I'm a widow

[TooPatient]

What is with the cats lately? Mine threw up on our bed. Again. Another left poop on the stairs.

Glad your meeting went so well. Maybe the kitties wanted to give you good luck... Start your day by stepping in messes and it can only go up from there!

 

[freezing_in_MO]

You've earned those guardian angels!

I'm really happy to hear that your first session went well!

You'll have to explain your method to me sometime. If I had been in the circumstances you describe, at best, I would have showed up to the session with my dress inside out. I have no idea how you pulled off so much and still made it on time and in style!

P.S. Raw feeding foreva!!!! I had accepted the little regurgitated presents as a fact of life with a cat. I started the older one of my cats on raw food four years ago. He is a Persian and probably 50% of his body weight is fur. He lets me brush him only around his head and neck, so I am reasonably certain that he ingests plenty of hair. In the past four years, he has vomited exactly once, and that was a reaction to medication. My younger cat started out on raw and has vomited only once, when she gorged herself on a corn cob she had snuck off the dinner table. She's a shorthair, so the lack of vomiting is less impressive.

P.P.S. I don't think I have ever used the word "vomit" as many times in a month as I just did in one paragraph. I should be grateful for living such a vomit-sheltered life

 

[mochiko42]

Ah, yes. The traditional gifts from our kitties! They do so love to shower us with affection and leave us tokens of their love in the form of vomit. Lord knows that I've stepped in more than my fair share.

Oh, kitties... Lovely. I regret getting a dark brown carpet for the home office. At first we thought it would be good because the stains would be easier to hide than with the old carpet (which was white), but it turns out that brown carpet also camouflages kitty 'bombs' so we don't notice til we step in a 'surprise' at 6am.

 

[missy]

Pintobean just wanted to you send more (((hugs))) and love your way. (((Hugs))). And of course please kiss the kitties from me and hope everyone is keeping their poop where it belongs and no more vomiting.

 

[yennyfire]

Yay for a great first interview and #2 scheduled!! That's awesome!

Our dog gets locked in/out all of the time. She'll nose a door open, then once she's through, it closes and we have no idea until someone says "where's Zoe?". We have received our share of "presents" as a result!

Hopefully, some extra TLC will soothe hurt feelings and you won't find any more unwelcome surprises!

 

[luv2sparkle]

So happy your interview went well! Good thoughts for #2, although I have no doubt that you will rock that one too!

I don't have kitties but I had one day this week that my teeny weeny, Abby pooped on the carpet in the living room and peed upstairs. Later that day, the male Maxx, who is 13 pooped all over the rug by the back door. Giant poops. What the heck. Luckily, I own a carpet cleaner and the back door rug can be rinsed outside and washed in the machine. I was not too happy with either of them that day. All I can say, is it's a good thing they are cute.

 

[PintoBean]

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... Curious how I tell my MIL to put Mike's ashes in the permanent nook ASAP and no contact from them for 2 weeks now. It bothers me, yes, but I feel like this battle won't let me fizzle and fade from their lives and move on, so I just need to let it go and walk away. I said to a friend today that I feel like the fight is less important over the dead than the living... it's just shitty in general though. And you know what so many times I'd tell my husband you see how your brother stands by his wife blindly? I don't need you to be that stupidly loyal but always with your family you shoud show that I'm your priority. And the fact that I had to say that multiple times, I'm like fine I can also only try so many times with your family now.

I'm frustrated being the daughter of a narcissist. I was saying to my mom that if I become a financial advisor, it will entail networking, and perhaps my aunt's business would be an opportunity to find leads. My mom only cares about how this will reflect upon her and believes it will all be negative. That people will start talking about how I'm unemployed despite all my schooling - so what it's a fact. And while she's being nasty and all about herself and unsupportive she has the gall to ask me for $1,000 spending money for her next trip / birthday. I said mom if you're gonna ask me for money check your attitude first. Never mind the dresses and handbags and bras I bought her to get ready for her trip. Yes she's always been financially generous to me my entire life but I didn't dish out bad behavior like she does!!!

And fukitol prescription strength - how come grandma can be a widow and it's ok for us to be like oh she's been off and depressed her whole life bc her husband died when she was young with a daughter and 6 months pregnant with my dad but I'm supposed to be right as rain, no better than before my husband passed and have a job and lose weight and have a perfectly kept home.

@ac117 has seen my home. My mom walks in and acts like I'm going to be on the next episode of hoarders.

 

[Resonance.Of.Life]

The fack? Oh HELL no.

 

[lovedogs]

yuck yuck yuck! I'm so sorry that you mom is that way, Pinto.

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Good for you for refusing to give your mom the money. I remembered your Nordstrom trip with her before I read your next sentence.

I love my family and believe that family is very important. I also believe in self-respect and reciprocity, even in familial relationships. Kudos to you for behaving like a sane and reasonable human, even under the most difficult of circumstances. Tell your mom that she did a great job raising you and teaching you self-respect! It'll appeal to her narcissism.

Also let her know that it is EXTREMELY improper for a young widow to do any kind of cleaning or housekeeping It would reflect poorly on your entire extended family, neighborhood, and possibly even the whole nation (heaven knows we need no help in that area). People would think you were raised by wolves.

Only a heartless monster could focus on losing weight or finding a job so soon after her beloved husband passed. Has she not heard of COMFORT eating? I'm sitting here clutching my pearls, nose deep into a jug of smelling salts, after hearing that you are expected to be hopping around like Mary Poppins. You need to start wearing black, including a chic little veil, and buying tons of Victorian mourning jewelry. Sit around reading sad poetry and munching on little black bonbons with a sad look in your eyes. Then she'll be too scared to criticize you!

I raise my glass of prescription-strength, federally regulated, hospital-only Fukitol to you. I will be forever grateful to you for this most magnificent of medical inventions.

 

[valeria101]

I feel like this battle won't let me fizzle and fade from their lives

Usually, one's 'goodbye' to spouses no longer of this world, is pronounced together with the 'good riddance' to their all too worldly clan... You are doing these separately. OK !

[context: one of our several Days of the Dead is getting close - rather looking forward to it]

 

[Hayley87]

Oh, man Narcissists are difficult to deal with in the best of circumstances; they're unbearable when you're having a hard time because they're annoyed that you have concerns outside of them.

Good for you for telling your mom to check herself. Especially if she's not giving you the emotional support she ought to, there's no reason you should be funding her sprees--just my opinion

Shoot, use the money she asked for to hire a housecleaner--and tell her that's where the money went, since she was so concerned that you're headed for an episode of Hoarders.

 

[mary poppins]

Who the f*(k asks a recent widow, formerly of double income and now of no income, for money especially when it's such a large amount and not for a necessity?!?! Wow!

So sorry you have to deal with an NM, PB. I have one, too, and the comments never cease to amaze and disgust. Ugh.

I hope your interview process continues to go well.

 

[december-fire]

Pinto,

You're smart, funny, adaptable and resilient.
You're going to be better than fine.

But it sounds like you could use a little less crazy and a bit more fun.

Might I suggest calling your in-laws and telling them that you're too devastated to work and, for financial reasons, will be moving in with them until you're feeling stronger.
Point out that 'Its what Michael would have wanted.'

Don't forget the head-to-toe black with veil attire, as @freezing_in_MO so wisely noted.

 

[PintoBean]

Eek, woke up at noon but I really don't fall asleep till 3 am lolol. Technically, I'm not oversleeping! I am grinning from ear to ear. My next door neighbors, the boys, invited me to dinner and a local production of a chorus line. I insisted that dinner is on me, since they previously hosted a gtg when we were new neighbors and invited me over to a wonderful italian dinner after Mike passed. I've never seen this show before, and it's a classic, so I'm excited.

 

[MissGotRocks]

So glad that you've got something to look forward to - enjoy! The rest is just the rest PB and will eventually fade away. Focus on good times and have fun when you can - you deserve it!!

 

[Queenie60]

Enjoy your well deserved evening!

 

[PintoBean]

This weekend was a little challenging but I powered through. My MIL's side was having a "cousins gtg". The cookie stalker SIL texted me asking if I wanted a ride there and I thanked her and declined. It made me feel lonely knowing they had each other and it was just me here.

 

[minousbijoux]

This weekend was a little challenging but I powered through. My MIL's side was having a "cousins gtg". The cookie stalker SIL texted me asking if I wanted a ride there and I thanked her and declined. It made me feel lonely knowing they had each other and it was just me here.

Honey, and all of us! You have all of us! Just because we are not in the same room with you, doesn't mean we are not with you, y'know? I know its not the same...now that my kids have moved out, I'm an empty nester and I find myself just getting lonely sometimes and then feeling bad about myself (full disclosure: in NO WAY am I equating this with your horrible tragedy and epic trauma made worse by "family" that made clear your relative significance, as short sighted and self-serving as they are, harrumph!) and it becomes easy to imagine in these times that the whole world (except me) is out bonding and laughing together, but it ain't so! Just remember that. Plus, you might like your alone time, but you are a bubbly person who wants the choice at any one time of being alone or being with your people. Its only natural after their shite moves that you feel a need to distance yourself, but being the true blue loyal person you are, that has got to kick you to the curb a bit in terms of feelings.

 

[Queenie60]

Actually - you're not alone, just better off for not attending their get together. Hang in there Pinto. Thinking of you.

 

[freezing_in_MO]

Someone as witty, decent, and kind as you is never alone for long. It doesn't sound like your in-laws have earned the privilege of your company - at least not recently.

You have a whole army of bling-ed out fans thinking of and rooting for you

 

[tyty333]

Ugh...dealing with the loss of your beloved is hard enough. Never mind dealing with all the crazys (Inlaws and Mom)...just too much. I'm shocked at
your Mom.

So happy that you have neighbors that are helping you to get out. Its nice that you are able to spend time with people that care.

 

[yennyfire]

Good for you for refusing to give your mom the money. I remembered your Nordstrom trip with her before I read your next sentence.

I love my family and believe that family is very important. I also believe in self-respect and reciprocity, even in familial relationships. Kudos to you for behaving like a sane and reasonable human, even under the most difficult of circumstances. Tell your mom that she did a great job raising you and teaching you self-respect! It'll appeal to her narcissism.

Also let her know that it is EXTREMELY improper for a young widow to do any kind of cleaning or housekeeping It would reflect poorly on your entire extended family, neighborhood, and possibly even the whole nation (heaven knows we need no help in that area). People would think you were raised by wolves.

Only a heartless monster could focus on losing weight or finding a job so soon after her beloved husband passed. Has she not heard of COMFORT eating? I'm sitting here clutching my pearls, nose deep into a jug of smelling salts, after hearing that you are expected to be hopping around like Mary Poppins. You need to start wearing black, including a chic little veil, and buying tons of Victorian mourning jewelry. Sit around reading sad poetry and munching on little black bonbons with a sad look in your eyes. Then she'll be too scared to criticize you!

I raise my glass of prescription-strength, federally regulated, hospital-only Fukitol to you. I will be forever grateful to you for this most magnificent of medical inventions.

OMG! I love you freezing in MO! This is exactly what PB needs to do! That, or have a breakdown requiring convalescence at a resort somewhere exotic, away from all of these nutjob family members!

 

[minousbijoux]

BOOM!

Right there! Yennyfire and FIMO have got it down! Oh PB: puhlease take their advice!!!

 

[valeria101]

I thanked her and declined. It made me feel lonely

.0001 pt for generosity to them,
10000 pt to you for thanking.

 

[PintoBean]

Stop the presses - BREAKING NEWS!!! My mom called me from the airport today because her plane was delayed 2 hours (and I guess she was really REALLY really bored), and she told me that the relatives abroad (Dad's side) ALL know about Mike's passing. It must be those pesky cousins on FB! They haven't called her (huh?) because they didn't want to disturb us (in our time of mourning? ). She got this from speaking to my great aunt. My great aunt wanted to know how he passed - was he sick?. No, he passed real quick and didn't suffer. How's PB? Oh, she's fine, she's strong.:roll

And then my BIL texted me, asking, "Do you have interest in a cat rescue?"... coworker moving, can't bring cat to new apartment... ... ya know, I was just thinking... that money your parents took from me... that'd have rescued MANY MANY pussies from grabbing... What do I say? I say try these contacts who work with cat rescues and forward him 3 contacts.

Does anyone have a PintoBean sized space craft like the one in my avatar that can launch me somewhere else (other than here)?!?!?!

 

[luv2sparkle]

Oh, if only you could really say to BIL, what you are thinking. He needs a good dose of reality! I would love to stand in for you and say many things to all these crazies in you life......

 

[valeria101]

Does anyone have a PintoBean sized space craft like the one in my avatar

You make abuse sound funny & I cannot joke about it ...

 

[tyty333]

Dont be too hard on your BIL...I can see him thinking that maybe a new foster cat/permanent cat would be a good distraction. He's not realizing that you
have your hands/head full right now and more responsibility is not what you need at the moment.

Your mom gives you too much credit for being "strong" or lets say she doesnt want to give you the time and consideration that losing a loved one deserves.
I dont get that, but then again, if she is a narcissist like it looks then all she really cares about is how things affect her. She only wants to deal with a happy
Pinto, so by george, be happy Pinto! I feel sad that you dont have a more supportive family.

We are here for you...sending you gentle hugs across the miles {{{PB}}}.

 

[minousbijoux]

Dont be too hard on your BIL...I can see him thinking that maybe a new foster cat/permanent cat would be a good distraction. He's not realizing that you
have your hands/head full right now and more responsibility is not what you need at the moment.

Your mom gives you too much credit for being "strong" or lets say she doesnt want to give you the time and consideration that losing a loved one deserves.
I dont get that, but then again, if she is a narcissist like it looks then all she really cares about is how things affect her. She only wants to deal with a happy
Pinto, so by george, be happy Pinto! I feel sad that you dont have a more supportive family.

We are here for you...sending you gentle hugs across the miles {{{PB}}}.

Really nice way to see it, Tyty! I love the expression "Assume good intentions" but seem to forget it more often than not...

How are you today, Bean?