet otherwise [this thread ain't nothing !]

 

[Asscherhalo_lover]

No toning! I think you do best at full volume

 

[luv2sparkle]

I am so glad your second interview went well. Be who you are, Pinto. Life is so much easier that way.
Whoever likes you likes you, and you don't need the rest anyway.

On another subject, I don't see any reason why your BIL shouldn't know what his parents have done (or in laws). I would be surprised if he would want that for his family and its a good reminder that things need to be taken care of. I'm sure your husband wouldn't have wanted it, but he just didn't think about it. Your BIL and SIL need to think about it so they don't ever have to deal with a similar situation should the unthinkable happen to one of them. I think you would be doing them a kindness to tell them.

 

[PintoBean]

I am so glad your second interview went well. Be who you are, Pinto. Life is so much easier that way.
Whoever likes you likes you, and you don't need the rest anyway.

On another subject, I don't see any reason why your BIL shouldn't know what his parents have done (or in laws). I would be surprised if he would want that for his family and its a good reminder that things need to be taken care of. I'm sure your husband wouldn't have wanted it, but he just didn't think about it. Your BIL and SIL need to think about it so they don't ever have to deal with a similar situation should the unthinkable happen to one of them. I think you would be doing them a kindness to tell them.

My BIL is one that is known to be blindly loyal to his cray cray wife and would also undoubtedly display that same bias towards his parents. Notifying him of what transpired doesn't change the outcome. I still have no husband, the in laws keep that money, and they shut me out with regard to Mike's ashes.

And frankly I can't speak to BIL rationally. I need to move on. I think I'd feel differently if I weren't alone. My parents don't care. It's just me. I don't want to take on 5 in laws with no backup. I will only end up feeling badly all over again with no one to cry with. I know that I don't need anyone else but I'm just one person with limited energy and need to pick and choose my battles, begrudgingly. I already have a personality that holds grudges lolol. I'm afraid that if I don't move on from this shit with my head held up with the dignified goal of "fizzle and fade", I will end up sick as I have in the past, with hives, stomach issues, etc. I have a new normal to focus on.

(And I need to earn income stat so I can rock a 10 carat boulder sooner than later!)

 

[yennyfire]

I'm SO glad that your second interview went well, but not surprised at all! I think YOU at full volume is part of your charm...don't let anyone else make you tone it down!! I agree that BIL meant well. I think that you've been so badly treated by his family, you can't even see what may have been a well meaning gesture (and who could blame you??)...

 

[Matata]

And frankly I can't speak to BIL rationally. I need to move on. I think I'd feel differently if I weren't alone. My parents don't care. It's just me. I don't want to take on 5 in laws with no backup. I will only end up feeling badly all over again with no one to cry with. I know that I don't need anyone else but I'm just one person with limited energy and need to pick and choose my battles, begrudgingly. I already have a personality that holds grudges lolol. I'm afraid that if I don't move on from this shit with my head held up with the dignified goal of "fizzle and fade", I will end up sick as I have in the past, with hives, stomach issues, etc. I have a new normal to focus on.

(And I need to earn income stat so I can rock a 10 carat boulder sooner than later!

 

[PintoBean]

I'm SO glad that your second interview went well, but not surprised at all! I think YOU at full volume is part of your charm...don't let anyone else make you tone it down!! I agree that BIL meant well. I think that you've been so badly treated by his family, you can't even see what may have been a well meaning gesture (and who could blame you??)...

I do recognize that he means well which is why I say thank you no thank you and keep the replies polite. Else... it'd be "stfu or I'll make you suck it!" Or I'd block the numbers.

 

[arkieb1]

You need one or two of the tackless PSers to come visit, answer your phone and tell a few of your in laws a few home truths, you are handling it far more gracefully and graciously than I ever would!!!!

 

[minousbijoux]

My BIL is one that is known to be blindly loyal to his cray cray wife and would also undoubtedly display that same bias towards his parents. Notifying him of what transpired doesn't change the outcome. I still have no husband, the in laws keep that money, and they shut me out with regard to Mike's ashes.

And frankly I can't speak to BIL rationally. I need to move on. I think I'd feel differently if I weren't alone. My parents don't care. It's just me. I don't want to take on 5 in laws with no backup. I will only end up feeling badly all over again with no one to cry with. I know that I don't need anyone else but I'm just one person with limited energy and need to pick and choose my battles, begrudgingly. I already have a personality that holds grudges lolol. I'm afraid that if I don't move on from this shit with my head held up with the dignified goal of "fizzle and fade", I will end up sick as I have in the past, with hives, stomach issues, etc. I have a new normal to focus on.

(And I need to earn income stat so I can rock a 10 carat boulder sooner than later!)

These are the most thoughtful, articulate and confident words. So impressed. Yeah, babe, just keep on being you - you got this!

 

[lovedogs]

HELL NO to toning yourself down. You freaking rock, Pinto!

 

[valeria101]

I do recognize that he means well ...

What I am seeing in what you recount, are miserly offers to forgive & forget comming from the wrong party, equivalent to a statement of: 'I am wrong, therefore you must pretend otherwise'. You will have to prove it to them that you have forgiven thoroughly enough - not only the original wrong, but the absence of apology too ... From what you are writing, I take you are not bored enough with life, to need such entertainment.

In a year or so, the crap will have underwent natural decay - to what state, who can tell ... You might wish to find out. Or not. I am never too curious about the past.

Otherwise, I expect that in a year you will be settled into new work & new pursuits, & there will be need for bling renewal, & the respective sordid story will be just this closed PS thread.

 

[yennyfire]

I do recognize that he means well which is why I say thank you no thank you and keep the replies polite. Else... it'd be "stfu or I'll make you suck it!" Or I'd block the numbers.

PB, my comment wasn't meant to sound like I was chiding you. I was trying to say that when you've been so poorly treated, any gesture from a member of that family would seem ingeniune.

 

[BlingDreams]

PB, you continue to hold up amazing well through all of this. The mere fact that you haven't crumbled from this event, let alone are keeping up with your cats, can travel again, and are interviewing for jobs is just simply amazing to me. And you're doing it all with a sense of humor!!!!!

Don't even think of toning yourself down. You are the way you are for a reason, and to change would be a disservice for everyone else who needs a PB in their lives

Stand-up with you would be a hoot. I'm sure you'll do great at it. And as others have said, how could your (potential) new employer not love you? You're smart, personable, funny, and articulate. I have no doubt that a job offer will be coming your way.

As for the in-laws (and your mother), you have been far more gracious than they deserve. Their tactless, self-absorbed ways have made my skin crawl. Having the strength to walk away from the IL's and put your mother in her place took such strength and I'm proud of you for doing it. It sucks but, as they say, it is what it is. At this point YOU have to be the priority, and anything that makes your life harder needs to be cut out.

Big hugs to you (and your pussies) coming your way!

 

[ame]

Stop the presses - BREAKING NEWS!!! My mom called me from the airport today because her plane was delayed 2 hours (and I guess she was really REALLY really bored), and she told me that the relatives abroad (Dad's side) ALL know about Mike's passing. It must be those pesky cousins on FB! They haven't called her (huh?) because they didn't want to disturb us (in our time of mourning? ). She got this from speaking to my great aunt. My great aunt wanted to know how he passed - was he sick?. No, he passed real quick and didn't suffer. How's PB? Oh, she's fine, she's strong.:roll

And then my BIL texted me, asking, "Do you have interest in a cat rescue?"... coworker moving, can't bring cat to new apartment... ... ya know, I was just thinking... that money your parents took from me... that'd have rescued MANY MANY pussies from grabbing... What do I say? I say try these contacts who work with cat rescues and forward him 3 contacts.

Does anyone have a PintoBean sized space craft like the one in my avatar that can launch me somewhere else (other than here)?!?!?!

Uh. I am really at the point where I'd block your mom's number for a while. Or just be a raging a-hole to her.

It frustrates me that BIL won't know the truth of what his parents did, and that it's not my place to say anything.

Second interview went well. Since it will be two weeks before my 3rd interview, the manager told me to jump the gun and order my exam prep material. It went so well that I was invited to lunch with a group of employees lolol.

@LAJennifer has encouraged me to check out improv classes. She says I have good comedic timing and am funny even when I'm not trying to be. I'm hoping they will make me more comfortable with presentations.

So SO glad to hear you did so well.

But PLEASE tell me why you think it's not your place and why you shouldn't tell him the truth? He's not a child that can't take it, and he doesn't need to be protected.

I am so glad your second interview went well. Be who you are, Pinto. Life is so much easier that way.
Whoever likes you likes you, and you don't need the rest anyway.

On another subject, I don't see any reason why your BIL shouldn't know what his parents have done (or in laws). I would be surprised if he would want that for his family and its a good reminder that things need to be taken care of. I'm sure your husband wouldn't have wanted it, but he just didn't think about it. Your BIL and SIL need to think about it so they don't ever have to deal with a similar situation should the unthinkable happen to one of them. I think you would be doing them a kindness to tell them.

Agreed. Don't sugarcoat this stuff, I'd rather know the truth, because what if something happened to him? She'd get hosed just the same.

 

[valeria101]

RE. "I would be surprised if he would want that for his family "

Blind loyalty is BLIND. It would be a serious burden to acknowledge anything - perhaps too much to asume possible. Who'd want to be treated like PintoBean !

(over & out)

 

[PintoBean]

Holy smokes!
I'm driving to the bank and I see my in-laws car drive past me!!!!! I know they like the park by me. Must be nice to not work on a Thursday. So I gathered the courage up to text them this:

I wanted to make sure that Michael's ashes have been placed in its permanent place in the mausoleum like we talked about two weeks ago. I have friends and family wanting to visit the interment site. Let me know the specifics.

 

[Hayley87]

Good for you, PB!!! Let us know what the ILs say!

 

[BlingDreams]

Good for you! It'll be interesting to see if/how they respond.

 

[gemgirl]

I feel so bad right now. On Saturday and Sunday I caught a whiff of poop when I'd walk towards the foyer but couldn't see anything on the ground. I went downstairs not too long ago and caught a whiff again and knew it wasn't just my imagination now. I turned the lights on and found poop on the dining room chair that Honda usually lays on. Luckily I have covers on the chairs. It looks like 2 days worth of poop and she tried to cover it by pulling up the chair cover. There's a bunch of white fur on the poop bc the chair cover had her fur on it already lololol.

I feel terribly bc the first time there was an accident it was a day or two after mike passed and a cat had pooped on a bath rug in the bathroom adjacent to the guest room that Honda and K sleep in. This is their second accident ever and it happens after I go away probably day 2 and 3 of my trip. One set of poops felt firmer than the other as I transferred them to the toilet. I suspect it's Honda. I'm going to give her some treats as a little extra tlc and lavish extra praises on her when she performs her tricks. I'll keep the door closed so she has one on one time with mama for a few before I wind down.

Poor kit just couldn't handle Daddy AND Mommy not being home. That's one crafty cat though, trying to cover up the crime. In all seriousness, it is not uncommon for our animals to act out of character for them, when something important changes. I know our girls know our routine just as well as we do and they're just not happy until *everybody* is home and we can all be together. With Michael's passing and then you being away, even if only for two days, it was jarring for them. Too different.
Just give them some time.

 

[gemgirl]

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... Curious how I tell my MIL to put Mike's ashes in the permanent nook ASAP and no contact from them for 2 weeks now. It bothers me, yes, but I feel like this battle won't let me fizzle and fade from their lives and move on, so I just need to let it go and walk away. I said to a friend today that I feel like the fight is less important over the dead than the living... it's just shitty in general though. And you know what so many times I'd tell my husband you see how your brother stands by his wife blindly? I don't need you to be that stupidly loyal but always with your family you shoud show that I'm your priority. And the fact that I had to say that multiple times, I'm like fine I can also only try so many times with your family now.

I'm frustrated being the daughter of a narcissist. I was saying to my mom that if I become a financial advisor, it will entail networking, and perhaps my aunt's business would be an opportunity to find leads. My mom only cares about how this will reflect upon her and believes it will all be negative. That people will start talking about how I'm unemployed despite all my schooling - so what it's a fact. And while she's being nasty and all about herself and unsupportive she has the gall to ask me for $1,000 spending money for her next trip / birthday. I said mom if you're gonna ask me for money check your attitude first. Never mind the dresses and handbags and bras I bought her to get ready for her trip. Yes she's always been financially generous to me my entire life but I didn't dish out bad behavior like she does!!!

And fukitol prescription strength - how come grandma can be a widow and it's ok for us to be like oh she's been off and depressed her whole life bc her husband died when she was young with a daughter and 6 months pregnant with my dad but I'm supposed to be right as rain, no better than before my husband passed and have a job and lose weight and have a perfectly kept home.

@ac117 has seen my home. My mom walks in and acts like I'm going to be on the next episode of hoarders.

Your Mom asked you for money for her trip? Why? and if I'm treading on personal ground here, I apologize. I thought it was the parents who gave to their kids. She should be reminded that this kid, her one kid, is presently without employment. I'm sorry I'm just shocked. As if you don't have enough to worry about right now. At one point in my life, more than 25 yrs. ago, I had no husband and I had just bought my house. The sister I "used to have" asked me if she could borrow a large sum of money, after borrowing an even larger sum of money and having the check bounce when she paid me back. When I asked her why she thought she was entitled to any money I had, she said it was because "I had no life, I had no marriage and I was unimportant". Sometimes when you think you know people, you don't really know them at all.

 

[Gem Queen]

Oh, my f-ing God!!
PB, I would fly you down to my house if I could. You would love my cats and tortoise. I have been following this since you started. I am back to work after a year with another shoulder surgery, so I haven't been up-to-date on it. I just spent two days reading everything because I'm not in the courtroom full-time right now.
I have so many questions about these people. Jesus Christ, WTF & and any other expletive I can say without getting kicked off.
Was your husband a twin? If so, were they identical? if so, that would be really tough.
I printed and underlined what you wrote. You sound so much like me. Here is the excerpt.
"She pointed out that Michael was treated as a second-class citizen and I'm not Michael, and if I recognize what these people are, then I shouldn't expect more. Exactly. While I would 'man up' and say 'this is what I would do if I were in their shoes, they're not me.'"
I always expect people to do the right thing, such as own up to something if they are wrong of just say, "hey, I'm sorry I did that." NO!! It doesn't happen and I'm always flabbergasted. My husband says that I cant expect everyone to be like me. WTF again!!
Did you know that you can make a diamond out of your husband's ashes. I saw that when I was taking care of stuff for my dad. I got so excited. When I told my husband, he wasn't too thrilled... I was. What a cool idea. Very expensive. Maybe you can ask your in-laws to take the money they "stole" from you and have him turned into a diamond. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, but I just can't delete it!!
Screw them -- all of them-- if they are commenting on your size. You sound amazing to me. I would love to come and stay and hang out with you. F-ck Them.
They make me so angry. They are not even worried about your financial welfare!! WTF again. My in-laws are so sweet. I cannot imagine having to deal with the head-up-their-ass people in your life. I would vote them all off the island.
Your f-ing mother!! WTF!! How dare she ask you for money. I am spewing right now. If you were here in SoCal (Southern California) I would adopt you.
You are witty and a great writer. I think you should publish this whole thread. It is the best journal you could have.
Gem Girl, you crack me up. You are awesome and I would be proud to call you friend... especially If I knew you!!
You take your time, little missy. You are doing so much better than you think. I would love to see a picture of the two of you.
I hope I haven't offended you.

 

[Gem Queen]

Your Mom asked you for money for her trip? Why? and if I'm treading on personal ground here, I apologize. I thought it was the parents who gave to their kids. She should be reminded that this kid, her one kid, is presently without employment. I'm sorry I'm just shocked. As if you don't have enough to worry about right now. At one point in my life, more than 25 yrs. ago, I had no husband and I had just bought my house. The sister I "used to have" asked me if she could borrow a large sum of money, after borrowing an even larger sum of money and having the check bounce when she paid me back. When I asked her why she thought she was entitled to any money I had, she said it was because "I had no life, I had no marriage and I was unimportant". Sometimes when you think you know people, you don't really know them at all.

Holy Crap. I don't think I would ever talk to that sister again.